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Kinsa

Being suspended from school

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When I was a 6th grader I was walking down the hallway with a girl from my church who loudly called out, "Jenny likes David, Jenny likes David!" I was so embarrassed that I quickly put my hand over her mouth to keep her from continuing to yell to out the name of my crush. She began to cry, said that I had slapped her in the face (!!!), and I was suspended for 2 days. First and only time I ever got into trouble at school for something other than missing/late homework. 

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I can't help but notice that whenever one of these discussions comes up in one of my local parenting groups, there is extreme shaming of parents whose kids were suspended along the lines that the incident must be much worse than they're letting on, the child is probably a danger to his peers, and the parents are poor disciplinarians and this is their fault.

 

It makes me feel really bad for parents in that position.

 

I think it partially has to do with the fact that the absolute focus on meeting academic benchmarks means that teachers and administrators don't feel like they have the time to resolve conflicts and solve problems. And I have little faith in a society that doesn't equip children with those skills, no matter how well they may score on tests. (That they still don't is a whole 'nother story.)

 

I don't think the teachers' job is to resolve the type of conflicts that would get a child suspended. It is the parents job to give the child the skill of controlling his temper, and to play successfully in a group without hurting others.  If they can't, its their job to get help..they don't get to pass off their responsiblity to a teacher or to a police officer.  When I was a kid, delinquent boys would actually be moved to an Uncle's home for  a fresh start plus an apprenticeship...haven't seen that in the last ten years. 

 

I feel, as a parent whose dc's school changed to full inclusion, that academics are severely neglected..the school is doing the minimum to get everyone to pass, which allows many children too much free time. and idle time is the devil's work when the lack of funding means the librarian has been let go, no e-readers can be brought in, and thumb twiddling is encouraged. That's a huge opening fo bullying to grow. 

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I don't think the teachers' job is to resolve the type of conflicts that would get a child suspended. It is the parents job to give the child the skill of controlling his temper, and to play successfully in a group without hurting others.  If they can't, its their job to get help..they don't get to pass off their responsiblity to a teacher or to a police officer.  When I was a kid, delinquent boys would actually be moved to an Uncle's home for  a fresh start plus an apprenticeship...haven't seen that in the last ten years. 

 

I feel, as a parent whose dc's school changed to full inclusion, that academics are severely neglected..the school is doing the minimum to get everyone to pass, which allows many children too much free time. and idle time is the devil's work when the lack of funding means the librarian has been let go, no e-readers can be brought in, and thumb twiddling is encouraged. That's a huge opening fo bullying to grow. 

 

The school I was at last year (I was at 2 schools, this was the afternoon school) had a library that had no librarian.  The school was given only so much funding and they felt their $$ would be better utilized by hiring another person for a different job.  

 

I was surprised.

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To a private school associated with the hospital for troubled kids. The child is picking up terrible behaviors at this program. The school does not want her to return until she completed the program. The program is not giving her updates on when she will be considered completed.

 

I think she needs a lawyer, but doesn’t have the funds for one.

 

Who is paying for the private school and hospital treatment?

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I can't help but notice that whenever one of these discussions comes up in one of my local parenting groups, there is extreme shaming of parents whose kids were suspended along the lines that the incident must be much worse than they're letting on, the child is probably a danger to his peers, and the parents are poor disciplinarians and this is their fault.

 

It makes me feel really bad for parents in that position.

 

I think it partially has to do with the fact that the absolute focus on meeting academic benchmarks means that teachers and administrators don't feel like they have the time to resolve conflicts and solve problems. And I have little faith in a society that doesn't equip children with those skills, no matter how well they may score on tests. (That they still don't is a whole 'nother story.)

 

There is usually "my side," "your side," and the truth.

 

Most people are not going to be completely honest and tell you what their child did.  AND, after dealing with parents where I am now, I can assure you parents don't believe you when you tell them what happened.  

 

And it is parents like this who DO contribute to the issue.

 

One child in particular ( I have lots of stories!) contests every single thing we do. Their kid is a major hellion.  We can even show them the VIDEO of their kid and they still say we are picking on their kid, we provoke it, blah, blah, blah.  They are a nightmare.

 

But you are right about testing and benchmarks.  This job is NOT what it used to be.  Not even close.

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I was in the middle of a situation last year where a parent said her teen was a victim and did nothing wrong.  And I had like 8 teens saying this kid threatened with a weapon.  I know for a fact the kid lied to the parent.  To this day, this parent thinks the kid is as innocent and was bullied out an activity by horrible falsely accusing adults.  It's not always easy for everyone to get everyone on the same page as to what actually happened.  Kids very often don't report things objectively.  There is a kid in one of our activities that tends to get "bullied" (more isolated skirmishes).  Well, she has very poor social boundaries and often is pushing buttons of kids without knowing.  Honestly, I think the kid has undiagnosed things going on.  But to her parent, she is ALWAYS the victim.  Even though the kid is very loud and pushy.

 

If a child breaks skin on another child, that is serious and needs to be handled as such. 

 

I also don't understand why parents allow their children to stay in school situations long term where there is bullying and nothing is being done.  But I'm a crazy parent who pulled my kid out of school due to poor fit.  We had not planned to homeschool. 

 

I guess I'm fairly sympathetic to what teachers are putting up with these days. 

Edited by FuzzyCatz
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I don't think the teachers' job is to resolve the type of conflicts that would get a child suspended. It is the parents job to give the child the skill of controlling his temper, and to play successfully in a group without hurting others.  If they can't, its their job to get help..they don't get to pass off their responsiblity to a teacher or to a police officer.  When I was a kid, delinquent boys would actually be moved to an Uncle's home for  a fresh start plus an apprenticeship...haven't seen that in the last ten years. 

 

I feel, as a parent whose dc's school changed to full inclusion, that academics are severely neglected..the school is doing the minimum to get everyone to pass, which allows many children too much free time. and idle time is the devil's work when the lack of funding means the librarian has been let go, no e-readers can be brought in, and thumb twiddling is encouraged. That's a huge opening fo bullying to grow. 

 

There is no way kids can spend six or more hours a day at school and not need teachers to help resolve issues.  (And it can be a lot more than 6, the sister of the kid I babysit is often at school for 9 or 10.)

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This truly depends on the school. My oldest dd teaches inner city 5th grade. Even assaulting a teacher w I'll not get you suspended. The variability among schools is crazy. The elementary school my kids would attend suspended 1 student last year. What schools are kicking kids out for meltdowns?!

 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk

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Does suspending a student accomplish anything?

 

A break from the students and teachers whose learning environment is compromised by that student. That said, your concerns are legitimate. The problem our school administrators have is that if the principal reports an issue to the parents, they rarely do anything significant to ensure the behavior stops, leaving principals with little recourse if the student has already had several bouts with ISS (in school suspension). In ISS, they do get to do their classwork.....

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What makes a suspension a bad thing ? Aren’t the students just happy to be out of class? Do teachers give work??

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Who is paying for the private school and hospital treatment?

She didn’t answer with an answer that I understood. I can’t imagine that she has the money to pay.

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She didn’t answer with an answer that I understood. I can’t imagine that she has the money to pay.

 

I am just curious where someone with no financial resources would go.  There has to be a place.

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What makes a suspension a bad thing ? Aren’t the students just happy to be out of class? Do teachers give work??

Any and all graded assignments on days of suspension earn a zero.

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