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I'm very sorry for your loss.  I know how hard it is.  I am glad to hear that you are getting several opinions on how to proceed.  It is a huge shock and it's difficult to make the best decisions in this situation, so I'm thankful that you feel as if you're being given adequate time to think things over.

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Thank you all, I am currently in recovery. Due to several reasons the D&E was the best option. The staff at the hospital has been incredibly compassionate and understanding.   They were not abl

We buried the baby today in a small graveside service. It was hard but I’m glad we did it and I am so thankful for my friends who left work today to be with us.   We were unable to learn the sex

We spoke with the cemetery today to find out about burial. I’m blown away, they hardly charge anything for a plot and graveside service, $60. It’s probably below cost and significantly less expens

So, so sorry for your loss.  Like several others, we've had several losses and it's so important for you to grieve and say goodbye the way that you need to.  

 

I saw that you mentioned that there was concern about beginning to deliver at home.   I contacted Ina Mae Gaskin at The Farm with questions the first time I wanted to miscarry at home.  They were very kind and helpful in answering my questions.  I really just wanted to know what my options were and had been seeing a regular CNM who wanted to schedule a D&C immediately.  The second late miscarriage we went through I contacted a local homebirth midwife who helped me through it by phone, again just to answer my questions.  

 

You clearly may have factors that make it necessary to deliver in the hospital, but I, like some of the pp, just wanted you to know of sources who can help you with a second opinion if you want to explore beginning at home or delivering at home.

 

Thinking of you and your family

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Thank you all, I am currently in recovery. Due to several reasons the D&E was the best option. The staff at the hospital has been incredibly compassionate and understanding.

 

They were not able to tell me if baby was a boy or girl but did get a tiny hand and foot print for us. I’m doing ok. I really appreciate the prayers and support. I was really not expecting this.

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:grouphug:

 

Prayers for you, for your little one, and for your entire family.

 

I'm glad you had compassionate people around you and that they were able to get you prints.

 

May love and healing surround you right now and always.  

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I ran out of likes but I read every single post and appreciate all of you taking the time to offer some comfort. I was able to sleep last night and feel ok today. It was such a long day yesterday. We finally left the hospital around 8:30 but had trouble getting prescriptions filled due to pharmacies either being closed or not having what the doctor prescribed. We finally got home around 10:30, having left the house at 8:00 in the morning.

 

We picked up the kids in a little bit ago they are pretty cuddly. Several people have offered to keep them over the next few days and friends have offered to bring meals. My husband is off work and taking good care of me.

 

I think naming the baby would help with healing but I’m having trouble with that not knowing the sex. I’m so thankful for the ultrasound pictures and the prints. We didn’t have that with our other two losses and it took a long time to get closure.

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I ran out of likes but I read every single post and appreciate all of you taking the time to offer some comfort. I was able to sleep last night and feel ok today. It was such a long day yesterday. We finally left the hospital around 8:30 but had trouble getting prescriptions filled due to pharmacies either being closed or not having what the doctor prescribed. We finally got home around 10:30, having left the house at 8:00 in the morning.

 

We picked up the kids in a little bit ago they are pretty cuddly. Several people have offered to keep them over the next few days and friends have offered to bring meals. My husband is off work and taking good care of me.

 

I think naming the baby would help with healing but I’m having trouble with that not knowing the sex. I’m so thankful for the ultrasound pictures and the prints. We didn’t have that with our other two losses and it took a long time to get closure.

Can they get the sex when they run tissue tests to see if the miscarriage has a medical explaination? That’s when I found out for one of our second trimester miscarriages. The remains were always returned to us for burial after the tests. Edited by LucyStoner
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Can they get the sex when they run tissue tests to see if the miscarriage has a medical explaination? That’s when I found out for one of our second trimester miscarriages. The remains were always returned to us for burial after the tests.

I hope so, but I’m not counting on it. Yesterday I had to go to the large university hospital for my D&E. My OB is at a smaller regional hospital and while they have a partnership of sorts they are different systems. I could easily see things not being handled the way we were told.

 

When I had my lab testing for downs/trisomy 18 it took a month and multiple phone calls from my OB to get the lab results from the university hospital. She thought sex would be included in that testing but it wasn’t.

 

I’m going to have my husband call now and request the remains. Thank you for mentioning that.

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(((Rach))) Been thinking about you.

 

I did not learn the sex of my baby (and truly, didn't feel the need to ask, we had already decided to be "surprised" that pregnancy and seemed fitting), but there was/is a solid firm belief in my heart that it would have been a boy. I agree, naming really helps! It gave me a sense of the reality of it all, something to benchmark what happened, kwim?

 

Feeling tired - even for longer than you might expect - is really normal. Hug on those cuddly kids and let them ooze love all over you, it's wonderful medicine.

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What a shock this is for you.  Take care in the next several weeks.  I experienced a similar loss at 21 weeks of pregnancy and remember that heartache.  (not that that is supposed to make you feel any better, but just to know that I understand your pain)

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We spoke with the cemetery today to find out about burial. I’m blown away, they hardly charge anything for a plot and graveside service, $60. It’s probably below cost and significantly less expensive than a regular plot. The cost of the marker is very reasonable too, but not required.

 

Although the hospital will release the remains to us, the cemetery is unable to accept them directly from us. We called the funeral home to find out what they would charge. They charge NOTHING. I was expecting to have to pay for services we didn’t want to use.

 

We won’t do a fancy ceremony, just us, my inlaws, and our closest friends. A minister from church will say a few words and a prayer. I really think it will help with closure.

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This is what happened with us. The funeral home took care of everything, from getting the remains from the hospital, holding a small service, to getting us back the ashes. They even sent us a Christmas ornament with our baby's name on it. All for free. They really were wonderful and helpful.

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This is what happened with us. The funeral home took care of everything, from getting the remains from the hospital, holding a small service, to getting us back the ashes. They even sent us a Christmas ornament with our baby's name on it. All for free. They really were wonderful and helpful.

That’s wonderful. I didn’t want cost to be a deciding factor in what we decided to do, but I just am floored but how inexpensive it is.

 

I’m sorry that you too have experienced a loss, it’s a club no one wants to be a part of.

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We buried the baby today in a small graveside service. It was hard but I’m glad we did it and I am so thankful for my friends who left work today to be with us.

 

We were unable to learn the sex of the baby but we did name the baby Titus.

 

I appreciate everyone’s support during this difficult time.

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