Is this room messy?

[Ausmumof3]

I dunno looking at it again I think in part the furniture looks like the kind of stuff that maybe was acquired free or very cheaply from garage or charity sales. And of course the difference between it and the poster here who shared her living room is more pictures more books and more quality looking furniture. It also looks like someone is using it as a sleeping area. I hate to think we were being judgy if it was just that was all they could afford.

[Corraleno]

People come up with all sorts of odd associations in childhood.  Your take on it is definitely more logical than mine.  Blanket = cold makes more sense than blanket = need to hide the horrible couch.  

 

And my assumption was that the blankets were for the dog (to keep dog hair and potentially dirty paws off the sofa if there isn't a washable slipcover)!  :laugh:

[Ausmumof3]

And my assumption was that the blankets were for the dog (to keep dog hair and potentially dirty paws off the sofa if there isn't a washable slipcover)! :laugh:

And I thought blanket equals someone or probably two stayed up late watching a movie and then slept on the couch and floor in a living room sleepout!

[Melissa in Australia]

What's a tip?

Here the tip is the same as the garbage dump. They are called tips here and I presume in U.K. As well.

[regentrude]

  It's not put together and would never look that way with the furnishings in it and in my mind, that's just the same as being messy - things thrown together/around with no thought.  

 

Wow. That sounds awfully judgy. Not "put together"?

Perhaps this is second hand furniture they could afford. Or perhaps this is a temporary home. Or perhaps they have other problems. Or perhaps they have children who have trouble with a lot of stimulation.

 

When I moved to the US with a backpack and a suitcase for two years, and rented an empty apartment, it did not look "put together". I had what I could find on garage sales when somebody gave me a ride, because I only had a bicycle. Trust me, there was no color scheme or decorations. I was happy to have a mattress on the floor and some kind of table and some kind of chair.

The thought that somebody could find this *messy* because there was "no thought" had never crossed my mind.The things I learn on this board....

 

Oh, and I had no books either. Because my several thousand books remained in storage in my home country.

Edited March 17, 2018 by regentrude

[Carrie12345]

Yes, it's messy.  Most areas of my house are even messier right now, but that doesn't change anything.  

 

I do have a really low tolerance for coats being left out.  That's probably because we're a family of 7 with real winter coats and no coat closet in a very small house.  That makes for a LOT of clutter in a small space.  And then there's the shoes...

 

Right now, it's mostly laundry that needs to be folded and Legos that, well, Legos.

[Laura Corin]

 Just because our house was cozy and neat didn't mean we couldn't live in it and have people feel comfortable here. 

 

I think it depends on how you treat the guests.  I remember my MIL, who kept a magazine-perfect house, picking up a water bottle that I had brought in from a walk and safely put on a coaster and taking it to the kitchen.  She didn't say anything to me, but I hadn't finished drinking the water (I had walked away for a second) and it certainly made me feel that my ways were not good enough for her.  I'm sure you didn't tidy your guests away like that.

[EMS83]

The joys of having rooms do double and triple duty ;)  And yeah, it is totally subjective! 

 

Seriously.  And your place is cute, coordinated, and I can't imagine how better to organize the space.  :)

Edited March 17, 2018 by CES2005

[Catwoman]

Seriously. And your place is cute, coordinated, and I can't imagine how better to organize the space. :)

:iagree:

 

The rooms serve so many functions, yet still manage to look attractive, organized, and cozy.

 

It’s very difficult to achieve that kind of balance, where you can walk into a room and immediately get started on any one of several things you might need to do without having to move this and disassemble that and put something else in a hallway, but it’s clearly happening at WendyandMilo’s house. It’s tough to combine both multifunction and convenience, but she has done it with great skill and style! :hurray:

[liber]

What's a tip?

We use that word here to mean a really big mess.

[mellifera33]

Yes, it's messy. It's exactly as messy as my bedroom. I tolerate more mess in a bedroom than in a "public space" in my own house, but wouldn't think twice about it in somebody else's house. After growing up with a mom who was immaculate, I thought that my space was hopelessly messy--until I visited other houses where young children lived, and realized that my mom was the weird one. Now I think I'm right in the middle of the house messiness spectrum. :) We still run around and do some "smoke and mirrors" cleaning before my parents come over, tho.

 

I agree with some previous posters that it has that "temporary" look about it--nothing on walls, things kind of thrown together. In that way, it's also like my bedroom, which is kind of a catch-all room in my house--It has our bed and dressers, but also the computer and printer, a rolling cart of craft supplies, a small chest of tech flotsam and jetsam, etc. It reminds me of my male college friends' living rooms.

Edited March 17, 2018 by mellifera33

[marbel]

I don't think the room pictured is all that messy but I wouldn't have it that way if company was coming over; even more so after reading this thread. The lack of decor doesn't bother me either.

 

But I've been in immaculate homes and had to listen to the hostess (it's always a woman) falling all over herself apologizing for the mess because one thing was out of place. I can never get comfortable around people who do that. It's obvious my housekeeping and decor (or lack thereof) wouldn't meet their standards.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't think the room pictured is all that messy but I wouldn't have it that way if company was coming over; even more so after reading this thread. The lack of decor doesn't bother me either.

 

But I've been in immaculate homes and had to listen to the hostess (it's always a woman) falling all over herself apologizing for the mess because one thing was out of place. I can never get comfortable around people who do that. It's obvious my housekeeping and decor (or lack thereof) wouldn't meet their standards.

 

Haha...don't you just love that?!  NOT

 

I also love it when people think I want a tour of their house.  That would be understandable if it's a close friend and they just got a new house and I might actually be interested, but I'm talking people we barely know wanting to give us a tour of their house.  I don't understand this at all.

[Tanaqui]

It's a little messy, but nothing to write home about. I mean, we're not exactly looking at Collyer conditions here.

[LucyStoner]

Haha...don't you just love that?! NOT

 

I also love it when people think I want a tour of their house. That would be understandable if it's a close friend and they just got a new house and I might actually be interested, but I'm talking people we barely know wanting to give us a tour of their house. I don't understand this at all.

My husband and I once went, with his father, to have dinner at the home of one of his father’s colleagues. I am unclear on the details as it's been 17 or so years. What I will always remember is that they insisted on giving us a tour of their entire house and telling us where they had acquired anything that was on display and exactly how much they had paid for each item, how much each item would have cost full price and how much each item might cost now. They also told us where their kids went to school and the grades that they earned. They let us know that if their kids had gone to public schools they would have all As.

 

It was something like this:

 

“This is the living room, the painting on the wall is by Amy Pleasant, we bought it at her opening in 2011. It cost us $1800 but similarly sized canvases of hers are more like $8000 now. This is a ceramic pear that my mother in law gave us. She got it at that expensive gallery downtown, by the bookstore. It must have cost her at least $200. This is our piano, we paid $400 for it but it is worth $1200, I just got a very good deal.  Now you couldn't get one this good for less than $2000. By the way, our son has all As, a 3.9 GPA but if he went to the regular school it would be a 4.0+ for sure.â€

 

What the actual flip?!  It went on and on because they owned a large house and had quite of a lot of things in it. 

 

That was a very dull evening. Their house was nice looking inside and out but the night was very uncomfortable.

Edited March 17, 2018 by LucyStoner

[liber]

Haha...don't you just love that?!  NOT

 

I also love it when people think I want a tour of their house.  That would be understandable if it's a close friend and they just got a new house and I might actually be interested, but I'm talking people we barely know wanting to give us a tour of their house.  I don't understand this at all.

 

I am so glad I am not the only one like this.  I have had to tell my dh not to give house tours.  It was part of his upbringing I think as his parents are like that.  

[Selkie]

Haha...don't you just love that?!  NOT

 

I also love it when people think I want a tour of their house.  That would be understandable if it's a close friend and they just got a new house and I might actually be interested, but I'm talking people we barely know wanting to give us a tour of their house.  I don't understand this at all.

Oh yeah, I do not like that at all. Especially when the people keep looking at me expectantly like I should be oohing and aahing over every single room.

[Bluegoat]

I kind of like house tours if the house is interesting to me.  I'm really interested in houses though.

 

Telling the price of anything sounds really tacky though!

[marbel]

I don't understand the house tour either. It would never occur to me to show people my whole house. Happy to tell people where the bathroom is, that's about it.

[Tanaqui]

What the actual flip?!  It went on and on because they owned a large house and had quite of a lot of things in it.

 

Goes to show, money can't buy class.

 

[Tsuga]

My husband and I once went, with his father, to have dinner at the home of one of his father’s colleagues. I am unclear on the details as it's been 17 or so years. What I will always remember is that they insisted on giving us a tour of their entire house and telling us where they had acquired anything that was on display and exactly how much they had paid for each item, how much each item would have cost full price and how much each item might cost now. They also told us where their kids went to school and the grades that they earned. They let us know that if their kids had gone to public schools they would have all As.

 

It was something like this:

 

“This is the living room, the painting on the wall is by Amy Pleasant, we bought it at her opening in 2011. It cost us $1800 but similarly sized canvases of hers are more like $8000 now. This is a ceramic pear that my mother in law gave us. She got it at that expensive gallery downtown, by the bookstore. It must have cost her at least $200. This is our piano, we paid $400 for it but it is worth $1200, I just got a very good deal. Now you couldn't get one this good for less than $2000. By the way, our son has all As, a 3.9 GPA but if he went to the regular school it would be a 4.0+ for sure.â€

 

What the actual flip?! It went on and on because they owned a large house and had quite of a lot of things in it.

 

That was a very dull evening. Their house was nice looking inside and out but the night was very uncomfortable.

That is hilariously awful. "But imagine how many social skills you could have picked up for the same price!"

[Tsuga]

It is a judgement, as in, an opinion. I don't believe that it was "judgy" because as I said before, I would have no problems spending time in that house or caring about the people that lived there. *I* could not *live* there and in *my opinion* it isn't put together. Again, that doesn't mean that I have lumped the people that live there into those same categories. We have talking about a box with four walls and a roof, not the circumstances that brought that room into being. I don't care what people do with their own houses, really.

Agreed. I mean, the context here is she posted the room and asked others for an opinion about the appearance. She has to accept all the judgment that is coming at her.

 

Our rooms are very different from yours but I'm not about to post a photo. You're tougher than me.

[dsmith]

I'd say on the low end of messy, nothing a good 10 - 20 minutes of tidying and a quick vacuum wouldn't fix. I wouldn't want someone I don't know to walk in to my house looking like that, so I would be scrambling to tidy up before anyone showed up.

[fralala]

I think it depends on how you treat the guests.  I remember my MIL, who kept a magazine-perfect house, picking up a water bottle that I had brought in from a walk and safely put on a coaster and taking it to the kitchen.  She didn't say anything to me, but I hadn't finished drinking the water (I had walked away for a second) and it certainly made me feel that my ways were not good enough for her.  I'm sure you didn't tidy your guests away like that.

 

Well, philosophically speaking, this is why I have a messy (and slightly discordant) house. I share it with people who have different views on what is beautiful and interesting. Beyond guests, I want my spouse and kids to feel welcome here. It's their home, too.

 

I speak as someone whose mother used to follow behind her "playing" with her by picking up the toys and putting them back neatly. I imagine my perspective would be different had I grown up with hoarders. When I'm stressed about a mess, I don't necessarily think the problem is the mess.

[marbel]

I love house tours too - it’s just one of those things someone should ask for and not appropriate for the hostess to offer up without prompting - that looks braggy and weird.

Oh no. I think it is so inappropriate for someone to ask for a house tour. What the heck? My family's bedrooms are not for public viewing. And how embarrassing for everyone when the host says no. How does one even say no politely?

 

I do agree it's weird to offer a tour.

[Laura Corin]

Oh no. I think it is so inappropriate for someone to ask for a house tour. What the heck? My family's bedrooms are not for public viewing. And how embarrassing for everyone when the host says no. How does one even say no politely?

 

I do agree it's weird to offer a tour.

 

I think it's fine to offer/ask for a tour of a new house, if it's a friend who might be interested.  Otherwise it's a bit odd.  When my friend moved out of the house that she had shared with her ex-husband and set up on her own, touring her house and making lots of approving noises was part of helping her feel secure on her own.

[Murphy101]

I do not think I’ve ever looked “put together†personally or housing in my entire life. But I do like to have things in order bc it’s steessful to be forever trying to find something or having to make it usable when I need it instead of being able to just use it.

 

I don’t care what other people do.

 

I do wish people would relax enough to put people first. I know many people freak about having company either because their house isn’t just so or because they are stressed about conpany messing with their well ordered life. It’s their choice, but I find it a sad one.

[marbel]

I think it's fine to offer/ask for a tour of a new house, if it's a friend who might be interested. Otherwise it's a bit odd. When my friend moved out of the house that she had shared with her ex-husband and set up on her own, touring her house and making lots of approving noises was part of helping her feel secure on her own.

Yes, I agree with you. There are some circumstances where I think it is fine. Family, very close friends...someone in a new situation as you describe. Someone wanting decorating advice. But in general, as a regular guest coming into a friend's house for the first time, no. I would not offer, would not ask.

[Bluegoat]

As far as house tours, other than a brand new place, or one that is obviously of some historical interest, I think the easiest thing is to complement the house or mention that it's interesting.  And then if the host wants she can offer to show you around.

[Ausmumof3]

Haha...don't you just love that?! NOT

 

I also love it when people think I want a tour of their house. That would be understandable if it's a close friend and they just got a new house and I might actually be interested, but I'm talking people we barely know wanting to give us a tour of their house. I don't understand this at all.

lol or the opposite. Mum with one kid whose in childcare wanting to look through your house after giving you 30 minutes warning they are coming for a visit! Sorry if you want a tour I need at least a days notice!

[LMD]

It's untidy to me, not messy. Untidy means things are just out of place. Messy to me implies actual cleaning, rather than just picking up/tidying, is required.

 

It's also tidier than my house is 95% of the time...

[Ausmumof3]

I do not think I’ve ever looked “put together†personally or housing in my entire life. But I do like to have things in order bc it’s steessful to be forever trying to find something or having to make it usable when I need it instead of being able to just use it.

 

I don’t care what other people do.

 

I do wish people would relax enough to put people first. I know many people freak about having company either because their house isn’t just so or because they are stressed about conpany messing with their well ordered life. It’s their choice, but I find it a sad one.

I actually wonder about this. I am one of those people or have been in the past. Now my kids are helping and dh getting ready for visitors it's not as crazy. And just recently when we had some even though I was organised I found I was still having the stressed out need to clean. And I had a realisation that actually I suspect it's a form of social anxiety playing up. I'm not really stressed about the house I'm stressed about being around people and not knowing or saying the right thing. I feel like if the house is just so and the outfit is just so then all I will have to worry about is saying and doing the right thing.

 

This is pretty dumb and I am committed this year to opening up our home and life this year but - big but - it did make me realise how much more anxiety was messing with me than I realised!

[DawnM]

Am I the only one who truly doesn't care how messy someone's house is?  As long as there isn't one week old food on dishes in the living room, and it isn't a hoarders' nest, I am good.

 

I care far more about WHO lives there and the friendship.

 

To be honest, there are some on this thread so judgmental about someone's space and the look of the "non-essentials" that I would never feel comfortable inviting you over if you care more about how clean my house is than our friendship.

 

I now am reading through and see someone else posted the something similar.....you can come to my house..... :laugh:

Edited March 18, 2018 by DawnM

[umsami]

Am I the only one who truly doesn't care how messy someone's house is?  As long as there isn't one week old food on dishes in the living room, and it isn't a hoarders' nest, I am good.

 

I care far more about WHO lives there and the friendship.

 

To be honest, there are some on this thread so judgmental about someone's space and the look of the "non-essentials" that I would never feel comfortable inviting you over if you care more about how clean my house is than our friendship.

 

I don't care, but then again we're a more messy than clean family.   :)  I have friends whom I am more willing to have over time because I know they don't care vs. those who I know will gossip after.  (Yes, it gets back to me.)  

 

When I'm a visitor to a friends house and they are apologetic about the state... sometimes they're just saying that, and there's truly nothing wrong...no more than normal living mess or often it's spotless.   But I also have friends who are overwhelmed with little ones, not a lot of space, etc.... who know that I'll often pitch in to help put things right.   Two adults can get a lot done in even 30 minutes.  Or while they're feeding the baby, I'll do the dishes, etc.  

 

I actually wish I could do things like they do in Egypt.  You have one or two reception rooms designed for company.  (Some families actually have one for female, and one for male visitors.)  These are kept spotless.  Nobody goes in them unless company comes.   People who visit, know not to visit other parts of the house.  Problem solved.  

Edited March 18, 2018 by umsami

[DawnM]

I don't care, but then again we're a more messy than clean family.   :)  I have friends whom I am more willing to have over time because I know they don't care vs. those who I know will gossip after.  (Yes, it gets back to me.)  

 

When I'm a visitor to a friends house and they are apologetic about the state... sometimes they're just saying that, and there's truly nothing wrong...no more than normal living mess or often it's spotless.   But I also have friends who are overwhelmed with little ones, not a lot of space, etc.... who know that I'll often pitch in to help put things right.   Two adults can get a lot done in even 30 minutes.  Or while they're feeding the baby, I'll do the dishes, etc.  

 

I actually wish I could do things like they do in Egypt.  You have one or two reception rooms designed for company.  (Some families actually have one for female, and one for male visitors.)  These are kept spotless.  Nobody goes in them unless company comes.   People who visit, know not to visit other parts of the house.  Problem solved.  

 

I do try to keep the common rooms cleaner, but sometimes I am just too tired.   My son is having a friend next weekend  to come and spend the night.  

 

I plan to try to get some things organized that I have been neglecting, but I will clean first and get to the organizing later if I can.  It is cluttered but not filthy if that makes sense.  And I do have some closets and a basement to shove stuff if I want, but I haven't done that because I truly and trying to get things where I can see them and deal with them.

[Ausmumof3]

I don't care, but then again we're a more messy than clean family. :) I have friends whom I am more willing to have over time because I know they don't care vs. those who I know will gossip after. (Yes, it gets back to me.)

 

When I'm a visitor to a friends house and they are apologetic about the state... sometimes they're just saying that, and there's truly nothing wrong...no more than normal living mess or often it's spotless. But I also have friends who are overwhelmed with little ones, not a lot of space, etc.... who know that I'll often pitch in to help put things right. Two adults can get a lot done in even 30 minutes. Or while they're feeding the baby, I'll do the dishes, etc.

 

I actually wish I could do things like they do in Egypt. You have one or two reception rooms designed for company. (Some families actually have one for female, and one for male visitors.) These are kept spotless. Nobody goes in them unless company comes. People who visit, know not to visit other parts of the house. Problem solved.

Kind of like when people used to have a parlour.

 

My parents had an always tidy dining and guest lounge aside from the more comfy family room and kitchen areas. Most people who they liked and cared about enough to invite around were more comfortable sitting in the family areas though and being part of their real life not the facade.

[mellifera33]

I love house tours! I didn't know that people didn't like them. I wonder how many people I've bored out of their minds by giving them a tour of our standard family house? lol

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't not invite people because they have cleaner  homes.  I don't invite them if they look around disapprovingly.  Or if they talk about mutual friend's houses in a disapproving way.  (Because that usually means that people do the same about me with those other people. )  Or if they are so focused on how their own house looks that they can't relax to actually interact with me.  Though I can only think of two people in my lifetime who were to that level and they are not in my life now (not because of that - they just happened to move.) 

 

 

[KungFuPanda]

It definitely messy, but my coping skills are such that I could function perfectly fine in that room. It also looks like it could be tidied in less than ten minutes.

[hornblower]

I love house tours! I didn't know that people didn't like them. I wonder how many people I've bored out of their minds by giving them a tour of our standard family house? lol

I'm a super curious person so I like to see how people live & how they set up their rooms. I scroll through real estate listings & sometimes to go neighbourhood open houses just because I'm a looky loo. 

 

I like to think that as guests and hosts most of us are attuned enough to know when the other person is making interested noises vs politely bored noises. 

 

What I don't like is the feeling that some people want to see and then gossip and sniff critically and roll their eyes at how others do things. 

[luuknam]

I'm a super curious person so I like to see how people live & how they set up their rooms. I scroll through real estate listings 

 

 

Speaking of real estate listings, I'll admit to being somewhat judgmental about those. For example, if the room in question were a Trulia or w/e photo, I'd wonder what on earth is wrong with those people that they didn't spend a few minutes to put stuff away* so it would present better... if you're trying to sell something worth presumably tens of thousands (or more) dollars, I don't understand why there'd be a back roller on the floor and blankets on the couch or w/e. 

 

Now, we have no clue what this photo is about, but there are definitely some houses listed on real estate sites that make you wonder why people don't spend some effort to make things look less messy. But other than real estate listings, I don't care unless it's an obvious health risk. Like I said, my own living room is worse.

 

*They wouldn't even need to clean it up; all that's needed is to throw it behind the photographer. 

 

ETA: by that I meant, I wouldn't get how they including their realtor would have so little marketing sense to list a picture with such an easy-to-clean-up mess. 

 

ETA2: and I get that some people don't intuitively have a lot of marketing sense... I just don't get why when trying to sell something worth tens of thousands of dollars or more, some people don't put in some effort to either get a good realtor or learn the basics of marketing. The amount of money you'd make per hour (by having the house sell faster or at a higher price) by learning the basics seems like it would easily justify the effort.

Edited March 18, 2018 by luuknam

[hornblower]

 

ETA2: and I get that some people don't intuitively have a lot of marketing sense... I just don't get why when trying to sell something worth tens of thousands of dollars or more, some people don't put in some effort to either get a good realtor or learn the basics of marketing. The amount of money you'd make per hour (by having the house sell faster or at a higher price) by learning the basics seems like it would easily justify the effort.

 

 

the ones I've seen like that are often estate sales &/or absentee landlords where the owner is geographically far away and just hires a realtor. If the realtor is only making 6% commission they really often don't care about pumping up the price by a few grand - it's not worth it to them; even though it probably would be worth to the owner but then they have to long distance find someone to clean up & stage it.... 

[HS Mom in NC]

Yes, because to me messy means everything is not where it belongs. Is it a terrible mess?  No, it's just messy.

[mellifera33]

 

 

ETA2: and I get that some people don't intuitively have a lot of marketing sense... I just don't get why when trying to sell something worth tens of thousands of dollars or more, some people don't put in some effort to either get a good realtor or learn the basics of marketing. The amount of money you'd make per hour (by having the house sell faster or at a higher price) by learning the basics seems like it would easily justify the effort.

 

When we were looking for our current house we laughed for days over a listing that showed a bedroom with what looked like a big blanket thrown over a teenager who didn't want to move off of his bed for the picture. We wondered if the kid was included with the house. :D

[dirty ethel rackham]

I thought the first one looked messy, but not "a mess."  Just "lived in" messy where you could do a 10 minute tidy and it would be good.  It is less messy than my house.  The after looked comfortable, but I just wanted to go in there and fold that blanket on the couch and put it over an arm.  I wouldn't want to sit on that blanket.   But that is the only thing that made me twitchy.  I have a thing about furniture that you can't sit on because it has stuff on it (like my living room couch that has my school books and notes on it right now.)  Would I think that was nicely decorated?  No, but no judgement here.  I'm sitting on a 26 year old couch that has seen better days.  

 

I would love to have a neat,tidy house, but I don't have the energy to make that happen.  I have way too much clutter and don't have the energy to make all those decisions of what to do with everything. I find cleaning stressful.  My mother was a neatnik and I could never clean anything to her standards.  I actually used to hide after I cleaned so that she could do her ranting and raving when I wasn't present.  Unfortunately, I'm the only one in the house who cares about clutter.  Hubby does tidy, but he doesn't ever make decisions on where things go, just makes piles.

[umsami]

When we were looking for our current house we laughed for days over a listing that showed a bedroom with what looked like a big blanket thrown over a teenager who didn't want to move off of his bed for the picture. We wondered if the kid was included with the house. :D

 

Our favorite was a house where they didn't even try... we're talking food/stuff all over the kitchen counters, dirty dishes, etc.... and a stripper pole in the bedroom!

[Tsuga]

I don't care, but then again we're a more messy than clean family. :) I have friends whom I am more willing to have over time because I know they don't care vs. those who I know will gossip after. (Yes, it gets back to me.)

 

When I'm a visitor to a friends house and they are apologetic about the state... sometimes they're just saying that, and there's truly nothing wrong...no more than normal living mess or often it's spotless. But I also have friends who are overwhelmed with little ones, not a lot of space, etc.... who know that I'll often pitch in to help put things right. Two adults can get a lot done in even 30 minutes. Or while they're feeding the baby, I'll do the dishes, etc.

 

I actually wish I could do things like they do in Egypt. You have one or two reception rooms designed for company. (Some families actually have one for female, and one for male visitors.) These are kept spotless. Nobody goes in them unless company comes. People who visit, know not to visit other parts of the house. Problem solved.

Yup, all over the middle East and Asia. Hence, the playroom. It's harder with Western floor plans but we more or less do that with our "sitting" room.

[solascriptura]

It is messy, but I wonder why she cares what strangers think about her living space.  If she's comfortable with it, that's enough.

[Garga]

Am I the only one who truly doesn't care how messy someone's house is? As long as there isn't one week old food on dishes in the living room, and it isn't a hoarders' nest, I am good.

 

 

 

Me, too. I have never really cared too much about having a messy house. I am not a good housekeeper. And I 100% do not care if you are a bad housekeeper, too. I have a couple of friends who get very, very stressed at how messy their houses are. They don’t really care for their own sakes, but the second someone will step in, they get all upset. No matter how many times I say that I do not care about their mess, they just can’t believe it and spend a lot of time being tense and talking about how they meant to tidy up, blah blah. I get so bored of the conversation.

 

 

I love house tours! I didn't know that people didn't like them. I wonder how many people I've bored out of their minds by giving them a tour of our standard family house? lol

I also adore house tours and feel very funny when someone doesn’t offer one. My family always offered a tour so I thought that was the norm. Even though I now know that lots of people don’t like offering/going on tours, I still feel a little off center when I’m not offered one. I’m very curious about houses and it feels strange to be friends with someone and have never seen parts of their house. I don’t feel mad or insulted. Just a little off center.

 

There have been threads in the past about house tours and about half of us like them and half of us don’t. Once I read those threads in the past I better understood people who don’t offer. And it also explained why the last time I offered a tour, the person got really snarky about it and was all, “Why in the world would I want a tour?†(And no, I’m no longer friends with that person. Wasn’t about the tour, but was about the snark that permeated our interactions.). I haven’t had a new person visit the house since that last snarky person, for a thousand different reasons that would require a different thread to talk about.

 

So, the next person that comes into my house, I’m not sure what to do: offer a tour or not?

Edited March 18, 2018 by Garga

[marbel]

Awww...don't be put off if you think you are judged because your house is messy or judged if your house is clean....it's making me feel sad that people wouldn't ask me over after they have seen that my home is kinda kept neat most of the time because it makes them feel like they will be judged. (It's especially hard on ME because of the way my mom always attached a negative stigma to my having a tidy house). It can't be assumed that people with tidy houses care more about the state of their homes than relationships...

<snip>

 

 

I don't think anyone said that. Certainly no one said that people with clean houses don't care about relationships.

 

I was one who said I was uncomfortable with people who have perfectly clean, tidy homes but then apologize for some (non-existent) mess, or for seeing one thing out of place, or whatever. I don't want a person like that in my home because I know that person is going to judge me and find my housekeeping skills wanting.  But that has nothing to do with people who have a nice, tidy house but don't feel the need to draw attention to its neatness by making dumb comments about dirt that is not there.

 

It's like people who cook something for guests, and then apologize ahead of time because it's probably not very good, it's not special enough, etc., etc.  It's a form of insecurity, I think, and a way to get compliments.