Choosing not to do work in one class -- WWYD?

[fastforward]

Looking for some guidance or parenting advice, please.

 

My daughter has been making poor choices in one of her outsourced classes, and I discovered last night that she is close to failing it.  My husband and I have talked with her, yelled at her (not optimal, but we're human), asked her what she needs to be more successful, reached out to the instructor to try to understand, all with very little insight into why she chooses this one class to neglect.  She is not doing poorly in her other classes, and in fact is doing very well with completing other assignments.  She has actually finished one class early and jumped ahead to begin what we had planned for next year.  

 

There have been changes to the structure of this class mid-year which threw her off-kilter, but her slow decline started even prior to the changes being announced.  I would guess that she is no longer as interested in the subject as she once was, but she still talks about it with enthusiasm (just not quite as much as she did when she first started).  When she does complete the work, her grades are consistently above average, so it's not a matter of needing tutoring.  It's more of a study skills issues, but just with this one class.

 

Aside from my concern about this particular class, I'm worried about her readiness for the DE classes that she has planned in the summer and fall.  Academically there is no doubt that she is ready, but there is something in her maturity level that makes me question if she should go forward at this point.  We are at a point where she needs more outside instruction and I need to maintain my role of facilitator rather than teacher.  I'm burned out and frankly, I'm tired.  The teen years are kicking my butt and I have relatively easy kids!

 

Open to thoughts and suggestions.  Thanks for reading if you got this far.  

[OneStepAtATime]

How old and what subject?

[fastforward]

15 & Latin.  

[OneStepAtATime]

FWIW, learning a language can be really hard and learning a dead language can be even harder. And once you get behind in a class like that it can be nearly impossible to catch up. Even though she does well when she turns assignments in, she may have still needed a lot more time and carefully structured daily review and possibly a slower pace than the class provided for things to really gel and enable her to have kept up. And she probably didn't have the study skills yet to create what she needed on her own.

 

I would give her some grace, apologize for yelling and consider what options are left but try to come at this from a positive, not a negative. She is probably feeling overwhelmed and demoralized. She appears to be a good student overall. This one subject was just much harder for her to handle.

 

Could she drop the class and do a self paced study of Latin? Would the teacher be willing to let her do an independent study going at a slower pace with the teacher as facilitator through emails or something? Maybe through the summer to finish? How badly does she need this class?

Edited March 8, 2018 by OneStepAtATime

[EKS]

FWIW, learning a language can be really hard and learning a dead language can be even harder. And once you get behind in a class like that it can be nearly impossible to catch up. 

 

This. And the longer she procrastinates, the more overwhelming it seems.

 

As a facilitator, even though you're not technically the teacher, I'd suggest that your job is to help her over this rough spot.  If she were my kid, I'd sit with her for at least an hour each day to ensure that she is working on the class.  In fact, we are having similar issues right now with my son and a French class, and that is exactly what I'm doing.

Edited March 8, 2018 by EKS

[OneStepAtATime]

  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  to you Mom.  

 

Just keep in your heart and mind:

1.  She is young.

2.  Falling behind in one class is not the end of the world by a long shot.

3.  This could be a great opportunity for both of you to learn where her strengths and weaknesses currently lie for learning languages and could give both of you better insight in to where to go from here.

4.  Your relationship with your daughter and her belief in self overall are far more important than this one class.

5.  Hang in there.  This too shall pass.

Edited March 8, 2018 by OneStepAtATime

[fastforward]

  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  to you Mom.  

 

Just keep in your heart and mind:

1.  She is young.

2.  Falling behind in one class is not the end of the world by a long shot.

3.  This could be a great opportunity for both of you to learn where her strengths and weaknesses currently lie for learning languages and could give both of you better insight in to where to go from here.

4.  Your relationship with your daughter and her belief in self overall are far more important than this one class.

5.  Hang in there.  This too shall pass.

 

Thank you.  I needed to hear this.  I was really over the top and a mess last night, all over this one stupid class.  I wasn't just angry at this situation, but angry at myself for not doing a better job at supervising this class.  

 

I just apologized to her and we plan to talk as soon as we have both had coffee.   :laugh:

[OneStepAtATime]

Thank you.  I needed to hear this.  I was really over the top and a mess last night, all over this one stupid class.  I wasn't just angry at this situation, but angry at myself for not doing a better job at supervising this class.  

 

I just apologized to her and we plan to talk as soon as we have both had coffee.   :laugh:

:hurray:   Sounds awesome.   :grouphug:   Mom.

 

 

Sometimes the lesson should be suck it up, stick it out and finish what you start.  Sometimes the lesson is "This isn't working.  We can pick a better path."  Hopefully having a talk with her in a relaxed setting and letting her know that you are on her side will net a good brainstorming session for where to go from here.  

 

And don't beat yourself up.  This is a learning process for both of you.  I also agree with others, she may need you sitting with her daily helping her break up the assignments into manageable chunks and figuring out better study practices.  There was no way for you to know ahead of time that she would need that kind of daily supervision since she seems to be doing well in other classes.  Don't blame either of you.  It is an experience you can both learn from. 

 

Learning a language just isn't the same as learning other material.  And for some it can be REALLY hard.  My concern now is how much foundation she has already missed.  She may be better off dropping the class, going back and doing a solid review with a self paced program or with the materials already provided for this class so as to fill in gaps, then move forward at a pace that better suits her, with you providing scaffolding and training in how to more effectively handle learning a language.

 

FWIW, my parents did not do any of that for me when I was in High School.  I wish they had.  I took French for 3 years and limped along, mainly because I was in school and attending class 5 days a week, but I did not understand how to learn a language and did NOT learn good study habits for doing so.  It was a wasted 3 years.  I retained nothing.  I'm glad you are going to try to work together to figure out a better way to handle things.  Kuddos.  

 

And one more hug just because.  :)   :grouphug:

[daijobu]

My oldest had a similar experience in a Game Theory course she took last year. As the year wore on she became more and more frustrated with the instructor and the class (she and a couple of other students felt like the instructor misrepresented the course and it was nothing like they expected) and she mentally checked out, which then led to missed assignments. It was hard because I got where she was coming from. I agreed with her. But she still had to finish the class. In hindsight, I wish we had let her drop at the semester when it started becoming apparent. We tried to turn it into a lesson of "finish what you start," but when it was all said and done I don't know that it really accomplished that. Had she been in college she just could've dropped the class and most adults aren't going to force themselves to do something they feel is that pointless. 

 

 

 

This is actually a good lesson in sunk costs, AKA don't throw good money after bad.  

[JoJosMom]

 

 

 

Sometimes the lesson should be suck it up, stick it out and finish what you start.  Sometimes the lesson is "This isn't working.  We can pick a better path."  Hopefully having a talk with her in a relaxed setting and letting her know that you are on her side will net a good brainstorming session for where to go from here.  

 

And don't beat yourself up.  This is a learning process for both of you.  I also agree with others, she may need you sitting with her daily helping her break up the assignments into manageable chunks and figuring out better study practices.  There was no way for you to know ahead of time that she would need that kind of daily supervision since she seems to be doing well in other classes.  Don't blame either of you.  It is an experience you can both learn from. 

 

Learning a language just isn't the same as learning other material.  And for some it can be REALLY hard.  My concern now is how much foundation she has already missed.  She may be better off dropping the class, going back and doing a solid review with a self paced program or with the materials already provided for this class so as to fill in gaps, then move forward at a pace that better suits her, with you providing scaffolding and training in how to more effectively handle learning a language.

 

Excellent advice, especially the bolded.

 

And Latin is an especially hard language. We are struggling with that around here, as well. Mine hasn't been ignoring it, but is trying REALLY hard and still having trouble. A different kind of bad, but still bad. :sad:

 

My oldest had a similar experience in a Game Theory course she took last year. As the year wore on she became more and more frustrated with the instructor and the class (she and a couple of other students felt like the instructor misrepresented the course and it was nothing like they expected) and she mentally checked out, which then led to missed assignments. It was hard because I got where she was coming from. I agreed with her. But she still had to finish the class. In hindsight, I wish we had let her drop at the semester when it started becoming apparent. We tried to turn it into a lesson of "finish what you start," but when it was all said and done I don't know that it really accomplished that. Had she been in college she just could've dropped the class and most adults aren't going to force themselves to do something they feel is that pointless. 

 

FWIW, we've decided to wait until she's a senior to attempt DE. If then. The more I chug along in life, the more I question the point of trying to shove college into high school for her. They didn't have DE when I was in school and I made it through college just fine in four years, so I'm adjusting what I see for our family against what I know a lot of people are doing. 15 is still really young, so I'm guessing she'll be a lot different at 17. I too am over the drama so I get it. 

 

More excellent advice. Especially the bolded. We, likewise, have had a major re-think about what we want our homeschool to look like. One week into the school year, we heaved dual enrollment overboard. I know that there are a lot of 15 year olds who do well with it, but not mine. She's still a kid, she still wants to be a kid. I like my kid, I want to be around my kid. So why the heck was I pushing so hard for her to grow up?

 

So back to OneStepAtATime's excellent advice: It's a learning process. And, around here, it frequently seems that I'm the one who has the most to learn. :sad:

 

So I guess I have no advice, just empathy and :grouphug: . this parenting stuff is really not for sissies.

Edited March 10, 2018 by JoJosMom