Bullied boy

[Scarlett]

His name is Keaton Jones. You can google and see the video his mom posted on FB of him. He is crying as he tells his mom about the bullying he endured at school. It is heartbreaking. Dh and I both cried watching it.

 

My question is.....who are these bullies? I wonder how they are feeling right now?

[meganrussell]

How sad! I just sobbed through his entire video. I just want to give him a hug. If that was my son, I would pull him out of that school immediately.

[rutamattatt]

It is SO painful.  He has received an outpouring of support and encouragement from all over the world, including celebrities and sports stars.  Some of the Titans are going to hang out with him.  But WHY does a child have to endure that kind of stuff?  How are kids getting the message that they are better than someone else and are allowed to be cruel?  

 

I know there has always been bullying in the world, but it seems like it is so much worse these days.  Is it just because of social media that we are hearing more about it?  Or is social media making it worse?  Or is there some other cultural shift that is making it OK?  I hear so much about anti-bullying campaigns, but it doesn't sound like they are working to curb this.  Will anything?  Are there really that many bullies in schools, or is it usually just one kid and others don't stand up to him so it FEELS like tons of kids bullying?  

 

I also wonder how those kids that bullied that boy are feeling.  Are they embarrassed?  Indignant?  And what about all the parents at that kid's school?  Wonder what conversations they are having...

[Garga]

It is SO painful. He has received an outpouring of support and encouragement from all over the world, including celebrities and sports stars. Some of the Titans are going to hang out with him. But WHY does a child have to endure that kind of stuff? How are kids getting the message that they are better than someone else and are allowed to be cruel?

 

I know there has always been bullying in the world, but it seems like it is so much worse these days. Is it just because of social media that we are hearing more about it? Or is social media making it worse? Or is there some other cultural shift that is making it OK? I hear so much about anti-bullying campaigns, but it doesn't sound like they are working to curb this. Will anything? Are there really that many bullies in schools, or is it usually just one kid and others don't stand up to him so it FEELS like tons of kids bullying?

 

I also wonder how those kids that bullied that boy are feeling. Are they embarrassed? Indignant? And what about all the parents at that kid's school? Wonder what conversations they are having...

I feel like it happened constantly and to soooo many kids when I was a kid. The main reason I didn't want kids (until my biological clock took over my brain at 29) was that I haaaaaated kids because in my mind, they're all a bunch of bullies. As an adult, I know that's not true, but as a kid, I felt like the adults were all snowed. Like the adults thought most of us were little angels, but as a kid, I knew just how rotten and horrible the kids were to each other and what little monsters kids were. Once I had kids, I became the adult who saw kids as little angels, but sometimes I remember back to all the horrid things the kids I knew did as kids.

 

I don't know if it's worse now or not, but back then there was no way to talk about it or share it. As a child, I knew that most kids could be pretty mean when given the chance.

 

Often it was a few kids being aggressively mean and the rest just stood around and did nothing to stop it or went along with it passively, by shunning the bullied kids.

[J-rap]

That is horrible.  When my children stood up for and defended kids who were bullied, I felt that was the very best I could hope for as a parent.

 

The other side of the story are the bullies themselves.  Why are they bullies?  Are they being bullied by their parents?  That is very sad too.  The whole things is sad, on both sides.

[Scarlett]

I don’t think it happens more now. I think it’s different methods, but it was a thing when I was in school. And I know we all remember the bullies in A Christmas Story. Which yes is fiction but those stereotypes exist for a reason.

 

I am not sure if the extreme focus we have on it today is the way to go. Yes it’s awful that this kid is being bullied and feels terrible, but I don’t think filming him crying and plastering it all over the internet to show everyone on the planet how awful he has it is really the best way to help him.

 

 

I imagine that mom had already tried to deal with it other ways.  

 

And I would pull him out immediately too, but not all parents have that luxury.

[Scarlett]

I saw a segment on tv this morning that the best way to deal with bullying is more adult supervision.  

 

I was not particularly bullied as a kid but as a young adult women especially felt free to say the rudest things to me.   

[HomeAgain]

I don’t think it happens more now. I think it’s different methods, but it was a thing when I was in school. And I know we all remember the bullies in A Christmas Story. Which yes is fiction but those stereotypes exist for a reason.

 

I am not sure if the extreme focus we have on it today is the way to go. Yes it’s awful that this kid is being bullied and feels terrible, but I don’t think filming him crying and plastering it all over the internet to show everyone on the planet how awful he has it is really the best way to help him.

 

This is how I felt when I watched it this morning.  There seems to be a habit of exploitation recently - this, people filming themselves "doing good deeds", and so forth that all focus on exploiting the unfortunate at the expense of a viral video.

 

I feel more for this child because he is bullied on one side and used on the other.  Neither is okay.  And there is no context as to what is being done, or how his parents are attempting to create a safe environment for him.

 

[catz]

I don't think painting a kid as a victim across the internet is doing him any favors.  Of course it is awful.  If they've worked through administration, they should pull that kid.  And I know that is difficult for some families but your child's life is worth more than that.  The thing is though is middle school kids can be self absorbed little jerks.   And it's hard to be an out of the box kid in that setting. They aren't necessarily feeling good about themselves and they lash out as others.  They don't have the brain band width these years to understand consequences to these types of actions.  So painting kids under the age of 14 as evil, criminal types doesn't really serve either.   They need strong direction and supervision.   I do think the way most middle schools are set up make it really difficult to monitor for bullying.  Kids have private conversations and have pass time in the halls and have quite a bit of freedom. 

 

I don't think bullying is worse now.  I was bullied mercilessly through elementary and middle school at a small catholic school.  No one talked about it then and it was just accepted.   A kid committed suicide and no one talked about it.  I feel like there is much more discussion and it's brought into the light much easier now.  Of course, cyber bullying is new. 

 

I really think middle school age kids would do better with much more adult supervision in their lives over these years and much more time with hands on projects and physical work.  If I could ONLY homeschool for 2-3 years, it would definitely be those 6th-8th grade years. 

[MEmama]

I don't feel like it's worse now, if anything I sense there's quite a bit less. I was mercilessly bullied in middle school and I know it was common. Don't other people remember when fights in the hallways were commonplace? All the kids would gather round and fill the halls yelling, "fight! Fight! Fight!" until some bored teacher finally decided a broken nose was time to break it up? My schools had at least one suicide each year. We didn't have a LGBT club yet, or other clubs of inclusiveness. You were on your own, in class while the kids teased, in the hallways when they shouted "loser!", on the ball field during PE while they threatened you with a knife, in the bathrooms crying. Nope, those memories are seared in my brain-- there's no way I believe that kids are more cruel now.

 

I have no doubt social media brings a different element, but these kids grew up with it so it's not a new world for them. I DO think we hear about it more as a result, and that we as a generation are more likely to listen (as with sexual assault). As adults, we have the responsibility to listen and act, and to make sure our actions reflect the changes we want to see filter down to our children.

Edited December 11, 2017 by MEmama

[TechWife]

I don't feel like it's worse now, if anything I sense there's quite a bit less. I was mercilessly bullied in middle school and I know it was common. Don't other people remember when fights in the hallways were commonplace? All the kids would gather round and fill the halls yelling, "fight! Fight! Fight!" until some bored teacher finally decided a broken nose was time to break it up? My schools had at least one suicide each year. We didn't have a LGBT club yet, or other clubs of inclusiveness. You were on your own, in class while the kids teased, in the hallways when they shouted "loser!", on the ball field during PE while they threatened you with a knife, in the bathrooms crying. Nope, those memories are seared in my brain-- there's no way I believe that kids are more cruel now.

 

I have no doubt social media brings a different element, but these kids grew up with it so it's not a new world for them. I DO think we hear about it more as a result, and that we as a generation are more likely to listen (as with sexual assault). As adults, we have the responsibility to listen and act, and to make sure our actions reflect the changes we want to see filter down to our children.

I don’t think most schools have or had fights in the hallways on a regular basis. I can only remember witnessing one fight at school throughout all of the grades. One of the kids was suspended immediately. I went to elementary school near Atlanta and middle/high in a rural school, so I don’t think it’s location dependent. We showed our teachers respect and knew they would hold us accountable if we misbehaved. In school suspension wasn’t a thing back then, either. It was after school detention, suspension, expulsion. The teachers and administrators certainly were in charge at that point in time. Bullying was much more subtle than fights in the hallways. Edited December 11, 2017 by TechWife

[Miss Peregrine]

Wonder if all the celebrities will pull their support now.

 

 

http://www.tmz.com/2017/12/11/bullied-tennessee-student-keaton-jones-mom/

[meganrussell]

I hope not. Keaton is still being bullied. Pulling their support will make it worse.

[MEmama]

Wonder if all the celebrities will pull their support now.

 

 

http://www.tmz.com/2017/12/11/bullied-tennessee-student-keaton-jones-mom/

Soooooo.....someone who is proud of her intolerance is surprised when the ugliness comes home?

 

I stand by my comment that we have the responsibility to make sure our actions reflect the changes we want to see in the world.

 

Smh

 

Adding: I'm sickened that adults play their children like pawns in their games. I'm heartbroken for this lad. :(

Edited December 11, 2017 by MEmama

[goldberry]

This is how I felt when I watched it this morning. There seems to be a habit of exploitation recently - thi.

What do you consider exploitation versus spreading a message or drawing attention to a problem?

[goldberry]

Wonder if all the celebrities will pull their support now.

 

 

http://www.tmz.com/2017/12/11/bullied-tennessee-student-keaton-jones-mom/

No child should be bullied. Full stop.

[Miss Peregrine]

No child should be bullied. Full stop.

Like I said, I wonder if they will pull their support now.

[nixpix5]

This is a sad situation all around. He is being bullied and then exploited by his mother who has questionable behavior herself. No child should be bullied and when it is brought to our attention we need to intervene period.

 

I do believe bullying has been on the decline for years. It was much much worse in the 80s, slightly better in the 90s, and it has proceeded to get better in my opinion. Kids are aware and most kids are so kind. When I was in school any child that was different was a target. My DD has hearing aids and she has never once been bullied or made fun of for it. Kids will be curious and ask questions but they are not cruel about it. Teens in particular seem on average more emotive, empathetic with one another and supportive. I think with social media we now hear more about these cases we wouldn't have before. It is like abduction. It too is on the decline but people are more fearful of them because we now hear about them more.

Edited December 11, 2017 by nixpix5

[SKL]

It happened to me as a kid.  It sucks, but oddly most kids don't tell.  I think we have it drilled into us that tattling is worse than whatever the other person is doing.  Also, I feel teachers and other adults often turn a blind eye - I guess that's easier than addressing the issue.

 

I talk to my kids fairly often about bullying and what they should do if they experience it or see it, but I still get concerned by some of the things my kids come home and tell me.  I don't think they always do the right thing, despite being taught.

 

One thing I remind my kids is that even if the recipient of words or behaviors is "playing along with the joke" or "laughing too," that doesn't make it right.  They have a choice to laugh or cry or blow up and get themselves in trouble.  Which one are most kids gonna do?  Kids who have some social capital need to speak up.

[SKL]

As for whether the parents' political views or how they talk online in adult forums has anything to do with their kids being bullied at school?  To me that seems an incredibly childish thing to imply.  My kids have classmates whose parents are in prison for doing really bad stuff.  I still expect both adults and kids to stand up for them if they are being mistreated.  Gimme a break.

[Miss Peregrine]

As for whether the parents' political views or how they talk online in adult forums has anything to do with their kids being bullied at school? To me that seems an incredibly childish thing to imply. My kids have classmates whose parents are in prison for doing really bad stuff. I still expect both adults and kids to stand up for them if they are being mistreated. Gimme a break.

That's exactly what's happening. I saw his bullying called "karma" and a whole host of disgusting things about a little boy. All because of this info that came out, which hasn't even been confirmed AFAIK.

[SKL]

Besides, her point isn't "feel sorry for me," it's "let's stop this nonsense everywhere."  That's the impression I got.

 

It's not like bullying is confined to one ideology.

[EMS83]

It happened to me as a kid.  It sucks, but oddly most kids don't tell.  I think we have it drilled into us that tattling is worse than whatever the other person is doing.  Also, I feel teachers and other adults often turn a blind eye - I guess that's easier than addressing the issue.

 

I talk to my kids fairly often about bullying and what they should do if they experience it or see it, but I still get concerned by some of the things my kids come home and tell me.  I don't think they always do the right thing, despite being taught.

 

One thing I remind my kids is that even if the recipient of words or behaviors is "playing along with the joke" or "laughing too," that doesn't make it right.  They have a choice to laugh or cry or blow up and get themselves in trouble.  Which one are most kids gonna do?  Kids who have some social capital need to speak up.

 

This is why I've always made a strong distinction between tattling and telling.  Tattling is trying to get someone into trouble when no one/nothing is being harmed.  Telling is getting someone out of trouble when someone/something is being (or might be) harmed.  Telling is good; always tell, no matter what.  Tattling's just annoying.

 

ETA: I didn't just come up with that on my own; I'm not sure where I first heard it, though.

Edited December 12, 2017 by CES2005

[Terabith]

I read an article that said this occurred directly after he called another child the n-word.  Still no excuse, but a different spin.

[itsheresomewhere]

They were talking about this on a radio show. Apparently, there are reports of some fighter inviting them out and the mom saying no and asking for money instead. If that is true, she is really exploiting her son worse than what I thought. No one deserves to be bullied but her behavior is also wrong and should be called out.

[Wheres Toto]

I read an article that said this occurred directly after he called another child the n-word.  Still no excuse, but a different spin.

 

That's what I've heard.  I'll try and find the article but the other kids are claiming that they were just trying to get him to stop making racist comments and he wouldn't stop.

 

ETA:  I'm still looking for it.  Looks like mom has raised over $50,000 with a GoFundMe.  I find the whole thing kind of icky, and I was bullied badly in school.  I feel for the kid but I'm not sure if it's because of the bullying or having to deal with his mom. 

Edited December 12, 2017 by Where's Toto?

[Annie G]

Like I said, I wonder if they will pull their support now.

 

Short answer: yes. 

 

Don Cheadle's Twitter is pretty interesting reading today.  Chris Evans invited the boy to their next movie premier and extended the invitation to the kid from both him and Cheadle. Yeah, he had to apologize for speaking for Cheadle. Anyway, it's been interesting. The story is probably complicated - sounds like the boy has been exposed to some pretty racist upbringing and who knows what happened...was he being a racist at school and it led to bullying? Was the bullying related at all? More to this story than we know, for sure.  

ETA: bullying, even as retaliation, is not nice. Being a racist is not acceptable At All. No winners here.  

Edited December 12, 2017 by Annie G

[underthebridge]

That's what I've heard. I'll try and find the article but the other kids are claiming that they were just trying to get him to stop making racist comments and he wouldn't stop.

 

ETA: I'm still looking for it. Looks like mom has raised over $50,000 with a GoFundMe. I find the whole thing kind of icky, and I was bullied badly in school. I feel for the kid but I'm not sure if it's because of the bullying or having to deal with his mom.

I feel like this story is a good example of how little we know about the real story behind these viral news items. First, we hear a firsthand heartbreaking account of being bullied. But it is recorded and put out there for everyone to see by his mother, which, regardless of underlying motive, has shades of self promotion. The public erupts, celebrities jump to befriend him and then his mother starts a Gofundme. What, exactly, are the funds for? Does sending money to a bullied child stop the bullying? What, exactly, will this money be used for? And then we find out that the mother has intolerant views and has possibly opened two different gofundme sites.

 

I may be in the minority, but I am instantly suspicious when I see parents trying to make a video of their kids go viral. To record your child’s outcry of pain over being bullied and send it out the world and then ask for money just seems very odd to me.

[Zinnia]

Nm

Edited December 12, 2017 by Zinnia

[TravelingChris]

The go fund me account was not by the mother but by some unrelated guy in NJ.

 

But yes, moms filming kids being heartbroken by bullying seems exploitive.

[Wheres Toto]

I feel like this story is a good example of how little we know about the real story behind these viral news items. First, we hear a firsthand heartbreaking account of being bullied. But it is recorded and put out there for everyone to see by his mother, which, regardless of underlying motive, has shades of self promotion. The public erupts, celebrities jump to befriend him and then his mother starts a Gofundme. What, exactly, are the funds for? Does sending money to a bullied child stop the bullying? What, exactly, will this money be used for? And then we find out that the mother has intolerant views and has possibly opened two different gofundme sites.

 

I may be in the minority, but I am instantly suspicious when I see parents trying to make a video of their kids go viral. To record your child’s outcry of pain over being bullied and send it out the world and then ask for money just seems very odd to me.

 

Exactly.  Even when it first came out, I thought it was weird.  What did mom do tell her kid to pause his crying for a second so she could get it on camera?  Who just sits there with a camera in their kids face while they cry like that?

 

According to the school the incidences he was crying about did happen, but they were resolved months ago.   So, I do feel bad for the kid for what he's had to put up with at school, but it does sound like the school has been dealing with it appropriately.  And I can't imagine having all this out there is going to help his situation.

 

From what I understand there are multiple GoFundMe accounts and one of them is a legitimate one from the mother.  One claims to be the "estranged" father.

[Scarlett]

Ugh. Well, I am totally doubting my ability to judge situations. He seems so sincere and sad.

 

But.....maybe he was sincere. Maybe he is bullied because he won't stop being a racist. I can't imagine his mother's planned it out like it ended up.....otherwise one would think she would take her FB down before it went viral.

[MEmama]

Exactly. Even when it first came out, I thought it was weird. What did mom do tell her kid to pause his crying for a second so she could get it on camera? Who just sits there with a camera in their kids face while they cry like that?

 

According to the school the incidences he was crying about did happen, but they were resolved months ago. So, I do feel bad for the kid for what he's had to put up with at school, but it does sound like the school has been dealing with it appropriately. And I can't imagine having all this out there is going to help his situation.

 

From what I understand there are multiple GoFundMe accounts and one of them is a legitimate one from the mother. One claims to be the "estranged" father.

My first reaction when I saw the story was that it seemed off and exploitive--for exactly the reasons you stated. How, exactly, does something like this get taped unless there is some motive behind it?

 

I admit I didn't watch it, but the immediate responses left me in tears. I'm choosing to focus on the goodness of the people who reached out to him, and not on the dark side this story was bound to have. I'm in a place where I HAVE to choose the good, or I'll sink.

[dirty ethel rackham]

When i was a kid suffering from bullies, concern about tattling wasnt even on my radar. I stopped talking about it because it didn't do anything but bring me MORE shame. The adults acted as if it was my fault for being a target. I never saw any of my bullied get punished. I was always told "it wasn't that bad." If I persisted, I was told that I had to stop (whatever behavior) to stop the bullies, like it was my responsibility. What I learned was that some kids just deserve to be treated badly. I've struggled with self-esteem issues all my life and this garbage happened in the 70s.

 

My mom and I had a conversation about bullying many years later when when of her grandsons was being bullied. She didn't call.ot.bullying because there was no blood. It was just a couple of kids being mean. When I mentioned how bad it was for.mw, she was shocked. She had no idea that the "kids being mean" wasn't an isolated incident, but a pattern that persisted for 6 years by the same kids. She said "why didn't you tell me?" I told her that I did, but that she blew it off and I felt shame so I stopped talking about it.

 

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

[MEmama]

When i was a kid suffering from bullies, concern about tattling wasnt even on my radar. I stopped talking about it because it didn't do anything but bring me MORE shame. The adults acted as if it was my fault for being a target. I never saw any of my bullied get punished. I was always told "it wasn't that bad." If I persisted, I was told that I had to stop (whatever behavior) to stop the bullies, like it was my responsibility. What I learned was that some kids just deserve to be treated badly. I've struggled with self-esteem issues all my life and this garbage happened in the 70s.

 

My mom and I had a conversation about bullying many years later when when of her grandsons was being bullied. She didn't call.ot.bullying because there was no blood. It was just a couple of kids being mean. When I mentioned how bad it was for.mw, she was shocked. She had no idea that the "kids being mean" wasn't an isolated incident, but a pattern that persisted for 6 years by the same kids. She said "why didn't you tell me?" I told her that I did, but that she blew it off and I felt shame so I stopped talking about it.

 

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

I could have written this, except my mother still wouldn't believe me if I told her now. Even back then she just wasn't a safe person to tell, so I kept it all to myself. It never occurred to me that adults might care or not blame on my "being too sensitive". Ditto on the self esteem issues, no doubt made so much worse by those hellish years.

[SKL]

I'd rather see a video of a kid alive and crying than another news story of a child who commited suicide over bullying.

 

If this made some people wake up, then so be it.

 

And to me, it seemed clear that the boy knew and approved of the fact that his crying was on video.  He sees his friends being bullied as well as himself.  He wants it to stop.  What is so terrible about that?  Has anything else worked?

[underthebridge]

Ugh. Well, I am totally doubting my ability to judge situations. He seems so sincere and sad.

 

But.....maybe he was sincere. Maybe he is bullied because he won't stop being a racist. I can't imagine his mother's planned it out like it ended up.....otherwise one would think she would take her FB down before it went viral.

Yes - so many maybes! I tend to jump to conclusions about the motives of the parents and perhaps you tend to jump to empathize with victims. But none of us know the whole story. Remember the Heene family balloon boy hoax? And the DaddyOFive YouTube family that lost custody of their kids? It is so easy to post our opinions to social media and comment on the lives of strangers without knowing any facts. I hope Keaton comes out of this ok. Whatever the story is, this turn of events with some celebrities offering things and others disparaging his mother's motives, can't be a positive development.

[shawthorne44]

When i was a kid suffering from bullies, concern about tattling wasnt even on my radar. I stopped talking about it because it didn't do anything but bring me MORE shame. The adults acted as if it was my fault for being a target. I never saw any of my bullied get punished. I was always told "it wasn't that bad." If I persisted, I was told that I had to stop (whatever behavior) to stop the bullies, like it was my responsibility. What I learned was that some kids just deserve to be treated badly. I've struggled with self-esteem issues all my life and this garbage happened in the 70s.

 

My mom and I had a conversation about bullying many years later when when of her grandsons was being bullied. She didn't call.ot.bullying because there was no blood. It was just a couple of kids being mean. When I mentioned how bad it was for.mw, she was shocked. She had no idea that the "kids being mean" wasn't an isolated incident, but a pattern that persisted for 6 years by the same kids. She said "why didn't you tell me?" I told her that I did, but that she blew it off and I felt shame so I stopped talking about it.

 

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

 

I think that happens a LOT more than people like to believe. 

 

I honestly think that my childhood would have been better if I weren't such a good, compliant kid.   If I had screamed and thrown a fit when stuff got really bad, then maybe they might have finally listened to me.  What am I saying?  I probably would have just been punished.  

 

eta: I don't think parents want to know about their kid being bullied because then they'd have to do something about it.   They don't feel like they can pull their kid out of school and they don't want to feel bad about sending their kid to a bad situation.  

Edited December 12, 2017 by shawthorne44

[catz]

I think it is often the case of middle school conflicts that there is back story. Sometimes kids feel like a victim even when something inadvertent happens. Boys especially at this age can impulse control lagging their growing bodies and they don't make good decisions. When I see something like this I always wonder what the back story is. Sometimes shy or awkward kids feel shunned when nothing was intentionally done. I did at times when less sensitive kids were just being themselves for sure.

 

I was bullied quite a bit during the middle school ages especially. I've taken the stance with my kids of empowering them. It's much easier to do this as a homeschooler. When a kid is mean to them now, they have no problem with saying stop that's not ok. They will stand up for other kids too when they see injustice. They avoid kids that regularly cause drama. So for us the key has been listening to the problem and then talking about why the other kid might have the motivation to be mean. What is WRONG with that kid? What can we do about that? When people lash out it's usually about them and not about the target of their lashing. I think the way a typical middle school is laid out is not conducive to parents being able to micro manage interactions at an age where a bunch of hormonal, brain partially engaged kids are butting heads regularly. And it's not that I haven't alerted teachers or other adults to problems - I do when I think it might be helpful. It's not a good set up and even the best middle schools have drama. Our homeschool co-op has moved to a model of peer mediation where both parties are allowed to talk about their feelings with someone mediating the conversation. That has worked really well with this age group.

 

And I'm of the mind set that anything you put out on the internet of your kids should not be something they may be embarrassed about later. This kid might be looking for jobs and employers might be able to draw on their memory of this including that his mother may be a racist. I'm also opposed to reality shows with kids on them. I think all those kids are being exploited. Kids to young adults should be able to reinvent themselves without having a bunch of dirt out there on them. And I talk to my own kids about that as they start to use social media. Could your grandmother see it? Could a future college or employer see it? If not, don't put it out there.

Edited December 12, 2017 by WoolySocks

[SKL]

I think one problem is that when we talk about bullying with our kids, we tend to be black and white (like with most advice), when at the middle school level, it's really a complex issue.  Kids have a strong need for the approval of their peers at school and so it's a lot harder to rock the boat.  It's kind of like "just say no" to an addict being offered a drug.  It's not that simple when you are already a part of the scene.

 

And I am not sure they are wired at that age to empathize with the othered kid.  How many times my kids have described a situation and I've said "what was ___ feeling?"  And it hadn't apparently occurred to them to check.  Or maybe they just don't want me to know that they saw a problem and didn't fix it when they could.

 

Things that work with younger kids or older kids don't work the same in middle school.

[catz]

I think one problem is that when we talk about bullying with our kids, we tend to be black and white (like with most advice), when at the middle school level, it's really a complex issue.  Kids have a strong need for the approval of their peers at school and so it's a lot harder to rock the boat.  It's kind of like "just say no" to an addict being offered a drug.  It's not that simple when you are already a part of the scene.

 

And I am not sure they are wired at that age to empathize with the othered kid.  How many times my kids have described a situation and I've said "what was ___ feeling?"  And it hadn't apparently occurred to them to check.  Or maybe they just don't want me to know that they saw a problem and didn't fix it when they could.

 

Things that work with younger kids or older kids don't work the same in middle school.

 

Oh I tend to agree.  Getting to that point is a process that takes years and tons of discussion.  But it's more empowering than just allowing your child to feel like a victim when they may not actually be the other kids motivation at all.  These interactions don't occur in a vacuum and discouraging black and white thinking is a positive thing IMO.  It's also a thing many adults aren't great at either.   

[Catwoman]

I'd rather see a video of a kid alive and crying than another news story of a child who commited suicide over bullying.

 

If this made some people wake up, then so be it.

 

And to me, it seemed clear that the boy knew and approved of the fact that his crying was on video.  He sees his friends being bullied as well as himself.  He wants it to stop.  What is so terrible about that?  Has anything else worked?

Also, he's still such a young kid. Even if he made racist remarks, I blame that on his mother, not on him, and I hope other people in his life will be able to influence him enough for him to realize that he doesn't have to believe the same things his mother believes. But right now, he sees that his mom loves him and wants to protect him, and he views the kids at school as being mean bullies. It's not hard to imagine why he feels that way.

 

No matter what, I still feel sorry for a little boy who is crying because he's scared and upset and who feels like the other kids are being mean and hurtful to him. Also, he said kids were mean to him because he's different. Is he disabled in any way? Is he on the spectrum? Do the other kids make fun of the way he looks? Are we really sure this is about racism, or is that just an excuse the bullies are making to justify their behavior? I'm not sure who to believe.

 

There are so many unanswered questions here.

 

One thing I will say, though, is that I think the money grab is ridiculous. The kid is being bullied. He doesn't need money for an operation. There is no need for money here, unless the goal was to be able to pay for the kid to go to a different school and the mom couldn't afford the tuition.

[SKL]

Yeah, I think the money stuff is a separate issue.  I don't know if the mom had any $$ intentions when she posted the video.  If she did, shame on her.  But given how hard it is to separate truth from lies on the internet, I'm going to stay out of that discussion.  It does amaze me that people allow their adult opinions and biases to influence how their heart feels about a kid in tears.

[underthebridge]

Yeah, I think the money stuff is a separate issue. I don't know if the mom had any $$ intentions when she posted the video. If she did, shame on her. But given how hard it is to separate truth from lies on the internet, I'm going to stay out of that discussion. It does amaze me that people allow their adult opinions and biases to influence how their heart feels about a kid in tears.

I agree, we will probably never know what the real motivations were. But we should all be aware that people can range from hearbreakingly sincere to indefensibly deceptive when it comes to viral stories like this. Remember the lady who posted all those sad photos of no one showing up to her shower? Strangers generously bought her hundreds of gifts from her registry and she was found out to be a fraud.

 

http://nymag.com/selectall/2017/07/sad-baby-shower-tweet-was-possibly-a-scam.html

 

There was another case of a mother doing the same thing with her daughter’s birthday a while ago. It’s rare but I think people learn by watching others. These stories are so disturbing to me that I only give when I personally know the people involved or to a verified non profit.

[Scarlett]

I agree, we will probably never know what the real motivations were. But we should all be aware that people can range from hearbreakingly sincere to indefensibly deceptive when it comes to viral stories like this. Remember the lady who posted all those sad photos of no one showing up to her shower? Strangers generously bought her hundreds of gifts from her registry and she was found out to be a fraud.

 

http://nymag.com/selectall/2017/07/sad-baby-shower-tweet-was-possibly-a-scam.html

 

There was another case of a mother doing the same thing with her daughter’s birthday a while ago. It’s rare but I think people learn by watching others. These stories are so disturbing to me that I only give when I personally know the people involved or to a verified non profit.

 

 

 

Me too...I walked by a women at Wal Mart the other night....she had a young kid standing by her and the woman was holding a sign that said, 'need food.'   I kept on walking...but it really upset me.  I kept thinking about them for days.  

[SKL]

Well I didn't even see a request for $$ but what I did see was something that DOES happen.  I can't imagine why someone would fake it, but even if they did, there is no faking the fact that bullying exists and can be extremely destructive to the point of child suicide.  Adults need to address it.

 

Don't give money online unless you are close to 100% sure how it's going to be used.  Regardless of anything else.

[underthebridge]

Me too...I walked by a women at Wal Mart the other night....she had a young kid standing by her and the woman was holding a sign that said, 'need food.' I kept on walking...but it really upset me. I kept thinking about them for days.

A few years ago I gave $10 to a pregnant women holding a sign saying “Pregnant, homeless, kicked out by parents†outside a drugstore. She was young and looked to be about 7 or 8 months pregnant. Four months later, I saw her in front of a different drugstore in the same state of pregnancy with the exact same sign. I felt duped but I still felt so sorry for her.

[MedicMom]

To be honest, I had a Facebook post go viral last summer. It was never meant for anyone but my close circle of friends, but it wound up with almost a hundred thousand shares. I did have offers of money and even from one or two “celebritiesâ€( i hadn’t heard of them, but apparently they were the real deal—one, who requested I never mention her name, paid off some outstanding medical bills from my son’s NICU stay. She negotiated directly with the hospital). I turned all of them down(the celebrity went through my Facebook and found the pictures of my son and the hospital’s name and called them to see if they could get in touch with me and get my permission for her to pay off our significant and outstanding bill).

 

But I never once meant for any of that to happen.

[itsheresomewhere]

To be honest, I had a Facebook post go viral last summer. It was never meant for anyone but my close circle of friends, but it wound up with almost a hundred thousand shares. I did have offers of money and even from one or two “celebritiesâ€( i hadn’t heard of them, but apparently they were the real deal—one, who requested I never mention her name, paid off some outstanding medical bills from my son’s NICU stay. She negotiated directly with the hospital). I turned all of them down(the celebrity went through my Facebook and found the pictures of my son and the hospital’s name and called them to see if they could get in touch with me and get my permission for her to pay off our significant and outstanding bill).

 

But I never once meant for any of that to happen.

What a wonderful person! Paying off a bill was such a nice way to show support and she knew that would take some weight off your back.

 

I remember your post then. It was a beautiful post.

Edited December 12, 2017 by itsheresomewhere

[underthebridge]

To be honest, I had a Facebook post go viral last summer. It was never meant for anyone but my close circle of friends, but it wound up with almost a hundred thousand shares. I did have offers of money and even from one or two “celebritiesâ€( i hadn’t heard of them, but apparently they were the real deal—one, who requested I never mention her name, paid off some outstanding medical bills from my son’s NICU stay. She negotiated directly with the hospital). I turned all of them down(the celebrity went through my Facebook and found the pictures of my son and the hospital’s name and called them to see if they could get in touch with me and get my permission for her to pay off our significant and outstanding bill).

 

But I never once meant for any of that to happen.

Thank you for posting this. That was a lovely thing to happen and I wish all stories went this way - someone is in a tough situation, another person is in a position to help and does so, and no one is defending their Facebook photos in a tabloid, or getting into twitter battles with strangers.