Growing up poor

[HomeAgain]

 

SPAM or the cheapest can of luncheon meat? I know schoolmates who didn’t have money for sliced ham and the cans of luncheon meat were from a food pantry. My husband has never had sliced ham growing up because whatever meat that his mom could afford to buy would be for his dad and so he and his siblings had whatever canned meat that was on sale.

 

Being able to buy canned food after looking at the ingredients list was something that my husband didn’t have the luxury of growing up. It was such an alien concept to him because buying canned food was based on which was the cheapest for his mom. To be able to afford a more expensive option with no food coloring for example was just unthinkable.

 

My mom would splurge on a package of Carl Buddig lunch meat.  For those not in the know, it is super thin sliced lunch meat costing less than $.50 when I was a kid. That single 2oz package lasted a week for school lunches, for 4 of us.  One slice of meat, one slice of government-generic cheese, two slices of bread.  The first time my husband opened a package and used half of it on one sandwich I nearly hyperventilated.

[scoutingmom]

 

 

-We went to a restaurant once a year when relatives visited. It was called The Royal Fork (now gone, of course) and was near downtown Colo. Springs. It was a buffet and I remember always being in awe of the amount and variety of foods. I would stuff myself until I couldn't walk. It was better than Christmas.

 

We still have a Royal Fork in my city!

 

But it costs us more every time because the kids are priced acording to age and our kids are spaced 3 months apart in the year.... it gets frustrating and now that a couple are "adult" priced it isn't really in our budget anymore....

[Garga]

Oh hell I don't even wear bras. LOL When I did I bought the $4.99 bras at Walmart. I wear my underwear until they are shredded.

 

I get the $5 Walmart ones because I just can’t bring myself to pay more. I’m at a point where I can afford to replace them every 4 or 5 months like you’re supposed to do with bras. I’m pleased with that and I just can’t bring myself to pay more than $5 or maybe $10 on something I’ll be replacing every 4 months for years on end. Edited January 18, 2018 by Garga

[scoutingmom]

The hamburger/hot dog bun discussion is funny to me. We did the white bread thing too, but had buns for special occasions (4th of July and such). For burgers, if you toast the bread with obscene amounts of butter, add white cheese and mix together ketchup and cheap thousand island dressing (anything better than Kraft makes it taste odd), you have a Steak n Shake Frisco Melt!

 

Growing up, the gas station near us had customer appreciation weekends twice a year. They brought in a truck that sold hot dogs and chips for a quarter, and you could buy a can of cheap Vess soda for another quarter. $0.50/person for a whole meal! We ate lunch and dinner at the gas station all weekend and looked forward to it all year!

 

Needless to say, I have a hard time fitting in with our secular homeschool community, because someone will inevitably make some hipster remark about hot dogs being beneath them, nutritionally and otherwise, and I kinda want to punch them in the nose.

Ikea.... the ikea nearby sells hot dogs for, I think it is 1.50 for 2.... we have been known to stop there for a lunch while out and about...

[Granny_Weatherwax]

My mom would splurge on a package of Carl Buddig lunch meat.  For those not in the know, it is super thin sliced lunch meat costing less than $.50 when I was a kid. That single 2oz package lasted a week for school lunches, for 4 of us.  One slice of meat, one slice of government-generic cheese, two slices of bread.  The first time my husband opened a package and used half of it on one sandwich I nearly hyperventilated.

Me too. 

 

I haven't had Carl Buddig lunch meat in years. Eating those meats is how I grew to love mustard. Probably because there was more mustard than meat. 

[scoutingmom]

 

 

I went as a trash can one year. Wore a black trashbag with a hole cut out for my head and my mom attached "trash" to it--it was boxes of food that she transferred to other containers (like an empty box of elbow mac or something), so the things attached to me weren't dirty. But it was cheap!

 

 

We did a bag of gumballz (or jelly beans?) Clear plastic bag and balloons inside....

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I've been thinking about this thread all day and was reminded of a time when our water was shut off and we had to go to the neighbor to fill up buckets to pour in the back of the toilet so it could flush. We weren't allowed to flush unless we had gone #2 so the bowl might have had multiple people urinating in it before we were allowed to pour the water in the tank.

 

I only remember doing this for a very short while so the water must not have been off long.

 

--

The other thing I remember all too well is getting our groceries from food banks or churches. It seems like we always got the worst box in the lot because inevitably it had stuff in it that no one would want to eat or things that would require some creative cooking in order to use it in a meal. I remember going through a box of canned goods and some of them were expired by many years. Even though we went home with three or four boxes of food, by the time we went through it all we actually had maybe a box and a half of food that we could actually use. 

 

We weren't allowed to waste any food. If I didn't finish my bowl of cereal before leaving for school my mom would put in the refridgerator and I would have to eat it before I was allowed to eat anything else. If you have never eaten cold cereal that has been floating in milk for several hours, count yourself lucky.

 

 

[KungFuPanda]

I don’t think I realized how poor we were because the people who lived around us were also poor so there was no stigma and my parents knew how to do so many things. Dad was a carpenter and could fix cars and do basic plumbing and electric. Mom gardened, canned, and sewed. We lived in the woods so dad could hunt and firewood was free. We were cash poor, but we never went without food, heat, or clean clothing that fit. If I needed a costume or dress, mom could come up with something; usually with materials we had on hand. My grandparents were even more skilled at living off the land than my parents were.

 

ETA: Mom also made homemade bread (bun shaped too), cooked from scratch, and dried clothes outside on nice days. Some of the things on this thread are things I didn’t even KNOW were poor people tricks until other people point them out.

Edited January 18, 2018 by KungFuPanda

[scoutingmom]

I still panic if I see the utility van. If the power goes out I still think “did we pay it? Was there a shut off notice?!†I do this with all utilities.

Oh yes! If the power goes off.... the quick run to the window to see... a) all the lights etc are off at the neighbours' houses... (yeay, just a power outage), or b) the utility van driving away.... (oh shoot), or c) neither.... (probably still oh shoot)...

[DawnM]

Ah but see, for those of us who grew up truly poor, as in the bolded, those other "poor people things" just made it so much more obvious that we were in fact, poor. Using bread as buns or wearing hand me down clothes wasn't done just as a way of being frugal. They were  more than just nbd. They were THE ONLY OPTION. When you get dressed for school under the covers because you can't afford to run the heat, when you eat canned creamed corn over white bread* for dinner because it's filling, when you hide from creditors at the door and on the phone, those poor people things that some frugal people do proudly, become confirmation of how poor you are. And then they ARE a big deal.

 

As another poster said earlier in the thread, this is for those of us who actually grew up poor - a thread for us to commiserate. 

 

*Me - What's for dinner?

Mom - Corn on bread (yep, we had it often enough that a simple name explained it)

My kid brother - Yay! (he actually liked it)

 

ETA: I had a conversation with a fellow homeschooler once in which we talked about growing up poor. She said she knew what it was like to be poor because her mother worked two jobs so she and her sister could take dance lessons. Um, what? That's not poor. Poor is don't even ask about lessons or clubs or anything else that involves dues, uniforms, or any other cost. When you're actually poor, the extra job is for food and shelter, not lessons. 

 

Ok, by this definition I definitely did not grow up poor, but my mom did.  Her father died when she was about 15.   Her mother never worked and didn't even finish  high school.  There were 6 kids.  My mom was the oldest.  A group home almost came in and took all 6 kids, but instead, they worked out some social security type help for my grandma to keep the kids together.

 

But my mom tells stories about:

 

1. wearing shoes too small for her and she has feet issues to prove it.

2. Not having proper toothbrushes.  She has had major mouth/teeth issues all of her life because of it.

3. She ate beans and cornbread daily and that was her main meal of the day other than the watermelon during the summer that they had to go pick themselves if there was any.

4. She had to take care of her younger siblings often

5. She ended up leaving home to go live with her aunt at 16 to help relieve the financial burden on her mom

 

There is more, but she rarely talks about it, so I get snippets. 

[Wheres Toto]

On the ugg boots. I bought my daughter a pair to start college in last year. She says they’re super comfy, keep her feet warm and dry and after a year and a half of use (including trip to alaska where long daily hikes occurred) they still look like New and she says they’re just as comfy. I felt they were definitely worth the $150 price tag.

 

 

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I've had my one pair of Uggs for about 10 years and they are just breaking down now.  I wore them pretty much daily from October through March.

[Wheres Toto]

I get the $5 Walmart ones because I just can’t bring myself to pay more. I’m at a point where I can afford to replace them every 4 or 5 months like you’re supposed to do with bras. I’m pleased with that and I just can’t bring myself to pay more than $5 or maybe $10 on something I’ll be replacing every 4 months for years on end.

 

Are you really supposed to replace bras every 4 or 5 months?   I might get a new one every 5 or 10 years, but continue wearing the old ones in a pinch.

[scoutingmom]

I remember being in Brownies..... every kid in our school old enough was in Brownie or Cubs (or Guides or Scouts). Broewnies and Cubs met right after school in the school gym (the night varied) so you wore your uniform to school.

 

I know I had an old uniform (the current style then was a dress, mine was a skirt and blouse). Fortunately it was close enough it wasn't an issue. My Dad asked if I would be ok without the book as it was just a story (he had the one with the badge requirements). Having read it as an adult, that book might have made a HUGE difference to me....

 

But the thing I remember (that relates to this thread) is that you were supposed to wear brown socks or tights to match the uniform.... and I didn't have any. Oh, the weeks of losing inspection points because of my white socks! I didn't dare ask my parents for some.... I knew they scrounged for my dues. And I didn't tell the leaders why I kept forgetting brown socks. I think one of the leaders must have figured it out and called, because one day (payday I bet) some were bought by one of my parents... (or maybe someone gave some to my parents...)

 

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[Zinnia]

Are you really supposed to replace bras every 4 or 5 months? I might get a new one every 5 or 10 years, but continue wearing the old ones in a pinch.

This is one of those things that varies a lot. I had a conversation with friends a couple of years ago that started, "when the wire snaps..." Turns out every woman over a size D has this experience frequently, and other women have never had that happen. If I am only wearing one bra at a time, I am lucky to get 6 months out of it. Expensive or cheap.

[Garga]

Are you really supposed to replace bras every 4 or 5 months?   I might get a new one every 5 or 10 years, but continue wearing the old ones in a pinch.

.

 

Hang on. I looked it up and I was wrong. Not every 4-5 months. It’s every 6 months! http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3684534/Experts-reveal-replace-everyday-items.html

 

And I’m tickled that I have the money to do it now. Though it’s just the $5.

[Arcadia]

I know I had an old uniform (the current style then was a dress, mine was a skirt and blouse).

...

But the thing I remember (that relates to this thread) is that you were supposed to wear brown socks or tights to match the uniform.... and I didn't have any.

:grouphug:

 

My primary school has a brownie troop but I didn’t join. The school advisory committee (PTA equivalent) funded uniforms for every uniform group the school had and there was a uniform closet too so people would donate when they outgrow. We didn’t have the brown socks rule in my school, the brownies wore the usual white socks.

 

My secondary school has three Girl Guides coys (company) and I did join. We paid for our uniforms but there were donated uniforms too and parents also donated some money so that kids who could not afford to buy the belt, whistle, trefoil badge, paracord would have the Girl Guide teachers paying out of the funds for them. There were 144 Girl Guides in that school, 48 Guides per coy. My school paid for all the Girl Guides to attend the St John Ambulance first aid course for a week during school holidays to earn our first aid badge.

[hjffkj]

.

 

Hang on. I looked it up and I was wrong. Not every 4-5 months. It’s every 6 months! http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3684534/Experts-reveal-replace-everyday-items.html

 

And I’m tickled that I have the money to do it now. Though it’s just the $5.

That is crazy. A few weeks after my oldest was born my mom asked me if I needed anything. I told her I needed to be refitted and needed nursing bras because my breasts grew maybe 3 sizes once my milk came in. I've always had big breasts and their size intimidated me.

 

She took me to a specialty place to get fitted and get bras. She bought me 2, each cost $80!!!!!! Oh the things you do for your kids and not yourself,she buys $10 bras for herself. I wore those suckers until my 5th child was 6 months old. My oldest is 9 years old. They were the best fitting and supportive bras ever so totally worth the money. But if I had to do what every 6 months I think I'd go braless.

[KungFuPanda]

.

 

Hang on. I looked it up and I was wrong. Not every 4-5 months. It’s every 6 months! http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3684534/Experts-reveal-replace-everyday-items.html

 

And I’m tickled that I have the money to do it now. Though it’s just the $5.

This must only be a guideline for people who actually have breasts where gravity is a thing that exists with them. I spend 90% of my bra-wearing life in soft-cup wire-free Target bras and it's fine. I don't even need a bra to be comfortable, so any bra is a bonus. They last for YEARS because I demand so little of them.

[SKL]

Tell me you ate hamburgers and hot dogs with sliced white bread. We can’t have been the only ones.

 

Still do.  It doesn't usually make sense for us to buy hot dog buns because we aren't sure we'll use them up before they start to mold.

 

[SKL]

Are you really supposed to replace bras every 4 or 5 months?   I might get a new one every 5 or 10 years, but continue wearing the old ones in a pinch.

 

LOL am I the only one who (a) has never been fitted for a bra and (b) has not bought a bra for myself in at least 20 years?

[SKL]

Does anyone else have like 10 different partial sets of [everyday] dishes that date back up to 40 years?  Some received secondhand for free, some received free through some sort of store promotion, and some bought on sale?

[iamonlyone]

Wow. I can relate to so many of these things too. (Please don't ask me about my bras—what shape they are in and how long I have owned them. But, I do know that I still wear two sports bras I used when nursing my oldest, and she just turned 23. Most of my "new" bras, I purchased for my girls when they were teens and I got them handed back to me when they didn't fit the girls anymore, for various reasons.)

 

But, moving on from embarrassing revelations, do you all like gift cards or gifts of money (like for your birthday)? Those are very stress-inducing gifts for me because it is so hard for me to buy things for myself. I usually bought things for my kids when they were younger with gift cards (or the cards just lived in my sock drawer for years), and gift checks to me always end up in the checking account and are used for household expenses. No one else in my family has this problem; they actually buy a gift(s) with their checks. I keep thinking I should cash my check and give the money to my daughter and ask her to buy things for me. It's so silly.

 

ETA: And, yes, I have partial sets of dishes.

Edited January 18, 2018 by iamonlyone

[SKL]

Oh yeah, gift cards.  I had some gift cards to a massage place for like 5 years before I finally used them.   Another time, a friend gave me a Target gift card and said it was for me to buy something "fashion forward" for myself.  I had that forever because I wanted to honor the giver's intention, but I didn't want anything "fashion forward" for myself.  Finally I just used it to buy kid gifts or some necessity.

[scoutingmom]

I love getting gift cards... but I mostly use them for homeschooling purchases.... and a safety net. They do produce a lot of anxiety, but they are also my safety as my dh doesn't generally ask to use them.

 

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[Lizzie in Ma]

Did anyone else NEVER buy Kleenex? We just put rolls of TP on the kitchen counter when we had a cold.

 

We still do that.  On rare occasions and usually only by the time our noses are raw and red will we splurge on a box of Puffs Plus.

[Wheres Toto]

This must only be a guideline for people who actually have breasts where gravity is a thing that exists with them. I spend 90% of my bra-wearing life in soft-cup wire-free Target bras and it's fine. I don't even need a bra to be comfortable, so any bra is a bonus. They last for YEARS because I demand so little of them.

 

This is a good point and one I didn't think about for some reason.  I wear a B cup.  and only wear them when absolutely necessary.  I suppose that makes a pretty big difference.

 

Although oldest DD is a D and my mother is something like an H.  I don't think they buy bras very often either.

[Wheres Toto]

LOL am I the only one who (a) has never been fitted for a bra and (b) has not bought a bra for myself in at least 20 years?

 

I had to buy new bras when I went back to work.  All I had were the ones I wore while nursing my kids and a few sports bras.  

 

I've never been professional fitted.   Doesn't seem necessary with the soft barely shaped cups on my bras.

[iamonlyone]

I love getting gift cards... but I mostly use them for homeschooling purchases.... and a safety net. They do produce a lot of anxiety, but they are also my safety as my dh doesn't generally ask to use them.

 

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That, I could handle without feeling stressed (i.e., a card that can be used to buy anything). The ones I have received have been specific, like Lands End or a coffee shop.

 

BTW, I do think these things are thoughtful gifts. I just feel anxious using them because the buying-things-for-myself thing many of us seem to have going on.

[Kassia]

Does anyone else have like 10 different partial sets of [everyday] dishes that date back up to 40 years?  Some received secondhand for free, some received free through some sort of store promotion, and some bought on sale?

 

We've been married for almost 31 years and have never bought dishes.  We have some dishes my mom handed down and some dishes DH's grandmother handed down.  All ugly and only 1/2 can go in the microwave (barely), but I can't justify buying new when these work fine.  

[Teacher Mom]

I remember going to a friend's house for dinner in high school. I tried like heck to get out of it but it was getting awkward so I went. I remember looking around thinking that they had chairs for everyone to sit in. In my family, kids sat on the floor to eat. I started sweating when I saw that there was a spoon AND a fork AND a knife at each matched plate. I knew then that I wanted that --- to have all that matched silverware and plates for each person. I wanted it so badly and I felt horrible when I went home.

 

About the bra thing -- I am too blessed in that department. Years of wearing cheap, ill-fitting bras have left me with fallen "splendor". I knew I had made it when I could buy underwire bras that didn't make me look like a 92 year old woman. Yep, I was at Montgomery Ward, and I bought a matching set of undies but I felt guilty whenever I wore them because they hadn't come in a pack. No way I would I ever change out a bra every six months.

[maize]

I think the ultimate "we've arrived" luxury to me would be getting my hair cut at a nice salon. My mom took me to a supercuts place once when I was nine, otherwise my hair was always cut at home. These days I cut my own hair.

 

Some day I am going to treat myself to an expensive hair cut.

 

Maybe.

[BarbecueMom]

I think the ultimate "we've arrived" luxury to me would be getting my hair cut at a nice salon. My mom took me to a supercuts place once when I was nine, otherwise my hair was always cut at home. These days I cut my own hair.

 

Some day I am going to treat myself to an expensive hair cut.

 

Maybe.

Expensive, non-chain salon haircut is one of those things I just cannot bring myself to do. I chicken out every single time. I get a cut and highlights once a year, and it still bothers me the whole way home. Mani/pedi isn't even an option, lol.

 

I am the opposite about mix-and-match plates. It freaks me out now to not have matching plates and bowls and utensils. A random fork and spoon showed up in my drawer, and of course it's now one of the kids' favorites and they can't part with it. But it makes me irrationally frustrated every time I put it in the drawer. Someday it will take everything in my power to not pull the "but I saved the oval spoon for you!" card when they are upset with me.

[Acorn]

oh, the vehicle stories I could share...

 

Little known fact, the truck I learned to drive in, is also where I learned to hot wire a vehicle because the ignition broke and there was no reason to fix it due to trusty screwdriver

[DawnM]

Are you really supposed to replace bras every 4 or 5 months?   I might get a new one every 5 or 10 years, but continue wearing the old ones in a pinch.

 

I DO NOT replace them that often.  I pretty much just replace as needed (i.e.: hooks are broken or poking me, rips/tears, etc....

 

 

Otherwise, NOPE!

 

I saw a really cute meme yesterday.  It said, "Have you ever noticed on those crime shows how the killer only goes after those women who have matching undergarments?  I'm safe!"

 

HAHAHAHA

[G5052]

Yes, poor is relative.

 

I was somewhat poor in college because I was self-supporting and had to cobble together jobs to keep my bills paid. I lived in the dorms because they were very cheap, but I made my own meals. There were multiple times I had to take out small emergency loans from the college and ask for a week's grace on my payment plan for tuition and room.

 

After that there were ups-and-downs of course. I'm thankful that I honed my cost-cutting skills during those years.

 

Now we're sort of back to my college days. I'm a single parent of two college kids in a paid-for house in a nice neighborhood. Typical situation where the standard of living for the woman and kids drops while the husband's remains the same. We would qualify for subsidized housing if we were renting. I have some retirement savings, but hope to retire myself in 10 years and don't want to tap that. It's been tough at times. My income is variable, and we have to budget carefully. I was thankful that I was able to give my son clothes and my daughter makeup for Christmas in 2017. Far different than previous years when they got electronics and generous gift cards. We'll figure it out.Things like having to pay a deposit to put the electric bill in my name and the cost of a recent medical test my daughter had to have are more stressful when you have limited income, but both were willing to put me on a payment plan. Hopefully it will all work out.