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Article "I didn't understand how widespread rape is..."


umsami
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I thought this was really good...

 

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/nov/05/dsk-sexual-assault-feminism-weinstein-casting-couch?CMP=share_btn_fb

 

 

"Because just as everyone associated with hotels falls into lockstep to tell chambermaids they are unworthy of protection from rapists, so did everything in my mother’s environment conspire to tell her she had no grounds for complaint if someone told her was unworthy to continue to perform on stage, whatever her attainments, without also performing in private as a part-time sex worker. 

 

As a result, her sense of self collapsed. 

All of us are heirs to a thousand forms of violence. Many shape our lives in ways we’ll never know. My mother was an enormous human stuck in a tiny box. Late in her life she was still hilariously funny; but she also collected tea towels with inscriptions like “don’t expect miraclesâ€.

She raised me to assume I was destined for greatness (like her, I was considered something of a prodigy), then, would fall into inexplicable depression for days that would invariably end with her lashing out at me as a terrible, selfish, uncaring person for not properly cleaning my room. 

Only now do I understand she was really lashing out at even having to care about my room. Later she lived in part vicariously through me but also – I have to assume – was racked by guilt for any indignation she could not help but feel that this was the only way she could live the kind of life she should have had."

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lol, 'lefty academic (male) well versed in feminist theory'. But is only now having the revelation that rape is widespread. Yep. Misogyny exists, guys, even (especially?) among lefty men. 

 

This is the kind of article that gives The Guardian a bad name. Sorry, umsami, I can't read more than the extract. I don't really care about a man's journey of discovery that women who are raped are (93%+) of the time not lying. 

 

Yes, the beginning is annoying, but I still think it's worth the read.  Of course, just because somebody claims to be progressive or a feminist doesn't mean they are or don't have a ways to go on their journey.  Lefty men rape too.  Lefty men harass too.  I really think that guys just don't get what it's like.  There's a good meme out which talks about what to say when a man says men get sexually harassed too.  You ask them what they do to ensure they don't get raped.  Do they guard their drink at a bar?  Do they change their outfit?  Do they change their route??  Etc.

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Yes, the beginning is annoying, but I still think it's worth the read. Of course, just because somebody claims to be progressive or a feminist doesn't mean they are or don't have a ways to go on their journey. Lefty men rape too. Lefty men harass too. I really think that guys just don't get what it's like. There's a good meme out which talks about what to say when a man says men get sexually harassed too. You ask them what they do to ensure they don't get raped. Do they guard their drink at a bar? Do they change their outfit? Do they change their route?? Etc.

Agree. I had a dawning moment when my rapist from High school (who is indeed a lefty male now) friend requested me on Facebook. It was surreal. No sense of shame or remembering. Now, I did not accept the friend request so I don't know his intentions. Even though if it was to apologize what would that do? "Oh, so sorry I raped you and beat you...I am a lefty now and fight for the cause" no amount of apology will make up for the pain and dysfunction it causes to this very day as a sexual being.

Edited by nixpix5
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Ok it's this part that is bothering me: "Later she lived in part vicariously through me but also – I have to assume – was racked by guilt for any indignation she could not help but feel that this was the only way she could live the kind of life she should have had."

 

No actually we DON'T have to assume that, guy. Pro tip, your mom was almost certainly a nuanced individual person.

 

 

 

"Hello I'm a successful man so obviously this woman in my life lived through me.

 

What do you mean I keep making things about me? What?! I'm trying to be a sensitive feminist!" 

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I didn't read far enough, I think I got confused.

 

Was his mom an actress who slept with producers to get ahead (and/or felt pressured to sleep with producers to get ahead)?  Or was she a maid?

 

Is he claiming that all women who sleep with men in power to get advantages (roles, etc.) that women who don't sleep with men in power don't get are "raped"?  Is he saying that that dynamic is the same as being raped by a rich man as a maid at a hotel?

 

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I didn't read far enough, I think I got confused.

 

Was his mom an actress who slept with producers to get ahead (and/or felt pressured to sleep with producers to get ahead)?  Or was she a maid?

 

Is he claiming that all women who sleep with men in power to get advantages (roles, etc.) that women who don't sleep with men in power don't get are "raped"?  Is he saying that that dynamic is the same as being raped by a rich man as a maid at a hotel?

 

I don't understand why you're using quotes around rape? 

 

His mother was an entertainer who abruptly stopped her career. We are not given a lot of info about why she stopped but are given to understand it had something to do with the casting couch. 

 

His story about the hotel maids is an illustration that suggest it's pervasive but only became known when a maid took the unusual step of coming forward with accusations against a high profile man. 

 

 

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Kind of a weird article.

 

But as far as this business of thinking that everything his mother did somehow hinged on this - well, I think it's crazy, but OTOH, I'm not sure it's his invention - I've heard that approach before, largely from women.  It's just bd psychology.

 

The kind of thing people suggest might be "peak guardian".

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