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25 yo man interested in 15 year old girl.


Scarlett
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If they are chaste, I'll eat my hat. If they want to find time and a place alone together, they will. And she would be easy to convince because she is a CHILD.

 

 

True if they want to be unchaste they will find a way.  I don't really see it happening though. 

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The trip makes a little more sense with the additional info. It's still a little weird and I trust Scarlet that it made her alarm bells go off. But now I can see how it happened. In my head it was like my engaged aunt who went on a camping trip with her fiance's family, eons ago. Clearly it wasn't that intimately-planned.

 

Not to sidetrack the thread, but a couple people had a problem with me saying that family vacations for 20-somethings seem rare. I say that as someone fresh out of her 20s. Among my friends and acquaintances, it is indeed rare. Most young people are off doing their own things once they have their own vacation time and money. Of course YMMV. It's certainly not wrong or creepy in any way to vacation with one's parents. I just don't see a lot of it in my set, and since the original post had little information about the trip, if it had been the parents going on a nice vacation and paying the way of their adult child and his decade-younger crush...well, that would really be weird and make me wonder if something was wrong with the guy. So that's where I was coming from.

 

 

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I know that I'm preaching to the choir here, but her physical maturity isn't the issue. It's her emotional maturity. But I know that you know that. I'm just piggy backing on what you said to make an additional point.

Emotional maturity, life experience, education.

 

She is simply too vulnerable at 15.

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She was only 10 when we moved here and she immediately had her eyes on my ds who was 12. It was very obvious.  But of course they were children.  My son didn't really notice how much she tried to get his attention for a couple of years.  Then she suddenly liked another boy, also my son's age.  At the time I felt she was game playing but again, she isn't my kid and they were all very young.  Her mom especially is very very blind to the girls games and how much she flirts.  I don't think the dad is blind.  I think we just felt it was inside the realm of normal for the age and we just were waiting for it to pass and keeping a good eye on all of them in the meantime.  

 

And she certainly has not been raised to think she only has value if attached to a boy.  I know that might be common in some conservative religions but it is NOT how our girls or boys are raised.  I never saw that kind of attitude out of her or out of her parents.  

 

My son has always been annoyed by her games.  She is a smart girl who plays dumb and my son can't abide by that.  LOL...... 

 

some kids are, and I've known a few (including ones that drove their parents nuts)..  none of mine were.   1ds has had many girls chase him since he was in middle school.  he would be oblivious.

 

I know there isn't anything you can do, she's not your kid.  If she were, I be encouraging her for a marketable education.  My dd took a class at the cc that wasn't part of running start.  my niece's boyfriend was enrolled in both the uni and a cc at 15.

 

I just think girls should have a college education too - and that is not dependent upon age.

 

She is quite busy.  She does a lot of volunteering.  And I found out last night she is working in the same office where her dad works. 

 

And for all I know they are setting up some more schooling for her.  A lot of programs won't accept her until she is 18.  I am not really on good terms with them currently so who knows what is going on behind the scenes.  

 

 

tbh- it sounds like busy work. she's probably intellectually bored.   she's probably also been given the message (by actions or indirect words of someone whose opinion is meaningful to her) girls are supposed to be dumb for boys to like them.   I would consider that a problem. she may think her only option in life is to get married and have babies.

 

don't get me wrong, I look forward to all of my children getting married and having babies, including my sons. I also want them to have an education.

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For those viewing him as a pedophile of some sort that doesn't compute; I was regularly mistaken for an adult at age 14, even for the mother of my 5 year old sister. People frequently assumed I was older than my 16 year old brother.

 

A fifteen year old girl can look physically like an adult, and men who are attracted only to physically adult looking women are by definition not pedophiles.

 

 

Doesn't mean the dude doesn't have poor judgment and need to have the real adults in his life (seemingly not his parents or hers) set him straight about appropriate and inappropriate relationships.

I don't care what the heck she looks like, once he knows she is 15, he has a problem if he doesn't change his attitude pronto.

 

I know 12/13 year olds that easily were/are as curvy and womanly looking as a short adult woman. That is ZERO excuse for a man to think he can have a relationship with her. The second he knows she is much younger than he thought, he is a perv if it has no effect on his interest in her.

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Agreed, but a 25 y.o. is  a man and not a boy. Her flirting with Scarlett's DS when they were both 'tweens is normal.

 

No, I don't think a 15 year old being interested in a 25 year old is abnormal either.  Totally and completely normal.

 

A heck of a lot of young women are not interested in teen boys, much less tweens - they look like kids, and often act like it.  

 

Like you see the young lions with their manes half grown in and wimpy little roars.  They aren't exactly drawing in the crowds of females.

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I know that I'm preaching to the choir here, but her physical maturity isn't the issue.  It's her emotional maturity.  But I know that you know that.  I'm just piggy backing on what you said to make an additional point. 

 

Oh yeah.  I mean, I think there are societies where it makes sense that young women might get married in their teens.  

 

There are too many variables in our society for that to work.  Sometimes that can cause problems because young people are sexually ready to procreate and it causes real tensions to put that off.  But there are advantages too.

 

What I don't like though is the idea that there is something abnormal about an attraction like that.  I think it's actually kind of important to realize that it really is very normal, and so it has to be very intentional for people to refrain from those relationships. Then maybe they would be less likely to get caught out.

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No, I don't think a 15 year old being interested in a 25 year old is abnormal either.  Totally and completely normal.

 

A heck of a lot of young women are not interested in teen boys, much less tweens - they look like kids, and often act like it.  

 

Like you see the young lions with their manes half grown in and wimpy little roars.  They aren't exactly drawing in the crowds of females.

 

Sure, at 14, 15, even some 16 y.o.'s. But mid-to-late teen boys are often fully mature from a physical standpoint (mentally they often have a ways to go). I've seen my DH's high school photos and he didn't look appreciably different at 17 than he did when I met him at 19 about to turn 20.

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Sure, at 14, 15, even some 16 y.o.'s. But mid-to-late teen boys are often fully mature from a physical standpoint (mentally they often have a ways to go). I've seen my DH's high school photos and he didn't look appreciably different at 17 than he did when I met him at 19 about to turn 20.

 

Ah, well, I think at 20 they often still look like boys, and I felt that way when I was 15, too.  Men don't seem to look finished until they are 25 or so.

 

ETA - and sometimes they aren't even growing a lot of facial hair by then.

Edited by Bluegoat
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not ok at all. 

 

After college, then they can talk. 

 

My dh is almost 10 yrs older than I. But we met when I was 19, and started dating when I was close to 20. Anything while i was still in school would have been icky, not to mention illegal.

 

 

To be clear it is not illegal to date someone who is 15.  It is illegal to have sex with them.

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She can register for CC as an independent adult. With a high school diploma, she could walk in with the diploma, take the COMPASS, and be fine. She could apply for financial aid since she's a high school graduate. The barrier would be paying for whatever is not covered by financial aid (or paying for it completely if the parents would not cooperate in getting financial aid). If the local high schools are really poor, she probably won't be the only 15-16 yr old there-it's a pretty common way to get some "high school plus" coursework for kids who are running out of other options but aren't ready to go away to college or enter the workforce yet.

This is good to know.

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The trip makes a little more sense with the additional info. It's still a little weird and I trust Scarlet that it made her alarm bells go off. But now I can see how it happened. In my head it was like my engaged aunt who went on a camping trip with her fiance's family, eons ago. Clearly it wasn't that intimately-planned.

 

Not to sidetrack the thread, but a couple people had a problem with me saying that family vacations for 20-somethings seem rare. I say that as someone fresh out of her 20s. Among my friends and acquaintances, it is indeed rare. Most young people are off doing their own things once they have their own vacation time and money. Of course YMMV. It's certainly not wrong or creepy in any way to vacation with one's parents. I just don't see a lot of it in my set, and since the original post had little information about the trip, if it had been the parents going on a nice vacation and paying the way of their adult child and his decade-younger crush...well, that would really be weird and make me wonder if something was wrong with the guy. So that's where I was coming from.

Same here. I didn't think it was odd that the guy went on vacation with his own family. The part that I found icky is that they brought the then-14yo girl along with them and I was wondering if the two sets of parents were already trying to match up a 24yo man with a 14yo girl. :ack2:

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If they are chaste, I'll eat my hat. If they want to find time and a place alone together, they will. And she would be easy to convince because she is a CHILD.

 

Some people actually do wait until marriage to have sex. Shocking, I know, but it is still the norm in some circles.  :)

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Agreed, but a 25 y.o. is a man and not a boy. Her flirting with Scarlett's DS when they were both 'tweens is normal.

I can excuse the girl for flirting with a 25yo man. She's just a kid and she's trying to feel grown up and attractive. She thinks she knows what she's doing, but she really doesn't have a clue. What I can't excuse is the 25yo man encouraging her when he knows she's only 15 years old.

 

He's the adult here. He should have put the brakes on as soon as he realized she was attracted to him.

 

And don't get me started on both sets of parents... again. :glare: I can't even begin to justify their attitudes toward this.

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Same here. I didn't think it was odd that the guy went on vacation with his own family. The part that I found icky is that they brought the then-14yo girl along with them and I was wondering if the two sets of parents were already trying to match up a 24yo man with a 14yo girl. :ack2:

 

 

He was actually just a stop on the vacation.  He was living in NY at the time.  It seemed normal enough...the man's mom took her niece and this other 15 year old friend.  

 

Who knows at what point everyone began thinking it would be a good match.

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Some people actually do wait until marriage to have sex. Shocking, I know, but it is still the norm in some circles. :)

It's just that everything about this situation is so far from any kind of norm, that I'm not sure we can assume much of anything about what will happen between this man and the girl.

 

I hope they plan to wait a looooooooong time!

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At 15 she has graduated from PF, which she did in one year--and had a high school education before she started that--which would mean she would have completed high school by 13 or 14.  I would think a child that is really that advanced would be craving more education.  What do the parents expect her to be doing with her life at this point?

 

Why would a bright kid be more likely to want education instead of marriage?

 

I could have finished high school at 15, easily; I had the entrance scores for the state U at age 12.  I was pushed into college (as are all half-bright kids in the suburbs, and I was quite bright so there was really no choice) and it was a waste of 4 years.  I don't see why marriage and family are worse options for a smart woman than for a stupid woman.  Is the use of the mind to educate your children and provide a stable and welcoming home environment a waste compared to say getting a degree and teaching college?  

 

Personally, I think the latter is the waste, but I don't go around telling people that.

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Why would a bright kid be more likely to want education instead of marriage?

 

I could have finished high school at 15, easily; I had the entrance scores for the state U at age 12.  I was pushed into college (as are all half-bright kids in the suburbs, and I was quite bright so there was really no choice) and it was a waste of 4 years.  I don't see why marriage and family are worse options for a smart woman than for a stupid woman.  Is the use of the mind to educate your children and provide a stable and welcoming home environment a waste compared to say getting a degree and teaching college?  

 

Personally, I think the latter is the waste, but I don't go around telling people that.

 

Marriage prospects are better for women who have bachelor's degrees or higher and the risk of divorce is much lower. So I would encourage even daughters who had marriage and babies on the brain to go to college, because if nothing else, it will improve their dating pool. I didn't go to college for my M.R.S. but I ended up meeting DH during my freshman orientation and we got married 2 weeks after I graduated.

 

My parents met in grad school, as did my maternal grandparents and one of my uncles & his wife.

 

Edited by Crimson Wife
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Why would a bright kid be more likely to want education instead of marriage?

 

I could have finished high school at 15, easily; I had the entrance scores for the state U at age 12. I was pushed into college (as are all half-bright kids in the suburbs, and I was quite bright so there was really no choice) and it was a waste of 4 years. I don't see why marriage and family are worse options for a smart woman than for a stupid woman. Is the use of the mind to educate your children and provide a stable and welcoming home environment a waste compared to say getting a degree and teaching college?

 

Personally, I think the latter is the waste, but I don't go around telling people that.

I don't think it has to be an either/or situation. She can have both. :)

 

I think the issue is that if the marriage doesn't work out, it's good to have a degree to fall back on.

 

If this girl has nothing but a Penn Foster diploma, she's not going to be qualified for any kind of decent job. That's not good for her. That's how a lot of women end up feeling trapped in bad marriages -- they know they won't be able to make enough money to support themselves and their children.

 

And even if this girl and the guy get married and are very happy together, what if the guy ends up getting sick or injured and the girl has to work to support the family? She will have no qualifications whatsoever. That's bad for everyone involved.

 

She is only 15. She might as well be doing something constructive with her time instead of simply sitting around (or working menial jobs) and waiting to get married. It sounds like her father would support her, so going to college (or a trade school or getting some kind of certification) would seem to make a lot of sense.

Edited by Catwoman
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I don't think it has to be an either/or situation. She can have both. :)

 

I think the issue is that if the marriage doesn't work out, it's good to have a degree to fall back on.

 

If this girl has nothing but a Penn Foster diploma, she's not going to be qualified for any kind of decent job. That's not good for her. That's how a lot of women end up feeling trapped in bad marriages -- they know they won't be able to make enough money to support themselves and their children.

 

And even if this girl and the guy get married and are very happy together, what if the guy ends up getting sick or injured and the girl has to work to support the family? She will have no qualifications whatsoever. That's bad for everyone involved.

 

She is only 15. She might as well be doing something constructive with her time instead of simply sitting around (or working menial jobs) and waiting to get married. It sounds like her father would support her, so going to college (or a trade school or getting some kind of certification) would seem to make a lot of sense.

Exactly.

 

It isn't a matter of whether or not she's smart. Any woman is better off if she has the ability to support herself and her family, whether or not actually doing so is her first choice.

 

Editing to add that I really think it is tantamount to abuse for her parents not to insist on some sort of marketable education right now, when they have the opportunity to make it happen. They are allowing her to end up in a very vulnerable situation. That doesn't mean I think (eventual) marriage and motherhood are bad choices, just that having the security of a good education first is safer.

Edited by Innisfree
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Why would a bright kid be more likely to want education instead of marriage?

 

I could have finished high school at 15, easily; I had the entrance scores for the state U at age 12.  I was pushed into college (as are all half-bright kids in the suburbs, and I was quite bright so there was really no choice) and it was a waste of 4 years.  I don't see why marriage and family are worse options for a smart woman than for a stupid woman.  Is the use of the mind to educate your children and provide a stable and welcoming home environment a waste compared to say getting a degree and teaching college?  

 

Personally, I think the latter is the waste, but I don't go around telling people that.

 

 

Thank you.  

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Exactly.

 

It isn't a matter of whether or not she's smart. Any woman is better off if she has the ability to support herself and her family, whether or not actually doing so is her first choice.

 

 

Well sure.  But a lot of women support themselves with no college education.  

 

And if a 15 year old has no interest in doing something that costs money I don't see any point in trying to make her.  

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Well sure. But a lot of women support themselves with no college education.

 

And if a 15 year old has no interest in doing something that costs money I don't see any point in trying to make her.

 

Oh, I agree it doesn't have to be college. Just some sort of qualifications and experience that will give her a chance at more than a minimum wage job. Maybe working for her father will do that. I hope so.

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Why would a bright kid be more likely to want education instead of marriage?

 

I could have finished high school at 15, easily; I had the entrance scores for the state U at age 12.  I was pushed into college (as are all half-bright kids in the suburbs, and I was quite bright so there was really no choice) and it was a waste of 4 years.  I don't see why marriage and family are worse options for a smart woman than for a stupid woman.  Is the use of the mind to educate your children and provide a stable and welcoming home environment a waste compared to say getting a degree and teaching college?  

 

Personally, I think the latter is the waste, but I don't go around telling people that.

 

I was not suggesting that a bright kid would be more likely to want education instead of marriage.  First, I do not know why it would need to be an either/or situation.  I woman (or a man) can use the mind to educate her own children and provide a stable and welcoming home environment AND get a degree and teach college.  Second, I do not think either is a waste.  I think it is best when a young woman (or a young man) has the choice to do either or both. 

 

I, too, could have easily finished high school at 15--I do not think it would have been in my best interest to do so.  I think my life has been greatly enriched by the things that I continued to learn beyond the minimum requirements. 

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Well sure. But a lot of women support themselves with no college education.

 

And if a 15 year old has no interest in doing something that costs money I don't see any point in trying to make her.

Because she's 15 and she doesn't realize how much harder her life could be if she doesn't continue her education.

 

It's a lot easier to get a job and support yourself when you are well-educated than when you aren't, so what some of us are saying is that if her father is supportive, she should take advantage of the opportunity he is offering. There is no reason for her to be stuck in menial jobs when it sounds like she would be able to achieve much more -- and make a better living, as well.

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Oh, I agree it doesn't have to be college. Just some sort of qualifications and experience that will give her a chance at more than a minimum wage job. Maybe working for her father will do that. I hope so.

I agree, and I hope so, too.

 

She's only 15, so although she thinks she knows what she wants for her future, she is still an immature young teenager who has very little life experience. That's why it's up to her parents to insist that she continue her education instead of waiting for her dream marriage to what sounds like a very immature 25yo man, which may never even happen.

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Exactly.

 

It isn't a matter of whether or not she's smart. Any woman is better off if she has the ability to support herself and her family, whether or not actually doing so is her first choice.

 

Editing to add that I really think it is tantamount to abuse for her parents not to insist on some sort of marketable education right now, when they have the opportunity to make it happen. They are allowing her to end up in a very vulnerable situation. That doesn't mean I think (eventual) marriage and motherhood are bad choices, just that having the security of a good education first is safer.

 

 

Her parents are not anywhere near abusive.  She is just a a kid still and they are taking care of her the way they think best.  They rushed her through school which I think was a mistake but it is not some critical mistake.  She is doing stuff.  I don't feel comfortable telling all the detailsl I know about her life, but she is not wasting her life away.

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Well sure.  But a lot of women support themselves with no college education.  

 

And if a 15 year old has no interest in doing something that costs money I don't see any point in trying to make her.  

 

I am not a big supporter of a 15-year old in college (any more than I am of a 15-year old contemplating marriage).  I think most 15 year olds are still exploring options and I tend to favor as much exploration and having as many doors open as possible.  I think, in most situations, a 15-year old is not ready to be put in the situation of choosing between attending college or receiving no additional formal education. 

 

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Her parents are not anywhere near abusive. She is just a a kid still and they are taking care of her the way they think best. They rushed her through school which I think was a mistake but it is not some critical mistake. She is doing stuff. I don't feel comfortable telling all the detailsl I know about her life, but she is not wasting her life away.

I'm glad she's doing stuff.

 

I don't think her parents are awful people, and after all, I don't even know them. You do, so you obviously have a better handle on the situation than I do.

 

I do think they would be showing poor judgement to let her education end now, but maybe they have other plans.

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I am not a big supporter of a 15-year old in college (any more than I am of a 15-year old contemplating marriage).  I think most 15 year olds are still exploring options and I tend to favor as much exploration and having as many doors open as possible.  I think, in most situations, a 15-year old is not ready to be put in the situation of choosing between attending college or receiving no additional formal education. 

 

 

 

I didn't let my bright son finish high school early.  I just couldn't figure out what he would do once he was done.  He certainly would not have been emotionally ready for college at 15.  So put him to work for 3 or 4 years?  I don't know, it just didn't make sense.  And I discouraged my friends from letting this girl finish early with a fluff program. But she is focusing on some personal and spiritual goals and learning an obscure foreign language to use in ministry....

 

She can draft.  She hates it but there is a skill for her if she needs to support herself.  LOL...

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I didn't let my bright son finish high school early.  I just couldn't figure out what he would do once he was done.  He certainly would not have been emotionally ready for college at 15.  So put him to work for 3 or 4 years?  I don't know, it just didn't make sense.  And I discouraged my friends from letting this girl finish early with a fluff program. But she is focusing on some personal and spiritual goals and learning an obscure foreign language to use in ministry....

 

She can draft.  She hates it but there is a skill for her if she needs to support herself.  LOL...

 

Draft as in military?  Or drafting table draft?

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Why would a bright kid be more likely to want education instead of marriage?

 

I could have finished high school at 15, easily; I had the entrance scores for the state U at age 12.  I was pushed into college (as are all half-bright kids in the suburbs, and I was quite bright so there was really no choice) and it was a waste of 4 years.  I don't see why marriage and family are worse options for a smart woman than for a stupid woman.  Is the use of the mind to educate your children and provide a stable and welcoming home environment a waste compared to say getting a degree and teaching college?  

 

Personally, I think the latter is the waste, but I don't go around telling people that.

 

I am sympathetic to this argument. It's only extremely recently that college-for-all has been pushed. My 4 years in college were not quite a waste, but I sometimes wish I had lived in a different era.

 

That said, it doesn't have to be an either/or. A 15 year old can't get married yet (well, as far as I can tell in Scarlet's area), and such a young brain is primed for learning of all types, not just a formal college experience. That's partly why I advocated, earlier in this thread, traveling, volunteering abroad, visiting relatives, etc. I don't believe that people must have a college experience, although a few classes in child development or something along those lines wouldn't go amiss. But there are plenty of other activities she could be engaged in besides menial work, activities that will stretch her brain and challenge her in different ways, some of which she'll have a difficult time doing once she starts having kids. My personal opinion is that nothing makes you grow like getting married and having kids, BUT she is not legally old enough yet, and may as well take advantage of her opportunities in the meantime. And besides helping her grow as a person, it'll help her realize that it doesn't have to be this one guy in her small church and small town. There are lots of amazing men in the world. If they're truly perfect for each other they'll hopefully have an honest talk about it and give her the space to mature and get up to legal age.

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I am sympathetic to this argument. It's only extremely recently that college-for-all has been pushed. My 4 years in college were not quite a waste, but I sometimes wish I had lived in a different era.

 

That said, it doesn't have to be an either/or. A 15 year old can't get married yet (well, as far as I can tell in Scarlet's area), and such a young brain is primed for learning of all types, not just a formal college experience. That's partly why I advocated, earlier in this thread, traveling, volunteering abroad, visiting relatives, etc. I don't believe that people must have a college experience, although a few classes in child development or something along those lines wouldn't go amiss. But there are plenty of other activities she could be engaged in besides menial work, activities that will stretch her brain and challenge her in different ways, some of which she'll have a difficult time doing once she starts having kids. My personal opinion is that nothing makes you grow like getting married and having kids, BUT she is not legally old enough yet, and may as well take advantage of her opportunities in the meantime. And besides helping her grow as a person, it'll help her realize that it doesn't have to be this one guy in her small church and small town. There are lots of amazing men in the world. If they're truly perfect for each other they'll hopefully have an honest talk about it and give her the space to mature and get up to legal age.

There is a college for all mindset going on. It usually takes the bent of 'well she needs to be able to support herself' ....and then ' being educated will help you raise children and be a good wife even if you don't need to support yourself'

 

Two things. 1) It is possible and happens all the time that people support the,selves without a college degree. 2) There are many ways to become educated that don't involve a degree.

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IĂ¢â‚¬â„¢ll second RedĂ¢â‚¬â„¢s stance that the girl is probably doing better than at public school.

 

It was just announced today that our school district, one of the largest in the state, has less than 25% of students able to score at proficient in their grade level in lauguage arts or math. So if sheĂ¢â‚¬â„¢s proficient enough to even manage PF, sheĂ¢â‚¬â„¢s better off than 75% of students in our schools. Unfortunately, this might make some think sheĂ¢â‚¬â„¢s super smart and driven. The reality is more likely that she only seems that way compared to all education mediocrity of her peers. (Which is not the fault of her peers or a reflection of their academic ability, but the fault of a failed institutional system they have no control over.)

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There is a college for all mindset going on. It usually takes the bent of 'well she needs to be able to support herself' ....and then ' being educated will help you raise children and be a good wife even if you don't need to support yourself'

 

Two things. 1) It is possible and happens all the time that people support the,selves without a college degree. 2) There are many ways to become educated that don't involve a degree.

I do not have a college for all mindset.

 

I absolutely do have an education for all mindset.

 

Because many more people struggle to provide for themselves and families without it. And because most employers donĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t much care about anything that isnĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t documented, that means people have to figure out how to document that education. Certification process, degree, but something. And because it takes time to attain an education that a childless living at home 18 yr old can manage a lot easier than someone older who decided they do need it after all.

Edited by Murphy101
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There is a college for all mindset going on. It usually takes the bent of 'well she needs to be able to support herself' ....and then ' being educated will help you raise children and be a good wife even if you don't need to support yourself'

 

Two things. 1) It is possible and happens all the time that people support the,selves without a college degree. 2) There are many ways to become educated that don't involve a degree.

 

I think we basically agree.

 

My argument just takes a slightly different thrust: that she is too young to marry even if she wanted to, and can use the time to broader her horizons and continue her education in some way. It does not need to be a formal education with a degree.

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There is a college for all mindset going on. It usually takes the bent of 'well she needs to be able to support herself' ....and then ' being educated will help you raise children and be a good wife even if you don't need to support yourself'

 

Two things. 1) It is possible and happens all the time that people support the,selves without a college degree. 2) There are many ways to become educated that don't involve a degree.

 

Could this girl support herself without a college degree, some kind of specialized trade, or a professional certification? Sure.

 

But how well will she be able to live? How much less money will she be making than she would have made if she'd had a better education?

 

It's all about opportunities. And she will have more and better opportunities if she has more than a high school diploma from Penn Foster to recommend her.

 

No one has said she wouldn't be able to survive without more education. What we have said is that she appears to have an opportunity to do better for herself than work at menial jobs (because she doesn't qualify for anything else right now,) so we think it would be a good idea for her to accept that opportunity.

 

Why would anyone think it was a good idea for that girl to intentionally limit herself when it doesn't have to be that way for her? And honestly, education just for the sake of education can be a really great thing, too. As the girl moves through her life, a solid education will help her be better able to comfortably interact with all kinds of people, because she will have a far greater breadth of knowledge than if she settles for nothing more than a one-year high school program.

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I do not have a college for all mindset.

 

I absolutely do have an education for all mindset.

 

Because many more people struggle to provide for themselves and families without it. And because most employers donĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t much care about anything that isnĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t documented, that means people have to figure out how to document that education. Certification process, degree, but something. And because it takes time to attain an education that an childless loving at home 18 yr old can manage a lot easier than someone older who decided they do need it after all.

:iagree:

 

She is in the best possible position right now. She lives at home for free and she has a father who will finance her education. She will never lose anything by becoming more educated, but she could absolutely gain a lot from it, both intellectually and financially.

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Could this girl support herself without a college degree, some kind of specialized trade, or a professional certification? Sure.

 

But how well will she be able to live? How much less money will she be making than she would have made if she'd had a better education?

 

It's all about opportunities. And she will have more and better opportunities if she has more than a high school diploma from Penn Foster to recommend her.

 

No one has said she wouldn't be able to survive without more education. What we have said is that she appears to have an opportunity to do better for herself than work at menial jobs (because she doesn't qualify for anything else right now,) so we think it would be a good idea for her to accept that opportunity.

 

Why would anyone think it was a good idea for that girl to intentionally limit herself when it doesn't have to be that way for her? And honestly, education just for the sake of education can be a really great thing, too. As the girl moves through her life, a solid education will help her be better able to comfortably interact with all kinds of people, because she will have a far greater breadth of knowledge than if she settles for nothing more than a one-year high school program.

And I don't disagree. She just now finished her PF. So I don't know what they have planned for her. But I doubt it is as dire as some seem to suggest.

 

My issue is much less about what and when more education she gets than about them encouraging a relationship with a grown man 10 years her senior.

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And I don't disagree. She just now finished her PF. So I don't know what they have planned for her. But I doubt it is as dire as some seem to suggest.

 

My issue is much less about what and when more education she gets than about them encouraging a relationship with a grown man 10 years her senior.

My feeling is that the education aspect is even more important when you consider the relationship with the 25yo.

 

Maybe if she goes to college, she will meet a wider variety of people and realize how immature the 25yo is, and she will decide to wait a while to rush into marriage, instead of being a 16yo bride.

 

If nothing else, if she gets some kind of additional education, even if she marries this guy, at least she will have some qualifications for employment if the marriage doesn't work out. Right now, she has nothing.

Edited by Catwoman
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My issue is much less about what and when more education she gets than about them encouraging a relationship with a grown man 10 years her senior.

I don't know all of the details in this situation, but to me the two issues are enmeshed.  When I hear, "Graduate from high school at 15..."  I hear a rush to grow up unless there is a clear reason for the early graduation.  To me it is ushering someone into adulthood, without associated decisions and issues.  Often parents of extremely gifted children end up with this dilemma; I see know reason for creating it when there is not a strong reason for it.  

 

I also think there are some other major differences.  Parents cannot control whom their children are attracted to.  Parents, in this case, can choose to graduate a 15 year old from high school.  (I am not clear about how much the parents are encourage the relationship versus tolerating or enabling the relationship.)  Also, this relationship may or may not develop.  Her education stays with her for life, whether she is in this relationship in 5, 10, or 20 years.  The relationship she may or may not have for life.

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When DH was 16 he had a relationship with a 26 year old woman. To me she was a predator who set her sights on a child. DH didn't see it that way - after our daughters were born, he changed his mind. 

 

The age difference disturbs me in that, what does a 25 year old have in common, life experience wise, with a 15 year old child? Unless he really is as immature and naive as he seems to be. In which case, I'd be more likely to suggest he broaden his experiences a bit rather than spending time with a teenage girl. 

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I don't think it has to be an either/or situation. She can have both. :)

 

I think the issue is that if the marriage doesn't work out, it's good to have a degree to fall back on.

 

If this girl has nothing but a Penn Foster diploma, she's not going to be qualified for any kind of decent job. That's not good for her. That's how a lot of women end up feeling trapped in bad marriages -- they know they won't be able to make enough money to support themselves and their children.

 

And even if this girl and the guy get married and are very happy together, what if the guy ends up getting sick or injured and the girl has to work to support the family? She will have no qualifications whatsoever. That's bad for everyone involved.

 

She is only 15. She might as well be doing something constructive with her time instead of simply sitting around (or working menial jobs) and waiting to get married. It sounds like her father would support her, so going to college (or a trade school or getting some kind of certification) would seem to make a lot of sense.

 

Not just -the marriage not working.  (though one possibility.)

the below are all things I've encountered irl more times than I'd like to count.

husbands die young.

husbands get injured, or ill, and can't work.

husbands lose their job.

 

 

while many marketable skills require their hand to be kept in the field to work in it, many ONLY care that you have a degree. (they don't pay much, but they do more than retail.) 

 

OP - I seem to recall you live in a  low COL area.  most area's aren't. they may or may not stay in that area - depends where and what jobs are available.  besides, col can change.  

 

I think parents not preparing a daughter to support herself and her children without the help of her husband (because it happens, and divorce is but ONE reason!), is irresponsible.

I'm also of the opinion that a daughter with a good education has much to offer her children.  (she doens't have to work to "use" it.)

 

Well sure.  But a lot of women support themselves with no college education.  

 

And if a 15 year old has no interest in doing something that costs money I don't see any point in trying to make her.  

 

they don't make a decent living without marketable skills. 

Edited by gardenmom5
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My feeling is that the education aspect is even more important when you consider the relationship with the 25yo.

 

Maybe if she goes to college, she will meet a wider variety of people and realize how immature the 25yo is, and she will decide to wait a while to rush into marriage, instead of being a 16yo bride.

 

If nothing else, if she gets some kind of additional education, even if she marries this guy, at least she will have some qualifications for employment if the marriage doesn't work out. Right now, she has nothing.

I wouldn't send a 15 year old away to college.

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Not just -the marriage not working. (though one possibility.)

the below are all things I've encountered irl more times than I'd like to count.

husbands die young.

husbands get injured, or ill, and can't work.

husbands lose their job.

 

 

while many marketable skills require their hand to be kept in the field to work in it, many ONLY care that you have a degree. (they don't pay much, but they do more than retail.)

 

OP - I seem to recall you live in a low COL area. most area's aren't. they may or may not stay in that area - depends where and what jobs are available. besides, col can change.

 

I think parents not preparing a daughter to support herself and her children without the help of her husband (because it happens, and divorce is but ONE reason!), is irresponsible.

I'm also of the opinion that a daughter with a good education has much to offer her children. (she doens't have to work to "use" it.)

 

 

they don't make a decent living without marketable skills.

They won't leave the area. I think that is one of the reason the parents are encouraging this. They want them close.

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