How do you not feel guilty??

[Moxie]

I like to be helpful. I don’t think i’m a doormat??

 

I’m pretty sure I’m going to get a text in the morning asking for a favor. It will take a couple hours. I’m pretty busy and have tomorrow morning blocked off but i’m just doing my nails. I could move it but it makes my day very tight. But I feel bad saying no when I could help. And I know I will probably say yes. Ugh. I already feel bad for thinking about saying no to a favor I haven’t been asked to do yet. Crazy, I know!!

[marbel]

When I saw the thread title I thought my answer would be "I feel guilty about something pretty much every day of my life."

 

But I say no to requests for favors all the time.  Even if my morning is blocked off so I can finish reading a novel or for no reason at all except I don't want to have plans.  You don't have to say yes to every favor that is asked of you.  

 

Just be ready to say "sorry, I can't do it."  And don't try to explain why!

[Rosie_0801]

I think the first step might be not to care about feeling guilty.

 

"Hello Guilt. I know you are an irrational reaction. There's nothing I can do to stop you being here, but don't be thinking I'm going to bring you a glass of wine and a chokkie because I'm not."

[Scarlett]

I like to be helpful. I don’t think i’m a doormat??

 

I’m pretty sure I’m going to get a text in the morning asking for a favor. It will take a couple hours. I’m pretty busy and have tomorrow morning blocked off but i’m just doing my nails. I could move it but it makes my day very tight. But I feel bad saying no when I could help. And I know I will probably say yes. Ugh. I already feel bad for thinking about saying no to a favor I haven’t been asked to do yet. Crazy, I know!!

 

 

Well I feel your pain.

 

I have a good friend who had a very serious ankle surgery last fall.  Her baby was 12 months old. She is a single mom....and she has a 10 year old also.  We are on a stupid 4 day school week in my district....which makes the kids have to be at school at 7:45....if he catches the bus it is at 6:30.  Ugh.  A lot of details to say that I ended up taking her son to school all 4 days of the week for the last 2 months.  2 of those days I have to go into work anyway....it only means I have to leave about 30 minutes early. But the other 2 days I don't leave the house early.  I still took him to school because she could not do it at first....and then when she 'could' it still involves getting a baby out of the house in the cold too.  She is able to drive and walk now so I finally go the nerve to text her on Sunday and say, 'I can take your son to school on these 2 days.'  It has been fine.  She is still appreciative of what I do.  

 

But yes, I feel your guilt pain.

[hjffkj]

When it really matters, like a sil is sick and she needs relieve from the kids for a bit, I don't even think twice. I happily drop everything and help out. When it is something less pressing and could have been scheduled in advance but the person dropped the ball and chose to contact me last minute I offer to do it at a convenient time for me, could be later that day or in a week, and just say my schedule is too busy now to do it.

 

No reason to feel guilty. My time is valuable, even if it is just scheduled reading or relaxing time. That is precious time that keeps me functioning. So if it isn't an emergency or for my sils(I really will do anything for them now since they both have newborns,) I prioritize myself.

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:

 

Is this favor something that will have long term serious negative consequences for someone if you don't do it?  Or is this more a convenience favor?  If it is the former I would consider shifting the nail appointment.  If it is the latter, sorry, just be honest that you have another commitment and don't let them pressure you into changing your schedule.

 

FWIW, I used to feel horrible if I didn't help out when someone asked me to. It is in my nature to want to help.  Not as a doormat but simply because I feel that we are all part of a community and I want to be a positive part of that community and support my friends/family/neighbors.  However, I came to realize that there is only so much of me to go around and there will ALWAYS be people needing something, asking for something, feeling like my time doing other things is not as valuable as the time I could be spending helping them with their thing.  I had to finally learn to say no, and not a wimpy no but a firm/polite/clear no, with no waffling.  

[mlktwins]

I would probably feel a little guilty, but would say no.  I used to tend to give too much information or try to explain why I couldn't do something, but now (at age 50), I would do what a PP suggested and just say I'm sorry and can't do it.  

 

ETA:  I also dislike relying on other people for a very much (DH is like that too).  I know people's time is valuable or there will be conditions placed on my asking for help or favor, so I just don't do it.  

Edited January 26, 2018 by mlktwins

[Garga]

I don’t think I feel guilty. I have often wondered what people mean by that—that they feel guilty. A sense that you’re doing something wrong on purpose? Like if you steal something you feel guilty because you’ve done something wrong?

 

Maybe I feel guilty and don’t know it because I call it something else. I usually do not feel that I’m doing anything wrong. I rarely feel that I am letting anyone down. And I say no to lots of things, especially when asked to do volunteer activities. I don’t say no very often to a friend in need, but friends in need rarely ask me for help. I don’t jump in to help when people don’t ask. Like, I had the flu one time and a friend randomly brought me dinner. She didn’t need to do that. DH is a better cook than I am and we were fine. I wouldn't think to bring someone soup if they didn’t ask. But if you ask me to watch your kid while you’re at the doctor? Sure.

[gardenmom5]

I like to be helpful. I don’t think i’m a doormat??

 

I’m pretty sure I’m going to get a text in the morning asking for a favor. It will take a couple hours. I’m pretty busy and have tomorrow morning blocked off but i’m just doing my nails. I could move it but it makes my day very tight. But I feel bad saying no when I could help. And I know I will probably say yes. Ugh. I already feel bad for thinking about saying no to a favor I haven’t been asked to do yet. Crazy, I know!!

 

baring extreme circumstances where it's appropriate to drop things for something that is more important, you sound like a doormat.   my mother was  a doormat.

 

you would have to rearrange your schedule to help this person - and assuming everything goes according to plan, you could fit it all in.  *maybe*. that' doesn't take into account icy roads, road construction - or imbeciles driving like an idiot (there was one today - I was ROOTING for the traffic camera!), or anything else that can throw a wrench into a day.

 

unless you are personally already responsible for this person (are they one of your children?  your dh?  an aged parent who depends upon you and needs to go to a dr and it can't be rescheduled?), is it a life or death ER visit for the other person?  (I can relate to the other side of this.  someone else arranged for a 3rd person to take me to a well-child check when dudeliing was 3days old.  they had me running him all over doing blood tests and being examined by multiple drs.  the 3rd person who had driven me (to be helpful) was very impatient, and really in a hurry to go to her family gathering.   I said just take me home - then I drove to my ped, then back to the hospital, by myself, with my 3day old baby to be readmitted to the special care nursery.  I called one person from the hospital  just to ask a question, no expectations.  when she heard where I was - she dropped everything and came to sit with me until my husband could get there.)

 

 

you can't be everything to all people.    it's okay to say 'no', I can't.  do not give excuses - as most people see that as a negotiation chip to convince you why your helping them is more important than meeting your own needs.

 

eta: no, I don't feel guilty.  I'm happy to help when I can.  I try to be open minded.  I also try to be realistic.  if something critical comes up- yes, I will drop things.   but if it's helping someone to pull their ox out of the mire because they've ignored it all week, and they want me to change my schedule to help them when they could have made arrangements a week ago - no, i don't feel guilty saying "no".   I have my own responsibilities to my own family.

Edited January 26, 2018 by gardenmom5

[Garga]

Thinking it through, I have felt regret, unease, and doubt about things like parenting or declining to help someone. Maybe people lump those under “guilt.†The feelings are not prevalent in my life, though, and I don’t see them as guilt.

 

OP—how serious is the person’s need? If it’s not all that serious, I’d say no. But if it’s a big deal that will leave them in a serious bind then I’d help. But not for something that’s not serious. I’d feel a momentary discomfort saying no, but it would pass pretty quickly.

Edited January 26, 2018 by Garga

[solascriptura]

I'm getting to old to feel guilty about everything.  For me, guilt shows up depending on the favor.  If it involves helping sick kids, the elderly, or single moms I will most definitely feel guilty about not being able to help.  I will almost always do the favor asked.  If it's just a task to make some other able bodied person's life easier, I wouldn't feel guilty at all.  

[Liz CA]

"Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. An eye-opening read for many.

[KungFuPanda]

Turn off your phone.

 

😈

[kiwik]

I understand we did don't have to say yes every time and that "No" is a complete sentence but what would happen if everyone always said no? But if it is just having the kid so she can do something then no.

[HS Mom in NC]

Since there are no specifics being offered, I have to respond to a wide range of possibilities.  (Sorry to talk down to the OP by stating the obvious with that first sentence, but I had a complaint earlier this week from a boardie who gave scant information then seemed miffed that my response covered a more extreme possibility than they had imagined and wouldn't have done, but was based on my personal experience with someone in a similar situation who did behave in the more extreme way.  So that's my disclaimer for today's internet discussion. )

I don't feel guilty saying no when the person asking the favor is not having an emergency or something truly urgent and consequential. 

Other people's failure to plan does NOT constitute an emergency on my part.

I'm not obligated to rearrange my day for something they could reasonably handle if they rearranged their week.

Most of us know that person who has self-inflicted crises because of their bad choices.  Sometimes the best thing to do in the long term is let them feel the full force of their decision making and not rescue them from the consequences.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I think the first step might be not to care about feeling guilty.

 

"Hello Guilt. I know you are an irrational reaction. There's nothing I can do to stop you being here, but don't be thinking I'm going to bring you a glass of wine and a chokkie because I'm not."

:iagree:  :iagree:  This exactly.  I feel bad but I know I made the right decision in saying no.... sometimes I still give in and bring it a chokkie,

[HS Mom in NC]

Googling chokkie.

[HS Mom in NC]

Don't waste the wine and chokkie on guilt, save it for yourself!

[marbel]

I understand we did don't have to say yes every time and that "No" is a complete sentence but what would happen if everyone always said no? But if it is just having the kid so she can do something then no.

 

It depends on the favor, how urgent it is and how well the person could handle the thing without help.

 

If I'd said no when a friend asked if she could come do laundry at my house because her laundry room was affected by some remodeling, she could have gone to the laundromat.  (This is something I knew to be true, not speculation.)

 

If I'd said no when a friend whose car was in the shop asked me to take her to the grocery store, she could have walked to the smaller store near her house and just gotten a few immediate needs, or asked her husband to pick something up on the way home from work, or scrounged her pantry and freezer for food for that night's dinner. (Same as above, not speculation.  She didn't want to use the food they had, didn't want to ask her husband to stop, etc.  But I stupidly said yes anyway.)

 

If I'd said no to a friend who had wanted to go to a medical appointment with her husband but needed someone to watch her kids, she would have either stayed home or taken the kids and dealt with the chaos that would inevitably ensue.  So that one I was glad I said yes to.

Edited January 26, 2018 by marbel

[SparklyUnicorn]

I say if you can't control yourself, don't check your texts.

 

text?  what text?  you were busy...didn't get a chance to check texts...

 

or...maybe you forgot to charge your phone...oops...it happens

 

[Katy]

I'm thinking that whatever is coming up that you could foresee but that the other person didn't have the consideration to call and ask for help as soon as they realized they needed help - out of consideration for you - means whatever it is isn't that important and there is no reason to feel guilty for saying no.

 

If you think this is something you're going to have to answer to God for, then obviously help.  If this is something where the person was being lazy or unwise and you are only enabling them to continue to be lazy or unwise by helping, then don't help and feel good about it.

[HomeAgain]

I keep in mind that I'm important, too.

 

But it really would depend.  I had made an offhand comment one day to an acquaintance that if she ever needed a sitter, call me.  The woman was taking on a LOT at the time and I wasn't.  A year and a half later I got a text asking me to babysit her kids the next day.  It was going to be an extremely busy day for me, going to the moving company, having buyers walk through our home...just a mess.  But as I was about to write "no", I changed it to "yes" instead.  I figured if she had kept that in mind for a year and a half, and it was last minute like that, I was her last resort. (And I was) I don't regret that I did - she ended up having something big that she was asked to do last moment (meeting with community leaders) and it wouldn't have been okay to have kids there.

 

So I guess it's balance.  And if you feel that niggling bit of doubt, figure out why. 

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I have a few people that always seem to have last minute emergencies. Little things that add up and it gets really annoying. I already do stuff for these people. Really big stuff. So the little was really starting to piss me off.

 

We went away for xmas and I realized that after they texted about me being the last possible person they had to help, they still got the thing done, and I wasn’t here. So I say no now to a lot of little things. I’m starting to say no to some of the bigger things too.

 

(With some of the big things, they were NOT getting done before I came along, so I won’t just disappear)

[Wheres Toto]

I'm running into this with my mother.  Dh and I both help out as often as we can, and we've helped with some really big stuff in the past few years.  But, she calls me almost daily with small stuff that she wants done at a certain time/day.  Not that they NEED to be done right then, she just wants them done right then.  I'm now teaching classes 5 days a week and can't always do things on her schedule. If she gave me more notice, or had more flexibility on timing, I could help a lot more.  When I am unable to help, she usually just does it herself (so that was always possible).  

 

I was feeling really guilty about it for a while, but I'm past that now.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I look at favors like the Godfather does.  I try to do them if I can because I'd rather other people be in my debt than vice-versa.   :lol:

 

Whether or not I would mess up my own day for a favor would really depend on many factors.  Relative importance of the favor vs my plans, whether or not the person is the type you give an inch and they take a mile, etc.

[Scarlett]

I think it is important to be ok saying no so that we save our energy for real needs.

 

Like with my friend......she would have had to get her and a 10 year old up at 5:30 so he could catch the bus. And then when her fixator was removed and she could drive she would have still had to get her year old baby out in single digit temps. No garage either which makes it harder.

 

Temps warmed up and her older son moved back in so I felt it was time I stop taking him 4 days a week. I had a good long talk with myself about it and finally decided my biggest problem was knowing how to tell her that.....I texted her one Sunday evening and said, ' hi I can take your 10 yo to school Tuesday and Wednesday this week.'.

 

So now you need to let us know if you changed your schedule for this friend or not.

Edited January 28, 2018 by Scarlett

[SKL]

I'm bad at saying no ... but I'm getting better.  :)

 

I wake up most mornings feeling both guilty and anxious about both personal and work things people expect from me.

 

A couple months ago a friend asked me to look out for possible jobs for him as he is going to move to my area.  I've done nothing.  I am sure he will be fine, and I really don't have much I can do for him, plus I have about 1000 other obligations, but I still feel guilty.

Edited January 26, 2018 by SKL

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I keep in mind that I'm important, too.

 

But it really would depend.  I had made an offhand comment one day to an acquaintance that if she ever needed a sitter, call me.  The woman was taking on a LOT at the time and I wasn't.  A year and a half later I got a text asking me to babysit her kids the next day.  It was going to be an extremely busy day for me, going to the moving company, having buyers walk through our home...just a mess.  But as I was about to write "no", I changed it to "yes" instead.  I figured if she had kept that in mind for a year and a half, and it was last minute like that, I was her last resort. (And I was) I don't regret that I did - she ended up having something big that she was asked to do last moment (meeting with community leaders) and it wouldn't have been okay to have kids there.

 

So I guess it's balance.  And if you feel that niggling bit of doubt, figure out why. 

 

That was incredibly good and generous of you.  I had a situation once, where my obstetrician called me and told me she had results about my pregnancy that she needed to give me in person, could I come in that day.  I had NO ONE who could watch me other three kids, so in desperation, called a close friend who is a working mom.  She left work on the spot and came and watched my kids.  I will never forget her doing that for me.  

 

(Turned out baby was fine after all, just a false alarm)

[Beth S]

I have difficulty saying "no" . . . but if I need to, I try to suggest an alternate solution, or an alternate friend who could help.

It gives them hope, if they are in a bind.

[gardenmom5]

Since there are no specifics being offered, I have to respond to a wide range of possibilities.  (Sorry to talk down to the OP by stating the obvious with that first sentence, but I had a complaint earlier this week from a boardie who gave scant information then seemed miffed that my response covered a more extreme possibility than they had imagined and wouldn't have done, but was based on my personal experience with someone in a similar situation who did behave in the more extreme way.  So that's my disclaimer for today's internet discussion. )

 

I don't feel guilty saying no when the person asking the favor is not having an emergency or something truly urgent and consequential. 

 

Other people's failure to plan does NOT constitute an emergency on my part.

 

I'm not obligated to rearrange my day for something they could reasonably handle if they rearranged their week.

 

Most of us know that person who has self-inflicted crises because of their bad choices.  Sometimes the best thing to do in the long term is let them feel the full force of their decision making and not rescue them from the consequences.

 

 

Sometimes the *kindest* thing to do in the long term is let them feel the full force of their decision making and not rescue them from the consequences.    fify.

 

some people will only learn if they experience the full consequences of their own choices.  it's not a kindness to repeatedly bail someone out.  (it makes the bailer feel good, but the bailee doesn't learn anything that will change their behavior to avoid being in a position they need to be bailed out in the future.)

 

 

I'm running into this with my mother.  Dh and I both help out as often as we can, and we've helped with some really big stuff in the past few years.  But, she calls me almost daily with small stuff that she wants done at a certain time/day.  Not that they NEED to be done right then, she just wants them done right then.  I'm now teaching classes 5 days a week and can't always do things on her schedule. If she gave me more notice, or had more flexibility on timing, I could help a lot more.  When I am unable to help, she usually just does it herself (so that was always possible).  

 

I was feeling really guilty about it for a while, but I'm past that now.

 

she may be bored. 

1 & 2 sil both are paid (by mil) to "caretake" her and 1sil is basically at her beck and call.   when she isn't getting enough from them - she will call us and have urgent things that must be done this instant!  invariably - they are things she can wait an hour or two for 1 or 2 sil to help her with.   she doens't want to wait.    I've noticed - she does it because she's bored, not because she thinks it needs to be done instantly.

you can't pay me enough to caretake this woman.   2sil's daughter commented - $1M a day isn't enough.

[kiwik]

That was incredibly good and generous of you. I had a situation once, where my obstetrician called me and told me she had results about my pregnancy that she needed to give me in person, could I come in that day. I had NO ONE who could watch me other three kids, so in desperation, called a close friend who is a working mom. She left work on the spot and came and watched my kids. I will never forget her doing that for me.

 

(Turned out baby was fine after all, just a false alarm)

In that situation I would always say yes. But I am working at not saying yes when the other person has been invited to a movie etc - I may not have anything planned but I look forward to my time off. If I am asked a week in advance it is different.

 

I remember being on the board of preschool and one woman insisted on the meeting being changed to a different day and time because that suited her mother better of baby sitting. I was also a single mother but with one more child and no mother to sit. The new time and day was much less convenient to me. Next time I will stand up for myself bit that time everyone supported her.

[KungFuPanda]

My thoughts are that saying “no†gives others a chance to say “yes.†Other people deserve those experiences too. Sometimes it allows an event to die a natural death. If there isn’t enough volunteer interest, and running it requires constant motivation by guilt, it’s time to release those volunteers to do something more suited to their passions. Pull the plug. Finally, saying “No, I have plans†is true even if your plan is to sit on the couch with your husband.

 

I feel like I said yes to everything in my 20s and 30s so I deserve to say no in my 40s, especially where homeschool events are concerned. My youngest is 17. The next generation WILL manage without us.

[catz]

I feel like I said yes to everything in my 20s and 30s so I deserve to say no in my 40s, especially where homeschool events are concerned. My youngest is 17. The next generation WILL manage without us.

 

:001_wub:   Can't like this enough!

[StaceyinLA]

 

:grouphug:

 

Is this favor something that will have long term serious negative consequences for someone if you don't do it? Or is this more a convenience favor? If it is the former I would consider shifting the nail appointment. <<

 

 

And something to keep in mind is that if you shift your nail appointment last minute, you’ll be inconveniencing the person who held a spot for you to have your manicure. You will also be affecting their income and potential ability to fill the spot. Not trying to dump more guilt on you, but maybe that will help you realize it’s okay to say no to the favor, especially if it isn’t critical.

Edited January 27, 2018 by StaceyinLA

[homemommy83]

I like to be helpful. I don’t think i’m a doormat??

 

I’m pretty sure I’m going to get a text in the morning asking for a favor. It will take a couple hours. I’m pretty busy and have tomorrow morning blocked off but i’m just doing my nails. I could move it but it makes my day very tight. But I feel bad saying no when I could help. And I know I will probably say yes. Ugh. I already feel bad for thinking about saying no to a favor I haven’t been asked to do yet. Crazy, I know!!

​When I was young- I was a totally doormat, but my husband didn't like me saying yes to everyone all of the time as it kept me from doing things for our family. Always ask your husband if he is ok with what you add to your plate, as it will affect the whole family (my husband does this with me as well). Now, I heavily limit things that I say yes to.

 

1. If it is for babysitting- I only do that for my closest friends for important events.  No longer, I just didn't want to take them to the store with me or my family canceled on our date night (which really meant that they hadn't asked family at all).

 

2. I require a week notice to babsit or do any chore related things for other people (if you call at the last minute, you will now learn the consequences of not giving me a heads up).  A lack of planning on your part is no longer an emergency on my part.

 

3. If I have plans and they are minor (in my mind) and a friend really does need help and it couldn't be planned ahead- I will do whatever I can to help.  To me it is intention that matters more than the action.

 

4. I am an introvert in the fact that being around people (while truly enjoyable) is EXHAUSTING to me, so I don't always have friends/ family over when they want.  I have a certain schedule and it is full, so I try to plan time that works for both families/ friends- not last minute type things.  Although closest family is welcome to come at any time- I just might not have a special snack made ect..

 

If you need a mental break from helping- unless it is an emergency you are doing a isservice to yourself.  My mothers family has a lot of mental illness and I feel mental health is very important.  We all need proper sleep and time alone (or on these boards-lol).

 

 

 

Brenda

[QueenCat]

I like to be helpful. I don’t think i’m a doormat??

 

I’m pretty sure I’m going to get a text in the morning asking for a favor. It will take a couple hours. I’m pretty busy and have tomorrow morning blocked off but i’m just doing my nails. I could move it but it makes my day very tight. But I feel bad saying no when I could help. And I know I will probably say yes. Ugh. I already feel bad for thinking about saying no to a favor I haven’t been asked to do yet. Crazy, I know!!

 

You shouldn't feel bad. If we don't take care of ourselves, we can't take care of others. Spa time, like getting your nails done, is a great way to take a needed break. You can't say yes just 'cause you can, or you won't be caring for yourself.

[homemommy83]

:grouphug:

 

Is this favor something that will have long term serious negative consequences for someone if you don't do it?  Or is this more a convenience favor?  If it is the former I would consider shifting the nail appointment.  If it is the latter, sorry, just be honest that you have another commitment and don't let them pressure you into changing your schedule.

 

FWIW, I used to feel horrible if I didn't help out when someone asked me to. It is in my nature to want to help.  Not as a doormat but simply because I feel that we are all part of a community and I want to be a positive part of that community and support my friends/family/neighbors.  However, I came to realize that there is only so much of me to go around and there will ALWAYS be people needing something, asking for something, feeling like my time doing other things is not as valuable as the time I could be spending helping them with their thing.  I had to finally learn to say no, and not a wimpy no but a firm/polite/clear no, with no waffling.  

This is me.

[homemommy83]

I don’t think I feel guilty. I have often wondered what people mean by that—that they feel guilty. A sense that you’re doing something wrong on purpose? Like if you steal something you feel guilty because you’ve done something wrong?

 

Maybe I feel guilty and don’t know it because I call it something else. I usually do not feel that I’m doing anything wrong. I rarely feel that I am letting anyone down. And I say no to lots of things, especially when asked to do volunteer activities. I don’t say no very often to a friend in need, but friends in need rarely ask me for help. I don’t jump in to help when people don’t ask. Like, I had the flu one time and a friend randomly brought me dinner. She didn’t need to do that. DH is a better cook than I am and we were fine. I wouldn't think to bring someone soup if they didn’t ask. But if you ask me to watch your kid while you’re at the doctor? Sure.

I am that friend and I have several of them as well.  After my miscarriage (I almost died-literally, and physically couldn't even lift my arms for a few days and couldn't walk without wheezing for a month- my iron was crazy low-at a 5 when I left the hospital (they thought my levels were higher due to someone elses test being mixed up as mine)) and my best friend came over and cut up my food and literally fed me.  My other close friends brought my family dinner/ snackable foods for two weeks!  I never asked for any help, word just got around through my two circles of friends and day after day food just appeared.  One of my friends just stayed by my side for the first two days.  I truly have crazy awesome friends.  My sister-in-love brought me two meals after my fifth born- she is a very giving, loving woman as well.  The more I write about my friends and family the more I realize how blessed that our family is with great people around us.

 

I cooked a couple weeks worth of freezer meals for my best friend when she about died with her seventh child (this happened a year before me- yes we had a rough couple pregnancies).  If I know any of my friends are sick I always bring dinner for a couple days- and usually clean their kitchen (we all have a lot of kids- and a kitchen gets so messy in just one day).  I love to take dinner to my friends houses as it is a way that I show love.  I just randomly will call my friends when I am making their favorite meal- and run it by their house- sometimes enough for their whole family. Food is my love language-lol.

 

 

I however, used to have many acquaintances who lived close by and they would just drop of children without even calling ahead- they thought that because I was home that I was free to do their babysitting- always for free.  My husband helped me get a healthy boundary toward people who are the using type.

 

 

Brenda

[homemommy83]

Turn off your phone.

 

😈

I think that is a good idea, but I have family and acquaintances who will just show up to my door and with six kids I can't hide and not answering the door will hurt relationships.

[homemommy83]

What ended up happening?  Was it a need or just her lazy planning?  I need THE JUICE-LOL :lol:  :lurk5: 

[Garga]

I like to be helpful. I don’t think i’m a doormat??

 

I’m pretty sure I’m going to get a text in the morning asking for a favor. It will take a couple hours. I’m pretty busy and have tomorrow morning blocked off but i’m just doing my nails. I could move it but it makes my day very tight. But I feel bad saying no when I could help. And I know I will probably say yes. Ugh. I already feel bad for thinking about saying no to a favor I haven’t been asked to do yet. Crazy, I know!!

 

 

What ended up happening?  Was it a need or just her lazy planning?  I need THE JUICE-LOL :lol:  :lurk5:

 

Yes...what happened!?

[Bambam]

If someone is in true need (i.e. not because they forgot to plan or didn't want to plan or just want to go to something else), I am willing to forego my plans if I can to help them out.

 

If they call and ask a favor because they didn't plan ahead, they are just lazy, they just want to do something fun, they are habitual needy people, I'm not going to skip what I have planned to help them out. 

 

Their lack of foresight or plan is not my problem. No guilt. Done. 

 

 

[UmMusa]

Now I’m curious too!