Kids knowing parent's income

[Arcadia]

My youngest child has friends who compare their parents' income levels, housing costs, etc.....we just don't feel the need to tell him how much we make because he now seems obsessed with it (Public School in a wealthier area.)

...

Our income would sound very large to a young teen with no expenses, and even though he has done the Crown Financial for teens, I am not sure he fully gets it.

The neighborhood kids do ask each other about family income. It comes and goes in waves though so maybe a kid started asking and started another wave of questions about family income.

 

I do think it is easy for my kids to understand splitting up $100 birthday money into maybe $40 for a want and $60 to save. It is harder for my kids to understand splitting up the same $100 into $10 for want and $90 for savings. My husband would tell the kids to put everything in the bank until I told him that was why I rejected my dad’s birthday money as a kid until my dad let me spend some of it.

 

My kids just think their dad is a Scrooge and they always tell him he is penny wise pound foolish. So it would be worse if they knew his paycheck amount.

Edited November 23, 2017 by Arcadia

[Scarlett]

Yeah, she wrote that, but I guess I feel pretty good at reading between the lines because I know "the discussion" that goes on with money and inheritances with many who have more. There are enough examples where it does ruin/significantly change the receiver to be cautious IME, esp if one senses red flags.

 

I sense no such red flags with my guys, so I don't feel it will be a problem here. Just because kids are our offspring doesn't make them always share our personality or values though. They are them, not mini-us.

 

There's a different argument I sometimes hear about how kids don't deserve the money because they didn't earn it themselves. They should work their way up the way dad and/or mom did regardless of their personality. That one I really despise. Why hinder kids needlessly? But if the boardie you quoted had meant that they would have said they were leaving them essentially nothing.

So elite equals believe in my post.

 

I don't think there are red flags with OP children either. They sound like lovely kids. I can't imagine leaving most of my money to charity instead of my kids less they were addicts of some sort.

 

But I don't have much. My son will get some life insurance if I die in the next 20 years. Otherwise, there is nothing.

[creekland]

So elite equals believe in my post.

 

I don't think there are red flags with OP children either. They sound like lovely kids. I can't imagine leaving most of my money to charity instead of my kids less they were addicts of some sort.

 

But I don't have much. My son will get some life insurance if I die in the next 20 years. Otherwise, there is nothing.

 

Being the queen of typos and totally understanding autocorrect, I figured out what you meant.  ;)

 

I also think there's a difference when one doesn't have much and when one does.  A kid inheriting a couple hundred thousand (or less) is hardly going to be able to be super foolish for long.  If I recall correctly, even Bill Gates is not planning on leaving all of his wealth to his kids, but enough for them to get a decent start.  Chances are that "enough" is far more than my kids will get inheriting "it all" from us.

 

I know I'm ok if my parents were to decide to leave their money to charity.  I feel it's their money and they get to decide what to do with it.  I've been actively encouraging my mom to use hers doing things she wants to do telling her if she dies with a penny in the bank she will have been successful.  She wants to leave us some.  That's fine.  My kids feel the same way - or at least they tell us they do.  Some families fight over inheritances.  Ours doesn't.  I like it that way.  Not every family is that way though.

[Katy]

I personally think that money just amplifies who you already are - crappy character?  Money will make that pretty obvious to everyone.  Heart of a saint?  That will be more clear too. 

 

Having said that, it's pretty common (according to Paul Fussell) for the upper middle class to abhor the idea of leaving a child enough to never have to work, whereas the upper class typically have enough inherited wealth to never have to work, even if their net worth is significantly less than that of an upper middle class couple. And most people want to be upper middle class - work, have high paying careers, etc.

[creekland]

They are lovely children but you value what you earn.

 

...

 

They are getting something. It also may depend on how long we live. In a few years we will start living off the money, so there will be less. If they are 50ish when we die and they have been responsible then we may revisit it. But if we were die soon...

 

I have the same philosopy as Bill Gates and Warren Buffet:

 

As for how much to pass on to your kids, Buffett once offered a good rule of thumb: The perfect amount to leave to your kids, he told Fortune in 1986, is ''enough money so that they would feel they could do anything, but not so much that they could do nothing.''

 

https://www.cnbc.com/2016/09/26/warren-buffett-bill-gates-have-similar-ideas-on-how-much-money-to-leave-kids.html

FWIW, I don't feel you need to detail out amounts here. I'm fine letting IRL folk's know what's going on. It seems weird to post too much online - even on the Hive.

 

Your view is not abnormal at all regarding inheritance. We Boardies may not all share it for our own families, but being different doesn't mean "wrong." I know plenty of folks who share your views and I don't think any less of them. I only feel sorry for those who leave nothing for their kids (esp when the kids are normal).

 

Edited to remove private info.

Edited November 23, 2017 by creekland

[Scarlett]

 

never mind

I don't believe that we only value what we earn. I do agree very young adults should not be handed millions especially if they have lost their parents and become orphans. There are ways to handle that though...setting it up to be be gradually released to them. But whatever. You of course are free to handle your money how you see fit. Something about money ruining people irked me is all. Just like it does when people misquote the scripture and say 'money is the root of all evil.'

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Is there a reason you don't tell them? Is it just because that's how it was when you were a kid?

 

Kelly

 

We don't tell.  If we had less, we might tell them because it would be a very real object lesson about handling personal finances and living on a budget.  But, the truth is, we live far below our means, and they don't know it.  There may be a time when they will find out that we are worth a lot more than we let them know about, but while they're growing up and developing their sense of the value of hard work, getting an education, saving, budgeting, and making choices, we don't see the value in them knowing that their parents have money, but are unwilling to spend it on them.  

[Scarlett]

We don't tell. If we had less, we might tell them because it would be a very real object lesson about handling personal finances and living on a budget. But, the truth is, we live far below our means, and they don't know it. There may be a time when they will find out that we are worth a lot more than we let them know about, but while they're growing up and developing their sense of the value of hard work, getting an education, saving, budgeting, and making choices, we don't see the value in them knowing that their parents have money, but are unwilling to spend it on them.

Interesting. I think there is great value in kids seeing their parents live below their means.

 

Edited to add but I would have no problem telling my kid just because I have a lot doesn't mean I have to spend it on him.

Edited November 23, 2017 by Scarlett

[luuknam]

We've told the kids before at some point, including the whole "and rent is this much, and blah, blah, blah"... but they've forgotten the numbers by now, and when they asked the other day, I told them none of their business... mostly because I didn't want to go over *everything* again at that point. I'm sure we'll have the whole income & expenses conversation again, probably multiple times... but recently one of mine was also talking about other stuff that shouldn't be mentioned to random strangers/acquaintances, so, maybe not for a few years - I haven't decided. Their questions tend to mostly have to do with why we don't buy x, which can be answered with some combination of "we have other priorities", "we're not rich", and "you have your own allowance". 

[SKL]

  I only feel sorry for those who leave nothing for their kids (esp when the kids are normal).

 

 

 

I actually worry more about my kid who has some behavior issues that may or may not lead to bad life choices.  I would never want my kids to be hungry or cold even if it was their own fault.  I don't know how this will play out in their adulthood or in my will, but I could see myself keeping grocery / restaurant cards replenished for example.  The "don't enable bad choices by giving them food money" doesn't resonate with me at this point in time.