Jump to content

Menu

ADHD and college failure


jd_4kids
 Share

Recommended Posts

My son announced his 2nd term grades this evening, and it wasn't good (and he was on academic probation from first term, so these grades end his college career.)  Trying to figure out what he does now!  He refuses medication, but I honestly don't know that he can get or keep a job, either.  I feel really bad for him....his major was his passion, and he loved school (but couldn't keep track of assignments or manage his time.)  He is "gifted", for what little good that does him.  He now has 40K in loans to repay, and NEEDS to work to repay the loan.  Has anyone here been through this?  Any words of wisdom?  I could send him to technical school, but I'm not sure that helps too much when the problem is ADHD.   He'd probably fail that, too.  His college advisor said he could petition for another shot (just one), but he was already trying so hard, that I'm doubtful another semester would miraculously improve.  The material isn't hard, he just misses assignments.  He is willing to consider meds, now, for college, but thinks he can handle a job without meds, sigh, because he wouldn't have as much to juggle.  He is still looking for entry level work in his field (computer science), but should he be looking at Burger King at this point?  Encourage me (and him).

  • Thanks 1
  • Sad 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We are going through this somewhat, more is going on than just adhd. I think my dc found college coursework harder to manage than they thought it would be.  What the syllabus?  You are supposed to look at that?

Anyway, his dr recommended from the very beginning that he go meet with the school about it to see what is offered.  Dc felt that would be cheating and unfair to everyone else.  So dc didn’t listen to that advice.

Fast forward to a couple of years of struggling and finally meeting with the school for something else, they talked him into setting up the accommodations and convinced him that they are there for people in his situation.  He’s on medical leave, so he hasn’t tried them out yet, but they are set up for next semester.  The professors don’t have to allow for the accommodations, so we’ll see what happens.

Hugs to you and prays for wisdom in how to proceed.

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds like he maybe needs to learn the hard way. If he would rather screw around at Burger King than take meds, well...he's an adult. As for those loans, he will have a six month deferment period after the end of the semester, and as long as they are all Federal loans, he can get set up with income-based repayment, which will set monthly payments at $0 if his income is low enough.

I did lousy my first try at college, then joined the Navy, and the discipline there (as well as explicit instruction in study skills) made a big difference for me. I went to college in my mid-20's and did just fine. Law school I went into with measured expectations (B's are good grades, something my 18 year old self would have thought insane, but in my mid-30's with 2 kids, I made myself accept) and took and extra year to finish. I'm pretty sure I'm ADD, but I didn't know that then. I'm only now considering meds.

 

  • Like 3
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If he goes back he should look at the business version of computer science instead of comp sci.  There will be more business classes (with intuitive work a bright kid can fake his way through) and less programming, which is like math in that it REQUIRES he MASTER every single assignment or he will fail every course.  Comp sci is not a field where you can ignore the work. When I was in school that program was called MIS (Management Information Systems), but it seems many schools have renamed the program something else now. Just look for the computer/business hybrid program.  The good news is that not only is that program easier than comp sci, it might be better long term. It would qualify him for the same types of entry level IT/Programming jobs, but he would also have the business background to move into management (project management or programmer supervision), and give him the required course work to go for an MBA later.

I would also have him look at local schools where he could live at home and you could oversee his work.  Potentially even the pre-MIS programs at community colleges if you live in a state with guaranteed course transfer. And also, oversee the video game time and coach time management, and possibly make sure he gets into behavioral therapy to increase his self-management skills. At this point trying meds would be non-negotiable for us.  With the understanding that it might take several years of 3-6 month experiments to find the right one. 

At the same time, if he could get an entry level tech support job through a temp agency he might find he can work his way into an okay income without a degree fairly quickly.  IT is one field where you don't even technically need a degree, but you DO need to have the focus to do the work and know the languages or you cannot get and keep jobs.

 

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry! Do you have a local community college? Community colleges are often really good at scaffolding students and helping them build up those skills that they need. I think taking a semester or year off to work full time, and then considering starting back at a CC (maybe even just one class at first, and you or someone at the CC can help him work on executive function skills and learning ways to keep track of assignments.) He might also consider starting meds before he would start back at a CC. Sometimes it can take a few tries to find a med that's a good fit--one that really helps with focus and concentration with few side effects. Everyone responds differently, and it might be good to have a med in place before trying classes again. A lot of maturity can happen in a year or so as well. His brain is still growing and developing. Encourage him that this is NOT the end at all. He's just discovered what won't work for him (going away to school with no supports in place). Praying for you both!

  • Like 3
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

He finally decided to try meds, and has one to start tomorrow!  Then once he's stable (probably not fall) he'll try a community college course.  He wants back to school, and is motivated to return!  And he has a job (might take a few months to start, but maybe he'll be steady on meds by then!)  The job isn't one he likes, so he'll be motivated to continue his education.  Thanks for the prayers...we're both feeling better now.

  • Like 4
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, kand said:

This sounds good. I also wondered if he had accommodations in place with the college.  Maybe you addressed that and I didn’t see it.  My oldest just got those in place halfway through her senior year after two years of DE, and it made a big difference for her.  I recommend he look into getting those in place at the community college. Learning to manage them there will help him if he decides to transfer to university in the future. 

He sort of had accommodations last semester.  A teacher put a restriction of no laptops in class (no exceptions), but that is the only way he can take notes.  He went to disability services and they worked something out for that one class (both parties compromised, I don't the details.)  Its really hard to get accommodations, though, that help with the inability to keep track of assignments or follow a to do list.  The school offers free tutoring, and those on academic probation meet every other week with a student success advisor.  Even that didn't help!

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Could he hire someone to help him organize himself once or twice every week? It sounds like he needs a personal administrative assistant to help him develop  better habits.   That person could help him make sure he puts all of his assignments from the school learning platform (Blackboard, D2L, etc.) in his assignment notebook, broken down into reasonable steps by reasonable dates.  Also, they could make sure he has down test dates, office hours for visiting profs, etc., and that needed alarms are set on his phone to remind him of whatever he often forgets.  They could help him set a study schedule for himself and make sure he follows up on his emails. They could even check in with him every day to make sure he's on track.  Obviously, the goal is to get him to where he can do all that on his own, but he needs help to develop all those habits. Paying for help with that now could save a lot in the long run.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 months later...

Statistically, fewer than 10% of students with ADHD will graduate college, some estimate even lower.  

We are facing some of this.  My son probably should have stayed home and gone to CC first, but I am the one who pushed and pushed him to get out there.  And now he is struggling.  He got 4 emails about finishing the sexual harassment online test (for all incoming students) and I finally had to point it out to him to do.  That was 2 weeks ago.  He still hasn't done it.  

I can also tell you that the "school of hard knocks" doesn't really teach him.  I wish it would.  He is sometimes off in LALA land.  

He is an A/B kid.  He got a scholarship.  Thankfully, the school he is at is very inexpensive, relatively speaking, so we won't be out $40K.  He isn't failing, so this year will "count" even if he leaves the school.

But just to give you a picture......he was supposed to turn in a portfolio with his application to the college.  He didn't see that part.  He got in to the college, but not into his major, because he missed a step.

He is now backpedaling and trying to get in for next year.  But the portfolio is due November 10th.  Ask me if he has started?????  And it really isn't something you can whip together in a month!  

We are thinking we may need to backpedal and go to CC for a year and then figure things out.  He can finish out this year at the 4 year school, get his Gen Ed classes, etc...if he really wants to.....

https://wcfcourier.com/news/local/for-adhd-students-transition-to-college-is-tough/article_950df28a-ac05-5b50-8768-2ed34aa05376.html

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 hours ago, DawnM said:

Statistically, fewer than 10% of students with ADHD will graduate college, some estimate even lower.  

Wow, hadn't read this.

18 hours ago, DawnM said:

 But the portfolio is due November 10th.  Ask me if he has started?????

Yup, we so live this. And dd is functional and is surviving (with high supports, with lots of tech, blah blah), but still this stuff happens.

 

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 9 months later...
On 5/11/2018 at 6:23 PM, jd_4kids said:

He finally decided to try meds, and has one to start tomorrow!  Then once he's stable (probably not fall) he'll try a community college course.  He wants back to school, and is motivated to return!  And he has a job (might take a few months to start, but maybe he'll be steady on meds by then!)  The job isn't one he likes, so he'll be motivated to continue his education.  Thanks for the prayers...we're both feeling better now.



I think this is a good plan.

Mama, if this were my kiddo? I'd attempt to get him to consider a manufacturing job with a company that offers to pay for school.  He could work there for 1-2 years.  Likely he will have better success at school when he's a few years older rather than imminently.  DH works in a company where there is low level skill ability - meaning you can walk off the street and do the job for decent pay (better than BK) but it's technologically advanced so they are always seeking to hire / promote computer adept kids.  They pay for classes, so a kiddo could work there, take classes at the CC, graduate, advance, all within the same stable atmosphere, kwim?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
On 7/24/2019 at 8:08 AM, BlsdMama said:



I think this is a good plan.

Mama, if this were my kiddo? I'd attempt to get him to consider a manufacturing job with a company that offers to pay for school.  He could work there for 1-2 years.  Likely he will have better success at school when he's a few years older rather than imminently.  DH works in a company where there is low level skill ability - meaning you can walk off the street and do the job for decent pay (better than BK) but it's technologically advanced so they are always seeking to hire / promote computer adept kids.  They pay for classes, so a kiddo could work there, take classes at the CC, graduate, advance, all within the same stable atmosphere, kwim?

 

What sort of business is this?!?! I think we will need that too very likely. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 5/2/2018 at 7:57 PM, jd_4kids said:

My son announced his 2nd term grades this evening, and it wasn't good (and he was on academic probation from first term, so these grades end his college career.)  Trying to figure out what he does now!  He refuses medication, but I honestly don't know that he can get or keep a job, either.  I feel really bad for him....his major was his passion, and he loved school (but couldn't keep track of assignments or manage his time.)  He is "gifted", for what little good that does him.  He now has 40K in loans to repay, and NEEDS to work to repay the loan.  Has anyone here been through this?  Any words of wisdom?  I could send him to technical school, but I'm not sure that helps too much when the problem is ADHD.   He'd probably fail that, too.  His college advisor said he could petition for another shot (just one), but he was already trying so hard, that I'm doubtful another semester would miraculously improve.  The material isn't hard, he just misses assignments.  He is willing to consider meds, now, for college, but thinks he can handle a job without meds, sigh, because he wouldn't have as much to juggle.  He is still looking for entry level work in his field (computer science), but should he be looking at Burger King at this point?  Encourage me (and him).

 

We are behind you so I’m mostly reading to learn, and maybe make other mistakes instead...

 I think a basic job like Burger King would itself be very, very hard. Should not be looked at as merely Zburger king rather than being  a “better “ job .

 It could be a way to learn how to do work without as much impact on his chosen field.   As much as one might help scaffold and applaud a Down’s syndrome child for managing a Burger King job, so too I think someone with significant ADHD would need scaffolding support and recognition for managing each step.  Even if medication taken. 

I’m hoping my Ds can get a job doing something like bagging groceries after he gets his Driver License.

 It would be huge. IMO

 

I definitely think some time working and learning better how to deal with his  adhd would be a good idea before petitioning for a last shot.

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

UPDATE:  This original post is rather old.  My son finally accepted he needed medication, and he is just finishing up at community college.  Medication has made a huge difference for him (though he is experiencing side effects that may limit how long he can be on the medication.)  He is applying to university.   He has tried two jobs without success...the first he quit after a week (he was being teased and couldn't take it) and the second he was fired before his first day after training due to not understanding when he was supposed to be there.   He has no interest in working low-level jobs, anymore, despite us pushing it.  He is working around the house for us, and is a very hard worker!  However, he needs instructions given one at a time.  He is majoring in computer science and is very knowledgeable, but will need the right job/employer who is willing to work with him.  (I also work in that field, and look at some of my coworkers and guess they probably had similar challenges.)

We were talking yesterday about what he wishes had happened when he was younger.  He wishes I had pushed harder for him to turn in assignments, and get his work done.   (I tried.)  He wishes he'd tried medication earlier.  He thinks homeschooling was probably a detriment to him in the long run, though understands why we did.  I honestly don't know what I'd do differently if I had a do-over.  We tried co-ops and classes and such over the years, and they were always a disaster.  So was public high school (which should have forewarned us against university.)  I don't think the schools would have known what to do with him any more than I did!  

Yes, I think work experience would be great for him, but he needs the right employer, and our local grocery store was not it!  I am anxious for him to get and keep a job!!  However, I will likely have to wait until he gets a summer internship in his field (maybe next summer, but more likely the following summer.)  I am encouraged by him doing a good job for us (though he is still making poor financial decision with what little money he gets.)  Independence is still a ways off, I think.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, jd_4kids said:

but he needs the right employer, and our local grocery store was not it!  I am anxious for him to get and keep a job!! 

I'm so glad he's doing better on the medication! Have you looked into transition services? It's a thing and there are usually businesses, the county board of developmental disabilities, etc. doing it. Honestly, he sounds kind of spectrumy. He probably is going to need some support to be ready to understand his employer's point of view and get the job thing going. So finding someone who does transition services would be the way. It can be a variety of professionals, but that's what it's called.

Edited by PeterPan
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, jd_4kids said:

We were talking yesterday about what he wishes had happened when he was younger.  He wishes I had pushed harder for him to turn in assignments, and get his work done.   (I tried.)  He wishes he'd tried medication earlier.  He thinks homeschooling was probably a detriment to him in the long run, though understands why we did.  I honestly don't know what I'd do differently if I had a do-over.  We tried co-ops and classes and such over the years, and they were always a disaster.  So was public high school (which should have forewarned us against university.)  I don't think the schools would have known what to do with him any more than I did!  

 

I would take that with a grain of salt... my daughter only went to public school and never turned in assignments.   Her K-10 years were pretty much all over the place.  But definitely overt executive functioning skills needed to be explicitly taught and they weren't.  She has taught herself them now through books and youtube videos.  

She also is the type to not do something unless SHE wants to do it. So even if I myself had tried to make her turn them in, she wouldn't have.  I think I was not the best parent for such a strong willed kid. C'est la vie. 

Jobs have been very tricky.  She has a job at school that she LOVES and she pours everything she has into it.  It's perfect for her and it pays next to nothing.  She has an internship this summer that she detests and she would be fired from it if they didn't know she was leaving soon.  To them she is flaky, unreliable, and has problems paying attention to detail.  To the other job she is an extremely diligent worker, comes up with great solutions, and manages 10 people under her with ease and promotes social unity even at her workplace.   These kids just don't have any in-between! It's either all in or getting fired. 😞 

Hopefully he can keep trying to experiment with different meds.  My dd tried a few different ones and short acting Ritalin works the best.  She has alarms that remind her to take her medicine throughout the day.   She tried two others but one had terrible first day side effects and the other just wasn't as effective. (Concerta -- same as Ritalin but long acting).  Then getting the dosage of the Ritalin right took awhile too.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...