Melissa in Australia Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 I took the twins to the GP for a referrals for play therapist/psychologist. the Dr was nepalises. The twins started pointing at him and chanting in unison 'CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATE" when I tried to shush them they burst out laughing and started right over again. I was just about in tears. I apologised to the Dr. It was so awful. Where do they get this stuff from. Some days I wish I had a placard that I am not biologically related to these two 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 LOL. I'm so sorry. That does sound mortifying, but also completely hilarious (from several continents away). How did it go, otherwise? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 because they haven't seen that dr before we couldn't get the referral, so have to go back in a few days and see the other dr - who has even darker skin - from India. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 At least they haven't called anyone cow dung colour? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Oh dear... :grouphug: Did you ever get a response on your appeal? (If so and I missed it I apologize...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 I was informed on Friday late afternoon that the response is in the mail. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 LOL sorry, but yep, kids have quite the ability to make us parents want to climb in a hole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Ugh, I've been thoroughly embarrassed at the Dr's office by a kid before. No fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Eek! Yeah, that's not fun! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 My son with autism referred to some adults as "chocolate" back when he was very young. Nipped that in the bud. Happily the dark-skinned folks laughed (they worked with special needs preschoolers and it probably wasn't the first time....) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 I think most people realize that's just normal thinking from kids, they associate things and notice what things look like. And they have no hang-ups about race, even beyond the question of commenting on personal appearance. When I was a kid there was a friend in our gang we used to call "Brown Peanut" when we were trying to annoy him. I don't know about the other kids, but I actually didn't realize that he was African-Canadian, I just thought he was a brown kid. I was called "Mag the F%$" which, I determined from the dictionary, meant a bundle of sticks. If an adult were to get riled about a child saying that kind of thing about them, I'd tend to conclude they don't remember being a kid themselves or have much experience of children. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Kids. My own kids have made comments that I tell them are racist. You'd think they'd be a little more sensitive since they themselves are racial minorities. And yeah, people probably think they are hearing that stuff at home. They most certainly are not. Hopefully the doctor was able to take it in stride under the circumstances. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nixpix5 Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Kids naturally categorize things in their environment to include people; hair color eye color and even skin color with no ill intent connected to it. My best friend was horrified when her 4 year old at the time who is half black said she preferred her chocolate skin to her dad's coffee without cream skin because it wasn't pretty. She called me crying and fearful her daughter had learned to dislike skin color even though she had never even attended preschool. The child outgrew it and it was just a categorizing much like a child liking the blue balloon and not the red one. My own child did something much much MUCH more horrifying a couple years back. We had been studying Africa and going country by country. We happened to have been reading about Sudan and a couple of books that focused on the lost boys and child soldiers. We were in a thrift store and they saw a woman dressed in traditional clothing and spoke with an accent. My son started screaming that she was from Africa and was going to kill him. He is on the spectrum and at the time 5yo. I wanted to cry I was so embarrassed and I was so apologetic to the woman but she was not pleased at all. It made me much more careful about the kids picture books I was reading to them. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalsummer Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Kids do this. It's not like kids are blind; they recognize the physical differences in other people as well as we do, they just haven't been trained not to comment on them yet. DD12 once said, when she was about 4 maybe, upon seeing a rather obese lady at the Hobby Lobby, "Wow, mom, that lady is even fatter than you!" (loudly). I was mortified, but, well, she was right. She just hadn't learned yet that you only say polite things about other people in public, and even then there are things you don't say at all, even if they are complimentary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Ugh. I think it has happened to all of us. I know one of my kids did and I was so upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4Wesley Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 (edited) Nm Edited March 5, 2018 by 4Wesley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 I feel you. I’m still mortified about the first time my son saw a little person and started shreaking with glee “MOMMY, A LITTLE GROWN UP!!!!†over and over at maximum volume from the shopping cart seat in Bed Bath & Beyond. He’s 17 and that moment is seared to my memory. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 I’m sorry! When my kids embarrass me I try to remember that I am not my kids and they have thoughts independent of mine. When I hear other kids say potentially embarrassing things, I try to remember that they are not their kids too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalsummer Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 I took the twins to the GP for a referrals for play therapist/psychologist. the Dr was nepalises. The twins started pointing at him and chanting in unison 'CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATE" when I tried to shush them they burst out laughing and started right over again. I was just about in tears. I apologised to the Dr. It was so awful. Where do they get this stuff from. Some days I wish I had a placard that I am not biologically related to these two Also, as for the bolded, this is not a sentiment unique to adoptive parents. :) 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Also, as for the bolded, this is not a sentiment unique to adoptive parents. :) When I was a kid, "I don't know you" was said often in our all-biological family. :P I have to remind myself not to say it to my kids, at least when they are on edge. Though the other day I did tell someone my kids belonged to another person who was with us. :P 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom@shiloh Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Kids. My own kids have made comments that I tell them are racist. You'd think they'd be a little more sensitive since they themselves are racial minorities. And yeah, people probably think they are hearing that stuff at home. They most certainly are not. Hopefully the doctor was able to take it in stride under the circumstances. This. Exactly. Some of my kids are a racial minority, but one time, one of them, as a teen, said something really racist. It was hugely embarrassing! And, I'm like, 'where did that come from?' He certainly didn't hear it at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 I did that to my mom when I was small and it was the first time I saw a black person. Not the laughing part, but repeatedly insisting my mom look at the black man loudly. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 One of my sisters, when she was three, saw a black UPS delivery guy and yelled, "Look! A brown man!" Brown skin, brown uniform, brown truck, brown box in the guy's hands.... I really hope the man didn't hear her. Mom was horrified. It wasn't like it was the first black person she'd known, either. I hope the man thought it funny, if he heard her. We're a bi-racial family, and our two kids look like one apiece. My son has used the phrase, "peach like me," and "brown like [sister]" to identify people he's describing. Genetics are weird. Kids are weirder. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 Two Amish men were standing in the dairy aisle at Walmart one time and my youngest pointed to them and loudly said, "Look! To of dem!" Kids just comment on things without thinking. They don't mean anything by it. :) I would say that people shouldn't be offended but I suspect that's coming from a white privilege place, so I'll just say that most people are understanding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 6, 2018 Author Share Posted March 6, 2018 if the twins had just commented on skin colour that would have been one thing, but they weren't, they were chanting loudly "Chocolate Chocolate" in a mean bullying way. The Dr was very very quiet. I was near tears. it was awful 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 (((Hugs)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 (edited) One time when my son and his good friend were about 3 I was getting my oil changed and this very very overweight man came in and sat down. The little girl starting singing,'fat man, fat man, very very very fat man!' I. was. mortified. I jerked both of them into the bathroom and got my my knees to tell her very firmly to NEVER do that again. Edited March 6, 2018 by Scarlett 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 If you were there about play therapy, maybe the twins were trying to sabotage it because the idea makes them nervous. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 I'm sure the doctor understood, especially given what you were asking for! As long as you apologized - and have, of course, spoken to your kids! - you're probably in the clear. Children don't know that it's impolite or why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 Send the doctor some flowers with a nice note. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 My older son used to walk into people's houses and loudly announce what was dirty and needed to be cleaned. So very mortifying. it took a long time for him to learn to stop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 Aw, I'm so sorry they did that, Melissa. I like the idea of flowers and a note. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 My older son used to walk into people's houses and loudly announce what was dirty and needed to be cleaned. So very mortifying. it took a long time for him to learn to stop. Oh gosh that reminds me, one of my kids always used to comment on people's houses smelling bad. That was kind of embarrassing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4everHis Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 LOL! I grew up in a very racist world so when I heard one of my kids refer to someone as having 'chocolate' skin I was over the moon excited! My kids didn't know racist words they knew colors and flavors. And I was taken to task because I did not order chocolate skin for MY people. :lol: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
footballmom Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 My oldest used to refer to people by their shirt color. He had a very verbose command of the colors even at 3 and 4. We live in a very diverse area and I wanted the playground to swallow me up many times because *I* knew he was calling them by their shirt color and not their skin color. "It's near the peach girl with the brown boy and the maroon boy". UGH! I hope the doctor took it in stride...or it helped make your case for the play therapy referral ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 My older son used to walk into people's houses and loudly announce what was dirty and needed to be cleaned. So very mortifying. it took a long time for him to learn to stop. Yeah, my niece did that - the word "disgusting" was involved. Yikes. :leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 My kids have an 11yo friend who has commented on my car being dirty. (We always clean it before anyone else rides in it - I don't even want to know what she'd say about its usual state. My kids are 11yo so I expect them to clean the part where they sit.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fralala Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 Awww, hugs. I'm sorry they were so disrespectful. But seriously, the only reason this would be hurtful is because of the bad stuff adults have done in this world. They were just acting like brats in a way that got your goat because you're a decent human being.They're not responsible for the crimes of humanity, you're not responsible for their bad behavior (bio or not), and nobody learns to treat other human beings with respect (esp. if one has not always been the recipient of such behavior? don't know their story) in a moment, or a day, or a week, or even a year. It's a long road. And rather than wishing the earth would swallow you up, I think you should feel somewhat good about surviving that difficult moment and persisting in loving these kids. That takes a lot of strength, and it's the bad moments that make it real. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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