Adult parenting is hard.

[BlsdMama]

As is keeping my yap shut.

DS told me he is expecting two Cs.  Not such a big deal, right?  But kiddo pulled a 3.0 last semester.  If he drops below a 3.0 he gets a (big) renewable scholarship yanked.

Just as an FYI, I love Mock Trial.  I LOVE it. I love that he does Mock Trial.  I love that he's good enough to be on the team.  I love that he spends his weekends mocking instead of, goodness knows, the other things he could be doing.  But in college they travel about three days a week - Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  If your kid is an engineering student with no ambition to become a trial lawyer, one might want to bribe, cajole, plead, beg, and nag for them to not do Mock.  Because Mock will have cost him, at a minimum, $18k this year if that second C happens.  He is working like crazy right now, hoping to ace finals and pull a B in one of the classes.  

[mumto2]

My DS needs to have the options pointed out to him VERY clearly.  He forgets the details and doesn’t quite get the bigger picture always.    I would be so very tempted to have a time management discussion about now.  My DC’s are living at home and I tend to look at this time as transition.  ;)

[katilac]

1 hour ago, BlsdMama said:

 Because Mock will have cost him, at a minimum, $18k this year if that second C happens.   

 

 

Holy moly, will he even be able to get loans for that amount?

Did he check their full policy? some schools have an automatic probation semester, some have an appeals process. 'I did not realize how much time my very worthy activity was going to take, this is how I'm going to change things' has an excellent chance of succeeding if they have appeals. 

[catz]

Ahh that would be so stressful!  Is he sure he is in the right major for him?

Is he taking other loans right now?  Because 18K seems pretty impossible.  I would not keep my mouth shut if he's thinking you're going to be willing to cosign for these loans he may need.    

[Kassia]

Ugh.  That is hard.  And one of my biggest fears when it comes to a scholarship worth a lot of money.  

[DawnM]

I fear we may be looking at the same predicament, however, my son would just lose the scholarship until he can get back up to a 3.0, which we hope he can do.  We, like you, are still hoping he can pull out of this, but it is looking a little grim at this point.

 

And I will be honest, my middle son is going to a MUCH cheaper school and if he loses his scholarship it won't be a hardship for us as the school is cheap and his scholarship is small.  I WISH they had my older son's major, I really do.  I wouldn't stress nearly as much.  

I stressed yesterday after looking at his account and seeing what his current grades are and seeing that he skipped a class.  I called DH and he stressed all day too.  He came home and told me to please STOP checking his account during work days as it makes it impossible to get work done when he is stressing.  SIGH.

[BlsdMama]

23 hours ago, mumto2 said:

My DS needs to have the options pointed out to him VERY clearly.  He forgets the details and doesn’t quite get the bigger picture always.    I would be so very tempted to have a time management discussion about now.  My DC’s are living at home and I tend to look at this time as transition.  ;)

This kid is a thinker.  I know precisely what happened - he has always been able to keep all the balls in the air.  It never occurred to him that in his real life, that he would not be able to juggle perfectly and pull grades at least a B or above.  It is truly shocking for him.  His time management skills are better than mine at 42.  (Not kidding.)  The catch is that Engineering is a hard program and traveling and/or being gone three days a week, for many weeks, for most of the school year is a lack of time more than a lack of management, kwim?  He did CC (dual enrollment) his junior and senior year, while doing hs mock and working. To him it was just more of the same and he pulled high grades in his CC classes.  He sounded truly shocked that there was impact here.  I knew he would be. :(  

22 hours ago, katilac said:

 

Holy moly, will he even be able to get loans for that amount?

Did he check their full policy? some schools have an automatic probation semester, some have an appeals process. 'I did not realize how much time my very worthy activity was going to take, this is how I'm going to change things' has an excellent chance of succeeding if they have appeals. 

I'm sorry - I should have explained better - the $18k is losing a renewable scholarship at $6 per year for the remaining three years.  It was me being all dramatic and tallying the total. ;)  No probation / grace period.  We'll see.  Sigh.

 

 

19 hours ago, FuzzyCatz said:

Ahh that would be so stressful!  Is he sure he is in the right major for him?

Is he taking other loans right now?  Because 18K seems pretty impossible.  I would not keep my mouth shut if he's thinking you're going to be willing to cosign for these loans he may need.    

That's a really good question.  He loves Civil Engineering as a major.  He did a C.E.  internship and did "pre-engineering" classes in high school at CC.  I suspect he'll end up in politics long term, but he wants to do Civil Engineering and he can't fathom doing law in his real life.  He just has an absolute passion for mock trial.  We have an amazing high school coach and I think she really lit a fire.  Then he moved onto college and decided to give it a shot.  They have another good coach.  It's amazing how compelling a coach who invests in kids can be, kwim?  And for him, it was an insta-community.  I can totally understand the attraction.


The $6k is possible.  He put in for an Eagle scholarship that we will hear back on in July and put in for Chick-FilA scholarships that we expect to hear back on this summer.  Hoping both will come through to fill gaps.  Both were based off high school GPA, ACT, financial need, and extra-curriculars - so I think his chances are quite high.  He plans on shooting for an ROTC scholarship this year (for his junior/senior years) but I think that sub 3.0 gpa will kill his chances at that because they'll go off his college GPA - anyone know if this is true?

[katilac]

2 hours ago, BlsdMama said:

I'm sorry - I should have explained better - the $18k is losing a renewable scholarship at $6 per year for the remaining three years.  It was me being all dramatic and tallying the total. ;)  No probation / grace period.  We'll see.  Sigh.

 

 

Phew. That's not good but it's doable. 

[BlsdMama]

20 hours ago, DawnM said:

 

And I will be honest, my middle son is going to a MUCH cheaper school and if he loses his scholarship it won't be a hardship for us as the school is cheap and his scholarship is small.  I WISH they had my older son's major, I really do.  I wouldn't stress nearly as much.  

I stressed yesterday after looking at his account and seeing what his current grades are and seeing that he skipped a class.  I called DH and he stressed all day too.  He came home and told me to please STOP checking his account during work days as it makes it impossible to get work done when he is stressing.  SIGH.

 

 

LOL!  Oh Dawn!  I do not sign into his account because of so many factors.  Ana wouldn't have minded me checking it but I know he would so I don't do it.  Funny how each kid is different.  He gave me his login and password and I just avoid it.  It's amusing because we're at the same university so we both  have the same login link and his name auto-populates on my computer.  But, there is no accounting for that curve.  He was *certain* last semester that he had messed up a class that was going to affect his ability to take the next two classes in secession and he was wrong.  So, those Cs he is so sure of could wiggle, plus the finals that he is actively prepping for.  

His school isn't terribly expensive - instate tuition at our university AND his tuition would be covered, he'd just have to live at home and forego living on campus and he'd be fine - nothing out of pocket.  

THIS is where we wonder - IF he were to lose the scholarship (and we warned him after last semester that he would HAVE to pull a 3.0+ GPA this semester or risk losing it) and we encouraged him to consider that Mock was going to cost him...  So he made an informed decision.  And I can't help but think that if he can't afford to live on campus that he'll have to do what his sister did - live at home, commute, work.  But, the other part of me says, "She was a Liberal Arts major, not Engineering."  AND honestly?  Living at home was expensive.  She had to have a car, commute, pay for gas, the time of the commute was almost an hour each way, and being off campus didn't allow for study groups, etc. unless they stayed late and not having a dorm room was an imposition.  But the dorm plus food is about $11k and change.  That's significant.  I'm not sure that DH and I should have to make up that gap for him to live on campus because of choices that were consciously made, kwim?  And he isn't asking us to (just to be clear) but I also know kiddo isn't going to earn the $1k/month that would be the gap.  He wants to do it all on his own.  So the question becomes how much could he work/save this summer? Almost nothing.  He's taking summer classes and commuting for that and driving his gas guzzler, assuming it lives.

And this is where the adult parenting is so hard.  Sigh.

[madteaparty]

To help you look at the bright side, he can decide to go to law school and with his engineering background become a patent attorney! 

Though. He will need the GPA for a good law school. Right, back to bribing you go (sorry). 

[DawnM]

17 hours ago, BlsdMama said:

 

 

LOL!  Oh Dawn!  I do not sign into his account because of so many factors.  Ana wouldn't have minded me checking it but I know he would so I don't do it.  Funny how each kid is different.  He gave me his login and password and I just avoid it.  It's amusing because we're at the same university so we both  have the same login link and his name auto-populates on my computer.  But, there is no accounting for that curve.  He was *certain* last semester that he had messed up a class that was going to affect his ability to take the next two classes in secession and he was wrong.  So, those Cs he is so sure of could wiggle, plus the finals that he is actively prepping for.  

 

 

Full disclosure.  This is my Aspie, so we have said we need access as he doesn't pay attention to due dates for things like payments, etc....

Middle son is heading to college soon and our rule is full access if we are paying the bill, BUT, I doubt I will need to monitor his as much, although he won't pay attention to payment dates either I bet.

[BlsdMama]

We've paid like a grand total of $600 for his schooling so far since graduation so he has done a really great job so far.  The hard part is that we are not going to fill the gap left by the loss of the scholarship.

Then yesterday we found out he lost most of the Pell too.  (He didn't have a lot, but we had two in college last year.)  With his sister getting married and the FAFSA not counting me as a college student, that went out the window.

We talked pretty frankly about bills today.  We are very hopeful two outside scholarships are going to come through.  I did call the FA office today to doublecheck about Consortium (splitting hours between the University and CC) to live at home and avoid some of the costs.  They told us when (if) the decision is made to appeal his scholarships in writing.  So, here's to that.  He'll have like a 2.9 if his calculator is correct and he was on the University's mock team, so here's to hoping this will gain him a few points.

[goldberry]

Any news for your DS on his scholarship?  Just wondering!  

[MtnTeaching]

Our DS lost his scholarship.  Ugg.  It was painful.  He was a Resident Assistant and living 8 hours away.  He had a full ride between the scholarship and the job (housing and meals).  Unfortunately, the amount of work and stress of the RA job dealing with everything from suicide attempts, to overdoses, and abuse, while carrying over a full load, caused a crash and burn.  He just could not recover and his grade point average took a huge hit. He is working this summer to help pay for a semester overseas, then he only has two more semesters with light loads.  

The whole experience was an opportunity for all of us to learn a lot.  I understand totally about trying to keep the mouth shut.  It is not something I tend to do very well.  It is so hard to see them struggling and even failing at something you both have worked so hard to attain for so many years.  There is also the monetary part of the equation.  He/we will now have debt that we had hoped would not be there.

I hope all works out for you regarding the scholarship.

[BlsdMama]

On 5/22/2018 at 5:36 PM, goldberry said:

Any news for your DS on his scholarship?  Just wondering!  

Nothing!  They sent out an email - he lost one and kept one.  They told him to appeal if he felt he had a valid reason and his plan for "recovery" which included retaking his two "C" courses.  So now we're waiting.  They said response should be 2-3 weeks to find out if the appeal is granted.  It's been like 15 days?  

We found out about the Eagle scholarships on July 15 - really hoping that one comes through.  Kiddo spent a good chunk of his high school years volunteering, being involved in Scouts, coaching middle school mock, etc. so hoping it works out for him.  

 

[regentrude]

3 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

 They told him to appeal if he felt he had a valid reason and his plan for "recovery" which included retaking his two "C" courses. 

His college allows him to do that?

Ours does only permits students to retake courses in which they receive a grade of D or F. 

[BlsdMama]

1 hour ago, regentrude said:

His college allows him to do that?

Ours does only permits students to retake courses in which they receive a grade of D or F. 

He can retake any classes he wants.  However, he can only replace up to three grades over the course of his degree.  So, he'd be retaking two "C" grades to replace them in order to fall back above a 3.0 which seems a little crazy, but if it allows him to be more competitive for an ROTC scholarship or for them to grant his appeal, then he's willing.

[Bootsie]

7 hours ago, BlsdMama said:

He can retake any classes he wants.  However, he can only replace up to three grades over the course of his degree.  So, he'd be retaking two "C" grades to replace them in order to fall back above a 3.0 which seems a little crazy, but if it allows him to be more competitive for an ROTC scholarship or for them to grant his appeal, then he's willing.

If his overall GPA is 2.9, is retaking courses (especially two) that he has made a "C" in be the best way to bring his GPA up?  For each "c" he will need an "a" to offset it to make a 3.0.  If he currently has a 2.9, it sounds as if he could have all B's and one A next semester and be back to a 3.0 overall GPA.  He will need to make at least a B in the classes he is retaking anyway, If he takes new classes he would be moving toward graduation and would not need significantly higher grades than if he is retaking items that he has made a 'c" in.  Also, I don't know how they will report it on his transcript, but if he has two classes listed as "grade replaced" or "repeated" with no grade by it, a future employer or graduate program may think he failed the courses the first time.  

I would also want to check on what that would mean for the % of course hours he has attempted and completed.  That ratio can impact financial aid decisions, also.  If he has two courses for which grades are replaced, his % hours for that semester may be low.

[BlsdMama]

On 6/22/2018 at 6:32 PM, jdahlquist said:

If his overall GPA is 2.9, is retaking courses (especially two) that he has made a "C" in be the best way to bring his GPA up?  For each "c" he will need an "a" to offset it to make a 3.0.  If he currently has a 2.9, it sounds as if he could have all B's and one A next semester and be back to a 3.0 overall GPA.  He will need to make at least a B in the classes he is retaking anyway, If he takes new classes he would be moving toward graduation and would not need significantly higher grades than if he is retaking items that he has made a 'c" in.  Also, I don't know how they will report it on his transcript, but if he has two classes listed as "grade replaced" or "repeated" with no grade by it, a future employer or graduate program may think he failed the courses the first time.  

I would also want to check on what that would mean for the % of course hours he has attempted and completed.  That ratio can impact financial aid decisions, also.  If he has two courses for which grades are replaced, his % hours for that semester may be low.

I think this is really a good question.  I brought it up to him last night when we found it his VERY good news! ?

So the Cs were actually a C- and a C+.  The C- he really needs to retake-  he doesn't feel comfortable in the class and as a a pre-requisite he is worried that if he just moves on, he's going to be doing more harm than good.  On the C+ he LOVES the class, the prof, everything about it.  He bombed a major test fairly early on and couldn't recover - it was his Calc class and his pre-req had been at another college and had covered everything in a different way and he got caught in the gap early on.  He is confident of an A. 

So, that paired with two more classes and another ROTC class (all As so far) he feels this will readily pull him above the necessary 3.0. 

[BlsdMama]

UPDATE:

So, lesson to everyone - ALWAYS appeal.

I honestly thought without any major family/medical blah, blah, blah, that he would get denied.

He did NOT!  His scholarship was handed back with the caveat that he needed to pull it up to a 3.0 THIS semester.  After that - full reinstatement!  Great news!!  SO glad!

[katilac]

3 hours ago, BlsdMama said:

So, lesson to everyone - ALWAYS appeal.
 

1

 

Absolutely! 

I did not appeal way back in the day when I lost my scholarship (first semester, ugh) because that is exactly what I thought - I did not have a major crisis, therefore not a good enough reason. I had no idea that you could appeal and say, "I had a rough time adjusting to college. This is what I did wrong, and this is what I'm going to do differently." and have an excellent chance of being approved. 

Sometimes I still feel a little sick when I think of the difference appealing might have made to my overall college experience and getting launched in life.