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Mother's Day

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So, what do you want for Mother's Day?  It seems every year when I think of something I want, it is never close to a "holiday" where I would be given a gift, so I end up buying it because it's something I wanted at that time....not something I was willing to wait for...so when it comes time for days like Mother's day, I never have gift ideas for my husband or kids...and they aren't the kind to "surprise" me. 

 

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Nothing  but a card and someone to clean up the dishes, really. They usually give me a planter or something like that. 

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I don't want anything either.  Family time is all that I want for Mother's Day.  It always feels like a made-up holiday to me and it makes me uncomfortable - I don't want a gift or appreciation expressed out of obligation.  My adult sons were home for the weekend a few weeks ago and one of them sent me the sweetest message while he was here thanking me for all I do.  That means more to me than any Mother's Day gift/card.  

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I'd like a phone call from my adult dc, a big hug from my dc here at home (who will likely make me a card, too), and lunch at my favorite restaurant from dh.  He usually gives me flowers, as well, but it's the time together that I appreciate most.  

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I just want some time alone watching Infinity War in the theater.  We don’t have any babysitters here so getting date time is kind of impossible, but I’m a MCU junkie and would really love that ?

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In my dream world, this remodel would be finished, we would have a functioning kitchen with counter tops and a sink and I would get to eat meals using real plates again.

In reality, the remodel will be close-but-not-quite finished and we will go out to eat somewhere on mother's day.  There are worse places to be in.

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1 hour ago, Momto5inIN said:

I just want to not have to cook ?

 

I like to get ice cream or ice cream cake for dinner on Mother's Day (and my birthday). 

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This year for Mother's Day I just want my house to be ready to put on the market.  It is looking like it may be ready by then, we'll see.

Usually I don't want anything. It isn't really a gift giving holiday in our family. Dh usually makes breakfast, but he always does. The kids have made cards before but not every year. I just really want to hang out as a family that day.

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My birthday is the same weekend.  Dh and dc always cook birthday and mother's day.  The last few years I've made my cake and dds have decorated it (that is fine, I don't mind doing the baking).  This year I've asked for the sofa to be reupholstered. Not very exciting I know, but we've needed to get that thing recovered for a while now. 

I'm planning on going to Sephora for my VIB birthday gift and I want a Marc Jacobs Daisy roller ball.  Dh will get me flowers for birthday and dds will get flowers or a plant for mother's day.  I'm pretty chill this year. 

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I strongly dislike made up holidays and wish they'd go away already, and I taught my family from the beginning that there were never to be gifts on made up holidays. But . . this year DS22 will graduate from college on MD morning. So that's pretty special.

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I don't want anything. When my kids were little we observed these sorts of days (Mother/Father's Day, Valentine's Day) because our kids live in a culture that observes such days. Now that the kids are older, we ignore them.  Well, we send my MIL a gift, though this year I think we're just going for a card since there is no gift on this earth that she will like, and we do have to keep trying on birthday and Christmas.

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I want my family to love and appreciate me. Which they do. Throughout the year. I hate Mothers Day and similar made up holidays and have never celebrated; to me, it it meaningless if I get a card and flowers on an advertised day. We don't do valentines for the same reason.

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18 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

I strongly dislike made up holidays and wish they'd go away already, and I taught my family from the beginning that there were never to be gifts on made up holidays. But . . this year DS22 will graduate from college on MD morning. So that's pretty special.

Isn't this fascinating that no one wants any sort of gift that is wrapped up in a box!

As my kids have grown, I've gone from wanting time alone (when my youngest was a baby and I had no alone time), to wanting just to not have to cook/do dishes, to wanting just family time. I don't think we'll do anything that seems special, but I'm sure my kids will be sure to spend time with me doing something pleasant on Mother's Day, probably a hike. (Husband's health doesn't permit him to join, but I think we've dealt with that.) After homeschooling for so long, most days were Mother's Day, always the unexpected surprise/wonderful gift. Sounds sappy but oh so true as I look back.

I happened to get a new phone this weekend, so my husband will say it's for Mother's Day. That's perfect too.

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I find that fascinating too...I thought everybody gave/received gifts on Mother's day....at least flowers or something.  I also just like spending time with my family, if my husband will grill out for lunch that is nice...and if the kids clean up the house without being asked, that would be even better. 

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Some funky socks.  Warm and fuzzy is better, but even just something with goofy cat prints.  

A small package of really good dark chocolate.  Just like a $2.50 candy bar really, but the key is...I don’t have to share it with ANYONE and DH won’t sneak little pieces that he thinks I don’t know about.  I like to just eat a little bit each day and make it last , but that drives him crazy to see it just sitting there and he always sneaks little pieces, until suddenly it’s gon and he somehow thinks I won’t notice that it’s all gone.

To have a clean house that I didn’t have to clean and a meal that I don’t have to cook.  But the key here is...the house needs to be ACTUALLY clean, not just everything shoved into little hidden nooks and crannies.  And the food needs to be an actual meal, not convenience stuff. 

What will happen in reality is that they “let me sleep in” while they make breakfast in bed at the loudest possible volume.  DH will make a main dish on the grill but I will do the sides and most prep work.  Then they will present me with a frame for the painting that DD22 painted and gave to me at Christmas.....that they believe I don’t know they are planning on.  It is a nice painting and does need a nice frame.  So that’s good enough for me.  

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my BD is right before Mother's day (and 1ds's is right after). . ....so, we do parties on two weekends already . ..this year, I want halibut or (preferably) salmon.  i do NOT want any kind of beast!!!!!?  every year, dh says "it's not available" - and I get beast.

copper river sockeye starts to come in the end of May .... copper river sockeye and himalayan blackberry pie? . . .can't be beat..  (and sadly, they're seasonally mutually exclusive.)

I did buy myself another deck umbrella - and we're buying a storage box (the big one at costco) for my deck.  I think it will take a gel stain so it will kinda/sorta match my house. and another sun shade... my deck is unbearable in the sun.

 

1ds wants cash.   I think I will do a 'cash pizza'.  he also wants a white zip hoodie with just "washington" on it. .  . . I may have to get him one custom.

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I want the same thing I wanted for my birthday. I want the tablespoon and teaspoon that my children lost. I used them to make cookies, the kids did the dishes and they have never been heard from since. How do you lose something like that? It never leaves the house.

Oh, and I want there not to be a soccer tournament on Mother’s Day weekend. So, yeah. I won’t get either of them.

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1 hour ago, HollyDay said:

My birthday is the same weekend.  Dh and dc always cook birthday and mother's day.  The last few years I've made my cake and dds have decorated it (that is fine, I don't mind doing the baking).  This year I've asked for the sofa to be reupholstered. Not very exciting I know, but we've needed to get that thing recovered for a while now. 

I'm planning on going to Sephora for my VIB birthday gift and I want a Marc Jacobs Daisy roller ball.  Dh will get me flowers for birthday and dds will get flowers or a plant for mother's day.  I'm pretty chill this year. 

Mine too!  My birthday, anniversary, and mother’s day are always a week or less apart altogether.  It’s an expensive week for hubby ?

 

happy birthday!

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46 minutes ago, mamaraby said:

I want the same thing I wanted for my birthday. I want the tablespoon and teaspoon that my children lost. I used them to make cookies, the kids did the dishes and they have never been heard from since. How do you lose something like that? It never leaves the house.

I can relate. I had the flu a couple months ago and was too sick to cook or clean the kitchen for about a week. Upon recovery, I discovered that almost all our forks had mysteriously disappeared. Dh and kids claim to have no knowledge of what could have happened to them... 

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If my family were only buying me something or acknowledging the day because Hallmark or society made them feel a sense of obligation to, I'd want to ignore it, too. But so far none of them does it with that intention, so I'm happy to receive their acknowledgments and thoughtful gifts. They're not to blame for society's (capitalism's?) drive to promote another cash cow, and their feelings would be hurt if I blew off the day as such. And since it's a fake holiday, it's not really about me, it's still any other day where my relationships matter. So I am gracious when my loved ones celebrate me, on any day, even the one Hallmark promotes, and even though I am not a holiday person myself. I married someone who loves all the holidays and must celebrate them all - even half birthdays, including those of pets. {rolling eyes} 

Every year I get to sleep in until breakfast in bed arrives, some cards, and if I have any kids in the 3-10 range, some type of homemade gift. My oldest son always makes me cookies, my other kids send Starbucks gift cards, and my pre-teen rubs my feet for 30 seconds each before she gets grossed out by the horrors that have happened after decades in high heels and working 8-12 hours shifts on my feet. 7 years running with this one, you think she'd learn by now to just write me a haiku instead.

Every year I send my former MIL a picture of her son and the kids. I send my current MIL the same, of hers. And I give my mom a picture of no men, just all the kids, plus a plant. I make cards to all of my aunts and to my grandmothers. I send all of these women letters and cards throughout the year as well, along with texts, calls, and emails. And my kids do the same for me throughout the year, acknowledging this fake holiday amidst the many days. 

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I keep a running list of Things I’d Like To Have, But We’re Too Cheap To Buy Them, So I’ll Ask For Them As Presents.

Dh and I have lived our almost 26 years of marriage by being kinda skinflints.  We’re not the sort to see a little something we like and buy it.  We will walk away from most things we’d want to have and do without.  I will stand in a store and fret over buying a $4.99 something-or-other, and then usually walk away from it.

So, “holidays” that require gifts are a big deal around here.  It’s the few times a year when I can get those little pleasures that make life fun.  Because we will save up and only get ourselves little things a few times a year, I do keep a list of ideas of what I’d like to give to Dh and the boys as ideas.

I’ve been wanting a new bed set for about 8 years now, but never wanted to put out the money for it and wanted other things more when gift-giving occasions came around. But in February, I found a set at Big Lots that was super cheap and I really liked it.  A lot.  As usual, I was fretting about buying it.  DH finally said, “Let’s go ahead and get it, and you can save it for Mother’s Day.”  So, that’s what we did.  It’s been sitting in its packaging in the corner of my room for months, and next Sunday, I’ll open it and put it on the bed.

After 26 years of doing it this way, I’m getting a bit tired of it.  So many hivers have said that they don’t have big holidays where they give gifts, because they will get the things they want throughout the year.  On the holidays, they don’t bother to exchange gifts or maybe they exchange something small like a box of chocolates or something. I’m thinking of moving to that way of doing things.  

So, if I had bought that bed set in Feb and would have used it right away, and if there was nothing I needed now, I’d just want a dinner out with the family-doesn’t even have to be expensive. Just dinner out.  Time together, without me having to cook or clean.  Or fuss at someone else to cook and clean.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting presents, especially if you live like me and do without for much of the year.  And there’s nothing wrong with disliking getting presents and wanting to ignore the made up holiday.  : )

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4 hours ago, Momto5inIN said:

I just want to not have to cook ?

Yes, this! Or do dishes!

I think my mom is taking us out for lunch, so hooray!

 

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I told my guys that I want a dwarf fruit tree or for them to share with me (via vinyl record!) some music that they like.

 

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My standard request is plants, like herbs for my herb garden or flowers for my porch, etc. I don’t really need more stuff to sit around. 

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The only thing I request every year is this - I just don't want to cook or do dishes. So we almost always order in. Restaurants tend to be super crowded so I don't want to go out to eat, though we have occasionally had fast food. I prefer KFC to cooking/dishes!! But this year I am still Whole 30ing so I can't even imagine what we will eat. Sadly, I will probably make something in advance for myself and order pizza for everyone.

This year we may go see my oldest and her husband on Saturday and then my second will come over after church. I will probably get a few cards, perhaps a gift card or a candle or flowers. Always something from someone, but never something big or from all of them.

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I’d like to go for a walk at a local wetlands that is one of favorite places.

We aren’t really big gift people either although I think my daughter has either made or bought something. There have been some shushing and giggling when I walk in a room and she is talking to my husband. She likes giving gifts and it’s a sweet sentiment so I like getting them even though I would be ok with no gifts. 

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Last year for the first time, my sister and I went out together and treated ourselves to mother's day. We had mani/pedis, went to dinner, and out to a movie. It completely took the pressure off our children and husbands to do anything for us. And believe me, my expectations for mother's day were already incredibly low, but apparently, simply not being a jerk for THAT day was too much to ask. Every year. ?

If you find yourself disappointed year after year, I highly recommend freeing your family and yourself from these expectations and take a day to indulge yourself. ?

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I only want not to have to cook dinner and not to have to do the dishes.  And I want to sleep in, but that's less of an issue since one, DH is an early riser, and two, my kiddos aren't tiny anymore.  DH often gets me nice chocolates for special occasions, which is perfect -- something not super expensive but fancy enough that I won't splurge on them for myself, and it says that he cares because he makes the effort to go to the special chocolate store.  The kids often make me cards or pictures, which makes me happy.

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15 hours ago, Garga said:

There’s nothing wrong with wanting presents, especially if you live like me and do without for much of the year.  And there’s nothing wrong with disliking getting presents and wanting to ignore the made up holiday.  : )

 

You are so right. Those are the loveliest gifts, the ones you've been wanting, looking forward to, whatever they are.  (Wish there were an awesome emoji to put here!)

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18 hours ago, mamaraby said:

I want the same thing I wanted for my birthday. I want the tablespoon and teaspoon that my children lost. I used them to make cookies, the kids did the dishes and they have never been heard from since. How do you lose something like that? It never leaves the house.

 

 

The garbage, I'm guessing.  

We are down to 5 full-sized forks in one of our place settings.  I'm guessing that when somebody cleared a plate, a fork went along for the ride.

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15 hours ago, Quill said:

My standard request is plants, like herbs for my herb garden or flowers for my porch, etc. I don’t really need more stuff to sit around. 

 

This is what I like, too.  I like to get a plant and to have the giver plant it for me, too.  ? 

 

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I want a deep tissue massage by an awesome therapist. Our local spa got wiped out thanks to Hurricane Harvey so I’m on the look out. 

As an aside- not trying to be dense, but on the “made up holiday” aren’t ALL holidays technically made up? 

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56 minutes ago, texasmom33 said:

 

As an aside- not trying to be dense, but on the “made up holiday” aren’t ALL holidays technically made up? 

 

I consider holidays such as Mother's/Father's Day, Valentine's Day, Sweetest Day, Grandparents Day made up.  But birthdays are big for me because, in my mind, it's a day to celebrate someone precious in your life and how happy you are that they were born.  But that's just me - most of my family doesn't even like birthdays!  Plus the holidays I listed seem like the retailers are keeping them going with all of their ads for gift purchasing.  During my run this morning, I heard a bunch of commercials for Mother's Day gifts - Menards (I don't think a lot of women want their gifts from Menards), jewelry stores where you received a bonus for a large purchase, etc.  It just seems so commercial to me.  

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22 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

I strongly dislike made up holidays and wish they'd go away already, and I taught my family from the beginning that there were never to be gifts on made up holidays. But . . this year DS22 will graduate from college on MD morning. So that's pretty special.

mother's day is one I wish would go away. I'm sick of the saccharine sweetness and "perfect mothers". . . .

at church they'd rotate through a plant, or a flower, or chocolate bar (very popular - but still got complaints) . . . then we had several years worth of booklets about how great and important mother's are . . . gag me with a spork.   I always found them condescending. I'd trash them before I simply stopped taking one, since I was just going to trash it.

give me dead flowers and chocolate!

though my favorite mother's day talk ever was by a teenage girl reciting all the disasters which had struck because mom left town for mother's day.

20 hours ago, Arctic Mama said:

Mine too!  My birthday, anniversary, and mother’s day are always a week or less apart altogether.  It’s an expensive week for hubby ?

 

happy birthday!

yep - my birthday always gets lumped with mother's day.   then after my birthday is 1ds's birthday.   I went into labor with him on mother's day . . . If he'd been born just one day earlier . . . nordstrom had given mother's day gift bags to each of the new moms . . . . .

 

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1 hour ago, Kassia said:

 

I consider holidays such as Mother's/Father's Day, Valentine's Day, Sweetest Day, Grandparents Day made up.  But birthdays are big for me because, in my mind, it's a day to celebrate someone precious in your life and how happy you are that they were born.  But that's just me - most of my family doesn't even like birthdays!  Plus the holidays I listed seem like the retailers are keeping them going with all of their ads for gift purchasing.  During my run this morning, I heard a bunch of commercials for Mother's Day gifts - Menards (I don't think a lot of women want their gifts from Menards), jewelry stores where you received a bonus for a large purchase, etc.  It just seems so commercial to me.  

not long after a couple moved to our ward/congregation - the husband was giving a talk and mentioned he and his father in law were  shopping for a chainsaw for his wife.  (maybe her birthday, maybe new house)  he's over 6'.  she's tiny, and very petite.   those who didn't know them laughed at the supposed cliche of a husband giving his wife a gift what he actually wants.  in reality - he is a geek who knows nothing about chainsaws, and she had worked as a forest fire fighter in college.  (and knows lots about chainsaws)

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1 hour ago, gardenmom5 said:

not long after a couple moved to our ward/congregation - the husband was giving a talk and mentioned he and his father in law were  shopping for a chainsaw for his wife.  (maybe her birthday, maybe new house)  he's over 6'.  she's tiny, and very petite.   those who didn't know them laughed at the supposed cliche of a husband giving his wife a gift what he actually wants.  in reality - he is a geek who knows nothing about chainsaws, and she had worked as a forest fire fighter in college.  (and knows lots about chainsaws)

 

Oh, I absolutely think there are many women who would love items from Menards.  But I don't know any personally!     ?

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5 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

at church they'd rotate through a plant, or a flower, or chocolate bar (very popular - but still got complaints) . . . then we had several years worth of booklets about how great and important mother's are . . . gag me with a spork.   I always found them condescending. I'd trash them before I simply stopped taking one, since I was just going to trash it.

 

I usually dread Mothers Day at church. My heart breaks for those who are estranged from their mothers, who are estranged from their children, who want to be mothers and aren't. I don't want to hear what a great mom I am--this is church, can we be real and just say we're not that great on our own? I don't want to have to stand, thank someone for giving me a flower, CD, etc.

We are in a church where I know much will not be made of the day, and I am glad. I just hope I'm right, because otherwise I'd rather skip (which I never do).

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28 minutes ago, ThisIsTheDay said:

 

I usually dread Mothers Day at church. My heart breaks for those who are estranged from their mothers, who are estranged from their children, who want to be mothers and aren't. I don't want to hear what a great mom I am--this is church, can we be real and just say we're not that great on our own? I don't want to have to stand, thank someone for giving me a flower, CD, etc.

 

Unless these women are your arch-enemies, they don't want their pain to spoil your Mother's Day. 

You are a great mum, aren't you? Someone should tell you that sometimes!

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14 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

 

Unless these women are your arch-enemies, they don't want their pain to spoil your Mother's Day. 

You are a great mum, aren't you? Someone should tell you that sometimes!

I think this is what she’s getting at:

Dear Priests...

 

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I have a Mother's Day weekend birthday too.  I'm not a big holiday or gift person, but I do want grilled pork steak and cheesecake.  And I will feel like crap after eating it, but I feel like crap after eating anything.  At least it'll be worth it!

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I want to go for a walk, read a good book, play with my dog, and hang out with my kids. BUT I would be thrilled if someone cleaned and organized my storage room. Unfortunately, that is only a job I can do. 

We will celebrate three birthdays on Mother's Day. My mom wants to have everyone over and serve pizza which I cannot eat with my dairy allergy, but I am happy with salad and a glass of wine. 

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When my first was born after years of infertility I started a tradition of staying home and having a movie marathon and having take out.  Mother's day had been hard for me for a number of years because of the pain of wanting to be a mother and not being  able to have children.

This year I am thinking of breaking with my tradition and going on a family hike and taking along a picnic lunch.  I think it would be fun to go out and do something with my kids before they are moving on to their own lives.  I don't want any presents on that day, just time with my family.

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When my kids were little, I used to like to hang out with another friends without our kids. ?

Now, I tell my teens if I see something when we're out and they buy it for me. This year, milk chocolate fruit Russell Stover candies and a Bible verse notebook.

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Well, we seem to be in the minority here, but we enjoy (and celebrate) the "Hallmark Holidays" (Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, etc.). 

I never know what I want, though. DH is pretty good at gift-giving, and drags the kiddos into that, so I don't mind being surprised (most of the time, lol). He always cooks a special dinner for Mother's Day. 

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19 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

not long after a couple moved to our ward/congregation - the husband was giving a talk and mentioned he and his father in law were  shopping for a chainsaw for his wife.  (maybe her birthday, maybe new house)  he's over 6'.  she's tiny, and very petite.   those who didn't know them laughed at the supposed cliche of a husband giving his wife a gift what he actually wants.  in reality - he is a geek who knows nothing about chainsaws, and she had worked as a forest fire fighter in college.  (and knows lots about chainsaws)

 

That's great.

I like getting kitchen stuff as gifts.  But so many people dismiss that kind of thing as a bad gift. I'll take a good saucepan or even some fresh dishtowels or interesting spices over a piece of jewelry any day.  

One year I asked for a flan pan for Christmas.  My son asked me for more ideas.  I said "well, I really would like a flan pan."  But he didn't want to give me that because he loves flan and it would seem like a lousy gift because he would benefit from it.  So I still don't have a flan pan.  (I do have pans in which I can and do make flan, so it's not a need, just a want.)

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