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happysmileylady

Do you tell your kids to shut up?

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No. But that's because when I'm irritated past the point of reason I yell, "For f*ck's sake, child!" instead. ;) 

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12 minutes ago, Mergath said:

No. But that's because when I'm irritated past the point of reason I yell, "For f*ck's sake, child!" instead. ;) 

Thank you for making me feel I'm not the only one that loses their temper, lol. 

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I know I said it to my DD22 when she was a teen, and I have probably said said it to my younger kids in a moment of total frustration but I do try to really avoid it. 

I posted this after I heard a mom tell her special needs kid that if the kid would shut up, mom could hear the coach.  It was NOT after several mild requests for quiet, the kids had just come off the field.  

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35 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

Thank you for making me feel I'm not the only one that loses their temper, lol. 

Oh I totally lose my temper.  I get really loud.  I just tend to contort my words in interesting ways when I lose it with the kids.  So more like “for the love of all that is holy, with cheese and rice,will you close your mouth for a minute and open your ears?!?!?!?”

 

eta: she stopped and looked at me funny and said “cheese and rice?” Lol

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I have, but I'm not proud of it and I try to avoid it. I'm at a peak level of irritableness at that point. If we tell ds to be quiet or not interrupt, sometimes he will continue to talk (after multiple times of being asked to be quiet/drop it/leave the room) and insist it's important. It's rarely important. 

I feel like logically I know things are bad or I'd frown upon them, but in practice I can't say I fit the mold. 

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No.  I say "Hush up" or "Be quiet" instead.

My husband has lost his temper and said "shut up" a couple of times. It sounds so harsh to me.

 

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"Shut up" is disrespectful to whomever it is said.  We work hard to teach our kids to use respectful, appropriate language to make their needs known, and to actually listen to other people who are communicating to them.  So, no.

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Only a couple times when I've lost it. But no, I tell my kids to quiet down, I want less noise, play a different video game if they can't play this one without talking and yelling at it constantly because it's driving me absolutely crazy and no one should have to listen to this. Things like that. :)

 

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1 hour ago, Mergath said:

No. But that's because when I'm irritated past the point of reason I yell, "For f*ck's sake, child!" instead. ;) 

I was afraid to say that my occasional "shut up" has occasionally even had a couple colorful words inserted in the middle.  Thought that wouldn't go over too well here.  :P

I have a disciplinary sheet which my kids enforce whenever I cuss.  I'm working on it.  But, there are worse things than cussing.

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No, not to my elementary kids. 

But last night, I yelled it at my 17-year-old. His (very sensitive and private) 15yo brother was telling me about how the friends of the psycho girl he just broke up with are being "b*tches to him." Ignoring the language (of course), I was engaging him about what was going on, how he was feeling, etc. 17yo ds interrupts with, "MOM! He just said 'b*tches.' You would never let me get away with that!" After asking him nicely three times to be quiet, about to completely lose the moment of vulnerability with 15yo ds, I yelled, "Shut UP!" at him and then went back to drawing out 15yo. I feel entirely justified. 

The scenarios I never imagined when they were toddlers... I was such a sweet, idealistic mama back then. I wouldn't have dreamed of yelling that at a child. Now I am a bit more gritty (and a much better mom).

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One of my daughters said she almost laughed out loud when a high school classmate shared that one of the worst days of her life was the day her mother told her to shut up. Cuz yeah, my kids been told that a number of times. It doesn’t even rank very high in my not proud parenting moments because I’ve managed some that are way better, and yet they still don’t take me up on offers of therapy. 

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35 minutes ago, Janie Grace said:

No, not to my elementary kids. 

But last night, I yelled it at my 17-year-old. His (very sensitive and private) 15yo brother was telling me about how the friends of the psycho girl he just broke up with are being "b*tches to him." Ignoring the language (of course), I was engaging him about what was going on, how he was feeling, etc. 17yo ds interrupts with, "MOM! He just said 'b*tches.' You would never let me get away with that!" After asking him nicely three times to be quiet, about to completely lose the moment of vulnerability with 15yo ds, I yelled, "Shut UP!" at him and then went back to drawing out 15yo. I feel entirely justified. 

The scenarios I never imagined when they were toddlers... I was such a sweet, idealistic mama back then. I wouldn't have dreamed of yelling that at a child. Now I am a bit more gritty (and a much better mom).

Yeah, when my oldest kids were super little nothing like that would have come out of my mouth, but with older kids in the mix and all the preteen feels and craziness I’d say the language has gotten a little looser with them around.

 

Your poor fifteen year old, that’s rough :(

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Not unless it's in a joking manner. For some reason that phrase sounds more rude than others that mean the same thing.

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1 hour ago, Arctic Mama said:

Yeah, when my oldest kids were super little nothing like that would have come out of my mouth, but with older kids in the mix and all the preteen feels and craziness I’d say the language has gotten a little looser with them around.

 

Your poor fifteen year old, that’s rough :(

I think that is part of it. I don't remember saying it to the oldest. But with these guys, yes, a few times, screamed, when they are bickering and won't stop long enough to listen to me. "Knock it off" is the other phrase yelled. 

Yeah, I yell. Not proud, but if I didn't they wouldn't hear me, lol. 

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Oh hell yes I've said "shut up" to my kids.  And meant it.

Although sometimes I said "please."

I've not thought it rude, either.  If the little buggars aren't being quiet when asked to--that's rude.

 

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Probably.  I think I tend to say Zip It! though, while running my fingers across my lips. 

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I wasn't sure so I texted my youngest. He said he's never heard  me say it. 

But, I think that question would need to be contextual.  I would never say it in anger but, really, my kids and I have never really dealt with one another with that kind of language.  I've had arguments with my kids, I had disagreements with my kids, but I can't recall any of them ever doing what I hear people call 'being sassy', 'back talking', or 'being lippy'.  It's hard for me to even find a phrase in out family culture to describe that. 

If you mean asking for a lower volume or 'indoor voices' I use an expression we picked up in Australia - "a little shush, please. "   I have been know to say they sound like a herd of trumpeting elephants coming through the floor. 

If you mean asking/demanding they stop speaking to you in a particular way or about a particular topic, I would say, " I'll talk to you later when we are bother calmer." 

I can't recall a time when I ever needed to address any of them for being rude to me. Perhaps they are to one another but I let them sort it out.

Bottom line - shut up isn't 'rude' or 'banned' in our house. It's just not part of our family dialect.

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Not as a general rule, but in times of frustration I know I have. Usually with a curse word added in. After asking them nicely 3 to 3,000 times, depending on the day and my patience level.

I'm more likely to yell "Silence! I keel you!", but that's because my kids are older, know Jeff Dunham characters, and it will break the tension and create amusement.

Usually the only time I would need them to "shut up" is if they are arguing between the two of them. When they were younger and just being loud, I would just remind them inside voices belong inside and if they wanted to use outside voices they had to go outside.

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