mom@shiloh 1,614 Posted February 28, 2018 Report Share Posted February 28, 2018 I'm very sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is. I am glad to hear that you are getting several opinions on how to proceed. It is a huge shock and it's difficult to make the best decisions in this situation, so I'm thankful that you feel as if you're being given adequate time to think things over. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Catwoman 74,049 Posted February 28, 2018 Report Share Posted February 28, 2018 Thinking of you today, Rach. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Learning fun 150 Posted February 28, 2018 Report Share Posted February 28, 2018 I'm so sorry 💖 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ashfern 1,446 Posted February 28, 2018 Report Share Posted February 28, 2018 :grouphug: I'm so sorry for your loss. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
melbotoast 1,676 Posted February 28, 2018 Report Share Posted February 28, 2018 I'm so sorry for your loss. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cuckoomamma 368 Posted February 28, 2018 Report Share Posted February 28, 2018 So, so sorry for your loss. Like several others, we've had several losses and it's so important for you to grieve and say goodbye the way that you need to. I saw that you mentioned that there was concern about beginning to deliver at home. I contacted Ina Mae Gaskin at The Farm with questions the first time I wanted to miscarry at home. They were very kind and helpful in answering my questions. I really just wanted to know what my options were and had been seeing a regular CNM who wanted to schedule a D&C immediately. The second late miscarriage we went through I contacted a local homebirth midwife who helped me through it by phone, again just to answer my questions. You clearly may have factors that make it necessary to deliver in the hospital, but I, like some of the pp, just wanted you to know of sources who can help you with a second opinion if you want to explore beginning at home or delivering at home. Thinking of you and your family 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel 6,799 Posted March 1, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 Thank you all, I am currently in recovery. Due to several reasons the D&E was the best option. The staff at the hospital has been incredibly compassionate and understanding. They were not able to tell me if baby was a boy or girl but did get a tiny hand and foot print for us. I’m doing ok. I really appreciate the prayers and support. I was really not expecting this. 17 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
maize 77,258 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
happypamama 10,442 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 I’m glad they are treating you well. And the prints! That’s a really lovely thing to have. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Melissa in Australia 13,767 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rosika 564 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 My heart is breaking for your family, and I'm sorry your sweet baby's time here was so painfully short. Peace and healing, prayers and love. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Catwoman 74,049 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 Still praying for you, Rach. What a horrible shock. :( 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
umsami 32,514 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 :grouphug: Prayers for you, for your little one, and for your entire family. I'm glad you had compassionate people around you and that they were able to get you prints. May love and healing surround you right now and always. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Selkie 23,342 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 Sending more hugs your way today, Rach. Take care. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lmrich 3,661 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
poppy 20,381 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 I'm so sorry. Been there and it's hard. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cuckoomamma 368 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 So happy you have the prints. We have an us of one of ours that I treasure. It makes the baby real for me all these years later. The others feel like they were a dream. Sending you hugs 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel 6,799 Posted March 1, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 I ran out of likes but I read every single post and appreciate all of you taking the time to offer some comfort. I was able to sleep last night and feel ok today. It was such a long day yesterday. We finally left the hospital around 8:30 but had trouble getting prescriptions filled due to pharmacies either being closed or not having what the doctor prescribed. We finally got home around 10:30, having left the house at 8:00 in the morning. We picked up the kids in a little bit ago they are pretty cuddly. Several people have offered to keep them over the next few days and friends have offered to bring meals. My husband is off work and taking good care of me. I think naming the baby would help with healing but I’m having trouble with that not knowing the sex. I’m so thankful for the ultrasound pictures and the prints. We didn’t have that with our other two losses and it took a long time to get closure. 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
happypamama 10,442 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 Those small mementos are such blessings. I’m so glad you were able to sleep. Grief is lousy. Little cuddly people help. We are here any time you just need to talk or vent or anything. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LucyStoner 74,006 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 (edited) I ran out of likes but I read every single post and appreciate all of you taking the time to offer some comfort. I was able to sleep last night and feel ok today. It was such a long day yesterday. We finally left the hospital around 8:30 but had trouble getting prescriptions filled due to pharmacies either being closed or not having what the doctor prescribed. We finally got home around 10:30, having left the house at 8:00 in the morning. We picked up the kids in a little bit ago they are pretty cuddly. Several people have offered to keep them over the next few days and friends have offered to bring meals. My husband is off work and taking good care of me. I think naming the baby would help with healing but I’m having trouble with that not knowing the sex. I’m so thankful for the ultrasound pictures and the prints. We didn’t have that with our other two losses and it took a long time to get closure. Can they get the sex when they run tissue tests to see if the miscarriage has a medical explaination? That’s when I found out for one of our second trimester miscarriages. The remains were always returned to us for burial after the tests. Edited March 1, 2018 by LucyStoner 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
wintermom 19,701 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 We couldn't find out the sex of our baby, so we call her/him the Angel Baby. It is nice to have some kind of name. So sorry for your loss. (((hugs))) 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel 6,799 Posted March 1, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 Can they get the sex when they run tissue tests to see if the miscarriage has a medical explaination? That’s when I found out for one of our second trimester miscarriages. The remains were always returned to us for burial after the tests. I hope so, but I’m not counting on it. Yesterday I had to go to the large university hospital for my D&E. My OB is at a smaller regional hospital and while they have a partnership of sorts they are different systems. I could easily see things not being handled the way we were told. When I had my lab testing for downs/trisomy 18 it took a month and multiple phone calls from my OB to get the lab results from the university hospital. She thought sex would be included in that testing but it wasn’t. I’m going to have my husband call now and request the remains. Thank you for mentioning that. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jaybee 3,114 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 I like the name Jamie. It's sweet for a boy or a girl. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
maize 77,258 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 Maybe your husband could also double check on the earlier chromosomal testing; I find it really surprising that sex wasn't included and wonder if they may actually have a record of it somewhere. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Seasider 16,309 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 (((Rach))) Been thinking about you. I did not learn the sex of my baby (and truly, didn't feel the need to ask, we had already decided to be "surprised" that pregnancy and seemed fitting), but there was/is a solid firm belief in my heart that it would have been a boy. I agree, naming really helps! It gave me a sense of the reality of it all, something to benchmark what happened, kwim? Feeling tired - even for longer than you might expect - is really normal. Hug on those cuddly kids and let them ooze love all over you, it's wonderful medicine. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Twigs 2,593 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
UmMusa 531 Posted March 2, 2018 Report Share Posted March 2, 2018 What a shock this is for you. Take care in the next several weeks. I experienced a similar loss at 21 weeks of pregnancy and remember that heartache. (not that that is supposed to make you feel any better, but just to know that I understand your pain) 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel 6,799 Posted March 5, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2018 We spoke with the cemetery today to find out about burial. I’m blown away, they hardly charge anything for a plot and graveside service, $60. It’s probably below cost and significantly less expensive than a regular plot. The cost of the marker is very reasonable too, but not required. Although the hospital will release the remains to us, the cemetery is unable to accept them directly from us. We called the funeral home to find out what they would charge. They charge NOTHING. I was expecting to have to pay for services we didn’t want to use. We won’t do a fancy ceremony, just us, my inlaws, and our closest friends. A minister from church will say a few words and a prayer. I really think it will help with closure. 11 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Selkie 23,342 Posted March 5, 2018 Report Share Posted March 5, 2018 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mommyoffive 7,439 Posted March 5, 2018 Report Share Posted March 5, 2018 Just sending some more hugs your way. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Noreen Claire 1,992 Posted March 5, 2018 Report Share Posted March 5, 2018 This is what happened with us. The funeral home took care of everything, from getting the remains from the hospital, holding a small service, to getting us back the ashes. They even sent us a Christmas ornament with our baby's name on it. All for free. They really were wonderful and helpful. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel 6,799 Posted March 6, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2018 This is what happened with us. The funeral home took care of everything, from getting the remains from the hospital, holding a small service, to getting us back the ashes. They even sent us a Christmas ornament with our baby's name on it. All for free. They really were wonderful and helpful. That’s wonderful. I didn’t want cost to be a deciding factor in what we decided to do, but I just am floored but how inexpensive it is. I’m sorry that you too have experienced a loss, it’s a club no one wants to be a part of. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JIN MOUSA 1,094 Posted March 6, 2018 Report Share Posted March 6, 2018 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JudoMom 5,096 Posted March 6, 2018 Report Share Posted March 6, 2018 I just saw this. I am so very sorry for your loss. There are no words. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Melissa in Australia 13,767 Posted March 6, 2018 Report Share Posted March 6, 2018 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel 6,799 Posted March 9, 2018 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 We buried the baby today in a small graveside service. It was hard but I’m glad we did it and I am so thankful for my friends who left work today to be with us. We were unable to learn the sex of the baby but we did name the baby Titus. I appreciate everyone’s support during this difficult time. 14 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jaybee 3,114 Posted March 9, 2018 Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChocolateReign 28,508 Posted March 9, 2018 Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skippy 811 Posted March 9, 2018 Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 I am so sorry. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kassia 6,429 Posted March 9, 2018 Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 (edited) :grouphug: :grouphug: I am so sorry. Thinking of you and your family. Edited March 9, 2018 by Kassia 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
maize 77,258 Posted March 9, 2018 Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 I'm glad you were able to hold a service. Titus is a lovely name. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mommyoffive 7,439 Posted March 9, 2018 Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 I am glad you had a service and your friends were there. Sending hugs to you. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Spryte 17,769 Posted March 9, 2018 Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 I’m so very sorry for your loss. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Selkie 23,342 Posted March 9, 2018 Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
OneStepAtATime 52,889 Posted March 10, 2018 Report Share Posted March 10, 2018 Been following. I am very glad that the service went well and you were able to name the baby. Huge, mega hugs 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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