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S/o gender disappointment--who named your babies?


maize
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I know there is usually some degree of joint agreement, but someone proposed the name, maybe someone lobbied for a name, someone made a final decision. How did it happen in your house?

 

I've done most of the naming here. Dh picked ds12's middle name--he has his mother's maiden name as a middle name and wanted ds to have mine. I wouldn't have picked it myself but I was OK with it (never particularly liked my maiden name but do like names that indicate family connections).

 

Ds7 Dh and I each wanted a different middle name so we used both and gave him two middle names.

 

Ds5 I wanted to have dh's name as a middle name; he was a bit reluctant but acquiesced.

 

Dd3 also got a second middle name because I wanted it--we almost had to change the birth certificate for that one because I had initially given in to dh's choice of a single middle name and after leaving the hospital decided I really did want the second as well. I called their records office and caught them just before they entered her birth certificate information into the system.

 

It was Dh who preferred the second middle name be included for ds0.

 

Otherwise I've chosen all the names with Dh mostly just agreeing.

Edited by maize
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I was married before and have 2 daughters, their dad named them,  He refused to consider anything I liked and barely let me have a choice when it came to middle name with our 2nd daughter (she has 2 middle names, the first one is HIS name, the second I got to pick).  I was young and didn't realize he was an over-bearing narcissist until we'd been together for 4 years. 

 

My DH (now) was absolutely cool with the boy's name I had picked out when I was 12 and he vetoed one option for girls name (had an ex-girlfriend with the same name) and so I ended up naming DD a variation of my great grandmother's name.  

Edited by foxbridgeacademy
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With our oldest, it was pretty firmly me. DH had veto power, but I had an experience while pregnant where I just truly came to *know* that our son's name was Timothy. DH wasn't super excited, but wasn't super against it, either, so he went with it. 

 

For our middle son, it was very much a joint thing.

 

For our youngest, DH had a lot of influence/made the decision. He "unBiblicalized" the name I wanted (I wanted Zachariah) to make it better match the other boys' names, then vetoed my choice of middle name, and while he did suggest one that I vetoed (he wanted Theodred, from LOTR.....), he also suggested pretty firmly the one we went with. 

 

 

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Ex picked out ds' name, but that was kind of decided early in our relationship. He's named for ex's deceased father and it turned out to fit ds very nicely. If he had been a girl or if we had had another, then it would have been an agreed upon choice. We already had a girl's name picked out just in case. 

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We both did.  We'd both come up with lists separately, picked out one or two that we liked on the other's list, and sometimes went with one of those or other times started over.  Same with middle names.  Once, my dh loved a certain girl's name and I only liked it, but I really loved one of its known nick-names.  So we picked that name and from day #1 called her by the nickname, which has stuck.  Only now, I've come to really love her formal name too.  

 

It was a little easier for us though because we both liked the same genre of names.

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First child, DH asked if we could name DD after my mother (DH adores my mom) and since I adore my mom and I really like her name it was a win win.  Then her middle name was an unknown for months.  We couldn't decide.  DH then finally asked if we could give her his mom's name as a middle name so she could be named after both grandmothers.  I said of course (even though neither of us was especially fond of the name we are both fond of his mother).  We called to tell his mom and she hung up on us.   That really threw DH for a loop.  LOL.  But she called back and indicated she was incredibly honored. Turns out she thought everyone hated her name and was so startled and overwhelmed that she knee jerk reacted and hung up the phone.

 

Second child?  Ugh.  DH is the third to carry his family name exactly (so DH III), and like the 5th or something to have his particular first name.  He felt pressure to name his child the same thing and did not want to.  He also did not want to hurt his father.  I felt that since it was family tradition if he wanted to do so I would be fine with it but if he didn't want his son to have that name then he shouldn't have to.  DH couldn't get past possibly hurting his dad.  He agonized.  After a long time I talked to his mom and she admitted that the ONLY reason DH was named after his dad was because she had wanted it that way.  Turns out DH's dad hated his name.  DH felt better so we found a name we both really liked (that was not family related) for DS's first name.  Then came the middle name...  DH rejected everything I came up with.  He was terrified that the initials would spell something the kid would get teased for.  Things such as CDC (Center for Disease Control).  He was so paranoid.  I bought a book of like 1000 baby names and went through them one by one trying to find something we could both be happy with.  If he liked it I hated it.  If I liked it he found some flaw.  Drove me nuts.  I was ready to ditch having a middle name except my grandmother, the caboose baby in her family, didn't get a middle name and her siblings had middle names.  She felt like an afterthought.  It always secretly bugged her.  We finally, finally found a name we both liked but it was months of back and forth before we did.  It was a joint decision, though, thankfully.

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The first two were fairly easy. My son is named after my brother who died as a baby, but it also happened to be a name we both loved. DD’s name we compromised on and she has two first names; we call her a diminutive of each (think Katie Beth). DS3 was an absolute surprise baby with a very difficult pregnancy, and we had not expected any more babies so there were no more names we’d ever discussed. We went back and first and changed it about fifteen times. My water broke at 28 weeks and on the way to the hospital I told my husband I liked the most recent first name he’d picked but i suddenly felt strongly that I wanted to change the middle name. There was a possibility that I wasn’t going to make it through the delivery and we had no idea if DS was going to survive either. DH basically said names were the last thing on his mind and to name the baby whatever I wanted. :). We staved off delivery for a few days, and I filled out the birth certificate info prior to labor the way I wanted. DS3 name is perfect for him, but it isn’t one I would have ever imagined.

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It was a joint effort.

 

Ds was easy. He was named before he was conceived because we knew we wanted to name him after his grandfathers.

 

Dd was a long process. Each of us would suggest a name and the other had the right to veto. We narrowed it down to two names and finally decided when I was on the operating table.

 

It was never a big deal between us but extended family sure had a lot of ideas and opinions. I wish I had been smart enough to keep the names secret until they were born.

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It was pretty much a joint effort. We have pretty similar tastes, if one of us didn’t like a name, we threw it out.

 

My youngest son was sort of named by our daughter. She was cheering for our favorite basketball team and at age 2, couldn’t say the name right. What she came up with inspired the name for her baby brother.

 

Right now we are expecting and having trouble coming up with names. I think it will be easier when we know boy or girl. If we have another boy, my husband really wants to use his middle name, which I really, really don’t like. It’s his dad’s middle name too. When we didn’t use it with our first son, my FIL was visibly disappointed. The second boy was given my husband’s first name as a middle name. If we have a third boy my husband doesn’t want to disappoint his dad a third time. I say the kids all have their dad’s last name and I’m good with passing it on, let’s let the bad middle name die.

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I was the main namer for my three older kids, though of course dh agreed.  Some he liked more than others, and we did use some of his family names as middle names.

 

For my youngest, dh had chosen the girl name, and I chose the boy name.  Neither of us was sure of the other's choice.  She's a girl.  Her name has grown on me though I find it annoying that people continually mispronounce it.  Also, they nickname it which I guess is inevitable but I don't like the nickname.

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For our firstborn I ended up naming her and only allowing DH veto rights, so for our secondborn I told him he gets to name her and I have veto rights.  We ended with the two, so it worked out pretty evenly.

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I was the main namer for my three older kids, though of course dh agreed. Some he liked more than others, and we did use some of his family names as middle names.

 

For my youngest, dh had chosen the girl name, and I chose the boy name. Neither of us was sure of the other's choice. She's a girl. Her name has grown on me though I find it annoying that people continually mispronounce it. Also, they nickname it which I guess is inevitable but I don't like the nickname.

We have a girl name we both love but with many of our family having thick southern accents, we won’t use it because I don’t like the way it sounds when pronounced wrong.
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We have a girl name we both love but with many of our family having thick southern accents, we won’t use it because I don’t like the way it sounds when pronounced wrong.

 

Yes.  It's not just that I would need to correct the initial try at saying it.  They keep saying it wrong and they actually can't hear why.

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Joint effort all around. One of us suggests, and the other vetoes until we have a few we can live with. Usually I suggest ones, and DH vetoes all but a few. Several of the middles have been his pick, or my suggestion at something he would like. (I suggested we use DH’s middle for DS3’s middle because it fits nicely, and I knew he’d like the initials.)

 

I think Nate might have been his final pick. We had a few but hadn’t talked about them much. We

debated between Nick and Nate (Nick — appropriate for a Christmas baby, or too obvious), and I think he said he liked Nate better, so BabyNate he is.

 

I don’t dislike any of the names. I love them all, for their sounds, meanings, and historical/Biblical contexts. Our DS4, who arrived decidedly dramatically (Although not as dramatically as Nate, good grief), purposely has a Biblical namesake who was also a show of God’s great power and excitement.

 

We’ve only ever agreed on one girl’s name, DD’s, but if we have another girl, I’m insisting that we use my middle for her middle. My other favorite girl’s name is the only girl’s name from my short list that DH has not completely vetoes.

Edited by happypamama
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Dh chose dss' name though I obviously wasn't around for that. 

 

I chose ds' name because I felt strongly that I wanted to name him after my dad. Dh didn't have strong feelings towards a particular boy's name, not like he did with dss. We both came up with his middle name.

 

We were having trouble deciding on a girl's name. I liked Mary. Dh liked my name. I couldn't bear to put them together because to me Mary Kathleen (or vice versa) sounded too much like a nun's name lol! Fortunately the ultrasound showed clearly a boy so we dropped the girl name discussion. 

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Ours were truly joint discussions.  I don't even recall who came up with the final names or the idea for their middle names.  For middle names we opted to use each other's middle name - figuring it would be his if a boy and mine if a girl.  Since we had two boys we used his for the oldest's middle name, then the male form of mine for middle son's middle name.  When we were surprised by youngest we decide to use one of our first names as a middle name, again, going by gender.  Youngest has hubby's first name as his middle name.  Had it been a girl she'd have had my first name as her middle name.

 

For first names we both knew we wanted Biblical (boy) names so brought up any we could remember and picked one we liked.  We're not as fond of Biblical girl names (way too common for us), so brainstormed and came up with something we liked.  We did that for each lad and never had to use our girl's option. 

 

No regrets.  

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My oldest is sort-of named after my ex.  She has the female version of his name and her middle name is his mother's name.   Our next child would have been named after me/my family but there never was a next with him (thankfully).

 

Ds is a junior.  I'm not really a fan but it's a very big thing in Dh's family - almost every first male child is a Junior.    

 

Youngest dd has my name as a middle name, not after me but after the grandmother I was named after who passed away while I was pregnant with dd.  We picked a somewhat old fashioned first name to go well with the middle name.  At the name, we'd kind of throw out names periodically and we both agreed on this one.

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I had the most influence, since I was the only one suggesting names.  DH was invited to suggest names but never cared to do so.  He did have veto power over the list of names.

 

I have to admit that for DS, I had his name chosen when I was about 4 weeks pregnant and just starting to suspect that he was a possibility.  I even changed my password at work to reflect his name when the every 4 months password change came up!   So DH did not get a lot of influence on that one, although had he absolutely hated it, I could have come up with something else.  He actually wasn't all that convinced of DS's name until my parents came over after DS was born and we told them his name and my mother said "Hmm, have you thought about Graham?" in a really doubtful manner.  Then DH was sure that DS's name was his name.

 

Middle names were entirely chosen by me - DH didn't care.

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My husband's family is very big on using family names, and I like that, so we had agreement there.

 

However... my husband is the third with his name.  Yes, Firstname Middlename Lastname III.   The first and middle names are... well, very old, and old-fashioned, names, not much used and often subject to jokes and taunts.  He goes by a somewhat- related nickname.

 

So when I was pregnant with our first, there was the dilemma - if it was a boy, should he be IV?   I told my husband if he really, really wanted it, like felt it was super-important to him to do it (not important to his parents, but to him), I would do it, but that he could pretty much pick any other name and it would be better.

 

It was a boy.  He is not IV, but rather named after his maternal grandfather - a good name - and has as middle name the ancient last name of the family.  (Well, maybe not ancient, but they can trace back to the 14th century, so close enough.)

 

Our second is a girl; her first name is my mom's name, and her middle name is my MIL's name.  That fits the pattern of my name; I too am named after my two grandmas.  I love my mom's name so that makes me happy.

 

Happy with both names.  

 

 

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It was between two names for my oldest. My preference was Calvin. DH preferred the other. I don’t think he realized that we hadn’t come to an agreement. When the baby was born, my elated husband called everyone and told them the name he preferred. Later I said, “Smooth move telling everyone the name you wanted,†and he looked genuinely surprised and said, “But I thought we’d agreed on X.†I let him have that one because he wasn’t being sneaky. He really thought we’d agreed and it’s a fine name so it’s all good.

 

I picked the name for the second son, and DH liked it pretty much off the bat, so we both agreed on that one very easily.

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We were pretty much in agreement. DH did agree that all the children (6) could have the same middle name, which is my maiden name. I only have one girl and her three older brothers named her. Of course we pre approved the names they picked out but they made the final decision.

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DH tells them the stories of how they were named. Then I tell them the truth, lol.

 

DH is certain that DS13 is named after a famous actor. Not true. We saw the name in the credits of a movie, yes, but not that actor.

 

DH thinks he got to name DS11 after a comic book character. Fortunately everyone has the good sense to know *that’s†not true, lol. We could not come up with any ideas. I had borrowed a baby name book from the library that had sections like sibling names and Irish names. The name we picked was in there, under both sections.

 

We didn’t know boy/girl in advance for either. Fortunately two boys, as we would still be there if we had to name a girl.

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I really wanted to name our last ds Cassimier. Cassimier is our ancestor who came from Alsace-Lorraine and settled in Canada. He's the reason we're all Canadian. 

 

Dh hated the name and didn't want to inflict it upon our ds.

 

Then I suggested Cecil. Cecil was an uncle I barely knew, so no real important meaning, but I liked the name and I liked that it was in the family. Dh said no to that, too.

 

We went with Charles - with the caveat that no one would call him Chuck (dh's dad is Charles and is called Chuck). So, we've got a Charlie. I do like the name and I'm fine with it and I understand dh's point about not going with anything weird. But, I do wish we would have gone with Cassimier or Cecil.

 

We did use Cassimier for his middle name.

 

We both agreed on the other names. 

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Back and forth we worked on it together.

 

DS's name is one DH mentioned he liked earlier in our marriage. I didn't particularly like it then, but came back around to it when pregnant with DS, with the proviso we NOT use a particular nickname. And it works. His middle name is my maiden name -- which fits the pattern in my husband's family. Not my favorite middle name but I love the family connection.

 

We had a girl name chosen for DS as well and used the same first name for DD but chose a different middle name. (I chose it for multiple reasons and my husband was OK with it though I learned later he would have loved Lydia so we agreed that'd be our next girl name and we have not yet had a third.)

 

 

Edited by vonfirmath
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I made a short list of names that I liked.  DH picked his favorite.  Probably an unusual system, but it worked!  He didn't choose the one that I wanted the most, but his instincts were right (or maybe it was just pure luck) because the name he chose suits her much better than the one that was originally my favorite, and so now of course it's my favorite.  :D  And best of all, she likes her name, which makes me very happy.  I have never liked my name, and I didn't want her to feel that way.

 

 

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My XH didn't like much.  He has a name that is often used as a girl's name and he is super sensitive about it.....he was obsessed with our son not having a name anyone can make fun of.  He was ridiculous though.  "Michael."  he would spit out a name with much distain and then say, 'No, kid of mine is going to be named Michael!'  Seriously, the most common and generic names possibly he would do that to.  

 

We finally agreed on a first name.  A strong male name.  So I wanted to use his deceased father's middle name for ds's middle name.  It is an old family name....someone's last name originally I am sure.  Oh, no, no kid of MINE is going to have such a weird middle name.  Fine. Then his middle name shall be Alexander.  Btw, I still love that name....anyway, the day ds is born, while I am in labor, XH asks me if he can change his mind and use his dad's middle name instead. In the middle of contractions I said, 'you want to change the name NOW?'  He looked so sad and said he was just thinking how he wished his dad could be here to see ds.  Well, how could I argue with that?  :)  But I love his name.  I mean actually *I* suggested it originally...

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A mix of ways.  We didn't find out the gender for our first three, so we had two names each time.  Pre-marriage, I informed DH that I wanted to use my maiden name for a boy, and my great-grandmother's name for a girl's middle name.  Fortunately he was on board with both.

 

DS1 has my maiden name for a first name, and my FIL/GFIL's name as a middle name.  There was no need for discussion - we both loved the whole name.  We had a girl's name picked out, but when I was pregnant the second time, it just didn't work for me.  DD1's name was something I randomly suggested while we were watching TV one night, apropos of nothing.  I still have no idea how it popped into my head.  DH loved it, and particularly loved the nickname.  So DD1 has that first name + my great grandmother's maiden name.

 

DS2's name is one we both agreed on if DD1 had been a boy.  No family name involved, but we both had tossed out variations of his first and middle name.  I'm the one that put them together, and we use his initials as a nickname.  When I was pregnant with him, we could NOT agree on a girl's name.  I had a huge list, and DH vetoed everything.  He had accepted a new job and we were moving halfway across the country, and for some reason the name was stressing me out.  So I wrote down my top six names, and basically said he had to choose one, end of discussion.  He did  :lol: Brand new DD2 ended up with that name 20 months later.  In between babies, DH's grandmother passed away, so DD2 has her maiden name for a middle name.

 

We're done now, and I'm happy with my kids' names.  The only name I really, really, really love that I never got to use (hard no from DH) was Lola, which was another of my great-grandmothers.  Dh couldn't get passed Damn Yankees and the Kinks, since he, of course, never met my "Bowa".  

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My DH is funny because he may not like a name right out of the gate and veto it, but if I keep slipping it into lists then he eventually warms to it. Pretty much every single name happened like this. I feel strongly about names and tend to only like 2 or 3 that feels like "the name" to me. Each time he didn't like them and would suggest completely out dated or overly popular alternatives. We would revisit lists every week or so through the pregnancy and I would keep bringing my faves to the forefront and pairing them with middle names to give them a fresh introduction. DH is also big on meaning so if they mean something important to him all the better. By month 9 he usually had fallen in love with one of those top names. He then, of course, "remembers" liking them all along.

 

One time he was pushing for a name that 2 years later he heard again and said "I really don't like that name" and when I tried to remind him that he wanted to name our son that he denied it haha! :)

 

With our DD he felt strongly about a name that I had always loved but then our older son dated someone with the name so I wasn't going to use it. DH couldn't let the name go so I ultimately caved and we used it. It wasn't an issue with older DS it just wasn't a name used often and I was worried about a strong association.

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We did it together. We found names we both loved.

 

And we shared the experience with our kids’ birthparents. :)

 

DS has a family name from each of us: my family; DH’s birthfamily; DH’s family. We had asked his birthmother to give him his middle name, but she declined. We were stuck on the middle name for some time.

 

DD’s name is a combo of women’s names in both our families. We had planned to give her a specific middle name (a friend’s, who had passed), but we again offered to have her birthmother give her middle name. She took us up on it, and DD has the middle name from her - which is beautiful.

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We discussed/ranked/agreed upon for the first two. DH was only opposed to a certain nickname of my middle child, but said child doesn't like or use that nickname anyway.

 

I let George Lucas name the third one. Because of the circumstances surrounding that particular surprise, the least I could do was let DH have a Skywalker, lol.

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I know there is usually some degree of joint agreement, but someone proposed the name, maybe someone lobbied for a name, someone made a final decision. How did it happen in your house?

 

I've done most of the naming here. Dh picked ds12's middle name--he has his mother's maiden name as a middle name and wanted ds to have mine. I wouldn't have picked it myself but I was OK with it (never particularly liked my maiden name but do like names that indicate family connections).

 

Ds7 Dh and I each wanted a different middle name so we used both and gave him two middle names.

 

Ds5 I wanted to have dh's name as a middle name; he was a bit reluctant but acquiesced.

 

Dd3 also got a second middle name because I wanted it--we almost had to change the birth certificate for that one because I had initially given in to dh's choice of a single middle name and after leaving the hospital decided I really did want the second as well. I called their records office and caught them just before they entered her birth certificate information into the system.

 

It was Dh who preferred the second middle name be included for ds0.

 

Otherwise I've chosen all the names with Dh mostly just agreeing.

 

I picked out the girl names and he had veto power. He would have gotten the boys, and I got veto power. Luckily we didn't have boys because he said, after I got pregnant, that he wouldn't respect my veto! We're divorced now, for those who don't know my story. It wasn't over baby names but I was terrified he'd demand to give the baby a religious name and that I'd have to fight it big time. We were an interfaith couple and literally everything that people said would happen, that I said "oh come on that won't happen, you're being a ridiculous sectarian jerk", happened.

 

Lesson learned.

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When I was expecting ds17, I bought The Baby Name Survey Book.  It is quite a bit shorter than the big name book and it told the meaning of the name and people's perceptions of the name.  It was really quite useful.

 

I gave the book to dh and told him to use a pencil to cross out every name he didn't like, and I would choose from the rest.   :D

 

We did discuss the names and made sure that we were in agreement.

 

Dh's middle name is his father's first name; we continued the pattern and ds17's middle name is dh's first name.  Dd15's middle name is the same as mine.

 

Dh and I liked different middle names for dd11.  After she was born I decided to let him have the name he wanted since I had gotten so many of the names that I wanted.  Recently, when I told dd11 the name I would have chosen for a middle name, she made a face and said that she was glad Dad won.  

 

A friend of ours chose dd10's name.  He heard me griping about naming her when I was expecting.  There is girl's name that has been passed down in my family in one form or another for at least six generations, but I didn't like the way it sounded with our last name.  Our friend suggested an altered form of the name that I hadn't though of, and that's what we named her.  She is now the seventh generation with a form of the name.  :)

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I chose, but I admit I allowed certain people to pressure me in certain ways.  I did stare down my sister who got this "hmm let me consider" look on her face when I told her one of the names.  Excuse me, it's really not up to you, LOL.

 

Their middle names are their birth first names.  One is a name I might have chosen, the other is not, but I didn't feel right taking away the one thing that was theirs.  Besides, it made it easier to not have to justify 4 names to people who think they get a say-so.  :P

 

I'm really glad I didn't end up using the middle name I had tentatively chosen.  A huge % of kids from a similar background have the same name either as 1st or middle.  And here I thought it was my own clever idea, LOL.

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