Laurie4b Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 (edited) I know the bridal party & the pastor and wife who are officiating at the ceremony. All siblings are part of the wedding party but it also includes friends. 8 total. Which relatives typically come in addition to parents and grandparents? There will be many many relations from out of town, so that can't be a major criteria. ETA: this number could be as high as 30+ out of town family members . Some will be traveling from another country; the rest from other states about 7+ hours car drive. Do members of the wedding party who are single get to bring a date? ETA:: We are the parents of the groom. I am trying to get a handle on who is expected to be invited because we need to know for finances. Edited February 25, 2018 by Laurie4b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sneezyone Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 Wedding party plus dates and/or parents (for littles) and out of town family guests is how my family does it. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 way back when (haven't been involved in a wedding in a few years) wedding party, dates and spouses, immediate family, close relatives coming in from out of town (I include grandparents in this group). This was how my family did it. This is how my friends' families did it. If you have a lot of family from out of town, I probably would not include everyone in the rehearsal dinner. Grandparents is probably a good place to make the cut. Unless there's something huge to distinguish Aunt Mary from Aunt Sue choosing between them could be unpleasant. One trend I've seen is having a very casual brunch the day after the wedding to allow more family visiting with family who traveled far and aren't seen often. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 my understanding is it's only those in the wedding party. we don't "do" rehearsal dinners. we did get together to decorate the church for the reception the night before. dd and dsil bought thai food for everyone to eat. and their reception was a reunion - as dsil - is the son of one of the cousin of dh's childhood friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 I think it's fine not to invite dates if wedding party does not have a SO. If they do and you know them by name, then they should definitely be invited. If you can't have out of towners, be consistent. Don't invite Aunt Jane and not invite Aunt Sue. Or if you invite aunts and uncles, don't invite some cousins and not others, etc. Parents, grandparents, wedding party & SO's is fine. I think there are a lot of ways to do a rehearsal dinner. The description above of decorating the church and having food brought in is a perfectly acceptable rehearsal dinner IMO. We had a largish rehearsal dinner but we had about a dozen out of towners that flew in from a long way and we wanted more time to visit with them so they were invited. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 I've seen lots of variations on the rehearsal dinner. Typically (traditionally?) I believe it is just for the wedding party, as they were involved in the rehearsal. But often people include all family members, and out of town guests. When a nephew of mine got married, my kids were flower girl/ring bearer, and I lit candles. My husband was just a regular ol' guest at the wedding. :-) But he was invited to the rehearsal dinner too. I guess you could call him my date. But I believe inviting dates or "plus one" for single people is never required. As with many other etiquette rules/traditions, I think things are changing in this area. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 In my area, the rehearsal dinner is traditionally hosted by the parents of the groom--as the hosts, they decide who they would like to invite. Generally, the formality of the rehearsal dinner would be in line with the formality of the wedding. The wedding party, grandparents, spouses of anyone in the wedding party, parents of any children who are included in the wedding party, siblings of the bride and groom, and the minister and spouse would be the starting point of who is invited. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 Pastors and wives are not usually invited in my experience as a pastor's wife. We invited immediate family and folks who were at the rehearsal. My well off cousins have included aunts, uncles and cousins. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 It totally depends on the finances of the groom's family (or the couple if they're hosting). I've seen it only people who are in the wedding party plus spouses (not unmarried SO's) and I've seen very large ones that included maybe half of the guests who attended the reception. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mum Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 For our child’s wedding last year,We invited pastor and his wife for rehearsal dinner, but they declined. We invited out of town family. I know it isn’t required, but I wanted to spend as much time with them as I could, and I thought if they were flying from the complete other side of the country, or driving half way across the country, the least I could do was give them dinner the night before. We ended up with 60. We got Mexican that we picked up from restaurant-pans of enchiladas, party trays of mixed items, pans of beans and rice. I had a friend come and help set up and serve. It went beautifully, and was a great time with family. Paper plates. Nice plastic silverware. Real tablecloths, mason jars of flowers from Costco, that were also used at reception. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted February 25, 2018 Author Share Posted February 25, 2018 For our child’s wedding last year,We invited pastor and his wife for rehearsal dinner, but they declined. We invited out of town family. I know it isn’t required, but I wanted to spend as much time with them as I could, and I thought if they were flying from the complete other side of the country, or driving half way across the country, the least I could do was give them dinner the night before. We ended up with 60. We got Mexican that we picked up from restaurant-pans of enchiladas, party trays of mixed items, pans of beans and rice. I had a friend come and help set up and serve. It went beautifully, and was a great time with family. Paper plates. Nice plastic silverware. Real tablecloths, mason jars of flowers from Costco, that were also used at reception. I wish I could do something like this. The bride and groom wanted a simple wedding but the bride's mother wanted a fancy one. So it would feel kind of weird to go from informal to fancy, I ^think." Plus there are going to be vastly different food preferences. I've started thinking maybe I would rent a venue and have it catered by two different food caterers. But I would really prefer a restaurant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 We have had four weddings and we did three rehearsal dinners. One was in our backyard for almost 100guests. We don’t live near family, so all guests for both bride and groom were staying in hotels and we wanted to visit with them. We literally had guests from all over the country, Alaska and the Bahamas. It was a lot of work, but my family helped, I was organized and it was awesome. I did not want them to travel all the way here and then not get to see them. The next two were pizza. One was in the church narthex,maybe 30people, including some out of town guests. It was easy pessy. A friend brought fruit and veggie platters and I made cookies and we bought ice cream treats. The last one was pizza buffet in local country club banquet room. A lot more spendy but what the bride wanted. We invited any out of town family members that were around. Pastors were invited, sometimes were there, sometimes not. We never included a guest for someone in the wedding..mostly cuz it was always family in the weddings. I think there rules of etiquette at times that make life easier and should be followed, but this one of only the immediate family and wedding party just doesn’t work for me. We did it our way and it was great. I did fail to send formal,invites to the bride’s family for my one son’s wedding. I just never thought about it. It was ackward. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 I wish I could do something like this. The bride and groom wanted a simple wedding but the bride's mother wanted a fancy one. So it would feel kind of weird to go from informal to fancy, I ^think." Plus there are going to be vastly different food preferences. I've started thinking maybe I would rent a venue and have it catered by two different food caterers. But I would really prefer a restaurant. I don't think it's typical to have a rehearsal dinner or as formal as the wedding reception. My friend had an Italian buffet set up in her MIL's nicely finished basement. People were spread through the main floor too, but the food was in the basement. My sister's rehearsal dinner was at a Greek family restaurant. Mine was at an Italian family restaurant. My brother's was all over my mom's house (literally tables and chairs anywhere they'd fit, I helped prepare and plate the food). All of these had formal receptions at a local country club. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoggirl Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 I have recently read that some people do a much smaller rehearsal dinner with just the bridal party and parents and then have a larger sort of cocktail(or beer and wine)/appetizer type thing later in the evening back at the hotel where most out-of-town guests are staying. So, far fewer at the dinner and far more (almost like a less formal reception that includes the bridal party and all out-of-town guests) *after* the rehearsal dinner. Just to confuse things more. I don't know how common this is. But I say, it's your party and you do whatever you want! Just because the wedding is formal doesn't mean the rehearsal dinner has to be. Most fun I ever had at a rehearsal dinner I attended was one that had catered barbecue and a square dance caller. Everyone wore jeans. The bride's mom gets to do her thing - you get to do yours. Since she seems to have trumped the couple's wishes, I would do the opposite. I would ask them what THEY would like to do for the rehearsal and do just that. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 The most fun I had at a rehearsal dinner was a laid back one with take out Chinese food at the groom's apartment. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 I know the bridal party & the pastor and wife who are officiating at the ceremony. All siblings are part of the wedding party but it also includes friends. 8 total. Which relatives typically come in addition to parents and grandparents? There will be many many relations from out of town, so that can't be a major criteria. ETA: this number could be as high as 30+ out of town family members . Some will be traveling from another country; the rest from other states about 7+ hours car drive. Do members of the wedding party who are single get to bring a date? ETA:: We are the parents of the groom. I am trying to get a handle on who is expected to be invited because we need to know for finances. Parents and grandparents, entire wedding party and officiant and wife, all out of town guests. You do not have to invite family or significant others of the wedding party unless they are out of town guests. If you have spare change, local family not in the wedding party is a nice extra, but not required. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 I know the bridal party & the pastor and wife who are officiating at the ceremony. All siblings are part of the wedding party but it also includes friends. 8 total. Which relatives typically come in addition to parents and grandparents? There will be many many relations from out of town, so that can't be a major criteria. ETA: this number could be as high as 30+ out of town family members . Some will be traveling from another country; the rest from other states about 7+ hours car drive. Do members of the wedding party who are single get to bring a date? ETA:: We are the parents of the groom. I am trying to get a handle on who is expected to be invited because we need to know for finances. Historically, just the immediate wedding party: bride and groom, attendants, officiant, parents of both b&g, parents of little children who might be in the wedding. And it's just supposed to be a quick pick-me-up, something like cold cuts and fruit, not a big hairy dinner. It's going to be hairy enough the next day, KWIM? I don't know when it became a big formal dinner with everyone and his brother invited, but it was never intended to be that way. So, no, not the grandparents, not the relatives from out of town, not even the spouses of the attendants. I don't see any reason that you have to have a big dinner of 30+ people, especially not if you begin to talk about it now so no one is surprised. JMHO. :-) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 I know the bridal party & the pastor and wife who are officiating at the ceremony. All siblings are part of the wedding party but it also includes friends. 8 total. Which relatives typically come in addition to parents and grandparents? There will be many many relations from out of town, so that can't be a major criteria. ETA: this number could be as high as 30+ out of town family members . Some will be traveling from another country; the rest from other states about 7+ hours car drive. Do members of the wedding party who are single get to bring a date? ETA:: We are the parents of the groom. I am trying to get a handle on who is expected to be invited because we need to know for finances. Out of town guests are normally invited to the rehearsal dinner, even if there are a lot of them. Yes, if a member of the wedding party is bringing a date to the wedding, that person should be invited to the rehearsal dinner. I have been at rehearsal dinners where almost everyone that came to the wedding was invited because most were out of town guests. They were more relaxing and fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 (edited) At dd’s wedding, the parents of the groom opted to have the bridal party and parents, no significant others, and a few of their out of town relatives that they wanted to spend the time with. But there is no obligation to invite non bridal party guests. She did have the pastor and his wife because their little girl was the flower girl. Edited February 26, 2018 by FaithManor 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 Other things to consider....... What are the norms of the bride's family? You know your family's norms for this kind of thing. If your norms don't include out of town guests, but the bride's family culture does include them, there will be a lot of hurt feelings if you don't invite the out of town guests. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftymama Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 I've seen this done a lot of different ways. We had the wedding party and parents, one uncle (because he and my dad came in from out of town together), and the family of the flower girl. That was it. But we were out of town guests for another wedding with no formal participation and were invited, and attended, the rehearsal dinner. I have also had friends who have only done the parents and wedding party - those that had a role in the rehearsal. And I have had friends who invited their whole family - aunts, uncles, siblings, etc. I think you need to include all the people who have to attend the rehearsal and parents of both sides as your minium. After that you need to discuss with the couple what they are thinking, but set a budget and work within it. Maybe you have something less formal to include more people, or maybe the guest list gets cut down to have something more formal. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 I know the bridal party & the pastor and wife who are officiating at the ceremony. All siblings are part of the wedding party but it also includes friends. 8 total. Which relatives typically come in addition to parents and grandparents? There will be many many relations from out of town, so that can't be a major criteria. ETA: this number could be as high as 30+ out of town family members . Some will be traveling from another country; the rest from other states about 7+ hours car drive. Do members of the wedding party who are single get to bring a date? ETA:: We are the parents of the groom. I am trying to get a handle on who is expected to be invited because we need to know for finances. For our wedding, all relatives and wedding party family in from out of town were invited to the rehearsal dinner. Yes, there were way more than 30 people there. They even invited the husband and son of the bridesmaid who died four months before the wedding as well as her "replacement" (her mom). My husband's single cousin in from out of town brought a date (She was not in the wedding party). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 I've never heard of inviting out of town guests until this thread. I learn so much here. Those rehearsal dinners I have been to were wedding party and their significant others. Grandparents may have been included. That is as far as anyone we have known has gone, but weddings have become so much more expensive in recent years. It doesn't surprise me to hear rehearsal dinners have grown too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 :lurk5: Our ds got engaged over the weekend. :) I'm hoping we can do a nice-but-casual dinner in the church's reception hall after the rehearsal. I'm trying to figure out a way so that we can openly invite the out-of-towners without breaking the bank by paying for everyone's restaurant meal. I'll start my own WTM thread, once more details are known. My goal is to be hospitable, but not over-spend! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenade Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 (edited) We pretty much invited everyone who was from out of town, but we had a relatively inexpensive rehearsal dinner at a barbecue place. :-) Edited March 1, 2018 by Serenade Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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