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Elizabeth86

Do you have a kid that talks constantly?

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My 6 year year old talks constantly. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy listening to my kids, but I don't exaggerate when I say nonstop. If my other kids want to talk to me or show me something, I can't wait until he is done because he never is within a reasonable time frame to have them wait. I just tell him someone else needs to say something and half the time he doesn't quit talking. It's almost like he doesn't notice or care I am not listening. I explain to him when I'm working on something else that at that moment I can't focus on what he is saying and could he wait, but he just talks on. We were just outside playing and while my other 2 played nicely he paced back and forth telling me about this pretend video game he has invented. I have literally listened to him talk for an entire 30 minute car ride with none of the other kids making a peep because he is talking the whole time. I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for here. I don't know, but just maybe reassurance I'm not evil mother for feeling frustrated by this. It's almost like all of his thoughts come out of his mouth. He just can't sit and daydream about them. I love him dearly and do value what he has to say, but I would enjoy it more if the whole family could have a conversation instead of him basically telling us a story that never ever ends. He has a real problem being satisfied just playing. He doesn't just round around and play. He doesn't enjoy toys much. Well I suppose, let the criticism begin as. it always goes here.

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I have three like this!

 

Sometimes I hold up a finger and interrupt just so someone else has a chance to speak.

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Ds10 does. I tune out a lot, though, and I have told him that I do. I tune everyone out after a while, though. Not intentionally. My mind just wanders.

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Ds10 does. I tune out a lot, though, and I have told him that I do. I tune everyone out after a while, though. Not intentionally. My mind just wanders.

 

Yep, I tell my kid when I'm tuning out.  He doesn't seem to mind. 

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Yes.

Walking home from school with the kids I had to allocate "air time": DD got to talk till we reached the green trash can, DS got to talk until the big tree, DD got to talk until the stop light, DS got to talk until home :)

When we were hiking with the kids, we would split up so each kid had an adult who could give them undivided attention for several hours. I heard sooo much about every detail of every video game my DS played, because that's what he was interested in.

 

All that patient listening paid huge dividends: as teenagers, they are used to being listened to, so they keep talking to us. Which is wonderful.

 

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I had to teach my youngest to have conversations.  We would practice: I would say something and stop; he would say something and stop; I would say something and stop....  He just didn't intuitively pick up the rhythm of conversation.  I also gave him guidelines: if someone says 'uh huh' or similar twice in a row, it's your responsibility to stop and ask them a question.

 

He was about eight when we did this.  He doesn't monologue now, but I don't know if he would have grown out of it on his own.  My brother never did.

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My adult children never stop talking. They are like giant toddlers. So annoying.

 

Eta: I write this as my daughter came home and immediately started talking. .........still talking........

Edited by MooCow
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While he talks, maybe you can daydream about him becoming rich and famous. Rod Serling's family told a story about this exact thing: 

 

Rod often talked to people around him without waiting for their answers. On a two hour trip from Binghamton to Syracuse the rest of the family remained silent to see if Rod would notice their lack of participation. He did not, talking nonstop through the entire car ride. 

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rod_Serling

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If he has passions and gives fact after fact and doesn't notice social clues about his talking, then I'd look into spectrum issues. 

If not, then you can help him respect a boundary, but please give him time to talk. Some people naturally process outloud! 

 

But, 

I hear ya. 

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Yep. It’s one of the symptoms of his autism/ADHD. He rarely notices if one is not listening to him, but the cobstabr chatter/noise-making is really hard on my nerves.

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If he has passions and gives fact after fact and doesn't notice social clues about his talking, then I'd look into spectrum issues.

If not, then you can help him respect a boundary, but please give him time to talk. Some people naturally process outloud!

 

But,

I hear ya.

Trust me, I do give him time to talk. I know it's important to him so I do, but it does wear me out.

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One like this and it never stopped.  Recently I picked her up from college and she talked the entire 2.5 hour car ride home.  When she was younger she would also be very hurt if she sensed that I was tuning her out.  She really felt that I did not value HER if I did not value listening to her talk  (about random nothing things..) 

 

I tried to be better about listening but also explained that sometimes I just could not give her my full attention and that it was not personal.  There were also times when I had to say, "I'm sorry, but I need you to be quiet right now so I can focus on something."  It was a process.  As an introvert, she still wears me out!

 

And, contrary to all expectations, she is actually engaged to a guy who loves to listen to her talk.  He says it relaxes him and takes his mind off stressful things.  So, there is someone for everyone! ;)

 

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My sympathies, because my six year old son is the same way. It's exhausting and intense.  He's at my Mom's today at it's SO QUIET AND NICE here! And yes, I love him, but he talks from the time his eyes pop open in the morning, "Hey Mom lemme tell you about my dream...." until they close at night. We definitely have strictly enforced quiet time here and I purposely have a car with a DVD system and headphones in the back because driving is one of the only times I get silence. They get to watch a show, I get to listen to someone besides a child for 20 minutes. Could the time be better spent listening to audiobooks together or discussing meaningful, beautiful things while we drive? NOPE. Because a mother's sanity is well worth the price of whatever 30 minutes of Pixar does to a child's brain. :D

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One like this and it never stopped.  Recently I picked her up from college and she talked the entire 2.5 hour car ride home.  When she was younger she would also be very hurt if she sensed that I was tuning her out.  She really felt that I did not value HER if I did not value listening to her talk  (about random nothing things..) 

 

I tried to be better about listening but also explained that sometimes I just could not give her my full attention and that it was not personal.  There were also times when I had to say, "I'm sorry, but I need you to be quiet right now so I can focus on something."  It was a process.  As an introvert, she still wears me out!

 

And, contrary to all expectations, she is actually engaged to a guy who loves to listen to her talk.  He says it relaxes him and takes his mind off stressful things.  So, there is someone for everyone! ;)

 

 

Ha, my one is like this. And just like you I had to sometimes say, 'I need to concentrate on this right now so I need you to stop talking.'  My mom said I was/am the same way.  

 

I only had one though so the days when he was little were much easier on me...easier to give him all the attention.  These days he goes through spells....sometimes he won't hardly say a word to me and other days he is just like he was when he was 6.

 

The days are long but the years are short.

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I’ve told my kids never to mention I their brother that there’s such a thing as a radio personality. Getting paid for talking! Of course then I could turn him off...

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Mine is 22 now.

 

When he was around three or four we were at my parents' house and my dad--not really joking--asked DS if he'd be quiet for five minutes if he (grandpa) gave him $5. W/o missing a beat DS said "No" and kept right on talking. :lol:

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Yes and he has ADD.

 

I also know adults like this and I'm so glad that I do. Because they're FINE. They're totally fine. They are courageous and hard-working and kind. If I did not know these adults I might be tempted to draw erroneous conclusions about my son.

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Mine is 22 now.

 

When he was around three or four we were at my parents' house and my dad--not really joking--asked DS if he'd be quiet for five minutes if he (grandpa) gave him $5. W/o missing a beat DS said "No" and kept right on talking. :lol:

:lol: I love it!

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Yes. And I have resorted at times to sending that child to Talk To The Dog.

 

Or put myself in Time Out in my bedroom when I needed a break from the talking.

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Yes. My 8yo DS. He only stops talking if he’s sleeping. We can sometimes get him to stop talking if we listen to a radio drama that’s super engaging. Usually he has tons of comments though or repeats his favorite parts as it plays. He is very orally fixated. He talks, chews gum, eats intensely flavored foods, sucks his thumb, sings, plays his harmonica...his mouth has to be doing something at all times. It’s exhausting. Sometimes he’ll just make up nonsense words so he can keep talking. Last week a friend and I took our kids to a nursing home to play games with the residents. He played checkers with a man who had never played before and was hard of hearing. He talked the entire hour and half explaining the game and repeating himself multiple times. He loved it and can’t wait to go again. The man he was playing with and another watching him thought he was the best thing ever. DS very likely has ADHD.

 

 

 

I’ve heard that DH was like this as a child. His mother used to offer to pay him if he’d stop talking for 5 minutes. He never got paid. He’s likely ADHD as well. As an adult he goes in spurts. Currently he’s on a chatty streak. Between DS and DH my ears are tired.

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Yes.  She is what I'd call an extreme extrovert.  She loves being around people all the time, and she processes everything out loud.  It can be exhausting!  Even when she was a little girl, my mother would always seat her next to the company at large gatherings to help keep the conversation going.  Almost everyone else in the entire extended family is more in the introvert range.   :)

 

The nice thing is, I always know what she's thinking!

 

 

 

Edited by J-rap
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The nice thing is, I always know what she's thinking!

Yes! My 10 year old is a verbal processor. If he is upset or gets in trouble he’ll be in his room talking up a storm to no one. He never thinks inside his head, so it’s never a mystery what is on his mind.

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Haha :) brought back memories to read your post. My now 24 yo talked non stop until the teen years. I thought my poor husband was going to go insane. He has completely normal interactions now but back then it was a constant stream of verbal processing at rapid fire rate. He hardly would stop to listen to anyone else.

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My oldest processes things verbally. It's like she can't really think about them unless she's saying them out loud. For an introvert who lives in her head most of the time, this has been very foreign and absolutely exhausting. She also doesn't require a very engaged audience. It was like she was just using me to think her thoughts, she needed me there, but not because of anything about me.

 

It IS reasonable for him to want to speak quite a bit more than normal people.

But it IS reasonable for you to teach him to be quiet and allow other people time to talk or even to allow other people time in the silence.

 

When Oldest was as young as five or six years old, I started telling her that I needed time along with my thoughts. It started off just a couple minutes and built from there. If she started talking again, I would gently remind her that we were being quiet now. I only did this once she had gotten to share all about her day first.

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Yes! More than one actually but one in particular, because she wants an audience and the other one will just talk to himself (he talks the whole time he eats...I hope I can succeed in teaching him manners someday). I've said before about my biggest talker that I think every thought that's ever popped into her head comes right out her mouth. She definitely processes things externally. It drives me nuts because too much noise bothers me, and she'll start talking without paying any attention to whether it's a good time to say something. I can be in the middle of correcting another child and she starts talking to me. Sometimes I have to tell her that she needs to have her discussion in her own head because I just can't stand to hear her having a debate with herself on, say, the pros and cons of what leggings she should wear that day.

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My 37 year old friend is this way. :). I go to the movies with her every week. She doesn’t talk during the movie, but once we get back to my house, we sit in the car for about 2 hours and she talks almost non-stop. Oddly enough, I find it relaxing to listen to her talk. Sometimes I cut her off to say something, but most I just let her talk. She can talk for 30, 40 minutes with no more than an uh-huh from me. There is no expectation from me and I just listen to her stories. She’s happy, I’m happy. Win win.

 

She says she’s always been this way and she still talks to her mother every day for an hour or two. :)

Edited by Garga
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