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Any prayer warriors on here this morning?  I need some divine intervention and maybe some advice, if you have experience with mental illness in a loved one.  K, my 21yo with mental illness (and transgender) is having a mental health crisis.  She lost her cool last night when she had ran into a frustrating situation, which should have been my first clue.  I wouldn't let her take the car in the state she was in so she went for a walk and returned an hour later in a better mood. But, she didn't sleep at all last night and is now in a state of paranoia, agitation and distrust.  And I'm worried she will hurt herself (she is already covered in self-inflicted scratches.)  When I suggested taking her in to our local mental health center, she nearly went ballistic.  Telling me more paranoid stuff about how the mental health industry is only about profit and other nonsense, and that she doesn't trust me and that I always make things worse.  She insists that she has been taking her meds regularly.  I asked her to call her psychiatrist, but she is acting paranoid.  

 

Dh is not home right now and is not accessible by phone (in a rural outdoor area with limited cell coverage.)  I can't call the police because they are "pigs" (major trust issues, not entirely unwarranted, but less so here.)  That is a last resort because it will likely permanently harm what little trust she has in me and probably cause her to bolt on me, which means couch surfing and living on the street and less access to the meds that have kept her stable. And more potential contact with the Chicago Police Department instead of our milder, better trained suburban police department.  I wish I had a way to help her sleep it off.  

 

I am out of prayers.  This whole thing has sorely tested my faith.  I am afraid that my prayers only make things worse, kind of like when a parent tells a kid "I'll give you something to cry about."  

 

Thanks for letting me vent.

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Thanks again to all of you.  Your prayers and just being able to share my pain with you has helped so much.  We may be encouraging K to get up and have dinner with us (Chinese takeout since I just don

I am so sorry for what you are going through.  I am aware of the cost, but my kids are older than yours.  We have been able to provide some protection to other members of the house and we hope that th

Thank you all for your prayers.  K is asleep.  I am exhausted and need to go to the grocery store and I need to study.  I've barely started my 2 chapters of homework for a quiz due at midnight tonight

I am so sorry.  I will certainly pray right now.  Is there any other adult in her life that she trusts who could come over?  Or another adult who might have a calming presence just by being in the same room?

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

(On a side note, her paranoia about the mental health care industry may not be entirely unfounded.  FWIW, my family have not had terribly good experiences with mental health care.  Does that mean all mental health care professionals are bad or the entire industry only cares about money?  No.  Not at all.  There are some wonderfully caring and well trained individuals out there that very much want to help and are good at it.  Unfortunately, there are a lot who don't and aren't.  Not really.  And there are a lot who think they know what they are doing but what they are doing causes far more harm than good. Unfortunately, that leaves people that need mental health care in a very precarious position and it makes it 1000 times harder for those who care about them to get them the actual help that they actually need.)

 

I feel for you and I ache for you and for your child.  Sending prayers and hopes for better days...

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Any prayer warriors on here this morning? I need some divine intervention and maybe some advice, if you have experience with mental illness in a loved one. K, my 21yo with mental illness (and transgender) is having a mental health crisis. She lost her cool last night when she had ran into a frustrating situation, which should have been my first clue. I wouldn't let her take the car in the state she was in so she went for a walk and returned an hour later in a better mood. But, she didn't sleep at all last night and is now in a state of paranoia, agitation and distrust. And I'm worried she will hurt herself (she is already covered in self-inflicted scratches.) When I suggested taking her in to our local mental health center, she nearly went ballistic. Telling me more paranoid stuff about how the mental health industry is only about profit and other nonsense, and that she doesn't trust me and that I always make things worse. She insists that she has been taking her meds regularly. I asked her to call her psychiatrist, but she is acting paranoid.

 

Dh is not home right now and is not accessible by phone (in a rural outdoor area with limited cell coverage.) I can't call the police because they are "pigs" (major trust issues, not entirely unwarranted, but less so here.) That is a last resort because it will likely permanently harm what little trust she has in me and probably cause her to bolt on me, which means couch surfing and living on the street and less access to the meds that have kept her stable. And more potential contact with the Chicago Police Department instead of our milder, better trained suburban police department. I wish I had a way to help her sleep it off.

 

I am out of prayers. This whole thing has sorely tested my faith. I am afraid that my prayers only make things worse, kind of like when a parent tells a kid "I'll give you something to cry about."

 

Thanks for letting me vent.

Praying. I have no answers at all for you, as I am in similar circumstances with my 21 mentally ill son who believes he is transgender. In our case, he has been out of our house for years and there have been times where he has been essentially homeless, on drugs, in dangerous and terrible situations. We have come to the conclusion, at least in the now, that we are not/can not be the ones to help him. He won't/can't receive from us, for many reasons. He is too unstable and his active presence in our home is detrimental for the 5 other kids we have here.

 

I would ask you, ARE you helping your child? I get that you are providing a safe place for your child to live, and that is not at all insignificant. But, at what cost to the rest of your family?

 

I think about and pray for my son every day, shoot, every couple minutes of every day. It is a terrible and painfully burden we bear, to be mamas and not be able to fix things or to be estranged. But, I will tell you straight up, I could not do life for these other kids with him still here in the house. We were in the prison of his illness and instability. He cannot receive from us, no matter how much we try to give or give real help. It will have to come from someone else. We trust him to God every moment of every day. And that is HARD stuff.

 

Anyway, prayers for you, mama. This sucks and it's not your fault.

 

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Does she have some kind of "support" group, LGBT, or Transgender, where you are, or in the Chicagoland area?  Does she have anyone she trusts? If so, hopefully she will call them. 

 

Tough situation and I will keep you and her in my prayers.

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I am so sorry.  I will certainly pray right now.  Is there any other adult in her life that she trusts who could come over?  Or another adult who might have a calming presence just by being in the same room?

Unfortunately, not really.  I don't know any of her friends.  K trusts dh and dd more than either myself of ds24, but they are out of town, not returning until tomorrow night.  I do try to shield dd17 from the ugliness of K's illness.  And she is under a tremendous amount of pressure with college apps and is having some mental health issues herself, related to all the stress in our home.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

(On a side note, her paranoia about the mental health care industry may not be entirely unfounded.  FWIW, my family have not had terribly good experiences with mental health care.  Does that mean all mental health care professionals are bad or the entire industry only cares about money?  No.  Not at all.  There are some wonderfully caring and well trained individuals out there that very much want to help and are good at it.  Unfortunately, there are a lot who don't and aren't.  Not really.  And there are a lot who think they know what they are doing but what they are doing causes far more harm than good. Unfortunately, that leaves people that need mental health care in a very precarious position and it makes it 1000 times harder for those who care about them to get them the actual help that they actually need.)

 

I feel for you and I ache for you and for your child.  Sending prayers and hopes for better days...

 

I hear you.  There are a lot of people in the mental health field who are incompetent, or uncaring, but raking in the money.  And I have seen some who seem to be very strict about the financials, but they have to be because they often are serving a population that miss appointments, are late, or are late with payment, etc.   

 

I do have to say that we have been fortunate to have access to some decent mental health care.  We did find a good psychiatrist who has been effective in managing meds and going to bat with our insurance company to get the more effective, but more expensive med covered.  K has also had some decent therapists, but due to episodes of paranoia, she discontinued care with them.  I'd say that most therapists are not rolling in dough ... most of the ones we have met and have had some success with are people who got into this later in life because they are passionate about helping others.  

 

During the last major crisis, she really needed to be in a partial inpatient program (and we have a really good facility here),, but she refused to go because she basically associates our relatively affluent middle class suburb (we are on the poorer end of the spectrum here) with cisgender indolerent a$$holes, which is NOT a true reflection of this area.  There is much more acceptance here than she gives anyone credit for.  She holds to this narrative that dh and I are the equivalent of Westboro Baptist church, just by the fact that we go to church.  

 

I'd love it if K went back into treatment with a therapist who can help her manage these episodes.  But she won't trust anyone.  Her reasons often don't make sense.  She claims motives for behavior that are not based in fact.  

 

ETA:  Missing a word .. but she refused to go because she basically associates our relatively affluent middle class suburb (we are on the poorer end of the spectrum here) with cisgender indolerent a$$holes, which is NOT a true reflection of this area.  

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Does she have some kind of "support" group, LGBT, or Transgender, where you are, or in the Chicagoland area?  Does she have anyone she trusts? If so, hopefully she will call them. 

 

Tough situation and I will keep you and her in my prayers.

She's gone through several support groups, but she has been kicked out of some but I can't find out the reason.  I think it has to due with her mental instability, unrelated to being transgender.  

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Unfortunately, not really.  I don't know any of her friends.  K trusts dh and dd more than either myself of ds24, but they are out of town, not returning until tomorrow night.  I do try to shield dd17 from the ugliness of K's illness.  And she is under a tremendous amount of pressure with college apps and is having some mental health issues herself, related to all the stress in our home.

 

 

I hear you.  There are a lot of people in the mental health field who are incompetent, or uncaring, but raking in the money.  And I have seen some who seem to be very strict about the financials, but they have to be because they often are serving a population that miss appointments, are late, or are late with payment, etc.   

 

I do have to say that we have been fortunate to have access to some decent mental health care.  We did find a good psychiatrist who has been effective in managing meds and going to bat with our insurance company to get the more effective, but more expensive med covered.  K has also had some decent therapists, but due to episodes of paranoia, she discontinued care with them.  I'd say that most therapists are not rolling in dough ... most of the ones we have met and have had some success with are people who got into this later in life because they are passionate about helping others.  

 

During the last major crisis, she really needed to be in a partial inpatient program (and we have a really good facility here),, but she refused to go because she basically associates our relatively affluent middle class suburb (we are on the poorer end of the spectrum here) with cisgender indolerent a$$holes, which is a true reflection of this area.  There is much more acceptance here than she gives anyone credit for.  She holds to this narrative that dh and I are the equivalent of Westboro Baptist church, just by the fact that we go to church.  

 

I'd love it if K went back into treatment with a therapist who can help her manage these episodes.  But she won't trust anyone.  Her reasons often don't make sense.  She claims motives for behavior that are not based in fact.  

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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I would ask you, ARE you helping your child? I get that you are providing a safe place for your child to live, and that is not at all insignificant. But, at what cost to the rest of your family?

 

I think about and pray for my son every day, shoot, every couple minutes of every day. It is a terrible and painfully burden we bear, to be mamas and not be able to fix things or to be estranged. But, I will tell you straight up, I could not do life for these other kids with him still here in the house. We were in the prison of his illness and instability. He cannot receive from us, no matter how much we try to give or give real help. It will have to come from someone else. We trust him to God every moment of every day. And that is HARD stuff.

 

Anyway, prayers for you, mama. This sucks and it's not your fault.

 

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I am so sorry for what you are going through.  I am aware of the cost, but my kids are older than yours.  We have been able to provide some protection to other members of the house and we hope that they will be out of the house by this time next year.   

 

But we have chosen the option of a safe place to live because we believe that the whole situation is safer if she is on meds.  If we kick her out, the instability of the living arrangement and the lack of supervision on meds, plus the very real potential life-threatening confrontation with the police is not a place we are willing to go yet.  And I no longer trust that God has our back on this.  I've seen too many families where God's answer was no, I will not protect your child, nor you, nor the pubic.  That is why I am turning to all of you for prayer because I have none left.

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I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am aware of the cost, but my kids are older than yours. We have been able to provide some protection to other members of the house and we hope that they will be out of the house by this time next year.

 

But we have chosen the option of a safe place to live because we believe that the whole situation is safer if she is on meds. If we kick her out, the instability of the living arrangement and the lack of supervision on meds, plus the very real potential life-threatening confrontation with the police is not a place we are willing to go yet. And I no longer trust that God has our back on this. I've seen too many families where God's answer was no, I will not protect your child, nor you, nor the pubic. That is why I am turning to all of you for prayer because I have none left.

You sound like my husband. He has really struggled with his faith during this. It is very hard. Do you have any one who *knows* your details or someone who has experience with mental illness? It does really make a difference if you know that you don't struggle like this alone.

 

My son won't stay on meds, and his cycles are becoming crazier. Every time, it feels like we have to relearn how to manage them because each time it's different. I feel like we need to fortify our "armor" so that we can remain standing as he rails against us or is out of control in some really scary ways. Otherwise, we get sucked under. [emoji53]

 

I am praying for you and K. For strength, wisdom and for divine comfort. I DO believe that God really does "have our backs," but there are some days when I think that I'm kidding myself. [emoji173]ï¸

 

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Unfortunately, not really. I don't know any of her friends. K trusts dh and dd more than either myself of ds24, but they are out of town, not returning until tomorrow night. I do try to shield dd17 from the ugliness of K's illness. And she is under a tremendous amount of pressure with college apps and is having some mental health issues herself, related to all the stress in our home.

 

 

I hear you. There are a lot of people in the mental health field who are incompetent, or uncaring, but raking in the money. And I have seen some who seem to be very strict about the financials, but they have to be because they often are serving a population that miss appointments, are late, or are late with payment, etc.

 

I do have to say that we have been fortunate to have access to some decent mental health care. We did find a good psychiatrist who has been effective in managing meds and going to bat with our insurance company to get the more effective, but more expensive med covered. K has also had some decent therapists, but due to episodes of paranoia, she discontinued care with them. I'd say that most therapists are not rolling in dough ... most of the ones we have met and have had some success with are people who got into this later in life because they are passionate about helping others.

 

During the last major crisis, she really needed to be in a partial inpatient program (and we have a really good facility here),, but she refused to go because she basically associates our relatively affluent middle class suburb (we are on the poorer end of the spectrum here) with cisgender indolerent a$$holes, which is a true reflection of this area. There is much more acceptance here than she gives anyone credit for. She holds to this narrative that dh and I are the equivalent of Westboro Baptist church, just by the fact that we go to church.

 

I'd love it if K went back into treatment with a therapist who can help her manage these episodes. But she won't trust anyone. Her reasons often don't make sense. She claims motives for behavior that are not based in fact.

So much of what you write are things that I could have written myself. Know that at least some others truly know what you are dealing with. [emoji173]ï¸[emoji852]ï¸

 

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The not sleeping is particularly troubling. The people that I know who have gone into psychotic episodes (a worse break from reality than “normal “ mental illness) have started or been triggered by no sleep at all. I wish that there was a way to get professional advice on how you might get her to sleep. (I wouldn’t presume to do that because of potential bad interactions with meds she’s on etc. ). In the situations I was in I ended up having to call the Crisis line. By that point though the physical safety of the mentally ill person, my own safety and the safety of others in the house made it necessary for restraints and an involuntary hold. I’m so sorry for all that you, K, and your family are going through.

 

 

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Ellen, big big hugs for you. 

One moment at a time is all you can do. 

I like Jean's idea of calling the crisis line.  Even if you don't get any 'concrete' help, I tell you, there is magic in having a voice on the line who really just wants to listen. I have called once and found it really helpful. 

I hope more than anything that the right combo of time, prescriptions and health supports come through for you and K emerges back into health.  

Stay strong. You can do this. 

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I have experience dealing with paranoid people, but as clients, not as my kid. A very long  :grouphug:  to you 

 

 

When it is not your own child, you don't have the same internal churning as you do when it's your child. And I totally get that this is easier said than done, but take care of your self right now, too. it may be even harder because you're alone but any little thing you can grab for you will be helpful. Do what you need to do to maintain as much of an even keel as you can. Her mental illness plus a parent's intense feelings can escalate things. I'm sorry that you are caught alone without the 2 people who might have the best chance of calming your child. 

 

 

What we would do (we were a day facility) was just try to go along as much as possible . Avoid "correcting" reality as much as possible and instead just empathize with what it would feel like to believe that.  There were also multiple ones of us so we could figure out who was the least threatening and have that person interact. We could call mental health to advise them of what was happening, but like you, until they were a clear danger to self or others, we were pretty helpless unless the client got themselves to the doctor for a med adjustment. 

 

Is she eating? If so, I would fix favorite foods. 

 

I am so sorry that it has impacted your faith. Are there people from your parish whom you are close to or has your need to focus so intensely on family left you isolated? Sometimes our friends in the body of Christ can be the only aspect of Jesus we can grasp. 

 

 

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Is she bipolar? This sounds to my totally uneducated ears like a bipolar episode, very similar to what a few friends who are bipolar went through. Lack of sleep definitely makes it worse. Maybe put on a movie you know she likes and leave the room, or sit and watch it, whichever is likely to have her sit and watch it? If she gets caught up in it it may calm her and she could fall asleep? Just a thought. 

 

Hugs. 

 

Our souls can become exhausted just like our bodies..yours is worn out. I'll carry that for you a bit today, and pray for you so you don't have to. 

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I have experience dealing with paranoid people, but as clients, not as my kid. A very long  :grouphug:  to you 

 

 

When it is not your own child, you don't have the same internal churning as you do when it's your child. And I totally get that this is easier said than done, but take care of your self right now, too. it may be even harder because you're alone but any little thing you can grab for you will be helpful. Do what you need to do to maintain as much of an even keel as you can. Her mental illness plus a parent's intense feelings can escalate things. I'm sorry that you are caught alone without the 2 people who might have the best chance of calming your child. 

 

 

What we would do (we were a day facility) was just try to go along as much as possible . Avoid "correcting" reality as much as possible and instead just empathize with what it would feel like to believe that.  There were also multiple ones of us so we could figure out who was the least threatening and have that person interact. We could call mental health to advise them of what was happening, but like you, until they were a clear danger to self or others, we were pretty helpless unless the client got themselves to the doctor for a med adjustment. 

 

Is she eating? If so, I would fix favorite foods. 

 

I am so sorry that it has impacted your faith. Are there people from your parish whom you are close to or has your need to focus so intensely on family left you isolated? Sometimes our friends in the body of Christ can be the only aspect of Jesus we can grasp. 

Laurie,  I usually try to be non-confrontational.  Sometimes, when I am the target of mean, hurtful accusations, it is hard to stay that way.  Right now, K is in their room.  I hope she is finally sleeping, because as Jean mentioned, sleep deprivation seems to fuel the paranoia.  When she emerges, I will offer to make something that's a favorite.  

 

I don't really have anyone at my parish that I can trust.  I was more or less abandoned when things got bad with K 4 years ago.  Part of it was due to some activities that ran their course and I didn't have anything to take their place and part of it was that there was a faction of intolerant people of a certain political persuasion that made it a potentially hostile place.  At the same time, my friends seemed to get too busy for me.  Yes, I got busy, but it really hurt when invitations stopped.  Our pastor is a joke, one of the phoniest people I have ever met.  He is a failed actor who went into the priesthood when he realized he wasn't going to make it in Hollywood.  He is all about the show.  Joy, joy, happy, happy.  He is all about emotional impact (I hear in my head him saying "more creshendo, choir"), but his impact misses when he can't recognized that people in the congregation are suffering.  Yeah, a homily about how great it is to spend time with family and how we all love each other is a stab in the gut when your house is so tense you can cut it with a knife and your extended family stays away.   I can't tell you how hard it is to control my middle finger in mass sometimes.  (Until 4 years ago, it would never have even occurred to me to flip someone off.)  

 

I do have a friend in the mental health field who is very familiar with our situation.  She and I will be having a chat in another hour (texting I'm afraid) because she lives 2 hours away and we both don't feel like we can talk out loud. 

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Is she bipolar? This sounds to my totally uneducated ears like a bipolar episode, very similar to what a few friends who are bipolar went through. Lack of sleep definitely makes it worse. Maybe put on a movie you know she likes and leave the room, or sit and watch it, whichever is likely to have her sit and watch it? If she gets caught up in it it may calm her and she could fall asleep? Just a thought. 

 

Hugs. 

 

Our souls can become exhausted just like our bodies..yours is worn out. I'll carry that for you a bit today, and pray for you so you don't have to. 

 

 Before she turned 18, we didn't have a full diagnosis, partially because the situation was just starting, and partially because she didn't neatly fit into the diagnostic criteria.  When she turned 18, she stopped having us as involved in care.  From what I understand, it is likely schizoaffective disorder.  But, bipolar is something we were warned could develop.  She doesn't watch movies because she finds a gazillion things wrong with them.  Focus on cisgender relationships and sterotypes, people in power.  K has anarchist leanings, which are kind of scary anyway.  I think this feeds the paranoia.  

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Laurie, I usually try to be non-confrontational. Sometimes, when I am the target of mean, hurtful accusations, it is hard to stay that way. Right now, K is in their room. I hope she is finally sleeping, because as Jean mentioned, sleep deprivation seems to fuel the paranoia. When she emerges, I will offer to make something that's a favorite.

 

I don't really have anyone at my parish that I can trust. I was more or less abandoned when things got bad with K 4 years ago. Part of it was due to some activities that ran their course and I didn't have anything to take their place and part of it was that there was a faction of intolerant people of a certain political persuasion that made it a potentially hostile place. At the same time, my friends seemed to get too busy for me. Yes, I got busy, but it really hurt when invitations stopped. Our pastor is a joke, one of the phoniest people I have ever met. He is a failed actor who went into the priesthood when he realized he wasn't going to make it in Hollywood. He is all about the show. Joy, joy, happy, happy. He is all about emotional impact (I hear in my head him saying "more creshendo, choir"), but his impact misses when he can't recognized that people in the congregation are suffering. Yeah, a homily about how great it is to spend time with family and how we all love each other is a stab in the gut when your house is so tense you can cut it with a knife and your extended family stays away. I can't tell you how hard it is to control my middle finger in mass sometimes. (Until 4 years ago, it would never have even occurred to me to flip someone off.)

 

I do have a friend in the mental health field who is very familiar with our situation. She and I will be having a chat in another hour (texting I'm afraid) because she lives 2 hours away and we both don't feel like we can talk out loud.

Guh. I hear you. I'm so sorry. Here, we are just coming out of his "high" and it was the craziest it ha ever been. It's been a couple of weeks of onslaught and darkness. I'm feeling stronger today than I have in a while. I will funnel this strength into my prayers for you. [emoji173]ï¸

 

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Hugs.  Said a prayer for the Holy Spirit to calm and get through to her.  Said a prayer for you to find additional support in real life, and to find peace no matter what the journey with her looks like.

 

 

Two thoughts - has she been tested to see if there is an autoimmune component that set this off?

 

Secondly, can you help her to "lose" her internet devices and stay away from some of the paranoia on the internet?

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She's gone through several support groups, but she has been kicked out of some but I can't find out the reason.  I think it has to due with her mental instability, unrelated to being transgender.  

 

Other than a shrink she has excellent rapport with, who has lots of experience, dealing with patients with her issues, IMO a Support Group of peers would be the next best source of aid.  If kicked out of a Support Group,  I assume that would be for bad behavior or for not participating or something the group could not tolerate?

 

I had one experience, unexpectedly, before I moved here. I have Severe P.T.S.D.  One day I was talking with an M.D. from California who also has P.T.S.D.  Cathartic.  Different experiences, but the same result... He is the only person I have ever really discussed it with, other than the shrink in Big D.   "Normal" people cannot understand, as much as they might like to understand.  I believe it will be the same for your DD.

 

If she can find someone like that to talk with that would be a very positive thing and will probably help.

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Laurie,  I usually try to be non-confrontational.  Sometimes, when I am the target of mean, hurtful accusations, it is hard to stay that way.  Right now, K is in their room.  I hope she is finally sleeping, because as Jean mentioned, sleep deprivation seems to fuel the paranoia.  When she emerges, I will offer to make something that's a favorite.  

 

I don't really have anyone at my parish that I can trust.  I was more or less abandoned when things got bad with K 4 years ago.  Part of it was due to some activities that ran their course and I didn't have anything to take their place and part of it was that there was a faction of intolerant people of a certain political persuasion that made it a potentially hostile place.  At the same time, my friends seemed to get too busy for me.  Yes, I got busy, but it really hurt when invitations stopped.  Our pastor is a joke, one of the phoniest people I have ever met.  He is a failed actor who went into the priesthood when he realized he wasn't going to make it in Hollywood.  He is all about the show.  Joy, joy, happy, happy.  He is all about emotional impact (I hear in my head him saying "more creshendo, choir"), but his impact misses when he can't recognized that people in the congregation are suffering.  Yeah, a homily about how great it is to spend time with family and how we all love each other is a stab in the gut when your house is so tense you can cut it with a knife and your extended family stays away.   I can't tell you how hard it is to control my middle finger in mass sometimes.  (Until 4 years ago, it would never have even occurred to me to flip someone off.)  

 

I do have a friend in the mental health field who is very familiar with our situation.  She and I will be having a chat in another hour (texting I'm afraid) because she lives 2 hours away and we both don't feel like we can talk out loud. 

 

I'm so very sorry. To deal with what you are dealing with is bad enough. To feel as though you have been abandoned to deal with it alone must be almost unbearable. 

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oh hugs. 

 

On top of everything, I hate to add another "job" for you to do, but can you find another parish? Even if you stay kind of anonymous there, it would be good to have somewhere that does give you some peace on sundays, instead of adding to your burdens. 

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