If you have successfully changed your habits WRT housekeeping, chores, organization....

[Greta]

...then I would appreciate any advice you might have to help me change mine!

 

I know there's a similar thread going on already about family chore charts.  But it isn't my whole family that I'm trying to change, it's just me.  I'm a messy person by nature, but nature needs to stop being an excuse.  This is something about myself that I have wanted to change for years, but I've never succeeded for more than a few weeks at a time.  I want my house to be welcoming, inviting, and peaceful.  Not messy and chaotic.  

 

There are so many systems and programs out there that I'm overwhelmed.  Did one of them truly work for you?  Or did you find success in your own way, and if so how?

 

 

[regentrude]

...then I would appreciate any advice you might have to help me change mine!

 

I know there's a similar thread going on already about family chore charts.  But it isn't my whole family that I'm trying to change, it's just me.  I'm a messy person by nature, but nature needs to stop being an excuse.  This is something about myself that I have wanted to change for years, but I've never succeeded for more than a few weeks at a time.  I want my house to be welcoming, inviting, and peaceful.  Not messy and chaotic.

 

There are so many systems and programs out there that I'm overwhelmed.  Did one of them truly work for you?  Or did you find success in your own way, and if so how?

 

The bolded: I would start by identifying why your home is not inviting and peaceful, but messy and chaotic. What is the source of the mess? Seeing that you don't have little kids, it should be possible. What exactly prevents it?

 

My approach is to identify the root causes first and then select the tools that address the root cause, not the symptoms.

[Loowit]

I have never found a system that worked for me.  I just got to the point that I couldn't stand the mess anymore.  My mom was one of the tidiest housekeepers I know.  I thought she was just born that way, but I found out after I was married that she wasn't.  Her tipping point was when her MIL stopped by her house and it was a huge mess.  She was so embarrassed by the mess that she vowed to never have that happen again.  It made me feel like I could change too if I wanted.

 

My biggest thing was to teach myself to put things away when I am done with them.  Not leaving projects lying around half finished.  Not letting dishes from breakfast sit all day.  Folding clothes fresh from the dryer rather than letting them pile up for days.  I have found doing things as I go really helps.  I am not perfect by any means, but it has improved dramatically.

[Carol in Cal.]

Fly Lady is all about small, incremental changes.

That is helpful from a technique standpoint.

 

However, to me, doing a bunch of little stuff but never having a nice room is a bit discouraging.

 

So for me, beginning with a picture in my head that I can convey to others as well in a short sentence is really, really helpful.

For instance, we have a great room in our cabin, and when it's perfect, there is nothing out on the dining table except a tablecloth and a candle or other centerpiece, the chairs are exactly placed at the same distances from the table, the loveseats by the heating stove are in place and the handmade quilts on them are perfectly arranged, and there is nothing out on the kitchen island or counters except one cookie jar.  My short sentence for this is, "When I get here I want the room to say, "Welcome!"  I have said this to my husband so many times while nudging everything into position that he is starting to get it.  (Plus if he leaves his battered wallet or other junk from his pockets out on the table I move it to a catch all basket on a low cabinet, and no matter how many times I do this, he has not learned that that is ALWAYS where I put this kind of stuff, so he can't find it (remarkably, really); so he at least has started emptying his pockets onto a seldom used dining room chair instead, where the stuff is out of sight.  Progress, not perfection!)

 

We are very cluttered at home, but I'm making good progress toward having more of a vision there, too.  Plus I am unloading the years of homeschooling stuff, little by little, that comprises a great deal of that clutter.

 

I'm not 'there' yet, but I see 'there' ahead, and it is a combo of having a Vision, and of taking small, incremental steps, and of having one place be perfected, and not budging from keeping it that way while working on others gradually.

 

Edited December 28, 2017 by Carol in Cal.

[OneStepAtATime]

I needed outside scaffolding and support.  If it is strictly from me it didn't get done consistently.  

 

Now I have my life in Homeschool Planet, I log on every day and keep it running on my laptop.  Everything is in there, including doctors apppointments, etc.  It took time to set up.  I had to make myself work a little bit on it every day.  Now I check it every morning and every evening and check off what gets done then move on and do the next thing.   I print out a list but I also have the laptop so I can look there if I lose my list.  It is so easy to lose focus, get distracted, forget, or get hyper focused on something I find interesting or feel needs urgent attention while forgetting about everything else, especially when the other stuff is boring. Having that tracking system helps.

 

I break down tasks, too.  If on my list it just said "do laundry" that 100% does not reflect all the steps involved.  I may forget, especially since that task covers steps done over time, not one right after the other.  Example:  Bring the dirty clothes downstairs; sort the clothes; wash the towels; dry the towels; wash the whites; fold the towels; dry the whites; fold the whites; put away the towels; put away the whites.  Now I can stay focused on an individual task.  When that part is done I check it off.  The next part is still on the list to help remind me.  If I cannot finish all the steps in one day I shift the other parts to the next day.  It keeps me from feeling like a failure since I DID get to check off parts of that task and it keeps me on track for picking up where I left off the next day.

 

I also have eleventy baziliion alarms on my phone, each labeled.  If there are things I know we need to go to each week those alarms are permanently in my phone.  Also, I have alarms to break down getting ready for those things.  DD does too.  She is as organizationally challenged as a I am.  I also had to recognize that my sense of time is off.  If I think it will take me 5 minutes to get ready in reality it may take :15 or :20.  Knowing and accepting that about myself really helped because then I started backing off my estimated times, giving myself more time to finish things.  I also had to accept that when I try to multi-task I frequently get off track.  I try hard to stay on one task at a time until it is complete.

 

For instance, the kids have math tutoring a couple of days a week.  I have an alarm to remind me when the kids need to be up to make it out the door on time.  This way, even if they are already up, I have a reminder to remind us all that this is coming up.  I also have a reminder that we will be leaving in :20 which means everyone, including me, needs to locate shoes, coats, keys, wallet, etc.  This is a huge help so we aren't scrambling at the last minute.  I then have an alarm for needing to leave in 5 minutes.  This means it is time to pack everything up and get loaded in the car.  This does not mean wait 5 more minutes before starting to pack up.

 

Another thing that helps so much is developing habits for where to put things.  That took work and external scaffolding until muscle and procedural memory were locked in.  And I had to make it logical and convenient or it wouldn't happen.  For instance, I was constantly losing my keys/wallet/phone.  I created a space in a kitchen drawer for the keys and wallet.  The kitchen is near the back door and that is usually where we go out.  The drawer is easy to get to and right near where I normally stand when I am working in the kitchen.  I started putting reminders in my phone to return my keys and wallet to that drawer and I would put my phone on a phone caddy above the drawer.  That way I could hear it if someone called but I wasn't searching all over the house.  Once I was used to always putting the keys and the wallet in the drawer I no longer needed the reminder.

 

A real biggie, though, is decluttering.  Serious decluttering.  I am still working on this.  Rooms I have really worked hard to declutter are so much easier for me to maintain.  Those that are still filled with stuff can just get completely overwhelming.

 

Good luck.

Edited December 28, 2017 by OneStepAtATime

[HomeAgain]

I have trouble paying attention for long periods of time, so what works for me is to work while I'm waiting/setting a timer.  If I'm cooking dinner and have time to spare before the next step, I take the minute to wipe down the counter or the cabinets or sweep...I set my timer for 5 minutes and clean the shower for that long or fold laundry for that- two chores I'm not fond of.  I get up during commercials of a show I like and do stuff out of the room or if it's on Netflix, tidy during the opening/closing credits.  Or I make it a mission to put away 10 things in each room.

 

It also helps to have a routine.  I get up, dh makes coffee, I switch the dishwasher.  I shower, collect everyone's dirty clothes, and throw them in the washer.    Little things, but they all add up during the day.

[RkyMtnMom]

Check out: A Slob Comes Clean

 

She has a website and podcasts and has honestly changed my life when it comes to cleaning my house, keeping it clean and the feelings I have with all of it. 

[Junie]

I have trouble paying attention for long periods of time, so what works for me is to work while I'm waiting/setting a timer.  If I'm cooking dinner and have time to spare before the next step, I take the minute to wipe down the counter or the cabinets or sweep...I set my timer for 5 minutes and clean the shower for that long or fold laundry for that- two chores I'm not fond of.  I get up during commercials of a show I like and do stuff out of the room or if it's on Netflix, tidy during the opening/closing credits.  Or I make it a mission to put away 10 things in each room.

 

It also helps to have a routine.  I get up, dh makes coffee, I switch the dishwasher.  I shower, collect everyone's dirty clothes, and throw them in the washer.    Little things, but they all add up during the day.

 

:iagree:

 

Another thing that I do is I will set a timer for 15 minutes and the kids and I all clean/put away.  Not necessarily together, just at the same time.  At the end, everyone gets a piece of chocolate.  :)  We usually do this once a week, although once a day would be better!

[Night Elf]

I have adapted Flylady's routines to suit my home. I do not do everything she says like shine my sink or wear shoes. I have followed her guidelines for breaking the house into zones and focusing on one zone per week so that all rooms in my house are deep cleaned each month on a rotating weekly basis. Then I have my daily chores that get done outside of zone cleaning like laundry, tidying bathrooms, sweeping rooms, sweeping deck, etc. I do not write down stuff that I do automatically like feed and clean up after pets, wash dishes, prepare meals. The hardest part was getting started because I wanted a fully clean house beginning from Day 1 and that was obviously not  going to happen. I had to stick with it and do a little every day. My house stays mostly clean now. I've not always been great at keeping with this system. Sometimes I just stop and the house goes to pot again, and I don't even have small children anymore. But when I use my cleaning lists, my house looks nice.

[porque]

I use motivated moms checklists. Even if I fall behind, miss a few days or even a week I know that the tasks will come around again. I have been doing this for a few years and it has really helped!

[OneStepAtATime]

Routine!  Yes.  I forgot to mention that.  Create a routine.  Use your DH or alarms or whatever to help you get into that routine.  It may take time.  Do certain daily chores at the same time, in the same order, every day.  That way once this becomes routine you just do it.  You don't have to think about it or remind yourself. 

 

For instance, I started a new routine at night.  

1.  Feed the outside cats (the kids feed them in the morning but this is my time to cuddle them after everyone else is in bed).

2. Make sure the kitchen sink is empty.

3.  Run the dishwasher if it is full.

4.  Start the next load of clothes.

5.  Go upstairs (and start my bedtime routine which is a separate list).

 

The above is different from what I used to do but it is based on the flow of the house.  I move through the house in a logical progression before heading to bed.  I have alarms and a list reminding me until I am used to this routine.  I have found if I do things in random order it takes a lot of my brain power to stay focused on getting everything done.  More than likely something will get forgotten.  If I do it in the same order, starting at roughly the same time each day, it is far more likely I will continue to do these things even after the newness of the new routine has worn off.

[bolt.]

Grouping things into daily routines (with specific times) helps me too.

 

So does having 'tag lines' and good visual ideas of the finished work helps.

 

I also did some work around the ideas of 'a house that cleans itself' -- which is to pay attention to the normal patterns of objects and clutter, and begin containing and streamlining that natural flow of things.

 

There is also a sense of compromise that goes into it. A sense that 'I run the dishwasher when it's not full, if it doesn't have room for the entire next meal of dishes' or permission like, 'That's just where I keep the dirty laundry when there is more than normal'. It's this sort of intentional margin for less successful days/weeks that I need in order to be mostly successful.

[Plink]

Invite a group over once a week.  Seriously.  Accountability works wonders for those of us who are okay with chaos on a daily basis.

[Jkacz]

Honestly, the biggest help to me has been limiting the amount of "stuff" coming into the house. Every new purchase has to have a purpose and a place to go. If something is purchased to replace an item that is too worn, broken, etc, then the old item has to go when the new item comes in. And, no, I'm not perfect with this but I'm getting better.

 

Once new items coming in are under control, start by trying to declutter a couple minutes a day in whatever areas you are in. You go to grab a dishcloth - clean out the dishcloth drawer. Get rid of old ones and re-fold the ones that are left (I prefer rolling them as they take up less room and look neater). You go to put away the dishes - clean out the utensils drawer or get rid of old cups. Putting away laundry - choose one of your drawers to purge clothes you haven't worn all year. Putting away Christmas decorations - what didn't go up this year and decide whether to keep it.

 

Then, as there's less clutter in the house, it becomes easier to clean. It's easier to wipe down a counter when there's not a ton of items on it. Easier to run a Roomba when there's not toys all over the floor. Easier to put away laundry when there's room in the drawer and you're not squishing items into them.

 

My house is not perfect. But it is much better than it was this time last year.

[JIN MOUSA]

Habit stacking

 

Every habit has a cue, action, reward. So think about something you regularly do anyways, make that the cue for a new small habit, and then pat yourself on the back for doing something that you don't normally do. 

 

Here are a few examples:

 

Current habit: regularly checking the mail

Add-on habit: dropping junk mail into the trash/recycling bin before setting any of the mail down

 

Current habit: loading up the dishwasher

Add-on habit: wipe down the easily accessible parts of the counters after loading the dishwasher

 

Current habit: starting a load of laundry

Add-on habit: walking around the house with a laundry basket to pick up laundry things that need to be cleaned

 

I think the key is identifying something that you already do automatically, then adding on something related and helpful, but not so massive that it feels like a Big Thing. Once that new add-on habit becomes a regular habit, find a new add-on habit to intentionally target. It's not a get-clean-quick scheme, but it builds on itself over time. 

 

eta: Here's a link that explains the brain science behind this concept. https://jamesclear.com/habit-stacking

Edited December 28, 2017 by JIN MOUSA

[OneStepAtATime]

Oh, also, once a month I have a friend come over to help me.  She gets paid.  She is fantastic at organization and super quick.  It has helped so much to have that support.  It keeps things under control when I get off track and means that if things DO get off track they don't stay that way.  Keeps me from getting overwhelmed and giving up if routine gets mucked up or I got sick or whatever else caused me to get behind.  Since it isn't all the time it isn't much cost and I feel the investment is worth it for my peace of mind and our functionality as a family.  I consider it like therapy but a lot cheaper.  LOL

[Greta]

Thank you all so much! I plan to re-read (and probably re-re-read) all of your replies to make sure it sinks in! So many great suggestions.

 

The bolded: I would start by identifying why your home is not inviting and peaceful, but messy and chaotic. What is the source of the mess? Seeing that you don't have little kids, it should be possible. What exactly prevents it?

 

My approach is to identify the root causes first and then select the tools that address the root cause, not the symptoms.

I actually started asking myself this after I posted. Other than my three dogs, who do create an inordinate amount of hair on every surface, I really have no one to blame but myself, my own bad habits. I think my biggest problem is in the “maintenance phase†so to speak. I will clean a room, and then feel like “hooray, it’s done!†But the thing about housekeeping, and I guess why I hate it, is that it’s never done. You have to keep doing it over and over and over again. And I don’t seem to get motivated to do it again until it’s so messy that it is bothering me. So I fail at the keeping things clean part.

 

Also, not to shift the blame, but my husband creates some issues too. He is super neat and organized, BUT he wants to keep everything forever. To a point that I think is ridiculous. Our linen closet, for example, is stuffed to the gills, because we have to keep the towels that have holes in them and the queen sized sheets even though there is no queen sized bed in this house anymore, because getting rid of things is a crime against the environment. We have argued about this endlessly. I’m not going to change his mind. What I’m going to have to do is toss stuff when he’s not home and can’t bring it back inside (yes, he has literally brought things back into the house after I put them in the garbage bin!!!!). He’s not messy, he doesn’t leave things lying around. It’s just that we have too much of everything! That makes every chore harder.

[HomeAgain]

 

Also, not to shift the blame, but my husband creates some issues too. He is super neat and organized, BUT he wants to keep everything forever. To a point that I think is ridiculous. Our linen closet, for example, is stuffed to the gills, because we have to keep the towels that have holes in them and the queen sized sheets even though there is no queen sized bed in this house anymore, because getting rid of things is a crime against the environment. We have argued about this endlessly. I’m not going to change his mind. What I’m going to have to do is toss stuff when he’s not home and can’t bring it back inside (yes, he has literally brought things back into the house after I put them in the garbage bin!!!!). He’s not messy, he doesn’t leave things lying around. It’s just that we have too much of everything! That makes every chore harder.

 

Baby steps.  Get some vacuum seal storage bags and remove the old sheets/towels from the closet.  Pack them away in the bags.  In a few months, when he gets used to not seeing them in the now clean closet, talk to your local animal shelter about making a donation.  They often need bedding for the animals. :)  And if not, make them quietly disappear anyway.

 

I just reorganized our storage room before Christmas.  Dh has no idea what is missing but he loves how neat it looks!  For other things, I keep a large box in the hall closet.  If I see something that we don't need, I dump it in.  It's a large box, so about every 6 months I schedule a pick up from a donation site.

[OneStepAtATime]

For your husband, would it help his peace of mind if you were donating things or giving away stuff instead of outright tossing?   I usually donate or give away things. 

[regentrude]

I actually started asking myself this after I posted. Other than my three dogs, who do create an inordinate amount of hair on every surface, I really have no one to blame but myself, my own bad habits. I think my biggest problem is in the “maintenance phase†so to speak. I will clean a room, and then feel like “hooray, it’s done!†But the thing about housekeeping, and I guess why I hate it, is that it’s never done. You have to keep doing it over and over and over again. And I don’t seem to get motivated to do it again until it’s so messy that it is bothering me. So I fail at the keeping things clean part.

 

OK, let's clarify: are you talking about messy or dirty?

To get rid of dirty, yes, there's nothing to do than clean again and again.

But messy, to me, suggest clutter - and that is something you can prevent. Touch things once and put them away to where they live. Horizontal surfaces are clutter magnets; avoid using them to store anything.

 

 

Also, not to shift the blame, but my husband creates some issues too. He is super neat and organized, BUT he wants to keep everything forever. To a point that I think is ridiculous. Our linen closet, for example, is stuffed to the gills, because we have to keep the towels that have holes in them and the queen sized sheets even though there is no queen sized bed in this house anymore, because getting rid of things is a crime against the environment. We have argued about this endlessly. I’m not going to change his mind. What I’m going to have to do is toss stuff when he’s not home and can’t bring it back inside (yes, he has literally brought things back into the house after I put them in the garbage bin!!!!). He’s not messy, he doesn’t leave things lying around. It’s just that we have too much of everything! That makes every chore harder.

 

 

I hear you, that would drive me nuts, too. But if he has the items neatly packed away, how do they cause messiness in a room? 

 

I see three solutions:

1. throw away against his wishes, or better, donate

2. store more efficiently. Can you box up things and store them in the attic?

3. use up items like worn towels by using them as rags

Edited December 28, 2017 by regentrude

[amy58103]

I enjoy a clean/organized house, but I dislike doing the actual work.  There are just a million other things I'd rather do.  Here are some habbits I've developed that have helped me get things done and, more importantly, keep things from snowballing out of control ...

 

1. Dishes get cleaned every night before bed (we don't have a dishwasher).

2. Laundry gets folded and put away as soon as its taken out of the dryer.

3. Everyday, I set a timer for 20 mintues and clean/organize something.  I don't plan ahead what it will be, "something" is better than nothing.  Often times, I continue after the timer goes off, but knowing that I only have to do it for 20 mintues makes starting so much easier.

[Carol in Cal.]

Also, not to shift the blame, but my husband creates some issues too. He is super neat and organized, BUT he wants to keep everything forever. To a point that I think is ridiculous. Our linen closet, for example, is stuffed to the gills, because we have to keep the towels that have holes in them and the queen sized sheets even though there is no queen sized bed in this house anymore, because getting rid of things is a crime against the environment. We have argued about this endlessly.

OH!

 

I forgot one of my main principles:

STUFF GETS SPECIFIC SPACE BASED ON HOW IMPORTANT IT IS.

 

So, for instance, the shelves in the kitchen that I can reach are filled with things I use all the time--everyday dishes, and common cooking aids like mixing bowls, measuring cups, etc.  Higher shelves get things I only use from time to time, like my lovely little demitasse cups.  Stuff that is only used annually, like our Christmas cookie serving plates, is stored in the basement.

 

So, in your case, I'd argue for releasing the queen sized sheets for a needy family, and donate them appropriately to a charity that would pass them on for free.  The torn towels would be in a cardboard box in the garage.  The linen closet would be nicely organized and pretty.  Ideally.  

 

I would not get rid of things secretly, but I know a lot of people do that.  But I would get rid of things super fast once I had agreement, so that there could be no changing of minds, IYKWIM.  Also, just in general?  DH gives me a hard time for keeping things too long and having too much stuff.  Some of this is justified and some isn't.  But when I go to get rid of some thing *of mine*, he often objects and tries to talk me out of it.  This is a bit maddening.  So I mostly don't do that all that publicly.  I have no problem getting rid of something *of mine* behind his back.  Dang it.

Edited December 28, 2017 by Carol in Cal.

[HomeAgain]

One more thing - divide chores in your head by how much of a time/energy suck they are.  If I sweep the stairs daily, it takes me the same amount of time to sweep each time as if I slacked and did it weekly.  But if I wipe down the bathroom daily, it takes me much less time than if I let it build up for a week or two and then cleaned.  Therefore if I have to pick a chore to do daily to start me off, it will be the one that gives me a boon rather than just a use for my time.

[Carol in Cal.]

One more thing--when I work on the house, I do it FAST.

I cook fast.  I clean up fast.  I sort fast.  I put things away fast.  When I slow down, I STOP and take at least a 15 minute break.  

I hate doing all of this except cooking, and so if it takes a long time, it means I'm not in the zone and I won't be effective, which is a vicious cycle.

[regentrude]

One more thing--when I work on the house, I do it FAST.

I cook fast.  I clean up fast.  I sort fast.  I put things away fast.  When I slow down, I STOP and take at least a 15 minute break.  

I hate doing all of this except cooking, and so if it takes a long time, it means I'm not in the zone and I won't be effective, which is a vicious cycle.

 

Piggy backing on this: I found that it was really helpful to actually time myself cleaning the house. Turns out, it did not take all that long of focused work; it just seemed to take forever because of distractions. It was helpful to realized that in 2.5 hours I can clean the entire 1st floor and all three bathrooms.

 

Also, use time confetti wisely. After the timing experiment, I never again cleaned the house  in one marathon session. I rather use the odd chunks of 5-10 minutes here or there to fit in tasks. Wash dishes while coffee brews. Run laundry while I eat breakfast. Take out compost when I am putting on shoes and coat to go outside anyway. Swiff the living room while talking on the phone. I barely notice these tasks because they don't seem to actually take usable time out of my day.

[OneStepAtATime]

Love this thread. :)

[KungFuPanda]

It helps me to empty the dishwasher in the morning while my tea steeps and to make sure it’s empty before I cook. If it’s empty, nothing gets stacked on the counters as I cook or is left overnight. I just fill it and run it while we sleep.

 

It also helps to have regular company. If you host a standing event at your house, you probably won’t let it get too piled up to begin with because you’re making things presentable weekly.

 

Having older non-messy kids has been a huge help too.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

You're not alone. I'm just chiming in here so I can find this thread when I have time to come back and read it.

 

I will say that what usually helps me is getting rid of as much stuff as possible. It weighs me down horribly. It keeps creeping back though!

 

:lurk5:

[regentrude]

It also helps to have regular company. If you host a standing event at your house, you probably won’t let it get too piled up to begin with because you’re making things presentable weekly.

 

This.

We find that the regular holding of parties does wonders for the house.

[KungFuPanda]

Thank you all so much! I plan to re-read (and probably re-re-read) all of your replies to make sure it sinks in! So many great suggestions.

 

 

I actually started asking myself this after I posted. Other than my three dogs, who do create an inordinate amount of hair on every surface, I really have no one to blame but myself, my own bad habits. I think my biggest problem is in the “maintenance phase†so to speak. I will clean a room, and then feel like “hooray, it’s done!†But the thing about housekeeping, and I guess why I hate it, is that it’s never done. You have to keep doing it over and over and over again. And I don’t seem to get motivated to do it again until it’s so messy that it is bothering me. So I fail at the keeping things clean part.

 

Also, not to shift the blame, but my husband creates some issues too. He is super neat and organized, BUT he wants to keep everything forever. To a point that I think is ridiculous. Our linen closet, for example, is stuffed to the gills, because we have to keep the towels that have holes in them and the queen sized sheets even though there is no queen sized bed in this house anymore, because getting rid of things is a crime against the environment. We have argued about this endlessly. I’m not going to change his mind. What I’m going to have to do is toss stuff when he’s not home and can’t bring it back inside (yes, he has literally brought things back into the house after I put them in the garbage bin!!!!). He’s not messy, he doesn’t leave things lying around. It’s just that we have too much of everything! That makes every chore harder.

Is it not a crime against the environment to maintain square footage that serves only to store things you don’t use? Wouldn’t it be better if someone were USING those old linens? What’s the worst that will happen if something nobody uses just disappears? I’d dump the junk and ride out the inevitable moaning. It’s useless bedding, not a family heirloom.

[Wheres Toto]

I'm following this closely for ideas.   I'm a really bad housekeeper.  I found all the reminders from FlyLady annoying, I have A Slob Comes Clean bookmarked, I tried out the SHE plan (I think that's what it was called).   I'm just really really bad at sticking with it.  I end up doing major all day cleans when it finally gets unbearable.  Each time I may "fix" something so it's a little bit better but there's sooooo many problems that I never really get there.

 

I know my main issues:  kids, lack of space (no basement, no attic, no closets, no storage), too much stuff (dh resists getting rid of anything).  The lack of space leads to things being difficult to put away (too high up, having to move things to put other things away) which leads to not putting things away right away.    In addition to all the normal household stuff, I have a ton of science supplies for my 4-H club and my classes that have to stay mostly in the house.  I have a few things in our garage but it's detached, no climate controlled at all, and prone to rodents and bugs.  So, it's very limited what I can keep out there.

[Sarah CB]

I am definitely a work in progress, but I do feel I've come a long way in the last twenty years. I think what made the biggest impact was my short stint on Flyldady. Dh said it was the best three weeks of his life. Ha ha. 

 

I didn't stick with it exactly, but there were some routines that have stuck and I think that's been key. I make my bed the minute I get up in the morning. I don't leave my bedroom or bathroom until I've put away my pj's, make-up, and whatever else I might have out. 

 

Kitchen gets cleaned completely after every meal. I just don't leave the kitchen until it's done. This used to be hard for me to do, but now it's the opposite - I don't think I am capable of leaving a mess in the kitchen and going to sit down and relax somewhere. 

 

I am getting better with laundry. I make a big effort to actually put away laundry as soon as I take it out of the dryer. I still struggle with this (there is a pile of clean laundry on top of my dryer as we speak), but I'm getting better. 

 

I also found that a very concerted effort now and then (when I really felt like it) made an immediate difference and also had some kind of small lasting effect. Like when I read the Japanese decluttering book - my home is not perfectly decluttered, but I did pick up a few good habits from the time I spent working through the house after reading the book. 

 

I honestly think that every "system" I've tried (and failed) to implement has taught me something. So, even though there was no one thing that fixed everything, I am at the point now where things run pretty smoothly and my house is usually a relaxing place to be.

[KungFuPanda]

Here’s a tip it took me a while to learn. It’s better to do a quick, bad job than it is to put off a chore until you can “do it right.†It’s those quick, frequent passes that win you a tidy home most of the time as opposed to living in clutter and putting off the big dig out.

[Seasider]

I am also decluttering massively because if we don’t have it I don’t have to clean it, straighten it, store it, wash it, hang it, etc.

Amen!

[Greta]

OK, let's clarify: are you talking about messy or dirty?

To get rid of dirty, yes, there's nothing to do than clean again and again.

But messy, to me, suggest clutter - and that is something you can prevent. Touch things once and put them away to where they live. Horizontal surfaces are clutter magnets; avoid using them to store anything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Honestly, it's some of both, but the messiness is the bigger issue.  I guess as I'm thinking about it, I don't mind the cleaning part so much.  Like the actual *cleaning* of the bathroom sink and cabinet, don't mind that a bit.  It's that first I have to pick up and put away all the stuff that's been left scattered on the bathroom cabinet before I can get to the cleaning, that's what really irks me.  (I bought myself a nice countertop organizer for my makeup and storage bins under my sink for my deodorant, lotion, etc. so I've been doing a much better job on this particular issue, it's just an example.)  So, yes, I need to work on that "touch things ONCE" principle!

 

 

 

 

I hear you, that would drive me nuts, too. But if he has the items neatly packed away, how do they cause messiness in a room? 

 

I see three solutions:

1. throw away against his wishes, or better, donate

2. store more efficiently. Can you box up things and store them in the attic?

3. use up items like worn towels by using them as rags

 

 

It's kind of a chain reaction.  The linen closet is so full of old sheets and towels that we don't have room there to store all the blankets.  I have some quilts, for example, that are in very nice condition and were handmade by my grandmother which I want to keep.  So the quilts are (folded neatly) stacked on my bedroom dresser.  So the room looks more cluttered, and the dresser doesn't get dusted as often as it should.  (Again, this is just one example.  Multiply that by 100 other issues in my house, and you start to get the picture!)  

[Greta]

To address what several of you brought up, yes, I can usually get him to agree (not always!) to donation rather than trash.  I had not thought anyone would want our old towels and sheets, but I didn't consider animal shelters!  Thank you for that idea, HomeAgain!  (We do have a "rag bin" where I can put some of the old towels and clothes with holes in them.  But he insists that we wash and reuse and wash and reuse the rags, so they last forever, and that bin is overflowing!)

 

And again, I want to thank you all.  Every post here was so helpful and insightful!  I love you guys!   :D

Edited December 28, 2017 by Greta

[regentrude]

It's kind of a chain reaction.  The linen closet is so full of old sheets and towels that we don't have room there to store all the blankets.  I have some quilts, for example, that are in very nice condition and were handmade by my grandmother which I want to keep.  So the quilts are (folded neatly) stacked on my bedroom dresser.  So the room looks more cluttered, and the dresser doesn't get dusted as often as it should.  (Again, this is just one example.  Multiply that by 100 other issues in my house, and you start to get the picture!)  

 

Then I would suggest doing it the opposite way around:

allocate the prime storage space to the prime possessions first. Then fit less desired possessions into the lesser spaces. Anything that is left over and does not have a designated pace to go (and the top of a dresser does not count as actual storage) is too much and must get out of the house. You should not own more than you can comfortably store, but that works only if you fit in the big rocks" first (you know the analogy?)

[Greta]

Then I would suggest doing it the opposite way around:

allocate the prime storage space to the prime possessions first. Then fit less desired possessions into the lesser spaces. Anything that is left over and does not have a designated pace to go (and the top of a dresser does not count as actual storage) is too much and must get out of the house. You should not own more than you can comfortably store, but that works only if you fit in the big rocks" first (you know the analogy?)

 

 

Yes, that makes sense, and seems obvious now that you've said it to me.   :blush:

[ktgrok]

I am also decluttering massively because if we don’t have it I don’t have to clean it, straighten it, store it, wash it, hang it, etc.

Amen!!!

[Hoggirl]

Clutter isn't my challenge - cleaning is. I hate it. I'm terrible at it. Having to do it puts me in a bad mood. I think decluttering/purging/organizing is fun. I think cleaning house is torture.

 

I definitely think keeping things tidy and orderly is a different skill set than actual housework. While being decluttered makes housework easier, I still don't like it.

[PrairieSong]

I'm naturally messy. Here are some things that have helped me.

 

Thinking about why I want to have a cleaner, tidier home. I don't do it because I love cleaning bathrooms or because I want to have magazine worthy rooms but because I love my family and want us to have a warm, welcoming home, a place where we can relax and where we can invite friends without feeling completely embarrassed. I know, so obvious, but it helps me to remind myself of the WHYS when doing mundane stuff.

 

Thinking about what has stopped me from accomplishing this. Do I not have good habits? Do we not put things away after using them? Do we have too much stuff? Too little storage? When I know what the problems are, then I can make a plan. And if one doesn't work, try something else. I've read all the books and web sites: Flylady, KonMari, etc. I don't think any one way works for everyone but I do think most of our problems are having too much stuff, and not putting things away where they belong. Or maybe not having assigned homes for stuff in the first place.

 

My bullet journal. I love it for keeping track of stuff I have to do. You could use any kind of planner, a spiral notebook, or a digital system.

 

Oops...I hit send accidentally. Anyway, I hope something here has been helpful. I really do benefit from thinking it through first, the whys and hows. Good luck!

Edited December 29, 2017 by PrairieSong

[Lecka]

Could you be logical with your husband?  I think you could make a good argument that by requiring less storage space you are doing something good for the environment, and not needing to heat or cool your house as much.  But for this to work you need your belongings to fit.  Or maybe you can do something else environmental to make up for it. 

[PeppermintPattie]

I'm not so good with housework either, but the two things that help me the most are to have company regularly and to listen to audiobooks from the library or podcasts while I clean. Having something interesting to think about while cleaning actually makes it a fun event.

[Katy]

Flylady helps to develop new routines and habits.

 

I think the biggest thing is realizing you cannot clean clutter.  So give everything a home.  Keep horizontal spaces clear, and put stuff away.  Use a one-touch rule to try and minimize dealing with things - throw junk mail directly into your shredder or recycle bin, for example.

 

And get rid of or find a good place to store the extra junk you don't need and rarely use.

[PrairieSong]

I'm not so good with housework either, but the two things that help me the most are to have company regularly and to listen to audiobooks from the library or podcasts while I clean. Having something interesting to think about while cleaning actually makes it a fun event.

I do this, too!

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Night Elf]

FWIW, the thrift store I volunteer at sells old linens, clothes, towels, any cloth like materials that cannot be put out on the floor. They call it poundage and I don't know where they sell it but they make money from nearly everything that gets donated regardless of condition. I haven't been there long but I haven't seen any materials thrown away. I don't know about other donations like shoes, appliances, knick knacks, dishes, etc.

 

My vet accepts towels but I don't know about sheets. 

[Carrie12345]

The furthest I’ve gotten (mostly) under control is my early morning routine.

 

-Start coffee pot

-Clean litter box

-Toss in a load of laundry

-Tidy up whatever small kitchen messes the kids overlooked the night before

 

I really need to build on that!

[displace]

Check out: A Slob Comes Clean

 

She has a website and podcasts and has honestly changed my life when it comes to cleaning my house, keeping it clean and the feelings I have with all of it.

This!

 

Not to knock flylady, but she’s way too complex for me. Some people need more support. A slob comes clean starts with super simple- do the dishes daily. If you already do that, you can do the next step- daily 5 minute pick up (or whatever she recommends next). Her book walks you through getting started. After getting started, you work into routines prevention by decluttering, etc.

[Soror]

I'm more type A so these thoughts may or may not be any help.

 

When I got married it took me a bit to figure out how to keep house, although I cleaned houses and offices before then it is a different job to keep up with things. Doing Motivated Moms was a turning point for me. I don't think that particular system is the only way but rather finding a system that works for you. It got me in the habit of routines. What are the things that need to be done every day, every week, month, season, and year??? 

 

Also, although I'm fairly minimalist to begin with a did a crash course Kon Mari of the house in a week a couple of years back and that has streamlined things more.

 

Getting sick drove home prioritization and having the kids help. You must prioritize because you can do more in some seasons than other rather that is because of busyness, energy, etc. So, I clean my house in layers- first you keep up with the basics that you need every day- food (and dishes to eat and cook) and clothes and go out from there. 

 

So, make sure you have down your basic routine and then add to it.Sneak in time here and there to deep clean something once you have the basics down.

 

While we school we just keep up with stuff (unless I'm really feeling spunky), we do deep cleaning and projects on breaks. 

 

Lastly, a tip I read in a book about ADHD (to help my son), you just need the least complicated system that works. So, look through the various things out there and pick the one that appeals to you or use the ideas to make your own system. Then find a method of accountability- whether it is a thread here, a daily checklist(paper or digital), or checking in with a friend. 

 

Oh, and one of my life mottos- "Don't let the Perfect be the Enemy of the Good." 

 

If this is not something you are inclined to do it will take a bit to find your groove.

Edited December 29, 2017 by soror

[importswim]

Thank you for this thread. As I sit around stacks of paper and things that I KNOW need to get done but I just don't want to, this is a thread that I need and want to read. My house mess directly correlates with how my day goes (IE: tidy house - happiness and less weight; cluttered house - gloominess/depression) but I just can't seem to get it together.

 

I think I have un-diagnosed adult ADD and perfectionism which can play a role in keeping things tidy. I start things well and with gusto but have a finishing well problem.

 

ETA: My DH is a saint. He is a very nice type-A person who just gets on and does things so our house is not messy all of the time. He works out of state, though, so it's often left to me and that's when things fall apart!

Edited December 29, 2017 by importswim