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Night Elf

Dd doesn't want to come home

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She has now made friends and has a job so she doesn't want to come home over the summer. She plans to sublet an apartment for the summer and will rent a 4 BR apartment with friends for the school year. She doesn't drive, only has a Learner's Permit and it's time to renew it. Can we still pretend she lives here with us since we provide more than half her support? She gets a tuition only scholarship and maxes out loans and we pay the rest. We also buy all extras. She has a job making very little and just uses it for spending money. She needs to file her taxes which we plan to do when she comes home for Spring break. And the only reason she's agreed to come home for that week is that she has two doctor's appointments.

 

She doesn't feel like our home is her home anymore. That makes me quite sad.

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Aww. I'm sure that is hard.  But, it's what we raise them for, right? To fly!  It sounds like she is doing what she is suppose to do.

 

I don't know the answer to your other question, but I think if she is in college her legal residence is yours.

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DS22 has had an apartment (shared) near his university for two years. He still lists our house as his home address for most things. I don't know the legalities of it, but it's always seemed the easiest and simplest thing to do since college kids are often on the move and we didn't know if he'd be staying in his apartment for more than a year. He hasn't changed his driver's license or anything like that..

 

I'm sorry you're feeling sad. DS has commented before that at this stage of his life neither his apartment nor our house really feels like home. I look at it as a transition that all young people (and us parents!) eventually have to make. Or at least we hope they make it eventually. ;)

 

:grouphug:

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I only went back to my parents’ house one of the 3 summers I was in college, and it was the one my now-DH spent at ROTC training camp. It was nothing against my parents per se but rather that I wanted to continue spending time with my boyfriend in an unchaperoned environment. If I could have afforded my own apartment for the summer near my hometown and he had been in the area too, I would have been fine with that. My parents probably would not have been, however

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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My DD only came home her first summer. The second summer she worked half way across the country, the third summer she worked in the city where she goes to college. I miss her, but this is what she is supposed to do.

Her primary address is still our home address. College students are still considered residents at their parent's address.

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I know how it is. My 20yo came home for only two weeks last summer, and this past Christmas he was home only 10 days. I enjoy when he's home and wish he would spend more time with us, but on the other hand I realize that young men have an innate desire to go out and conquer the world. Ftom his perspective, mom and dad are just always there, unchanging, whereas the world is exciting and new, something to be conquered and explored. It is the way it is supposed to be.

 

Eta: Your address is still the permanent address, while the apartment is only a temporary address.

Edited by Kinsa
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I didn't want to come home in college.  I loved the environment, the people, the experiences.  I don't know what to expect when my kids head off to college but I get it.  I'm sorry you are sad.  ((HUGS))

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I came home during summers during college but only because I HAD to. I hated it and vowed that I would never "force" my kids to come home.

 

Some kids come home. Some come home and stay for a while. But ultimately we want them to have their own lives -- and their timetable for spreading their wings isn't necessarily ours.

 

We want our kids to have wings -- and when they fly we miss them, but we want them to fly, right?

 

And then when they come home, it's because they WANT to, not because they have to.

Edited by Gwen in VA
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:grouphug:

 

I miss my dd too. But it's good. She's trying new things and leaning how to be independent. Today, she told me about various research opportunities she's applying to far away from home. 

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:grouphug:

 

I am sure it is a small comfort but my dream is to have kids so secure that they are ready to find a new home as they become adults. I know I was and looking back, the security of my mother's love and attachment was part of what made that possible.

 

Here's hoping and believing this is a good sign for your long-term relationship.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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I know this is a hard time for parents. I did the same thing to mine when I was in college, only coming home the first summer. After that I had a job, summer school, and a boyfriend. I don't think I realized how hard it was on my parents because it seemed normal to me. My dd18 claims that she will come home every weekend from university next year. I told her that I would be happy to see her that often but not to worry if she becomes involved in her new life there and can't come home as often as she thinks she will now. I want her to take advantage of all the new opportunities and experiences, but I know it will be so hard for me. Hugs to you.

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A big factor in my college selection was being too far away from home to visit.  I only went home my first summer, and one x-mass break. 

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I've been going through changes since she started college. First she came home several times in her first semester. Then only a couple of times spring semester. She came home for the summer because she didn't have friends who were staying and she didn't have a job. This school year has been different. She finally made friends and got a small part-time job on campus. We'll be paying her rent for both summer and her next academic school year which is why I said we provide more than half her support.

 

Thanks for the info. We'll leave our home address as her primary address for taxes and drivers permit.

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