When Christmas disappoints (a vent)

[Sneezyone]

DH is usually a pretty good gift-giver but I have to tell ya, next year, I'd give him a list and make it clear that he could choose anything on it and nothing outside it. The best Christmases I've had are when I CLEARLY spell out what I want and give DH a list complete with pictures, price-ranges, and locations where he can purchase the items(s) in person and online via links. I put multiple things on the list so he can select whatever price point he wants and I still get to be surprised by the items he chooses.

Edited December 28, 2017 by Sneezyone

[GoodGrief]

The gift giving holidays are super stressful, especially when we are talking about exchanging among family members who already share resources. I guess it's different if you are a creative group and can make something special or useful. I know that is not the case in our family.

 

We just focus on the kids here. It seems to work best in our situation. Now that two are young adults, they get a bit of cash. My dad actually still gives me cash too, at 50 years old, which is funny I suppose! But I like getting it. I do send him a token every year, knowing that he probably doesn't care to get the stuff usually. This year it was copies of photos from my daughter's wedding, a couple of them in frames.

 

My 14 yo gave me a four page list with photos and links, lol. I typically hate lists because it seems so gift grabby, but now that I'm old and getting to burnout stage, and just take a deep breath and start clicking on links. :lol:

[freeindeed]

:grouphug:

[Jaybee]

I’d declare the hippo your Christmas Hippo and pack it away with the decorations. Then, bring it out each year and put lights on it or a wreath around it’s neck. :-)

 

What a fun idea! And then it becomes a much-loved Christmas tradition without your having to figure out what to do with it the whole rest of the year. You might even start to look at it affectionately if you aren't forced to do so all year long!

[frogger]

The gift giving holidays are super stressful, especially when we are talking about exchanging among family members who already share resources. I guess it's different if you are a creative group and can make something special or useful. I know that is not the case in our family.

 

We just focus on the kids here. It seems to work best in our situation. Now that two are young adults, they get a bit of cash. My dad actually still gives me cash too, at 50 years old, which is funny I suppose! But I like getting it. I do send him a token every year, knowing that he probably doesn't care to get the stuff usually. This year it was copies of photos from my daughter's wedding, a couple of them in frames.

 

My 14 yo gave me a four page list with photos and links, lol. I typically hate lists because it seems so gift grabby, but now that I'm old and getting to burnout stage, and just take a deep breath and start clicking on links. :lol:

 

I have a hard time with it too. If it's expected, it's not a surprise. A list does feel awkward to me. If it's an exchange, is it really a gift? If its an obligation, is it a gift? If there is a feeling of having to reciprocate, is it really a gift? I wish there were no holidays associated with gifts. A wish all gifts could be freely given and recieved without strings attached.

 

Sometimes I see someone needs something and I get all excited and buy it. My mom was super happy when I bought her a Cuisenart food processor. My mother's side of the family never exchanges gifts. I never expected anything in return. It was not associated with a holiday. It was simply, a gift. It was also more than I could spend if I had to buy all 6 of my parents gifts every single Christmas and make them cost similar amounts or there would be hurt feelings. Ugh.

[plansrme]

I'm going to suggest that your best bet may be to properly train your kids to be better gift givers.  Gift-giving is an acquired skill.  My husband has gotten better about it over the years, especially since my 17 yo has been old enough to take over help him.  She is a great gift-giver, and I take a good bit of the credit for that.  She and I talk through gift options regularly, whether for family members or her friends, and she's gotten good at it.  

 

Sorry, though--that's all I can offer.  I completely understand where you're coming from; it's that no one is listening, no one is taking the time.  I am sure your family doesn't mean it like that, but you feel the way you feel.  There's nothing wrong with your perception; there is quite likely something wrong with their lack of effort.  Nobody gets it right every time, but really--they can try harder.

[Sneezyone]

I have a hard time with it too. If it's expected, it's not a surprise. A list does feel awkward to me. If it's an exchange, is it really a gift? If its an obligation, is it a gift? If there is a feeling of having to reciprocate, is it really a gift? I wish there were no holidays associated with gifts. A wish all gifts could be freely given and recieved without strings attached.

 

Sometimes I see someone needs something and I get all excited and buy it. My mom was super happy when I bought her a Cuisenart food processor. My mother's side of the family never exchanges gifts. I never expected anything in return. It was not associated with a holiday. It was simply, a gift. It was also more than I could spend if I had to buy all 6 of my parents gifts every single Christmas and make them cost similar amounts or there would be hurt feelings. Ugh.

 

Lists needn't be associated exclusively with Christmas. A running tally during the year will provide all manner of knick knacks that will still be surprises.  Half the things I say I want I forget about a month later but that could be me. For the truly gift-challenged, you either resign yourself to disappointment, expect nothing at all, or get very specific and clear. To me, it would be like expecting the gift of fantastic sex without clearly specifying my expectations/needs, which change on a regular basis. Spouses needn't be mind-readers. Sometimes being thoughtful means just following instructions for a change and listening to what your partner prefers.

[Sandwalker]

The worst part of Christmas is the whole gift thing.

[mamaraby]

Sometimes being thoughtful means just following instructions for a change and listening to what your partner prefers.

Which in turn shows that you love and value the other person as a real and genuine person with all of the needs and wants that people possess. Also, to me, that shows that the gift is about the recipient and not about the giver.

 

Sorry, OP, that sounds disappointing!

[happi duck]

Yes, this is why I don't care about gifts. DH is thoughtful every day and goes out of his way to make my life easier and better. No gift under the tree is important to me when I have this gift every day.

Sounds like "acts of service" is your Love Language. Those of us with the Love Language of "gifts" are not greedy or unappreciative of service. We're wired for concrete expressions of love.

 

When DH does a task to make my life easier it is nice but doesn't speak love to me. It really doesn't. If he writes me a love note or gives me a thoughtful gift that immediately speaks love to me.

 

We are all wired differently.

 

.

Edited December 28, 2017 by happi duck

[Renthead Mommy]

My 14 yo gave me a four page list with photos and links, lol. I typically hate lists because it seems so gift grabby, but now that I'm old and getting to burnout stage, and just take a deep breath and start clicking on links. :lol:

My 15yo gave me a list of literally pieces and parts, wires and attachments. Most of which was less than $12 each. All for video games, camera, phone and computer. I still don’t know what most of it is for as he sat there holding it and explaining it to me. So not only thank god for lists, but in this case, links as well!

[Aura]

I would be disappointed, too!  :grouphug:

 

I second (third?) the idea to use the hippo as part of your Christmas decorations! We have an Easter bunny that gets packed away each year. It could be a fun tradition of having him around for the holidays, and it might teach your kids to consider space before actually buying something in the future.

 

Getting you food stuff was not just a bad idea, IMO, it's plain inconsiderate. But I understand not wanting to crush your dh. I would try to be happy and cheerful about the other items. Make it a fun thing to find something to do with the giant hippo (maybe we could start another thread: 101 Places to Put a Giant Hippo in Your House :lol: ), use your Paperwhite at night to read books on instead of the Fire, or whatever... BUT I would return all the food stuff and replace with whatever I wanted. And I would very frankly tell dh that getting you food stuff when you're dealing with an eating disorder was decidedly unappreciated.

[hjffkj]

Every year we take the kids to the Dollar store so they can get gifts for each other and us if they want. One year I got glow sticks and a cleaning product. My response to the kids was to show how much I loved my gifts. Later to dh, I told him he needed to help the kids pick gifts. So for example, when he saw them pick up the glow sticks have a discussion how they are buying for mom, not themselves. And to think if she would actually appreciate glow sticks. And in regards to the cleaning product explain that while mom does most of the cleaning that is not something she enjoys and hence wouldn't appreciate being seen as valuing cleaning products. Next year they did better.

 

If your dh isn't the type of person to understand that then it falls on your shoulders to teach the kids that. So in the future if I were you I'd take them shopping for you as a way to teach them how to think of the person they are buying for.

[Guest]

No judgement from me, either. My dh is not a great gift-giver. My mother is pretty terrible at it, too. Things have gotten a lot better for me now that my kids are old enough to form a good idea of what I like. All of my kids chose very well this year (except for a Fitbit band that does not fit my type of Fitbit).

 

I have been thinking a lot about the post that Garga put up recently, in which she described how she makes her wish list throughout the year and then buys her things herself with saved Christmas money. It’s a really good idea and one I am thinking of implementing in a form.

[PrincessMommy]

not awful at all.  I completely get it.  I keep a wish list on Amazon. I told dh several times that I really wanted several things from it.  He also decided to go rouge.  So I got refrigerator magnets instead.  :huh:   Yeah, they're pretty and all... but so not anything like what I had on my list.

 

This happens every year.  He also likes to talk about how he drops hints so we know what he wants... but when I do the same I get: "I don't like buying from a list."   :001_rolleyes:

[Dmmetler]

To me, THIS is the actual purpose of the gift card. I would have done something like buying a foil baking pan and an auto zone or advance auto gift card, with a note that explains that since I don't know what the specifics are, he's a pan and the ability to pick the right one lol.

I do token gifts like that a lot. DH likes to watch TV in the guest room upstairs (and sometimes ends up falling asleep there) so he doesn’t keep me or DD up, and the TV has been kind of iffy lately. So, I wrapped a dollhouse sized TV (from DD’s old toys in the attic) and a note suggesting that it might grow-basically, permission to spend some of our money on a TV, because I know he is unlikely to do so without that permission and “occasionâ€-but I also know that he really likes to compare specs and pick out the “best†as opposed to buying whatever Target had on sale online on Black Friday.

[frogger]

Spouses needn't be mind-readers. Sometimes being thoughtful means just following instructions for a change and listening to what your partner prefers.

I so agree with this. That's really what it's all about. That is why, though I dislike gifts in general I will try to make them happen for him next year.

 

 

 

 

Although I have to add that my poor husband would always see only emergency savings fund on the list. Maybe if he gave me the amount he would have spent on a different gift to put in my own little account we would get somewhere. I don't think that would make him happy though. I think he cares more about buying me a gift then getting one. Humans are funny.

[maize]

It is hard when a spouse doesn't grasp how to meet your love language needs.

 

Gifts are not a significant love language to me so I can't say I understand your experience on a personal level but I do have a love language that my husband doesn't share and I know exactly how it feels to have that particular bucket always empty. I can imagine this feels similar to you.

 

:grouphug:

 

(I can't recall ever receiving a Christmas or birthday gift from dh, so it is probably a very good thing that those don't matter much to me)

[scholastica]

I’m so sorry! You are not being awful.

 

I do have to say that I have giggled a bit at the visual of all these middle-aged men going rogue like in a spy movie. I keep picturing them shopping furtively and looking over their shoulders for their enemies and superiors.

[BarbecueMom]

All I asked Dh for was a new heating pad because mine died a couple of months ago. I have some minor medical issues that a heating pad helps with. I usually use one daily. He forgot to get it. Or didn't think I was serious? I said something about it Christmas Eve and he got a panicked look on his face. I bought one for myself the day after Christmas. He is a good man, and I typically don't care about gifts. I love giving gifts to the kids, but I don't really care about getting anything in particular. I was disappointed that he didn't get me anything this year, especially since I asked for something in particular.

 

My heating pad bit the dust recently, but there's no way I would have asked for that as a gift.  I've learned not to ask for anything as a gift that I need and would buy myself without hesitation.  It sets up DH (and anyone else trying to buy me a gift) for failure.  The 2-3 days it takes Amazon to ship a new heating pad were bad enough (but it's huge and soft and so worth it).

 

And if I bought one and someone bought me another one?  More the merrier!  You can never have too many heating pads.

[Zinnia]

My dh did an awful job last year. Awful. Dollar store candy from my 4 kids to me. A promised present he didn't follow through with and actually procure for me.

 

This year? In September, I made a joke about last years fail. I wasn't upset, because time had passed, and he wasn't sensitive, because time, but I let it be known that he had failed and needed to do better.

 

This year was 1000 percent improved.

[Rosika]

:grouphug: What helped me was when my kids got old enough to direct their dad to my wants, and to clue him in to what might be a good surprise for me. 

 

I tell you what, I have one son who is a giant pain in my rear. He is the "hardest button to button" and just a huge challenge to raise. But he has the biggest heart, is extremely empathetic, and is gifted with intuition. From an early age, and after a disastrous exchange one year in which I let my hormones speak my mind rather than holding my tongue in gratitude for any gift at all, his dad was running gift ideas through him for approval and opinions.

 

I'm a practical person, but I do love a surprise (especially one I wouldn't splurge on myself.) This son is now 17 and still the go-to for "what to get Mama" :) Your kids look about a good age to start sharing ideas with, and hoping (or directing them to!) they share with Dad - will that help next year?

 

 

[Bluegoat]

I think there is a kind of imaginative element with gifts that some people can't seem to meet.  THat's why so many people seem to give a gift that is essentially something the person already has, or a book about their hobby, to a mug with their dog on it.  

 

I think that those people will always struggle with turning what they know about the person into some great idea for an appreciated and yet unexpected gift.  And it's actually quite a lot of people that are like that.  

 

And then many people strongly feel that getting a gift off of a list is somehow a failure.  

 

When these two groups are represented in one individual, you have a problem.  

 

I think if my dh were like that I'd suggest some other arrangement.  My dh isn't bad at choosing, for the most part.  But I'd actually like to be able to do things like say "lets not get gifts for each other and get a new kitchen floor instead".  Because I would often much prefer a kitchen floor, or repairing the chimney that worries me, or something like that.  He's never go for that in a million years.

[Baseball mom]

Nope not awful at all.

Dh is pretty much like that.

 

For years I would buy my own gift, hand it to dh. He would show dc what they got mommy. Then I would get to wrap it.

 

Then dc got older and I would tell dh exactly what I wanted. He would take the dc shopping. Some years that worked others he "forgot" .

 

A few years ago ds started really paying attention if I looked at something in the store and mentioned I liked it that is what I got for Christmas. Some years I got stuff I accidentally mentioned. Other years I made big deals out of certain items

Lol

 

I am glad ds pays attention but I wish dh would pay attention. Dh doesn't have a clue to anything I like.

[Elizabeth86]

I kind of know what you mean.  I almost die when my dh (which he rarely does) buys something romantic or not practical.  I HATE things like flowers or jewelry.  I like things like kitchen gadgets, pots and pans, clothing, sheets, pillows, curtain, whatever.

[Baseball mom]

And whoever mentioned liking Jergens original scent. That is my favorite lotion.

In laws use to ask what I wanted. I would say a big bottle or 2 of that. Never fails they would buy me some small bottle of more expensive smelly lotion. Some smell that always set my allergies off. They couldn't understand how I wanted some plain old lotion.

Edited December 29, 2017 by Baseball mom

[dirty ethel rackham]

I'm sorry that happened to you.  It could be worse.  You could have gotten a Chia Pet.  My dear brother used to take his kids out Christmas Eve to shop for a present for their mom.  He gave them a set dollar amount and let them pick whatever they wanted to get her.  One year she got not one, but two Chia Pets.  Lovely.  

[J-rap]

Some people are definitely not gift-givers!  My parents still don't know what to give me!  My father has given me beautiful recipe books for years about cookies, scones, desserts, etc., and I hate baking!!  How does he not know that by now?  :)  But he really is a lovely man and he does know me well in other areas.  My mother gives me colorful pajamas with big flowers on them.  How does she not know that's not my style?  I really don't get it, but oh well.

 

My dh doesn't like giving gifts at all.  He's very anti-gift, but for reasons I respect.  

 

Maybe you can give him a specific list to choose from?  I don't know what I'd do with a jumbo hippo...

 

 

[rutamattatt]

:grouphug:

 

Totally get it.  So sorry it was a disappointing gift year.  

 

My love language is gifts.  My DH and I come from two VERY different backgrounds when it comes to gift giving theory and etiquette.  It's been...a journey.

 

I have had some "hippo holidays" and they hurt the heart a little.  

[hopskipjump]

I love the "idea" of gifts - but hate Christmas gift buying and giving. So stressful. I prefer to just see something someone needs or wants, buy it, gift it to them on whatever-old-day it happens to be, and ride off merrily into the sunset! So Much Easier!! 

 

The in-laws are the worst. MIL insists on a list each and every year. With details. I include prices, where to buy, links to purchase, colors preferred, sizes needed, etc. ALL THE INFORMATION ONE COULD POSSIBLY NEED. Not because I had the "Free" hours to spend doing this - but because she nag, nag, nags about it until I finally send the darn thing. And I HATE making the list because it feels so gift-grabby. Blech.

 

This year, they said they'd bought dh this awesome camping backpack he's longed for all year. I'd sent the exact specs for the exact pack he needed - exactly as requested.

 

DH opens it up, comments on its enormity, and FIL pipes up (proudly), "YEAH! This is the biggest one they make! Now you can fit anything you could possibly need into this bad boy!"

 

OMG. The description on the website explains that this pack is pretty much for extreme backpackers who are hiking and living off the land for weeks at a time. NOT day-hikers, like dh and ds, who haul the heavy stuff in our van, and then just haul the essentials when they go to climb and hike. DH and DS spent many hours visiting stores, talking to lots of peers to choose out the exact right type of backpack they wanted. The smaller one works in conjunction with other bags they already own and want to continue using - not a honking, incredibly heavy, one-bag-to-carry-it-all setup.

 

So, now dh has an enormous $250 useless backpack and I have to try to figure out if it's even possible to exchange without a receipt. UGH.

 

Whyyyyy couldn't they just have stuck to the lissssst? Why even ask for a list at alllll??? Harrumph.

 

(MY list to the in-laws contains things like printer ink cartridges and random pieces of Fiesta Ware. I think they're 90% of why I still HAVE Fiesta Ware - it's an easily findable thing to put on the list!)

 

 

Edited December 29, 2017 by hopskipjump

[eternalsummer]

I admit that I am terrible at gift-giving.  I'm good at it for people who collect things or who just like anything sort of fru-fru (fancy bath products or decorative thisses and thats or whatever), but I am not good at it for DH.  He doesn't collect things, he doesn't like extra things hanging around, and when he wants something useful he just buys it.  So this year he requested warm wool gloves to go under his waterproof ones - great, got some 100% alpaca ones, very soft, all is well.  But I don't like to get just what is on the list (and he likes people to think of a surprise for him), so I had to get something else.  Last year he bought a couple of nice amethysts so I went to the local rock shop and got locally mined crystals - a gray one and a blue one and a gold ore rock thing (which is very pretty, I thought).   He was monstrously offended - his impression, via the gray crystal, was that I'd gotten him coal.  For him, there is a huge difference between locally mined smallish crystals of various sorts and one or two particular larger amethysts - so much of a difference that the latter is something he likes and the former is something he gave to DS9.

 

He was upset that I hadn't found something he did want (other than what he had said he wanted) and I was upset that I hadn't found something he did want (other than what he said he wanted), but I really wasn't being unthoughtful or casual about it - I just misinterpreted his likes, I guess.  I fail in this manner almost every year, but so does everyone else so at least it isn't just me :)  

 

All this to say, maybe your DH was really trying as well as he knew how, but just failed miserably for some reason, like many of us not-good-gift-givers do.  

 

The hippo is pretty funny, though :)

[Prairie~Phlox]

I get it! Some men just do not have the gift of gift giving. Dh & I both got ipads because it’s what “he†wanted. Is it nice, yes, but not something I absolutely wanted, then when he “planned†to do more shopping on Christmas eve it snowed & he didn’t bother or even order me anything last minute, yet I got him other gifts.

His idea of a valentines for gift is going out to eat. 😜

[Ausmumof3]

I’d declare the hippo your Christmas Hippo and pack it away with the decorations. Then, bring it out each year and put lights on it or a wreath around it’s neck. :-)

Genius!!!

[lmrich]

When it is the thought that counts and there was no thought put it into it... just hurts a bit. 

 

Sorry to all. I like to find a good gift. I know my dh does not care at all. 

[kroe1]

Sorry, I did not read the other posts. My DH is the same. But, somehow we have to get through 50 or so Christmas’s together, 50 birthdays, etc. Therefore, early on in the marriage I laughingly told him he sucked at gifts and never to buy me another one. From then on, I bought my own Christmas and birthday gifts. Problem solved except for the surprise.

 

This year DH thought he would get clever again and try to buy me something. He bought me an electric blanket for my RV. Only I do not have enough power to run it when I am dry camping. Ha. I reminded him that he is banned from buying me presents and I pulled out the adorable Dooney and Bourke bag that “he also gave meâ€. Wink.

 

Now all is fair, right? I equally screw up his gifts. It is always the wrong color, the wrong size, or just plain wrong. But, he doesn’t ever really know what he wants anyway. So now, I just tell him in advance what I am going to get. That saves me from having to return stuff.

[Pippen]

I'm sorry that happened to you.  It could be worse.  You could have gotten a Chia Pet.  My dear brother used to take his kids out Christmas Eve to shop for a present for their mom.  He gave them a set dollar amount and let them pick whatever they wanted to get her.  One year she got not one, but two Chia Pets.  Lovely.  

 

I got a Chia pet once from an aunt, and I thought it was a pretty good gift. I always appreciate something on the absurd side, especially something along these lines which I don't feel obligated to hold on to forever. 

[vonfirmath]

That sounds rough.  I've managed to get over putting any importance into gifts because... my DH simply doesn't get me anything.  I take the money he could have spent and buy something I want.  Sometimes I wrap it up because I don't want the kids to think it's weird that I don't have any non-kid-made presents.  Obv we have a weird marriage dynamic...

 

I think it would be fair for you to say, in a very kind way, that food gifts are not appreciated.  You're so happy he thought to pick out your faves, blah, blah, blah, but you really need his support in your treatment and better stocking stuffers would by products x, y, and z, which you use often and are therefore sure to please.  

 

Find a way to keep the hippo... maybe it can rotate between kids' bedrooms on a schedule?  That's just kids being kids.  :-)

 

Agreed. I go shopping with my kids to get their sibling's presents... and they are VERY hard to steer. To the point I'll mention but ultimately let them make the decision. It's not my gift to give but theirs.

[vonfirmath]

 

He really does try. I know it might sound like he doesn't, but he does. He thought he'd done really well. The Kindle he picked out because he'd heard me say that next time I will get a Paperwhite, not a Fire. I really don't use the tablet features of the Fire. I didn't mean I wanted it now. My Fire works great. It's a waste to replace it. He tries to listen but he often misinterprets what I say. He knows I like to be surprised, so he goes off-list. But really I'd rather he didn't. (Or rather, I wish he could surprise me well, but clearly that's not happening!) He's the only one with the Pinterest link so I often pin things there that I don't put on the main list, which he knows.

 

 

In this case I'd use the Paperwhite he got you. You do not HAVE to wait for something to break to replace it. And if you do, it may not be a "Gift giving occasion"

 

I often thought (with my old cheap Kindle) "When this one breaks, I'll replace it with a backlight version instead" BUT... it just kept working. For three years it kept on working! FInally I decided "Why wait for an uncertain future?" And used Christmas money to get myself the Kindle Voyage (I prefer the tactile feedback of the buttons) And I've used that -- for two years now.  Be appreciative he wants you to have what you really want NOW and pass on the Fire to someone else. It's worth it!

 

[Garga]

 

 

I told him I wanted the exact same ones and that he could take dd and she would help him pick something else out of they didn't have anymore. I wanted them for function but also because they were pretty and I liked the splash of color. They were on sale and we always have Kohl's coupons.

 

On Christmas I opened the ugliest black silicone oven mitts and black kitchen towels. I really was disappointed and upset. He thinks he got me exactly what I wanted and is pleased with himself.

 

 

I think it’s a holdover from childhood. Like when you tell a child, “Don’t jump in that puddle in your good shoes!†And they immediately jump. It’s like they only hear “Jump in that puddle!â€

 

I told my dh to get me a PLAIN mouse pad so that I could position it a certain way and the picture wouldn’t be sideways. I have a skinny area to place the mousepad and they’re slightly wider than longer, and so I had to have any pictures on the mouse pad facing sideways and that was something that irked me. But a plain one would be awesome.

 

He went out with the kids and they picked out one with a kitten on it and I have to position it sideways. He said, “We got you just what you wanted with the picture and everything!†I thought at first he was making a joke and stared really hard at him, trying to read him. I realized that even though I had shown him what I wanted (I walked him to my desk to show him) and told him what I wanted (“Plainâ€) and wrote down what I wanted on paper, he took all that to mean the opposite.

 

I still use the mouse pad and I’m ok with it, but it’s strange how sometimes people hear exactly the opposite of what you say.

[Garga]

I got a Chia pet once from an aunt, and I thought it was a pretty good gift. I always appreciate something on the absurd side, especially something along these lines which I don't feel obligated to hold on to forever.

 

Someone gave me a chia pet one year. I loved it! We’re all so different from each other. You do have to know who you’re buying for, don’t you.

 

I make gift giving as easy as I can—I buy almost all of my own stuff and have lists and links if someone asks what I want. I’ve gotten some bizarre gifts over the years and some real winners. That’s why I mostly get my own stuff now “from dhâ€, with a list for in-laws and parents.

[Kassia]

Someone gave me a chia pet one year. I loved it! We’re all so different from each other. You do have to know who you’re buying for, don’t you.

 

I make gift giving as easy as I can—I buy almost all of my own stuff and have lists and links if someone asks what I want. I’ve gotten some bizarre gifts over the years and some real winners. That’s why I mostly get my own stuff now “from dhâ€, with a list for in-laws and parents.

 

I received a chia pet one year, too, and was surprised at how much I enjoyed it!  

 

I buy gifts for myself from DH.  My sons are adults and they do buy for me, but they don't have to and I don't expect it.  My dd always makes me gifts and they are so thoughtful and I am always so touched by the time she spends making them.  But, really, having my family together at Christmas is the best gift of all.

Edited December 29, 2017 by Kassia

[importswim]

What a fun idea! And then it becomes a much-loved Christmas tradition without your having to figure out what to do with it the whole rest of the year. You might even start to look at it affectionately if you aren't forced to do so all year long!

 

New Christmas tradition when opening the box each year: "OH.... I want a hippopotamus for Christmas! Only a purple hippopotamus will do..."

 

I'd dig it. :lol:

[Tsuga]

I am horrible at gifts and it makes me sad to hear let down you were. That's what I hate about Christmas, all the pressure. I agree that a list with links would be super helpful.

 

That said, I am thrilled to see that adults giving each other gifts is not universal. I was not raised like that and I feel like I am letting my partner down!

[readinmom]

You're not awful at all.  We think we put enough hints out there, but...

 

I told dh and dc about the alcohol inks I wanted.  I got a marker set from dh (think Michael's adult coloring set).  He was so proud, I didn't have the heart...

[maize]

I am horrible at gifts and it makes me sad to hear let down you were. That's what I hate about Christmas, all the pressure. I agree that a list with links would be super helpful.

 

That said, I am thrilled to see that adults giving each other gifts is not universal. I was not raised like that and I feel like I am letting my partner down!

Definitely not universal. My parents didn't give each other gifts; Dh and I don't really exchange gifts. I usually get something for him because I want to, he wouldn't mind if I didn't. He doesn't buy gifts for me but I get what I want for myself :)

 

My MIL was a great gift giver, I never did reciprocate and never felt like that was expected.

Edited December 30, 2017 by maize

[dancingmama]

I guess I'll be the dissenting voice. I understand the feeling of being disappointed, however it seems like your husband did try. You read all the time on your kindle, so he got you an upgrade! That seems thoughtful to me. Perhaps extravagant to you since you already have a working kindle however, it's Xmas! Aren't your loved ones supposed to get you something you wouldn't get yourself? As for the hippo, it came from your child's heart. I'd cherish the hippo. It is thoughtful. Your kids heard you love that song and in their hearts they got you what you wanted, a hippo. Isn't that what the song is all about? The food is a no-no but most people who don't have eating disorders don't get it. I'd try and explain, maybe bring him to a therapy session, and forgive. I know it's not perfect but I do think it is thoughtful. In his eyes, the list is for family. He sounds like he's trying to indulge you. Perhaps your list is a little too practical? Maybe add some things to your list that you'd never get for yourself, that would pamper you, or maybe just realize he's going to not go off the list because he wants to give you something special.

[Renthead Mommy]

 

 

 

 

 

DH opens it up, comments on its enormity, and FIL pipes up (proudly), "YEAH! This is the biggest one they make! Now you can fit anything you could possibly need into this bad boy!"

 

This is my FIL. Perfect example, I wanted a less than $20 birdfeeder. Specifically one that hung from a branch. But that also kept the price down. Christmas eve Iopen up a huge wooden feeder. FIL tells me this is much better. Well yes it costs more. But there is no way to hang it, it will require some sort of pole mount, which would need to be stuck in the ground, right in the way in our tiny yard. He “just could not get me that cheap little thing I wanted! This is so much better.â€

 

The funny thing is, it s all about him. The reason it mattered was because other people were there to see him give us something great. If no ne else is there to see what he is giving we just get a gift card somewhere. If somebody will be there to see it opened, it is always more/bigger/better than what we asked for. Can’t have people thinking you are cheap or something I guess.

 

The birdfeeder year we were at bil’s for christmas eve. He insisted we open everything from him that night in front of everyone. I kept saying but you are spending the night at our house! You will be with us tomorrow on christmas day. Did not matter. Other people seeing us open what he got us was more important than enjoying christmas morning with his grandson.

[Elizabeth86]

Definitely not universal. My parents didn't give each other gifts; Dh and I don't really exchange gifts. I usually get something for him because I want to, he wouldn't mind if I didn't. He doesn't buy gifts for me but I get what I want for myself :)

 

My MIL was a great gift giver, I never did reciprocate and never felt like that was expected.

This is us too. Some years we get stuff sometimes not. Basically, unless we know the perfect thing we just go with no gifts. We are too practical to get something because we need too. The kids are just so fun at this age we get more out of giving to them than getting. This year I was able to get dh a Keurig coffee maker that he had been wanting for a long time, but I got it for $25 so it was no big deal and I got nothing this year. Sometimes he gets me something and I get him nothing. Plus there is no room in our house for stuff unless we use it.

[Sandwalker]

I have to stop opening this thread because the Purple Hippopotamus for Christmas song is now stuck in my head again...