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The Should I Stay or Should I Go? Teachers Lounge 12-7-2017

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Morning.

 

Today's theme stems from the fact that I received a message from my sister stating hospice said

my mom only has a week or two left to live. So now, I'm trying to decide how soon to leave to drive to the midwest (from Arizona), do I take the kids with me, and do I rent a car or just make sure mine is up to snuff (not sure which is the least expensive at this point). Do I stay and wait for a further word or do I just go and see what happens? Blah.  :closedeyes: 

 

Anyone else dealing with a parent not long for this earth? Here: see above.

 

How am I supposed to focus on kids getting their schooling done with this weighing on me?

 

Anyone else traveling this month? Here: whenever I go, I'm heavily leaning on taking the kids with me, as we could then also drive from Illinois to see my MIL in Michigan. And maybe spend Christmas with cousins. I just don't know at this point.

 

Talk to me! :bigear: 

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If you feel like it's risky to wait, then go sooner. I didn't go visit my grandma the last time dh and the kids went. I needed a break and time to myself in the house to clean. I thought I'd see her at her birthday or something. She died before then. With children I would hesitate to rent a car, just because of the stress of keeping it clean lol. But that's just me. It really depends on how reliable your car is.

 

I think it's fine to give them independent work or slack off school a little bit. But I'm pretty disorganized right now so not the best person to answer. I told ds to do his math the other day and he couldn't even find the folder. I found it this morning and I have to organize the pages. He already managed to go out or order.

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Go now. Take a child if it makes sense. Rent a car if needed.  Big hugs to you. I'm so sorry you and your whole family are dealing with this. It's very hard.  :grouphug:

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Keep in mind my kids are 19 and 13. No, the 19yo doesn't drive yet ( a story for another time). But when we did a similar drive 9 years ago, they did really well. I'm sure they'll do fine this time around, too. I'm really leaning towards using one of our own cars if and when we go. I might just hijack my husbands car for a couple of weeks as his is a Highlander, so a bit more cabin space than my Camry. Now, it's just figuring out finances, specifically for lodging and meals, on the way. And when to leave, of course!

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I'm so sorry! I'm sitting here crying as I'm remembering losing my mom 3.5 years ago. I still miss her so very much. My life really hasn't been the same since in so many ways. 

 

Go, Scrap as soon as you can, and do whatever it takes to make it happen. I didn't go see my mom as planned because our washing machine went out and we had to buy a new one. A washing machine! She went into the coma the next day. I had seen her the weekend before, and I did talk to her on the phone. I wish so much I had gone and seen her that one last chance. 

 

Take the kids and don't worry about school. School can wait or be modified. You'll never get this chance back, and they will learn so much about family and what it means to be with those we love in their times of need that it will be a schooling in life instead of the books. 

 

Again, I'm so sorry and pray comfort for you all and a peaceful passing for her! 

 

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I agree, go! Don't wait. Take your kids. In whichever car will be least hassle/safest. That's a long way and it's winter.

 

I have done long distance travel with a dying parent. It was 20 years ago and I still miss my dad. Especially at Christmas! Like Amy, I thought I'd get one more visit, but didn't.

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I agree with go as soon as you are able to. Sorry you are going through this  :grouphug:

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:grouphug:   ((hugs)) I agree, go if it's at all possible.   I wouldn't worry about school for a week or two or at least cut back to one or two most important subjects.

 

FIL was told almost a year ago that he could go anytime, so we're basically just waiting.

MIL is healthier but is 82 years old.

My dad is turning 80 in April and isn't in great health.

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I'm working on going. Haven't talked to dh about it yet. Just let him know the news. I'm still in the processing and planning stages. 

Right now it looks like we wouldn't leave until the 14th or the 18th. Just don't know for sure yet. 

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: sorry, scrap. I can't give you any suggestions except drive safely, get off the road when you need to, go ASAP. I lost my mother 21 yrs. ago. It was too soon and not what I had ever expected. 

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Thanks, all. We've known for years this was coming, even my mom knew - since her mom went the same way.

But that doesn't prepare you, really, for when it actually happens. Or how rapidly the dementia takes over.

Obviously no schooling got done today. I'll keep you informed as I know more. Thanks for all the encouragement!

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I am so sorry. I say go asap! I vote take the kids as mine are always a comfort and I'd be a wreck without them. I always have to stay strong for them, so it keeps me from falling apart which I don't like to do. As far as school, don't even think about right now. Do what you can do. Only you know what's right for you, but this would work for me. Once again :grouphug: I am very sorry.

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