Hats in restaurants

[marbel]

Who on earth is silently judging a guy for wearing a ball cap in, like, a diner?  What is the point of that judgement? Does it make you feel good about yourself?  I don't get it.

 

People have opinions on lots of things. I might have a passing thought of "huh, that guy should take off his hat in here" but it doesn't mean I think he's a terrible person, or I'd treat him badly if I had cause to interact with him.  It might remind me of my Dad who grew up in a time when men wore hats but took them off indoors. Or it might make me think about his lecture to  me on the difference between a hat and a cap. LOL.  It doesn't make me feel anything about myself, why would it make me feel good about myself?

 

Just like if I'm out and see someone wearing a beautiful dress, I might think "wow, that's a beautiful dress" but it doesn't make me feel bad about myself because I don't have a dress like that (or the figure to carry it off so well). 

Edited November 6, 2017 by marbel

[Lady Florida.]

Who on earth is silently judging a guy for wearing a ball cap in, like, a diner?  What is the point of that judgement? Does it make you feel good about yourself?  I don't get it.

 

People who insist on living in the past.

 

People named Judgy McJudgypants.

 

People who have nothing better to do than complain about someone else's harmless choice to wear a hat indoors.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I assume if people don't want to remove a hat, it's for some reason.  

 

It's part of the outfit (think Downton Abbey)

Embarrassment over balding (both male and female)

Body temp that runs colder than most

Appropriate to the location (sports cap at a sports bar to help someone find their "clan")

etc.  

 

The only possible way I could see a hat as rude is if were blocking the view or if the hat were obscene in some way- slogan, image, etc inappropriate for general audiences.  

 

I had an in-law who was literally never seen without a hat.  He was balding, in his opinion prematurely, and he was really uncomfortable with that.  He and his wife saved up and he eventually got hair plugs... and is now happily bare-headed at events.  How awful would it have been if people had made a big deal about it!  

[Miss Mousie]

Interesting that it's a pretty even split right now - 28 yes, 30 no.

 

My parents taught us hats at meals (even at home) were rude.  Now, I notice hats, but I really don't care.

 

But OneStep pinpoints why I asked:

 

 

ETA:  But in some circles of the society I live in, it very definitely is still considered rude for men to wear hats in restaurants.  My son loves hats.  He wears really nice ones, like fedoras and bowler hats and other more old fashioned styles.  I have made it clear I support his choice to keep on or take off his hat in a restaurant but that there are still those that will consider it rude if he keeps his hat on.  I feel it is important for me to teach him about the norms of our culture while still giving him the freedom of choice now that he is old enough to better understand the potential consequences of that choice.

 

My son, too, loves fedoras, and I often remind him to take it off "because some people think it's rude."  After about the hundredth time of reminding him, I started to wonder if it really is still considered rude.

 

So I will back off, and make it more of a caution for the future, when he's hobnobbing with hoi polloi who know which fork to use and which water glass is theirs.  I have been awkward and uncomfortable in formal dining situations, and I would prefer that he get better instruction and practice than I did so he can mix comfortably.

 

 

Edited November 6, 2017 by Miss Mousie

[creekland]

My son, too, loves fedoras, and I often remind him to take it off "because some people think it's rude."  After about the hundredth time of reminding him, I started to wonder if it really is still considered rude.

 

So I will back off, and make it more of a caution for the future, when he's hobnobbing with hoi polloi who know which fork to use and which water glass is theirs.  I have been awkward and uncomfortable in formal dining situations, and I would prefer that he get better instruction and practice than I did so he can mix comfortably.

 

I teach it (and similar things) as this - both at home and with kids at school.

 

For your generation, you (collective) will get to set the rules.  They may, or may not, reflect what other generations have considered rules.  It will depend upon how the majority acts, reacts, and lives.  So, (like for this situation), if you want to start wearing hats anywhere, then start doing so while still accepting that others do not.  Styles of clothing often change.  We don't even come close to wearing now what we did in the 20s or 30s or 80s or...

 

BUT, at the same time, recognize that you live in the Real World and not your Ideal World.  Your choices will affect what others think of you, sometimes positive and sometimes negative.  Fitting in is a natural human "thing."  We (humans) usually prefer folks who fit in, especially say, as we're picking who we'll employ.

 

Know the other rules out there - why people do (or don't do) what they do (or not).  Know when it will or might affect other things you want.  Then assess what you want to do based upon it all.

 

Choose wisely for what you do as you go through life.  That can refer to hats, tattoos, other clothing selections, piercings, vocabulary, and more.

[Penguin]

The only time hats bother me is if you are sitting in front of me at the theater. I am short.

 

One of the older ladies in my world (think of her as my aunt in her late 70s) is insistent that men and boys remove their hats if we meet at a restaurant. I am talking about a very casual restaurant. I have told my sons about her feelings, and of course they remove their hats in her home. But the way she barks at them to remove their hats seems rude to me, and I told them that I am fine with them dealing with it however they choose to do so.

Edited November 6, 2017 by Penguin

[Penguin]

I teach it (and similar things) as this - both at home and with kids at school.

 

For your generation, you (collective) will get to set the rules.  They may, or may not, reflect what other generations have considered rules.  It will depend upon how the majority acts, reacts, and lives.  So, (like for this situation), if you want to start wearing hats anywhere, then start doing so while still accepting that others do not.  Styles of clothing often change.  We don't even come close to wearing now what we did in the 20s or 30s or 80s or...

 

BUT, at the same time, recognize that you live in the Real World and not your Ideal World.  Your choices will affect what others think of you, sometimes positive and sometimes negative.  Fitting in is a natural human "thing."  We (humans) usually prefer folks who fit in, especially say, as we're picking who we'll employ.

 

Know the other rules out there - why people do (or don't do) what they do (or not).  Know when it will or might affect other things you want.  Then assess what you want to do based upon it all.

 

Choose wisely for what you do as you go through life.  That can refer to hats, tattoos, other clothing selections, piercings, vocabulary, and more.

Yes, absolutely yes, to the bolded. I have said this countless times! I do remind them that, for now, there is still a high probability that someone from my generation is reading their resumes and college application essays. 

Edited November 6, 2017 by Penguin

[Bluegoat]

Interesting that it's a pretty even split right now - 28 yes, 30 no.

 

My parents taught us hats at meals (even at home) were rude.  Now, I notice hats, but I really don't care.

 

But OneStep pinpoints why I asked:

 

 

My son, too, loves fedoras, and I often remind him to take it off "because some people think it's rude."  After about the hundredth time of reminding him, I started to wonder if it really is still considered rude.

 

So I will back off, and make it more of a caution for the future, when he's hobnobbing with hoi polloi who know which fork to use and which water glass is theirs.  I have been awkward and uncomfortable in formal dining situations, and I would prefer that he get better instruction and practice than I did so he can mix comfortably.

 

Something to think about - those are really the kinds of hats that most fit into the "men remove hats" way of thinking.  If a kid likes that sort of retro aesthetic, they might actually enjoy the aesthetic of the etiquette that went with those clothing items.  That sense of laid out rituals of civility can be a big part of the appreciation of those times, and can be enjoyed in themselves, not just to please other people.  They speak to a kind of awareness of place, and also a sense of social confidence in knowing the social gestures so that you don't have to spend time or energy thinking about them.

[ktgrok]

It really depends.

 

Is it a fancy restaurant or fast food or something in-between? Fancy restaurant, probably rude unless the person is wearing a hat because of some sort of social anxiety or other problem that might be going on. My daughter used hats for years to help her cope with social anxiety. I can see children on the spectrum needing a hat for reasons. Lots of reasons out there for why someone would need or want to wear a hat.

I put that it was rude. But I did make an exception for my son who Is on the spectrum when he went through a phase where I had made it so that he could tolerate being in situations with other people. Thankfully, he has outgrown that. Edited November 6, 2017 by ktgrok