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gardenmom5

should I or should I not?

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Acknowledge an email from my brother?

He wants me to "loan" him $1k so he can settle an old cc debt before he can close his house.

I'm not loaning him anything. The question is if I should even acknowledge I saw the email?

 

Suggestions?

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Might he ask again if he thinks you didn't see it? I might just reply a one line, "I'm sorry, I'm not able to do that."

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Might he ask again if he thinks you didn't see it? I might just reply a one line, "I'm sorry, I'm not able to do that."

 

Yes, this. 

 

And then don't explain or dialogue with him no matter how many questions he comes back with. Just keep repeating "I'm sorry, I'm not able to do that" as many times as needed. 

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I'm a "nip it in the bud" person who has no problem getting in someone's face, so I'd reply: "No can do, but how are you?" just so he wouldn't reply again. I don't mind opening up a can of worms, though.

 

My husband is more of a "don't poke the bear" kind of person who hates confrontation and gets stressed easily, so he'd ignore the email ... and any future ones that were sent in case brother thought we somehow missed the original email. 

 

So maybe it just depends on your personality, and what you can handle this time of year. It's easiest to ignore it, for sure. LOL

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Yes, respond, and tell him no.

 

It's unkind to let him spend valuable time believing you are 'thinking about it' or have not yet received it. He may have other ways to solve his problems -- he deserves your response so that he can move on.

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I'd acknowledge it just to be done with it because I'm the kind to worry when/if the next email/phone call was coming. Something short and sweet, but not including the word 'sorry' at all because I think that sends the message that you want to but can't. And you don't want him to try to badger you into finding a way to help him. 

 

 

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meh.  I do see the point about "letting him know", I even agree with it.  It's just . . .his history.  :cursing:  (which is what stopped me from "just telling him no".)   and I've heard too much about this particular debt in the last few months to last me more than a lifetime.  (my own fault for deciding to talk to him.  once in a while.)  but I've gotten better at redirecting him into safer territory. (most effective if it is about him.)

 

It would have to be a simple -and very straight forward - nope, sorry.  good luck.  the end.

he did mention asking someone else, so I know I'm not his only option.

 

his chutzpah still just floors me.

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his chutzpah still just floors me.

 

I'm amazed at some people. I totally get this.  :glare:

 

Good luck with the situation, whatever you decide to do. Something tells me it won't be the last you hear from him, or about this debt! 

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I'm amazed at some people. I totally get this.  :glare:

 

Good luck with the situation, whatever you decide to do. Something tells me it won't be the last you hear from him, or about this debt! 

 

oh - it will be the last time about *this* debt.  but it won't be the last time (since it's NOT the first time) he's tries to hit me up for money to support his living-beyond-his-means lifestyle. (he has told me what he "supposedly" makes - if true, he makes more than dh. and his new wife works too.)

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There's a lot of history here.  It would be nice if he interacted with family better, but you already know that isn't going to happen.

 

A short and sweet "Sorry, I can't help" will allow you to move on.  Leaving the matter open-ended will have you thinking over the matter endlessly while waiting for him to follow-up with another e-mail or call.  For your own peace of mind, just tell him no.  Then go and make yourself a cup of hot chocolate and watch a sappy hallmark movie that will trick you into temporarily thinking that all problems have a happy ending in 90 minutes or less.

 

(((hugs))) 

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meh.  I do see the point about "letting him know", I even agree with it.  It's just . . .his history.  :cursing:  (which is what stopped me from "just telling him no".)   and I've heard too much about this particular debt in the last few months to last me more than a lifetime.  (my own fault for deciding to talk to him.  once in a while.)  but I've gotten better at redirecting him into safer territory. (most effective if it is about him.)

 

It would have to be a simple -and very straight forward - nope, sorry.  good luck.  the end.

he did mention asking someone else, so I know I'm not his only option.

 

his chutzpah still just floors me.

 

Maybe you should say, "Oh hey...this is SO FUNNY because I was just going to e-mail to ask if you could lend me some money!"

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Maybe you should say, "Oh hey...this is SO FUNNY because I was just going to e-mail to ask if you could lend me some money!"

 

 

:smilielol5: 

 

Love it.

but too late.

 

I did email and said sorry, can't.  good luck.

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Maybe you should say, "Oh hey...this is SO FUNNY because I was just going to e-mail to ask if you could lend me some money!"

 

 

I should add - this is in the spirit of something dh would say.

 

years ago, the night before I threw a bridal shower/meet the family for his FIRST wife (he's on #3) - mil painted my  bathroom scale.  a color that clashed with my house.  I stayed up all night cleaning it off with nail polish remover.  (yeah, I know.  I could have put it somewhere else.)

 

dh took one look at it and said: poor little bathroom scale, saw D__ coming with a can of paint and didn't run fast enough.  It changed an incident from one of fury, to we still laugh about it.

 

so - thank you.

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Maybe you should say, "Oh hey...this is SO FUNNY because I was just going to e-mail to ask if you could lend me some money!"

 

Oh, please do this!! Too funny!

 

Alley

Edited by Alicia64
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 mil painted my  bathroom scale. 

 

What? How? Why?  That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard! LOL

 

(and I know someone who painted their toilet, so that's saying something)

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What? How? Why?  That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard! LOL

 

(and I know someone who painted their toilet, so that's saying something)

 

mil isn't sane.  she lives with 2sil. . . . when 2sil went on vacation, mil *painted* her plastic stacking outdoor chairs.  (they had needed cleaning.  instead of cleaning them, she painted them.)

and painting the toilet/toiletseat IS something she would do.

back in the 70's, when avacado green furniture was the rage - she painted MAHOGANY furniture "so it would match".

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Painting toilet seats is a thing people used to do!  I'm trying to remember which kids' book we read it in; maybe it was by Madeleine L'Engle, the one where the family takes a road trip and the mother runs in the house, leaving the family sitting in the car, to paint the seat so it can dry while they are on vacation.  I can't be sure I have the right author in mind!!

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Painting toilet seats is a thing people used to do! I'm trying to remember which kids' book we read it in; maybe it was by Madeleine L'Engle, the one where the family takes a road trip and the mother runs in the house, leaving the family sitting in the car, to paint the seat so it can dry while they are on vacation. I can't be sure I have the right author in mind!!

Yes! I think it was Meet the Austins

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he did reply, and thanked me for helping find the house.  I actually found the house he is buying - not his real estate agent.

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he did reply, and thanked me for helping find the house.  I actually found the house he is buying - not his real estate agent.

 

Glad he was nice about it.  Good job sticking to your guns. 

 

Nobody asks us for money any more.  I think they assume with so many kids we have none.  :)  

 

Fine by me. 

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Yes, respond, and tell him no.

 

It's unkind to let him spend valuable time believing you are 'thinking about it' or have not yet received it. He may have other ways to solve his problems -- he deserves your response so that he can move on.

 

 

This is what I would do.  "I am not able to loan you the money.  How are you doing?"

 

I would hate it....but that is what I would do.

 

Edited:  I see I was late to the thread.  I am glad he was not upset with you.

Edited by Scarlett

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It's hard to speak your mind and say no, especially to a relative (IMO).   Good for you! :hurray:

 

it amazing how much easier it's gotten to  ignore him since our mother's death.   I don't' worry about him taking anything out on her. 

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The last time my sister asked to borrow $100, I said, sorry, can't, but if you've got $10,000 I can have to pay my overdue quarterly estimated taxes, that would be great!

 

No more requests for money :)  You have to be broke for it to work, though.  I think she assumed that because we have good cash flow we are rolling it in.  Yep, rolling in it...until tax day.  Then it all rolls right on out.

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