TwoEdgedSword Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) Ty Edited January 12, 2018 by TwoEdgedSword Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmos Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Please don't discuss it with her. 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 You don't. I mean that. You don't need to discuss it with her. She is well aware of her weight gain. She is an adult. If she wants advice she will ask. For some reason, young women (or men I imagine) do not take it well when their moms point out weight issues. I've watched this with my mom and sister for years. My sister still mentions how my mom thinks she can't control her eating (my sister is almost 40). My mom always thinks she's being helpful, but she really is not. I have 2 adult daughters, both with weight issues. I mentioned 1 thing once to each of them, and It didn't go well at all. With the oldest, she was complaining about her recent weight gain as she was going for a 2nd piece of chocolate cake. I half joked that if she was so worried then maybe 1 piece of cake was enough (she was 18). It went badly. Weight is a senstitive issue for women, and having your mom "on your case" (even if said just once, with love) is not helpful. And to add, the freshmen 15 is real. It's not just because of the food, though that's an issue, but bodies start to change at that age and men and women both start to put on weight. It's normal and ok. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hjffkj Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I agree, don't mention it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solascriptura Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Believe me. She is well aware of her weight gain. The most you can do is love her and provide healthy food for her when she’s home. If you’ve modeled good eating habits during her childhood, she’ll know how to get back to where she wants to be. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Do not mention it. She knows. She will bring it up when she wants to discuss it with you. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I guess I would go with everyone on this. Anyhow I think it is really really common to gain weight in your first year. When I was in college it was called the Freshman 15. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Anyhow I think it is really really common to gain weight in your first year. When I was in college it was called the Freshman 15. What I've noticed around here is that it's not the Freshman 15 anymore, it's more like the Freshman 50+. There are quite a few kids I know who were normal weight in high school and then quickly gained a very large amount of weight when they went away to college, to the point of obesity. It's made me wonder why that is happening - is it a more sedentary lifestyle, or more access to fattening foods? Back when I was in school, we just had the crummy cafeteria food, but now the colleges we've visited have Starbucks and Jamba Juice and an array of fast food options right there on campus. Anyway, just musing on that...none of my kids have gone away to college yet and I don't have any good advice, other than to agree with the previous posters. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 What I've noticed around here is that it's not the Freshman 15 anymore, it's more like the Freshman 50+. There are quite a few kids I know who were normal weight in high school and then quickly gained a very large amount of weight when they went away to college, to the point of obesity. It's made me wonder why that is happening - is it a more sedentary lifestyle, or more access to fattening foods? Back when I was in school, we just had the crummy cafeteria food, but now the colleges we've visited have Starbucks and Jamba Juice and an array of fast food options right there on campus. Anyway, just musing on that...none of my kids have gone away to college yet and I don't have any good advice, other than to agree with the previous posters. Hmm I didn't know that it had changed. I would bet it has a lot to do with screens. I went to college a long time ago. Nobody had cell phones back then. Starbucks and Jamba Juice? Wow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) You don't say a word. Your daughter is an adult and her weight and her health are her own private business. If your daughter's weight gain bothers you, that is your problem, please don't make it hers. Added to clarify: When another adult's habits, behavior or appearance affect me to the point where I want to interfere with them, I have a boundary issue. That is my problem to address and I shouldn't try to make my discomfort the responsibility of the other person by "addressing" the perceived problem. This assumes that the habit, behavior, appearance doesn't affect other people in a detrimental way (and no, increasing general healthcare costs is not a reason to be interfering and to attempt to control people). Edited January 10, 2018 by TechWife 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Surely she notices if her clothes are getting tight and she has to get a different size. And she most likely has access to a scale even if it is just on breaks. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) All of my girls put on weight in college that first year -- probably 15 pounds. They came from a home where we were pretty careful about what we ate. Then suddenly being on your own, being able to eat anything and as much as you wanted and generally having cafeteria food, it's very likely to happen. For some it lasted a couple years, but every one of them lost it all again eventually, once they returned to their own eating style, and especially when they were cooking themselves. I know that's not easy. But weight is such a delicate thing. One dd probably put on 40 pounds over a period of years. It was hard to not say anything, but I had made a vow to myself that I would never do that to my girls unless I thought there was an underlying issue. But even then, I'd most likely just address the underlying issues. Now, I knew that this dd did, in fact, have another issue going on. She had chronic migraines, nearly every day, and they could be very debilitating. I knew her weight gain was related to trying to deal with all of that. So, I put all my effort into tackling her chronic migraines. I'd try and help in other areas of her life too. I paid for her haircuts, got her cute clothes from time to time that fit her well -- so she could still feel good about her looks. Invited her to yoga classes with me, and we often cooked together (because she enjoyed it). But, we never discussed her weight or made it an issue. I think only once did she bring up her weight with me, in passing. She wasn't asking for advice, just commenting on it. I just hugged her and told her she was so beautiful. After about five years, she is now back down to her regular size again and healthy cooking is one of her favorite things to do. She is actually one of the most joyful people I know. Unfortunately, she still has her daily migraines and we are continuing to do everything we can to get to the bottom of them. (P.S. if she had ever directly asked me to help her lose weight, I certainly would have tried to help.) Edited January 10, 2018 by J-rap 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Don’t say anything. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
retiredHSmom Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 All of my girls put on weight in college that first year -- probably 15 pounds. They came from a home where we were pretty careful about what we ate. Then suddenly being on your own, being able to eat anything and as much as you wanted and generally having cafeteria food, it's very likely to happen. For some it lasted a couple years, but every one of them lost it all again eventually, once they returned to their own eating style, and especially when they were cooking themselves. I know that's not easy. But weight is such a delicate thing. One dd probably put on 40 pounds over a period of years. It was hard to not say anything, but I had made a vow to myself that I would never do that to my girls unless I thought there was an underlying issue. But even then, I'd most likely just address the underlying issues. Now, I knew that this dd did, in fact, have another issue going on. She had chronic migraines, nearly every day, and they could be very debilitating. I knew her weight gain was related to trying to deal with all of that. So, I put all my effort into tackling her chronic migraines. I'd try and help in other areas of her life too. I paid for her haircuts, got her cute clothes from time to time that fit her well -- so she could still feel good about her looks. Invited her to yoga classes me, and we often cooked together (because she enjoyed it). But, we never discussed her weight or made it an issue. I think only once did she bring up her weight with me, in passing. She wasn't asking for advice, just commenting on it. I just hugged her and told her she was so beautiful. After about five years, she is now back down to her regular size again and healthy cooking is one of her favorite things to do. She is actually one of the most joyful people I know. Unfortunately, she still has her daily migraines and we are continuing to do everything we can to get to the bottom of them. (P.S. if she had ever directly asked me to help her lose weight, I certainly would have tried to help.) This is how it is done. Love, unconditional love. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) She's an adult and she knows. You can discuss it if she asks for advice. I'd just keep lines of communication as WIDE open as possible in case she might be depressed or anxious and may be eating as a coping device. I actually lost weight when I went to college and I had people openly ask me if I was anorexic. :huh: I was well within normal weight for my height. I found a balance with busyness and eating and exercise a little further into my college career and I never discussed with my parents. Edited January 10, 2018 by WoolySocks 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 My dd gained weight at college too her first year. I didn't say anything and she didn't say anything. She was put on a new medication in the summer and gained weight from that. She was taken off but I think she has continued to gain weight while at school. She's the heaviest she's ever been. She's upset about it and I tried to tell her she could try to lose some without dieting and just making better choices, like quitting that large pizza and fries on Friday night then eating the leftovers the rest of the weekend but she doesn't want to change her eating habits so I dropped it. When she was home for Christmas break, I took her shopping and she mentioned the weight again but I told her she didn't look bad. What I didn't say was she definitely looks overweight. She knows that. It doesn't help to hear it from me. So I bought her some bigger clothing and she left her smaller clothing here. I hope she doesn't gain anymore, but only she can make the changes when she wants to make them. She knows what she needs to do and may make some changes when she feels ready. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Don't mention the weight. You might make sure she has funds and opportunity to shop for new clothes. I've seen kids try to get by with too small clothes. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 She knows. You needn't mention it. Would you comment to another adult? Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) This adversity to “fat shaming†by moms needs to stop. If your daughter is doing something unhealthy, you need to call her out on it, irrespective of what it is. That is what mothers are for. Motherhood, teaching, assisting, explaining, and paying the bills does not stop when a child enters college. Heck, it never stops in my family. Look at it no differently than what you would do if you found out DD was driving her car too fast, smoking, making low grades, not treating toe nail fungus, whatever. Fill in the blank. Edited January 10, 2018 by Minniewannabe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I was very thin in college but gained some weight one semester. When I came home on Spring Break , my mom told me I looked pregnant. Yeah. Still stings. If you address it at all, let her bring it up first. And examine your own thoughts, feelings, experiences and childhood tapes that formed tbe way you think of weight. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I wouldn’t say anything unless she brings it up. If she brings it up listen, ask how she would like you to help, don’t offer advise or solutions until asked. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I would agree with the comment above to make sure she has clothing that fits and is comfortable. So many girls (and guys) I knew who gained the freshman 15 were still wearing their high school senior clothes and they appeared to be terribly uncomfortable, which really just adds insult to injury. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 This adversity to “fat shaming†by moms needs to stop. If your daughter is doing something unhealthy, you need to call her out on it, irrespective of what it is. That is what mothers are for. Motherhood, teaching, assisting, explaining, and paying the bills does not stop when a child enters college. Heck, it never stops in my family. Look at it no differently than what you would do if you found out DD was driving her car too fast, smoking, making low grades, not treating toe nail fungus, whatever. Fill in the blank. Fat is a symptom. Eating bad food is unhealthy. Not exercising is unhealthy. Stress is unhealthy. Lack of sleep is unhealthy. Fat is the product of that. You don't address the result, you address the habits if you do so at all, and YOU DON'T COMMENT ON AN ADULT'S HEALTH. Calling someone out for being fat is extremely rude. (notice the verb- being. Not "doing", which is an action). It is one way to tear apart a relationship because you are rejecting a person as a whole. Yes, there needs to be an adversity to fat shaming by moms. Moms can be concerned about what their children are doing, but they have to know that a good parent knows when to back the heck off and understand that their own kid has reached adulthood. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I wouldn't say a thing about the weight until she did. Not because I'd like to see her doing it, but because commenting on it is very unlikely to alter her behavior, but far more likely to make her feel upset/angry and less likely for her to actually ask me for help. But I do wonder if it's the symptom of another problem. I'd be trying to set up situations where we could be alone so that she'd feel free to talk about what was on her mind. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I would approach this differently. Depending on what my relationship was like with DD, I would say something. OP said she knows her DD isn't happy with her weight gain, but doesn't seem to be doing anything about it. Maybe she's stuck or feels out of control. Assuming she's said something to OP, I would step in and ask her why she thinks she's put on weight. Too busy to make better choices? Stress eating? Too much late night pizza? Then I would proceed to help her come up with a plan to maintain a healthier weight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RootAnn Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 If my DH was out of town (think: deployed) for several months and soon after coming home noted that I looked like I'd gained weight while he was gone and did he need to pick up more veggies from the store or pick up more of the cooking, I'd certainly not be too happy with him. Same goes for your DD after being away. Accept her, love her, do the best you can to model good habits like I'm sure you always have. But, don't say anything about what you've noticed. My mom was the pot calling the kettle black. :cursing: (And, looking back to when she used to call me FAT, I was really in good shape - just bigger than my older sister has always been. Her constant harping always bothered me.) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 This adversity to “fat shaming†by moms needs to stop. If your daughter is doing something unhealthy, you need to call her out on it, irrespective of what it is. That is what mothers are for. Motherhood, teaching, assisting, explaining, and paying the bills does not stop when a child enters college. Heck, it never stops in my family. Look at it no differently than what you would do if you found out DD was driving her car too fast, smoking, making low grades, not treating toe nail fungus, whatever. Fill in the blank. Is the goal to bully the child into picking a healthier path? 'Cause that is what it sounds like you are advocating and that tends to backfire significantly with most young people. Maybe your children are different and if so and this works, that's great but this would have backfired for me and my sibling, for DH and all of his siblings and certainly for my adult niece and nephews. She is not a child in the home anymore either. And frankly shaming anyone in the hopes that it helps them 'see the light' and change their current course is not only usually pretty ineffective, it can exacerbate the underlying issues, push the person further down an unhealthy path and damage the relationship with the parent. FWIW, I gained a significant amount of weight recently. My mother and I are close. I adore her. We are best friends and always have been. She is an awesome human being and only has my best interests at heart. Her helpful suggestions and worries about my weight DID NOT HELP ME. They made me feel worse, stressed me out even further regarding health issues in our family, caused me more anxiety. What did help was my being blunt with her and asking her not to bring it up again unless I asked for her help or needing a sounding board and her actually following that request. She backed off completely, stopped bringing it up AT ALL. When I was ready, I opened up a dialogue, we brainstormed ideas together, hired a personal trainer to help both of us and are both on a healthy eating and exercise path. Especially because she is my parent and NOT a peer I needed to be able to figure this out on my own and then seek her help when I was ready for it instead of her dictating my actions or nagging me into taking a different path or even just bringing it up periodically. I needed her to treat me as the adult I am, not the child I once was, for my own emotional well being. Because she does not have a controlling personality she was willing and able to listen to me. OP, if your DD says something to you you might offer suggestions of books or articles she could read to help with ideas on how to address the weight gain, or maybe even organizations on campus that could help. If she does not bring it up, I would NOT make her even more self-conscious and insecure by bringing up her weight gain. Weight gain in college is normal and usually students slough it back off again eventually. If the weight gain is excessive or followed by other health changes, then I might share with her that certain health issues can be indicated by these things and encourage her to get checked out with a doctor, but I would be careful how to approach that. You don't want her to stop sharing with you or feeling badly about herself when she is home. When she is home, cook healthy meals with her, reemphasize a healthy lifestyle through your actions and be open to her wanting to talk about this but in a supportive and understanding way. Listen to her. Reflect back her concerns instead of dictating her actions. Example: "Mom, I just hate that my clothes don't fit anymore!" "Honey, I know how frustrating that can be. What do you think might help your situation? Is there anything I can do from my end?" If she comes up with some ideas, brainstorm with her on ways to implement those ideas but let her be in charge of the conversation. And good luck. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 This adversity to “fat shaming†by moms needs to stop. If your daughter is doing something unhealthy, you need to call her out on it, irrespective of what it is. That is what mothers are for. Motherhood, teaching, assisting, explaining, and paying the bills does not stop when a child enters college. Heck, it never stops in my family. Look at it no differently than what you would do if you found out DD was driving her car too fast, smoking, making low grades, not treating toe nail fungus, whatever. Fill in the blank. The thing is, it’s not the same. It just isn’t. Anne 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Agreeing with others. Believe me, she knows she’s gaining weight. She doesn’t need her mom to tell her the obvious. Don’t say a word. Hugs. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 All of my girls put on weight in college that first year -- probably 15 pounds. They came from a home where we were pretty careful about what we ate. Then suddenly being on your own, being able to eat anything and as much as you wanted and generally having cafeteria food, it's very likely to happen. For some it lasted a couple years, but every one of them lost it all again eventually, once they returned to their own eating style, and especially when they were cooking themselves. I know that's not easy. But weight is such a delicate thing. One dd probably put on 40 pounds over a period of years. It was hard to not say anything, but I had made a vow to myself that I would never do that to my girls unless I thought there was an underlying issue. But even then, I'd most likely just address the underlying issues. Now, I knew that this dd did, in fact, have another issue going on. She had chronic migraines, nearly every day, and they could be very debilitating. I knew her weight gain was related to trying to deal with all of that. So, I put all my effort into tackling her chronic migraines. I'd try and help in other areas of her life too. I paid for her haircuts, got her cute clothes from time to time that fit her well -- so she could still feel good about her looks. Invited her to yoga classes with me, and we often cooked together (because she enjoyed it). But, we never discussed her weight or made it an issue. I think only once did she bring up her weight with me, in passing. She wasn't asking for advice, just commenting on it. I just hugged her and told her she was so beautiful. After about five years, she is now back down to her regular size again and healthy cooking is one of her favorite things to do. She is actually one of the most joyful people I know. Unfortunately, she still has her daily migraines and we are continuing to do everything we can to get to the bottom of them. (P.S. if she had ever directly asked me to help her lose weight, I certainly would have tried to help.) you are an awesome Mom and this brought me to tears. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fralala Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) I gained the freshman 50. Then I lost it without really trying, once I wasn't in a junk-food-is-everywhere, never-get-enough-sleep environment. I was also very athletic, which gave me an appetite I've never since been able to regain. I was also the happiest and most self-confident I've ever been in college, despite weighing 175 pounds. Maybe I was also the most beautiful (because: happy and confident. And young. Sigh). If you notice your daughter seems sad or upset, you mention that. You focus on a particular incident or a concrete example that is recent. You mention what you noticed and maybe say you're worried, but if she doesn't volunteer any feelings or doesn't want to talk about it, that's up to her. Right now, actually, I am about to go call my mom and thank her for never once mentioning my weight gain. It must have been very hard for her. (She is vegan with a strong bias toward orthorexia who erred on the side of frequently telling my anorexic sister that she looked great when she was a walking skeleton. If she can do it, anyone can.) Edited January 10, 2018 by fralala 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 This adversity to “fat shaming†by moms needs to stop. If your daughter is doing something unhealthy, you need to call her out on it, irrespective of what it is. That is what mothers are for. Motherhood, teaching, assisting, explaining, and paying the bills does not stop when a child enters college. Heck, it never stops in my family. Look at it no differently than what you would do if you found out DD was driving her car too fast, smoking, making low grades, not treating toe nail fungus, whatever. Fill in the blank. And this method is exactly what changes relationships. Not for the better. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Any weight discussion is probably a bad idea. My within normal weight range DD lost weight this fall, a noticeable amount for the short time of a semester. She is definitely happy at school and involved with people and activities as much as an introvert can be. If this were last year I would gave suspected a mental health component. I talked to her about it because she is off campus now. She does have small meal plan so she can eat with friends for social purposes. The problem seems to be her cooking repetiore is limited ( steamed veg and, rice and salad, no protien, no fats) she's overly concerned about grocery costs. Anyway I tried to talk to her and she was upset at me for bringing up losing weight. At home she's eaten a lot, so I'm not worried about eating disorder. I'm hoping we've modeled how to fuel herself better in the last few weeks. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer&Mom Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 You don't say a word. Your daughter is an adult and her weight and her health are her own private business. If your daughter's weight gain bothers you, that is your problem, please don't make it hers. Added to clarify: When another adult's habits, behavior or appearance affect me to the point where I want to interfere with them, I have a boundary issue. That is my problem to address and I shouldn't try to make my discomfort the responsibility of the other person by "addressing" the perceived problem. This assumes that the habit, behavior, appearance doesn't affect other people in a detrimental way (and no, increasing general healthcare costs is not a reason to be interfering and to attempt to control people). Thank you for this. My mom spent a great deal of Christmas making "helpful" comments about my weight. (And offering to buy me an exercise bike. Ugh.) I know she has boundary issues, but it's really nice to see someone else spell that out! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 What I've noticed around here is that it's not the Freshman 15 anymore, it's more like the Freshman 50+. There are quite a few kids I know who were normal weight in high school and then quickly gained a very large amount of weight when they went away to college, to the point of obesity. It's made me wonder why that is happening - is it a more sedentary lifestyle, or more access to fattening foods? Back when I was in school, we just had the crummy cafeteria food, but now the colleges we've visited have Starbucks and Jamba Juice and an array of fast food options right there on campus. Anyway, just musing on that...none of my kids have gone away to college yet and I don't have any good advice, other than to agree with the previous posters. I just finished reading The Case Against Sugar by Gary Taubes. That is a very compelling book. And I agree with Freshmen 50. I have been pretty shocked at the size some kids I know attain in college. In some cases, one or both parents are very fit and lean. It does make me wish I was in a position to research this. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) This adversity to “fat shaming†by moms needs to stop. If your daughter is doing something unhealthy, you need to call her out on it, irrespective of what it is. That is what mothers are for. Motherhood, teaching, assisting, explaining, and paying the bills does not stop when a child enters college. Heck, it never stops in my family. Look at it no differently than what you would do if you found out DD was driving her car too fast, smoking, making low grades, not treating toe nail fungus, whatever. Fill in the blank. Um, when a child is a child yes. I wouldn't call my adult kids out on anything. My parents did me the same favor. Unless it's illegal or I'm asked I'm not offering advice. YMMV Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk Edited January 10, 2018 by joyofsix 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth86 Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Please don't discuss it with her. No kidding. She knows she's gaining weight and will work on it if she wants to or ask for help if she wants any from you. Would your mother try to do something about your weight gain? Mine wouldn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) One thing you may be able to discuss if the opportunity arises is sleep habits. I believe this is a significant "hidden" factor in young adult weight gain. I wouldn't address it as a weight issue unless, as others have said, she comes to you asking for advice on weight. But if you can fit in a general healthy habits discussion sleep would be an appropriate topic. Do some research first, sleep has so many health benefits. Edited January 10, 2018 by maize 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 My 90 year old grandmother is still nagging her 70 year old daughter about weight. Just don't go there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Don’t. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalsummer Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 It’s not akin to those. It’s akin to being mocked for autism, height, or ethnicity, not low grades or nail fungus. Weight is a lot more complicated than pizza, and if it isn’t the daughter in question can most assuredly handle it herself with needing mommy to intervene. I agree with you that it's not appropriate to bring up the weight gain, but I don't think it's more like autism, height, or ethnicity than like low grades or a nail fungus; generally you can change your weight (although it may be very hard). Saying you can't, that behavior doesn't affect weight, confuses the issue. I don't think you should bring up low grades or a persistent nail fungus or smoking with your adult kids either, though, or any of the other things the PP mentioned. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 I gained a lot of weight in graduate school. Six months later I found out my thyroid had more or less quit working. Please don’t bring it up, but that’s worth checking if she brings up. I had a terrible time getting a doctor to test because “22 year olds don’t have thyroid problems.†2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Thank you for this. My mom spent a great deal of Christmas making "helpful" comments about my weight. (And offering to buy me an exercise bike. Ugh.) I know she has boundary issues, but it's really nice to see someone else spell that out!Hugs. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 I gained a lot of weight in graduate school. Six months later I found out my thyroid had more or less quit working. Please don’t bring it up, but that’s worth checking if she brings up. I had a terrible time getting a doctor to test because “22 year olds don’t have thyroid problems.†Good point. Yep. I started eating 6 full meals a day. I had a thyroid condition. Mid-20s. I agree, a physical, especially if other things seem off, might be a good idea at some point further down the road if it starts to look like more than just the change from home to college is the issue. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frances Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 What I've noticed around here is that it's not the Freshman 15 anymore, it's more like the Freshman 50+. There are quite a few kids I know who were normal weight in high school and then quickly gained a very large amount of weight when they went away to college, to the point of obesity. It's made me wonder why that is happening - is it a more sedentary lifestyle, or more access to fattening foods? Back when I was in school, we just had the crummy cafeteria food, but now the colleges we've visited have Starbucks and Jamba Juice and an array of fast food options right there on campus. Anyway, just musing on that...none of my kids have gone away to college yet and I don't have any good advice, other than to agree with the previous posters. I think it probably varies quite a bit based on the college culture and amenities. My son said the focus at his school was very much on being fit and healthy and the fitness center was very busy 24/7 and most people seemed into healthy eating. The summer readings for his honors college even focused on food issues. And while there were certainly chain fast food restaurants within easy walking distance, there were none right on campus. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 A shopping trip is always a nice thing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 What I've noticed around here is that it's not the Freshman 15 anymore, it's more like the Freshman 50+. There are quite a few kids I know who were normal weight in high school and then quickly gained a very large amount of weight when they went away to college, to the point of obesity. It's made me wonder why that is happening - is it a more sedentary lifestyle, or more access to fattening foods? Back when I was in school, we just had the crummy cafeteria food, but now the colleges we've visited have Starbucks and Jamba Juice and an array of fast food options right there on campus. Anyway, just musing on that...none of my kids have gone away to college yet and I don't have any good advice, other than to agree with the previous posters.I I h I have seen some college students continue to eat the same and have the same activity level, but underestimate the number of calories they start adding to the equation drinking alcohol. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 All of my girls put on weight in college that first year -- probably 15 pounds. They came from a home where we were pretty careful about what we ate. Then suddenly being on your own, being able to eat anything and as much as you wanted and generally having cafeteria food, it's very likely to happen. For some it lasted a couple years, but every one of them lost it all again eventually, once they returned to their own eating style, and especially when they were cooking themselves. I know that's not easy. But weight is such a delicate thing. One dd probably put on 40 pounds over a period of years. It was hard to not say anything, but I had made a vow to myself that I would never do that to my girls unless I thought there was an underlying issue. But even then, I'd most likely just address the underlying issues. Now, I knew that this dd did, in fact, have another issue going on. She had chronic migraines, nearly every day, and they could be very debilitating. I knew her weight gain was related to trying to deal with all of that. So, I put all my effort into tackling her chronic migraines. I'd try and help in other areas of her life too. I paid for her haircuts, got her cute clothes from time to time that fit her well -- so she could still feel good about her looks. Invited her to yoga classes with me, and we often cooked together (because she enjoyed it). But, we never discussed her weight or made it an issue. I think only once did she bring up her weight with me, in passing. She wasn't asking for advice, just commenting on it. I just hugged her and told her she was so beautiful. After about five years, she is now back down to her regular size again and healthy cooking is one of her favorite things to do. She is actually one of the most joyful people I know. Unfortunately, she still has her daily migraines and we are continuing to do everything we can to get to the bottom of them. (P.S. if she had ever directly asked me to help her lose weight, I certainly would have tried to help.) I know we don't know each other, but I sort of love you. Thank you for being such a great mom. Thank you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 I think it probably varies quite a bit based on the college culture and amenities. My son said the focus at his school was very much on being fit and healthy and the fitness center was very busy 24/7 and most people seemed into healthy eating. The summer readings for his honors college even focused on food issues. And while there were certainly chain fast food restaurants within easy walking distance, there were none right on campus. Yes. Whenever we're in town/on campus at DS22's school (college town/huge state flagship university) I notice how slim and fit almost everyone is. It's a strikingly noticeable difference from walking around any other town/city around here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.