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Help! Decluttering old letters


MamaBearTeacher
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I have a Rubbermaid full of old letters.  I kept all the letters, cards, postcards I got from age 16 until now.  I will be working on downsizing this for the next hour, though I might have to revisit it in the future because one hour is not enough and this might end to be a 2-step process anyways.  What do I get rid of?  I feel overwhelmed and I am not sure if something brings me joy or not, if I want someone to discover it when I die, etc.

 

I am not in touch with anyone who sent me these letters anymore.  I lost touch with everyone after my kids got sick and some of the closest ones kind of abandoned me and  some I lost touch with in my youth.  In a way these letters remind me that I was once more than a mom taking care of sick kids.  But, I haven't looked at them anyways.

 

I will not be throwing them all out but I want to get rid of more than half.

 

What to do?

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These all sound like friend letters. I have kept one from my grandmother, and a letter from my great-grandmother to her sister...things with deep sentimental value that my children may be interested in. Friend letters, though, I photographed one from a few people who were important to me over the years and let the rest go.

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I have kept very few letters, just those that give me a good feeling when I read them.  For example, a note scrawled on a church bulletin from someone in the congregation who wanted me to know she appreciated me. 

 

Birthday and Christmas cards without a photo of the family and/or a personal message go into the recycle bin immediately after I read them.  I'm talking about Hallmark-type commercially-produced cards with no personal writing other than "Love, Name" on them. 

 

No regrets.  In fact the older I get the more ruthless I get, because why would I want my kids to have to sort through a bunch of my cards and letters when I'm dead?

 

So obviously my advice is to get rid of all but the most special.  Scanning them and saving them in soft copy is a good idea too.

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If you really can't bring yourself to get rid of them, then scan them and keep electronic versions. My suggestion however, is to just let them go. They don't bring you joy. They add to both your clutter and your distress.

 

I haven't read the book on Swedish Death Cleaning but I will say that after having to go through everything in my mother's house, dh and I decided we don't want ds and dss to have to deal with what my brother and I did. Not that I don't hope you'll be around for decades of course, but it's something to think about at any age. It's stressful to have to go through a loved one's things after they're gone. We probably kept things we should have tossed. And we very likely tossed things we should have kept. But when you're mourning you aren't thinking straight.  

 

Ask, "Would my kids want this? Will this add to their work and their stress when they have to clear out my stuff after I'm gone?"  I hope having to answer those two questions will help you decide.

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I would let the letters go, and I would plan a weekend solo trip for myself.

 

I had a deaf/blind/wheelchair bound daughter (she died of her illness) and it is possible to completely lose yourself in not a good way. You have an identity outside of being your son’s caretaker. Look for balance in your current circumstances and discover who you want to be now.

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What Lady Florida said. I had to clean out my mom and dad's house and the thousands of cards, letters, and photos were so hard and time consuming. I kept a very small percentage of them. I don't want my things to be a burden to my children someday when I am gone.

 

What really means something to you NOW and brings you joy instead of sorrow and regret? What might be interesting to future generations? Keep those and let the rest go.

 

Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk

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Well, I ended up only having half an hour instead of an hour.  I went through one small bag and got rid of about one fifth, maybe 15 letters.  Not so great. 

 

I can't burn them, I just can't.

 

Scanning them would take forever.  I already have photos I want to scan and that is a priority.  There are so many, so many sides, faint writing that is already hard to read.  There is pretty paper, embossing and pretty envelopes.  The pretty envelopes bring me joy.  It is not the kind of thing I want to look at on a computer screen.

 

It feels almost like they are a record of the truth and that stops me from throwing them.  It feels wrong.  But some I want to throw out and I can't figure out which ones.  I want to throw out more than 3/4 but I am only throwing out one fifth.  

 

I am finding this so so hard.

 

 

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Well, I ended up only having half an hour instead of an hour. I went through one small bag and got rid of about one fifth, maybe 15 letters. Not so great.

 

I can't burn them, I just can't.

 

Scanning them would take forever. I already have photos I want to scan and that is a priority. There are so many, so many sides, faint writing that is already hard to read. There is pretty paper, embossing and pretty envelopes. The pretty envelopes bring me joy. It is not the kind of thing I want to look at on a computer screen.

 

It feels almost like they are a record of the truth and that stops me from throwing them. It feels wrong. But some I want to throw out and I can't figure out which ones. I want to throw out more than 3/4 but I am only throwing out one fifth.

 

I am finding this so so hard.

You know it would be totally ok to deal with this later. I think I can always declutter better when I'm coming from a place of emotional strength than when I'm feeling fragile.

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If you really can't bring yourself to get rid of them, then scan them and keep electronic versions. My suggestion however, is to just let them go. They don't bring you joy. They add to both your clutter and your distress.

 

I haven't read the book on Swedish Death Cleaning but I will say that after having to go through everything in my mother's house, dh and I decided we don't want ds and dss to have to deal with what my brother and I did. Not that I don't hope you'll be around for decades of course, but it's something to think about at any age. It's stressful to have to go through a loved one's things after they're gone. We probably kept things we should have tossed. And we very likely tossed things we should have kept. But when you're mourning you aren't thinking straight.  

 

Ask, "Would my kids want this? Will this add to their work and their stress when they have to clear out my stuff after I'm gone?"  I hope having to answer those two questions will help you decide.

 

I did read the above book. It was very interesting. It's a short book so easy to get through in a weekend. She's not as woo as the Kan Marie lady is about stuff. She does say that she has a box of old letters and things that make her happy to pull out & read/look at. She has marked the box for her family to toss when she dies so they don't have to go through any of it because it's only special to her. She's in her 80's and has pretty much already given her kids anything that she thinks they may want.

 

I would toss the letters that bring bad feelings and just keep the ones that you enjoy. If you like the look or feel of the stationery then keep it. You may change your mind in the future. How much room does a box of letters take up in the grand scheme of things?

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I did read the above book. It was very interesting. It's a short book so easy to get through in a weekend. She's not as woo as the Kan Marie lady is about stuff. She does say that she has a box of old letters and things that make her happy to pull out & read/look at. She has marked the box for her family to toss when she dies so they don't have to go through any of it because it's only special to her. She's in her 80's and has pretty much already given her kids anything that she thinks they may want.

 

I would toss the letters that bring bad feelings and just keep the ones that you enjoy. If you like the look or feel of the stationery then keep it. You may change your mind in the future. How much room does a box of letters take up in the grand scheme of things?

 

I have been under a lot of stress lately and sometimes feeling like I could suddenly drop dead.  So that's part of it.

 

Maybe there is some stuff I don't want my kids to see.  I'm not sure.  Maybe there is some stuff that would be interesting to them.  

 

I think the problem is that this requires time.  Some people write really long letters. I will just have to do it slowly.

 

Also, it is emotionally disturbing and uplifting in a nostalgic way at the same time.  It's hard to explain.

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Well, I ended up only having half an hour instead of an hour.  I went through one small bag and got rid of about one fifth, maybe 15 letters.  Not so great. 

 

 

 

1/5 or 15 or however much go got rid of is still progress. At least you made an effort and you did choose to let some go.

 

If you're not ready to get rid of the rest you're not ready.

 

I did read the above book. It was very interesting. It's a short book so easy to get through in a weekend. She's not as woo as the Kan Marie lady is about stuff. She does say that she has a box of old letters and things that make her happy to pull out & read/look at. She has marked the box for her family to toss when she dies so they don't have to go through any of it because it's only special to her. She's in her 80's and has pretty much already given her kids anything that she thinks they may want.

 

 

 

I do plan to read it some time. I put it on my library wish list but never got around to putting it on hold. I think labeling idea is brilliant. Of course if I was the family member who came across it I'd be tempted to at least take a look, but at least I'd know I didn't have to go through that box.

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