Sandwalker Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 To quote my husbands dearly departed great aunt....â€with a boy you only have to worry about the one little wee wee; with a girl you have to worry about all the little wee wees.†She was a hoot and we miss her a lot. Stefanie LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Do they live together at college? Not just spend the night, but officially live together? If yes, then I'd put them in the same room. If not, I'd give her a separate sleeping place but tell them both that I did not care where they actually slept. This has less to do with my preference for no sex before serious commitment than it does with a sense that as a hostess I want to allow young women the same level of control they are used to over whether they share a bed with someone on any given night. And this in no way is meant to disparage the OP's son. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I'm not against pre-martial sex and so I'd probably say okay. In reality -- DS19's bedroom is right above ours and his bed is squeaky. We can hear every time he turns over. So . . . not something I'd want to hear. If he asked and DS22 wasn't here I'd probably tell him they'd have to stay in his brother's bedroom (which is also upstairs and on the opposite end of the house from ours, so as far away as possible). I can't imagine either of the boys asking. I *think* they have more . . . respect? regard? . . . for us than to put us in the rather awkward position of having to decide. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 We wouldn't have a problem with it, but for practical purposes it wouldn't happen. When dd was home from school she shared a room with her younger sister. She currently lives with my mother and I know her boyfriend has slept over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I would allow it if the significant other and my child were in a serious, long-term relationship. Otherwise, the son/daughter could potentially bring home a different person every visit, and frankly I would get tired of having to adjust to a new person in my house. Not saying your son would do that, or that other people should have a problem with it; I just don't like people in my house. :o 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandwalker Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Do they live together at college? Not just spend the night, but officially live together? If yes, then I'd put them in the same room. If not, I'd give her a separate sleeping place but tell them both that I did not care where they actually slept. This has less to do with my preference for no sex before serious commitment than it does with a sense that as a hostess I want to allow young women the same level of control they are used to over whether they share a bed with someone on any given night. And this in no way is meant to disparage the OP's son. ^ I agree with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edelweiss Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 For me it really comes down to the fact that I do not, under any circumstance, want to hear them having sex...ever. I don't have a problem with them having sex I just never want to have to hear/see proof of it. ETA: just to be clear, I have no issues with casual sex, hook ups, serial monogamy or what ever they end up getting into. As long as they are safe and mentally healthy I don't see the problem, I just don't know that I want to hear all the details. That's where I am on this issue too. I actually would have no problem with them sleeping in the same room together if I 100% knew that sleeping is all they would be doing. But the thought of them actually having sex around me just bothers me. My daughters are too young to know exactly what I'll do if faced with this, but right now I feel like there isn't any way that I would allow it. I have never had sex while visiting family or anyone else. For me personally, I think it is inappropriate. So, it isn't like I'm holding my daughters to a different standard. I also understand that they might make different choices for themselves, but I just really don't want them to make that choice while staying in my house. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 (edited) Once I went to college, I hardly spent any time in either of my parents' homes ever again. I got a job and stayed in the college town, even over breaks and summers. Later I got summer internships out of state. Basically I never went back home. I would feel happy that my legal adult child was choosing to spend time in our home over a break. As long as his guest is also a legal adult and does not have criminal/behavioral problems, I would welcome her and not tell him they can't bunk together. I don't have any religious or moral objections to that type of relationship, just general caution. Edited January 3, 2018 by laundrycrisis 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 no- I wouldn't allow it. but we're pretty strict on the no-relations before marriage. but my kids have also chosen to live that standard. even when I did have a gf stay at our house - she shared a room with dd, NOT ds. the gf had a harder problem with that than ds. (oh that girl had issues. ds was so glad to break up with her. allowing her to stay at our house - and he could see how unstable she was (seriously, she needed professional help.), he got the courage to break up with her.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted January 4, 2018 Author Share Posted January 4, 2018 I want to thank everyone for their input. After much soul searching and conversation with ds, we agreed that the gf could sleep in his room. Only to be told an hour later that she might not be coming after all because she has the opportunity to pick up some hours at her job. Right now, a win win for me. Brownie points for being okay with it and not actually having to do it. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted January 8, 2018 Author Share Posted January 8, 2018 Well, now she is coming for one night. It will be fine. I am more annoyed that I have to deep clean as she shouldn't think we are slobs. Funny part of the story-ds asked if we can bring the mattress up from the basement for her to sleep on. I said he can give her his bed and he will sleep on the mattress. His response "oh, that's a good idea." Can't wait to see him clean his room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Yes, I would and have. But Husband's parents wouldn't allow it, even when he had been married previously and was in his thirties, and he and I were living together. That's fine too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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