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Please tell me it's just age 13 that boys act HORRIBLE...


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SERIOUSLY, I am exhausted with the moody bad attitudes.  The constant negativity and awful comments about siblings etc..  I feel like these are not my babies at all.  

 

Everyone warned me that girls are so hard at this age and it's drama all the time.  But NO my daughter has always been easy and still is at 14 (15 in March).  My twin boys are wearing me out with drama, attitude and just plain no fun to be around.  They can take a fun planned family time and turn it in to a knock down drag out.  

 

I have to know that it's just this age and they'll be better at 14.  Please tell me it gets better. PLEASE!!!

 

ETA:  These were children that LOVED each other so much and were the kindest children I have ever seen and loved doing anything family.  Others would always say this too.  Now it's like they're not the same people. 

Edited by 1GirlTwinBoys
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How much time do they spend on screens?

They don't play video games at all and are not on their phones much at all. They're really into their music. One plays guitar and the other plays drums.  They make good grades.  And this is just a home issue.  Their teachers give them glowing reviews and mention how polite they are.  

Edited by 1GirlTwinBoys
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My almost 13yo boys sound similar, though it’s up and down all day. Negative attitudes and insulting. But then, so sweet and helpful. I never know which I’m going to get.

 

ETA- zero screens for mine as well, except for math school work. And watching a college football game with dad.

Edited by matrips
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They don't play video games at all and are not on their phones much at all. They're really into their music. One plays guitar and the other plays drums. They make good grades. And this is just a home issue. Their teachers give them glowing reviews and mention how polite they are.

Then it’s probably just growing pains, and it will pass in time. 14 has been the worst here and then gradual improvement.
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Sleep

Food

Exercise

 

This is also the age that my SIL’s identical twins daughters want to be different instead of being treated as “duplicatesâ€. They major in different things in college.

I wonder if it's worse because they are twins.  Interesting thought...  Desperately trying to find their own identity.

 

Also, they get plenty of sleep because they have to be in bed at 9:30 on school nights.  They also get more than enough exercise.  The one that acts the worst is always playing basketball outside, running on the treadmill, or lifting weights.  

 

None of it makes any sense.  

Edited by 1GirlTwinBoys
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Each of my boys is different. Oldest ds21 can still be rude but is better.  He was a challenge all through his teen years.  Ds19 was a breeze to parent and wish all my boys were like him. Ds17 can be very sweet at times and very obnoxious other times, ds14 is more like ds19, so I'm happy for that. 

 

When my teen boys were giving me attitude or acting crazy, I gave them physical exercise for an attitude adjustment; push ups, sit ups, jumping jacks, running a few laps around the house, running up and down the steps a few times.  It worked!

 

 

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Pre-teen/teen years are hard.  Sooooo many hormone rushes!  It's an emotional rollercoaster for them and everyone within firing range.  It does get better.  In the meantime, it's okay to call them on it when they're being unreasonably crappy, but you don't have to be harsh.  I'd ask my ds, "what did I really do to deserve that?"  and that was usually enough of a "check" to make him stop and realise he'd been unreasonable.  And, I also extended him a lot of grace when it was obvious he was having a frustrating, tough time.  I just tried to remember how I'd been at that age, and how I would have like to have been treated.  Kind of a golden rule in reverse sort of thing. 

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Each of my boys is different. Oldest ds21 can still be rude but is better.  He was a challenge all through his teen years.  Ds19 was a breeze to parent and wish all my boys were like him. Ds17 can be very sweet at times and very obnoxious other times, ds14 is more like ds19, so I'm happy for that. 

 

When my teen boys were giving me attitude or acting crazy, I gave them physical exercise for an attitude adjustment; push ups, sit ups, jumping jacks, running a few laps around the house, running up and down the steps a few times.  It worked!

He's already doing all that on his own.  I'm not kidding, we were standing with our grocery shopping cart waiting for DH to pick us up at the door, and he is doing push ups leaning over the cart.  He's obsessed with working out.

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Agreeing with above poster about limiting screen time, but also:

 

1. separate them

Flat out remove the ability of being in the same room at the same time -- work hard to get them separate rooms (if it means hiring a builder to put in a wall to divide their room as the only way of giving them separate rooms, do it!). Also, separate circles of friends, separate school materials (or at least doing their school subjects separately/staggered at different times from one another) -- whatever you can do to give them large amounts of time APART from one another to reduce the tendency to pick fights with each other and compete with one another.

 

2. drastically increase regular physical activity

Daily aerobic activity that gets the heart rate up and stays up for 30-45 minutes at least) to burn off that excess energy. Hard physical labor of part time work; heavy yard work; farm chores; daily morning run, bike ride, swimming laps, etc. before sitting down to school. And then something after school. Run those boys till they drop!  :tongue_smilie: Wearing off that energetic edge means they're not using that excess energy for fighting.

 

3. separate extracurriculars

Give them each some completely different area they can shine in, removing the competition edge that can be the source for a lot of fights.

 

4. separate special time with mom/dad

Once a week, schedule each one to have a special time with dad, and the other a special time with mom -- even if it's just running errands together. Then the next week, switch boy and parent. They need to have regular time of being acknowledged as individuals by their family, as this is the age they are starting to wrestle through figuring out who each of them is as a unique human being. As a twin, that's extra hard to do, because everyone sees you as a "set", not a unique individual.

 

5. get them involved in SEPARATE community service activities

Get them focused on serving others and putting others first, outside the home, as a regular lifestyle activity, and THEN you have a talking point for how "we are treat one another with respect and support, just like in volunteering".

 

6. get enough good sleep

Make sure their rooms are dark so they get the restful sleep produced by melatonin, created by our bodies when in a dark room. And as teens, their "body clocks" may have shifted and they need to stay up a little later and sleep in a little later to get the rest their growing/changing bodies need.

 

 

The big theme in my ideas -- separation, so they can develop their own unique identities, AND the added benefit of they just aren't together as much to be ABLE to fight as much. ;)  Hang in there, and BEST of luck in finding what works best! Warmest regards, Lori D.

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Then it’s probably just growing pains, and it will pass in time. 14 has been the worst here and then gradual improvement.

14 was bad here, too. 12 was great, 13 started the downward slide, 14 pretty awful, 15 seems to be slightly better so far.

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14 was bad here, too. 12 was great, 13 started the downward slide, 14 pretty awful, 15 seems to be slightly better so far.

that was pretty much my experience with my 2 oldest boys as well.

 

OP  good news it will get better, bad news probably not as soon as you would like.

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I found 12-13 is when what I call "the stupid" sets in. It's like their brain melts and oozes out their ears and now you are waiting for it to grow back.

This child who used to know where the hamper is and how to turn off a light is replaced with a stranger who doesn't know anything other than their own wants and needs.

I have been told the stupid ends sometime after college. Some people even get lucky and it ends sooner.

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!3 was pretty bad for both my son and daughter.  My daughter's drama was a little earlier than my son's (as was puberty).  My daughter is 13 now and I feel like we're getting beyond some of it.   I also wonder if because you have twins if they feed off each other?  I work with group of middle schoolers.  If I could only homeschool for a few years I would pick the middle school years.  Many middle schools are cess pools of self loathing, hormonal goo that kids send off into the universe and they totally feed off each other.  Even fancy private schools have issues with behavior and bullying during those years. 

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I have one son exiting this stage (but he still joins in with the others, just so his skills don't get rusty  :hat: );

 

I have one who is currently wallowing in this stage.... :sneaky2:

 

and I have one apprenticing in this stage.  :001_tt2:  I think he will make full-fledged professional very quickly.

 

It amazes me that teenage girls WANT to be around teenage boys.  :001_tt1:

 

 

 

 

Edited by Zoo Keeper
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I have one son exiting this stage (but he still joins in with the others, just so his skills don't get rusty  :hat: );

 

I have one who is currently wallowing in this stage.... :sneaky2:

 

and I have one apprenticing in this stage.  :001_tt2:  I think he well make full-fledged professional very quickly.

 

It amazes me that teenage girls WANT to be around teenage boys.  :001_tt1:

 

This is hilarious!!! 

SaveSave

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From 12 to 13-1/2 was really tough with my now 14 year old.  I asked for some advice here, and got some good advice....a lot of it involved trying to maintain the relationship.

 

I would never have guessed that our relationship would be so good right now.  

 

But yes, I think they do go through a hellish period of hormones and grumpiness.

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I have a 16 ds who is in this stage but he's a late bloomer physically (like an average 13-14 physically). He intentionally needles siblings, talks over everyone else, always "knows" the answer, does stuff that he KNOWS will provoke. He acts like an overgrown preschooler. I have never been an escapist drinker. That kid regularly makes me crave a drink. :leaving:  Dh has been good at reminding me that this is what male puberty looks like (dd just got weepy/sensitive).

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