Porn is not the worst thing - S/O Young Teens + Social Media

[ktgrok]

Some of us are more introverted I think :)  The people I have regular contact with, I am physically with all day long. 

 

See, my husband is gone from 8am until nearly 8pm on a good night, often far later or after I am in bed. My oldest is 18 and on the college campus 2 days a week and at a volunteer job 3 days a week. My best friend is 3 hours away and at the end of her pregnancy and I miss her terribly. My other good friends are as busy with littles as I am but we use the phone or messaging to arrange times to see each other and let the kids play. 

 

Without tech I would go days and days without speaking to an adult for any length of time. 

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[ktgrok]

Yeah I hate talking on the phone.  I talk to my dad, but mostly because I have zero choice because he does not live nearby.  We wait about 3 weeks in between calls because otherwise it would be dead air between the two of us.  He's the same way so he understands.

 

I have no other family.

 

I do prefer VASTLY to text/message with my family than speak on the phone, so we so that more than talk. But if we couldn't text/message we would talk on the phone. 

 

My mom is 90 minutes away and my sister is 45 minutes. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

See, my husband is gone from 8am until nearly 8pm on a good night, often far later or after I am in bed. My oldest is 18 and on the college campus 2 days a week and at a volunteer job 3 days a week. My best friend is 3 hours away and at the end of her pregnancy and I miss her terribly. My other good friends are as busy with littles as I am but we use the phone or messaging to arrange times to see each other and let the kids play. 

 

Without tech I would go days and days without speaking to an adult for any length of time. 

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Oh see that is the thing.  I don't enjoy talking on the phone.  My kids both go visit my dad for sometimes weeks in the summer and we don't speak even once on the phone most of the time.  Texting I'd probably like, but I suspect I'd be constantly glued.  It's a good thing I cannot bring my computer everywhere.  My dad recently discovered texting and now he is hooked.

 

My kid takes some classes at the CC and I encourage him to bring the phone just in case.  He forgets most of the time.  But if push came to  shove, he could walk home (it's about 2 miles away).  Wouldn't be pleasant, but apparently the prospect isn't horrid enough to encourage him to remember to charge the phone and bring it. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'm too cheap to pay for data.  That's another thing.  Because I have nothing important to say...and I choose to spend my money on other forms of entertainment. 

[eternalsummer]

See, my husband is gone from 8am until nearly 8pm on a good night, often far later or after I am in bed. My oldest is 18 and on the college campus 2 days a week and at a volunteer job 3 days a week. My best friend is 3 hours away and at the end of her pregnancy and I miss her terribly. My other good friends are as busy with littles as I am but we use the phone or messaging to arrange times to see each other and let the kids play. 

 

Without tech I would go days and days without speaking to an adult for any length of time. 

SaveSave

 

Yes, in that case I'd be on the phone a fair amount too!  I used to call DH at work all the time, and email when possible.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Those engaged in a relationship with the user......and for kids, the parent.

 

Sure, you might not care if person x spends 20-7 on their phone. But if a spouse spending so much time on a phone that the other half of the marriage is feeling neglected and unwanted..................................that's a problem. If a parent is seeing that a kid is spending lots of hours on their phone and that their grades are suffering, etc etc......that's a problem. IOW......the balance depends on the person. Our job as parents is to determine what balance is best for our kids. They are all individual people...our kids, I mean...and the balance that works for Samantha is not the balance that works for Jenna.

 

I think it's important to recognize that balance is not balance for everyone. This is true in food, and true in tech and communication.

Sure. But we often see people on threads like this making snarky comments about people they see who are on their phones “too muchâ€. Often those people are strangers. I think of that sometimes on occasions like today. If someone from another table had seen our family they might come to false conclusions. They wouldn’t know that someone in my Fitbit group had started a new walking challenge. And that I added my daughter to the group. And that she paused to join the challenge. Which led to dh asking us about our virtual hike through Yosemite. Which led to dd showing him and Ds our route and the pictures of the scenery shown on the Fitbit site...

[Ausmumof3]

Yeah, it's good to have some occupation. One of the things though that strikes me about the smartphone era is that I see a lot of kids who seem to really lack the ability to just be.

 

I remember as a kid and teen having some balance although I was introverted. But I had some girl friends from school - and they didn't live close by as I was bussed, but I hung out with them sometimes. I played D&D and spent a lot of time at home preparing. Reading, drawing and painting. I tried cooking different times which didn't work out all that well in many cases but my parents ate it anyway.

 

I also remember being bored to tears when I was not yet a teen in places where I couldn't easily find ways to entertain myself, like waiting in line with my mom at the bank or grocery store. That's the kind of boredom though where I think it's not actually a bad thing generally speaking. It gives you time to contemplate, or to learn how to do it if you are a kid. I remember making a very close examination of those weird vertical blinds banks used to have, and wondering why they only seemed to be in banks.

 

Now it seems like both kids and adults, as soon as they have to wait for something, are distracted by their phones. So even those little spaces in the day outside of the house are filled up. I'm sure some people are doing something important or useful, but a lot are surfing the web, and the kids seem to all be playing games. I think even those little spaces outside the home are something you can bring into your home with you.

 

I always remember reading in a biography about Beatrix potter how awful her life was, her parents pretty much kept her locked up and alone. It struck me as so closed in and lonely. Which I would not suggest was a good thing, but it was out of that loneliness and boredom that her really original work came - she had time to devote to thinking and imagining and perfecting her craft. I'm not sure that a lot of kids now get that far, and the satisfaction of creation or perfecting something is a lot easier to come out of Minecraft than actually gaining a real-world skill.

Even as an adult I think the smart phone has eaten into my ability to just be. But strangely I feel like I'm coming out the other side of that too.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think your use of the word entertainment illustrates another factor here.

 

My oldest is 22.  When she was 18, the very end of her senior year of high school, one day, I went with her to pick up a friend of hers.   DD22 was 18 at the time, and driving, with her own car, but, her car was in the shop.  Her friend didn't have a driver's license.  So, I was driving.....can't even remember where was I dropping off a 17 and 18 yr old.  Anyway, I pulled into the friend's driveway, told DD to let her friend know that we were ready.  And we sat and we sat and we sat....DD had TEXTED her friend.  I said, why didn't you just call?  It would have been faster?!?!?

 

After a few minutes, DD called.  And her friend popped right out of the house, and we went on.

 

That's a case where the communication isn't entertainment, but necessary.  Sure, we could have waited and waited, and eventually, gone and knocked on the door....the end result would have been the same  But.....communication by phone was faster.  Or it would have been, had that communication been by PHONE...not text.  Had DD just CALLED...it would have been pretty fast.  Waiting for someone to receive a text, not so fast. 

 

Communication is good when it works in our favor.  Communication just as enterainment.....not so sure that's ok.  And, communication at all costs....not good at all.  That's where all that balance comes in. 

 

I meant "for me" it would be a matter of entertainment.  I do not need more than what I have.  I'd rather spend the hundreds of dollars on a class at the CC for myself than spend it on data so I can text.    If I needed to be able to do this, that would be different, but that is not the case. 

[eternalsummer]

I think your use of the word entertainment illustrates another factor here.

 

My oldest is 22.  When she was 18, the very end of her senior year of high school, one day, I went with her to pick up a friend of hers.   DD22 was 18 at the time, and driving, with her own car, but, her car was in the shop.  Her friend didn't have a driver's license.  So, I was driving.....can't even remember where was I dropping off a 17 and 18 yr old.  Anyway, I pulled into the friend's driveway, told DD to let her friend know that we were ready.  And we sat and we sat and we sat....DD had TEXTED her friend.  I said, why didn't you just call?  It would have been faster?!?!?

 

After a few minutes, DD called.  And her friend popped right out of the house, and we went on.

 

That's a case where the communication isn't entertainment, but necessary.  Sure, we could have waited and waited, and eventually, gone and knocked on the door....the end result would have been the same  But.....communication by phone was faster.  Or it would have been, had that communication been by PHONE...not text.  Had DD just CALLED...it would have been pretty fast.  Waiting for someone to receive a text, not so fast. 

 

Communication is good when it works in our favor.  Communication just as enterainment.....not so sure that's ok.  And, communication at all costs....not good at all.  That's where all that balance comes in. 

 

 

From someone who doesn't use cell phones in this way, either to text or call, I can tell you that what we would do is go up to the door and knock.

 

that is what we always did when I was a kid and indeed it is what I do when I'm taking DD12 and friends somewhere.

[DawnM]

From someone who doesn't use cell phones in this way, either to text or call, I can tell you that what we would do is go up to the door and knock.

 

that is what we always did when I was a kid and indeed it is what I do when I'm taking DD12 and friends somewhere.

 

And today, when my 14 year old went to visit a friend, who was visiting his dad in an apartment (recently separated) and we had to pick him up......texting came in SO handy.  There was NO parking anywhere and the apartment was not right off the parking lot, it was a bit of a walk from the parking lot, even if we had found a spot.

 

[Murphy101]

From someone who doesn't use cell phones in this way, either to text or call, I can tell you that what we would do is go up to the door and knock.

 

that is what we always did when I was a kid and indeed it is what I do when I'm taking DD12 and friends somewhere.

Yeah. There’s been times when I waited bc a kid didn’t get a text at school. But at a house? Um. I don’t bother. I go to the door and ring the bell.

 

That said. I have literally met 3 people in the last year who said they don’t answer their door. If you don’t text first, they don’t answer. They don’t even go see who it is. I think that’s rather bizarre but ... *shrug*

[Ausmumof3]

Er uh say what now? Enticing ideas is pretty much why we all get up in the morning.

Lol and I thought it was because the cat won't leave me alone till she's had her breakfast

[eternalsummer]

Oh, definitely texting and calling are convenient!  Even if you're just avoiding a walk from the driveway to the front door, it's convenient.

 

What I'm saying  is that, as a person who does not ever text or use a cell phone for these types of things, they are not strictly necessary.  If someone was waiting to pick me up after school, for instance, on a large campus with limited parking, I'd arrange ahead of time where to be at what time and wait there (outside, in the cold, if necessary); alternatively, if it was a mom driving my friend or something to pick me up, she might drop off the friend at the entrance to the apartment complex or school and the friend would walk in to get me while the mom made the block (or a couple of blocks) or idled or something.  It was not super convenient but it worked okay. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Oh, definitely texting and calling are convenient!  Even if you're just avoiding a walk from the driveway to the front door, it's convenient.

 

What I'm saying  is that, as a person who does not ever text or use a cell phone for these types of things, they are not strictly necessary.  If someone was waiting to pick me up after school, for instance, on a large campus with limited parking, I'd arrange ahead of time where to be at what time and wait there (outside, in the cold, if necessary); alternatively, if it was a mom driving my friend or something to pick me up, she might drop off the friend at the entrance to the apartment complex or school and the friend would walk in to get me while the mom made the block (or a couple of blocks) or idled or something.  It was not super convenient but it worked okay. 

 

Handy yes, strictly necessary?  Not always. 

 

I would like to have no cell phones.  I have encountered situations where it was very necessary.  I could have taken my chances I guess, but I felt better to have that option.  But I'm talking this happens once a year.  It's pretty sucky to spend money on a phone that gets used once a year. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I thought about this thread yesterday.

 

My 16th anniversary was Friday. Circumstances dictated that we celebrate on Saturday. So we were out at a restaurant last night. We don't do that often.

 

We spent most of the evening talking and relishing in the yummy food that I can't reproduce at home. Towards the end of the evening, we had had our fill of everything. And while finishing up the last sips of my drink, we got to talking about the practical things surrounding our move. Discussing things like Dates, locations, etc. We both whipped out our phones and were consulting. Short periods of discussion followed by long periods of looking up stuff.

 

It was productive. We enjoyed our anniversary. Had someone been seated next to us towards the end of our meal...they would likely have been the people talking about those people on their phones too much.

 

 

 

At the same time however.......as those things relate to kids.....we have to teach our kids how to manage those situations. It's great to talk about things like a time frame for a situation within your family, a walking challenge that is facilitated by the fit bit app or whatever. Our job as parents is to help our kids realize how those things are good, but spending 3 hours on You Tube and issuing whatever comments fall out of your brain to people you don't know....probably no so much.

Yes, well, that’s a no brainer, right? And those people who don’t really want to parent their kids aren’t going to suddenly wake up because of a blogpost style article.

[KathyBC]

I didn't get from the article "Panic because there are bad things on the internet!"  There are lots of parents that are pretty clueless honestly.  I've known parents who think porn on the internet is like porn they saw in the grandfather's Playboy (in other words "no big deal")  And other parents who think yes, that porn is all they have to worry about...because some of us don't have the *imagination* to encompass all the truly disgusting and harmful things that are out there.

 

It's not wrong to wake up anyone who might not fully understand.  But hopefully the effect will not be deleting one app and then moving on.  It should be to raise enough concern that actual and ongoing time should be invested in a combination of addressing, talking, and safeguarding.

 

 

Honestly, I think a lot. It’s a no brainer to people who think. People who actively parent.

 

But even though there are a whole lot of people who do that.....there are also a while lo of people who write in Mickey Mouse as a presidential candidate.

 

I am 40. I think I did ok parenting my oldest to adulthood in such an ever changing world. But most people who have 9 yr olds haven’t done so. And, those people may very well think a little harder because of the blogosphere.

 

The method might very well lend credibility to the content.

This stuff is new, and it's changing all the time. Even the best of parents have other kids, jobs, responsibilities... There really needs to be an information campaign, rather than assuming folks are just going to suss this out on their own.

[Jean in Newcastle]

This stuff is new, and it's changing all the time. Even the best of parents have other kids, jobs, responsibilities... There really needs to be an information campaign, rather than assuming folks are just going to suss this out on their own.

But it’s not new. I am not criticizing anyone but I have been hearing about this since my 20 year old was a tween. I find it very surprising that anyone would think that it is new.

[AngieW in Texas]

For my oldest, if she didn't have a friend online then she would have no friends at all. She hasn't had an in-person friend since she was 16yo (about 8 years ago).

 

She has a friend in Portugal she plays online games with who has actually been a friend for several years.

 

Otherwise my oldest has never had a friend who has actually lasted as a friend for more than one year.

 

The combination of Asperger's, OCD, ADD, and depression is just not something that most people want to deal with and it makes it really difficult for my dd to be a friend. But she has had fun playing online games with this friend from Portugal for several years. 

[KathyBC]

But it’s not new. I am not criticizing anyone but I have been hearing about this since my 20 year old was a tween. I find it very surprising that anyone would think that it is new.

Seriously? Your 20-year-old had snap chat nine years ago?

 

The parent of a 13-year-old would have had a 4-year-old nine years ago. This is indeed all new to them.

Edited March 12, 2018 by KathyBC

[Jean in Newcastle]

Seriously? Your 20-year-old had snap chat nine years ago?

No. But he had the Internet and social media. The general concepts of parental monitoring has not changed even as apps have changed. And obviously will continue to change.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Seriously? Your 20-year-old had snap chat nine years ago?

 

The parent of a 13-year-old would have had a 4-year-old nine years ago. This is indeed all new to them.

You changed your post as I was typing. I was responding to you saying that there needs to be an information campaign about these issues. I am saying that this information has been put out there for parents with various updates for new apps for as long as this sort of technology has been available. The really helpful ones are not put out by mommy bloggers of 9 year olds. They are put out by magazines like PC magazine. Online as well as in print.

[ktgrok]

For my oldest, if she didn't have a friend online then she would have no friends at all. She hasn't had an in-person friend since she was 16yo (about 8 years ago).

 

She has a friend in Portugal she plays online games with who has actually been a friend for several years.

 

Otherwise my oldest has never had a friend who has actually lasted as a friend for more than one year.

 

The combination of Asperger's, OCD, ADD, and depression is just not something that most people want to deal with and it makes it really difficult for my dd to be a friend. But she has had fun playing online games with this friend from Portugal for several years. 

 

Yup, one of my Aspergers/ADHD/Depression kids' best friends is someone he met while gaming, who lives in Scotland. They have worked together now too, running a server, etc. He does have in person friends, but probably more in common with the kid in scotland. 

[LucyStoner]

I heard someone say something like this the other day - it was a comment on a review of the new Wrinkle In Time movie.  This person thought that authors should not write kids books that had ideas in them that might be enticing to kids.

 

When books were first available to a mass market, parents and elders kvetched about kids reading like people kvetch about smartphones.  

 

It sounds like that someone stepped out of a couple of centuries ago.  

[LucyStoner]

Lol!!!

 

Kids should only read dictionaries and I stand by that.

 

I dunno.  Some of those words are very enticing.  

[Bluegoat]

I'm really trying to get my head around just not using a phone or other communication device. Even before cell phones we used regular phones a lot. Before that, mail I imagine :)

 

Just off the top of my head I've called my son today to ask him to be ready and waiting outside when I got home with groceries so he could help me (wanted to give him warning so he wasn't in the middle of cooking lunch or something), talked about editing a book with a friend, discussed labor signs with another friend who is very pregnant, looked up where the nearest restaurants were to the garden tour we were at, took photos of my son handling a red tailed hawk at that even, checked the menu of the restaurant to be sure there were things there we could all eat, talked to my sister to explain how the local ropes course works and to assure her yes, my daughter did like it and I bet her's will too, looked up a recipe at the store to find one that would work with an ingredient I found on sale, tried (and failed) to set up a get together with a local friend but at least got to touch base so we both know we miss each other, and that's in the last 12-24 hours. I'm sure there is more I'm forgetting. 

 

Well, I don't have a cell phone at all, and neither do my kids.

 

I have a landline.  I chat to my mom about once a week, and my friend maybe a bit less, and I use it for quick calls like making appointments and such.

 

Obviously I can't take it out of the house, so if I go somewhere I am going to have to wait and I'm not content to sit or chat with others, I bring a book. And the same for my kids.

 

I think people are far more expecting to be in contact at all times now. Things like expecting you to call when you get close so they aren't in the middle of something, texting their kids through the day, etc.  Many people can't imagine not doing these things and don't seem to remember that things actually worked just fine when that wasn't possible, and can't imagine that there is anything that's been lost by adding in that kind of constant connectivity.  

 

I didn't even have a phone in my first year of university, and it wasn't simple to email either.  It was the same for most students and yet somehow we managed to stay close to our parents and have full social lives, and all the rest.  

 

I had one professor who didn't have a phone at all for years because he felt it inhibited his contemplation.  He used a fax machine instead once it became available, and after a heart attack he got a phone installed in his closet, so he could shut the door on it.  

 

I find it a little alarming to see a lot of the teens I know who seem to feel a bit lost if they have no way to connect.  My cousins who made their parents leave a family reunion because they were cut off from the web was the most disturbing, but most of the time it just is the inability to imagine life without constant connection. And the parents I see too seem really unsure about how to operate without that constant connectivity to their kids.  

[Bluegoat]

Oh see that is the thing.  I don't enjoy talking on the phone.  My kids both go visit my dad for sometimes weeks in the summer and we don't speak even once on the phone most of the time.  Texting I'd probably like, but I suspect I'd be constantly glued.  It's a good thing I cannot bring my computer everywhere.  My dad recently discovered texting and now he is hooked.

 

My kid takes some classes at the CC and I encourage him to bring the phone just in case.  He forgets most of the time.  But if push came to  shove, he could walk home (it's about 2 miles away).  Wouldn't be pleasant, but apparently the prospect isn't horrid enough to encourage him to remember to charge the phone and bring it. 

 

I prefer to tak to people in person.

 

I don't mind talking on the phone, unless the other person is on a cell, in which case the sound quality bothers me.  So my sister I tend to message on the computer on whatever the Apple messaging app thing is called.  She's inclined to want to chat that way as well as communicate for practical reasons, so I do, but I'd not say it's my favourite format.  I'm also part of an ongoing group chat with my first cousins and sister, but I don't often contribute to that.

 

I'll talk to my mom on the phone weekly, my dad probably about every three weeks.  

 

I actually prefer the kind of exchange we have here, where you can actually write a paragraph.  I feel like texting is fine for utilitarian purposes, but you can't talk about anything more substantial.

 

I find my kids don't really care about calling me much if they are away.  I found it funny going to a meeting for my kids school trip to a university.  The university doesn't let the middle school kids have phones on the campus, so the school takes them as they get on the bus for the trip.  But the teacher at the meeting went to great pains to tell the parents that they would - against the rules - give the kids their phones for 20 min a night to call home, because they knew the parents would be anxious and they didn't want the kids to get homesick their first time away.  This is for a trip that is two nights for 12 and 13 year olds.  I was thinking any time my kids have gone away they probably wouldn't call me at all if they didn't have to.

[Bluegoat]

When books were first available to a mass market, parents and elders kvetched about kids reading like people kvetch about smartphones.  

 

It sounds like that someone stepped out of a couple of centuries ago.  

 

I've never quite understood the logic of comments like this.

 

People complained about something new, (it's assumed the complaint had no merit since we accept the new thing now and have no real concept of life without it.)

 

Since that complaint about something new had no merit, this complaint about something new has no merit.

 

?

[Ausmumof3]

I dunno. Some of those words are very enticing.

In fact the very word enticing may be in there

[SparklyUnicorn]

I dunno.  Some of those words are very enticing.  

 

Hah...

 

As a kid my dad would often tell me to look something up if I asked what this or that meant.  So I spent a lot of time looking stuff in various places, including dictionaries. 

 

Then once there was an article in a newspaper about a rape case and it gave some details and I asked what a particular word meant and I think my dad was kinda embarrassed or something.  He said none of your business.  I was definitely old enough to hear what it meant.  So I looked it up in the dictionary of course.  Geesh....

[Murphy101]

I've never quite understood the logic of comments like this.

 

People complained about something new, (it's assumed the complaint had no merit since we accept the new thing now and have no real concept of life without it.)

 

Since that complaint about something new had no merit, this complaint about something new has no merit.

 

?

It’s not even true it had no merit then. They were right to be concerned that children don’t need to read everything out there and that some precaution should be taken to safeguard young minds from things that need adult development to navigate healthily.

 

No one is saying do away with all technology.

 

Some are saying not all technology is developmentally appropriate for younger people. Just like cars and many other things.

[Scarlett]

not all the time though

 

Doing nothing all the time I guess is like doing anything all the time.

 

Being the brunt of the whim of parents with bizarro ideas...even worse. My mother did not like to read and never read anything. So therefore I should not like it either.

Yes that is super weird. Sorry. I read all of the time. And just yesterday my mom was recounting how HER mom would say, 'get your head out of that book and come help me with this chore'. But she never told her to stop reading just because she was reading too much.

[Scarlett]

It’s not even true it had no merit then. They were right to be concerned that children don’t need to read everything out there and that some precaution should be taken to safeguard young minds from things that need adult development to navigate healthily.

 

No one is saying do away with all technology.

 

Some are saying not all technology is developmentally appropriate for younger people. Just like cars and many other things.

My son didn't get a smart phone until he was 14. And he wasn't allowed to have it in his room at night until he was 17. I also looked at it often up until he was 17 when he asked for privacy(meaning his texting conversations with his IRL friends).

 

 

My one regret is I didn't pay enough attention to his IPod. I should have treated it just like a computer or smart phone.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yes that is super weird. Sorry. I read all of the time. And just yesterday my mom was recounting how HER mom would say, 'get your head out of that book and come help me with this chore'. But she never told her to stop reading just because she was reading too much.

 

Um no...no alternative was proposed, offered, available....

 

I mean chore?  We lived in a microscopic apartment that could be cleaned top to bottom in probably an hour.  So there wasn't much in the way of chores anyway.

[LucyStoner]

I've never quite understood the logic of comments like this.

 

People complained about something new, (it's assumed the complaint had no merit since we accept the new thing now and have no real concept of life without it.)

 

Since that complaint about something new had no merit, this complaint about something new has no merit.

 

?

Elders have long complained that whatever young people are doing is a bridge too far.

 

And here we all are, alive and kicking.

 

I tend to dismiss “kids these days†type of arguments.

Edited March 12, 2018 by LucyStoner

[ktgrok]

My parents and teachers did tell me I was reading too much, now that I think about it. Before smart phones that's what I did, read. Same arguments in some sense....it was keeping me from socializing with people, from getting enough exercise, and I might come across questionable content. 

 

I totally get that you don't need a phone all the time. I almost never answer my cell, unless it is family or a close friend. Even then sometimes, lol. I don't respond to messages instantly, and feel no need to unless they are time sensitive questions. 

 

I was just surprised by the idea of not talking or texting or whatever almost EVER, by some people. Like not even with a land line. But it was explained that either the people the communicate with are easy to talk to in person  (not the case for most people) or they use email or messaging on the computer. So that makes sense to me. More sense than my idea that they were just never communicating with anyone outside their nuclear family. 

[Murphy101]

My one regret is I didn't pay enough attention to his IPod. I should have treated it just like a computer or smart phone.

This is so important. People get freaked out about smartphones and computers but don’t give any thought to game/music devices, many of which have the same potential problems as any computer or smart phone.

[Murphy101]

Elders have long complained that whatever young people are doing is a bridge too far.

 

And here we all are, alive and kicking.

 

I tend to dismiss “kids these days†type of arguments.

But that’s not at all what anyone in this thread is doing.

 

Kids these days are not some new species of human.

 

They are the same as kids from yesteryears.

 

But the tech isn’t. It does have drawback and we are seeing negative affects.

 

That isn’t at all a negative reflection on kids these days. It’s just learning new information we didn’t have before and using it to decide how to help them navigate.

[LucyStoner]

But that’s not at all what anyone in this thread is doing.

 

Kids these days are not some new species of human.

 

They are the same as kids from yesteryears.

 

But the tech isn’t. It does have drawback and we are seeing negative affects.

 

That isn’t at all a negative reflection on kids these days. It’s just learning new information we didn’t have before and using it to decide how to help them navigate.

If you have read my posts and think that I do not or have not helped my sons learn to navigate technology or that somehow you are expressing something unpopular or controversial, you are simply wrong.

 

Of course we help our kids learn to navigate the world as they live in it. Regardless of if the new dangerous thing is books, radio or the internet.

Edited March 12, 2018 by LucyStoner

[Scarlett]

I do believe the www is just like any other thing that has the potential for addiction. Some kids are not swayed by the 'thing' of their generation and others become addicted immediately to their own peril.

[Bluegoat]

Elders have long complained that whatever young people are doing is a bridge too far.

 

And here we all are, alive and kicking.

 

I tend to dismiss “kids these days†type of arguments.

 

Well, except people don't generally dismiss it about things they decide are actually dangerous.  Kids these days, all smoking.  And we know that actually, that was bad.  

 

And you know, some bridges may not have been very good for us, or may have had real trade-offs, and we just don't really recognize it because we are too immersed.

 

There is actually quite a lot of research to support that interactive computer technology has significant effects on kids beyond even television.  And more is coming out all the time.  People in the social media industry in particular are starting to be worried about that.  

[KathyBC]

snap chat is six yrs old. You tube and Facebook, over a decade. These things can change and show up fast, but they don’t vanish that fast.

 

Six yrs ago, my oldest was 16. She did not have Snapchat 9 yrs ago but when it appeared, she was prime age for problems with it.

 

 

Things have moved fast, it’s true, but they haven’t moved so fast that those of us with young adults are now totally clueless.

Well yes, that was kind of my point.

[KathyBC]

You changed your post as I was typing. I was responding to you saying that there needs to be an information campaign about these issues. I am saying that this information has been put out there for parents with various updates for new apps for as long as this sort of technology has been available. The really helpful ones are not put out by mommy bloggers of 9 year olds. They are put out by magazines like PC magazine. Online as well as in print.

Parents are not universally reading PC magazine, at least in my world. Perhaps they should be. IMO it would take an information campaign for them to find that necessary. You can take my word for it, or insist your reality is the same as everyone else's.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Parents are not universally reading PC magazine, at least in my world. Perhaps they should be. IMO it would take an information campaign for them to find that necessary. You can take my word for it, or insist your reality is the same as everyone else's.

I don’t understand why you are being so combative. It is a simple fact that there is and has been information out about this for years in everyone’s reality . It’s in parenting magazines. And on our local news during their parent information pieces. It’s on shows like Sixty Minutes (Adam Cook discusses tech and privacy). It’s not just tucked away where only computer geeks will hear about it.

 

Of course it’s not going to necessarily be on everyone’s radar if they are in a different stage of life. It’s like something like the “benefits of breastfeeding “. The information has been out there for years but you might not read that information until you have or are going to have a baby.

[Wheres Toto]

I have an Aspie son that would be seriously depressed without his online friends and interactions.   My dd with anxiety is much better at making friends in real life, but she also has online friends. We monitor closely, check everything, and set time limits by setting up other activities that need to be done first and time ranges (can be on between 4 and 7pm if school is done, not at TKD or other activity, etc).

 

Someone mentioned texting at someone's house to have them come outside.  I do that with oldest dd all the time.  She knows I'm on my way to pick her up so she has her phone close and will look when a text comes in.  Calling wouldn't be any quicker in our situation, but I'm not sure why it would in any situation unless they have the phone set to ring for calls only and not for texts.

 

Saturday we marched in a St. Patrick's Day parade.  I had responsibility for 8 kids not my own.  At the end of the parade, in all the chaos of thousands of people, in all the noise from bagpippers, Irish dancers, spectators, etc. I had to let their parents know where we were waiting for them to come get the kids.  Yes, dh did point out that we should have set something up when we saw the parents at drop-off, but as chaotic as it was anyplace we set-up could have ended up not working out.  It was great to be able to send a quick text coordinating.  Nobody would have been able to hear a phone call.  I actually didn't hear my phone ding for the text but when I took it out, I had a message so it was easy to answer back without playing phone tag.

[Jean in Newcastle]

As far as  bringing up PC magazine type articles, I was simply saying that the best source for technical information on how to set up controls or on how different apps operate, are from people who actually research this stuff.  Just like finding out things about breastfeeding might be best coming from  groups like La Leche League or a Lactation Consultant, not a mommy blogger.  (I have nothing against mommy bloggers but they aren't necessarily experts on things.) 

[SparklyUnicorn]

My parents and teachers did tell me I was reading too much, now that I think about it. Before smart phones that's what I did, read. Same arguments in some sense....it was keeping me from socializing with people, from getting enough exercise, and I might come across questionable content. 

 

 

Yeah and you know thinking about this some more, they moan(ed) about this, but they provided no other alternative either.  Is it really so nuts that people want to be busy doing something?  So...stop reading, but by the way you can't go and do anything else.  Stop whining about being bored...but oh by the way there is nothing else you are allowed to do.  Can't walk anywhere alone.  There are no places you can hang out.  You have no money...no transportation...no nothing, but stop reading so much.  Apparently staring at a wall all day is better?!

 

I cut down on my kids' device time by keeping them busy with other things.  I don't tell them to stop doing it, but figure something else out (when there is no something else). 

[SparklyUnicorn]

As far as  bringing up PC magazine type articles, I was simply saying that the best source for technical information on how to set up controls or on how different apps operate, are from people who actually research this stuff.  Just like finding out things about breastfeeding might be best coming from  groups like La Leche League or a Lactation Consultant, not a mommy blogger.  (I have nothing against mommy bloggers but they aren't necessarily experts on things.) 

 

Or do what I do. Sit down and try to break them yourself.

 

I have yet to find one I could not break.

 

And I'm no genius by any stretch.  My kids figure this stuff out faster than I do. 

 

We tried some stuff years ago and my husband finally said he didn't have a problem with not having them.  So that's what we decided. 

[ktgrok]

Yeah and you know thinking about this some more, they moan(ed) about this, but they provided no other alternative either.  Is it really so nuts that people want to be busy doing something?  So...stop reading, but by the way you can't go and do anything else.  Stop whining about being bored...but oh by the way there is nothing else you are allowed to do.  Can't walk anywhere alone.  There are no places you can hang out.  You have no money...no transportation...no nothing, but stop reading so much.  Apparently staring at a wall all day is better?!

 

I cut down on my kids' device time by keeping them busy with other things.  I don't tell them to stop doing it, but figure something else out (when there is no something else). 

 

Well, I was supposed to be outside "playing" whatever that meant. So I took the book with me and climbed a tree and read up there, lol. 

 

And yes, we've found with my son that the best way to limit his gaming was to fill his day with something else, rathe than limiting the gaming directly. It was a symptom, not the true problem. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Well, I was supposed to be outside "playing" whatever that meant. So I took the book with me and climbed a tree and read up there, lol. 

 

And yes, we've found with my son that the best way to limit his gaming was to fill his day with something else, rathe than limiting the gaming directly. It was a symptom, not the true problem. 

 

"playing" though...I mean we had a little tiny patch of grass....if that's what you mean.  And in the dead of winter you couldn't hack spending more than an hour out there with cheap Kmart winter gear...

 

I had a bike at one point..that was stolen.  Besides that I had nothing to play with.  Yes I did play various imaginative games...you know when I was like 5. 

[LucyStoner]

I think it’s incumbent on the person buying the technology to learn how it works. Choosing not to have something is fine by me. There are several devices I won’t buy and there’s no way I’m passing out phones to tiny children. By design.

 

Choosing to have something and then say they should be a public information campaign on how to use it seems odd. The AAP has been recommending that parents limit screen time for most kids for, I think, as long as my older son has been old enough for screens. The pediatrician asks about it. The little child development fact sheets that come from the state say it. There’s a wide range of available information about the issues and risks. There’s a wide range of available information about how to set tight parental controls. If someone can post on a message board, I don’t see what is stopping them from finding information in PC magazine or elsewhere.

 

I always hear about “kids can get around the controls†because they are so clever. Not without my secure password they can’t. Most parents aren’t very careful about their passwords and pin. I know someone who uses her kids birthdays. They’ll never guess that, gosh golly. 🤣

 

I’m not a computer person (I’m at best a moderately savvy power-user). I don’t have any special tricks up my sleeve. My son has been programming since he was 7 and is one of the most intellectually gifted people I’ve ever met. The only time he’s gotten around certain controls is if I have shared the password with him in a pinch for some reason and then not changed it promptly.