Jump to content

Menu

Talking after church


Recommended Posts

Does your family tolerate it or complain?

If we aren’t in a hurry to be somewhere afterwards, I don’t see the problem and I think it helps to build up church community.  

Ironically, Dh doesn’t think it’s a problem to chat for an hour after each practice or game, but complains when I talk for 20 minutes after church.

Link to post
Share on other sites

our church building is  <10 minutes away and now we end up taking separate cars due to schedules. 

it has cut down on someone being annoyed because someone else is talking.  (unless there is a time crunch - they can chillax.)

Link to post
Share on other sites

There is a pretty lively coffee/snack/chat time at our church after the morning service.  One of my kids hates it so I don't always stay long.  Most of the time we take two (or all 3) cars so those who want to leave quickly can, and those who want to stay and chat do. That doesn't help the non-driver in the family though. :-)

I think it does help build community.  I like being friendly with the people I go to church with.  That sounded kind of weird, as if others don't like being friendly, but I don't mean it that way. We try to cultivate a "church family" vibe.  I know not everyone likes/wants that. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

talkers here... but we have pretty elaborate coffee hours after services because we fast from all food/drink in preparation for communion... so we're hungry! LOL.  Children's school is after services so parents will often talk while they wait for their kids.  Also, our church members are geographically spread out.  So staying after services for fellowship is part of the normal routine at my parish.  Not that everyone stays.  There are people who leave right away and people who stay.  Just depends.

Back when we were Evangelical Protestants it was very normal to stick around after services and fellowship.  Some times it was the only time we saw them during the week and we wanted to catch up.

Are you close enough to your church to take 2 cars.?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Growing up, I went to a tiny church and it was very common for everyone to chit chat for up to an hour after services, and then some would head out to lunch together. 

We moved and started attending a big church, and it was amazing how fast that church would clear out after the service was done!  People would put on coats and start sidling out before the last song was done.  The entire church would be empty with tumbleweed within 10 minutes of the last amen.

I prefer the hang around and talk scenario.  I know that my dh prefers going to an early church service because he packs in a lot on Sunday and likes to get out of church and get a start on other things.  Or, sometimes he just wants to get home and chill after a long week.  I’d prefer to go later and talk with people, except that most of them have cleared out so fast, so I don’t get to do that very often.

If your dh really dislikes it, then driving separately sounds like a good idea.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It hasn't been something I've done.  For years I always had something else scheduled after church, so we needed to book it out of there.  I would talk some between Sunday School church if anyone felt so inclined.  I also have the opportunity for some fellowship before / during Sunday School.

Usually I'm dressed less comfortably when I go to church, so I could see being antsy to get home and change into my casual clothes and demeanor.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sometimes we stay and chat, sometimes we have to leave right away for personal reasons. When we stay and chat, we take our cues from each other, not leaving until both are ready to do so. It's worked for us for going on 25 years now!

Link to post
Share on other sites
44 minutes ago, maggie18 said:

I suspect that talking after church mostly only happens at smaller churches.  In the larger churches we have attended, everyone leaves when the service is over.

 

We attend a large church and there are always people staying after and chatting. The lobby areas, playground and courtyard are full of people for 30-40 minutes past the last services. Between services, they are full for about 30 minutes, as people move from one thing to another, some are finished and they chat, other people are catching up with people on the move.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
26 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

I don't really know anyone at church, so I don't stay and chat (giant parish...none of my friends are Catholic but me). I would if I knew more people and kids weren't fussing, etc. 

 

It's a bit of a vicious circle I think - it's hard to get to know people at church without staying for the coffee hour (or whatever it's called) but it can also be awkward to stay if you don't know anyone.  Of course adding antsy kids into the mix doesn't help!   I hope you can find a way to meet some people there so you can stay sometimes. Do the kids have friends at church from Sunday School or whatever?

Link to post
Share on other sites
26 minutes ago, marbel said:

 

It's a bit of a vicious circle I think - it's hard to get to know people at church without staying for the coffee hour (or whatever it's called) but it can also be awkward to stay if you don't know anyone.  Of course adding antsy kids into the mix doesn't help!   I hope you can find a way to meet some people there so you can stay sometimes. Do the kids have friends at church from Sunday School or whatever?

 

They do to some extent, but faith formation is actually on Wednesdays, so it isn't as if they are already together and could just hang out. They'd have to find each other and it's a big parish and the building has multiple exits so trying to find someone afterwards isn't easy. And there isn't a coffee hour most of the time, only on special occasions. Today they did have cake outside but we were meeting family for lunch so didn't stay. I think once the baby is older I'll get more involved.

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, maggie18 said:

I suspect that talking after church mostly only happens at smaller churches.  In the larger churches we have attended, everyone leaves when the service is over.

I think talking happens when people know each other.  Our church has three services and several thousand people, but we still talk. 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

When we used to have one service, everyone stayed afterwards and talked.

Now that we have two, not anymore.  The early service folks are either headed over to Bible class or leaving, so there tends not to be a critical mass.  Plus it is awkward to stand around and converse instead of going to adult class.  The late service folks are hungry--it's 12:15 when that service lets out.  The change was about 10 years ago now, and it dealt a body blow to our sense of fellowship that has never recovered.  It's really too bad.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, maggie18 said:

I suspect that talking after church mostly only happens at smaller churches.  In the larger churches we have attended, everyone leaves when the service is over.

 

Our large church has many people who stay and visit after the service. I don't think size is the determining factor. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Our church offers coffee and snacks after the service, so we have always stayed and talked for 15-30 minutes. Most of DS17's friends no longer attend church and he isn't really into chatting with adults, so he takes DS5 outside to play until the rest of us are ready to go. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

The service ends ~12:20 and we are hungry, so unless I'm going to pack food, we go straight home. Many other people stay and talk. There is a coffee hour, but nobody in our house wants coffee at that time of day, and one of us is unlikely to be able to eat the snack available.

I wish church started an hour earlier.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My dh is ALWAYS the last one to leave after a church meeting. It doesn't matter if it's with our fellowship or we're just visiting somewhere I can count on being there quite awhile. I never really thought about minding it. It's just the way that it is. Usually I just find a lady to chat with or I sit and eavesdrop on his conversation while I entertain the children.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I like to talk but my introverted dh and two children wander around for awhile and then go sit in the car. LOL. If I am super long one of them comes to get me.  =)  I have friends who have driven separate for this reason.  Lots of times that is my only social time since I am in a children's Sunday School class and miss adult Sunday School most of the time.

Link to post
Share on other sites

That's my other issue, I'm introverted and somewhat face blind. But I'm CONSIDERING going to the parish mom's group meeting this thursday. I've been to one of their holiday parties, but it was hard for me, I think because it was a social event only and at someone's house and everyone else knew each other. It was my first time. This is one of their normal events, at the church, with a video being shown about prayer. And they said kids are welcome. I tend to avoid also because I'm sure they expect preschoolers, not my 8 yr old DD, but she'll be at a daddy/daughter event this Thursday so I could check it out without her and see if it seems like something I could bring her to. 

Maybe. Such an introvert, lol. But I can't complain about not having Christian friends if I don't try to make some, huh?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said:

When we used to have one service, everyone stayed afterwards and talked.

Now that we have two, not anymore.  The early service folks are either headed over to Bible class or leaving, so there tends not to be a critical mass.  Plus it is awkward to stand around and converse instead of going to adult class.  The late service folks are hungry--it's 12:15 when that service lets out.  The change was about 10 years ago now, and it dealt a body blow to our sense of fellowship that has never recovered.  It's really too bad.

That is one of our big criticisms about multiple services.  It tends to create two churches that inhabit the same building.  We have seen it happen more than once.  A bigger building or church plant is healthier than splitting an existing body up into two different main meeting times, if it can at all be helped.

 

One of our churches that hit critical mass and split into two services actually recombined after three years, because it impacted the growth and health of the fellowship.  We would rather be sardines together than have elbow room apart ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. But I don’t usually want to because after the wrestle to get everyone ready before church and there on time, and after helping in Sunday school or music or whatever else needs help, I’m ready to go home for my day of rest.

Link to post
Share on other sites
26 minutes ago, Arctic Mama said:

That is one of our big criticisms about multiple services.  It tends to create two churches that inhabit the same building.  We have seen it happen more than once.  A bigger building or church plant is healthier than splitting an existing body up into two different main meeting times, if it can at all be helped.

 

One of our churches that hit critical mass and split into two services actually recombined after three years, because it impacted the growth and health of the fellowship.  We would rather be sardines together than have elbow room apart ;)

 

I guess I would wonder, is it necessary a problem to have two groups?  I do tend to think that at a certain size, a parish should probably split because it's too large to really operate as one community.  

But sometimes there really is a call for a few service times.  We have one main service on Sunday, but also an 8am service which is quite a bit smaller, maybe 20 regular people.  They do in many ways make a group of their own, as they get to know each other better and such.  But we share many things as well, and there is room in the parish for all of them.  

Link to post
Share on other sites
23 minutes ago, Bluegoat said:

 

I guess I would wonder, is it necessary a problem to have two groups?  I do tend to think that at a certain size, a parish should probably split because it's too large to really operate as one community.  

But sometimes there really is a call for a few service times.  We have one main service on Sunday, but also an 8am service which is quite a bit smaller, maybe 20 regular people.  They do in many ways make a group of their own, as they get to know each other better and such.  But we share many things as well, and there is room in the parish for all of them.  

 

We have 1 Saturday evening service and 4 Sunday services, and many of those are standing room only. None are sparsely attended. One service just isn't an option, without building a stadium sized building. And there just aren't enough priests to divide up into more parishes. But needs must and all that. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

We are talkers even my introverted Husabnd goes out of his way to chat and connect.  Community is a huge part of our churches identity.  Our Sunday is Small group coffee, Service, After service discussion/chat and lunch out with a couple families.

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Arctic Mama said:

That is one of our big criticisms about multiple services.  It tends to create two churches that inhabit the same building.  We have seen it happen more than once.  A bigger building or church plant is healthier than splitting an existing body up into two different main meeting times, if it can at all be helped.

 

One of our churches that hit critical mass and split into two services actually recombined after three years, because it impacted the growth and health of the fellowweship.  We would rather be sardines together than have elbow room apart ;)

We have 2 services.  The 9 am is more traditional and quiet and finishes at 10.  They have coffee and talk to those arriving for the 10.30 service then go home when the 10.30 starts.  The 10.30 finishes about 11.45 and people stay and talk after while the kids play.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My dh and I would always stay and talk.  Our church was just a few blocks away from home and we walked back and forth, so we'd tell the kids that after they said three things to three different adults, they could just walk home on their own and not wait around.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I grew up Catholic and now am UU, and the addition of a coffee hour is just wonderful. 

But to be fair, when I was Catholic, there were more opportunities for every-week community outside of service.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My daughters and I love to stay and talk. My dh doesn't like it and hasn't connected with anyone. He says he isn't rushing us out, but his body language says otherwise. He doesn't have much time off so I try to leave after 20 or 30 minutes so we can get home, eat lunch, and get on to whatever projects or relaxing needs to get done. On Sundays he can't make it to church we stay much longer.

Link to post
Share on other sites
17 hours ago, maggie18 said:

I suspect that talking after church mostly only happens at smaller churches.  In the larger churches we have attended, everyone leaves when the service is over.

 

Oh goodness, we have been in a large church for the past 10 years and I stay and talk and sometimes go out to eat afterwards. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

This thread cracks me up. Growing up we used to moan sometimes about Mom and Dad chatting after church. Of course, way back then we'd usually have donuts so we could at least look forward to that. Mom has parkinson's now and can't stand to linger after Mass which makes things difficult for Dad if he wants to chit chat. She can barely speak at all. Now, my family, I usually just go with just ds and we don't do a whole lot of chatting. I talked to the priest very briefly after Mass this Sunday but that was it. When we took dd and she was in diapers I would worry they'd lock me in the church if I didn't rush out of the bathroom! They almost did before. They are quick to lock up the building some days. Now they know me well enough I think they'd just say, "just secure the door behind you" because that is exactly what happened on a cold day recently when ds and I were waiting for dh to pick us up since he and dd had gone grocery shopping during Sunday school/Mass. We didn't want to wait in the cold and they didn't want to kick us out. Dh says that woman always scowls at him lol. 

The church where I currently attend does a small coffee/donuts like once a month? And I notice most people fly in and out. They don't really go to talk. Their kids get a cookie or donut and juice and the parents might get something as well but no one really stays. I've met more people from being involved in other areas of the church (like the ladies' Lenten retreat or Sunday school teachers) but I think most people kinda head out after Mass. Between the early Sun. morning Mass and other one we are in Sunday school. Some adults might chit chat before/after their own class if they attend the Bible study one. 

Now the tiny mission church where we used to go more does have a weekly get together time after Mass (coffee and small snack). Some people stay, some don't. But usually at least a few stick around. And they do a potluck breakfast monthly. That church is composed of a mostly older group. 

It's not uncommon to return to the pew after Communion and see that many of the people that were seated by you are gone. Definitely not sticking around to chat lol. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/22/2018 at 5:59 PM, Arctic Mama said:

That is one of our big criticisms about multiple services.  It tends to create two churches that inhabit the same building.  We have seen it happen more than once.  A bigger building or church plant is healthier than splitting an existing body up into two different main meeting times, if it can at all be helped.

 

 

I don't get it.  How would 2 churches at 2 different locations be any more or less healthy than 2 churches that inhabit the same building?  Other than the 2 in one building having a better chance of being more financially stable.

I've been to lots of churches with multiple services and lots with only 1.   We have 2 services in English ( 1 early, 1 late) an early afternoon service in Vietnamese and a late afternoon service in Spanish.  How is that unhealthy? It's been great for me to have 2 service choices because my extended family all attend churches with 1 early service, so I can now go to an early one instead of deciding which to skip-the early part of the family event for my 1 church service or the late part of the church service for my family event.  Now I just go the the early service those Sundays and miss nothing from either.

I haven't seen that attending a large service is any more community inducing that 2 smaller services.  I've seen it harder to get to know people in a huge group as opposed to a smaller one,  but most churches I've attended had mid week gathers at people's homes in smaller groups specifically so people could get to know each other better. Most people choose the one closest to their home to increase that sense of community, but plenty choose one farther away because it's on a weeknight that better suits their schedule.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...