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dirty ethel rackham

urgent prayer request

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Ellen, so many hugs to you!!! I have been in a milder version of this situation, and the helpless feeling is the worst. I will say though, that if you feel K is a danger to herself (or others) then you really should call for help. I would hope there are specialists who could help K get into an inpatient treatment facility without too much trauma - but the hope would be that even if K was livid in the moment, when she was stable again, she would be able to look back and see that you did what was necessary to keep her safe. I'm so sorry. I know you can't rationalize with someone who isn''t rational. Does K have a history of going though an episode like this and coming out of it on her own? Do you feel that is even possible here?

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I read more of the posts and one that the OP is going to "Chat" with a Mental Health friend, in a couple of hours, via Skype or WhatsApp or whatever.  That's good.  

 

@OP  can you get your DH on the phone with K?  Talking with someone she has trust in and rapport with, even via phone, might help. Assuming your DH is somewhere with cell phone service.

 

I like the idea of providing favorite foods, if you have the ingredients in the house.  And just try to keep the house quiet, with some "Mood" music or Classical Music, on low volume.

 

Try to take it one hour at a time...

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Praying, both for her and for you. I'm sorry you are both having to deal with this.  :grouphug:

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One thing I know, at least in the case with my son, is that when I get emotionally sucked in or allow myself to engage in an argument with him, the situation gets much worse. Sometimes I can't stay out of it, but I try very hard to be stoic, be a brick wall without emotion, no matter what he throws at me.

 

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oh hugs. 

 

On top of everything, I hate to add another "job" for you to do, but can you find another parish? Even if you stay kind of anonymous there, it would be good to have somewhere that does give you some peace on sundays, instead of adding to your burdens. 

Dh and I have been parish shopping.  Unfortunately, our parish has traditionally been the most progressive one in town, committed to social justice.  This parish started a food pantry in their basement 30 years ago and it is now one of the largest in the metropolitan area.   They started a mental health practice that operates on sliding scale and is faith friendly, but does not provide "Christian" counseling.  We had many programs to share the wealth of our community with those in need.  But the new pastor has all but gutted that mission.  He has driven out many of the passionate, talented women in leadership positions and replaced them with white males.  We have new statues, but less commitment to the less fortunate.  

 

Ellen, so many hugs to you!!! I have been in a milder version of this situation, and the helpless feeling is the worst. I will say though, that if you feel K is a danger to herself (or others) then you really should call for help. I would hope there are specialists who could help K get into an inpatient treatment facility without too much trauma - but the hope would be that even if K was livid in the moment, when she was stable again, she would be able to look back and see that you did what was necessary to keep her safe. I'm so sorry. I know you can't rationalize with someone who isn''t rational. Does K have a history of going though an episode like this and coming out of it on her own? Do you feel that is even possible here?

K is sleeping right now.  I do often question when is the right time to call for help.  Today was probably the first time in a long time where I felt like it might be time.  But I know that it is the nuclear solution.  Even in less paranoid moments, K does not see the police as potential allies, only enemies.  She has a deep distrust of authority figures, of any loss of control.  She has anarchist views, which distrust government, any financial power, any agents of the state or corporations.  She has adopted the narrative of someone who has been unjustly treated for being transgender, even though she has been raised in a supportive, but somewhat clueless environment..  But, so many transgender and other LGBT people have not and she identifies as if she has suffered rejection like they have.  

 

I often feel like my motto is "don't poke the bear."

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So sorry, dirty ethel. I wish I could magically fix this.

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I'm glad to hear K is sleeping at last.  May it be restorative, and return peace to your family. 

 

All strength to you, Ellen.  I am so sorry for all you are suffering.

 

:grouphug:

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Thank you all for your prayers.  K is asleep.  I am exhausted and need to go to the grocery store and I need to study.  I've barely started my 2 chapters of homework for a quiz due at midnight tonight.  80 pages of medical terms to learn.  It may be takeout tonight.  Maybe I'll bake something.

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Dh and I have been parish shopping.  Unfortunately, our parish has traditionally been the most progressive one in town, committed to social justice.  This parish started a food pantry in their basement 30 years ago and it is now one of the largest in the metropolitan area.   They started a mental health practice that operates on sliding scale and is faith friendly, but does not provide "Christian" counseling.  We had many programs to share the wealth of our community with those in need.  But the new pastor has all but gutted that mission.  He has driven out many of the passionate, talented women in leadership positions and replaced them with white males.  We have new statues, but less commitment to the less fortunate.  

 

K is sleeping right now.  I do often question when is the right time to call for help.  Today was probably the first time in a long time where I felt like it might be time.  But I know that it is the nuclear solution.  Even in less paranoid moments, K does not see the police as potential allies, only enemies.  She has a deep distrust of authority figures, of any loss of control.  She has anarchist views, which distrust government, any financial power, any agents of the state or corporations.  She has adopted the narrative of someone who has been unjustly treated for being transgender, even though she has been raised in a supportive, but somewhat clueless environment..  But, so many transgender and other LGBT people have not and she identifies as if she has suffered rejection like they have.  

 

I often feel like my motto is "don't poke the bear."

 

It's really hard when your church shifts to values you can't support right out from under you. 

 

It sounds like your dd's sleep is an answer to prayer. I hope that it heads off a meltdown. 

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I'm sorry.  Prayers going up. 

 

Lack of sleep is often a number one trigger.  I know she won't let you be involved, and her psychiatrist can't talk to you, but there is no reason that you can't call the psychiatrist and suggest an emergency med for sleeping.  Now, getting her to take it might be a different story.

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I am so glad that K is sleeping. Of course I hope it helps K, but I am also glad that you get a little respite.

 

So much love to you. You are doing your best at an impossible job.

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Thanks again to all of you.  Your prayers and just being able to share my pain with you has helped so much.  We may be encouraging K to get up and have dinner with us (Chinese takeout since I just don't have the bandwidth to go grocery shopping today.)  24yods has been great today, taking care of the dog, cleaning up the kitchen and just remaining calm.  I did talk to dh today- he was able to borrow a phone that got some coverage and he was really supportive.  And I had about an hour long messenger chat with my friend who  is a mental healthcare professional.  

 

I may just have to accept that I'm going to get a lesser grade on my quiz tonight, but, I have a 97% in the class right now and a C won't kill it.  

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Just seeing this now. 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  

 

Praying that the sleep and some food will have helped. Praying for you all!

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I just saw your post. I will be keeping your family in my prayers. Whether your kids know it or not, they are so incredibly lucky to have you as a mom.

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Just seeing this now and adding my  :grouphug: and prayers for all of you.  I hope your quiz goes/went well too.  I wish I had either answers or a magic wand to just fix it all.  Take care.

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I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope things get better very soon!  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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Prayers for you! So glad about the sleep.

I have a close relative who had schizoaffective disorder and it was awful for our family. I know what you are talking about. In my experience nobody understands like another family member.

I hope that you are already connected with NAMI? It's run by family members of people with severe mental illness. They have support groups & classes. They have chapters all over the country. I really really love them.

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Just seeing this and I want to let you know I am crying for you and your family. It breaks my heart and is really more than anyone should have to stand.

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I just saw this, but you and K are in my thoughts tonight.  I hope you did well on your quiz, and that tomorrow is a better day.  :grouphug:

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Wish I could go grocery shopping for you. More  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: and prayers. 

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The not sleeping is particularly troubling. The people that I know who have gone into psychotic episodes (a worse break from reality than “normal “ mental illness) have started or been triggered by no sleep at all. I wish that there was a way to get professional advice on how you might get her to sleep. (I wouldn’t presume to do that because of potential bad interactions with meds she’s on etc. ). In the situations I was in I ended up having to call the Crisis line. By that point though the physical safety of the mentally ill person, my own safety and the safety of others in the house made it necessary for restraints and an involuntary hold. I’m so sorry for all that you, K, and your family are going through.

 

 

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A lack of sleep can be SO triggering. Even to people who are reasonably well balanced on a day to day basis. Ugh. Praying :(

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Any prayer warriors on here this morning? I need some divine intervention and maybe some advice, if you have experience with mental illness in a loved one. K, my 21yo with mental illness (and transgender) is having a mental health crisis. She lost her cool last night when she had ran into a frustrating situation, which should have been my first clue. I wouldn't let her take the car in the state she was in so she went for a walk and returned an hour later in a better mood. But, she didn't sleep at all last night and is now in a state of paranoia, agitation and distrust. And I'm worried she will hurt herself (she is already covered in self-inflicted scratches.) When I suggested taking her in to our local mental health center, she nearly went ballistic. Telling me more paranoid stuff about how the mental health industry is only about profit and other nonsense, and that she doesn't trust me and that I always make things worse. She insists that she has been taking her meds regularly. I asked her to call her psychiatrist, but she is acting paranoid.

 

Dh is not home right now and is not accessible by phone (in a rural outdoor area with limited cell coverage.) I can't call the police because they are "pigs" (major trust issues, not entirely unwarranted, but less so here.) That is a last resort because it will likely permanently harm what little trust she has in me and probably cause her to bolt on me, which means couch surfing and living on the street and less access to the meds that have kept her stable. And more potential contact with the Chicago Police Department instead of our milder, better trained suburban police department. I wish I had a way to help her sleep it off.

 

I am out of prayers. This whole thing has sorely tested my faith. I am afraid that my prayers only make things worse, kind of like when a parent tells a kid "I'll give you something to cry about."

 

Thanks for letting me vent.

Oh Ethel, I do TRULY have an idea of what you are going through. My heartfelt prayers. There is so little a loving parent can accomplish when part of the illness is the ill person doesn't recognize they are ill. Prayers, prayers, prayers. Keep talking to us. You need support too.

 

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Laurie, I usually try to be non-confrontational. Sometimes, when I am the target of mean, hurtful accusations, it is hard to stay that way. Right now, K is in their room. I hope she is finally sleeping, because as Jean mentioned, sleep deprivation seems to fuel the paranoia. When she emerges, I will offer to make something that's a favorite.

 

I don't really have anyone at my parish that I can trust. I was more or less abandoned when things got bad with K 4 years ago. Part of it was due to some activities that ran their course and I didn't have anything to take their place and part of it was that there was a faction of intolerant people of a certain political persuasion that made it a potentially hostile place. At the same time, my friends seemed to get too busy for me. Yes, I got busy, but it really hurt when invitations stopped. Our pastor is a joke, one of the phoniest people I have ever met. He is a failed actor who went into the priesthood when he realized he wasn't going to make it in Hollywood. He is all about the show. Joy, joy, happy, happy. He is all about emotional impact (I hear in my head him saying "more creshendo, choir"), but his impact misses when he can't recognized that people in the congregation are suffering. Yeah, a homily about how great it is to spend time with family and how we all love each other is a stab in the gut when your house is so tense you can cut it with a knife and your extended family stays away. I can't tell you how hard it is to control my middle finger in mass sometimes. (Until 4 years ago, it would never have even occurred to me to flip someone off.)

 

I do have a friend in the mental health field who is very familiar with our situation. She and I will be having a chat in another hour (texting I'm afraid) because she lives 2 hours away and we both don't feel like we can talk out loud.

Is there a different church close enough that you could attend? Your spirituality can help you through. The fact that friends fled isn't that surprising, though so sad. People don't like to be uncomfortable, so they run away.

 

Is there a way you could take over the med administration? She could easily be lying/mistaken about takng them regularly.

 

In addition, the hormones/amounts/other meds given to transgender young people are very understudied, imo. Hormones in our bodies affect everything--sleep, appetite, anger reflex, tendencies to self-harm. It is difficult to get dosages right for a young transgender.

 

Best of luck to all of you, and (sorry) but maybe put locks on the bedroom doors of your and your suffering child's sublings.

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Ethel, I'm thinking of you this morning. My MIL has some kind of paranoid schizophrenia, although nobody in the family except my DH will say that out loud. I've only experienced a few episodes, but the last one was a doozy and she said some really terrible things about me. The episodes have always been brought on by stress - at other times, we get along well. I know that she is ill, and she doesn't actually think those terrible things about me, but it's so hard not to take it personally. 

 

I hope your daughter is in a better place this morning.  :grouphug:

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  Hoping things are better today. I have a cousin with paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar. My mom & aunt are the only family members who have any contact with her and it's very draining on them. 

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Hugs. 

 

Our souls can become exhausted just like our bodies..yours is worn out. I'll carry that for you a bit today, and pray for you so you don't have to. 

 

That is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.  I hope it eased her heart.

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