Misunderstood again

[Andani]

I was next in line at the register. The lady in front of me had been given her total, handed the cashier some bills, and was searching in her pockets for more.

I said "What do you need?"

 

And was promptly told, "You need to be patient, ma'am. We all had to wait a long time. "

 

I said, "Oh,no. I just thought I'd help you. I have change."

 

She said,"I thought you didn't want to wait."

 

Am I missing something? I was so embarrassed. Next time I guess I'll just mind my own business.

[amy g.]

So sorry! That sounds awful.

[Arcadia]

I was asked “how many quarters you need?†or “what coins do you need?†when paying at fast food and there was only one or two persons behind me in the line. (ETA: at places I was asked, I was a regular customer there and so are the people asking me)

 

I would be confused if you have asked me “What do you need?†as I rummage through my coin purse for the correct denominations. The lady in front of you could have ask you to clarify, she might just be having a bad day and did not mean to snap at you.

Edited November 29, 2017 by Arcadia

[gardenmom5]

what you're missing is most people aren't kind, they're impatient and often demanding - and people expect snark and rudeness from strangers, not kindness.

 

you deserve kudos for wanting to help.  keep doing that.

[nixpix5]

She was feeling self conscious probably about taking time getting her money out and was probably making assumptions wither consciously or subconsciously that people were annoyed. When you asked she probably misinterpreted with her own self conscious template. I wouldn't take offense. We only view and interpret the world based on our own well laid mental schemas and templates. I have seen the reverse happen where someone is being snarky and sarcastic but the person interprets it as true kindness. It is interesting isn't it? I know that is embarrassing but don't change who you are. Rewire people's templates one glass half empty person at a time :)

Edited November 29, 2017 by nixpix5

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Oh, that sucks!  I would have immediately understood what you meant as I've used the same line in a similar situation.  You could try instead, "I've got some spare change here, what do you need?" but to me, it was obvious what you were saying.  *shrug*

[momacacia]

Yep, her problem not yours. Horribly rude to tell someone else that they need to be patient. She needs to get over herself.

[Cosmos]

I don't understand why you are embarrassed. She misunderstood at first, but then you clarified. She acknowledged your response and explained her reaction. After that you both understood each other. Doesn't that resolve the situation?

[J-rap]

She was probably mostly concerned about how long she was taking and felt badly about it.  I wouldn't take it personally.  (I also think it was really nice of you to ask!)

 

[Zebra]

You were clearly trying to be nice, but in a situation like that I can see where someone misinterpreted you.   I really can't imagine ever offering to give someone change if they had it, but were just looking for it.  It could be taken as, you were trying to give them change to hurry them along.   

 

Anyway, it sounds like you straightened it out with her.

 

 

[mom@shiloh]

It would have been clear to me that you were just trying to be helpful, but I agree that she was probably already frazzled and maybe had already had some rude encounters that day, so she took it out on you.  I understand you feeling embarrassed though.  Strangers being rude to me always hurts my feelings, especially if I'm trying to be nice.  Being misunderstood is frustrating.

[Xahm]

I'm sure she feels far, far more embarrassed about the whole thing. I'd feel awkward if I were you. If I were her I'd want the earth to swallow me. I'd get over it, but I'd remember it a long while and hope it reminded me to make kinder assumptions in the future.

[EMS83]

Goodness, it sounds like you handled it super gracefully.  I would have floundered after being told to be patient, I think.   :o

Don't let it discourage you!   :grouphug:

[Mimm]

Sounds like a simple misunderstanding. I don't think you did anything wrong at all, but in the future to avoid being misunderstood, maybe be super clear about it? "Are you looking for change? I have some if you need it." Of course then they'll probably get offended that you're accusing them of being too poor or disorganized or whatever. ;)

[itsheresomewhere]

what you're missing is most people aren't kind, they're impatient and often demanding - and people expect snark and rudeness from strangers, not kindness.

 

you deserve kudos for wanting to help. keep doing that.

I agree with this.

[marbel]

If I was digging around frantically in my purse for change to pay for groceries, I would be super self-conscious and, well, frantic.  To the point that if someone spoke to me, it would be amazing if I even registered the comment as being addressed to me, let alone understood it correctly and have the ability to respond properly.  

 

I'm sorry she responded in such a negative way.  I might have done the same without meaning to.  

 

I've been behind people who took a while coming up with the money.  While I waited I pulled out some cash and was ready to ask the cashier "how much do they need?" but, they always ended up finding it. 

 

It was nice of you to try.  :-)

 

 

[Aura]

what you're missing is most people aren't kind, they're impatient and often demanding - and people expect snark and rudeness from strangers, not kindness.

 

you deserve kudos for wanting to help.  keep doing that.

 

Interesting. My experience actually disagrees with this. After working as a cashier and in customer service, I found that most people are kind and generous. I could deal with hundreds of people a day, and most would be pleasant and helpful. Nowadays, if I'm doing errands, most people I encounter are nice. But, boy, the ones that aren't are wayyyy more memorable!

 

OP...I agree that she was probably frazzled and self-conscious. You were sweet to try to help! And while you may have been misunderstood at first, your clarification may have helped to encourage and/or calm her.  :grouphug:

[Elizabeth86]

:lol: you are a lot nicer than me. I would have told her my intentions then told her to shove it. I'm an angry pregnant lady right now. I feel you all on her misunderstand what Imt trying to say all the time. It's frsutrating.

[Spryte]

What a sweet thing they do!

 

I hope you’ll try again, and get better results!

 

She was probably embarrassed. Her issue, not yours.

[SparklyUnicorn]

maybe "how much do you need" would have been more specific...but really I wouldn't overthink it...she probably felt bad she was holding up the line or was feeling frazzled at the moment

 

 

[KrissiK]

what you're missing is most people aren't kind, they're impatient and often demanding - and people expect snark and rudeness from strangers, not kindness.

 

you deserve kudos for wanting to help. keep doing that.

This is what I would think, too, which is all the more reason to make more of an effort to be kind. People need kindness. Don’t stop being kind, but expect that you may be understood.

[Storygirl]

I'm sorry you were misunderstood when you were trying to be nice.

 

We were misunderstood ourselves in line the other day, though I didn't know it until too late to address it directly. I bought my daughter a pack of gum, and the cashier handed it to her to put in her pocket, instead of putting it in the bag. When we got to the car, DD said that the people in line behind us thought she was stealing. She heard a little girl ask her mom why DD was putting gum in her pocket. The mom responded, "Some people steal, honey," and gave DD a mean look.

 

I was really upset when DD mentioned this, but we were in the car on the way home when DD told me, so I couldn't do anything about it, other than to tell DD that it is okay to speak up to defend oneself.  I'm glad that you were able to fix the misunderstanding that you experienced.

[jewellsmommy]

I'm sorry you were misunderstood when you were trying to be nice.

 

We were misunderstood ourselves in line the other day, though I didn't know it until too late to address it directly. I bought my daughter a pack of gum, and the cashier handed it to her to put in her pocket, instead of putting it in the bag. When we got to the car, DD said that the people in line behind us thought she was stealing. She heard a little girl ask her mom why DD was putting gum in her pocket. The mom responded, "Some people steal, honey," and gave DD a mean look.

 

I was really upset when DD mentioned this, but we were in the car on the way home when DD told me, so I couldn't do anything about it, other than to tell DD that it is okay to speak up to defend oneself.  I'm glad that you were able to fix the misunderstanding that you experienced.

 

:sad:  Sorry for your dd. That's awful. 

 

My dd seems to have a special knack for being misunderstood, so I understand how you feel.

[Tanaqui]

When we got to the car, DD said that the people in line behind us thought she was stealing. She heard a little girl ask her mom why DD was putting gum in her pocket. The mom responded, "Some people steal, honey," and gave DD a mean look.

 

And some people make snotty, passive-aggressive comments.

 

Seriously, if you legitimately think somebody is shoplifting in the checkout line, why not tell a. the cashier or b. their mom? (I assume none of us would want to make a big deal over a small child who probably doesn't know better, but politely telling Mom is worlds better than glaring.)

 

Edited November 29, 2017 by Tanaqui

[MissShellyA]

You didn't do anything wrong. She was probably just feeling a little pressure/embarrassment that she wasn't prepared and expected hostility from a stranger instead of kindness. You keep doing your thing!

[Garga]

Sometimes normally nice people do mean things.  I'd assume the other lady was frazzled and that's why she misunderstood and is probably feeling like a heel for snarking at someone who was trying to help her.  She's probably way more embarrassed than you right now.

 

I usually feel like I'm taking a risk by talking to strangers because I am easily intimidated by people, so when I put myself out there and talk to them and then they misunderstand or are snarky...that can hit hard and last for a long time.  It can make you feel bad for the whole day.  I get it! 

[Andani]

Thanks for the encouraging responses! I appreciate them so much.

[OrganicJen]

Honestly I'm thankful that you posted this because it's a reminder to me that there are still some decent and kind people in the world like you. Please don't change just because this lady was rude. Our family has been dealing with so many dishonest and cruel people lately that I get a bit down thinking about how horrible so many people seem to be, so I appreciate being reminded that there are still decent people out there.

[Alicia64]

You were being a kind human being. Please don't stop. Everyone realized that you'd been misunderstood.

 

Alley