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Melissa in Australia

positive thoughts please

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It's mind-boggling that you are being blamed for damaging that child. It's just so completely twisted and evil. :(

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I’m having trouble understanding why anyone would think you are at fault in this situation. Is this child still in your home?

 

I wish there was something we could do on your behalf.

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Wow, I'm so, so sorry.  I feel very angry for you.  It's ridiculous.  It sounds like they're covering their tracks.  I think you need legal advice because you have clearly done nothing wrong and everything right.  

 

Do you have energy to fight this?  

 

I found this site:

 

http://www.probonocentre.org.au

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

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the main substantiated abuse:

 

Because I couldn't hug him after he was spying on me while I was having a shower,  I supposedly made him feel rejected, therefore I caused him long term emotional abuse that he is still having troubles with.

 

Oh I see, so he came to you with no issues whatsoever and all his problems stem from that moment??

 

I'm sorry, there just aren't civilized words for the people running that system.

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And talk about letting the perfect be the enemy of the good.

 

No parent is going to be able to be perfectly demonstrative and loving and have no boundaries of their own; people like that don't exist, and if they do I'm afraid of them.  The idea that not being perfectly nurturing in every aspect is equivalent to being unkind (not to mention equivalent to abuse!) is insanity.  If that is the standard, they'll have neither foster parents nor real parents left that they find suitable to care for children.

 

 

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I am so sorry Melissa.

The "charges" are completely ridiculous. For one, you cannot "require" someone hug someone else. What about your bodily autonomy? Not to mention the implication of having physical contact with a child who may have been trying to gain sexual pleasure in watching you. Hugging him would have been completely inappropriate.

 

The mental health organization I volunteer with does not allow most people to touch kids affectionately, because they associate touch differently - because people have inappropriately or violently touched them in the past.  I assume that foster parents are allowed to hug if they feel it is therapeutic to the child, but I can't imagine being required to hug.  That's just crazy and they know it.  I believe they are just being vindictive.

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I have no words. Standing in support of you and your kindness and your great big heart.  So sorry.

Edited by perkybunch

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I’m having trouble understanding why anyone would think you are at fault in this situation. Is this child still in your home?

 

I wish there was something we could do on your behalf.

The child is no longer in the home.  

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Just adding my support here.  I have a volunteer job that is associated with the foster care system.  It is heartbreaking.  I am so sorry for what is happening to you, and even more sorry that parents who could really help kids are driven away by the system.

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Rosie expressed my thoughts perfectly:

 

Sick buggers.  :cursing:  :cursing:  :cursing:  :cursing:  :cursing:  :cursing:  :cursing:  :cursing:  :cursing:

 

 

I am so very, very sorry, Melissa.  :grouphug:

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How heartbreaking.

 

My prayer for your family is that you are able to move forward with healing.  Who knows what that means...but that this can be put behind you, causing no harm, and that your family can have the time/space to recover from it all.

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I have finally got the results from our appeal.

 

decision upheld. Caused substantiated emotional abuse of a child in my care

 

 

:crying:  :crying:  :crying:

 

 

 

 

Never ever foster. It destroys your own children. It destroys relationships. It destroys your mind

((((((((hugs))))))))

it is all so very wrong

 

 

And to your last line.. I wholeheartedly agree!!!

Edited by Tap
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the main substantiated abuse:

 

Because I couldn't hug him after he was spying on me while I was having a shower,  I supposedly made him feel rejected, therefore I caused him long term emotional abuse that he is still having troubles with.

 

I'm stunned. Who is going to hold them responsible for the emotional damage they are doing ripping a child away from a loving family? :( I assume that's where this is headed? Unbelievable.

 

ETA: Read that the child is already removed. My God, I'm so sorry. :( You don't deserve this. You know that you don't. :(

Edited by Mimm

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I am so sorry, Melissa.  What a horrible outcome.  Total injustice.

 

I am so sorry Melissa.

The "charges" are completely ridiculous. For one, you cannot "require" someone hug someone else. What about your bodily autonomy? Not to mention the implication of having physical contact with a child who may have been trying to gain sexual pleasure in watching you. Hugging him would have been completely inappropriate.

 

I agree completely, Wishes.

 

 

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I am so sorry Melissa.

The "charges" are completely ridiculous. For one, you cannot "require" someone hug someone else. What about your bodily autonomy? Not to mention the implication of having physical contact with a child who may have been trying to gain sexual pleasure in watching you. Hugging him would have been completely inappropriate.

I believe this is grounds for a counter-suit sort of action on your part. At the very least, you should take legal means to seek the judgement be nullified with no effect on your own biological family and future employment.

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They are not taking us to court. Taking us to court would allow us to have representation and be able to defend ourselves.

Any way for you to demand a hearing?

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And talk about letting the perfect be the enemy of the good.

 

No parent is going to be able to be perfectly demonstrative and loving and have no boundaries of their own; people like that don't exist, and if they do I'm afraid of them. The idea that not being perfectly nurturing in every aspect is equivalent to being unkind (not to mention equivalent to abuse!) is insanity. If that is the standard, they'll have neither foster parents nor real parents left that they find suitable to care for children.

At the very least you might could go public with your story, in a 60 Minutes sort of way.

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I'm stunned. Who is going to hold them responsible for the emotional damage they are doing ripping a child away from a loving family? :( I assume that's where this is headed? Unbelievable.

 

ETA: Read that the child is already removed. My God, I'm so sorry. :( You don't deserve this. You know that you don't. :(

If I have been following Melissa's story correctly, the third child should have probably actually never been placed in her home care, as it was counterproductive to the siblings' healing. But iirc there was a lot of pressure to do so and M eventually said yes (please correct me if I am mistaken!). So, I think we're talking about a questionable placement to begin with. Edited by Seasider
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Also Melissa, I do know a couple of people in politics in Victoria. I could ask around for who to speak to/most effective way to get heard.

 

I'm so sorry and outraged.

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If I have been following Melissa's story correctly, the third child should have probably actually never been placed in her home care, as it was counterproductive to the siblings' healing. But iirc there was a lot of pressure to do so and M eventually said yes (please correct me if I am mistaken!). So, I think we're talking about a questionable placement to begin with.

Correct

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Also Melissa, I do know a couple of people in politics in Victoria. I could ask around for who to speak to/most effective way to get heard.

 

I'm so sorry and outraged.

That would be helpful
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I am so sorry. :( And enraged on your behalf! How dare they?

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I know you're beyond exhausted, but I hope you can find enough rage within yourself to come out swinging and make this right, because right now it is so, so wrong.

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the main substantiated abuse:

 

Because I couldn't hug him after he was spying on me while I was having a shower, I supposedly made him feel rejected, therefore I caused him long term emotional abuse that he is still having troubles with.

Are you f'in kidding me? He violated your privacy in a huge way, so you set up appropriate boundaries, and that is emotional abuse. What? Are you supposed to be robots?

 

If that is emotional abuse, my parents should have been in jail. K's assertion of my "emotional abuse causing PTSD" (because I yelled a couple of times in the span of 20 years) would have me lose my kids. I'm fuming for you.

 

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

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At the very least you might could go public with your story, in a 60 Minutes sort of way.

I think that would be difficult due to confidentiality issues around minors although I really think if there's a way this needs to be what happens eventually. There is clearly something wrong because foster organisations can't get enough carers and kids are sleeping in motels and too many people that want to help have been burnt.

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I think that would be difficult due to confidentiality issues around minors although I really think if there's a way this needs to be what happens eventually. There is clearly something wrong because foster organisations can't get enough carers and kids are sleeping in motels and too many people that want to help have been burnt.

Yes, privacy is an issue for sure, but with some workarounds the story could and should be told. This should never have happened to Melissa, and shouldn't happen to anyone else, either.

 

Also, I'm guessing an investigative reporter could turn up additional stories of coerced placements gone awry and the lack of support the system gives foster families when mismatches become evident.

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