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happysmileylady

What would you have done?

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I went grocery shopping today.  I got in the check out line and there was a family in front of me...mom, dad, a kid who looked to be about 6ish, and a kid in the cart who looked to be about 18mo or so.

 

Kid in the cart was super happy.  And a couple of times, she tossed one of those mini cookie "to go" cups on the floor.  After the 3rd time, mom picked up the cup and handed it to dad who was putting all the groceries on the belt.  That's when another customer mentioned cookies on the floor and I looked down and noticed cookies and crumbs on the ground.  I said I didn't know who's they were but maybe the kid in front of me.  At this point the family up to the check out lady and she has started ringing their order.

 

I reach down to grab a magazine in the check out aisle to glance at the recipes.  I flip a couple pages, not my cuppa, so I lean back down to put the magazine back.  That's when I notice the dad shoving the empty mini cookie "to go" cup in one of the candy shelves at check out.

 

 

Hmmm...

 

That's basically where my conundrum comes in.  It's certainly possible that they paid for it first, and the only "wrong" thing is not throwing it in the trash.  The more likely explanation is that the kid ate or dumped the cookies before the parents could pay for it, so dad is stashing the empty container so they don't "have to pay."  These little things are only like $1 or $1.25.

 

What would you have done?  Kept quiet?  Said something to the parents?  To the cashier?  Offered to pay for the item?  Something else?

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After they were out of ear shot I may have handed the cup to the cashier. She might have noticed what was going on, she may not have. They might zero it out or whatever the term is. But as for paying? I don't know. If I was the parent I would have apologized and offered to pay. The store may or may not have pushed for the customer to pay. I doubt the kid ate the cookies during that whole situation or else I would think they would be holding onto the can as they munched on them. I could be wrong, though.

 

 

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I would have kept quiet.

 

My guess is that they gave the thing to the kid to eat.  

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I wouldn't have done anything in that situation.  I've seen a kid eat a candy bar at the end of a (long) line in the store, and toss the wrapper, all while an adult was right there, though not really watching the kid.  

 

The man who hid the cookie thing knew he was doing wrong.  There's no way he didn't.  I suppose that maybe if I'd seen him while he was doing it, and caught his eye so that he knew it was witnessed, he might have been ashamed enough to give the cup to the cashier, ask him or her to throw it away and add the cost to their grocery bill.  Or not.  

 

It's also possible that the cashier knew exactly what was going on.  I think they are pretty good at seeing what customers are doing, and I'm pretty sure they are not to confront a customer in the store. At that point it would be hard to get store security involved and they wouldn't be able to prove that the kid or dad did anything wrong anyway.  

 

 

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I would have let it go; not my job to play police and my experience with grocery stores is that they tend to be generous with customers over little things--like, if my kid drops a jar and it breaks and I offer to pay they say don't worry.

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I wouldn’t have said anything. I’ve seen empty popcorn chicken cups and other containers like that abandoned on shelves before and would guess it’s not uncommon for people to steal food in that manner. Sometimes stores have free cookies or fruit available for kids. I doubt that was the case here since it makes no sense to hide it, but it’s possible.

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I didn't say anything.

 

I DID trying to kinda catch the dad's eye, but wasn't able to.  I also engaged the kid in the cart in a game of peek a boo while mom was dealing with the 6yr old begging for some light up tub toy, but like I said, kid in the cart was super happy...everything I did was HILARIOUS lol.

 

Kid in the cart for sure didn't pull the cookie thing off the shelf herself, they weren't within her reach in the check out line.  Which only means she didn't get it there, it doesn't mean they didn't pay for it first. 

 

When I was a kid my mom avoided taking all 4 of us to the store unless she HAD to.  On the few occasions that she had to take us, she would go from the front door to the cookie aisle and get each of us a box of animal crackers and then, we would all shop while us kids munched on the animal crackers.  BUT....mom would then put all 4 of them up on the belt first and explain that we ate them but she was still paying for them.  And no one had an issue with that.  And when the kid was tossing this to go cup, that's what I was thinking, that this was the "keep the kid quiet" snack.  But when dad shoved it in the shelf I kind of just went....uhhhhh...

 

 

 

 

 

There was another thing that happened at the same store.  I was at the back of the store and heard a female child, sounded like about 4 or 5, shriek, about 2 or 3 or 4 aisles up.  Knowing kids, I figured someone wasn't getting her way and didn't think much of it.  As I walked the aisles, the kid is still crying as far as I can hear, and it's become this blubbering sound, and she keeps saying "it hurts."  Because I didn't have much to get, I caught up to the family pretty quick.  It's another mom and dad and 2 girls.  The first is probably 2ish, she's on mom's hip, but seems fine.  That's when I notice the other girl, who appears to be at LEAST 12, perhaps even a young 14 or 15, is completely red faced blubbering sobbing.  She's holding her arm.  From how she sounds, this is clearly the source of the shriek from earlier.  I am trying to both appear non chalant, and also see this kids arm.  My 7yr old broke her arm falling off our play stuff in the back yard and putting everything together, I am concerned this kid's arm is broke, this really sounds like genuine in pain crying from a kid of this age.  BUT.....the same 7yr old also has autism and displays developmental delays, so I also am aware that this kid could have simply scratched herself and may be a special needs kid who can't regulate that sort of thing.  So I am trying to be discreet about glancing over.  Mom and dad are completely ignoring the sobbing, like totally tuning it out, discussing which peanut butter to buy.  Which makes me lean towards the second option, but as I am trying to assess, this dad DID notice and kinda shot me daggers out of his eyes.    I had no idea what to do, was concerned, but did nothing.  Just....*sigh*

 

 

Edited by happysmileylady

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Also possible they brought the cookies. Dd keeps snacks in her purse. Or the kid might have started eating them in the car on the way to the store.

 

I understand how you felt, but in the big scheme of things (like the parent being abusive) this isn’t a huge deal to me.

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I would probably be silently judging the family. I wouldn't say anything to them or the clerk.

 

But I would also remember the time recently that I paid for a pack of gum for my daughter, and the clerk handed it to her instead of putting it in the bag. DD put it in her pocket. When we got to the car, DD told me that the people in line behind us were talking about her. "Why did that girl put the gum in her pocket, Mommy?" "Some people steal," the mom replied. :cursing:

 

It can be easy to misinterpret what you see. Should he have stashed the trash and left crumbs on the floor? No way! Did they steal the cookies? There isn't a way for you to know for sure. Maybe they brought them from home. Maybe they paid for them when they first walked in the door in order to keep the kids happy.

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I wouldn't say anything since I didn't know. Could be that the mom had a nearly empty cookie container in her purse that she handed to the kid, then the dad felt awkward (and handed it badly) because he had no way of showing that it had been purchased on a prior trip.

In the situation of a crying child, I try to make eye contact with a parent and discreetly ask if there is anything I can do to help. Sometimes there is, most times they say no and I smile and wish then a good day, perhaps saying something along the lines of, "we've all been there."

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When the dad shot you daggers with his eyes I guess you could leave or say something like, "I heard a scream. I was wondering if everything was okay" just to force him to respond. Someone saying they are concerned might diffuse the situation if the parent thinks the other person is just like, "ugh! Shut that kid up!" What do you mean caught up to the family pretty quick? Did they see you come from out of no where and just stare? Did they know you were behind them and sped up? They might have thought you were just being nosy and considered you rude.

 

I don't know.

 

It's so hard sometimes to know when to speak up and when not to. The weird thing to me is them ignoring the child and talking about peanut butter. Maybe their child is a drama queen for lack of a better term. My son's foot got crushed under the pew in church last week (woman next to him had laid it down and was kneeling on it, oblivious). He told me it had made a cracking noise. So there I was trying not to draw a lot of attention to us but asking him if he thought it was broken (after we got her attention and removed his foot). He can sometimes overreact or at least it looks that way so it's hard to know sometimes how badly he is hurt.

Edited by heartlikealion

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If I could, I probably would have put the empty cup on the belt and offered to pay for it myself.... because I don't know the situation of the family, and there have been times when an extra dollar or two is really not in my budget.   I would assume that for whatever reason they couldn't afford or didn't want to draw attention to the empty container.  Maybe they were afraid they'd get in trouble for their kid eating something before it was paid for?

 

Other than that, I probably would do/say nothing. 

 

For the child with the hurt arm....not sure what I'd do.  I think I'd want to acknowledge in some way that somebody heard what happened.  Maybe I'd ask if it's OK if I give her some tissues from my purse?  Maybe I'd do nothing?  I really don't know.  I may say something like "I have four, so I know it can be tough. Is there anything I can do to help?"  If I was really concerned that the arm was broken or the child was hurt, I'd probably go to the manager and see if any of the CCTV's caught what happened...and let the store take it from there.

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When the dad shot you daggers with his eyes I guess you could leave or say something like, "I heard a scream. I was wondering if everything was okay" just to force him to respond. Someone saying they are concerned might diffuse the situation if the parent thinks the other person is just like, "ugh! Shut that kid up!" What do you mean caught up to the family pretty quick? Did they see you come from out of no where and just stare? Did they know you were behind them and sped up? They might have thought you were just being nosy and considered you rude.

 

I don't know.

 

It's so hard sometimes to know when to speak up and when not to. The weird thing to me is them ignoring the child and talking about peanut butter. Maybe their child is a drama queen for lack of a better term. My son's foot got crushed under the pew in church last week (woman next to him had laid it down and was kneeling on it, oblivious). He told me it had made a cracking noise. So there I was trying not to draw a lot of attention to us but asking him if he thought it was broken (after we got her attention and removed his foot). He can sometimes overreact or at least it looks that way so it's hard to know sometimes how badly he is hurt.

 

By "caught up to them" I only mean...I was at the back of the store...like aisle 20...when I heard the initial shriek.  I was working my way back up through the middle aisles, having already come to the back by way of shopping the outside, and just didn't have that much to get.  SO, like walking back across aisle 19, there was actually nothing on my list.  Aisle 18, I just needed some spices.  Basically, just that by the time I hit like aisle 16 or whatever....the family was still walking that aisle, but I had gotten there pretty quick because I wasn't shopping much in the other aisles.  I don't mean that I was hunting them down or anything.  I came around the end cap of whatever aisle it was and immediately  identified the crying as the source of the shriek and crying I had heard at an earlier time in the store.  I certainly wasn't following them or trying to figure out the source of the streak or anything. 

 

I rounded the corner, realized that the girl crying with that family was the same crying/shriek I heard earlier.  That's when I was trying to figure out if she was HURT...or just hurt, without causing a confrontation.

 

FTR...I never made any sort of assumption that the parents CAUSED the hurt.  When my kid broke her arm, she was jumping off a piece of play equipment that I had no reason to believe she would jump off of, and I was in the house, gathering laundry.  Kids do stuff.  My initial thought was maybe she tripped and fell in that *just wrong way* and parents thought she was being drama.  Or...whatever. 

 

Basically.....................................mama heart, perhaps intuition, vs letting other parents be good parents. 

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If I could, I probably would have put the empty cup on the belt and offered to pay for it myself.... because I don't know the situation of the family, and there have been times when an extra dollar or two is really not in my budget.   I would assume that for whatever reason they couldn't afford or didn't want to draw attention to the empty container.  Maybe they were afraid they'd get in trouble for their kid eating something before it was paid for?

 

Other than that, I probably would do/say nothing. 

 

For the child with the hurt arm....not sure what I'd do.  I think I'd want to acknowledge in some way that somebody heard what happened.  Maybe I'd ask if it's OK if I give her some tissues from my purse?  Maybe I'd do nothing?  I really don't know.  I may say something like "I have four, so I know it can be tough. Is there anything I can do to help?"  If I was really concerned that the arm was broken or the child was hurt, I'd probably go to the manager and see if any of the CCTV's caught what happened...and let the store take it from there.

 

The idea that they couldn't afford it did cross my mind, which is why paying for it crossed my mind.  It's just so hard to know when making that offer will be welcome, or offend, ya know.

 

The other kid with the hurt arm....maybe I should have said something to management. 

 

Basically, if the kid just scratched her arm and was being drama, ok fine, I am totally fine with how everything was handled and don't feel bad.  I just would hate for her to have really hurt herself and not get the proper aid.   Having had our final follow up with the orthopedist just 2 weeks ago, I may very well be sensitive to that sort of thing to, so I could certainly be blowing that whole thing out of proportion. 

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Theft or not theft, shoving trash in random places is so rude and selfish, I might be unable to let it slide. I probably would have taken it out and said, “Let me find a trash can for you.â€

 

The grocery store may not care about the money. Fine. But the staff deserves respect. I have pretty much had it with people who believe the world is self-cleaning or cleaned by an army of underlings who should feel happy to tidy up after them.

Edited by Danestress
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Theft or not theft, shoving trash in random places is so rude and selfish, I might be unable to let it slide. I probably would have taken it out and said, “Let me find a trash can for you.â€

 

The grocery store may not care about the money. Fine. But the staff deserves respect. I have pretty much had it with people who believe the world is self-cleaning or cleaned by an army of underlings who should feel happy to tidy up after them.

 

The worst to me is when I see milk in random places! Like, how long has it been there? What a waste!

 

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Clearly, I am not as nice as some of you are, bc I would have taken the cup out and asked the guy if it was his or does it need to be thrown out.

 

I am no saint, but this was so very wrong on so many levels.....

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Oh and for all of you who think it's no big deal, grocery stores "let it go"....they don't.  I can assure you they add that to prices of everything they sell..

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I don't know how much it affects prices say, for shrinkage vs. damage. In that case, if no one saw it as actual theft, they might damage it out. I don't know how much that affects prices, but it might be along the lines of an expired bag of cookies. I really don't know.

 

It may be less to do with being nice and more to do with not enjoying confrontation.

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I probably would've picked up the empty cup and handed it to the clerk when it was my turn, saying "I found this empty cup on the shelf there.  Do you want it?"  

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When my son was about 2 I used to let him eat a banana in the trolley. I used to get shop workers scowling at me and saying "you have to pay for that you know". Well duh I thought (I used to get them to weigh another one twice). I guess a lot of people didn't. I probably wouldn't say anything because I don't like confrontation.

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When my son was about 2 I used to let him eat a banana in the trolley. I used to get shop workers scowling at me and saying "you have to pay for that you know". Well duh I thought (I used to get them to weigh another one twice). I guess a lot of people didn't. I probably wouldn't say anything because I don't like confrontation.

Many stores in the US now have free fruit for kids--bananas, apples, and tangerines are common.

 

Also free cookies, and the store up the street offers kids a free slice of cheese from the deli counter.

 

I think the store knows that hungry kids+grocery shopping is a disaster for everyone.

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Many stores in the US now have free fruit for kids--bananas, apples, and tangerines are common.

 

Also free cookies, and the store up the street offers kids a free slice of cheese from the deli counter.

 

I think the store knows that hungry kids+grocery shopping is a disaster for everyone.

I am living in the wrong place. I see this mentioned frequently online. But I don't experience it myself. There is a coop that has free fruit samples (think a tiny piece of fruit on a toothpick) occasionally, but that's it.

 

OP, I think I would have taken the empty cup and given it the cashier to throw away. Actually, if I had any/all of my children with me, I know I would have. I'd have done that along with giving my "we don't mess up stores and we pay for anything we eat it stores" speech.

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Setting aside the whole "did he steal the food or not", he put garbage among other food items!!!  And many don't seem to be bothered by it.

 

Even if he didn't want to/couldn't pay for the cookies or already paid for it - whatever - throw the damn garbage away.  Even if it's not yours!  Can we at least pretend we live in somewhat civilized society??

 

 

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Oh and for all of you who think it's no big deal, grocery stores "let it go"....they don't. I can assure you they add that to prices of everything they sell..

I definitely never said that and think the man acted like a pig regardless of what actually happened. It still doesn’t make it my responsibility to do something about it or police other shoppers, much less confront them.

Edited by Word Nerd
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Many stores in the US now have free fruit for kids--bananas, apples, and tangerines are common.

 

Also free cookies, and the store up the street offers kids a free slice of cheese from the deli counter.

 

I think the store knows that hungry kids+grocery shopping is a disaster for everyone.

That same shop now does free fruit for kids.

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Is "being drama" a regional expression or a typo?

 

I'm curious because it was used twice. It kind of reminds me of "drive truck."

 

Nah, just my own personal quirky term to describe a kid who is throwing a big dramatic fit over a very minor injury or perceived insult, usually in an attempt to get attention. 

Edited by happysmileylady
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I would have kept quiet.

 

1) I don't know if that is an empty one or a full one the kid didn't have a chance to open.

2) Stores are used to the issue of kids eating candy that is not paid for; sometimes the parents don't even know about it.  The stores budget for it.

3) If the kid had dropped and broken a jar of xyz, the store would not have charged the parents.  They would have cleaned it up and acted understanding.  I would consider this basically the same thing.  Tots don't know better, and parents don't always know what their kids are getting up to in time to prevent it.

4) It will do the cashier no good to have to get into it with the parents.

5) It's possible (though unlikely) that the family could not afford to pay for it.

 

Of course if it was my kid, I would have paid for the item, but that doesn't mean I need to police what other people do.

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Oh and for all of you who think it's no big deal, grocery stores "let it go"....they don't.  I can assure you they add that to prices of everything they sell..

 

It's not that people don't get that stealing from stores increases costs overall.  I doubt anyone reading here thinks it's not a big deal. But I'm not going to insert myself into a situation where I really don't know what's going on and I wouldn't expect any other customer to do so either. Based on my own limited retail experience and what I've been told by others, even employees (other than security personnel) are told not to insert themselves into potential shoplifting situations.

 

I also wouldn't expect a customer to clean up after another customer.  Sure, I have taught my kids not to take things from stores without paying for it, including food they ate while shopping, and to put trash in the appropriate receptacle.  But that doesn't mean I expect them to take on the job of cleaning up after other random people.  Whenever I have seen someone accidentally (I assume) drop something or otherwise make a mess in a store, an employee has always said to let them deal with it. They have the appropriate tools, after all. 

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I would point out the trashbin if I could catch Dad's eye before he stashes the trash on a shelf.  I do not expect a dad to be familiar with store layout, they just don't shop that much.  Otherwise I would leave it, as I'm not interested in acquiring toddler germs and I know the store employees will clean it up later.  I would ask the cashier to call someone to clean up the food in the floor. 

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It's not that people don't get that stealing from stores increases costs overall.  I doubt anyone reading here thinks it's not a big deal. But I'm not going to insert myself into a situation where I really don't know what's going on and I wouldn't expect any other customer to do so either. Based on my own limited retail experience and what I've been told by others, even employees (other than security personnel) are told not to insert themselves into potential shoplifting situations.

 

I also wouldn't expect a customer to clean up after another customer.  Sure, I have taught my kids not to take things from stores without paying for it, including food they ate while shopping, and to put trash in the appropriate receptacle.  But that doesn't mean I expect them to take on the job of cleaning up after other random people.  Whenever I have seen someone accidentally (I assume) drop something or otherwise make a mess in a store, an employee has always said to let them deal with it. They have the appropriate tools, after all. 

 

And if you decided to clean up after other shoppers and picked up an empty food wrapper/container from a shelf and a busybody helpful shopper saw you throwing it away in another location of the store, they may wrongly assume that you are the one who ate food without paying for it and notify an employee.

Edited by Word Nerd
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When my son was about 2 I used to let him eat a banana in the trolley. I used to get shop workers scowling at me and saying "you have to pay for that you know". Well duh I thought (I used to get them to weigh another one twice). I guess a lot of people didn't. I probably wouldn't say anything because I don't like confrontation.

 

This is what I used to do, and invariably, the clerk would do a double take as though he or she had never seen or heard of such a thing. 

 

Which means that there must have been a lot of banana peels stuck on shelves, or maybe, handed directly to the checkout clerk, because in my store, a lot of little kids liked bananas.

 

What they gave out for free was cookies, but I rarely let me kids have them...yaay us, with a diabetic in the family.  (Diabetes sucks.)

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I would've probably assumed the mom had it in her purse and brought it out at the store. The dad putting hiding the trash is so tacky, I don't know if I would have come up with something to say, but I do like the suggestion above to ask him, "Oh, did you want this?" If I'd have thought of it, that's what I would have said. But I wouldn't automatically thought they were stealing.

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Clearly, I am not as nice as some of you are, bc I would have taken the cup out and asked the guy if it was his or does it need to be thrown out.

 

I am no saint, but this was so very wrong on so many levels.....

 

I'm with you.  I'd have said something - esp due to his putting it back on the shelf and trying to hide it.  I don't care as much about that rest - let the store do with it as they please (damage or whatever), but he shouldn't be putting an empty one back.

 

I often say things.  I've stopped an idiot from scribbling his initials into a rock at a National Park because I wasn't afraid to say anything.  Too many people not saying things allows so many to get away with whatever they please.  And now, I can pull out my cell phone as if I'm about to take a picture... that helps many change their behavior quickly! ;)

 

Yes, someday I might get shot.  Such is life.  I don't live in fear.

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Tangentially, I have begun to think that Harris Teeter wants to give me something for free on each shopping trip, because it keeps happening there. Like, say for example, the cashier takes a couple extra minutes because she can’t find the code for kumquats, so she’ll just not ring it, I mention it, she mutters that I was inconvenienced, and I get the item for free. It has happened like four times now. Something ends up getting “excused†or missed. My last trip, she “missed†my paper towels on the lower basket, though she did not miss my milk down there. It’s weird.

 

And no, I wouldn’t have said anything. There’s a small chance I might have mentioned it once the family left, saying like, “I think the father made a mistake with this cookie wrapper.â€

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I'm with you.  I'd have said something - esp due to his putting it back on the shelf and trying to hide it.  I don't care as much about that rest - let the store do with it as they please (damage or whatever), but he shouldn't be putting an empty one back.

 

I often say things.  I've stopped an idiot from scribbling his initials into a rock at a National Park because I wasn't afraid to say anything.  Too many people not saying things allows so many to get away with whatever they please.  And now, I can pull out my cell phone as if I'm about to take a picture... that helps many change their behavior quickly! ;)

 

Yes, someday I might get shot.  Such is life.  I don't live in fear.

 

You and me both!!  And I live in a state where almost everyone probably owns a gun. :)

 

I don't get involved in other people's business in many different ways, but in some instances I think it's wrong to keep quiet.

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You and me both!! And I live in a state where almost everyone probably owns a gun. :)

 

I don't get involved in other people's business in many different ways, but in some instances I think it's wrong to keep quiet.

I'll take risks standing up for a lot of stuff.

 

A one dollar cup of cookies is not one of those things.

 

My morals are considerably more flexible when it comes to feeding children.

Edited by Mergath
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You and me both!!  And I live in a state where almost everyone probably owns a gun. :)

 

I don't get involved in other people's business in many different ways, but in some instances I think it's wrong to keep quiet.

 

Actually, the way things are today I think I'm more likely to get shot (or in an accident) for going to slow on the road.  Apparently, doing 69 in a 55 mph zone (on an interstate in MD) is wickedly too slow.  I only passed one vehicle (from TN) AND a police car was going right along with the huge pack passing me (probably about 80 mph) without batting an eye - no lights, no sirens, not seeming to be in a hurry - just cruising along with multiple other vehicles around him and behind him cruising too (once they made it past me anyway).  I travel that route relatively often as it's on our way to FIL's and back.  I've always considered that interstate a speedway.  This is the first time I've seen exactly how much the police care...  I even double checked that I was correct with the speed limit - that it hadn't changed since our last trip a month ago.  Nope.  It was still posted as 55 and quite some distance (miles) before it bumped up to 65.  In most states one takes a risk doing more than 10 mph over the limit.  VA and NY are often particularly vigilant.  I gather MD speed limits (or even "typical" amounts over) are meaningless.

 

That drive always reinforces my (and hubby's) love of rural living sans interstate speedways.  It's still possible for folks to drive well over the limit, of course, but not with oodles of other vehicles within easy crashing range if (when?) something goes wrong.

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I'll take risks standing up for a lot of stuff.

 

A one dollar cup of cookies is not one of those things.

 

My morals are considerably more flexible when it comes to feeding children.

 

TBH, I'm not really worried about getting shot in a store - even in today's day and age, nor do I think children need to be seeing the dad hide the container for any reason, esp for a dollar cup of cookies (which I sincerely doubt they needed to eat in order to not starve and might not have consumed anyway if they all just spilled on the floor).

 

I don't like it when kids are essentially taught to steal or cover up mistakes and this situation sounds far more like that than Les Mis.

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TBH, I'm not really worried about getting shot in a store - even in today's day and age, nor do I think children need to be seeing the dad hide the container for any reason, esp for a dollar cup of cookies (which I sincerely doubt they needed to eat in order to not starve and might not have consumed anyway if they all just spilled on the floor).

 

I don't like it when kids are essentially taught to steal or cover up mistakes and this situation sounds far more like that than Les Mis.

Except that we don't know if the cookies were stolen or if they brought them in themselves. And personally, I don't go around accusing strangers of stealing if I'm not 110% they actually stole something.

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Is anyone bothered by the fact it’s cookies? No enormous nutrition benefit to cookies. If one can not afford cookies then one ought not feed the baby cookies.

 

I’d have had an awful time keeping my mouth shut and probably wouldn’t have. Sigh. Some day you’ll see a newspaper article about a woman shot over cookie tattling and it’ll be me.

Edited by BlsdMama
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Except that we don't know if the cookies were stolen or if they brought them in themselves. And personally, I don't go around accusing strangers of stealing if I'm not 110% they actually stole something.

 

Which is why, as I said in my first post on this subject, I'd solely call them out on leaving the trash where the "for sale" groceries go and let the store handle the rest however they saw fit.

 

I have my guesses, but I only act on what is known - and in this case it's known that he was putting an empty package where it shouldn't have been.

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I's not say anything, if I wasn't sure what had happened.

 

I'd not likely mention the trash either though I'd have thought they were slobs.

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TBH, I'm not really worried about getting shot in a store - even in today's day and age, nor do I think children need to be seeing the dad hide the container for any reason, esp for a dollar cup of cookies (which I sincerely doubt they needed to eat in order to not starve and might not have consumed anyway if they all just spilled on the floor).

 

I don't like it when kids are essentially taught to steal or cover up mistakes and this situation sounds far more like that than Les Mis.

 

This post has me wondering about something.  What effect does it have on a kid, seeing his/her parent shamed by a random person in public?   I'm not asking anyone to google anything for me, because if I'm curious enough I can do some searching on my own, but maybe someone here has some views on this.  

 

Once while hiking, my husband and I saw an adult (woman, fwiw) encouraging a kid to carve his initials into a tree.  My husband said to please not do that; it's harmful to the tree, etc., etc. The adult said something I don't remember but sort of indicated he should mind his own business. They didn't do any carving while we were still there, but I assume they continued after we were out of sight.  I can't really remember the kid but say between 8ish and high school age, probably.

 

Anyway, I wondered at the time what the adult said to the kid after we left, and what the kid thought of the whole exchange. 

 

I suspect young kids look up to their parents and a person shaming Dad is likely to be looked at as an enemy, not a role model.  But that might/probably change when they are older, say high school age, and looking at the world, and their parents, more critically?   But that is not based on any knowledge of psychology, etc, just thinking about kids I have known, including my own. 

 

Just pondering, not arguing. 

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This post has me wondering about something.  What effect does it have on a kid, seeing his/her parent shamed by a random person in public?   I'm not asking anyone to google anything for me, because if I'm curious enough I can do some searching on my own, but maybe someone here has some views on this.  

 

Once while hiking, my husband and I saw an adult (woman, fwiw) encouraging a kid to carve his initials into a tree.  My husband said to please not do that; it's harmful to the tree, etc., etc. The adult said something I don't remember but sort of indicated he should mind his own business. They didn't do any carving while we were still there, but I assume they continued after we were out of sight.  I can't really remember the kid but say between 8ish and high school age, probably.

 

Anyway, I wondered at the time what the adult said to the kid after we left, and what the kid thought of the whole exchange. 

 

I suspect young kids look up to their parents and a person shaming Dad is likely to be looked at as an enemy, not a role model.  But that might/probably change when they are older, say high school age, and looking at the world, and their parents, more critically?   But that is not based on any knowledge of psychology, etc, just thinking about kids I have known, including my own. 

 

Just pondering, not arguing. 

 

Very interesting ponder, for sure.  I only work with high schoolers, so teens, and I know I usually have far more influence than parents do (which is a good thing when I support what the parents have said since it helps solidify "whatever" when kids go through the questioning stage).  That's certainly not an "always," of course, esp when parents have taught things like drug use and stealing.  If it were simply a case of having someone outside of family teaching what is "right," there would be far less crime.

 

Youngest son worked with a camp counselor this past summer who had been taught (by family) to steal something every time he went into a Walmart.  My guy found out when the other lad offered him some M&Ms and he asked where he got them from (immediately after a shopping trip) and the lad enthusiastically shared.  My guy definitely didn't share his enthusiasm.  The lad never did it again in his presence, but who knows what he does now long after camp is over.

 

I'd rather have the chance of some decent influence, if not now, then down the road, than have everyone think these actions are fine and dandy and approved by all due to silence.

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<snip>

 

I'd rather have the chance of some decent influence, if not now, then down the road, than have everyone think these actions are fine and dandy and approved by all due to silence.

 

Right, but that's what I'm wondering:  it is a good influence, or is it just some random mean lady being a jerk to Dad?   Leading to the kid to "take Dad's side" so to speak and solidifying to the kid that what Dad did is fine.  

 

I'm probably not saying it right.  I just wonder how much of random public scolding makes a young kid want to defend the parent, and thus look at the parent's actions as right because the random scolding person must be wrong. 

 

Anyone get me?  

 

Again, not arguing.

 

When my kid was about 8 he missed out on a museum exhibit he really wanted to see, in a place we were never going back to, because my husband and I didn't pay close enough attention to time and arrived just after "last entry" time.  My kid was so upset and his anger and disappointment were all directed toward the museum employee who refused to let us in. We kept telling him it was our fault, but he was having none of it.  It was that mean person's fault.  Mom and Dad could not be the ones who did wrong/made a mistake.  (He didn't speak directly to the museum attendant, and we never expressed any ire toward him ourselves.)   Now, if he'd been in his teens, he would have been all "nice going Dad" and might have lost some trust in dad's and my time-keeping abilities - and made sure to keep track of the time himself in similar situations going forward.

 

I know I've strayed pretty far from the OP now.  We've moved from the specific to the general/philosophical stage, LOL.  Feel free to ignore me. :-)

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