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heartlikealion

daycare/preschool ques. and other ramblings

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Heartlikealion, I think you're doing great!

 

I read a book recently that you might like. It is called The House that Cleans Itself by Mindy Starks Clark. I liked it because the author is a naturally messy person who eventually figured out a method to keep her house clean. It had a very different, forgiving tone than the typical advice written by naturally tidy people. I checked out a digital copy from my library, so nothing to lose!

 

Keep up the good work!

 

I need to check out this book

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I don't know if I should have "liked" the paper twin comment Lol but I think you know what I mean! 

 

I've had a strange issue lately. My phone needs replaced (or I need to plug it in and try to delete stuff that way to help with space) because I can't even take and keep a photo. I mean, I don't get a message anymore saying too full. It lets me take a picture and shows a thumbnail but then disappears and is no longer in the photo section. I would rely on that for a lot of things. Take a pic of something so if I can't find the hard copy or don't need a physical copy, I still have the info. I have a photo with library hours, I have notes in my phone, reminders, and obviously too many pictures. I literally cannot delete photos from my phone. It will no longer let me. I did once try to move everything to the PC but then the files weren't all moving over. The counts were off. I was worried I was losing something important. So then dh told me download this app Shoebox and then Shoebox will store the photos and you can delete them off your phone. But then I though Shoebox wasn't necessarily moving them all over and now I just have too many photos, shoebox, and I think I once had Dropbox. Ugh! And my email was not loading properly on my phone sometimes because of the sheer volume of unread/not deleted emails. It's basically an email account for coupons and stuff but then I get a million promotion emails a day. Sometimes I need them (digital coupons) and sometimes it's just clutter in my box. I deleted my email app on my phone in hopes it would help my phone function. I think it did a little, but basically I think I need to just do a lot of deleting. Sigh. I hate to pay for a new phone but reality is they start going to crap after a while. I have a iphone 5s and it does not qualify for the new battery discount by Apple. I am curious about Android phones at this point. 

 

Dh bought a firesafe for our important documents. Well it's a nightmare. Then he wonders why things are not organized. It's too cramped! It's meant for papers exactly 8.5 x 11. Some items are just not that length and the thing is HEAVY. He wants it stored in this closet but it's cramped. I can access it but to move it out of there is a huge pain so I stand at the closet door to use it sometimes. Anyway, papers don't make it in there when they should or they aren't filed well. The thing came with sooo many files that it was like a clothing store that over stuffs a clothing rack. You can't browse because the hangers are too tight together. So I took a bunch of hanging filing folders out when they were out of town and labeled some manilla folders with tabs. I think I'd rather just have a bigger size or a traditional filing cabinet. But I don't think those are fireproof? 

 

Dh does do dishes sometimes, but neither of us are consistent enough with loading/unloading the dishwasher and it seems to take forever to run a cycle. Maybe they are always like this. It's been so long that I lived without a dishwasher it seems like forever. I usually try to wash a few items by hand before running it and then I have to time it just right so I can open it and get the hot air to dry the dishes better. Most of the time they aren't dry enough so I don't like running it before bed or they are just full of water. I prefer to run it during the day when I know I'll be awake to unload it. 

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We don't use cell phones.

 

I store that kind of information in my gmail account (if I have an appt for next Monday, I'll email myself APPOINTMENT NEXT MONDAY AT 5!) and then delete it once the appointment is over.  For recurring things that I might need to know while I'm out of the house, I have a card or two in my wallet.  I have a pretty simple life, though, so I don't have a lot of that stuff to keep track of for the most part.  For instance, we don't use the library (for books).  

 

I used to have two email accounts; one for spam (for things I signed up for to get some discount or another but didn't actually want the regular emails from) and one real one.  Eventually I just unsubscribed from all of the spam and merged into one email account; I don't sign up for things now for discounts.  I just don't do discount programs or coupons or whatever - waaaaay too much mental work.  I buy used clothes/things and store brand processed food and there aren't a lot of coupons out there for fresh lettuce, so they're generally worthless to me anyway.

 

We keep important documents in a non-firesafe location.  But there aren't like a ton of them.  I mean, you could fit them all in a small backpack and have room for 3 sets of clothes and toiletries.  Basically it's just SS cards, passports, marriage license, my college diploma (I have no idea why we keep this), birth certificates, title to the car.  

 

Eta: for the dishes, DS9 does them (before that, DD12 did most of them).  Before either of them were old enough for dishes, I did them, but it never took more than 15 or 20 minutes.  We only keep one set of dishes - enough of each thing for each of us to have one - so it's hard for them to get too overwhelming.  DH is one of those people who rinses his dishes as he eats, and he's taught the kids to do this as well.  I agree that it is the wisest course of action and very easy to do.  It also makes doing the dishes easy on DS9 - he just washes pots, largely, and the dishes I haven't rinsed off, then puts them in the dishwasher.  Caked on food is much harder to wash off than just-eaten food.

Edited by eternalsummer
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What are you storing in your fire safe OP? I can't think of many documents that would need to be there. SS cards, birth certificates, passports if you have them, maybe a will or life insurance policy information.

 

Really pretty much everything is replaceable.

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I cleaned out under my kitchen sink yesterday but haven't yet replaced the stuff that is going back in (trash bags and dish detergent) because I took advantage of having it empty to paint the bottom of the cupboard white.

 

It looks much nicer that way.

 

Hopefully the paint is dry enough this morning that I can put stuff back in.

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One thing I do for documents that would be a pain to replace (or hard to find if I lost them) is scan them using my very basic printer/scanner ($40 at Walmart, and we use it mostly as a printer), then email it to myself and archive it so it's stored in my email.  I guess if you were super worried about identity theft or something you might not want to do this, but we have good passwords and 2-point authentication (so they call you when you try to sign in from a new location, etc.) on all email accounts and the like.  It definitely gives me peace of mind because I can lose last year's tax return or our lease agreement or the kids' shot records or whatever and it's no big deal.  

 

It isn't good for things like passports, of course, or the car title or birth certificates, because having the originals of those is useful, but for the rest of it I find that the scan works just as well.

 

 

 

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Heartlikealion, I think you're doing great!

 

I read a book recently that you might like. It is called The House that Cleans Itself by Mindy Starks Clark. I liked it because the author is a naturally messy person who eventually figured out a method to keep her house clean. It had a very different, forgiving tone than the typical advice written by naturally tidy people. I checked out a digital copy from my library, so nothing to lose!

 

Keep up the good work!

 

Thank you!

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dishwashers do take forever now;  unload is a task for the dc as part of breakfast prep - little one sets table, big one puts remainder away

 

with the drying -are you using rinse aid?  if the trouble is the way the dishes are positioned, consider two loads. 

 

 we had to make a dinner procedure that works for us and the layout of our kitchen, since dh was raised not to do anything but hand the dog a scrap and depart from the table.  Our dc have unload dw and set table , everyone takes their own plate in, scrapes it in the trash, and puts it and utensils in dw.  one parent cleans off rest of table & stores leftovers, other parent loads dw and handwashes items that should be handwashed.  Ds removes kitchen trash weekly to outside trashcan. Parent that finishes first takes dc outside and supervises them if weather is good, otherwise is in charge of whatever they do indoors.

 

Enjoy your trip.

 

 

Edited by Heigh Ho
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Or even easier : take everything out of the car that doesn't belong there every single time you get home.

 

 

Thanks, Captain Obvious. This is the second thread of mine you have come into this week to share things that come across as judgy or rude or unhelpful. 

 

 

 

 

DH is OCD, it is automatic for him, it is how he thinks and processes things.  It isn't natural for me but I can't stand a mess too big either.  I think it is super hard for people who do these things naturally (tidy as they go, etc) to really understand a brain that doesn't function that way.  Maybe it is training and upbringing?  Trust me, my DH's parents would have been saying each time to "pick up this" and "pick up that" from a young age but I wasn't trained that way.  I have trained myself but it has taken years to get there.  It still takes a conscious effort each and every time to decided to take it now, do it now, etc rather than "later".  If you don't have those habits before you have kids, it is super hard to develop them while having littles because you are in survival mode.  It CAN be done, but it is ten times the work as someone who was trained that way.  So I get where you both are coming from.  If this is a natural instinct for regentrude then she is not trying to be rude to you, she just simply can't process a world where someone doesn't think this way.  But for you, heartlikealion, it isn't natural.  It is work.  Maybe start with a small area at a time and attempt to retrain your brain.  Don't attack everything at once, it is too overwhelming and you will quit.  Choose one or two areas: maybe the car and then doing dishes consistently?  Build from there, one step at a time.  :grouphug:  For decluttering, choose a room at a time.

 

 You are both wonderful  :grouphug:

Edited by Attolia
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What are you storing in your fire safe OP? I can't think of many documents that would need to be there. SS cards, birth certificates, passports if you have them, maybe a will or life insurance policy information.

 

Really pretty much everything is replaceable.

 

Marriage Certificate

SAT/AP test results

Diplomas

Voting Certificates

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When I had my first child,I was working full time as a very well paid commercial photographer (ie we worked all the time) Hubby had a full time job as well.   I made a couple of discoveries that helped me recover my sanity.   

 

1)  a high needs child is a full time job. Period. Full stop.

 

2) in any job any where, only one can be the manager/boss for the job to function well.

 

3) regardless of my hubby's intentions, everything regarding baby fell to me including household chores/meal times.

 

4) hubby felt the need to be involved in all that and tell me what to do and how without the will/time/ability to  help me

 

5) one day I broke.

 

I don't break nice.

 

Don't let the stuff rule you, you rule the stuff.   Pick one of you to be the person to make it happen and the other person agrees to shut up and get out of the way of making it happen.   Too many chefs in the kitchen is a saying for a reason.  Either you are in charge of the house and all its stuff and the tiny humans and he works  Or you work and he is in charge of the house and all its stuff and the tiny humans.  But in my experience, we couldn't both be in charge and keep the house the way either of us wanted.  The one who wanted the most control also got the responsibility of keeping/maintaining.   Once we realized that, we decided what areas we each needed to control and relinquished that control to the other.   Life was much easier and the house was clean.

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I gave a hard look at the spice rack last night. I took a before photo for you guys but I don't have access to it right now (it's on dh's phone). I have a potential idea to fix it without putting up a shelf. I wish it was a flat surface, not metal bars with gaps, because I want to stack a wire shelf above it (something I found in our butler pantry that we never use because it's not convenient to access). I'll mess with it when I have time and update you guys. Right now I'm supposed to be packing, getting the litter box ready, etc. Apparently we are leaving town earlier than I thought. Dh had to go to the dentist (last min. appt. because of a tooth issue) so he'd like to leave town after his appt.

 

YES, I need dishwasher routines. I honestly don't care for our dishwasher that much because it's hard to fit stuff and water stands in some items (like if I put a pyrex bowl on the bottom shelf. You stand it on the side but water pools in the side). I try to put bowls mostly on the top shelf but I want to use the space on the bottom as well. The plates don't stack great, either. The prongs on the dishwasher are not straight, they are angled. I don't like it. But like I said, it's better than nothing. I'm about to run a load of dish towels so I can do some handwashes for larger items.

 

I was terrible about picking up after myself as a child/teen. My room more or less stayed in a messy state and I'd close the door. I constantly left things on the living room coffee table. I didn't have set chores, exactly. On Sundays we had company and my sisters and I would do a quick sweep, clean the bathroom sinks/counter area... but not too much. I'd also get told to take out the trash but I didn't do it consistently. Basically we didn't live in a very tidy home (we did eat meals at the kitchen table consistently though so probably not full of clutter) and Mom did most of the cleaning. I don't know if my parents ever did detailed cleaning ever so when I hear about it on this board I feel like I'm 20 years behind. Like wiping down baseboards and stuff. I've tried to clean some of ours on a few occasions. Growing up we at least had an entry way where I could hang up a coat or purse or whatever. In the home I lived in in CA my parents had this nook when you walk in and shoe racks. There was a sign, "this house is run Japanese style. Please take off your shoes" or something to that affect. They actually did live in Japan before I was born. We did not wear shoes in the house. We do have a coat rack in the mudroom, but it doesn't feel like an entry way and I hate guests to have to walk through it. I'm making progress on that room this week but I see how much I left to do. If I knew they had the trade in program going on I would take that other swing to Toys R Us. Not for their store credit (it doesn't help me) but just to know they can recycle it or something. That is where I took our other swing. Yes, we had two swings at one point and I tried to get dh to return one. And just like the pack n play and bassinet... I thought it was redundant. But dh really wanted that bassinet and his parents paid for it.

 

The fire safe? I know I have junk in there better suited for other places, but I don't know where to put it without possibly having to buy another filing option. I have shot records, vet records, marriage certificate, birth certificates, and stuff that probably could be thrown out but I don't know about. Dh likes to think he used to have it all organized but truthfully it has never been very manageable imo.

 

I double checked with dh if the person we had in mind as a potential cat parent was interested. He said she thought about it but the answer is no. So I have no idea how long we'll keep the cat but I think she needs rehomed asap. It's just not working out with my family. If I was single I would keep her.

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When I had my first child,I was working full time as a very well paid commercial photographer (ie we worked all the time) Hubby had a full time job as well.   I made a couple of discoveries that helped me recover my sanity.   

 

1)  a high needs child is a full time job. Period. Full stop.

 

2) in any job any where, only one can be the manager/boss for the job to function well.

 

3) regardless of my hubby's intentions, everything regarding baby fell to me including household chores/meal times.

 

4) hubby felt the need to be involved in all that and tell me what to do and how without the will/time/ability to  help me

 

5) one day I broke.

 

I don't break nice.

 

Don't let the stuff rule you, you rule the stuff.   Pick one of you to be the person to make it happen and the other person agrees to shut up and get out of the way of making it happen.   Too many chefs in the kitchen is a saying for a reason.  Either you are in charge of the house and all its stuff and the tiny humans and he works  Or you work and he is in charge of the house and all its stuff and the tiny humans.  But in my experience, we couldn't both be in charge and keep the house the way either of us wanted.  The one who wanted the most control also got the responsibility of keeping/maintaining.   Once we realized that, we decided what areas we each needed to control and relinquished that control to the other.   Life was much easier and the house was clean.

 

This. 100 times this. Dh is not the SAHP but thinks he's in control of the kitchen still. I watched him break down a rolling cart a few days ago to my dismay. I said I was hoping to use that as a cart next to my oven so I can set things down when I'm cooking. He told me to clear off the kitchen counter and use that (which is a couple feet from the oven and currently has a knife block and some other junk). He confirmed he uses every one of those spices and then rudely said, "do you even know what tumeric is used for?" He used to work in kitchens and he still does cook in the home, but he's gone for a lot of meals and he's not the SAHP. I think he's worse at hoarding than I am and this is partly why it's hard for me to declutter.

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DH is OCD, it is automatic for him, it is how he thinks and processes things. It isn't natural for me but I can't stand a mess too big either. I think it is super hard for people who do these things naturally (tidy as they go, etc) to really understand a brain that doesn't function that way. Maybe it is training and upbringing? Trust me, my DH's parents would have been saying each time to "pick up this" and "pick up that" from a young age but I wasn't trained that way. I have trained myself but it has taken years to get there. It still takes a conscious effort each and every time to decided to take it now, do it now, etc rather than "later". If you don't have those habits before you have kids, it is super hard to develop them while having littles because you are in survival mode. It CAN be done, but it is ten times the work as someone who was trained that way. So I get where you both are coming from. If this is a natural instinct for regentrude then she is not trying to be rude to you, she just simply can't process a world where someone doesn't think this way. But for you, heartlikealion, it isn't natural. It is work. Maybe start with a small area at a time and attempt to retrain your brain. Don't attack everything at once, it is too overwhelming and you will quit. Choose one or two areas: maybe the car and then doing dishes consistently? Build from there, one step at a time. :grouphug: For decluttering, choose a room at a time.

 

You are both wonderful :grouphug:

It really isn't :just: training and practice, though of course those make a difference.

 

My mom was an orderly person and a great housekeeper. She tried for years to teach me to be orderly.

 

My ADHD brain just does not function that way.

 

My younger sister has normal executive function skills, her closet was always orderly.

 

Mine? Not a chance. And it wasn't because I didn't care or didn't want it to be orderly.

 

Eternalsummer's example is significant to me because I know she is not a person with good natural executive function. She has made her life work by keeping most of it very simple.

 

It gives me hope that maybe I can get there!

 

Advice from people who are naturally orderly is rarely very helpful to those of us who aren't because our brains and theirs do not function the same way. The best advice usually comes from people with poor executive function who have figured out ways to structure their lives so that internal chaos does not result in external chaos.

 

I like regentrude a lot, I know she wasn't intending to come across as judgmental or rude.

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This. 100 times this. Dh is not the SAHP but thinks he's in control of the kitchen still. I watched him break down a rolling cart a few days ago to my dismay. I said I was hoping to use that as a cart next to my oven so I can set things down when I'm cooking. He told me to clear off the kitchen counter and use that (which is a couple feet from the oven and currently has a knife block and some other junk). He confirmed he uses every one of those spices and then rudely said, "do you even know what tumeric is used for?" He used to work in kitchens and he still does cook in the home, but he's gone for a lot of meals and he's not the SAHP. I think he's worse at hoarding than I am and this is partly why it's hard for me to declutter.

It does sound to me like your Dh is the worse hoarder.

 

This is one reason I was really hoping the two of you could work with a professional with experience helping hoarders. If you are trying to get a handle on it--and your desire to do so is clear in this thread--but he is fighting you every step of the way it is going to both put a strain on your relationship and be difficult to make real progress.

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It really isn't :just: training and practice, though of course those make a difference.

 

My mom was an orderly person and a great housekeeper. She tried for years to teach me to be orderly.

 

My ADHD brain just does not function that way.

 

My younger sister has normal executive function skills, her closet was always orderly.

 

Mine? Not a chance. And it wasn't because I didn't care or didn't want it to be orderly.

 

Eternalsummer's example is significant to me because I know she is not a person with good natural executive function. She has made her life work by keeping most of it very simple.

 

It gives me hope that maybe I can get there!

 

Advice from people who are naturally orderly is rarely very helpful to those of us who aren't because our brains and theirs do not function the same way. The best advice usually comes from people with poor executive function who have figured out ways to structure their lives so that internal chaos does not result in external chaos.

 

I like regentrude a lot, I know she wasn't intending to come across as judgmental or rude.

 

 

 

I have serious ADD issues.  I think that is why I have to constantly work at it and would still be considered a "failure" according to my DH's family's standards.  It has taken so much work for me to train myself into habits in small areas and I have so many more areas to grow in.  I am still not instinctively tidying as I go.  I don't know that I will ever think this way. DH has zero ADD.  Is there an opposite to ADD?  Whatever that is, he has it.   :laugh:

Edited by Attolia
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For the spice rack on the wire shelves, you could put a thin piece or wood or even cardboard on the shelf and then place the rack over it. That would keep stuff from falling through.

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<snip>

 

Advice from people who are naturally orderly is rarely very helpful to those of us who aren't because our brains and theirs do not function the same way. The best advice usually comes from people with poor executive function who have figured out ways to structure their lives so that internal chaos does not result in external chaos.

 

<snip>

 

Oh yes.

 

It reminds me of past conversations about my LD/ADHD kid with someone whose kids are neurotypical and/or gifted:  

 

"Can't he just study/work harder?"

 

Um, no. That's not how it works, but... thanks?

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This. 100 times this. Dh is not the SAHP but thinks he's in control of the kitchen still. I watched him break down a rolling cart a few days ago to my dismay. I said I was hoping to use that as a cart next to my oven so I can set things down when I'm cooking. He told me to clear off the kitchen counter and use that (which is a couple feet from the oven and currently has a knife block and some other junk). He confirmed he uses every one of those spices and then rudely said, "do you even know what tumeric is used for?" He used to work in kitchens and he still does cook in the home, but he's gone for a lot of meals and he's not the SAHP. I think he's worse at hoarding than I am and this is partly why it's hard for me to declutter.

 

I'll suggest you do what the college kids sometimes do with slob roommates, until your other cook is ready to compromise.....box his stuff up and put it in his closet. He can get it out when he has the time to cook, he can clean it, and he can return it to storage.  If he fails to clean it and return it, put the dirties in a plastic bag ,  seal it, and bag + clean stuff go back in the box.  Small kitchens have no room on the counter for seldom used things.  He should know that, and you might ask him, once you are done giving the side eye, to professionally set up the kitchen for you..he should know how to make an efficient work triangle. 

Edited by Heigh Ho
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I don't think I have ADD, but I think he does. I do get overwhelmed easily, though. And I hate being interrupted. I get out of my zone and I get frustrated. Like, if I'm working on a task and then the toddler creates a new mess or something, it kinda messes up my pace I guess you'd say.

 

There is no his/her built-in closet. We have one teeny tiny bedroom closet. Then we each have a free standing wardrobe. I recently tried to reorganize his and moved it to his side of the room. I moved the laundry sorter back into our room on his side of the bed. I put labels on each bag "shirts," "pants/shorts," "underwear/socks," and "misc" (which I've been using for sheets). But he doesn't want to stuff his dress shirts in it because he says they'll get more wrinkled. So he stacks his shirts on the top of his dresser. He doesn't hang up his pants, he lays them on top of the wardrobe. Ugh. Nothing looks tidy. We have argued off/on about who needs to iron his work shirts. Sometimes I do, but if I don't then he usually just wears them wrinkled or with a jacket over. I can see why he doesn't want them extra wrinkled because he can't rely on his wife to consistently iron them, but I also think, "isn't that kinda your problem?" I've been ironing in the hallway lately because we store the ironing board by the iron which hangs on a mount by our bathroom in a little nook beside a towel rack. It's confusing to explain. I hate ironing and in order to do it I feel like I have to have the kids out of my hair which means I usually do it really early or in the evening. He won't let most of his shirts go in the dryer and I'm not usually organized enough to wash all the shirts early in the weekend, let them hang dry, then iron them all over the weekend. Plus some of the shirts are colors I don't want to wash together. I just bought him a shirt and they sent the wrong thing so now I have that to deal with, too. I was hoping a couple more shirts would help with the rotation plus he asked for some. I'm getting way off topic, if there is one in this post lol.

 

Yes, I tried putting down some wood to hold the rack up, but the wood was just a bit too narrow (it was the wood side shelving from the TV stand we're gonna get rid of). I did think of cardboard, but I don't know if that would attract bugs. Right now it has some sort of mesh looking stuff but not strong enough to hold another rack up. I thought about trying to fit some wide feet on the rack, but they would probably fall off the skinny rack legs. I'll give it some more thought. I might just move some items off that area all together. Maybe put them in the butler pantry if they are seldom used.

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Just a quick note re: dress shirts.  I take the shirts out of the dryer while they are still damp, hang them, smooth them out, and let them dry naturally - they rarely need ironing.  This works with almost all my husband's shirts, though the oxford cloth type isn't as easy to do.  But when ironing is needed, he does it because I learned early on to do a poor job of it.  (Not really intentionally, but I wasn't interested in improving my skills and he did not ask me to.)

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Just a quick note re: dress shirts.  I take the shirts out of the dryer while they are still damp, hang them, smooth them out, and let them dry naturally - they rarely need ironing.  This works with almost all my husband's shirts, though the oxford cloth type isn't as easy to do.  But when ironing is needed, he does it because I learned early on to do a poor job of it.  (Not really intentionally, but I wasn't interested in improving my skills and he did not ask me to.)

 

Did it cause any shrinkage? That is my number 1 concern. I order his shirts from B&T stores and he really needs the length. He's tall with a long torso.

 

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is there a dry cleaner on his commute route?  

 

No, he doesn't usually commute. Only some days he has to go out of town. Most days he works in walking distance and this town doesn't have a cleaners. I'm not sure where the nearest is. I discussed dry cleaning in the past. We were concerned about the expense. But maybe I should go talk to a cleaners and get an estimate. Also I vaguely remember us discussing the shirts coming back smelling of chemicals.

 

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We started taking dh's dress shirts to a cleaner to be laundered and ironed. It was inexpensive and no one has time for all of that ironing.

 

ETA: they actually wash them rather than dry clean them.

Edited by lovelearnandlive
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I let my husband handle his dress shirts. He is also quite picky about how they are washed, not dried completely, hung right away, and ironed with lots of starch. Sometimes he will take them to the dry cleaners to have them laundered. It’s kind of pricey to do it that way, $1.75 per shirt. Sometimes I do launder them because he appreciates it, but the reality is that I have enough to do that I can’t keep up with laundering his dress shirts how he would like them done on a regular basis. He gets that so he doesn’t ask for my help unless he’s headed out of town and really needs help getting them done.

 

What I hear you saying in your posts is that you and your husband are not on the same page on a lot of different things. That has got to be tough! I don’t know how you need to address that, but I do recognize that it creates challenges that not all of us are facing. You are doing a good job, keep doing the best you can.

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Did it cause any shrinkage? That is my number 1 concern. I order his shirts from B&T stores and he really needs the length. He's tall with a long torso.

 

 

Haven't noticed or heard of any shrinkage problems. My husband also is tall with a long torso, so he buys "tall" shirts when he can find them, though the dress shirts from Costco are not labeled as tall and they work for him.

 

LL Bean is great for long torso shirts. Most of my husband's casual  shirts come from them.  But they can be pricey if you can't catch a sale.  

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Let me ask a serious question (especially want to hear feedback of people that cook a lot)

 

How many stock pots do you think is reasonable to own in a small home?

How many strainers?

How many knives/knife blocks?

How many crock pots?

Casserole dishes? ie. 9x13, etc. 

 

I own one flat strainer and it's my favorite because it's quick to clean and doesn't take up much space. Dh insists on round bowl strainers and has two. Somewhere we have one of those miniture silicon ones where the silicon folds flat. I have asked him to compromise and get rid of one bowl type but he refuses. Stock pots. We have one tall non stick and one metal (which I'm about to toss), and then I recently got a short wide one (which I guess can be called a stock pot?) from MIL that I love and I use it all the time. I hate the tall ones because they are too difficult to wash and lift when full. 

 

We have two knife blocks. I personally only use like 3 knives in the house. I actually brought up that knife thing that some of you mentioned on another thread, but it does not look like it would mount to our cabinets. I think we just need to reduce reduce reduce. Crock pots, we have 3. One is a casserole crock pot and it's currently at dh's work. And now we have an Instant Pot. We also have a canner. Dh does the canning and it's like 1-2x a year. I don't even eat the kind of stuff he cans, but he gave some away as gifts at Christmas which was nice. 

 

Is LL Bean an in-store thing? I think I've only seen them online. Same for Land's End which I hear about here all the time (I know they have stores but I have never personally seen one). 

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I've been trying to figure out how to say this gently.  It seems like a major part of the problem is a DH problem.  You cleaned up the mudroom, so he dumped a bunch of stuff in there.  That totally disrespected all the work you did in there.  You have all the responsibility and none of the authority.  I would have a talk with him and point out the responsibility/authority issue.   If the living areas are your responsibility to keep clean and clutter free, then you need to authority to deal with the stuff.  Tell him that he will have until trash day to sort through the stuff in the Goodwill bags.  Anything he rescues needs to be stored in The_Area_Designated_For_His_Stuff_Probably_His_Closet.  I would also make a rule that NO ONE can place ANYTHING in a space that you have de-cluttered.   No one.  

 

Then buy the cheapest banker's boxes from Walmart to put in the attic the things you aren't using right now, but that you don't want to throw/donate.  Things like the DVD's and the player.   Goodwill is super easy to donate to.   

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I am not professionally trained, but I am a fairly serious "home" cook.  I've taken some classes in French cooking and some in technique cooking.

 

How many stock pots do you think is reasonable to own in a small home?

In a small home, which I now live in, I have one stock pot, and 2-3 pans with covers.  

 

How many strainers?

I now own two strainers, because that's what I have room for.  I have a large one that is sufficient to handle a lot of veggies to be scrubbed or 2 lbs. of pasta, and I have a Japanese rice strainer that I use for rinsing my grains and berries.

 

How many knives/knife blocks?

I have one knife block.  If I could mount a magnetic bar to mount my knives, I would own fewer. I have a good all-purpose knife, two Santuko knives, a bread knife, and a large carving knife that I would keep if I had to downsize my knives.

 

How many crock pots?

I do not own a crock pot.  I have two instant pots, and those only because I sometimes use one as a rice cooker while I use the other for my protein. I have room for them, but if I didn't, I would only own one

 

Casserole dishes? ie. 9x13, etc. 

​I own six, but only because I also have a stand alone freezer that I also keep fairly filled.  I do batch cooking where I will prepare double the food, and store the extra in the freezer.  I usually keep 2 "empty" dishes in the cabinet because with my family size, we easily consume one 9x13 per meal, and if we have guests, we bump into a second 9x13 unless I stretch with salad, bread, etc and keep the portion sizes tight.

 

I just finished two months living in a tiny apartment with my family during a relocation.  I cooked with one cutting board, one all purpose knife, two wooden spoons, a soup ladle, one strainer, two pots, two cookie sheets, one mixing bowl, and one instant pot.  I kept a handful of spices on hand (salt, pepper, chili powder, cumin, cinnamon, parsley, oregano, basil, and vanilla).  We ate well, and we planned our meals around what I could make with what is before me.  I used my instant pot as a skillet quite a bit, and we ate free form bread instead of stuff in loaf pans. In my mind, that's what a chef does.  They look at what is in front of them, and use it---what's in season or on sale at the store, what tools they have on hand, and so on.

 

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How tall is your tall husband?  Is he needing beyond a 36/37 sleeve length?  My husband is 6'3", so he brushes up against big/tall and wore dress shirts daily for work. He often traveled, so he lived out of a carryon bag for a week at a time.  We never ironed, and we bought shirts that didn't need to be ironed. We planned his wardrobe for the life we had.  

 

Lands End has stores. LL Bean is mostly catalog, but I've seen a few stores.  My boys still wear the Lands End uniform white dress shirts and trousers, and they do wear well, but I haven't been as impressed with their adult lines.

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Did it cause any shrinkage? That is my number 1 concern. I order his shirts from B&T stores and he really needs the length. He's tall with a long torso.

 

Just have them dry cleaned. It isn't that expensive for dress shirts.

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With spices, if you keep a lot it's not good for most anyway, because they get tired and the flavour is poor.  So it's usually better to keep mainly the ones you use a lot and cook with those in mind.  

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FWIW, my kitchen is poor for storage and I have 1 large 9X13 casserole pan, I have four knives, one colander and one small strainer.  I have more stock pots than I need, a mainly because they came together, but they are stored nested so I don't really care. One canning pot. I have a chine round casserole and an enabled cast iron pot with a lid.  

 

I have three crock pots in different sizes but if I had an instant I'd get rid of the two larger ones and only keep the tiny one.

 

If I needed to downsize though, I could cut out lots of stuff.  

 

I kind of agree with the others, your dh is a big part of the problem here.  

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I have one very big stockpot that I use once or twice a year.  Then two smaller stockpots that nest, so take up the space of one. Those I use for making soup, popping corn, stuff like that. They are really like big saucepans.

 

I have one knife block with 3 large knives and 3 smaller -paring-size - knives  If I had a place to hang a magnet strip I'd get rid of the knife block.

 

Three crockpots, 2 "regular" size and one little one.  I should get rid of one of them. Also have an instant pot.

 

Strainers/colanders.  I have several of these, but I use them for storing some items beside their intended use.  Potatoes in one, onions in another.  If I have apples or bananas, I put them in a colander rather than a bowl with a solid bottom. Slows the rot, I think.

 

I have a lot of spices but I use them all and replace them as needed. 

 

 

Edited by marbel
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No, he doesn't usually commute. Only some days he has to go out of town. Most days he works in walking distance and this town doesn't have a cleaners. I'm not sure where the nearest is. I discussed dry cleaning in the past. We were concerned about the expense. But maybe I should go talk to a cleaners and get an estimate. Also I vaguely remember us discussing the shirts coming back smelling of chemicals.

 

 

Ok, then if you wash them, they go in the dryer so they don't need to be ironed. If he wants them done differently he can handle it. 

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Ok, then if you wash them, they go in the dryer so they don't need to be ironed. If he wants them done differently he can handle it.

And if he doesn't want them in the laundry bins when dirty he can hang them in a "dirty" section in his closet until washing them rather than strewing them around the bedroom.

Edited by maize
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Let me ask a serious question (especially want to hear feedback of people that cook a lot)

 

How many stock pots do you think is reasonable to own in a small home? 1 really big one, one smaller size good for pasta or soup

How many strainers? 1 metal colander, 1 fine mesh strainer

How many knives/knife blocks? 1 knife block, several knives

How many crock pots? 1 crock pot, 1 instant pot

Casserole dishes? ie. 9x13, etc. 1 glass 9x13, 1 metal 9x13, a few smaller corning ware casserole dishes

 

 

 

Do you have room on top of your cabinets to put stuff? I'd stick all the stuff you don't use often that he wants to keep up there for now. Like where some people have decorative stuff i have my crockpot and cake keepers and such. Yes I have to stand on a chair to get it, but I only use them a few times a year. You could put a box of his spices, extra colander, stock pot, canner, etc up there. 

 

I have no idea why he needs two knife blocks though. No one needs that many knives, especially not a chef. They need 3-4 good knives. Bread knife, chef's knife, paring knife, etc. 

 

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Yeah, chefs mostly say three knives should do it.  Chefs knife, paring knife, bread knife.  Then add one more if you like for good luck.

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<snip>

 

I have no idea why he needs two knife blocks though. No one needs that many knives, especially not a chef. They need 3-4 good knives. Bread knife, chef's knife, paring knife, etc. 

 

Yeah, I was thinking that the more experienced I get at cooking, the less stuff I need because I am getting better at using the things I have.  

 

Heart, I'm sorry but your husband sounds mean and disrespectful.  Like the turmeric comment, that really burned me up on your behalf.  And I agree that you have a problem of having responsibility without authority. I thought I had said this upthread, but can't find it, so sorry if I am being repetitive.  I'm a non-income-earning stay-home mom/wife, and as such I firmly belief that I should take on more of the household responsibilities than my working husband.  So, laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, running the kids around etc., etc. But if there is something he's fussy about - his bacon pan as I mentioned, or if he was fussy about his work shirts, or anything like that - I would tell him he had to deal with it himself.  Our family division of labor can't accommodate fussiness.   

 

Emphasis on telling him, not asking him.  Because we are partners and neither is the boss.  Of course I tell him in a nice way.  

 

ETA: LOL I just remembered something.  The last time I went to pick up beer for him, he didn't tell me exactly what he wanted, and I got the wrong thing (right brand, wrong variety or whatever). That was the last time I picked up beer.   

Edited by marbel
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Only what fits in the cabinets.  Seriously,  I bought one of those box kits they sell at Christmas times with a range of sizes holds like 4 pots, couple of fry pans.   My kitchen area is roughly 10 ft long on both sides and that includes having a sink, stove,dishwasher and fridge in those two 10 ft runs.  So not big by any accounts.  

 

We buy something for the kitchen and something gets tossed.  New pots - old ones gone.  New accessory for the kitchen aid, I throw out what it could replace like I was given the cheese shredder for the  KA, I tossed out ALL the shredders, graters except the tiny one for grating lemon peels.  Got the food processor for the KA, gave  the really nice upscale expensive food processor to my oldest for his house.

 

  

 

When I said I broke, I did.  I threw out basically the entire house into the back yard.  Every room was empty of "stuff".  It was in the backyard.  I didn't bag it, I didn't think about it. I pitched it.  Right. out. the. back. door.  Told hubby he could haul it to the dump or it could rot in the back, I didn't give a damn. I tossed basically 80% of everything we owned and refused to allow anything back in the house. FOR YEARS!   Not until we had in place firm, unshakable routines that allowed us to expand our stuff and KEEP IT PICKED UP.

 

  Everything in its place, everything has a place.  When we shop, buying an item includes "where will it go"  "often will it be used" " how many people will benefit from its use and how"  "will I love it enough to care for it long term".   If it is on the floor, under trash, mounds of clothes, you do not love it, don't need it, will never use it.

 

now is the house always perfect?  Nope, the clutter bug is a beast worse  than cockroaches and bedbugs.  I have a regular schedule of clean out the closets, reorganize it all.  I can do the whole 1800 sq ft house in one day top to bottom excluding the kitchen as I am in the process of rearranging it and don't have it quite like I want.  The garage is a freaking disaster but two cars park in it every day. But, if company is on the way, the house can be vacuumed, bathrooms spruced , kids rooms picked up and company ready in about 15 - 20 minutes tops with myself and a teen working on it.

 

But it took a long time of having only the bare minimum to establish those habits. Laundry doesn't pile up or clothes get wrinkled when you have 2 or 3 outfits.  Right now I am about to spring clean because the house is getting cluttered feeling again.  Mostly because my kitchen and I are not in an organized, everything has a place harmony for some reason.   I was sick over Christmas and didn't follow the yearly throw shit out everywhere to compensate for the influx of Christmas gifts. But, we keep on every day.

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Yeah, I was thinking that the more experienced I get at cooking, the less stuff I need because I am getting better at using the things I have.  

 

Heart, I'm sorry but your husband sounds mean and disrespectful.  Like the turmeric comment, that really burned me up on your behalf.  And I agree that you have a problem of having responsibility without authority. I thought I had said this upthread, but can't find it, so sorry if I am being repetitive.  I'm a non-income-earning stay-home mom/wife, and as such I firmly belief that I should take on more of the household responsibilities than my working husband.  So, laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, running the kids around etc., etc. But if there is something he's fussy about - his bacon pan as I mentioned, or if he was fussy about his work shirts, or anything like that - I would tell him he had to deal with it himself.  Our family division of labor can't accommodate fussiness.   

 

Emphasis on telling him, not asking him.  Because we are partners and neither is the boss.  Of course I tell him in a nice way.  

 

ETA: LOL I just remembered something.  The last time I went to pick up beer for him, he didn't tell me exactly what he wanted, and I got the wrong thing (right brand, wrong variety or whatever). That was the last time I picked up beer.   

 

Yes. And you know what? It makes BOTH partners happier. My DH is happier now being in charge of his own dress shirts, than he was when I was doing them but messing them up, lol. And I'm happier not worrying about messing it up. 

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OP, has you husband been in for a mental health evaluation? You mentioned he was feeling depressed. And you mentioned ADD tendencies.

 

Depression in men (often in women to) tends to manifest as irritability.

 

It sounds to me like your Dh would be a likely candidate for both therapy and medication. Addressing depression and ADD on his part could go a long way towards smoothing things over in your relationship.

 

I know you are already addressing your own mental health needs.

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There are times in my life where I have gone to paper bowls and plates for a few weeks while things are in flux.

 

One of my secrets is that we don't fold clothes. None of mine are any good at it and I realized I didn't care, so we just don't. I do fold DH's clothes, but he doesn't go through as many as we do (because he doesn't wipe his mouth with his shirt after he eats peanut butter, for instance.)

When our seven were all at home I hated that they quickly made a mess of folded clothes in drawers. I started hanging most things. I got those clips that go onto plastic hangers and I'd hang a shirt and pants or shorts together. In the drawers we kept mostly just socks, underwear, and pajamas.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

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When our seven were all at home I hated that they quickly made a mess of folded clothes in drawers. I started hanging most things. I got those clips that go onto plastic hangers and I'd hang a shirt and pants or shorts together. In the drawers we kept mostly just socks, underwear, and pajamas.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

We only have a pajama and an underwear/sock drawer each as well. Everything else gets hung up. Bonus: makes laundry really easy now that the kids are old enough to hang their own clothes! I only fold towels, napkins, and pajamas. Socks and underwear are left in a pile for owner to pick through and pick their own; anything hung gets laid out to get taken to the closet. 

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Let me ask a serious question (especially want to hear feedback of people that cook a lot)

 

How many stock pots do you think is reasonable to own in a small home?

 

My home is not super small but I have a 5 gallon pot (used for canning but if I overflow my soup pot it can double duty as a soup pot), my 4 gallon soup pot (and also used to cook things like apples, tomatoes, pears, and salsa for canning), 3 gallon stock pot (used for cooking potatoes for mashing - we cook 5-10 pounds at a time, and whatever else doesn't quite warrant the 4 gallon pot), then I have 2 more normal size stock pots, I'm guessing they are maybe a gallon and half each.  Then I have 6 cooking pots ranging from 2 cups to 4 quarts.

 

 

How many strainers?

 

2 large bowl size ones (one plastic and one metal.  I prefer the metal but it's dirty often enough that I have to pull out the plastic one as backup.  They both nest in a stack of 4 other bowls so it takes no extra space whether I keep 1 or two).  I also have 1 3-4 cup sized fine meshed strainer for things that are too small for the holes in the bowl ones

 

How many knives/knife blocks?

2 - one for pairing knives and one for all the other knifes (chef, bread, cheese etc).  One or the other is 50% empty on any given day because their occupants are somewhere in the process of in use, dirty, in the dishwasher (and my dishes are done every night so it's not a case of needing spares)

How many crock pots?

2 plus an instant pot (one 8 qt and one 2 qt, the 2 quart is used when we travel for an activity we are in and end up in hotels without microwaves and I need a way to heat out food that we take all of with us)

 

Casserole dishes? ie. 9x13, etc. 

I have 4 metal 9x13 cake pans that I used to use for baking casseroles in but those got two small for my family so I just use those for baked goods now.  I have two larger sized pans that I use for casseroles.  I also have 4 slightly smaller than 9x13 pans for baking eggs, custards, and other things that aren't full meal sized portions.

 

 

Even though I think I have more than you in almost every category, none of them are things I would even consider getting rid of because they are all used multiple times a month (if not daily or weekly).  For me those are critical items necessary to run my kitchen efficiently.  But that doesn't mean they will hold the same value for your family and your kitchen.  It really comes down to how often do YOU use those items. 

 

I realize you are having a very hard time with your DH trying to manage this stuff.  One thing that might help is if you box up the extras and store them for 6 months or a year (or whatever preset time seems reasonable to you) and see just how often you "need" those things.  They may seem really important when they are staring him in the face but he might decide it's easier to make do with something else than going and getting it out of the box where it is stored.  After a while it might be easier to get him to let go of stuff when he can see that he never even used said item for the last year.  

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I have serious ADD issues. I think that is why I have to constantly work at it and would still be considered a "failure" according to my DH's family's standards. It has taken so much work for me to train myself into habits in small areas and I have so many more areas to grow in. I am still not instinctively tidying as I go. I don't know that I will ever think this way. DH has zero ADD. Is there an opposite to ADD? Whatever that is, he has it. :laugh:

Wow, are you me? This is exactly us. Dh grew up with very type A European mother and older sister so he learned to clean and tidy and be organised, he learned it well! He is also very not-add - I think that was from years of doing brainless physical work where he just thought and thought about everything. Like Abe Lincoln chopping wood in solitude lol.

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Let me ask a serious question (especially want to hear feedback of people that cook a lot)

 

How many stock pots do you think is reasonable to own in a small home?

How many strainers?

How many knives/knife blocks?

How many crock pots?

Casserole dishes? ie. 9x13, etc.

 

I own one flat strainer and it's my favorite because it's quick to clean and doesn't take up much space. Dh insists on round bowl strainers and has two. Somewhere we have one of those miniture silicon ones where the silicon folds flat. I have asked him to compromise and get rid of one bowl type but he refuses. Stock pots. We have one tall non stick and one metal (which I'm about to toss), and then I recently got a short wide one (which I guess can be called a stock pot?) from MIL that I love and I use it all the time. I hate the tall ones because they are too difficult to wash and lift when full.

 

We have two knife blocks. I personally only use like 3 knives in the house. I actually brought up that knife thing that some of you mentioned on another thread, but it does not look like it would mount to our cabinets. I think we just need to reduce reduce reduce. Crock pots, we have 3. One is a casserole crock pot and it's currently at dh's work. And now we have an Instant Pot. We also have a canner. Dh does the canning and it's like 1-2x a year. I don't even eat the kind of stuff he cans, but he gave some away as gifts at Christmas which was nice.

 

Is LL Bean an in-store thing? I think I've only seen them online. Same for Land's End which I hear about here all the time (I know they have stores but I have never personally seen one).

I have 1 stock pot.

1 pasta strainer and 1 fine mesh strainer.

I have about 5 good knives. I threw away our knife block and store them on a magnetic metal strip over my kitchen bench. Bulky knife blocks take too much precious bench space (we live in a small house]

Crock pots - too many of those. 3 of different sizes. I'm getting rid of at least one today, thanks for the inspiration!

Casserole dishes, I have one round and one rectangle.

I have 4 different sized saucepans and 5 different size/material frying pans. Hmmm, some of those can probably go too.

We have always jarred stuff without a canner. Just boil the glass jars/lids in water in the stock pot. Fill with jam or whatever, put the hot lid on and voila, vacuum sealed.

Edited by LMD
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