A little hurt and offended, aren't I too old for social media drama? (jawm/vent)

[Xahm]

The last two months I've taken my kids to the library's homeschool family get together where kids play board games and parents chat. It's listed as being for ages 6 and up, but the librarian is clearly glad to have anyone who shows up as it has been going on for two years ands never been well attended. She specifically bought preschool games to encourage families with little ones to come. Last month she chatted with me and the two other moms who came about what she could do to better serve the home school community because it is always sparsely attended, with many months having no attendees. All that to say, the library wants us there, even though my oldest is in Kindergarten and doesn't turn six till the summer. Today, the lady who runs the homeschool face book group for our town, and who coordinated with the librarian to start this get together a couple years back, posted a reminder about it with the note "while younger siblings are welcome, this event is only for those with children six and older." Since last month she didn't include that detail, and last month I reported back to the Facebook group about the librarian wanting to try new things and encouraging others to give her ideas, I feel like this was pointed at me and my kids. See, up till recently, this was a "secret" Facebook group. The only way in was to be invited in. I tried to meet someone to invite me, but all the home schoolers I talked to expressed the same frustration that they couldn't get in. So, I started a new group and in a couple days had about twenty members. Shortly thereafter, I met the founder of the other group. She agreed to change her group settings to allow others to find it and request to join, and I agreed to merge my group into hers to avoid the silliness and cattiness that could come from having competing groups. Now it is one group, used to ask local-based questions and recommend local homeschool opportunities. I feel like she may be in some way annoyed that I brought new people and change into the group and therefore blame me that the get-together at the library isn't working as she hoped it would.

I'm all for having events aimed at older kids, and I fully see why teenagers and other "big kids" don't want to have a bunch of little kids at their event. I know that there has been frustration with this event because sometimes a family with a teen shows up and there is only a seven year old to play with. But her admonishment that only those with six year-olds or older can come doesn't address that problem. The established age range is still 0-18, just with slightly fewer in the 0-5 range. Unless you've got a lot of people coming, odds aren't good for having ages match up well. If she wants to address the problem, maybe suggest that those with older kids come in the first hour and those with younger elementary and lower come starting the second hour. Or have multiple events. Oh, and this woman doesn't typically attend this event. That's fine, but I feel like she wants it to be a certain way in case she ever shows up with her daughter and sees new people as messing that up.

All that's just a vent. If I vent to my husband he'll take my side too much. I know some of y'all will temper your response with "well, it is listed as being for six and up" and "don't you think you are reading too much into one Facebook posting. That's why I hate social media." I think I'm more hurt because I feel like she resents me when I really didn't want to step on her toes. If she had said "oh, this group is really focused on families with older kids who follow an unschooling/child-led approach" (which is what I suspect it was by default since that's who she knew) I would have been very happy to have different groups. But I was trying to do the right thing, to pass over leadership to the more experienced mom because I am aware that having only a kindergartener makes me basically nothing in the homeschool world. She didn't have to rub that in.

[Xahm]

By the way, I know I'm over reacting, but my husband is deploying soon, so when I attempt to form community and it doesn't work as well as I want, it does hurt and make me a little scared about how the next year will go. That's really what all that's about, I think. Nothing to do with that woman, just my fears and insecurities. 

[Guest]

I’m sorry. That stinks. I would feel the same way. I am hyper-sensitive to whether or not I am wanted in a particular place and I would also worry that it was directed at me.

i was in a group once where the group leader kept sending these mixed messages, saying, “Hey, there’s not a real ‘start’ time, just come when you can!” But then on the web she would say, “We really need to start on time so everyone knows what’s going on.” I was thinking, “WHICH IS IT? Do you care about starting on time or not? Cause if you do, I cannot come. But if you don’t, I am happy to come, but I can’t arrive at the start time.” Eventually I dropped out. I could never figure out if I was “the problem attendee” or not. 

[Cosmos]

Aw, I think that would hurt anyone's feelings. Hopefully, getting the word out to more families will mean other folks show up and you'll start making more connections. You know the librarian wants you there, so try to just let this other person's words and actions go.

In the meantime, have you thought about making some of your own events to try to connect with other folks with young kids? What about a meet-up at a local park once it warms up? Or at a coffee shop.

[Rachel]

I think you have been attending regularly and have a nearly 6 year old, don’t worry about what she said. I can see why it bothers you but the librarian is actually running the show and is indicating she wants you there. 

I’m sorry about the deployment, that has got to be stressful. 

[Xahm]

1 minute ago, Cosmos said:

Aw, I think that would hurt anyone's feelings. Hopefully, getting the word out to more families will mean other folks show up and you'll start making more connections. You know the librarian wants you there, so try to just let this other person's words and actions go.

In the meantime, have you thought about making some of your own events to try to connect with other folks with young kids? What about a meet-up at a local park once it warms up? Or at a coffee shop.

Yeah, I suggested a park get together for those of us with younger kids on Thursday. I hope that's not too short of notice for other families. One already told me she had different plans that day.

[Xahm]

Just now, Rachel said:

I think you have been attending regularly and have a nearly 6 year old, don’t worry about what she said. I can see why it bothers you but the librarian is actually running the show and is indicating she wants you there. 

I’m sorry about the deployment, that has got to be stressful. 

I don't think I can bring myself to attend tomorrow. If she is there I'll just feel too awkward and if there is a perceived power struggle on her part, I dint want to aggravate things. It really stinks because we need to stop by the library tomorrow, so I'll just change the timing. 

[SKL]

While I don't understand why she would make that comment, try not to take it personally.  Your child will be 6 very soon, so it doesn't seem to make sense that they would want to treat you differently.  Maybe there is another explanation, or maybe she's just crazy.  Either way it isn't your issue IMO.

[Amber in SJ]

I am so sorry.  I try to take the position of, "If it is not directly addressed to me; then it must not mean me."  I know that is not reality, but it gives me less stress.  As an adult I am all about content communication.  Do not make me read between the lines!  If there is a problem with my 5 year old attending, when it has been fine in the past, say something to me.  Don't make me guess.  I would try asking this person if she meant you & your child specifically.  I would also suggest one of the other options you put in your OP.  I don't think anyone would have a problem with the first hour being middle school & up and the second hour being for the entire family.  For some families this might mean keeping younger kids in the main library with the parent while the older kid plays games with his/ her peers, again not a problem for most people.  Also just because you have "only" a kindergartener doesn't make you nothing in the homeschooling world.  If nothing else it sounds like you were more enthusiastic about building a group than the original founder.

(((hugs))) for putting yourself out there and getting your feelings bruised.  I am sorry that happened.  I hope you find the support you are looking for.

Amber in SJ

[LMD]

If your child is turning 6 soon and has had no previous problems then I would just ignore it. Does this organiser come every time? 

Sometimes homeschoolers can be weird about this stuff, I had someone make a snarky issue over something similar. I would try to be willfully oblivious and super nice, it will blow over.

This is the perfect age to focus on making connections, before school takes more hours of the day. I find it works best to meet individually with the families you connect with, that one on one time bonds the children and mothers better.

[Rosie_0801]

18 minutes ago, xahm said:

I don't think I can bring myself to attend tomorrow. If she is there I'll just feel too awkward and if there is a perceived power struggle on her part, I dint want to aggravate things. It really stinks because we need to stop by the library tomorrow, so I'll just change the timing. 

Go anyway and if she whinges, smile and say the librarian invited you. Don't let yourself be put off by someone on a power trip who isn't actually the boss of you.

If the 6+ rule doesn't work, and the host wants to change it, well, that's sensible, isn't it?

[Xahm]

2 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Go anyway and if she whinges, smile and say the librarian invited you. Don't let yourself be put off by someone on a power trip who isn't actually the boss of you.

If the 6+ rule doesn't work, and the host wants to change it, well, that's sensible, isn't it?

Y'all are making me lean towards going in the morning for our typical library run and letting the librarian invite me, which she likely will do if she sees us.

[Rosie_0801]

2 minutes ago, xahm said:

Y'all are making me lean towards going in the morning for our typical library run and letting the librarian invite me, which she likely will do if she sees us.

Non-violent protesting. This is practically civics class.

[Katy]

Go in the morning.  She'll either say something or she won't, and if she isn't your community you may as well find out now.

[gaillardia]

Fly, little birdie. 

When I was a "new" homeschooler...there weren't that many others around that had been doing it much longer. I don't think it is right to be of the mind, "well since I've been homeschooling longer than you and that makes me an expert..." We are all muddling our way through it. You know the situations of homeschoolers are so varied! From all walks of life, money/no money, parents/grandparents/divorced/single, etc. and you do what works for you. The exclusive groups were what kept us out of almost all activities. You could only bring kids that were between 8 and 10 for this activity, etc. What was I supposed to do with my other kids while staying on location for the activity?

Your librarian is going above and beyond by having a homeschool friendly group. Did she maybe work with the woman to get it started? Maybe? That could be why the woman feels she "owns" the group. If you really want to attend this get together, do. And start reaching out to the librarian more, suggest other activities. Get your kids involved in the summer reading program. Go your own way. These are your children. No one knows them better than you and no one knows better than you what will work for your family. 

[elegantlion]

Personally, I'm old and too tired for BS. I would also feel rejected after a comment like that. So I do that no so very mature, but poking-the-bear type of thing, and go the library and ask the librarian. If this women doesn't even attend, does she know you felt welcomed and encouraged by the librarian? Or was the librarian being nice and would prefer it be for older kids. 

I'd flat out ask the librarian, be sweet as pie and apologetic, that you'd gotten mixed signals from the originator of this event and wanted to be sure you were not intruding, that you'd be happy to schedule a different time for those under 6, etc. 

Then if it comes up again, post your discussion with the librarian and see what she says. 

 

 

[laundrycrisis]

1 hour ago, xahm said:

I don't think I can bring myself to attend tomorrow. If she is there I'll just feel too awkward and if there is a perceived power struggle on her part, I dint want to aggravate things. It really stinks because we need to stop by the library tomorrow, so I'll just change the timing. 

  Honestly, I think you should show up with BELLS on, and be shiny about it ! Your K is close enough  !!!!  If this woman can't grasp that, IMO she shouldn't be homeschooling (boom !)  

[Rachel]

If it isn’t too inconvenient, stopping by in the morning and confirming you are ok to attend makes sense. I hope it goes well!

[Mergath]

Some people suck. :( 

I would keep going. I'm friends with several of my local librarians here, and rules like that are to prevent, for example, a daycare provider from dropping off a gaggle of two-year-olds (which has happened at events for older kids here), not to prevent kids who are almost old enough from attending. It's not like there's a waiting list for the event and your child would be taking the spot of someone who's in the age range.

[klmama]

Years ago, I would have been the one staying home so as not to "intrude."  Now?  I'd go.  This is the public library, not someone's house.  The host (the librarian) wants you there.  So go.  Don't let the other woman's uptight attitude get in the way of making some friends for yourself and your dc.

 

[Tanaqui]

You're never too old for silly social media drama!

And yes - just go. And if she says something in person, tell her that the librarian personally asked you to come.

[Ellie]

It's a free world. Go.

I can still see the other side, though; the librarian was doing it for children 6 and older, and if you don't have children in that age group, well, you don't have children in that age group. That the librarian is kind enough to let you attend only means that she is kind enough to let you attend.

I have known people who began attending homeschool park days and field trips and whatnot who did not have school-age children, who put their children in school when they turned five or six. A homeschool support group is a support group for families with school-age children.  I have seen homeschool support groups suffer when members who only have preschool aged children insisted that activities be planned for their children. So although the leader the FB support group might be behaving a little badly, I can see her side.

I hope it all works out. :-)

[laundrycrisis]

IMO homeschool support groups are also for people whose kids are younger but who are planning to homeschool - when you don't send them to preschool and kindergarten, they can lose connections with kids they were in playgroups with but who are no longer available, and you may want to make new connections with people who are in the same boat.   In any case, it's over halfway through April.  Many school years are over within a month.  A graduating K child is old enough !

 

[RootAnn]

I am speaking from the position of someone whose youngest is now 8. Kids grow up. It is super important to get the moms with littles involved now because they won't be little forever and this is the new blood in your group. Moms of littles become the leaders of the group in a few years. If the homeschool group is going to stay active, you need new faces and growth.

The original person was great to get the library thing started, but it isn't her event; it is for the homeschool community. Things change (and I hate change, but it is a fact of life). I would also go with bells on. If youngers liven the place up and get more to attend, more power to you, the librarian, and those who go. 

[fairfarmhand]

Moms of youngest kids are still real homeschoolers. I love the new homeschooling families. Everything is fresh and exciting to them. I’ve done things long enough that I’m sort of tired and jaded and that freshness renews me. 

 

I say go to the group. I hate it when people make you have to figure things out like this. If I’m the problem and you’re directing subtle comments at me, I typically ignore them. If you don’t have the guts to actually communicate clearly, then too bad.

[HomeAgain]

She doesn't like you.  And she has no manners about it.

Or,

She's a super stickler for rules and thinks everyone else should be, too.  And it really highly annoys her.

 

But go anyway.  You are grandfathered in, imo, and have helped keep up a group that sometimes falters.

[MFG]

If this is a public library program the library gets to set the parameters and gets to flex them if they wish. Other mom can go pound sand. 

Restart your Facebook group. Sounds like a more pleasant group anyway. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I hate this. It's very challenging for homeschoolers.  I get the whole age thing, but ya know we have kids of multiple ages.  So I find that sort of thing just really obnoxious. 

 

[brehon]

Go with your head held high and a smile on your face. The librarian wants you and your kids there; you want to go — win-win in my book. 

Don’t let Ms. Passive-Agressive Snot Nose ruin what sounds like a good event for you and your kids. I bet the librarian would be surprised that anyone was being so uptight over a sparsely attended event.

Ugh! I’m too old for middle school drama. Go and have fun. Talk with the librarian about different events. She wants people there. 

P.S. You’ not nothing in the homeschool world. You’re a mom looking for good outlets for yourself and your kids. 

     — signed a mom with teens down to pre-K

[freesia]

Like Home Again says--some people are rule followers. I have a friend like that. She's a great person but does not break rules or understand how anyone would/can't follow them--really black and white. I think that is what you have run into. 

 

She he may be also a bit sad the program isn't working out how she envisioned.  It is true that kids over 8 don't tend to want to go to a program that is heavily under six. Allowing siblings is a way to enabled parents with littles to bring the oldest. If too many with littles come it will attract more with littles and then the entire atmosphere is different.

I think your park day idea is great. I would encourage you to not give up if it is sparsely attended the first time.  Keep asking. 

I'm sorry about the deployment and having it happen before you build community.  We moved temporarily when my kids were little and it snowed every time we were about to meet other homeschoolers. It was rough. 

[Bambam]

I'd talk with the librarian about what age range she wants her (The event is the library's event, not the original lady who worked with the library to set it up. I'm assuming she doesn't even come any more?) event - the homeschool game day. I'd then post this info on the group with the notification from the librarian. Best case scenario - librarian posts specifics about homeschool game day on the library's FB page - and you just share that in the group. No comment, just share that the homeschool game day has changed - if it has. 

I'd set up other events as well. Park days are great. It might not be well attended in the beginning (typically they aren't), but keep going and eventually you will have more people join you.

Personally, I'd be a bit hesitant about this lady, because she sounds territorial. 

But as someone heavily involved with group administration, please be aware that someone will always have a complaint/snarky statement/talk behind your back. It, unfortunately, seems to be part of being more visible and doing something. Ask yourself, 'Is this good for the kids? Is this good for other kids/the group?", and if so, go for it! 

[BlsdMama]

11 hours ago, xahm said:

 

All that's just a vent. If I vent to my husband he'll take my side too much. I know some of y'all will temper your response with "well, it is listed as being for six and up" and "don't you think you are reading too much into one Facebook posting. That's why I hate social media." I think I'm more hurt because I feel like she resents me when I really didn't want to step on her toes. 

But I was trying to do the right thing, to pass over leadership to the more experienced mom because I am aware that having only a kindergartener makes me basically nothing in the homeschool world. She didn't have to rub that in.

A couple of things - first I think you said something important there - "If I vent to my husband he'll take my side too much" - it shows a lot of wisdom to want to get past this instead of have people take your side and it speaks well about you. (It's still nice to have someone pat your back and say, "There, there, there" though. ;) ) But I do understand totally what you're saying.

Sigh.  This part  "I am aware that having only a kindergartener makes me basically nothing in the homeschool world" really isn't true if it's any comfort.  Obviously you do lack real life experience, but I also think the best thing about new homeschoolers is that they lack being jaded, they're enthusiastic, they generally think outside of the box.  Don't kid yourself - your input does have value, even to us old-timers.  What you might be seeing is a bit of pride.  About seven years ago I was part of a co-op and the first year had gone beautifully and we loved the way it was.  Then we had a new mom, with a 7th grader but completely new to homeschooling, come in with a lot of good ideas on how to make stuff better.  It stung and I took it personally - I was really proud of what had been accomplished the year previous and a new person coming in with suggestions felt like a criticism of how it was.  Truth was, had I been a little less proud of the year previous, we could have talked about those ideas and it would have went well.  I didn't take her enthusiasm as enthusiasm.  I took it as personal criticism.  If I were you, I'd shoot her an email.  I'd say, "I am SO sorry if I stepped on toes.  I'm just trying to become a part of a homeschool community and this seemed like a good way to make connections.  We're in this longterm and I'm really excited to be near other people that love their kiddos and the homeschool community as much as me." Now, it's possible she's a pain in the bottom and that won't make a difference.  It's also possible she'll remember back to when her kids were young and she wanted to be part of a homeschool community too.

I respect the line/limit she's imposing because if there isn't a line/limit, then how/where do you draw it?  And I've been around enough to know that people who thought homeschooling was FANTASTIC for kindergarten, backed out when thing "got real" around 1st/2nd grade and they decided they didn't want to make that same commitment and that is totally okay, but it does happen pretty often and I can see if they want to hold off and mostly attract families that are committed to homeschooling as a lifestyle and invest in those families, if that makes sense?

But (((Hugs))) because it's really hard to try to slide into a community.  And because it's hard to be proactive and do a lot in a group where there are already lines drawn, leadership existing, and make a niche for yourself.  <3

[SKL]

You know, it's possible she had a request from some of the other members to bring along their other friends with much younger kids.  If I were you, I would act like she isn't even talking about you at all.  Does she even know your son isn't 6 yet?  Even if she does - you're rounding up a little bit, so what?  He's in the same place he'd be in if his birthday was April 18 or earlier.  Almost done with KG.  There is no logical reason to exclude him and include other KG kids who happened to be born a few months earlier.

I agree that it makes sense to get people on board before homeschooling gets to be full time.  New homeschoolers need the help and the group needs the involvement.

If she rudely brings it up to your face, ask her pointedly why she happened to decide on a 6yo cutoff vs. something more relevant like grade level.  I would really like to know what is so magical about 6yo.  A kid could be in 1st grade or pre-K on his 6th birthday.

[Wheres Toto]

11 hours ago, Rachel said:

I think you have been attending regularly and have a nearly 6 year old, don’t worry about what she said. I can see why it bothers you but the librarian is actually running the show and is indicating she wants you there. 

I’m sorry about the deployment, that has got to be stressful. 

I agree with everyone else that that you should go.   You have been attending, you're not taking anyone else's spot, and your child is almost 6.  Do they even know whether your kid is 5 1/2 or 6?   It can be pretty hard to tell, IMO.

It sounds to me like she didn't like you posting looking for ideas to build up attendance because it took away from it being a program she started and got the credit for.   She sounds like a whack-a-doodle and I would just ignore her.

[SKL]

I can understand if she was the organizer and someone was trying to do things without her involvement, or whatever.  But that has nothing to do with age.  If that was her problem, she could have just been direct about it.  "So glad you are eager to share your ideas!  In the future would you mind coordinating with me so all organizers are on the same page?"

[Lady Florida.]

I don't think you're overreacting and it does sound like it was passively aggressively aimed at you. I also agree with those who say just go. Unless your homeschool group is huge odds are you aren't going to have a large number of kids in a specific age group and you have to fudge the allowed ages a little. Obviously the children's librarian wants you all there, based on her decision to bring preschool items to the activity and on her discussion with you and the other mom. I don't know what time zone you're in so you might already be gone. I hope you decided to go.

3 hours ago, RootAnn said:

I am speaking from the position of someone whose youngest is now 8. Kids grow up. It is super important to get the moms with littles involved now because they won't be little forever and this is the new blood in your group. Moms of littles become the leaders of the group in a few years. If the homeschool group is going to stay active, you need new faces and growth.

 

This is very true. I've seen homeschool groups fall apart because those who had been in charge wouldn't let go, wouldn't turn things over to the moms with younger children, and/or were resistant to change. As kids age out of activities the moms often get tired and are just done running things. If you haven't been encouraging the ones with younger kids to be more involved the group won't last.

 

9 hours ago, laundrycrisis said:

IMO homeschool support groups are also for people whose kids are younger but who are planning to homeschool - when you don't send them to preschool and kindergarten, they can lose connections with kids they were in playgroups with but who are no longer available, and you may want to make new connections with people who are in the same boat.   In any case, it's over halfway through April.  Many school years are over within a month.  A graduating K child is old enough !

 

I agree. I'm not a fan of keeping parents without school age kids from joining homeschool groups. The successful groups I belonged to allowed people to join if they were just thinking of homeschooling but their children were only babies or toddlers. They wanted to learn about homeschooling, so what better way than to hang around with actual homeschoolers? They would come to our park days and sometimes to activities that allowed younger siblings (they'd be put in with the other babies, toddlers, or preschoolers). Some decided to homeschool and became full members of the group. Some chose to put their kids in school, or their circumstances changed and they couldn't homeschool. It didn't hurt to let them come to our activities even if they didn't become homeschoolers. It's not like we had super secret squirrel information we didn't want leaking out. If things changed and they ended up pulling their kids out of school, at least they had some contacts and and a little first hand info about the homeschool lifestyle.

[wintermom]

I would go to the library and speak face to face with the homeschool mom who started the program and has the facebook page. Communication is so much better in-person. You can see body language, you can discuss topics back and forth quickly and easily, and incorrect assumptions are usually much less frequent. Hopefully, the two of you can work together toward similar goals, which is to support the local homeschool community and encourage participating. 

[El...]

I think you should go and have a good time.  Meet people.  Mentor people.  Have some fun.  

If you stay away because of a passive-aggressive side-dig (at worst... maybe she was just being clueless... maybe), then passive-aggressive works!  And I say it does not.  

If someone is ugly in person, fine.  At least then they own their ugliness.  This passive-aggressive deniability grates on my nerves.  

[Katy]

I'm wondering if you went, and what happened. i'm curious if this woman is just clueless, or is actively trying to shut people out (not only with the library, but with the facebook group until she found out you'd started your own).

[freesia]

I don't think it is clueless or passive aggressive to have age boundaries and expect/remind others to abide by them. What was passive aggressive about reminding people about the rules/age guidelines? (I am much more flexible, but I get why she might be doing it). Honestly, it sounds more clueless to say you don't get why she did this. ( not talking to you op). What the OP did is not morally wrong or anything, but it is against the intent of the group. It seems understandable to get annoyed with someone who did that without talking to the one who set things up and seeing if it is ok. If anything is passive aggressive, it is going when you have been asked not to. 

OP, I do get why you want to be included. I am actually not addressing this to you, but to those who are accusing the other woman of being clueless and Passive aggressive. I don't think she is being either, but others are encouraging you to be, imo. 

[Katy]

19 minutes ago, freesia said:

I don't think it is clueless or passive aggressive to have age boundaries and expect/remind others to abide by them. What was passive aggressive about reminding people about the rules/age guidelines? (I am much more flexible, but I get why she might be doing it). Honestly, it sounds more clueless to say you don't get why she did this. ( not talking to you op). What the OP did is not morally wrong or anything, but it is against the intent of the group. It seems understandable to get annoyed with someone who did that without talking to the one who set things up and seeing if it is ok. If anything is passive aggressive, it is going when you have been asked not to. 

OP, I do get why you want to be included. I am actually not addressing this to you, but to those who are accusing the other woman of being clueless and Passive aggressive. I don't think she is being either, but others are encouraging you to be, imo. 

 

But the woman doesn't even typically attend. She's trying to remotely govern a group she can't be bothered to show up at, or worse, instating a new, not previously published rule to discourage the involvement of the OP.  I don't think it's clueless or passive aggressive, I think it's actively mean girl aggressive,  clueless was my way of trying to give the grace to dismiss this behavior as thoughtless, rather than the active grab for control that she doesn't have a right to.  The only person leading this group at the library is the librarian.  Not some random secret Facebook group administrator that doesn't come.

[freesia]

I thought the age range was published. 

I still disagree with you. Some people really care that rules are followed and that doesn't make them mean. She isn't being flexible, either, that is true  but I just know enough people like that that I have realized they aren't trying to be mean, the just try so hard to stay within the lines that they get upset that others don't . yes, it is their problem, but I think it is wrong to ascribe evil intent. And if there is a published age range that is not being followed I just don't see how she is doing anything wrong  there may be a lot of back story we don't know  

Clearly, after two years of low attendence, the librarian is ready to try something different.  I think that is what needs to be communicated.

 

[Xahm]

2 hours ago, Katy said:

I'm wondering if you went, and what happened. i'm curious if this woman is just clueless, or is actively trying to shut people out (not only with the library, but with the facebook group until she found out you'd started your own).

This morning we went to pick up books on hold, choose new ones, and all that. The Children's librarian saw me and asked if we were coming. I said "I wanted to ask you about that" and then asked, explaining that the "six and up" rule had been brought up on Facebook. She told me that the age guidelines are never strict for her events and any child able to get something out of the event is old enough. So we returned in the afternoon for the game time. The woman was there when we first arrived, and she didn't say anything. Her kid, at about nine, was the oldest there, but this time it worked out that there were a couple of eight year olds as well. 

I feel a little silly for worrying. I still think it was aimed at me and the other new families (she was the only "old member" there), but I don't think she will confront me or cause a problem. I'll suggest encouraging older kids come for the first hour, younger kids the second hour if it comes up.

[Xahm]

Funny thing, while we were there the teen librarian came in and made sure the eight year olds knew that some of the summer teen programs might be of interest to them and they shouldn't hesitate to attend if they want. One rule-oriented eight year old answered "I don't think eight or nine is a teenager."

Just showing that this is a fairly laid back library that just wants to encourage participation.

[MFG]

2 hours ago, freesia said:

I don't think it is clueless or passive aggressive to have age boundaries and expect/remind others to abide by them. What was passive aggressive about reminding people about the rules/age guidelines? (I am much more flexible, but I get why she might be doing it). Honestly, it sounds more clueless to say you don't get why she did this. ( not talking to you op). What the OP did is not morally wrong or anything, but it is against the intent of the group. It seems understandable to get annoyed with someone who did that without talking to the one who set things up and seeing if it is ok. If anything is passive aggressive, it is going when you have been asked not to. 

OP, I do get why you want to be included. I am actually not addressing this to you, but to those who are accusing the other woman of being clueless and Passive aggressive. I don't think she is being either, but others are encouraging you to be, imo. 

To me the problem is, and it is not completely clear from the op, identifying exactly whose program this is. If it a public library event, and that is what I would assume given it appears the librarian is actively working the event during tax supported work hours, then the library controls the parameters, even if it was a particular individual’s initial idea. If it is just a private group that is meeting in a library provided community room, a librarian should not be running it. If an individual wants to control a group, she needs to put in either the time or money to have that control.

[Xahm]

3 minutes ago, MFG said:

To me the problem is, and it is not completely clear from the op, identifying exactly whose program this is. If it a public library event, and that is what I would assume given it appears the librarian is actively working the event during tax supported work hours, then the library controls the parameters, even if it was a particular individual’s initial idea. If it is just a private group that is meeting in a library provided community room, a librarian should not be running it. If an individual wants to control a group, she needs to put in either the time or money to have that control.

It is the library's program, but this woman was the one who first suggested it.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Does this woman know the age of your kid?

 

[Mergath]

7 minutes ago, xahm said:

It is the library's program, but this woman was the one who first suggested it.

 

Which gives this woman exactly zero rights to control how the library manages it. ;)

I suggest events for our library all the time that my librarian friends make happen. I wouldn't dream of telling them who should or shouldn't be allowed to come, and if I tried that my friends would kindly but firmly put me in my place.

[Xahm]

7 minutes ago, SparklyUnicorn said:

Does this woman know the age of your kid?

 

I introduced her that way recently, but in all likelihood she's forgotten.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Ah...well then you might be overthinking things.