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happysmileylady

Would you do this to your family?-for fun

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OP -No, she is not doing it to be funny. Not playing a joke. 

 

 

Again, you are misrepresenting what she's saying. I don't have space to quote all your posts here but you are being downright mean and accusatory to her acting as if what she is considering doing for FUN is mean. 

 

 

I don't care what you eat or don't eat on Thanksgiving or any holiday. I care that you are acting as if bringing anything other than the exact right food to a holiday that's all about being thankful is mean. You actually said 'mean'. You said it would ruin your meal. It isn't a negative if you are this particular about your holiday food. It is a pretty big glaring negative if you get annoyed at people who aren't so particular and ascribe motives to them that they don't have.

 

Wow. You really won't let this go.

 

The OP isn't angry and she seems to have understood what I meant, so I don't know why you are insisting on arguing with me. Apparently, you feel the need to be right and to prove that I'm a terrible, mean person. :confused:

 

I honestly don't understand why you're attacking me in this thread. It seems to be going way beyond a simple disagreement. I'm sorry if I said anything that offended you, but my posts weren't even directed toward you, so I don't know why you appear to be taking this so personally.

 

I really hope you will let this go. It's obvious that you disagree with me; you've made that very clear, so I don't think there's anything else to say.

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Well, Catwoman, it's obvious that you are not one of the cool kids, with your hide-bound attitude toward Thanksgiving dinner.   :laugh:

 

Seriously, look at the thread title:  would you do this to your family?-for fun.  It's obvious she's thinking it might be funny, sort of a joke. (That does not imply to me that she's being mean-spirited; it's not necessarily the same thing.) Later in the OP she says she's unsure if anyone would eat them.  So she's also contemplating the possibility that the potatoes will be wasted.  

 

I'm really surprised by all the sneering at people who like to keep things traditional in their holiday menus. There's nothing wrong with keeping things the same year after year if that's what people like. My sister duplicates our mother's Thanksgiving dinner for her family, and has for 40 years.  I don't.  No big deal.

  

The title of the thread is: "Would you do this to your family?-for fun

And on the inside:

"I really want to bring purple mashed potatoes lol.

I don't think anyone will eat it though. Maybe I should do it anyway?"

I think it is YOU, 8circles, who is misrepresenting the post.

It is about whether bringing a food that she thinks no one will eat, for fun, is a good idea.

Some people said, not a good idea...And gave a reason why.

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

Both of you explained my sentiments better than I did. Thanks. :)

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Wow. You really won't let this go.

 

The OP isn't angry and she seems to have understood what I meant, so I don't know why you are insisting on arguing with me. Apparently, you feel the need to be right and to prove that I'm a terrible, mean person. :confused:

 

I honestly don't understand why you're attacking me in this thread. It seems to be going way beyond a simple disagreement. I'm sorry if I said anything that offended you, but my posts weren't even directed toward you, so I don't know why you appear to be taking this so personally.

 

I really hope you will let this go. It's obvious that you disagree with me; you've made that very clear, so I don't think there's anything else to say.

 

I'm not angry, either. You called the OP mean. I think that was rude.

 

Fun does not equal "playing a joke" on someone.

 

I'm not attacking you. I'm saying you were rude. 

 

And you did address me as you've quoted me to reply. And mentioned me specifically saying you didn't know why I cared since the OP was bringing the "right" kind of potatoes anyway. The answer is I don't care which potatoes she's bringing as I don't care what kind of potatoes anyone eats. I do care that you have made the OP into someone who was considering playing a mean joke on her family. That is mean, to say that about her. I haven't called you a terrible person but yeah - that's mean. I think you owe her an apology. That isn't attacking you.

 

I think I've let this go just as much as you've let this go. Seems like you care way more about the OP's potatoes than I do. Which is weird.

 

Don't be mean. Enjoy your potatoes!

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Okay, why don't we just let the OP pop up and tell us if she meant she was considering playing a practical joke and if she thinks she needs defending. I mean, this is silly.

 

On a related note: https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2017/11/20/564901919/its-not-just-politics-food-can-stir-holiday-conflict-too

 

It was asked in fun. Meaning, I wasn't thinking of it as a trick for which people would be laughed at, which is how I think of a practical joke.  To me, a practical joke is something where you like tape the sprayer on the hose and then laugh when someone gets sprayed, or you give them a fake lotto ticket and then laugh when they go crazy.  Those are what I think of as practical jokes and do consider those a bit man.  But to me, the idea of purple potatoes was just, to make dinner a bit more interesting.  Basically trying to nudge them out of a comfort zone a bit.  Kind of like when I brought carrots and parsnips and everyone picked around the parsnips and ate the carrots.  So, my question was more like "would you try to nudge family outside of their comfort zone a bit with Thanksgiving dinner."

 

My kids are the pickiest kids there.  And.......they won't eat mashed taters anyway.  Like at all.  DD9 eats pretty much no potatoes but will sometimes try the purple, DD7 only eats potatoes in fry form (and they have to have a McDonalds or Steak N Shake sort of shape....wedges or steak fries are a no go lol.) and DS5 will sometimes take a single bite if they look creamy enough.  And really, this is why we try to do "different" foods a lot....parsnips, purple potatoes, white bell peppers.  It's a little bit of "throw ANY food at the kid to see if they will pick up ANY of it lol.

 

I do think that there's quite a bit of drama going on over mashed taters here lol.  If people really like their specific dishes for their specific holiday and never shall the dishes be messed with ever, that's totally fine by me!  I am not offended that there are people who hold their turkey day dishes sacred.  I just didn't think other people would think it was actually MEAN to try to change up a dish a bit.  Fun, interesting, "things that make you go hmmmm...." but not mean.  I wasn't intending for it to be mean. 

 

ETA:  I didn't feel insulted or offended that others might think it was mean. 

Edited by happysmileylady
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I don't understand the idea of trying to nudge people out of their comfort zone, with the exception your own children.  Holidays for me are already stressful with all of the people and noise and having something familiar is nice. However, I would not be offended or upset if someone brought purple mashed potatoes instead of the regular.  I might be a bit disappointed since I do not eat potatoes the rest of the year and having that familiar comfort food is nice.  I would be upset if anyone said anything to me about not trying the purple potatoes,  I don't like others pointing out what I am eating/not eating.  I have personal issues with food and eating around other people.

 

For me this year is being especially hard around the holidays.  This will be my first year without any of my grandparents.  Three have died, and the other one has been missing since June and is presumed dead.  So for me having the comfort of tradition with my family is super important.  My sister is already deviating from our traditional desserts and making a pumpkin cheesecake instead of pie.  So I will just make a pie for at home, problem solved.

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So, my question was more like "would you try to nudge family outside of their comfort zone a bit with Thanksgiving dinner."

 

 

Speaking to this question specifically, that is what DH and I set out to do last year!  We decided to bring, along with other foods, Butter Chicken from a good Indian restaurant near us.  It seemed silly given the numbers of turkeys and hams that had been cooked (rather large gathering), but the butter chicken was ALL eaten up, and this year one SIL can't stop hinting that she'd like us to bring it again. 

 

Our intention was to start bringing something new and different each year just for the sake of something new and different.  Because of certain life events happening this year we aren't being that adventurous -- in fact we are contributing less this year simply because life is crazy, but all of the desired dishes are still covered.  (There tended to be multiples of some dishes anyway, because someone wanted theirs "just so".)  DH is still contemplating learning how to make the sauce for the Butter Chicken so he can do some Butter Turkey with some of the leftovers, to see how SIL and others like that.

 

Basically in our extended mob we have one firm rule: if there's something you want specifically for Thanksgiving you get to bring it or make sure someone is, though the hosting household does appreciate notice in advance of what is being brought (space planning and the like).  There are simply too many different preferences for us to manage otherwise.  We do, however, change and adapt recipes when we know of someone's dietary issues.  No cinnamon because one of my nieces is allergic.  For a time there were no strawberries, either, due to another with an allergy.  Cheese-free versions of some much-loved foods so the nephew with bad lactose intolerance can enjoy, too.  I have adapted my wild rice casserole to accommodate people who don't want bacon, and to make it vegetarian-friendly.  I can mock up a Waldorf Salad to suit most anyone's tastes and needs, if I simply know about the needs in advance.  I've even started using pecans instead of walnuts, not only because we are in Texas, but because walnuts, much as I love them, now make my mouth itch.  The spicy-heat lovers always provide less spicy versions (and point out which is which) for those who cannot tolerate the hot stuff.

 

Nudging people outside of their comfort zones is pretty easy at our Thanksgivings, since there's so much food anyway and we always make sure that first there are plenty of options for people with limits.  We will have new family, too, this year, so we will get to talk to more people about what they like.  It's an on-going adventure.  Families change over time, and new family members bring new ideas, new traditions.

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I don't understand the idea of trying to nudge people out of their comfort zone, with the exception your own children. Holidays for me are already stressful with all of the people and noise and having something familiar is nice. However, I would not be offended or upset if someone brought purple mashed potatoes instead of the regular. I might be a bit disappointed since I do not eat potatoes the rest of the year and having that familiar comfort food is nice. I would be upset if anyone said anything to me about not trying the purple potatoes, I don't like others pointing out what I am eating/not eating. I have personal issues with food and eating around other people.

 

For me this year is being especially hard around the holidays. This will be my first year without any of my grandparents. Three have died, and the other one has been missing since June and is presumed dead. So for me having the comfort of tradition with my family is super important. My sister is already deviating from our traditional desserts and making a pumpkin cheesecake instead of pie. So I will just make a pie for at home, problem solved.

As to your first paragraph, trying new things can be fun and interesting.

 

As to your second, so sorry for your losses. My FIL passed the day after thanksgiving last year. So this will be our first Thanksgiving and second Christmas without him. I understand that it can be hard. ((hugs))

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happysmilelady, you've been very gracious here. Kudos to you. 

 

loowit, I'm so sorry for all of your loss. That's hard at the holidays.

Edited by 8circles
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Well, we already broke the most defining family tradition by disassociating from the NPD SIL and so eliminating the yearly multi-triangulating, emotional bulldozing, insults/threats/cuss-outs, etc. without which other family members will not even join us because what is a traditional family holiday without all of that?!

 

So we are wide open for new traditions and if I already had tested purple mashed potatoes and found them just as good (and actually had a supply) I would absolutely serve them for Thanksgiving. :D

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I don't understand the idea of trying to nudge people out of their comfort zone, with the exception your own children.  Holidays for me are already stressful with all of the people and noise and having something familiar is nice. However, I would not be offended or upset if someone brought purple mashed potatoes instead of the regular.  I might be a bit disappointed since I do not eat potatoes the rest of the year and having that familiar comfort food is nice.  I would be upset if anyone said anything to me about not trying the purple potatoes,  I don't like others pointing out what I am eating/not eating.  I have personal issues with food and eating around other people.

 

For me this year is being especially hard around the holidays.  This will be my first year without any of my grandparents.  Three have died, and the other one has been missing since June and is presumed dead.  So for me having the comfort of tradition with my family is super important.  My sister is already deviating from our traditional desserts and making a pumpkin cheesecake instead of pie.  So I will just make a pie for at home, problem solved.

I'm so sorry, loowit. :(

 

The first year is always the hardest, especially for your family because of the horrible uncertainty about your grandfather. I still pray that he will be found. :grouphug:

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I say no if you are also serving gravy and most people prefer them with gravy. I think it will clash, and my experience has been that people don't like food that clashes--maybe on the same plate, but not mixed together.

 

I'm ignoring the other pros and cons purposefully, lol!

 

I made a really tasty cake once that was a different shade of brown than chocolate cake usually comes. The frosting clashed in color. Everyone loved the cake, but wouldn't eat more than one piece. Normally, chocolate cake would've disappeared.  

 

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If they were actually purple, it might be fun, but they cook up all gray and bruise-colored. They’re fine in a mixed-colored potato roast but would just look like mashed ashes. Maybe save this gag for your immediate family.

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I don’t really care what people serve on their day of gluttony. I was defending the OP’s innocent question about what she thought might be a fun contribution to the dinner. She took people’s responses and has come up with what I think is a good compromise.

I don't think of Thanksgiving as being a "day of gluttony." I love Thanksgiving! I agree that many people do tend to eat more than usual -- myself included, but it has always been an important family holiday for us, and we look forward to the Macy's parade and the National Dog Show on TV, and I enjoy the cooking and the baking and having a big traditional dinner... and then SHOPPING! :hurray:

 

We're counting down the days until Thursday at our house! :party:

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I don't think of Thanksgiving as being a "day of gluttony." I love Thanksgiving! I agree that many people do tend to eat more than usual -- myself included, but it has always been an important family holiday for us, and we look forward to the Macy's parade and the National Dog Show on TV, and I enjoy the cooking and the baking and having a big traditional dinner... and then SHOPPING! :hurray:

 

We're counting down the days until Thursday at our house! :party:

 

If I had my choice this year I would stay home for Thanksgiving and have store a bought meal and sit around and DO NOTHING!

 

You are making me tired......really tired......

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If I had my choice this year I would stay home for Thanksgiving and have store a bought meal and sit around and DO NOTHING!

 

You are making me tired......really tired......

Would a store bought meal be an option?

 

I feel bad that you're so wiped out!

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For me this year is being especially hard around the holidays.  This will be my first year without any of my grandparents.  Three have died, and the other one has been missing since June and is presumed dead.  So for me having the comfort of tradition with my family is super important.  My sister is already deviating from our traditional desserts and making a pumpkin cheesecake instead of pie.  So I will just make a pie for at home, problem solved.

 

I'm so sorry, loowit. I remember you posting about your grandpa when he went missing. It must be so difficult for you and your family not knowing what happened.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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I don't understand the idea of trying to nudge people out of their comfort zone, with the exception your own children. Holidays for me are already stressful with all of the people and noise and having something familiar is nice. However, I would not be offended or upset if someone brought purple mashed potatoes instead of the regular. I might be a bit disappointed since I do not eat potatoes the rest of the year and having that familiar comfort food is nice. I would be upset if anyone said anything to me about not trying the purple potatoes, I don't like others pointing out what I am eating/not eating. I have personal issues with food and eating around other people.

 

For me this year is being especially hard around the holidays. This will be my first year without any of my grandparents. Three have died, and the other one has been missing since June and is presumed dead. So for me having the comfort of tradition with my family is super important. My sister is already deviating from our traditional desserts and making a pumpkin cheesecake instead of pie. So I will just make a pie for at home, problem solved.

I'm really sorry for all your losses. :grouphug:

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