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Porn is not the worst thing - S/O Young Teens + Social Media


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This piece has been all over and it baffled me. A parent of a relatively young kid discovers that if she searches and follows up on the darkest tags she can think of, that the internet has lots of sca

And some of us had NO friends, close or otherwise, until we went online.   I won't ever say my kids can't spend time online because I know how important it was for my own development to finally, fin

I'm a little surprised that she thinks that this sort of behavior didn't exist prior to the internet. Kids being depressed and suicidal and bullying each other and being overly sexual at a young age?

I never insinuated any of that. And that’s not how I handle things either. I just said this is what I’ve done and it appears to have worked okay so far.

 

You didn't insinuate that you were happy with the fact that your kid didn't have friends. You flat out said it:

 

Yes, for many of my kids this meant they didn't make a lot of friends. For my oldest, he didn't really make genuine friends until he was out of high school. And really, I'm okay with that bc we did offer him lots of support and encouragement.

 

You might be okay with that, but since not having friends also affects development, I'm really not. And you talk about how it can be done and "doesn't have to be that complicated", but you don't seem to grasp that some of us don't want to do that.

 

The bottom line for me is that it does affect brain development. It just does. That’s not freaking out. It’s just acknowledging an established fact. Like car seats. Like handrails on stairs. Like bike helmets. Like lead paint.

 

Literally everything affects brain development, including such things as "the ability to read". But you didn't hold off on literacy until 15, nor even limit it to half an hour a day. (And honestly, I think claims that the internet dramatically rewires the brain are overstated and not nearly as well-supported as you apparently think.)

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What the hecken.

 

I never insinuated any of that. And that’s not how I handle things either. I just said this is what I’ve done and it appears to have worked okay so far.

 

But hey great way to close down discussion.

I didn’t think that myself, Murphy.

 

I get it that you have lotsa kids and checking up on all of them while they’re online isn’t something you havevrhe time or inclination to do. So you wait till they’re old enough to understand the ramifications of their behavior.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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You didn't insinuate that you were happy with the fact that your kid didn't have friends. You flat out said it:

Actually what I said was "genuine friends" and I stand by that. There's friends that are really just aquiantances. And then there are Friends. Lifelong people we can call and visit and always count on. And for most people, internet or not, those weren't made in high school. Those were made later. My kids are actually all social butterflies, much to my exhaustion, they aren't hidden away from the world all sad and friendless due to lack of a smartphone. Quite the opposite actually.

 

You might be okay with that, but since not having friends also affects development, I'm really not. And you talk about how it can be done and "doesn't have to be that complicated", but you don't seem to grasp that some of us don't want to do that.

Then don't. I easily grasp many if not most don't want to and I don't care. I've never said I do. That's why they have their children and I have mine. But for those who do want to monitor things more, I am allowed to say what I do and have found helpful. By all means, I have no illusions that I'm perfect or that anyone has or should do things my way for their kids.

 

Literally everything affects brain development, including such things as "the ability to read". But you didn't hold off on literacy until 15, nor even limit it to half an hour a day. (And honestly, I think claims that the internet dramatically rewires the brain are overstated and not nearly as well-supported as you apparently think.)

There's a lot of data in on brain development and the internet and electronics in general.

 

Yes, everything affects brain development. And yet, I don't have lead paint on my walls and my kids have bike helmets and my 6 year old is in a car seat. Bc not everything is a healthy affect.

 

If I saw your kids riding without a bike helmet, I wouldn't think anything of it and it's unlikely I'd comment. Because they aren't my kids. But if we were to have a discussion about bike safety, I'd say my kids wear helmets for well substantiated reasons.

 

What I do is not a statement for or against what you do.

 

Take it or leave it as you want.

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And some of us had NO friends, close or otherwise, until we went online.

 

I won't ever say my kids can't spend time online because I know how important it was for my own development to finally, finally, finally be able to make friends.

 

My BIL wouldn't have made a friend or found someone to marry without the internet.  That's just the long and short of it.  

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One point I wanted to address and make others aware of: even when disabling Safari, savvy kids can still access the internet from an iPhone. Certain apps can connect to the internet, and there is a backdoor route through advertising in settings. If the phone has a data plan, or is connected to WiFi, disabling Safari doesn’t necessarily eliminate internet access.

 

They can also download another mobile web browser.  I know someone who deleted Safari because of this article but was dismissive of needing to check all the apps of the apps her kids download.  Because that's too time-consuming.  Yanno, if they can download any game they can also download Chrome for iOS.  Some people are just not very bright in thinking these things through.  

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This piece has been all over and it baffled me. A parent of a relatively young kid discovers that if she searches and follows up on the darkest tags she can think of, that the internet has lots of scary stuff. Duh. Just in case she hasn't worked herself up over it enough, she watches a guy masturbate on a live feed to make sure she's really disturbed. Then she freeform rants about it and basically tells everyone, panic, right now, panic. Then her suggestion is - not just limit the internet, not just put parental controls on it, not just keep your kids off social media, not just don't let them have data on their smart phones or make sure they have only dumb phones if they even need them at all, but delete the whole internet from all your child's devices.

 

Is this a parody piece? I mean, why does anyone but the biggest Luddites think this is reasonable or practical?

 

Seriously, I'm not against limits. And there's plenty to be concerned about. But a lot of the stuff that the studies are showing that is the insidiously worst stuff about social media for kids she doesn't even touch on - like how the more they check it, the more anxious they are. Or how focus drops when you have your smartphone just in the room with you in class, not even out. Even for the p*rn issues, she doesn't get into the studies about how it's rewiring kids brains - she just panics. Which, okay, I get it, it's scary. But it's also not practical or informative, so why is one mom's panic so popular (no less than half a dozen people I know have shared this thing) when it isn't accompanied by decent writing, organization, or practical suggestions?

 

She never once talks about talking to her kids about these dangers. That's the biggest red flag for me on the practicality of this piece. You have to talk to kids about this stuff. You have to tell them that it's dangerous and do education about it. You can't just say no and delete the web browser. And it has to be a balance between the need for the benefits of the internet - I mean, no internet? seriously? delete Safari entirely? for us that would mean never look things up online, don't use online classes, don't use online learning tools like Khan, don't watch Youtube videos for school like Crash Course, don't check your bus route or your movie time or your class schedule - or, I guess, make Mom do it for you? I just... you can control a 9 yo this way, I guess. But a teenager? My kids aren't even that old and they go places on their own, they text their friends and meet up with them. I don't want to take any of that away from them. I think she has no clue how to deal with an older tween or teen with this stuff at all.

All true, and I agree, but I give the author props for her hilarious observation that even our President can’t control hmself online and “he’s a stable genius.†🤣🤣🤣

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Yes, the optimism, that if she does it right her kid can avoid these things, is a common theme of bloggers who have yet to run the gauntlet of parenting kids all the way to adulthood.

That said, this is a salient point:

 

 

What you quoted from the article is a powerful description of what social media can do to some young people if there are no boundaries - and even with parental guidance (we can't be anywhere and see everything) it can get rough.

 

I agree with those who said having a few neighborhood / school friends is much better than accumulating 300+ friends on FB who contribute to disseminate every thought and utterance or post of a person. 

Since young people (and even older ones ;)) often use social media instead of confiding in a friend or parent when they are grappling with an issue, this moment in time is forever captured online and exposes them to continued ridicule.

 

I intensely dislike FB and one of the main reasons is the structure and the lack of ability to truly delete a previous post or pictures.

I have heard of others like Snapchat, etc but don't know enough about them to say if they are any better or not.

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I should have said that the reason we limit internet access is actually not because there are horrid things out there: we know that there are, the boys know that there are; we talk a lot about it, but we don't put technological limits on their viewing.

 

The reason we limit it is the same reason that my parents limited TV time when I was a child: TV/Internet are not the only things in the world and we wanted to keep space for other kinds of thought/activity.

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If you two wanted to post some links to this easily available information, to people of all income levels who may not have apple products, that would be helpful.

 

MM guardian is a good parental control app for phones.

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Literally everything affects brain development, including such things as "the ability to read". But you didn't hold off on literacy until 15, nor even limit it to half an hour a day. (And honestly, I think claims that the internet dramatically rewires the brain are overstated and not nearly as well-supported as you apparently think.)

 

 

There is an accumulating amount of peer reviewed studies that support a different brain wiring / neuronal connections/ ACC development / Amygdala stim that can result from overload. Overload can and has occurred from TV as well before other devices hit the market but now we have devices constantly available and they go with us wherever we go. Every moment of the day/night we can "connect." Young people typically don't have the self regulation necessary to balance this - we find many adults don't either. With the current technology - as helpful as it is - I find myself having to consciously disconnect and take walks without a cell phone and carve out time away from it because so much of work related communication (not just personal) is centered around a screen. 

 

So, yes I think there is plenty of well supported evidence that warns us about brain wiring and shifting attention spans, ability of concentrate as well as changes in the morphology of deeper brain structures as I mentioned above. I find this worthy of contemplation.

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I was once yelled at in a group for saying that I don't let my younger son watch YouTube videos without me present.  Part of it is to limit the amount of time he is watching, part of it is to verify the content is benign and part of it is so I can discuss the content if necessary.  Some Minecraft videos, for instance, have crazy political and gender rants.  I was yelled at by both people who banned YouTube (because how dare I let my kid watch YOUTUBE) and by people who allow it but think the kids filter works (because how dare I imply that parents have to spend time screening what their child is consuming media wise.) 

 

I feel like there is a middle way that is too often ignored. 

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If you two wanted to post some links to this easily available information, to people of all income levels who may not have apple products, that would be helpful.

 

https://goatcloud.com/2012/04/30/how-parents-can-monitor-texting-and-online-activities/

 

http://time.com/3663811/7-ways-to-monitor-your-kids-phone-tablet-and-laptop/

 

These are generic articles with some suggestions to apps.  No one can tell you more specifically without knowing the specific devices that you have (including which version they are).  A simple google of "How do I ________________" has taught me so much and taken me to sites that give me step by step instructions. 

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Black and white thinking with no grey scale doesn't acknowledge that there are degrees of involvement and usage of devices.  There are degrees of how big a "friend circle" is.  Even in homes that have not set bans. 

 

 

Yup. The internet is not likely to go away. Teaching ourselves and our kids to use it responsibly and to our advantage is the key. I am not saying it's easy and it varies from kid to kid and adult to adult.

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If you two wanted to post some links to this easily available information, to people of all income levels who may not have apple products, that would be helpful.

 

I think you'll get the best results if you search up your specific devices/platforms you have along with the phrase "parental control" or "parental control software." You can also add in the term "free". Just a search for "best free parental control software" turned up about half a dozen articles for me on the first page of results reviewing multiple options on multiple platforms, including ones from recognizable named tech sites like PCMag, and most of them from within the last year. Of course, it also turned up a lot of ads for different software companies making this stuff, but it wasn't too hard to sort through.

 

The best things you can do though are relatively simple, I think, and doesn't have to be high tech. Depending on how much control you feel you need to have and what devices your kids have and where they go with them, some good tips are things like...

* don't allow devices outside of public areas of the house

* don't allow devices in rooms after a certain time in the afternoon/evening

* only get an old fashioned flip phone (warning - we had trouble finding one that consistently worked - they were mostly duds these days, but if it's a value important to you, you can totally still do this, they just apparently cost more than you expect, I think)

* keep all the passwords for all the devices - if you don't want them buying apps, don't give them your id to buy them, if you don't want them getting on the device without direct permission, set a password or passcode and don't let them see you enter it

* keep the wifi in a central place and turn it off when you don't want anyone online

* look at their devices, look at their browser histories, look at their apps, read their texts, friend them on social media if you let them on

 

And then just know basic things like...

* deleting one internet browser won't stop your kid from accessing the internet other ways

* the popular app is always going to be changing

* if your child has a device without data, they can still get on wifi and there's a ton of free public wifi these days

* kids know how to clear their browser histories

* kids know how to make dummy profiles on social media for parents to monitor while they make a different profile elsewhere

* your kids' friends may have very different rules about screens and online limits and may expose them to other stuff no matter how good your controls are

 

I don't do all of those things, but they're all relatively simple things that work on multiple platforms. I mean, saying you can only have the computer and tablet in the den and kitchen is a clear limit that, if broken, you can have a consequence for. Is that enough if your kid has a real screen addiction or a problem? No, but it's a basic start for a family. I personally don't feel comfortable doing a really close level of monitoring after a certain age - I think older teens deserve some privacy. Actually, I think all kids deserve some privacy, but the amount changes and it's totally on you to decide where the lines are.

 

In the article, the implication is that she deletes her kid's internet browser and then lets her run free with the apps she has picked out. Everyone has their own limits and rules and specific concerns, but even "good" apps are screen time that can get out of hand. 

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I was once yelled at in a group for saying that I don't let my younger son watch YouTube videos without me present.  Part of it is to limit the amount of time he is watching, part of it is to verify the content is benign and part of it is so I can discuss the content if necessary.  Some Minecraft videos, for instance, have crazy political and gender rants.  I was yelled at by both people who banned YouTube (because how dare I let my kid watch YOUTUBE) and by people who allow it but think the kids filter works (because how dare I imply that parents have to spend time screening what their child is consuming media wise.) 

 

I feel like there is a middle way that is too often ignored. 

 

I agree that the middle way is often ignored in these discussions.  I personally think that this is another one of those parenting things that is so dependent on the specific children and their circumstances.  I'm a "most things in moderation" type of person and this subject is no different.  I see technology and SM specifically as tools.  If the tools help us, then they are good and are helpful.  If they hurt us then they aren't.  But different people need different tools.  And different people use those tools differently.  (Tools can be used for entertainment as well as for more pragmatic reasons.)  Some people need limits set for them.  Some don't.  Some people have physical reactions to things that others seem to have no reaction to.  Some need to learn how to use things "responsibly".  Some seem to just naturally intuit how to use them "responsibly".  (Responsibly is in quotes because different people will have different definitions of what that looks like.)  I could apply the above to a whole bunch of other interests and pursuits as well. 

 

My kids use SM for communication, learning, buying and selling (Dd has a laptop up for sale right now), school (we've done some surveys and group projects using SM) and entertainment.  It is one fraction of their life.  Sometimes it is a higher fraction of a day.  Sometimes less.  (Just like some days I'm on here more and sometimes less.)  

Edited by Jean in Newcastle
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I don’t know. Parental involvement doesn’t seem to be enough for a whole lot of kids out there. It’s easy to say this stuff can’t happen to us because “parental involvement†but there’s many kids suffering despite their very involved parents.

 

Kids make horrible mistakes and get in way over their heads quickly and even the ones that are very close to their parents still don’t go to their parents. This stuff isn’t happening bc all the parents aren’t involved.

I agree wholeheartedly with you. To each their own but having the privilege of sitting day in day out with teens in counseling who tell me things they never share with their parents and all of the parents sound just like normal parents who have talked to their kids about dangers and so forth...yet kids are not adults. They just aren't. They grow up in a culture that orbits around them espousing that they are so smart, they are the future, parents are out dated....etc. of course they trust their judgment and friends judgment.

 

I constantly wish I didn't know what I know about what is going on in the lives of modern teens.

 

I do understand and feel for those who didn't have friends until the Internet and I will say, that was never me. However, I am fine spending my time driving my kids to their IRL friends until I feel their frontal cortex can handle the Internet.

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I do understand and feel for those who didn't have friends until the Internet and I will say, that was never me. However, I am fine spending my time driving my kids to their IRL friends until I feel their frontal cortex can handle the Internet.

 

I'm happy to drive my kids too. I like that they have IRL friends. But as young teens, they don't want me to make "playdates" anymore. They want to make their own plans and choose their own friends. And that's super appropriate. Without any access to text, they would be almost totally closed out of that world. The world of IRL friends. As I see it, them having phones - even if they have dumb phones (ds's is so old it refuses to run anything but super old apps so it may as well be dumb) is what allows them to access to IRL friends.

 

They're also starting high school and I simply can't teach everything anymore. I'm so lucky that they can take online classes. I just don't buy that the internet is overall hurting them.

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Depends on the kid. 

 

Some kids do NEED online friends, to have a social life at all. My ASD kid has more friends online than in person. As an adult I need my online friends. It may be an introvert thing. It may be an ASD thing. I don't know. I do know that for my son, being online means NO ONE has body language cues, which levels the playing field for him, since he's bad at them anyway. I of course make sure he gets in person socializing time, but some of his best friends are online, and live around the world. 

 

That said, I do think the 24/7 thing is a real issue, and should be addressed with phone time outs, limited hours on the phone, etc. Even for myself I sometimes set up an app that regulates the hours social media is available on my own phone, and have similar time based parameters set up for my son's phone and internet. 

 

And you have to know your kid. Mine is not the type to be upset by online bullies. He doesn't care enough, lol. A more sensitive child I'd be more concerned. 

 

yep...I totally get this

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I agree wholeheartedly with you. To each their own but having the privilege of sitting day in day out with teens in counseling who tell me things they never share with their parents and all of the parents sound just like normal parents who have talked to their kids about dangers and so forth...yet kids are not adults. They just aren't. They grow up in a culture that orbits around them espousing that they are so smart, they are the future, parents are out dated....etc. of course they trust their judgment and friends judgment.

 

I constantly wish I didn't know what I know about what is going on in the lives of modern teens.

 

I do understand and feel for those who didn't have friends until the Internet and I will say, that was never me. However, I am fine spending my time driving my kids to their IRL friends until I feel their frontal cortex can handle the Internet.

And how horrible it must be for them and their parents to somehow feel shame it’s bc they weren’t smart enough or involved enough. To make this about character development and good parenting just heaps coals while solving nothing. And there’s so much evidence that those aren’t the root problems. Edited by Murphy101
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I do understand and feel for those who didn't have friends until the Internet and I will say, that was never me. However, I am fine spending my time driving my kids to their IRL friends until I feel their frontal cortex can handle the Internet.

 

Yeahhh...because that is the difference between friends and no friends.  Whether or not someone has a parent who will drive them places.

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Yeahhh...because that is the difference between friends and no friends. Whether or not someone has a parent who will drive them places.

Yes. *Sometimes* it really is.

 

You’d be surprised how often this really is a problem.

Edited by Murphy101
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I agree wholeheartedly with you. To each their own but having the privilege of sitting day in day out with teens in counseling who tell me things they never share with their parents and all of the parents sound just like normal parents who have talked to their kids about dangers and so forth...yet kids are not adults. They just aren't. They grow up in a culture that orbits around them espousing that they are so smart, they are the future, parents are out dated....etc. of course they trust their judgment and friends judgment.

 

I constantly wish I didn't know what I know about what is going on in the lives of modern teens.

 

I do understand and feel for those who didn't have friends until the Internet and I will say, that was never me. However, I am fine spending my time driving my kids to their IRL friends until I feel their frontal cortex can handle the Internet.

False dichotomy. There is a whole spectrum between “only friends on the internet “ and “only friends in real lifeâ€. I personally think that it is more important to teach our kids to think things through with more nuanced critical thinking skills. And to model that.

 

Of course kids might make mistakes along the way regarding SM just like they do everything else. It isn’t the end of the world but is actually part of life learning. And of course adults might want to monitor and guide them on that path. That’s part of parenting.

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And how horrible it must be for them and their parents to somehow feel shame it’s bc they weren’t smart enough or involved enough. To make this about character development and good parenting just heaps coals while solving nothing. And there’s so much evidence that those aren’t the root problems.

I don't think that's what I was trying to do. For me and most of our generation though that's all we've got. Many of the kids in private schools have devices for school. We can't stop the tech existing all we can do is be present and engaged with our kids when using it.

 

I and my dh grew up as the last of the pre Internet/ device generation and honestly going from zero to untrammelled access as an adult has its issues.

 

To be clear it's not about blaming parents whose kids did go wrong. It's just that for many of us going all out tech free is not realistic so we need to find mindsets and ways to help us manage it.

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My son uses his smartphone primarily to contact people that he knows from school and "real life".  His schedule and that of his best friend don't line up very well.  His best friend goes to a different school and they can only really get together maybe every other week or so.  Sometimes, there are long stretches where his friend is asking to get together and he's asking to get together but there's not overlapping free time.  

 

I reject the idea that the internet and social media aren't parts of real life.  

Edited by LucyStoner
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Yes. *Sometimes* it really is.

 

You’d be surprised how often this really is a problem.

 

And how would you know how often this is really a problem?  Speculation?  You happen to know 1000 people who have kids who don't have friends because their parents refuse to drive them places?

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My son uses his smartphone primarily to contact people that he knows from school and "real life".  His schedule and that of his best friend don't line up very well.  His best friend goes to a different school and they can only really get together maybe every other week or so.  Sometimes, there are long stretches where his friend is asking to get together and he's asking to get together but there's not overlapping free time.  

 

I reject the idea that the internet and social media aren't parts of real life.  

 

I can't believe I've been talking to you all these years.  I thought you were real. 

 

Damn...

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I actually find this all really interesting. I am 36; some of my best friendships were made on AIM(the now defunct AOL instant messenger). It was people i knew IRL, but we became friends talking on AIM. This was high school and college; MySpace and Facebook eventually took over that internet function.

It was simply how people talked. I don’t see it as any different than the hours my parents spent on the phone together as teenagers, even on a party line, something that annoyed their parents.

My great grandmother, born in 1912, told me stories of her teenage years dating my great grandpa in his car, something that her parents were positive would lead to her ruin.

 

I don’t see the internet as any different. Of course screens are wiring people’s developing brand differently. I bet cars vs walking everywhere did, too. Humanity adapts. The world is tech now, even the teenage years and earlier. Teenagers I see are living their lives online and on text; I truly believe a teen who had none of that would miss out on siginificant relationship developing. People don’t call each other anymore—we don’t even have a landline and only make phone calls in emergencies. Even my grandmother has a Facebook and has learned to text. I will monitor my kids online just like I would if they hung out at the mall(which nobody seems to do anymore here either). Are there dangerous parts? Absolutely, just like they could be kidnapped at the mall. Can they do dumb things? Sure, and they probably will. Will we talk about being smart and making good choices and how things last forever? Yes. But the world has changed, as it always does, and I’m sure in five year when my oldest becomes a teen there will be something new to worry about. But I don’t think restricting completely is wise, and allowing access to build friendships is important.

Edited by MedicMom
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Yes. *Sometimes* it really is.

 

You’d be surprised how often this really is a problem.

In the dark ages before any internet, call waiting, or caller Id, I had friends whose parents wouldn't drive them places. Wouldn't and/ or couldn't. Rural area, one car, mom didn't drive. Kids rode the school bus. They were limited. As a teen I drove them.

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And how would you know how often this is really a problem? Speculation? You happen to know 1000 people who have kids who don't have friends because their parents refuse to drive them places?

*eyeroll*. Did I say anything like that? Nope. But yes. There’s some parents can’t or won’t help their kids make friends by helping them get to where friends are. My parents were like that. I’ve met others that way too. If the kid needs a ride - too bad for them.

 

It’s no surprise some parents are like that.

Edited by Murphy101
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In the dark ages before any internet, call waiting, or caller Id, I had friends whose parents wouldn't drive them places. Wouldn't and/ or couldn't. Rural area, one car, mom didn't drive. Kids rode the school bus. They were limited. As a teen I drove them.

Right. And now there is still that and I’ve met many (certainly not a scientific data analysis number) people who feel that since their kid is wired, they do not need to take them to irl friends.

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I don't know parents like that.  Well, my parents were somewhat like that, but "back in the day" parents often didn't see it as their job to deal with such stuff.

 

It just hits a nerve for me because pretty much everything I do IS for my  kids, including driving them around constantly, and they aren't exactly flourishing in the friend department (neither am I truth be told).  But we all have many friends on-line.  Why this is, I am not entirely sure.  But for sure it's not for lack of trying or because I refuse to drive them places.

 

 

Edited by SparklyUnicorn
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I don't know parents like that. Well, my parents were somewhat like that, but "back in the day" parents often didn't see it as their job to deal with such stuff.

 

It just hits a nerve for me because pretty much everything I do IS for my kids, including driving them around constantly, and they aren't exactly flourishing in the friend department (neither am I truth be told). But we all have many friends on-line. Why this is, I am not entirely sure. But for sure it's not for lack of trying or because I refuse to drive them places.

Been there and doing/done that. I think some of it is unrealistic expectations? Idk. I never expected to have lots of friends as a kid. And as an adult my qualifiers for friend seems higher than most. It’s taken me 40 something years to cultivate 4 close friendships. People seem to call everyone friend but most seem to be more friendly than actual friends? Idk.

 

I’m not targeting anyone in this thread or even elsewhere. I’m just saying my experience. So far. 23 years into parenting young people and I’ve still got another 17 or so to go. They all throw me for different loops and lessons. Who knows what all is ahead of me.

Edited by Murphy101
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 I personally don't feel comfortable doing a really close level of monitoring after a certain age - I think older teens deserve some privacy. Actually, I think all kids deserve some privacy, but the amount changes and it's totally on you to decide where the lines are.

 

 

 

This is a really important distinction that often seems to get missed - there is a really big difference between even 13 and 15.

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This is a really important distinction that often seems to get missed - there is a really big difference between even 13 and 15.

 

Yeah, it's part of what made me uncomfortable about the article... like, I don't think just because you have an older kid you know everything - this stuff is so in flux. It's a different landscape now than just five years ago. But also, the author of this piece has a pretty young kid - I think she was 9? She should be keeping her off all social media. She really probably doesn't need a smart phone. It changes.

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This is a really important distinction that often seems to get missed - there is a really big difference between even 13 and 15.

Gov and police bodies often recommend waiting till 14 for social media where I am. Though I have no idea why they pick that age.

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It's interesting to discuss the evil Internet on the evil Internet.

 

:laugh:

I've seen this comment a few times now. There is a book, somewhat popular on this forum, titled "How to Read a Book". Counselling can essentially be long conversations about how to talk to each other.

It's really not that different, is it?

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*eyeroll*. Did I say anything like that? Nope. But yes. There’s some parents can’t or won’t help their kids make friends by helping them get to where friends are. My parents were like that. I’ve met others that way too. If the kid needs a ride - too bad for them.

 

It’s no surprise some parents are like that.

 

I was the "late baby" born 10 years after my brother and sister.  My mom was "done" and made it very clear she was not carting me around anywhere.  I was so embarrassed to keep asking for rides that I pretty much just stopped.  It was extremely isolating.

 

And yes, today, I have heard some parents say they are so glad their kid is online all the time because at least they don't have to chauffer them all over the place.  Really.  Selfish parents have been and always will be.

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I didn't get from the article "Panic because there are bad things on the internet!"  There are lots of parents that are pretty clueless honestly.  I've known parents who think porn on the internet is like porn they saw in the grandfather's Playboy (in other words "no big deal")  And other parents who think yes, that porn is all they have to worry about...because some of us don't have the *imagination* to encompass all the truly disgusting and harmful things that are out there.

 

It's not wrong to wake up anyone who might not fully understand.  But hopefully the effect will not be deleting one app and then moving on.  It should be to raise enough concern that actual and ongoing time should be invested in a combination of addressing, talking, and safeguarding.

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I've seen this comment a few times now. There is a book, somewhat popular on this forum, titled "How to Read a Book". Counselling can essentially be long conversations about how to talk to each other.

It's really not that different, is it?

 

It's different in my mind. 

 

Someone once ranted about how uncool it was that people were spending such and such special day wasting their time on the Internet.  i just thought...sooo aren't you doing the same?  As a kid, I remember living in fear of being seen at an uncool store.  Looking back I realize how stupid that was because if someone saw me at the uncool store THEY were also at the uncool store.

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