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Meadowlark

Oh, please tell me how to handle this. I'm fuming!

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I don't understand need for a two forms of communication rule - if FB can be accessed from your phone, why should the leader send another notice to your phone via text? My thought here is an internet-based form of communication can be accessed by any internet-enabled device, so it can be accessed easily for most people. If your phone falls in a puddle, you're not going to get a text, but you can still get a FB message. If your computer dies, you can still get a FB message off your kindle or phone. 

 

PS: this is mainly coming from my point of view that I do not need nor want 2-3 notifications for every thing. I have 3 kids who have multiple activities each, plus my own meetings and appointments, I don't want to drown in notifications of the same change/activity. I hate that my dentist sends me an email, a text, and forces a google calendar appointment onto my calendar (that ends up duplicating the appointment I already put there).

 

Because stuff happens.  Web pages crash, internet goes down, power goes out, etc etc.  There are eleventy billion ways to communicate.  And every single one has a potential for failure. 

 

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Call her frequently (weekly?) to ask about time changes, or anything else that is different from master calendar that you need to know about.  Also always call the morning of meeting and remind her right then that  you are not on FB so if anything changes between your call and the meeting, you need to know by phone call or by text by _____ time in order to be able to get your son there on time.

 

I can tell you that this would drive me over the edge.  There is no way I could handle weekly phone calls just for confirmation on something.  I might be able to get a response out to an email or text in time if they sent it early enough.  But a last minute change could come after I respond to any email or text that came through enough ahead of time to be sure I would see it.  

 

I just realized, can you look at a public fb page without being on Facebook? I know this works with Twitter.

 

Then op you can just check the page from time to time.

 

.

 

We aren't allowed to have public pages based on the rules of 4-H.  Ours is a closed group that I make secret whenever I don't have new people coming on.

 

I would encourage any group I'm in to decouple from FB, or at least not use it as the SOLE means of communication. Because of the way Facebook handles your feeds, it is common for people not to see updates: https://twitter.com/Hellchick/status/942863353403150336

 

That's an extreme example, but it's typical. Until FB stops "curating" posts and offers the ability to simply view your feed chronologically, it's sub-optimal for this sort of communication.

 

You can change your feed to be "Most Recent" plus set notifications, plus groups will have a number next to the name if there are new posts.

 

I don't understand.  When a leader says "sure, I can do X" and then the leader doesn't do X....that is the fault of the group member?

 

To me, this is kind of like...changing a phone or email address.  Lets say this group uses group text instead of FB (which is a perfectly normal and common way for groups today to communicate.)  And some one in the group changes their phone number.  They notify the leader of the group, who says "sure, I will update my group text list with your new number."  Then.....the leader doesn't.  That isn't the group member's fault, it's the leader's fault.  "Sorry, it's hard for me to remember to change my group text list" doesn't really work. 

 

If a leader says "I will communicate with you by X method" then I think the leader should use X method.  If the leader can't use X method, than the leader needs to be the one to let the group members know.  BEFORE there's a problem. 

 

My understanding was the leader didn't agree.  She said "Okay, good to know".   That doesn't sound like agreement to me.

 

I run a 4-H group with 20-25 kids.  We use Facebook for our notifications.  IF something changes or is unusual, I will send an email out to the entire group.  A couple days before a meeting, I post about the upcoming meeting and tag the parents of our officers (we have two sets of officers that cover different meetings).   I post pictures after the meetings.  

 

But, sending an email out to 15-20 families does take time.  I CHOOSE to add that if something comes up because I think it's important.  But it takes time because I can't just set up one email list.  I have new members joining almost every month, I have people leaving.  I have an excel spreadsheet I use to track membership and I set up a concatenate formula to put together all my current emails that I can copy and paste into an email.   Not everyone knows how to set up email groups (and change them frequently) or can remember the one person who needs email, because everyone else doesn't need it.  I don't pick and choose, everyone gets it in those situations.  Plus, I have people who seem to check their emails every three weeks, so I doubt email works for everyone anyway. 

 

Technically I could say my two methods are Facebook and announcements made at meetings.  Done.  The time of our meetings has never changed.  We've skipped for snow, but I figure anyone who lives around here knows it's snowing, knows the schools closed early, and could check the group before heading out in bad weather.

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Facebook is pretty much the only way to communicate for many people under 40. Several of the groups my kids are in don’t use email at all(and the younger 20-something patients don’t use email, only Facebook messenger), and not using Facebook is, frankly, akin to refusing to use email in 2007 and expecting people to call you.

 

This is interesting to me because in my area, I am not finding this to be true at all.  None of the groups that I belong to use Facebook exclusively.

 

My 23 year old does not use Facebook at all, only snapchat with a few people.

 

My 21 year old has a Facebook account, she never posts updates. She use it daily to check on updates from a few "lifestyle" Facebook pages and to get information from a few local groups that only use Facebook for communication.  (These groups are composed mainly of people in their late 20's to early 30's) She uses instagtram some and snapchat more.  She uses snap chat messaging quite a bit but will text the same friends often on the same day.

 

My 18 year has never opened a facebook account. He doesn't know any friends who use it and they actively think of it as a platform for old people.  He uses group texting and snapchat the most.  He has an Instagram but hasn't used it actively on a few years.  He and his friends also consider twitter to be stupid and for old people.

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I am sorry that it's "hard to have to tell someone no" but when a leader isn't upfront about what they can and can't do....it's the kids that lose out.  And that's where the problem is.

 

The kid is losing out because his mother decided that FB is now evil when it wasn't before. She sent an email which was not even a clear request for special treatment, but an implication that special treatment would be given. The kid isn't missing out because the volunteer leader responded to an email out of left-field with a "good to know" instead of a "no, I won't do something special just for you". It's good social skills to be able to hear that detail from a "good to know" in that context - especially since no personalized emails were forthcoming.

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Oh absolutely I get that there will ALWAYS bee the odd one out.  Completely understand that.  But, like you said, we have lots of tech.  There are about eleventy billion ways to communicate and the fact of the matter is that no one uses each and every single one.  Everyone has one or two or 12 that they don't use.  When a group picks one and only one, that virtually guarantees that people will be excluded.   Picking at least two common methods casts a wide net and is perfectly reasonable. 

 

I think this is my issue. Around here, having a group that relies exclusively on Facebook (or anything else) is extremely rare. I am one of those people that appreciate getting information via different mediums. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

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The groups my kids are in - choir, sports, etc. all use Shutterfly to communicate. Not one of them uses Facebook. You can view a calendar, make a roster of who is in the group, post pictures, send a group email reminder, etc. If you don't want to use Facebook then tell the leader you will set up a group Shutterfly account and be in charge of it.

 

https://www.shutterfly.com/sites/create/welcome.sfly?fid=134ceeedcbe4ac56

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But group notifications don't go in your regular feed. Or rather, they do, but you can also set it up to notify you whenever anyone posts in the group. Plus you can once a day or week or whatever go directly to the group page to check.

My job is morphing into solely communicating on a private Facebook page; things like “the schedule has changed, check to see which station you should go to†or “ X is looking for coverage for Saturday night shift.†I have it set to automatically alert me when there is a posting on that private page so I don’t miss anything in my feed.

 

I understand it’s frustrating, but just like the change to email, I think this is simply where communication is at now.

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I absolutely welcome multiple notifications.  I appreciate it. 

 

I am sorry that it's "hard to have to tell someone no" but when a leader isn't upfront about what they can and can't do....it's the kids that lose out.  And that's where the problem is.

 

I don't welcome  it, why would I?   Oh yay, a text in addition the message I just read, it's my lucky day?

 

 

Leaders absolutely do have to tell people no.  What I said was, if they don't immediately respond by setting a boundary..... that's not a person who is a failure.  This leader fir is communicating very clearly with the message.  OP got mad about it, but, the leaders position- basically saying "it'll be your job, not mine, to keep you up to date since you opted out of group communication"- is completely reasonable .

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I don't really have anything productive to add to the discussion, it I think group texts are annoying. A text goes out to everyone in the group, then my phone dings every time anyone responds back. I remove myself from group texts whenever possible.

Your group texts are done wrong. If they are sent through an app like Remind, responses only go to the leader.

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I can tell you that this would drive me over the edge.  There is no way I could handle weekly phone calls just for confirmation on something.  I might be able to get a response out to an email or text in time if they sent it early enough.  But a last minute change could come after I respond to any email or text that came through enough ahead of time to be sure I would see it.  

 

 

We aren't allowed to have public pages based on the rules of 4-H.  Ours is a closed group that I make secret whenever I don't have new people coming on.

 

 

You can change your feed to be "Most Recent" plus set notifications, plus groups will have a number next to the name if there are new posts.

 

 

My understanding was the leader didn't agree.  She said "Okay, good to know".   That doesn't sound like agreement to me.

 

I run a 4-H group with 20-25 kids.  We use Facebook for our notifications.  IF something changes or is unusual, I will send an email out to the entire group.  A couple days before a meeting, I post about the upcoming meeting and tag the parents of our officers (we have two sets of officers that cover different meetings).   I post pictures after the meetings.  

 

But, sending an email out to 15-20 families does take time.  I CHOOSE to add that if something comes up because I think it's important.  But it takes time because I can't just set up one email list.  I have new members joining almost every month, I have people leaving.  I have an excel spreadsheet I use to track membership and I set up a concatenate formula to put together all my current emails that I can copy and paste into an email.   Not everyone knows how to set up email groups (and change them frequently) or can remember the one person who needs email, because everyone else doesn't need it.  I don't pick and choose, everyone gets it in those situations.  Plus, I have people who seem to check their emails every three weeks, so I doubt email works for everyone anyway. 

 

Technically I could say my two methods are Facebook and announcements made at meetings.  Done.  The time of our meetings has never changed.  We've skipped for snow, but I figure anyone who lives around here knows it's snowing, knows the schools closed early, and could check the group before heading out in bad weather.

If the FB group is private, doesn't changes in membership also mean adding and deleting FB members too?  With a group as dynamic as multiple people leaving and joining each month, I imagine just managing membership alone is a huge chore, aside from communication methods. 

 

 

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The kid is losing out because his mother decided that FB is now evil when it wasn't before. She sent an email which was not even a clear request for special treatment, but an implication that special treatment would be given. The kid isn't missing out because the volunteer leader responded to an email out of left-field with a "good to know" instead of a "no, I won't do something special just for you". It's good social skills to be able to hear that detail from a "good to know" in that context - especially since no personalized emails were forthcoming.

 

But why be ambiguous? Why not just say "This group communicates via Facebook so you will have to find a way to get the information". I would have preferred that. I guess I wasn't clear, but neither was she. When we joined this group btw, there was no communication about HOW the group communicates. In fact, there hasn't been much communication whatesoever at all. So my "irk" is really about the fact that we are navigating this complicated 4-H world relatively in the dark with limited leadership at any level.

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The groups my kids are in - choir, sports, etc. all use Shutterfly to communicate. Not one of them uses Facebook. You can view a calendar, make a roster of who is in the group, post pictures, send a group email reminder, etc. If you don't want to use Facebook then tell the leader you will set up a group Shutterfly account and be in charge of it.

 

https://www.shutterfly.com/sites/create/welcome.sfly?fid=134ceeedcbe4ac56

 

I tried to use this for one kid group I organized, but, it requires every single parent to make a shutterfly account.   10 of the 13 did, 3 didn't. So back to Facebook.

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Just this weekend a woman who leads a church group was lamenting that it is hard to get information out to people. Some want FB, some want texts. The leader doesn't do social media and lots of the older ladies in the group don't like texts. She sends emails but people straight up tell her they are too busy to read emails.

 

I told the leader to pick her communication and go with it. She is the one volunteering her time. If you are too busy to read an email, the group just isn't that important.

 

I recently had it out with a 4H leader who would only use face to face communication. I begged her to choose some platform, any platform, and I would be agreeable. 4H is important to me and I don't have Twitter or IG but if she had said "Twitter" I would have signed up.

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But why be ambiguous? Why not just say "This group communicates via Facebook so you will have to find a way to get the information". I would have preferred that. I guess I wasn't clear, but neither was she. When we joined this group btw, there was no communication about HOW the group communicates. In fact, there hasn't been much communication whatesoever at all. So my "irk" is really about the fact that we are navigating this complicated 4-H world relatively in the dark with limited leadership at any level.

 

That's what she is saying now.

 

I gotta be honest, we tried TWO different 4-H groups, and gave up.  Unlike most kid groups, 4-H is really difficult to navigate.

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The kid is losing out because his mother decided that FB is now evil when it wasn't before. She sent an email which was not even a clear request for special treatment, but an implication that special treatment would be given. The kid isn't missing out because the volunteer leader responded to an email out of left-field with a "good to know" instead of a "no, I won't do something special just for you". It's good social skills to be able to hear that detail from a "good to know" in that context - especially since no personalized emails were forthcoming.

I think in this specific case, the kid is missing out because the OP didn't clarify, not because she removed FB.  Deciding to remove yourself from FB isn't asking for special treatment any more than changing your phone number or email address is asking for special treatment.  I absolutely agree that the OP should have clarified what works and what doesn't rather than assuming "good to know" was an agreement. 

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This must be regional. NONE of the teens/early 20's I know would even consider FB. It's for old people. LOL

 

My ds21 had a FB acct when he was 15-16. He chose to deactivate it around age 19? He actually doesn't use social media at all. He is an Anth major and has studied and written several research assignments on the downfall of human interaction resulting from social media. HAHA. None of his friends have active FB accts. Some use other forms of SM though.

 

DD15 has chosen to stay FB free although she does have Instagram. That and SnapChat seems to be what teens/Early 20s use in our area.

The biggest fans of Facebook seem to be 30-50-something moms, honestly. The techiest people I know eschew it entirely, as do the younger generation. And it’s a horrible platform in so many ways. I hate it and wish I could have stayed off forever. But when there is literally no other way to access a group’s information you do what you have to. My profile is locked down and I add zero friends, even from the groups. But it lets me become a member and check on what’s going on.

 

Keeping Facebook strictly group related and not personal has been a decent choice for me, but I fully endorse email list only if someone will do it. I have never been so happy to quit something as when I deleted, and kept deleted, my Facebook account. Again, though, I can’t complain if I miss information because I opt out of the main communication form. It’s a choice I make and the consequences go with it.

 

It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t relish the entire platform, and socials as a whole, going down. But until then you choose whether you want your lack of social media or a group contact for a lot of these.

Edited by Arctic Mama
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If the FB group is private, doesn't changes in membership also mean adding and deleting FB members too?  With a group as dynamic as multiple people leaving and joining each month, I imagine just managing membership alone is a huge chore, aside from communication methods. 

 

 

4H is annual, not monthly.

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There are so many ways to communicate to groups these days. As both a participant and leader it's my personal responsibility to ensure that I'm using the communication tool that the specific group uses. So I had to create a facebook account for 4 of my groups (I go straight to each specific group page to check for messages), I have to check a website for one group, and the other 4+ groups use e-mail.

 

I'm just happy that all these methods are in English, easy to access, and free. One group I'm with has a large Chinese population and is looking to send info through Wechat, which is only in Mandarin. That limits things for some of us. ;)

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I have chosen not to have a FB acct for personal reasons.  My kids and I have missed opportunities with groups for park days and such.  We have a business.  And I have been told that we have missed out on great free advertising.  So, I am aware that there are drawbacks.  But there are rewards for me that I am not tempted to read and deal with all the drama that I do not have time for(or the mental health to process).  I am weak.  Especially when I am in a depressive spiral.  My therapist told me to stay far away. :)  She did say FB will keep her in business until she retires. HAHA

 

 

I think it's funny that people who are not on FB are considered "hold outs" or refusing to learn technology.  That is not the case at all for us.  And I have no problem with people who love FB. :)  I wonder how we communicated without it. :laugh:  I still call people(gasp). I send personal texts.  Even to people I don't know to share information.  This interaction is essential to me.

 

And everyone who says to set up a dummy acct--Isn't that against FB policy?  I am a rule follower.  That would never work for me.  

 

If a group says FB only communication, I would not join.  If I was already a part of the group and the only form of communication was SM, I would text the leader 2-3 times a week to confirm times/locations.  I would put the burden on myself.

Edited by rjand6more
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I don't welcome  it, why would I?   Oh yay, a text in addition the message I just read, it's my lucky day?

 

 

Leaders absolutely do have to tell people no.  What I said was, if they don't immediately respond by setting a boundary..... that's not a person who is a failure.  This leader fir is communicating very clearly with the message.  OP got mad about it, but, the leaders position- basically saying "it'll be your job, not mine, to keep you up to date since you opted out of group communication"- is completely reasonable .

 

Because tech fails.  Because info could be time sensitive and people cannot be relied upon to be checking their phones computers all the time.  If a ball game gets cancelled an hour beforehand, there's no guarantee that a parent will be able to check FB in time, in between leaving work, driving home, picking up the kids etc.  Multiple methods are the best effort a leader can make to make sure that people get the info. 

 

Yes, agree the OP should have clarified. 

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I recently had it out with a 4H leader who would only use face to face communication. I begged her to choose some platform, any platform, and I would be agreeable. 4H is important to me and I don't have Twitter or IG but if she had said "Twitter" I would have signed up.

 

And see, I value the face to face communication, but I think this is as much a problem as using ONLY FB. 

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If the FB group is private, doesn't changes in membership also mean adding and deleting FB members too?  With a group as dynamic as multiple people leaving and joining each month, I imagine just managing membership alone is a huge chore, aside from communication methods. 

 

 

Yes, the newbies get added to the Facebook group when they ask for information about joining.  I give them one month to join the club and then I check to see if they are still interested and if not, delete them from the group.    Members who leave the group are deleted once they officially leave (many don't "officially" leave) or when we start a new year and they don't re-register.

 

Part of my problem with sending group emails is that I'm on Facebook every day (I'm on it on another tab right now), but I check email mainly from my phone since I can check all my accounts at once.  I can reply to a single email easily, but sending a group email requires going on my laptop and signing into the correct email.   I currently have 4 emails.  One very old aol email that many of my family and friends use, a gmail based on my name that I use for newer stuff and anything to do with work, an email for my business that I have to keep up with daily, and the email for my 4-H group.  Technically I also have an old email from the 4-H group that was our generic email when we first started the club and were recruiting members, while the new one is based on the clubs name.  I keep trying to get the county to use the new club email but they mostly send stuff to my old AOL account since that's what they've had on file for me for the past 8 years (this is my second club).  

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But why be ambiguous? Why not just say "This group communicates via Facebook so you will have to find a way to get the information". I would have preferred that. I guess I wasn't clear, but neither was she. When we joined this group btw, there was no communication about HOW the group communicates. In fact, there hasn't been much communication whatesoever at all. So my "irk" is really about the fact that we are navigating this complicated 4-H world relatively in the dark with limited leadership at any level.

 

Because that isn't how things work all the time. She responded to you in the moment - probably because she didn't have the time at her disposal to think about this Very Important Issue and wanted to at least acknowledge your email. She is a volunteer. This is your problem, not hers. She has no obligation to take on your problem just because you let her know you had one.

 

Why not just join FB?

Why not just actually ask her if she would give you special treatment?

Why not take over the communication for your group?

Why not just start your own 4-H group that customizes communications for each individual member?

 

I mean, the "why not just" could go on indefinitely. The bottom line is this is your problem to solve, not the 4-H leader's.

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4H is annual, not monthly.

 

My group meets twice a month, and I have people joining all year long.

Edited by Where's Toto?
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Yes, the newbies get added to the Facebook group when they ask for information about joining.  I give them one month to join the club and then I check to see if they are still interested and if not, delete them from the group.    Members who leave the group are deleted once they officially leave (many don't "officially" leave) or when we start a new year and they don't re-register.

 

Part of my problem with sending group emails is that I'm on Facebook every day (I'm on it on another tab right now), but I check email mainly from my phone since I can check all my accounts at once.  I can reply to a single email easily, but sending a group email requires going on my laptop and signing into the correct email.   I currently have 4 emails.  One very old aol email that many of my family and friends use, a gmail based on my name that I use for newer stuff and anything to do with work, an email for my business that I have to keep up with daily, and the email for my 4-H group.  Technically I also have an old email from the 4-H group that was our generic email when we first started the club and were recruiting members, while the new one is based on the clubs name.  I keep trying to get the county to use the new club email but they mostly send stuff to my old AOL account since that's what they've had on file for me for the past 8 years (this is my second club).  

 

The thing is, EVERYONE has their own problem with XYZ method because of things like this.  For some people, it's a problem with FB, for others it's a problem with group emails, for others it's a problem with texts, etc etc.  That is exactly why I think having 2 methods of communication is important.  Your problem with group emails is not really any different than someone else's problem with FB. 

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I'm going to be that person for a minute...

 

How old is the son?  Because by age 11, 12, 13, middle school years, I WAS the method of communication between the club/organization and my parent.  I was responsible for getting there at the right time and getting a ride home.  I was responsible for knowing when meetings were, what time, and where.  If I messed up somewhere and forgot a meeting or couldn't find a ride home, that was on me.  During middle school I was in soccer, after-school music groups, honor society, TREND (like DARE for middle schoolers), and was a leader for a Relay for Life team and going to meetings at the ACS offices.  None of that was planned/arranged/communicated through a parent.  No one was calling my mom about dates and times for meetings or practices and to make sure she was aware of what was going on.  If I wanted to join, I had to figure it out myself.  If someone called the house with schedule changes, they talked to me, not my parent.

 

Is that how it is these days, with instant and always-on communication?  That parents plan and schedule all this and kids are the last to know?  And why are we handing out leadership titles if there's little responsibility until late teens and adulthood?

 

(If he's still elementary age, ignore this.. but even then, why the VP title?)

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The thing is, EVERYONE has their own problem with XYZ method because of things like this.  For some people, it's a problem with FB, for others it's a problem with group emails, for others it's a problem with texts, etc etc.  That is exactly why I think having 2 methods of communication is important.  Your problem with group emails is not really any different than someone else's problem with FB. 

 

Sure, and they know when they join that our primary method of communication is Facebook.  They can also stay for meetings and listen to the announcements in the beginning. Most of my parents like to leave but staying for the first 10 minutes and then leaving would get them the majority of the information they need.

 

If there is a last minute change, I do send an email to the entire group so anything last minute is also communicated two ways.

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Sure, and they know when they join that our primary method of communication is Facebook.  They can also stay for meetings and listen to the announcements in the beginning. Most of my parents like to leave but staying for the first 10 minutes and then leaving would get them the majority of the information they need.

 

If there is a last minute change, I do send an email to the entire group so anything last minute is also communicated two ways.

 

So in addition to FB, you use in person communication at the meetings, and also email at times.  Three methods of communication about the groups events works for me. 

 

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And now, I have wasted too much time here.  I need to go make sure that my girls have finished their morning chores and then teach some times tables lol. 

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So in addition to FB, you use in person communication at the meetings, and also email at times.  Three methods of communication about the groups events works for me. 

 

 And me as well. I think this is good leadership!

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Because that isn't how things work all the time. She responded to you in the moment - probably because she didn't have the time at her disposal to think about this Very Important Issue and wanted to at least acknowledge your email. She is a volunteer. This is your problem, not hers. She has no obligation to take on your problem just because you let her know you had one.

 

Why not just join FB?

Why not just actually ask her if she would give you special treatment?

Why not take over the communication for your group?

Why not just start your own 4-H group that customizes communications for each individual member?

 

I mean, the "why not just" could go on indefinitely. The bottom line is this is your problem to solve, not the 4-H leader's.

And clearly-I *am* trying to solve it. I think I've already communicated that I will do just about anything at this point to get the information so that my son doesn't miss out. I just cannot be on Facebook for reasons I am not going to disclose here. 

Edited by Meadowlark

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And clearly-I *am* trying to solve it. I think I've already communicated that I will do just about anything at this point to get the information so that my son doesn't miss out. I just cannot be on Facebook for reasons I am not going to disclose here.

Can you make a dummy account that doesn’t use your real name?

 

Otherwise the solution I’d posit is asking another parent to relay changes to you, instead of the group leader.

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And clearly-I *am* trying to solve it. I think I've already communicated that I will do just about anything at this point to get the information so that my son doesn't miss out. I just cannot be on Facebook for reasons I am not going to disclose here. 

 

Well, you opted out of the communication method. You let the leader know that you were opting out and assumed that she would cater to you and now you're mad that she isn't. You asked a friend, who is also really busy with her own 6 children, to notify you. Now you're going to do what? Text/email/call this volunteer monthly/weekly/daily to ask if there are any changes so that she can repeat the same message she already sent to FB? 

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Can you make a dummy account that doesn’t use your real name?

 

Otherwise the solution I’d posit is asking another parent to relay changes to you, instead of the group leader.

People keep suggesting this.  Is this against FB rules or I am I mistaken?

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There have been tons of discussions on this board about how people need to own their own choices on media. If a group communicates by FB then it is your responsibility to keep up with it or to get a personal friend to let you know if they are willing. It is not the responsibility of the group to find a way to communicate with you specifically.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

Well said and I agree.  

 

I am not on FB but if the group I needed to be informed of was, than I would do it. 

 

I would not expect them to send me emails just because I am not on FB.  Not their job.  

 

There would be no reason for me to be mad about this. 

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Well, you opted out of the communication method. You let the leader know that you were opting out and assumed that she would cater to you and now you're mad that she isn't. You asked a friend, who is also really busy with her own 6 children, to notify you. Now you're going to do what? Text/email/call this volunteer monthly/weekly/daily to ask if there are any changes so that she can repeat the same message she already sent to FB? 

 

So, am I understanding that even if the OP takes the burden of seeking out the information via text/email, etc she is STILL the problem?  

 

If I text a leader and say ,"Hey, I'm just confirming the meeting is at 4:00.  And no changes, right?"  That is a hardship to the leader? To text , "yep. no changes."?

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People keep suggesting this. Is this against FB rules or I am I mistaken?

There sort of is, you can’t pretend to be someone you’re not. But you can use a nickname, which is what I did. It wasn’t a fake name, per we, but an alternative moniker. I’m a rule follower too but was comfortable with this.

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So, am I understanding that even if the OP takes the burden of seeking out the information via text/email, etc she is STILL the problem?  

 

If I text a leader and say ,"Hey, I'm just confirming the meeting is at 4:00.  And no changes, right?"  That is a hardship to the leader? To text , "yep. no changes."?

 

It depends. If it is simply to confirm meeting times, then it's probably fine. But if she isn't getting ANY information in any other way, it's probably not just meeting times. Although honestly, confirming meeting times via text every week would also drive me batty. 

 

If someone opted out of the communication method that a group I led was using, I'd be very irritated to have to re-iterate all the communication with said person when they called/texted/emailed. 

 

Because it's just one. more. thing. that I'd have to do, knowing that there are people who don't appreciate the work I put in. Which is apparent in the comments like "That is a hardship to the leader?" Because, yes, it can be. And if it is, it doesn't mean they are a bad leader. Sometimes people are bad group-members.

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I don't understand. When a leader says "sure, I can do X" and then the leader doesn't do X....that is the fault of the group member?

 

To me, this is kind of like...changing a phone or email address. Lets say this group uses group text instead of FB (which is a perfectly normal and common way for groups today to communicate.) And some one in the group changes their phone number. They notify the leader of the group, who says "sure, I will update my group text list with your new number." Then.....the leader doesn't. That isn't the group member's fault, it's the leader's fault. "Sorry, it's hard for me to remember to change my group text list" doesn't really work.

 

If a leader says "I will communicate with you by X method" then I think the leader should use X method. If the leader can't use X method, than the leader needs to be the one to let the group members know. BEFORE there's a problem.

It is true that the leader should have said,

 

"I am doing this all for free on top of my normal family duties. You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. If you want to done another way do it yourself."

 

When I volunteer I do make that clear.

 

The volunteer was too gentle with OP.

 

But OP should take a hint. "I'll do my best" followed by "sorry but I am doing my best" should be an acceptable, accepted alternative meaning "my best is Facebook and I won't insult you for asking for personalized service from this all volunteer organization, but that's not going to happen."

 

And it is true that of you don't have money, or don't have Facebook, or don't have transportation, or don't have time to volunteer, your kids are going to miss out on things like scouts, 4H, co-ops, etc.

 

If you want it done your way do it yourself. That's not harsh. That's just reality. All these things are run by people sacrificing their own kids' dinner, their own lunch breaks and book reading and work outs and time with their partners. For your kid.

 

It is up to the recipients of their gifts of time to make it work and not demand special services.

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So, am I understanding that even if the OP takes the burden of seeking out the information via text/email, etc she is STILL the problem?

 

If I text a leader and say ,"Hey, I'm just confirming the meeting is at 4:00. And no changes, right?" That is a hardship to the leader? To text , "yep. no changes."?

If there are no changes, it's not a burden. If she's just texting back the word "yes" or a thumbs up, no big deal.

 

(But the way you worded the query isn't yes or no. It's "yes, mtg @4, no changes")

 

But if there are changes, that's tedious. "No, mtg @3 at Lions club bldg, fees for field trip collected this week bc next week's mtg canceled, bring white shirt for tie dye"

 

And then you have to ask, "what field trip? Do you need more chaperones? If you're stopping for a meal can you go someplace without dairy - remember ds allergy. Do you mean the city or the county lions club..."

 

By this point she really wants to link you to the Internet site where the information already IS.

 

This is going to infuriate some people, but I don't believe in the No Facebook necessity. If it's not a matter of security - like you're in the witness protection program or something - it is just a preference. You can lock it down to not see whatever it is that annoys you about FB. You can connect the private group to email, if you don't even want to visit the site...this has all been explained.

 

I've got friends who have high security issues, who are allowed locked down accounts without pictures or identifiable names. For example, Gertrude Melanie Smith would be on there as Mel Trudy and would never post a photo, or allow friend requests or private messages from non-friends. But she can read there, and post questions about t-ball in a private group!

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And clearly-I *am* trying to solve it. I think I've already communicated that I will do just about anything at this point to get the information so that my son doesn't miss out. I just cannot be on Facebook for reasons I am not going to disclose here.

I am in the same position wrt Facebook. You can ask her to make the group public and check for announcements.

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I think groups like this should not only communicate through FB.  I'm sorry, it is not some neutral communications entity that everyone has.  I appreciate that the leaders are volunteers, but it is not the case that that means they can just pick their favourite platform and insist everyone who wants a kid in 4-H join it.  

 

It is not hard to do a group email for people you contact regularly, and I'd consider that more basic than a FB page for a group.  Email is a standard communications method that almost everyone has access to through home, or work, or a library.  Increasingly you need to have it even for government services, just like you need a phone.  It's a reasonable and easy communication option, and if people don't check it - well, that really is their problem.

 

FB is not and should not be that kind of thing - if the policy says that people "have" to belong to FB to be communicated with, it's a bloody bad policy.

 

Actually, especially with larger organizations like 4-H, I think maybe the national levels should think about hosting some sort of way on their own websites for this kind of information to be disseminated, and prohibiting the use of social media like FB for that purpose.

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I am in the same position wrt Facebook. You can ask her to make the group public and check for announcements.

That is against most groups privacy policies and I would have an issue with it.

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It depends. If it is simply to confirm meeting times, then it's probably fine. But if she isn't getting ANY information in any other way, it's probably not just meeting times. Although honestly, confirming meeting times via text every week would also drive me batty. 

 

If someone opted out of the communication method that a group I led was using, I'd be very irritated to have to re-iterate all the communication with said person when they called/texted/emailed. 

 

Because it's just one. more. thing. that I'd have to do, knowing that there are people who don't appreciate the work I put in. Which is apparent in the comments like "That is a hardship to the leader?" Because, yes, it can be. And if it is, it doesn't mean they are a bad leader. Sometimes people are bad group-members.

 

I do appreciate the leaders of groups and have been in the past and I tell them so. Often. :)

 

My friends who post invites on FB take a screenshot and send it to me via text.  I don't ask them to, but they know I appreciate it because I tell them.

Edited by rjand6more

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I think groups like this should not only communicate through FB. I'm sorry, it is not some neutral communications entity that everyone has. I appreciate that the leaders are volunteers, but it is not the case that that means they can just pick their favourite platform and insist everyone who wants a kid in 4-H join it.

 

It is not hard to do a group email for people you contact regularly, and I'd consider that more basic than a FB page for a group. Email is a standard communications method that almost everyone has access to through home, or work, or a library. Increasingly you need to have it even for government services, just like you need a phone. It's a reasonable and easy communication option, and if people don't check it - well, that really is their problem.

 

FB is not and should not be that kind of thing - if the policy says that people "have" to belong to FB to be communicated with, it's a bloody bad policy.

 

Actually, especially with larger organizations like 4-H, I think maybe the national levels should think about hosting some sort of way on their own websites for this kind of information to be disseminated, and prohibiting the use of social media like FB for that purpose.

You are wrong. The person volunteering their time to lead gets to pick. One sports team my son is on has an app. It annoyed me to learn a new app but that is how it goes. I’m not in charge, I don’t get to pick.

 

ETA—and anyone who thinks email is an easy way to communicate has never been in charge of a group with over 100 members. I assure you that that is not an easy or effective means of communication.

Edited by Moxie
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You are wrong. The person volunteering their time to lead gets to pick. One sports team my son is on has an app. It annoyed me to learn a new app but that is how it goes. I’m not in charge, I don’t get to pick.

 

ETA—and anyone who thinks email is an easy way to communicate has never been in charge of a group with over 100 members. I assure you that that is not an easy or effective means of communication.

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I think groups like this should not only communicate through FB. I'm sorry, it is not some neutral communications entity that everyone has. I appreciate that the leaders are volunteers, but it is not the case that that means they can just pick their favourite platform and insist everyone who wants a kid in 4-H join it.

 

It is not hard to do a group email for people you contact regularly, and I'd consider that more basic than a FB page for a group. Email is a standard communications method that almost everyone has access to through home, or work, or a library. Increasingly you need to have it even for government services, just like you need a phone. It's a reasonable and easy communication option, and if people don't check it - well, that really is their problem.

 

FB is not and should not be that kind of thing - if the policy says that people "have" to belong to FB to be communicated with, it's a bloody bad policy.

 

Actually, especially with larger organizations like 4-H, I think maybe the national levels should think about hosting some sort of way on their own websites for this kind of information to be disseminated, and prohibiting the use of social media like FB for that purpose.

I agree, it’s definitely not a neutral platform. It’s tough, because some people are convinced it’s fine and the group leader seems to be one of them, so whether she is wrong or not she is the one volunteering and gets to set the terms.

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Yikes! It's just her opinion and not fair to say she's wrong just because you think you're right.

 

I couldn't have written this response better-spot on!

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If there are no changes, it's not a burden. If she's just texting back the word "yes" or a thumbs up, no big deal.

 

(But the way you worded the query isn't yes or no. It's "yes, mtg @4, no changes")

 

But if there are changes, that's tedious. "No, mtg @3 at Lions club bldg, fees for field trip collected this week bc next week's mtg canceled, bring white shirt for tie dye"

 

And then you have to ask, "what field trip? Do you need more chaperones? If you're stopping for a meal can you go someplace without dairy - remember ds allergy. Do you mean the city or the county lions club..."

 

By this point she really wants to link you to the Internet site where the information already IS.

 

This is going to infuriate some people, but I don't believe in the No Facebook necessity. If it's not a matter of security - like you're in the witness protection program or something - it is just a preference. You can lock it down to not see whatever it is that annoys you about FB. You can connect the private group to email, if you don't even want to visit the site...this has all been explained.

 

I've got friends who have high security issues, who are allowed locked down accounts without pictures or identifiable names. For example, Gertrude Melanie Smith would be on there as Mel Trudy and would never post a photo, or allow friend requests or private messages from non-friends. But she can read there, and post questions about t-ball in a private group!

I do get your point  Some people are too busy to have a text conversation.  I am a very busy mom with lots of outside stresses.  I would be happy to do what I can to keep everyone in the loop.

 

I feel like I have a legitimate reason for not having a FB acct.  I don't feel like it is a "preference". If you knew me, you would laugh at me thinking I'm a special snowflake.:) 

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