Questions about Santa?

[JustEm]

What I don't understand is adults who refuse to let children acknowledge that Santa is pretend. We have had more than one instance where my child responds to "what's Santa bringing you" with something about how "it's actually Mommy and Daddy," and the adults try to convince the child that it really and truly is Santa. This happens even when the child has said "Mommy and Daddy told me" that Santa is pretend. I don't get why it's so important to these other adults to make my children believe in Santa. (And it's not because other children are around and hearing them. We've talked about not spoiling the fun for families that like to do it that way.)

I think it is because some adults can't comprehend why an adult would ruin it for their child, so they're trying to fix it.

 

Note, I don't believe it is ruining it just offer what they may think

[Tanaqui]

Well, they need to get the heck over themselves.

[Sneezyone]

My girl got caught between a believer and a non-believer once, two other girls when they were all around 11. She said it seemed to be really important to the non-believer that the believer be told the truth. (I have since come to suspect that the non-believer was on the autism spectrum, for other reasons but this seemed to fit as well.) When the mothers became aware of the problem, the believer's mom was angry, and the non-believer's mom couldn't understand why, since after all her daughter had been telling the truth. I think I took my girl out to a cafe as a treat for trying to negotiate the mess on her own - she had been trying to change the subject and move on, but non-believer wouldn't let go.

TBH, this boy may have been too. The parent immediately clapped a hand over his mouth and whispered into his ear. It was still off putting tho.

[Mimm]

I never did Santa. I don't understand "Christmas magic" being wrapped up in Santa. My kids have always been super excited about Christmas and absolutely loved it. I keep the gifts hidden in my room till Christmas Eve night after they go to bed. So they enjoy sneaking out of bed on Christmas morning to look at gifts and feel around on overstuffed stockings. My kids were so excited for Christmas that one year they decided they would sleep as much as possible to make the time pass faster. Every time they were freaking out because Christmas was too far away, they'd run to their room and try to nap. It was hilarious.

 

I think if you attach the magic and fun of Christmas to Santa, when Santa is gone, so is the magic. But if the magic is just there in the holiday itself, in the good feelings and mood and fun you create for yourself, then there's nothing to destroy and it lasts forever. My teens are still giddy about Christmas. :)

 

Also, I have some serious problems with the Santa story. It's manipulative (be good so you get toys) and it's unfair (Santa clearly loves Timmy more than John because he brought Timmy an Xbox and John only got some snow boots. I guess he likes the kids of lawyers better than kids whose fathers were unemployed for a good portion last year). And it's a lie that goes on way too long for some kids. I can't tell you how many stories I've heard about kids who believed later than their parents expected so they were embarrassed and angry when they found out the truth. Sorry if this offends, but I don't see the advantage to Santa.

 

Edited December 6, 2017 by Mimm

[8circles]

My kids knew from the get-go that Santa is pretend. We also do Sv. Mikulas on the 6th so they also know all about where Santa came from.

 

My kids have been told repeatedly to not talk about Santa being pretend with other kids - to my knowledge they never have. I can't say that I'd be able to get that worked up about it if it ever happened. Not my kid's job to keep up the charade of other families. I'm a grown adult and sometimes I forget that Santa is so important to some people - can't expect my kids to remember better than I do.

[Mimm]

I will say that I like some of the answers on this thread about Santa being a game of pretend that some people like to play. I've just heard of parents outright lying to their kids and going through a lot of trouble to keep their kids fooled. Like putting out half chewed carrots, reindeer hoofprints in the snow, and getting up on the roof so the kids hear Santa land on the house.

[SKL]

EXACT same here, except Santa isn't tired. Well, Santa is exhausted, but loves it :)

 

Now, ask me again when I'm wrapping every darned little stocking gift in colored tissue paper. Sigh. THAT is a tradition I wish I hadn't kept from my own childhood. Dear me that takes forever on Christmas eve!!!! (we OVERDO stockings......what fits in the stocking is about 1/3 of what they get...it's ridiculous but it's also a family tradition...even in the lean years when the budget squeaks it is so tight.)

 

I tried for small stockings like I had as a kid, but alas, the nanny bought my kids mega ones that look sad if I don't fill them up.  :/

 

This year I might just not wrap the stocking gifts.

 

[SKL]

What I don't understand is adults who refuse to let children acknowledge that Santa is pretend. We have had more than one instance where my child responds to "what's Santa bringing you" with something about how "it's actually Mommy and Daddy," and the adults try to convince the child that it really and truly is Santa. This happens even when the child has said "Mommy and Daddy told me" that Santa is pretend. I don't get why it's so important to these other adults to make my children believe in Santa. (And it's not because other children are around and hearing them. We've talked about not spoiling the fun for families that like to do it that way.)

 

Adults enjoy playing the game, and it is OK for kids to know that.  Would you get mad if an adult tried to get your kid excited about the local pro sports though your family isn't into sports?  Or an adult who dresses up for Halloween or likes Disney World?

 

Of course I wouldn't say "your parents are wrong," but "Oh, I believe, Santa comes to my house every year" is OK IMO.  If the child understands "the truth," then the child understands it's a game all ages like to play.

[SKL]

I will say that I like some of the answers on this thread about Santa being a game of pretend that some people like to play. I've just heard of parents outright lying to their kids and going through a lot of trouble to keep their kids fooled. Like putting out half chewed carrots, reindeer hoofprints in the snow, and getting up on the roof so the kids hear Santa land on the house.

 

I'm in-between on the "lie" part of it.  I think it's great while the kid is still at the developmental age when make-believe seems possible.  By about age 5 I think it's time to stop going all out to fake it.  I mean the extent to which people will go to convince their kids of the faultiness or even naughtiness of their natural, logical conclusion that the North Pole Santa isn't real.  At some point that isn't "fun" any more.

[ktgrok]

I think if you attach the magic and fun of Christmas to Santa, when Santa is gone, so is the magic. But if the magic is just there in the holiday itself, in the good feelings and mood and fun you create for yourself, then there's nothing to destroy and it lasts forever. My teens are still giddy about Christmas. :)

 

Also, I have some serious problems with the Santa story. It's manipulative (be good so you get toys) and it's unfair (Santa clearly loves Timmy more than John because he brought Timmy an Xbox and John only got some snow boots. I guess he likes the kids of lawyers better than kids whose fathers were unemployed for a good portion last year). And it's a lie that goes on way too long for some kids. I can't tell you how many stories I've heard about kids who believed later than their parents expected so they were embarrassed and angry when they found out the truth. Sorry if this offends, but I don't see the advantage to Santa.

 

To the first point, no..because Santa isn't ever the whole holiday, just a fun part of it. And we still "play" Santa for the ones that know he isn't real. Santa was still magical to me my whole life, not just as a kid :)

 

Also, we, like many others, say that being good helps, but Santa, like God, is generous and gives to us even when we don't deserve it. We also are careful to give modest gifts from Santa, and the expensive ones from mom and dad. (and only one Santa gift) because of the issue of other kids not getting as much. 

 

As for the rest, no one in my extended family has been angry about Santa. It's a big deal to be "grown up" enough to know the truth. We also don't spill the beans right before Christmas...another time of year or right after is better to have that talk.

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[ktgrok]

I will say that I like some of the answers on this thread about Santa being a game of pretend that some people like to play. I've just heard of parents outright lying to their kids and going through a lot of trouble to keep their kids fooled. Like putting out half chewed carrots, reindeer hoofprints in the snow, and getting up on the roof so the kids hear Santa land on the house.

 

We do this kind of stuff. So did my parents, and their parents. No lifelong trauma or issues with truth telling have come of it. Just fun and fantasy. 

[vonfirmath]

TBH, this boy may have been too. The parent immediately clapped a hand over his mouth and whispered into his ear. It was still off putting tho.

 

I could easily see that being my son. He's VERY literal. Very black and white.( A lot like me actually) Which is why, though we did not pretend Santa we also did not make a big deal of it. With the hope if not doing Santa was not a big deal at home, that he wouldn't see it as a big deal at school and would just "go along"  -- which seems like it worked. At the least, I have heard no complaints. He's 5th grade now so mostly beyond the issue. I did let early elementary school teachers know we did not play santa at home so they could head things off if they seemed to be heading in a bad direction for the class as a whole.

[Chris in VA]

We never did Santa, preferring to tell the story of St. Nick. Worked for us. Ds did tell someone at preschool that "Santa is dead." Oh well. A momentary upset that probably won't leave scars. We said the store Santas were helpers, and told how the marketing companies came up with the current outfit/look of the American version of Santa. But not til 4 or 5. 

 

I think it's pretty "magical" that Jesus came. And I like that St. Nicholas was a good guy, helping girls who didn't have dowries, and pretty macho, too--he once punched an Arian heretic (heretic according to the orthodox church--not to offend you Arians out there). 

 

Did you know they've dated a relic bone that is supposed to be from St. Nicholas, and it came out as being from the "right" time period? 

 

I think that's a neat thing to share this Christmas.