poppy Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 She has 3 families coming to have her food and exchange gifts. All the families have kids under 10. I wish we didn’t all have to do this every year. It’s the one day when we really are enjoying a morning together blissfully and have so much family fun to dive into Now everyone stop playing and chatting and get dressed because Grandma picked today instead of Christmas Eve or the day after. I know it’s petty . But I’ve been married 17 years and have had to do this every year . It’s something I vow I won’t do to my own kids. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 I'm sorry. My dh and I have a policy to be AT HOME on Christmas eve and Cchristmas day. So thankful we started that early. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 This was exactly the complaint growing up. For years it was on xmas eve, but then for some reason grandma changed it to xmas day. My mother hated it...we hated it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 This was exactly the complaint growing up. For years it was on xmas eve, but then for some reason grandma changed it to xmas day. My mother hated it...we hated it... That's what happened with my in-laws and we hate it. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zinnia Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 I have decided that you can't please everyone. My brother insists on Christmas Day in his house, no exceptions. He does invite the grandparents, and both sets are local, so they both go. We live about 2 hours away. My in laws always travel to my sister in laws who are 12 hours away. We have no options at Christmas but to be at home with just the 6 of us. My parents usually drive over after they see my brother. It's taken me years to not see Christmas as sad and lonely, but I am coming to terms with it. I would still prefer a bigger gathering, but it is what it is. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 She has 3 families coming to have her food and exchange gifts. All the families have kids under 10. I wish we didn’t all have to do this every year. It’s the one day when we really are enjoying a morning together blissfully and have so much family fun to dive into Now everyone stop playing and chatting and get dressed because Grandma picked today instead of Christmas Eve or the day after. I know it’s petty . But I’ve been married 17 years and have had to do this every year . It’s something I vow I won’t do to my own kids. You don't. Making memories at home for your dc is important too. Now and then a special Christmas trip to Grandma is fun but who says you have to do this every year? 25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 :grouphug: Do the other adults feel this way, too? If so, have any of you actually ever approached her to ask if she could shift it to Christmas Eve or the next day? I don't see it as selfish if that is the day she is used to celebrating with everyone and is continuing the tradition with her adult children and their families. If no one has clearly explained why you would rather it was on a different day she may not have any idea that this is a problem. (Maybe you have and she still insists, I'm just saying if she hasn't been told/asked then I don't necessarily see this as selfish.) DH's entire family has always celebrated on Christmas Eve. They still continue to do so. We all go over to MIL's Christmas Eve, even the out of town families. Now you can say that Christmas Eve is easier because they then have Christmas day to do their own Christmas but these families are used to celebrating Christmas Eve. They either celebrate early at home Christmas Eve then go to MILs or they bring their gifts to MILs. Their main celebration then is at her house. This is their tradition and they continue to do so with the entire extended family. For one SIL her DH also is used to celebrating on Christmas Eve so after celebrating here they actually drive an hour to celebrate with the other side of her family that same evening. They choose to do this because this is when that side of the family celebrates. If we were ever to, as a group, decide another day would be better I think MIL would be hurt at first but would understand and would willingly shift to another day. I guess my point is I'm wondering if anyone has ever actually asked her... 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 We have a special dinner at our home on Christmas Eve and open gifts here Christmas morning. That gives us our own tradition of time together before we go to a big extended family get-together Christmas afternoon at MIL' s house. I assume that once my dc marry and have their own dc, we'll adjust to a new normal. Sent from my SM-S320VL using Tapatalk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebcoola Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 (edited) Can you push it later we celebrate with my parents on Christmas but we don't go over there until 4pm. By that time everyone has usually played with everything and are ready to do something different. Edited December 23, 2017 by rebcoola 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 We moved our Christmas at home to the 24th. It’s worked well. That feels like Christmas to me. I will host people that day. My mom is coming this year. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 Growing up we always went to my great-grandparents' house on Christmas. My mom always went to her aunt and uncle's. Having Christmas at home as an adult has actually been weird and sad to me (we had no family nearby to invite us to a family Christmas thing). 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 I stopped going. I wish I'd stopped sooner. I am stopping by my brother's at 5 pm this year. So, the day is still pretty free. Last year didn't see anyone. For us it's no longer about enjoying family time. There is one person who just has a lot of difficulty with Christmas, so it's best to be as low key as possible. Whatever the reason you don't want to go doesn't matter. Just say you aren't going and then don't go. Doing that takes a lot of pressure away. Why don't all the families stay home and the grandparents take turns visiting each of them through the holiday season. If Grandma wants everyone in one place why doesn't she do that on a Sunday before or after the holiday or on New Year's Day. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 I wouldn’t do it. I know grandparents must want that Christmas morning feeling with grandchildren, but Christmas Day is just for my nuclear family. We don’t go anywhere, we don’t have anyone over. I don’t want to drive, or clean, or host, or even get dressed. I want to build toys and read books and eat chocolate. I’m selfish. My relative mentioned stopping by on Christmas morning this year to just drop off a gift. I felt bad but said No Way. I don’t even want to open the door. I don’t want to see anyone, or do anything. Someone dropping off a gift would never take less than an hour or two. And we’re seeing them a couple days later. And we saw them today. They didn’t ask but just started saying some nonsense about gifts and Christmas Day. And I was thinking, this was the whole reason you’re here today, to do gifts and spend time together today. I intentionally have no one coming over Christmas. (Hugs) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 When I was a kid we always did Christmas Eve at home and then Christmas Day at Grandma's house. I miss that so much. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 My mom likes that Christmas feeling, and I feel she is very accommodating. Not that is matters to us, because I don’t like doing Christmas, so we arrived at her house today and don’t leave till the 26th. My parents do all the Christmas stuff. This year my brothers wife (Ann) has had enough Christmas. They are travelling out of country and left after school on Friday, and come back just in time for new year. My mom is disappointed. In previous years she worked with my brother, his wife, and her family. Usually we would all have Christmas Eve dinner here on the 23rd, 24th, 25th, or 26th, 27th at the latest. And when I say Ann’s family would come I don’t just mean their kids, I mean her parents, siblings, and sometimes other members of her family. My parents are very close to her parents. Last year my brother, his wife and their kids went away fro Christmas, but my mom held Christmas till they got back. I think that year we had it on the 28th. This year Ann wanted to totally avoid it. We all heard at least one of them complaining about presents, stuff.... It feels weird since my mom didn’t even get them anything much for Christmas, perhaps not even anything, as per their request. So my mom doubled up on stuff for my kids. We are spending Christmas here with my parents. And since Ann’s parents are sad about no grandkids for Christmas, we are also spending part of the 24th and 25th at their place.... So yes, I am spending Christmas with my parents and my brother’s in-laws. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 I'm surprised how many people here hate it but still do it. I would just say no. My husband and I told everyone on the first year of marriage that we would not be going to big family events Christmas eve or Christmas day as we had our own traditions to create and we were trying for a baby by the following Christmas and knew we did not want to take our kids away from home and presents on Christmas, so we were setting the precedent now. We were both eldests so it was hard, but we did set an open door policy on Christmas day, anyone at all is welcome to our home Christmas day, we just won't leave it. There was hurt feelings and passive aggressiveness to begin with, but now, my maternal grandma and grandad come to my home Christmas day, my dad and stepmother used to but now come the 26th so they can do her sides family things on the day, and my husbands side, for all their complaining and nastiness adjusting to it at the time, now set a date for Christmas, this year it's the 27th, and everyone is grateful for it as 5 of the 8 kids are now married and juggling family and multiple people are working in jobs which continue Christmas day (aged care nursing and a resteraunt popular with tourists) 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeLovePassion Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 (edited) I'm sorry. My dh and I have a policy to be AT HOME on Christmas eve and Cchristmas day. So thankful we started that early. Us too. It's wonderful! ETA, not saying we don't celebrate, we just spread it out. Extended family is usually the 2nd weekend of December, our parents/siblings none of whom have kids are the weekend before Christmas usually. Once the big events are done we still sometimes see some of them again, it is just switched to super casual (even more so than the already casual things we do). For example, we will head to church tomorrow morning with SIL and maybe meal with her. Edited December 24, 2017 by LifeLovePassion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 When I was a kid we always did Christmas Eve at home and then Christmas Day at Grandma's house. I miss that so much. I really miss Christmas afternoon with my grandma. My in laws and parents come down to watch my kids open presents, and then nothing the rest of the day. I wish we had someplace to go. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted December 23, 2017 Share Posted December 23, 2017 That's why I used to host Christmas, with no sit down dinner. That way people could come and go as they pleased. One year two of them showed up Christmas Eve instead of Christmas Day, when I expected to serve the food, so they had to go out and buy pizza. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 I LOVED celebrating Christmas Day with both sets of grandparents. One in the afternoon, one in the evening. (Alternating.) I hate that NPD MIL worked to sabotage my side’s time with us, and that’s why we began staying home. I like staying home just fine, but I still miss the big family Christmas. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 We still have Big Family Christmas on Christmas Day, at various homes. When DD was little I always spread our family gifts across the 12 days of Christmas. We would have tree decorating and a special meal and maybe one present on Christmas Eve, and candlelight service at church. Then on Christmas Day DD would empty out her stocking and we would go to Christmas Day church and head to BFC with presents for all the rellies. Then over the next 12 days there would be intermittant presents mostly for DD. I did this because I always used to feel so let down after Christmas--we would open all the gifts over two days, barely absorb what they were, and then not have anymore. When DD was older, she started to dislike wondering what else was waiting under the tree, and feeling deprived, so we went to opening things sooner, all done by the day after Christmas. Sometimes I would surprise her with something else on 12th night, but it wouldn't be out driving her nuts in the meantime. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 So stay home. Sure, she might be a little put out because you say, "Sorry we're not coming this year" but she'll get over it. Or she won't. It's your life. Take a break from the hustle and bustle if you need to. Personally, we like the interruption to our day to go to my sister's house. It draws out Christmas a little more for us and we usually still have presents to open when we come home. Seriously, though, if none of you are going to enjoy your time at your MILs then don't go. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Could you start alternating? One year at her house, the next year at your own home? We have always lived long-distance from our parents. When my mother was alive, we alternated years with my inlaws. When she died, my husband and I agreed that we would continue to visit his parents on alternate years, and just stay home on what we thought of as my mother's year. I don't think they liked it, but we didn't care. We did always invite them to come to us on that year, but they would not. Easier for us perhaps because we were far from all siblings too. So there was rarely a get-together with everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 and to think my grandmother was angry I didn't host the big dinner on Christmas day. it was on Christmas eve because growing up - we always went to her house on christmas eve! (we did a variety of things over the years on christmas day.) have you talked to your dh? have you talked to your MIL about getting together in the afternoon? or on christmas eve, or every other year, etc.? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 (edited) I really miss Christmas afternoon with my grandma. My in laws and parents come down to watch my kids open presents, and then nothing the rest of the day. I wish we had someplace to go. I, too, miss Christmas with my extended family. When we still lived in our home country, we would spend Christmas day with my parents (plus siblings, grandmothers, and niece) and the day after Christmas with the In-laws. I miss that so much :( It would never have occurred to me to consider my mom selfish for inviting everybody to her house, and I hope my kids won't consider my invitation as something I "do" to them. Edited December 24, 2017 by regentrude 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 I, too, miss Christmas with my extended family. When we still lived in our home country, we would spend Christmas day with my parents (plus siblings, grandmothers, and niece) and the day after Christmas with the In-laws. I miss that so much :( It would never have occurred to me to consider my mom selfish for inviting everybody to her house, and I hope my kids won't consider my invitation as something I "do" to them. The Christmasses of yore always seem nostalgic, don't they? I remember stomping through the snow for midnight mass.... As far as the OP goes, I think people resent it more when there seems to be no choice. Also, some people celebrate on Christmas Eve and this is their time of celebration and then you are perhaps more okay with going somewhere the next day. If your kids remember opening every gift every year at someone else's house or being in a hurry to do the morning gift routine and then rush out of the house, it seems more forced. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 She has 3 families coming to have her food and exchange gifts. All the families have kids under 10. I wish we didn’t all have to do this every year. It’s the one day when we really are enjoying a morning together blissfully and have so much family fun to dive into Now everyone stop playing and chatting and get dressed because Grandma picked today instead of Christmas Eve or the day after. I know it’s petty . But I’ve been married 17 years and have had to do this every year . It’s something I vow I won’t do to my own kids. I’be only read the OP. I spent my whole childhood running to Grandma’s on Christmas morning and the Great Grandma’s for lunch. It sucked. Put your foot down and tell everyone you are having an at-home Christmas this year. Your children will thank you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth86 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 I have done Christmas the same way for 30 years and this year I made a change and decided my family comes first and grandparents get their time later. Notes I need to write down for myself for when I'm the evil mil. :lol: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 My husband is a priest, so we have to stay here on Christmas Eve and never travel, and both sets of parents are far away (NH and NC). My parents come alternating years. They are in OH at my sister-in-law's this year (we see them either T'giving or Christmas). My kids will figure it out. My married son continues to come here--so I now have all 3 of my kids still at Christmas, plus dil and her mom, and my grandchild. But I wouldn't mind if my son decided to stay and start his own Christmas traditions. In fact, it'd be easier. However, it'd be sad for us. We missed two Christmases with him here when he was a teen because he was in residential treatment. We got to see him that day both years, but it was a very, very sad and hard time for us all. I know we will one day heal from all that trauma, but it is slow in coming. So for now, I'm glad he can come. Maybe one day soon my husband will quit the parish and we will take turns visiting our grown kids on Christmas Day, like my parents do, but who knows. I don't know if we will ever live close to any of our kids. Christmas is fun, but stressful for me. The gifts, the personalities, the cleaning of the house (it's never clean usually and it takes a lot to clean it)...I like Easter better! No pressure! For you, OP, maybe it's time to switch it up. I think I'd do something like go over for late afternoon. It must be nice for your kids to see everyone. But are they local? For us, no one lives nearby. We do our reunion-ing in the summers. I have never lived near family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 She has 3 families coming to have her food and exchange gifts. All the families have kids under 10. I wish we didn’t all have to do this every year. It’s the one day when we really are enjoying a morning together blissfully and have so much family fun to dive into Now everyone stop playing and chatting and get dressed because Grandma picked today instead of Christmas Eve or the day after. I know it’s petty . But I’ve been married 17 years and have had to do this every year . It’s something I vow I won’t do to my own kids. Have you or dh talked to her about it? Is there a reason you can’t switch it to Christmas Eve? Are the others who are invited going elsewhere Christmas Eve and so if everyone is going to get together it has to be Christmas Day? All of my dh’s siblings are married and we all live in the same metro area. Years ago we worked it out that Christmas with Dh’s parents was Christmas Eve for everyone. My family is out of town, but all his siblings go to the in laws on Christmas Day. It’s just the way it is to get to spend the holiday with family. Why haven’t you or your dh had a conversation with the rest of the family about it. Traditions can change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmseB Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Growing up we always went to my great-grandparents' house on Christmas. My mom always went to her aunt and uncle's. Having Christmas at home as an adult has actually been weird and sad to me (we had no family nearby to invite us to a family Christmas thing). Yeah, I grew up in the same town as both sets of grandparents. We would alternate which set we would spend the night with every year and have Christmas Eve there, and then Christmas morning open gifts from those grandparents aunts and uncles. Then we'd go to the other set of grandparents for Christmas "dinner" (which was really late lunch) and open their gifts to us. Then we'd go home and inevitably there'd still be a few small things for us kids under our own tree. And writing this out makes it seem like it was all about the gifts, but looking back now it really was just having so many people in our lives that loved us. I miss having all that family close by and I miss having all that family every year. It was a great way to grow up. No one was being selfish by having us over and none of us were put out by having to go. I realize it's different if there's a lot of drama or difficult relatives, but as a kid, it was just fun. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 I grew up in the house everyone came to by 10:00am Christmas morning, including my aunt and two younger cousins, who after opening gifts under our tree had to see everything packed up and put back in their car (lest something get lost in the chaos). I vowed my kids would NEVER be the ones who spent Christmas at someone else's house. Our first holidays when our kids were small we did go to my in-law's house after doing our presents at home. But we did not get there until afternoon. After a few years I decided WE would also do the meal here, and everyone could come, as we then had four little kids and I wanted to make our own traditions. I got flack from hubby's aunt, of all people (I think MIL was relieved to be relieved of the meal prep - although by popular demand she remained on the hook for the lasagna she made so well as our opening dish). Aunt even called me a couple weeks in advance to insist that MY kids could "open presents Christmas Eve, it won't matter to them" to "get it over with" so everyone could still be at "home" (MIL's house) all of Christmas Day. I told her that MIL had had her turn with six young kids at home Christmas Day, but those kids were grown now and it was their turn to enjoy a kid-centric Christmas at their home if they so chose. There comes a time for families with young kids to take over the day, and have grandma hand over some of the traditions. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 We stopped traveling on Christmas Day once the kids were old enough to be aware and want time with their new stuff. We go to my mother's Christmas Eve and then drive down to the in-laws the day after Christmas and stay with them for a few days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Poppy, what about having your family holiday be 12th Night? That's a great date for presents, being Epiphany and all. Plus if you put your tree up late it's still reasonably fresh by then. Plus Epiphany is a feast of light, and figuring things out, and loving and being loved. Or what about Solstice, starting next year? That's such a meaningful day, and the absolute darkest day, a day of reflection and of anticipation. I'm not saying that your feelings aren't valid. I'm just saying that if you did one of these alternative things the kids would be able to have both, and who knows, maybe you would enjoy it. I never celebrated the 12 Days as a kid, but have grown to really love having my own approach as an adult, and being able to have it all is quite luxurious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 (edited) We stopped going anywhere on Christmas after a particularly hectic Christmas Day when our then 3 yo had no time at all to play with any of his new stuff. We declared from then on our we’d do our visiting Christmas Eve and anyone was welcome to join us for Christmas Day dinner at our house. We do potluck soups and simple desserts because it’s Christmas for me too and I’m not slaving in the kitchen all day. Edited December 24, 2017 by Forget-me-not Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenaj Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 My side of the family doesn't have a regular routine of when our Christmas gathering occurs. Sometimes it's on Christmas Eve, sometimes Christmas Day sometimes not until New Year's Day. We just go up there whenever it happens. If it is on Christmas Day we usually pick a different day to celebrate "our" Christmas. So, we may wake up to "Christmas" at our house on the 24th or the 26th. I think that's the farthest we've moved it. When we were first married it was more complicated as my dh's family was an eight hour drive away. I'm expecting it all to get more complicated again as my kids grow up, move out and get married. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Technically, this is the first year we do not have an extended family meal to go to on Christmas Day. For some reason it isn't being done this year. That being said, at least half the time we've been at home with someone that is alternating tearing open new packages and barfing their guts out. I was okay going to FIL's house on Christmas afternoon. My in-laws are relatively sane and peaceful. But I had to put my foot down at going to more than one place per day OR seeing the same (lovable but loud and crazy) people on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Nope Nope Nope. My mom and brother come over to watch the kids open gifts on Christmas morning, then leave to do their own thing. Having more adults to help manage the chaos of food and gifts and batteries and directions and tamper-proof packaging sort of outweighs the "there are additional people in my house WHY". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 We have a special dinner at our home on Christmas Eve and open gifts here Christmas morning. That gives us our own tradition of time together before we go to a big extended family get-together Christmas afternoon at MIL' s house. I assume that once my dc marry and have their own dc, we'll adjust to a new normal. Sent from my SM-S320VL using Tapatalk That's what we do too, for the most part. Christmas eve we do a light dinner here with my husband's brother and his girlfriend. (BIL's girlfriend, not DH's, lol). Then they go home and we wrap and such. Then Christmas morning we do stockings here, open our gifts to each other, then head to my mom's for brunch and opening presents with them and my sister and her kids. Then an early dinner there. We have ALWAYS celebrated Christmas with my mom and dad and sister on Christmas day and always will. But we don't hate it. My kids love going too and look forward to it. I guess that is the difference. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 (edited) In town it is just my dad (and my mom before she died), my sister and family, and my family. We each do our own Christmas Eve (my dad will be invited to both and do one or neither) and then Christmas Day we get together for lunch. It is about an hour and a half drive but we all want to be together. What we do is alternate years so every other year one family gets to stay home all day while the other travels. The get together is late enough that kids have plenty of time home in the morning. Food is simple. It is a laid back day all around. When my kids have their own families I will be flexible and happy to go along with whatever is easiest for them. Edited December 24, 2017 by teachermom2834 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 (edited) I'm just grateful I hardly ever have to host. It's worth it to me to get people dressed and in the car by 11. I'm the opposite - I would so, so much love to be able to host my entire family for Christmas. Or for any occasion for that matter. Knowing that my parents won't ever be in my house again makes me very sad. I don't handle Christmas well because I miss them all; I have not been able to spend the holiday with my folks for over a decade. Sometimes I am jealous of my sister because she gets to. Edited December 24, 2017 by regentrude 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 I will say that we have sometimes done Christmas at my house, or my sisters, but we always gather all together. I cannot imagine my parents sitting home, just the two of them, alone, on Christmas when we are a little over an hour away. that would break my heart. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 (edited) I'm the opposite - I would so, so much love to be able to host my entire family for Christmas. Or for any occasion for that matter. Knowing that my parents won't ever be in my house again makes me very sad. I don't handle Christmas well because I miss them all; I have not been able to spend the holiday with my folks for over a decade. Sometimes I am jealous of my sister because she gets to. I know, I feel the same way. I just don't have that kind of a house, unfortunately. But at least a bunch of us do get together. Regentrude, why don't you plan to go to Germany some year with your husband and kids? Surely you could pull that off once or twice? Edited December 24, 2017 by Carol in Cal. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 (edited) It depends on the personalities of everyone. Per other posters in this thread, some people as children loved the running around to see family on Christmas Day. OP--do your children enjoy seeing the family? Or do they have to be dragged out the door? If the family members make Christmas a bit of a chore (personality) and if the kids have to be unwillingly wrangled into the car (personality), then you guys ought to put your foot down and stay home on Christmas Day. Or don't go over until later in the day--like at 4 or 5. But if the family members are pretty fun to be around and the kids love being there... Well, I don't know what I'm trying to say. It sounds like you guys need to try having Christmas at home, at least in the morning. Edited December 24, 2017 by Garga 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Targhee Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 I don't think it's right to make plans for others. Having said that, we travel to my parent's every other year, all siblings and their families, and have a giant Christmas Day together. I'm here right now, 20 people in the house, and it is wonderful! I think if we lived closer it might be different, but I've been married 20 years and we still live to come back to their house and share Christmas, church, opening presents, playing games, eating good foods... I wish we could do it more often :-( 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeenagerMom Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 I'm one that I can't imagine NOT spending the holidays with our family. We are missing a few of us this year and I'm already really sad about it. When I was younger, we always traveled 4 hours on Christmas morning to see our extended family. And we loved it. We have loads and loads of happy memories. This year I have a younger sibling who's refusing to come to make their own traditions. Our parents were pretty much devastated since they only see them a couple of times a year. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 (edited) 1. Poppy, I'm sorry that for 17 years you have felt like you had to do something that you really didn't want to do. 2. While being with extended family on Christmas Day is wonderful for many it isn't for you because it interrupts your private family time, which you value and don't want disrupted, correct? That is what I am understanding. :grouphug: How do your children feel? Your DH? Are they frustrated, too? If no one in your family likes doing this then I would pursue changing this practice but it has to be you and your DH that seek a different way to handle this. Your MIL and her DH are probably thinking this is what everyone wants and people would say something to her if they didn't. I would also seriously talk with other family members and see if another day might work better. I would at least ask. There may be others that feel the same way about the schedule. Based on your kitchen remodel thread and others I get the feeling that maybe communication of this nature is hard for you? Could your DH talk with his siblings, at least feel them out and see if maybe they are feeling the same way? On the flip side of that coin, if you are the one bothered by this and your DH and children are fine with it (even if the kids maybe have a bit of trouble changing gears initially) then I send you hugs and sympathy and still encourage you to talk it out with your DH and other family members to see about at least shifting the time but if everyone is enjoying their time together, especially your DH, your children and their grandparents, maybe there is another way to make this less stressful for you. Maybe you and your DH could brainstorm another way to time your own celebration so it isn't so upsetting to you to go over on Christmas Day? Again :grouphug: 3. Bottom line, you shouldn't have to be miserable every Christmas. I would seriously try to be proactive on attempting to make this a better situation in whatever way you and your DH can (trying to change the time/day/rotating Christmases/whatever), while also considering in your heart that maybe MIL isn't being actively selfish but instead thinks this is what everyone wants, to be with extended family, because no one has shared with her that they don't. Hugs and good luck. I'm sorry this is so stressful. Edited December 24, 2017 by OneStepAtATime 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 Just to be clear, you always have a choice. You don't have to go. You can simply tell then that you won't be able to make it and you can have Christmas morning at your house with your immediate family. They might complain about it, but so what? They're not entitled to have you there every year and you're not entitled to them liking that you're doing something else. That's life. You can't please everyone.My in-laws have Christmas morning, my mom has Christmas Night, and we have Christmas Eve. My dad has the Sunday about a week before Christmas. Everyone for 4 generations is local (within 20 minutes of each other) and has local in-laws, so it can be hard to coordinate it all. We can't afford to care too much about the particular day. Maybe divorced families are just more flexible about days. It doesn't bother me because it's far easier to fit it all in when people keep it a regular day each year. We've had Christmas Eve morning (same activities as a typical Christmas morning) with just our family when the kids were little and it's been great. Now it switches some years to Christmas Eve night, depending on work schedules.My mom had surgery and isn't doing Christmas Night this year. It will be at my house for that branch of the family in January. My dad's side did our get together a week ago. Now we have Christmas Eve night tomorrow and Christmas morning with the in-laws. Christmas is more about the event than the day. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TABmom Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 If you and your dh don't want to go, don't go. Honestly, though it's a little late to change this year, decide early what works for you next year and tell her. When she says "we are having our family get together on Christmas." You say, "oh, y'know, I'm sorry, but that isn't going to work out for us this year. We would really like to celebrate Christmas at home this time. Would you like to do our family Christmas x weekend, y weekend, or do you just want to have it on Christmas without us?" She's going to be upset- it's hard to not get what you want after getting it for so long- but she will get over it. (My MIL hates lots of things that she eventually gets over.) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 (edited) Regentrude, why don't you plan to go to Germany some year with your husband and kids? Surely you could pull that off once or twice? Christmas is the absolute worst time to travel to Germany. Airline tickets are close to $2,000 per person for Christmas travel to my home town. Time off is very short, and door to door travel takes 24 hours; that's just not sensible for a week. (Summer allows more time, and scheduling is flexible to find less expensive tickets). Edited December 24, 2017 by regentrude 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zinnia Posted December 24, 2017 Share Posted December 24, 2017 I’be only read the OP. I spent my whole childhood running to Grandma’s on Christmas morning and the Great Grandma’s for lunch. It sucked. Put your foot down and tell everyone you are having an at-home Christmas this year. Your children will thank you. But that's the thing. Maybe your kids will thank you. Maybe they will grow up with memories of their Christmases as sad and small, without much excitement. You gotta do what makes you happy, not what your kids might like 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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