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Melissa in Australia

that was embarrassing OR I wish the earth could have opened up and swallowed me

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I took the twins to the GP for a referrals for play therapist/psychologist. the Dr was nepalises. The twins started pointing at him and chanting in unison 'CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATE" when I tried to shush them they burst out laughing and started right over again.

 

 

I was just about in tears. I apologised to the Dr. It was so awful. 

 

 

Where do they get this stuff from.

 

 

 

 

 

 Some days I wish I had a placard that I am not biologically related to these two

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LOL.  I'm so sorry.  That does sound mortifying, but also completely hilarious (from several continents away). 

 

How did it go, otherwise?

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LOL sorry, but yep, kids have quite the ability to make us parents want to climb in a hole.  

 

 

 

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Oh dear :(

 

If it's any consolation, my sister, at 4, said something much worse, along the same lines, and very loudly too.

 

My mum was mortified also.

 

I think kids are just...very open about what pops in their heads!

 

Fingers crossed re the post.

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My son with autism referred to some adults as "chocolate" back when he was very young. Nipped that in the bud. Happily the dark-skinned folks laughed (they worked with special needs preschoolers and it probably wasn't the first time....)

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I think most people realize that's just normal thinking from kids, they associate things and notice what things look like.  And they have no hang-ups about race, even beyond the question of commenting on personal appearance.

 

When I was a kid there was a friend in our gang we used to call "Brown Peanut" when we were trying to annoy him.  I don't know about the other kids, but I actually didn't realize that he was African-Canadian, I just thought he was a brown kid.  I was called "Mag the F%$" which, I determined from the dictionary, meant a bundle of sticks.

 

If an adult were to get riled about a child saying that kind of thing about them, I'd tend to conclude they don't remember being a kid themselves or have much experience of children.

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Kids.  My own kids have made comments that I tell them are racist.  You'd think they'd be a little more sensitive since they themselves are racial minorities.  And yeah, people probably think they are hearing that stuff at home.  They most certainly are not.

 

Hopefully the doctor was able to take it in stride under the circumstances.

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Kids naturally categorize things in their environment to include people; hair color eye color and even skin color with no ill intent connected to it. My best friend was horrified when her 4 year old at the time who is half black said she preferred her chocolate skin to her dad's coffee without cream skin because it wasn't pretty. She called me crying and fearful her daughter had learned to dislike skin color even though she had never even attended preschool. The child outgrew it and it was just a categorizing much like a child liking the blue balloon and not the red one.

 

My own child did something much much MUCH more horrifying a couple years back. We had been studying Africa and going country by country. We happened to have been reading about Sudan and a couple of books that focused on the lost boys and child soldiers. We were in a thrift store and they saw a woman dressed in traditional clothing and spoke with an accent. My son started screaming that she was from Africa and was going to kill him. He is on the spectrum and at the time 5yo. I wanted to cry I was so embarrassed and I was so apologetic to the woman but she was not pleased at all. It made me much more careful about the kids picture books I was reading to them.

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Kids do this.  It's not like kids are blind; they recognize the physical differences in other people as well as we do, they just haven't been trained not to comment on them yet.

 

DD12 once said, when she was about 4 maybe, upon seeing a rather obese lady at the Hobby Lobby, "Wow, mom, that lady is even fatter than you!" (loudly).  I was mortified, but, well, she was right.  She just hadn't learned yet that you only say polite things about other people in public, and even then there are things you don't say at all, even if they are complimentary.

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I feel you. I’m still mortified about the first time my son saw a little person and started shreaking with glee “MOMMY, A LITTLE GROWN UP!!!!†over and over at maximum volume from the shopping cart seat in Bed Bath & Beyond. He’s 17 and that moment is seared to my memory.

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I’m sorry!

 

When my kids embarrass me I try to remember that I am not my kids and they have thoughts independent of mine. When I hear other kids say potentially embarrassing things, I try to remember that they are not their kids too.

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I took the twins to the GP for a referrals for play therapist/psychologist. the Dr was nepalises. The twins started pointing at him and chanting in unison 'CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATE" when I tried to shush them they burst out laughing and started right over again.

 

 

I was just about in tears. I apologised to the Dr. It was so awful. 

 

 

Where do they get this stuff from.

 

 

 

 

 

 Some days I wish I had a placard that I am not biologically related to these two

 

Also, as for the bolded, this is not a sentiment unique to adoptive parents. :)  

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Also, as for the bolded, this is not a sentiment unique to adoptive parents. :)  

 

When I was a kid, "I don't know you" was said often in our all-biological family.  :P

 

I have to remind myself not to say it to my kids, at least when they are on edge.  Though the other day I did tell someone my kids belonged to another person who was with us.  :P

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Kids.  My own kids have made comments that I tell them are racist.  You'd think they'd be a little more sensitive since they themselves are racial minorities.  And yeah, people probably think they are hearing that stuff at home.  They most certainly are not.

 

Hopefully the doctor was able to take it in stride under the circumstances.

This.  Exactly.  Some of my kids are a racial minority, but one time, one of them, as a teen, said something really racist.  It was hugely embarrassing!  And, I'm like, 'where did that come from?'  He certainly didn't hear it at home.  

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I did that to my mom when I was small and it was the first time I saw a black person. Not the laughing part, but repeatedly insisting my mom look at the black man loudly.

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One of my sisters, when she was three, saw a black UPS delivery guy and yelled, "Look!  A brown man!"  Brown skin, brown uniform, brown truck, brown box in the guy's hands.... I really hope the man didn't hear her.  Mom was horrified.  It wasn't like it was the first black person she'd known, either.  I hope the man thought it funny, if he heard her.

 

We're a bi-racial family, and our two kids look like one apiece.  My son has used the phrase, "peach like me," and "brown like [sister]" to identify people he's describing.  Genetics are weird.  Kids are weirder.

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Two Amish men were standing in the dairy aisle at Walmart one time and my youngest pointed to them and loudly said, "Look! To of dem!" Kids just comment on things without thinking. They don't mean anything by it. :) I would say that people shouldn't be offended but I suspect that's coming from a white privilege place, so I'll just say that most people are understanding.

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if the twins had just commented on skin colour that would have been one thing, but they weren't, they were chanting loudly "Chocolate Chocolate" in a mean bullying way.

 

The Dr was very very quiet. I was near tears. it was awful

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One time when my son and his good friend were about 3 I was getting my oil changed and this very very overweight man came in and sat down. The little girl starting singing,'fat man, fat man, very very very fat man!' I. was. mortified. I jerked both of them into the bathroom and got my my knees to tell her very firmly to NEVER do that again.

Edited by Scarlett
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If you were there about play therapy, maybe the twins were trying to sabotage it because the idea makes them nervous.

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I'm sure the doctor understood, especially given what you were asking for!

 

As long as you apologized - and have, of course, spoken to your kids! - you're probably in the clear. Children don't know that it's impolite or why.

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My older son used to walk into people's houses and loudly announce what was dirty and needed to be cleaned. So very mortifying.  it took a long time for him to learn to stop.  

 

 

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My older son used to walk into people's houses and loudly announce what was dirty and needed to be cleaned. So very mortifying.  it took a long time for him to learn to stop.  

 

Oh gosh that reminds me, one of my kids always used to comment on people's houses smelling bad.  That was kind of embarrassing.

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LOL! I grew up in a very racist world so when I heard one of my kids refer to someone as having 'chocolate' skin I was over the moon excited! My kids didn't know racist words they knew colors and flavors. And I was taken to task because I did not order chocolate skin for MY people.  :lol:

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My oldest used to refer to people by their shirt color.  He had a very verbose command of the colors even at 3 and 4.  We live in a very diverse area and I wanted the playground to swallow me up many times because *I* knew he was calling them by their shirt color and not their skin color.  "It's near the peach girl with the brown boy and the maroon boy".  UGH!  I hope the doctor took it in stride...or it helped make your case for the play therapy referral ;) 

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Oh my goodness kids are the worrrrrrst sometimes!!

 

When I was five, I insisted right to a Chinese man's face that Asian people can't smile. He told me he was Chinese and--look!-- he could smile. I just shrugged my shoulders and told him he wasn't Asian then, bc Asian people can't smile.

 

That's one of those memories that will wake me from a dead sleep, cringing in the dark and wishing I could take it back.

 

Two days ago, my ten year old loudly announced that "some people that might be Japanese" had just walked in, and said, "isn't that so funny?!" And laughed his head off. Unfortunately he has my exact face, so I have to claim him. (We'd been discussing the rules of the Shogun vs the Emperor in Japan when this happened. He thought it was a funny coincidence. Oi)

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My older son used to walk into people's houses and loudly announce what was dirty and needed to be cleaned. So very mortifying.  it took a long time for him to learn to stop.  

 

Yeah, my niece did that - the word "disgusting" was involved.  Yikes.  :leaving:

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My kids have an 11yo friend who has commented on my car being dirty.  (We always clean it before anyone else rides in it - I don't even want to know what she'd say about its usual state.  My kids are 11yo so I expect them to clean the part where they sit.)

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Awww, hugs.

 

I'm sorry they were so disrespectful.

 

But seriously, the only reason this would be hurtful is because of the bad stuff adults have done in this world. They were just acting like brats in a way that got your goat because you're a decent human being.They're not responsible for the crimes of humanity, you're not responsible for their bad behavior (bio or not), and nobody learns to treat other human beings with respect (esp. if one has not always been the recipient of such behavior? don't know their story) in a moment, or a day, or a week, or even a year. It's a long road. And rather than wishing the earth would swallow you up, I think you should feel somewhat good about surviving that difficult moment and persisting in loving these kids. That takes a lot of strength, and it's the bad moments that make it real.

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