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What is the craziest thing you have found yourself teaching your children?


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I was mentioning to dh just the other day how hilarious it is the things you actually have to teach your kids kwim? Like your butt is itchy because there is still poop and you need to be wiped better. I mean, who actually remembers being taught these things?? I don't but I'm sure my mom had to teach me too. Also, trying to explain to my 2 year old why we can't wipe our bottom then our pee pee. It is not sinking in.

 

Perhaps it was because my mom was a nurse. But I remember her constantly talking about things such as that. 

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No offense intended to you or your DH, but I made a very big deal out of teaching DS the following:

 

1.  If you can't find the courage to talk to your partner about sex, you aren't ready to have sex.

2.  If you can't find the courage to buy condoms, you aren't ready to have sex.

3.  If you can't find the courage to talk to your doctor (male or female) about sex, you aren't ready to have sex.

 

I was the one insisting on using them in addition to my own birth control. He would've just as soon not used them but at the time I really felt strongly about doubling up to minimize the chances of an unplanned pregnancy.

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My kid was tasked with writing word problems. Evidently, she couldn't think of very many products you'd purchase by the gram. I had to explain to her that you will not be able to purchase 80 grams of heroin for $5. I had to google this information. I'm sure I'm on a watchlist now, but it was important that she get it right.

 

This is hilarious.  I would imagine that would be educational.

 

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My kid was tasked with writing word problems. Evidently, she couldn't think of very many products you'd purchase by the gram. I had to explain to her that you will not be able to purchase 80 grams of heroin for $5. I had to google this information. I'm sure I'm on a watchlist now, but it was important that she get it right.

 

Ha! Love It.

 

If she goes to grad school for public health this will come in handy. In grad school I learned by observation that every time we paid a crack addict $20 to be in our study they would leave the office and buy two rocks of crack and 3 tacos for 99 cents at Taco Bell. They had a plan. :) We would watch them out the window. It was fascinating in multiple ways including seeing tax dollars at work. ;) I’m guessing with inflation they can only get 1.5 rocks now.

 

Edited because spell check doesn’t care for the phrase “rocks of crackâ€

Edited by texasmom33
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I've spent a fairly large portion of my life telling children, either my own or at the preschool to "Please keep your tongue to yourself."  Other variations include:  "We don't lick our friends," "Don't lick the wall," "Please don't bite the chair," "Teeth are for biting food, not friends," etc.  And honestly, my youngest was so oral that we just kept the pacifier in her mouth in public till she was around four because it was easier than keeping her from licking everything in sight. 

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Last week we worked on spitballs. Yep. Chewed paper through a straw. Then we expanded and went with paper towel rolls and larger wads of paper wet with water. Those were much harder. There has been much lamenting that we no longer have any empty wrapping paper rolls in the house. (That’s probably for the best, at this point.)

Edited by Spryte
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I taught my daughter about tampons and other personal products by getting several different kinds and letting her measure how much water they absorbed. It made her much more comfortable about using the products and led to other great conversations. 

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I tried to teach my kids to transfer ink to silly putty. This is how I learned that newsprint is MUCH less trasnferrable these days. They were not impressed.

 

ETA: The next day I had to tell my son he could never, ever, sleep with his silly putty.

Edited by KungFuPanda
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Am I the only person who has never asked another person to buy my feminine hygiene products?

Probably not. However, my dh has purchased them for me. He doesn't understand why any guy has a problem with it. He says it is obvious they are not for him so why should he care.

 

Although, I do recall back in the day before cell phones had a camera that I sent him to the store and he calls me saying he doesn't see the brand I want. So I asked him what was on the shelf. His answer: depends, poise. I stopped him and told him he was the wrong aisle. He needed to go over one.

 

Things I never thought I had to say yet found myself saying. "You don't take pictures of your business and send it to people who didn't ask to see your business." After the recent developments of famous people's inappropriate work behavior I added "Never show your business to anyone who has not said the words "I want to see your business. Show me your business." If no one says this keep your business in your pants.

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Things I never thought I had to say yet found myself saying. "You don't take pictures of your business and send it to people who didn't ask to see your business.".

I was sure after reading this sentence business referred to poo in a toilet.

 

 

 

After the recent developments of famous people's inappropriate work behavior .

Now I started wondering what famous people were caught sending pictures of their poo to people?

 

I know that Martin Luthor would often write people long descriptive letters about his poo, I’m sure that if camera were around them he would have also sent photographs. But other than him, I couldn’t think of another famous person know for spreading around information about their poo.

 

I added "Never show your business to anyone who has not said the words "I want to see your business. Show me your business." If no one says this keep your business in your pants.

Still took me a minute after reading this to know what you were talking about. Edited by Julie Smith
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I've never asked, but Dh has come home with them a couple of times anyway.

 

Fortunately I'm not picky!

Inquiring minds want to know what would motivate a man to buy these own his own initiative. What was he thinking? "hmmm... I think dw is bleeding pretty heavy today. Maybe she would like to try a new brand."

 

I've spent a fairly large portion of my life telling children, either my own or at the preschool to "Please keep your tongue to yourself."  Other variations include:  "We don't lick our friends," "Don't lick the wall," "Please don't bite the chair," "Teeth are for biting food, not friends," etc.  And honestly, my youngest was so oral that we just kept the pacifier in her mouth in public till she was around four because it was easier than keeping her from licking everything in sight. 

 

How about...

Don't lick the bus seats :ack2:

Don't crawl on the floor in public/rest area bathrooms :ack2: :ack2: :ack2:

Sometimes I'm surprised that my dc are still alive.

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I was the one insisting on using them in addition to my own birth control. He would've just as soon not used them but at the time I really felt strongly about doubling up to minimize the chances of an unplanned pregnancy.

 

I nominate you to teach sex ed.  Oh how I wish more people understood the math behind failure rates and always doubled up.

 

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I nominate you to teach sex ed.  Oh how I wish more people understood the math behind failure rates and always doubled up.

 

 

Tagging onto this, for anybody who is unsure: Doubling up means using two methods. It does not mean using two condoms. Using two condoms increases the risk of failure.

 

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At school, we are finishing up a unit on fractions.  I find that I use a lot of food metaphors when I teach fractions.  I'm constantly drawing pizzas and donuts and Brussel sprouts on the board and talking about cutting and sharing them.

 

I have a couple kids in my class who like to interrupt me and tell me why they can't eat the food I drew.  It's not Jenny Craig approved, or it has gluten, or they tried it once eight years ago and they think they might be allergic, or it's simply gross. 

 

The other day, I lost it a little and gave my kids a brief lecture during which I told them that NOBODY is allergic to imaginary food drawn on the white board.  It's not possible.  Imaginary food has no calories, so it's on the Jenny Craig "unlimited food list".  It never has gluten.  And even if you don't like real Brussel sprouts, you should try the imaginary ones because they taste much better!  Apparently it worked, because now if I draw a donut on the board, my kid with celiac says happily "and it's gluten free!" 

 

I know I'm not the only one who finds themselves teaching their kids weird things. What have you taught your kids (students or offspring) recently? 

 

Warning: You may grow to tolerate, nay, even love Brussels sprouts. I would rather have Brussels sprouts than roses. One day DH brought home both. I felt so loved!  :001_wub:

 

I regret the decades I spent NOT eating Brussels sprouts! 

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“Don’t eat like a puppy!†Most repeated sentence for some time.

I think I said, "You're not a beaver, quit gnawing crackers like one!" six times today. Ritz cracker "glitter" all over the dang place. I swear it's still falling from their eyelashes.

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I taught my daughter about tampons and other personal products by getting several different kinds and letting her measure how much water they absorbed. It made her much more comfortable about using the products and led to other great conversations.

I tried to demonstrate how a tampon worked to my daughter by dropping one in a glass of water. You know- like the commercial in the 80’s. What I did not realize was that this particular type of Tampax immediately exploded to practically fill the glass. Dd was horrified. I’m pretty sure she’ll be terrified of tampons until she’s 30. I kept saying “ It not really that extreme!!†But I don’t think she believed me.

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I tried to demonstrate how a tampon worked to my daughter by dropping one in a glass of water. You know- like the commercial in the 80’s. What I did not realize was that this particular type of Tampax immediately exploded to practically fill the glass. Dd was horrified. I’m pretty sure she’ll be terrified of tampons until she’s 30. I kept saying “ It not really that extreme!!†But I don’t think she believed me.

OMG, lol. I'm glad I saw this. I saw the other post and thought: what a neat demonstration.

 

But now I think I should test-run it first. :p I don't want to scar DD for life!

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I nominate you to teach sex ed.  Oh how I wish more people understood the math behind failure rates and always doubled up.

 

 

Although, I have a friend who after three children, started using birth control pills to regulate her cycle, had her husband get a vasectomy, AND they used condoms, because she was paranoid.  Even though he'd gone to all the checks and was cleared.  Except I'm not sure it can be called paranoia if you are always, always using three methods and you still get pregnant.  With twins. 

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I recently had to teach college age DD that not all alcohol has the same potency.  That a solo cup of vodka is in fact not the same as a solo cup of beer.   :confused1:

 

We covered the difference between marijuana and heroin in middle school, but somehow skipped alcohol. 

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I nominate you to teach sex ed.  Oh how I wish more people understood the math behind failure rates and always doubled up.

 

 

This is some dead serious stuff!  All these "if you only miss one pill, and it's been seven days" yada yada.... NO.  Any missed pill equals two forms of protection!  And that was me being happily married.  If I had been single, two forms, EVERY TIME.

 

We were always asked how we made it to 13 years before we got pregnant with DD (by choice).  Apparently taking it seriously is not very common.

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I tried to demonstrate how a tampon worked to my daughter by dropping one in a glass of water. You know- like the commercial in the 80’s. What I did not realize was that this particular type of Tampax immediately exploded to practically fill the glass. Dd was horrified. I’m pretty sure she’ll be terrified of tampons until she’s 30. I kept saying “ It not really that extreme!!†But I don’t think she believed me.

I laughed so hard at this that my husband came in from the other room to ask if I was crying or laughing. If that was my first interaction with a tampon I don't know if I'd ever put one in a delicate place either!!

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Although, I have a friend who after three children, started using birth control pills to regulate her cycle, had her husband get a vasectomy, AND they used condoms, because she was paranoid.  Even though he'd gone to all the checks and was cleared.  Except I'm not sure it can be called paranoia if you are always, always using three methods and you still get pregnant.  With twins. 

 

Yes, but that's a different matter entirely and something that would be terrible to point out in a sex ed class with hormone crazed teens and young 20 somethings.  Yes, exceptions happen, but the rate at which couples using one method carefully still manage to conceive is FAR higher than most people think. 

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Well my son and I took coupons to the store and bought feminine products for a donation drive. I'm pretty sure my 9 yr old son knows more about females having a cycle than I did at his age. I don't know if I should feel badly about that or not. Dh has bought me nursing bras and feminine hygiene stuff before. He said he got some looks in the ladies' dept (LOL). I think that's the real issue here... having to do it around other people more so than the cashier. I have a feeling my son will be laid back about that stuff if he ever has to shop for another woman.

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Inquiring minds want to know what would motivate a man to buy these own his own initiative. What was he thinking? "hmmm... I think dw is bleeding pretty heavy today. Maybe she would like to try a new brand."

 

 

 

I think he was just in "stocking up on basics" mode and figured those were things we wouldn't want to run out of.

 

Along with diapers and toilet paper.

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Yeah we once had a discussion about this here on the boards.  Some others report the same thing with certain brands and if I recall correctly Always was one of the biggest offenders.

 

I had a problem with an Always brand (and I don't remember liking Infinity for some reason?). Anyway, I've started buying another brand and I'm glad I switched (Stayfree). Up until recently I don't think I'd ever used Stayfree.

 

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I laughed so hard at this that my husband came in from the other room to ask if I was crying or laughing. If that was my first interaction with a tampon I don't know if I'd ever put one in a delicate place either!!

It was mine. I was in 6th grade sex ed (and my 6th grade teacher was a guy so I was dumped into some class with women teachers I didn't know and was uncomfortable with already) and they put a tampon in a cup of water then picked up the cup with the string after it expanded. I was HORRIFIED... I think I was 17 before I used a tampon.

 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

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I was sure after reading this sentence business referred to poo in a toilet.

 

 

 

Now I started wondering what famous people were caught sending pictures of their poo to people?

 

I know that Martin Luthor would often write people long descriptive letters about his poo, I’m sure that if camera were around them he would have also sent photographs. But other than him, I couldn’t think of another famous person know for spreading around information about their poo.

 

Still took me a minute after reading this to know what you were talking about.

Lol. Shouldn't be sending pictures of your poo either. Unless the specifically say they want to see a pic of your handiwork.

 

Referring to one's private parts as "your business" in public is just how generations of my family say it. In case you were worried my kids learned the proper names for all their parts. When dd was a toddler she loved to tell her daycare teachers that so and so was a boy because he has a penis and so and so is a girl because she has a vulva. I was mortified and the teacher was impressed that she knew the correct terminology.

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Am I the only person who has never asked another person to buy my feminine hygiene products?

My son at about 14-15 willingly biked to target to buy me a manual breast pump when I got flattened by mastitis. I've never really forgotten how brave and mature that was of him. Now we are quite open around here and he is both the oldest of 9 siblings home born and nursed to toddlerhood and the son of a homebirth midwife but still. A teen boy buying a breast pump had to be somewhat a curious thing to the clerk :)

Edited by busymama7
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To get sort of back on the original subject, I had to teach a child this evening that just because you have a book character on your underpants does not mean you can show it off at the library. Really thought that was a given, but apparently there's a gray area we needed to clarify.

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To get sort of back on the original subject, I had to teach a child this evening that just because you have a book character on your underpants does not mean you can show it off at the library. Really thought that was a given, but apparently there's a gray area we needed to clarify.

 

But the librarian loves book characters.  Surely s/he'll want to see it!

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I have taught several children how to untangle lambs. As in, follow the foot up, if the joint goes THIS way, you have a front leg. Find the other and gently start to pull. Make sure the head comes along with the feet. If you have one front and one back, you have to shove the lamb BACK in, find the other front, turn the lamb and then pull. The second lamb is almost always breech. Once you start to pull a breech lamb, you need to move quickly as the cord is probably already compromised. If the head gets stuck, pull the lamb down towards the mom's hocks, then slightly rotate. Make sure the lamb doesn't tip his head up. And if it's a small lamb, you probably have twins, or triplets! Ah, the things I've done for my kids...

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I have taught several children how to untangle lambs. As in, follow the foot up, if the joint goes THIS way, you have a front leg. Find the other and gently start to pull. Make sure the head comes along with the feet. If you have one front and one back, you have to shove the lamb BACK in, find the other front, turn the lamb and then pull. The second lamb is almost always breech. Once you start to pull a breech lamb, you need to move quickly as the cord is probably already compromised. If the head gets stuck, pull the lamb down towards the mom's hocks, then slightly rotate. Make sure the lamb doesn't tip his head up. And if it's a small lamb, you probably have twins, or triplets! Ah, the things I've done for my kids...

I’m absolutely cringing for the ewe in all of this. Pushing back in and trying again? *shudders*

 

Some doctors try that on humans and it’s actually a big cause of the type of birth injury my little guy has. It’s different with a quadruped, but yikes!

 

This (and my general laziness for outdoor work) is why I could never be a farmer or rancher :D

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Years ago, to help my kids remember the states of matter, I told them that poop was solid, pee was liquid, and farts were gas.

 

They remember this better than anything else I ever told them.  Wish they could move on ....

Edited by SKL
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Years ago, to help my kids remember the states of matter, I told them that poop was solid, pee was liquid, and farts were gas.

 

They remember this better than anything else I ever told them.  Wish they could move on ....

 

I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only one who used this method to teach states of matter. lol

 

I taught my kids the jingle bells batman smells variant. We were stuck in traffic during the middle of a move and they were tired of being stuck in the car and were whiiiiiiining incessantly, but then they were so delighted by the song that they sang it for the next 45 minutes. Which was better than whining, so I guess it worked.

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Ds was in high school, and one I needed to run to the store, so he received an impromptu on how to buy feminine hygiene items for someone. It was great, he stood very silently and listened.

 

I realized there are a plethora of options and most women have a preference to one brand, so my advice was

 

1. take a picture of the box at home before heading to the store. Be sure to buy that exact box. If you can't find it, ask, because there are reasons for every color and letter on a box of feminine items.

 

2. Stop by the chocolate aisle and grab something. Also be sure to note what kind she wants, write it down or take pictures of empty wrappers at home. When in doubt, milk chocolate.

 

3. Ask if she needs anything else, like ibuprofen, a new book, flowers, alcohol, etc.

 

It was a great time, really something I had never thought of until then.

My eldest boy stood at strict attention and was a lovely shade of red when I gave a similar lesson a few months ago. Really, in any manual on how to stand at attention, his picture could serve as the illustration.

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Yeah, I kind of think that in the end, some people are just really private about their sex life.

 

You can be private about it, but still take necessary measures. Buying condoms, talking to your partner and speaking to your medical provider are all necessary to a safe and healthy sex life. 

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You can be private about it, but still take necessary measures. Buying condoms, talking to your partner and speaking to your medical provider are all necessary to a safe and healthy sex life. 

 

Hmm, well.  Necessary?  I've managed to have four kids and live to be middle aged too shy to buy condoms.  I suppose if I was in a real pinch, I'd have to do it anyway, or not.  Like anything else.  But I don't really think I'd say it was something people have no business having a sex life if they won't do.

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