Chris in VA Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 So, I love Facebook. I am active probably every day on it, and enjoy keeping up with far-away friends, posting little funny things, and occasionally posting something more profound. I try not to overpost. I also love it because I can look at people's pages that I don't know, and glean some information. It's the detective in me, I think. lol (I don't just do this to random people for kicks--it's for people I'm curious about but don't know well.) So here is the thing-- Dd has a roommate now for college. They've never met. I got on FB to see her page and her family's pages. I didn't friend her, I only looked at what was public. (I loved what I saw, but that's not my point.) I fully intend on meeting her family in person and getting to know them a little, like meeting her mom and dad IN THE CONTEXT of being at the same place at the same time--move-in day, probably. I am not going to become best buddies or anything. Dh says that (scoping out the FB pages) is creepy. But my feeling is, it's a public space with self-chosen public information. If you aren't ok with people seeing what business you put on FB, you make your posts "not public." It isn't being a "creeper" to go to someone's page and reading what they've put out for all the world to see. Or...is it? Help me out here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 I don't think so. If one keeps a page public, he should know that people are going to look at it. If you stalk someone - go to all their social media accounts - still not creepy but too much like a teenager. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 I don't consider this creepy. As you say, people choose what information they want to present to the public. To me, it makes sense to check out how a person you encounter in some context has chosen to curate her public profile. It's not like you're running a background check. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SanDiegoMom Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Well I totally stalked both of my daughters new roommates before they moved in. New roommates are such a big deal for a freshman, especially when she's never been away from home for very long! I knew everything about them and their family before she did. She did totally call me creepy but I would label myself over-involved and protective. I will say that this year as she was looking for new roommates and did the whole Facebook post looking for one, I didn't check out the new candidates. My daughter has been there for almost a year, has a lot more confidence, and doesn't need me quite as much. I feel much less worried about next year. Plus she already met them on campus and told me enough about her final choice to know she's very different than the ones she has now, in a good way :-) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 I don't think it's creepy, but I'd be doing the same thing. I'd want to find out as much as I could about my child's roommate ahead of time. It's public information. It would be different if you were trying to friend the person or using a fake FB account to try to contact them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 I just did this yesterday with new neighbors. But I don't think it is creepy. I think it is the new normal and equivalent to calling a friend who might know the new neighbor and asking about them. If new roommate is from a high school you know someone from you would almost definitely ask that person if they knew them, right? It does feel weird but I don't think it really is. Deep investigation, yes. A quick glance at social media? Not creepy. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Another vote for not creepy. But apparently the younger generation thinks this behavior *is* creepy. Which I think is weird. Perhaps its a reaction to growing up in a time where such things are possible. I think what is creepy is that it *can* be done so easily. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Just now, EKS said: Another vote for not creepy. But apparently the younger generation thinks this behavior *is* creepy. Which I think is weird. Perhaps its a reaction to growing up in a time where such things are possible. I think what is creepy is that it *can* be done so easily. Does the younger generation just think this is creepy when parents do it? Because I'm pretty sure the young people I know look up social media profiles of people to see if they are In a relationship, etc. I figure the younger generation does it but just calls the parents out for being "creepy". 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Geez, hope not, because I've already done it as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Just now, teachermom2834 said: Does the younger generation just think this is creepy when parents do it? Because I'm pretty sure the young people I know look up social media profiles of people to see if they are In a relationship, etc. I figure the younger generation does it but just calls the parents out for being "creepy". I don't know the specifics. I just know that I've been accused of being creepy, but when I try to find out why looking at information that a person has intentionally made public is so creepy, the only answer I get is "It just is!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Ha then I’m creepy too! I think in the old days we would have gossiped to glean some information about someone new to us or our kids. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Not creepy - unless you mention something aloud to someone. I think this is totally normal for most women I know. Men do tend to think it's creepy, but I think this is because they're trained to think any sort of similar behavior is creepy. It's one of the things women can get away with that men cannot. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 A quick look at someone's social media is not creepy. They put it online for people to see, right? If you don't want someone to see it or read it, don't post it on the internet. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 I do it all the time. If it is PUBLIC, that means anyone can "stalk" the page. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mellifera33 Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 I don't think it's creepy. But I go a step further--if I meet someone locally, and they ping my radar, I look them up on the county court page to see if they've been convicted of a crime. That might be creepy. I learned it from my mother. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 I just checked with DD16 and posed the question as being about her future college roommate. She says she would not look them up on Facebook herself because she isn’t interested, but it is something that her friends would totally do (look them up on social media) and it would not be creepy. She would consider it a little creepy for her parent to look up the roommate. So.... maybe a little creepy for you to do it, but not surprising that z parent would do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 In my opinion the younger generation thinks it is creepy bc they don't really understand that public is public. My dd will say--yes, it is posted in a public place, but it wasn't meant for you to look at. I keep saying public profiles/posted fanfic/instagram accounts are public. You may mean it only for friends or peers (or in one case hope to be discovered by a modeling agency) but anyone can see it. That includes friend's parents and predators. Intention does not make it private. So count me in with the not creepy crowd. 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted April 22, 2018 Author Share Posted April 22, 2018 8 minutes ago, freesia said: In my opinion the younger generation thinks it is creepy bc they don't really understand that public is public. My dd will say--yes, it is posted in a public place, but it wasn't meant for you to look at. I keep saying public profiles/posted fanfic/instagram accounts are public. You may mean it only for friends or peers (or in one case hope to be discovered by a modeling agency) but anyone can see it. That includes friend's parents and predators. Intention does not make it private. So count me in with the not creepy crowd. YES I think you hit the nail on the head. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Not at all creepy. (What might be creepy is how much other people put out there for strangers to see!) As a previous poster said, looking at FB profiles is the "new normal." It's wise to consider what you have out there on social media, and I'm talking far beyond spring break photos. You never know who is checking you out, whether it's a prospective employer/interviewer, your neighbor, your kid's friend's parent, your ex, etc. I work for a trial attorney--we check out all prospective jurors' FB pages the week before trial, and of course early on in any case, we look at the other parties' FB, including their family members or other relevant people. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 My youngest two kids have similar opinions that behavior like that is creepy. They actually have called me a creeper. It’s annoying, and part of it is probably because when I was a kid a creeper was used to describe a guy acting inappropriate. Like coming into a diner often and making lewd comments about a waitress. Yeah, looking at a public Facebook page is NOT the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Not creepy. Then again, I have a kid who has kept her social media settings very private for the past several years since she doesn't want people to find random stuff about her childhood if they happen to search for it five decades from now. I guess I tend to assume everyone else thinks that same way -- anything public enough for you to see is tightly controlled by the person in question. I mean, isn't it common advice to clean up your social media before applying to colleges and jobs? A lot of high school age kids around here don't use FB anyway, so that's another twist. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
easypeasy Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Are you being creepy? Well, according to the younger generation: definitely. According to my wiser self, heck no! Something is odd about this generation's lack of desire to investigate easily-found information about the world (and the people) around them (this applies to almost any platform except, perhaps, the Kardashians or K-Pop). All of my kids' friends have this weird obsession with A) Posting nearly EVERYTHING about THEMSELVES publicly and B) Being weirdly offended when someone looks at said information except in the first-round "in-the-feed" location! Bizarre! Years ago, one of my girls was weirded out when a guy she knew (who hadn't been active on Instagram in nearly a year) went through and "liked" many of her older pictures. I tried to explain to her that he was just "catching up" on her life since he'd been pretty inactive on social media (he was an old friend who moved away). Still - to this day - she gets weirded out every single time a person does this type of "late" liking. I'm like, "Get over yourself, omg!" When my kids compare this to "Stalking," I want to smack them (figuratively) on the backs of their heads. My own daughter, who has had actual issues with an actual. guy. displaying ACTUAL. stalking. behavior, is MORE disturbed about facebook/instagram "stalking" than actual. real-life. stalking. I can't even. I don't get it. My kids are the most level-headed, no-nonsense, practical kids until it comes to issues of "imagined privacy" and social media. I have raised them better (lol), but they just do not see it through the same lens as I do. At all. I've chalked it up to some generational incompatibility, and one of my few "get off my lawn!" issues. I use it as a teaching tool for my kids. If you don't want someone browsing through information that you have VOLUNTARILY and PUBLICLY displayed - then you'd better keep a close lid on your privacy settings across all the social media. Til then, if I feel like browsing someone's public page... I'm gonna keep on keeping on. (while being careful to not accidentally "like" something as I'm scrolling through, lol!) 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin M Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Nope, not creepy. I facebook stalk a lot of people. *insert laughing emoticon here* ETA: Not so much stalk but lurk and check out public pages to see what's going on in people's lives. It's a way to be nosy without being rude. Especially when they post is as public. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Nah, you aren't being creepy. They probably checked your pages too! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Targhee Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Looking up peoples public online profiles is not creepy. Looking up peoples public online profiles so as to stalk, pester, attack, annoy, ridicule, fantasize about, make a scrap book of, or otherwise DO creep-wad things is creepy. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
underthebridge Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 I am the outlier, because I think it’s a little creepy. OP, would you ever feel comfortable telling your DD’s roommate that you searched for her profiles and viewed everything that was publicly available before you met her? Yes, the info is public and yes, the roommate should know that it’s fair game for anyone to see. If you feel comfortable telling her, or have already, then please disregard the rest of this post. If not, why would you feel uncomfortable? My benchmark for whether it’s creepy is if I am embarrassed to tell the person how much I have researched them. I have certainly done some sleuthing before and I felt like I was being creepy. I once looked up a prospective neighbor. Even though we are now friends, I am way too embarrassed to tell her that I know that she used to live in Chicago and had a golden retriever who died 2 years ago. Why am I embarrassed? Because I’m sure she would think it’s creepy! A separate question - is it ok to be a little creepy sometimes? I think it is! If my DD was getting a roommate, I would look her up too. And I would never tell her and have to admit to myself that I was being a little creepy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Creepy to me is following someone around in your car to see where they work, live, who they are with etc but checking profile on Facebook no it's public. Checking out fb page daily maybe. I've had friends from years past come up as people you may know and yes I'll look at profile page to see where they are now and move on. I'm sure I've had a few go on my profile. I've had some try to contact me but I am very picky who gets friended. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Not a bit creepy, I'd say. Even as someone not on Facebook, I often find that an organization or small business uses Facebook as their only website. I check out as much of that as I can see. While I haven't looked for individuals there, I would assume they mean it to be public if it can be seen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 Nah. It's only creepy if you let on you've looked them up. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 My dd is 20 and she does this. She doesn’t think I it’s creepy for anyone to check out publicly posted stuff. But when it comes to social media she knows that it’s not private Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solascriptura Posted April 23, 2018 Share Posted April 23, 2018 You're absolutely right that its public information, but I see it as being over curious. Would you be embarrassed if either the roommate or parents found out that you looked them up on FB? Would you be comfortable volunteering that information? Personally, I would be a little embarrassed. They might also get an idea that you were looking them up. If you, as a stranger, shows up on their " you may know this person" feed and then they met you IRL, they may suspect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted April 23, 2018 Share Posted April 23, 2018 I think you always need to assume that people read your past feeds. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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