If you just found out you were pregnant, what would you do?

[Guest]

I'm 45, and I know I'm still quite fertile. Mt great-grandmother had my Uncle Charlie, her eighth child, when she was 52. Fertility runs deep in my family. So this is a question I frequently ask myself. And my answer changes nearly as often as I change my socks.

[Guest]

Just a heads up that fertility DOES decline precipitously in your forties; yes, Crimson Wife, you very well may be able to conceive just by tossing the birth control but if you put it off for four more years you won't.

 

Genes like Kinsa's do exist but the movie stars and celebrities you see having kids in their late 40s and early 50s are using donor eggs.

 

I stopped TTCing for another at 46. Another friend who "hit the jackpot" with an over 40 pregnancy the same year I did stopped when she couldn't handle any more miscarriages, since the risk gradually increases from one in three or whatever it is in your 20s and 30s (they couldn't detect pregnancies as early when I was fertile as they can now, so it looks a lot worse than it is) to pretty much 100% before you even stop having periods.

 

Menopause is a process is different for everybody, but it can be a long, long, process for some of us. Of course I was perimenopausal when my nine year old was conceived and I am still menopausal two years after my last period.

 

I conceived my son on purpose with a man I didn't love in unstable financial conditions because the only other alternative would have been never having him. I'm not ashamed of what I did no matter how many eyebrows it raised but it makes me sad when I see people setting themselvbes up for heartbreak so I get all teachy-preachy like this if I'm not careful.

 

 

[G5052]

I'm 45, and I know I'm still quite fertile. Mt great-grandmother had my Uncle Charlie, her eighth child, when she was 52. Fertility runs deep in my family. So this is a question I frequently ask myself. And my answer changes nearly as often as I change my socks.

 

I had no problems getting pregnant in my 40's and didn't reach menopause until I was 55. Being familiar with natural family planning, I could tell that I was still ovulating until the last 6 months or so of my cycles. So indeed it was something I watched until menopause. My OB/GYN said that I had the biology of someone who might get pregnant much later than most, but of course no guarantees. Pregnancy is a complex process. 

[nixpix5]

I would be thrilled and then terrified as I calculated how old I would be when the child launched from the nest. As wonderful as it sounds, I am sort of glad it isn't a possibility for us.

[Shellydon]

I would cry.  The last think I want is another baby. 

[JustEm]

Well this thread made me buy a test and check. It was negative. Of course, only getting my period will really was my mind. Being 9 months postpartum and not have my period back is very odd for my body. Shoot I was pregnant again with my second when my oldest was 9 months(that time it was planned.) This would not be planned

[mommyoffive]

Well, I can tell you what a did a couple months ago - I'd cry (happy tears), tell DH, make an OB appt, and start planning for a caboose baby.

I can't get/be pg right now as my d&e was almost a month ago (partial molar pg with one non-viable baby & one super fast growing tumor) & I have a follow-up d&c scheduled on this Wed because there's still tissue in there that none of us want to become invasive cancer. Doc says no pregnancies until at least 6 months after my hcg #s hit zero (and last check was a 74 so I have awhile yet to go on the weekly blood checks). As I'm on the 'other side' of 40 like many of the posters on this thread, that was probably my last chance for another kid to potty train, teach to read, and teach to ride a bike without training wheels.

 

But I can rejoice with all the others who are newly pregnant through almost-done-with-being-pregnant.

 

I am so sorry.  

 

Sending you some hugs and prayers. 

[happypamama]

I'm glad you brought this up because there are some people with wacky cycles that ovulate on day 4 of a 14 day cycle, or day 38 of a 48 day cycle. (And don't believe anyone who tells you that you can't have kids when your luteal phase is 10 days or less. Certainly, a short luteal phase might be a problem for some, but others can conceive and carry to term.) If you are trying to get pregnant, know thy body. (Doesn't help them stick, esp. if there is a genetic problem.)

I have one kid courtesy of about a day 60 ovulation (while nursing), and one kid who was a lot later than that (also while nursing). Of course, the really late one is the one I didn’t get to keep in the end, so I suspect there was just something wonky about him from conception. But I don’t think any of mine have been a day 14 ovulation. You have to know your body!

[Spy Car]

I would be very surprised.

 

Bill

[DawnM]

I'm 45, and I know I'm still quite fertile. Mt great-grandmother had my Uncle Charlie, her eighth child, when she was 52. Fertility runs deep in my family. So this is a question I frequently ask myself. And my answer changes nearly as often as I change my socks.

 

OH MY WORD!  I am 51.  No, No, No!  I am in that "grandchildren will probably come in the next 10 years" phase and I am definitely not wanting to raise a baby starting at 52.   A lot of my friends actually already have grandchildren.

[Guest]

 

OH MY WORD!  I am 51.  No, No, No!  I am in that "grandchildren will probably come in the next 10 years" phase and I am definitely not wanting to raise a baby starting at 52.   A lot of my friends actually already have grandchildren.

 

 

My dear little friend who is ten years younger than me just had her first grandchild!!! I feel your pain, little girl. ;)

 

Actually, I'm only 52, just embracing the "grumpy old lady" meme and saying "You kids get off my lawn!" every chance I get because of the caboose baby, lol.

[Mergath]

Probably call my OB and have a very serious discussion about terminating the pregnancy. My uterus is shot after my last pregnancy and the number of ways another pregnancy could kill me is almost comical. And my nine-year-old and new baby would probably like to have a mother for a while longer.

[Guest]

 

Probably call my OB and have a very serious discussion about terminating the pregnancy. My uterus is shot after my last pregnancy and the number of ways another pregnancy could kill me is almost comical. And my nine-year-old and new baby would probably like to have a mother for a while longer.

((((((((((((((((Mergath))))))))))))))))))))

 

That is exactly what I would do if the only daughter I will ever raise found out that she was pregnant. I am so, so sorry. I was on board break dealing with my feelings about never getting to be a (matrilineal) gramma while you were birthing and didn't know until now.

 

If anyone flames you for your brutal honesty, they get ALL my pent up anger about not having a nice, neat, medical diagnosis for why she almost bled to death and why the bleep she still can't get surgery so she can have a normal life with relationships and love and teA.

 

 

 

[73349]

!

Edited October 2, 2020 by Carolina Wren

[Crimson Wife]

There might be a loud confrontation in a certain doctor's office in this town, I tell you that.

 

One of my high school friend's parents separated and almost divorced when her mom turned up pregnant a decade after the dad's vasectomy. The dad had gone back for the post-procedure check and everything was clear at that time so he was convinced the mom had had an affair. The DNA test proved that the baby was his as apparently his body had spontaneously healed itself. It's rare but can happen.

[dsmith]

Well, as I'm post-menopausal I'd freak out! Then I'd think about my age and chronic health issues and freak out again. Then I'd tell dh and ds so they can freak out with me, lol. 

[Elizabeth86]

I'm glad you brought this up because there are some people with wacky cycles that ovulate on day 4 of a 14 day cycle, or day 38 of a 48 day cycle. (And don't believe anyone who tells you that you can't have kids when your luteal phase is 10 days or less. Certainly, a short luteal phase might be a problem for some, but others can conceive and carry to term.) If you are trying to get pregnant, know thy body. (Doesn't help them stick, esp. if there is a genetic problem.)

Not to mention it was my very first cycle back because of breastfeeding. This baby was 100% meant to be I am convinced.

[2_girls_mommy]

I would be so excited, but cautious with my excitement because of my age. Then I would call the ob, to see if he needs to see me early because of my age or anything. 

 

Beyond that, because of my knowledge of my extreme tiredness during pregnancy, I would begin mapping out some things and setting goals for the next few months because I know soon I won't be thinking straight just trying to get through the day to day. 

[Ananda]

I would be conflicted.  I desperately want more children. So I would be happy about that.  My husband has ordained that we will have no more children.  So I would be hesitant to tell him, but I think he would come around.   Pregnancy is tough and I have to get c-sections so uggg.  But more kids, yay!  I would probably hide it as long as I could to save my husband the stress.  In conclusion, I have no idea.

[Murphy101]

My ob/gyn's trick for getting pregnant:

 

Have tEa every other day from day 9 through 16 of your cycle (count from day your period starts). He calls it the "painting the fence" method.

 

That's how Captain was conceived. It was that last time... And for the record, I turned 44 2 weeks before he was born.

Ha. We always thought the trick was any or a combo of the following:

 

Get rid of all baby stuff

Lose a job

Make plans for the next that you just can't do while pregnant

Downsize your vehicle

Be relieved you no longer have to do diapers

Enjoy a full night's sleep without a baby kicks you in the face.

[Murphy101]

Dbl post

Edited October 3, 2017 by Murphy101

[ebrindam]

Cry.

[sweet2ndchance]

Anxiety/panic attack would be a given for me.

 

Our last pregnancy ended in a still birth in 2014. It would have been my 7th child and dh's second.

 

The pregnancy was a complete shock because I had an IUD in place when I found out I was pregnant. They removed the IUD at 7 weeks pregnant and gave us a 50-50 chance of making it to the second trimester. Somehow we beat those odds but lost the baby at 20 weeks when we went to find out the gender. The baby had been kicking, moving and had a strong heartbeat just the day before. We have no answers as to why we lost the baby. This came just weeks after our son suffered his first febrile seizure. It was a very rough year for us.

 

Given everything else we have in our lives at the moment, we have no plans to have any more though we haven't done anything permanent about it so as the last pregnancy has taught us, it is a possibility. But I doubt either of us could stop worrying long enough to enjoy the pregnancy.

[Crimson Wife]

Ha. We always thought the trick was any or a combo of the following:

 

Get rid of all baby stuff

Lose a job

Make plans for the next that you just can't do while pregnant

Downsize your vehicle

Be relieved you no longer have to do diapers

Enjoy a full night's sleep without a baby kicks you in the face.

I am convinced that if I get accepted to graduate school I will become pregnant shortly afterwards. We found out about our oldest 2 weeks after my DH got accepted to business school.

 

But at almost 41, I would feel better about interrupting grad school for a semester to waiting until I finish to think about having another baby.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Renthead Mommy]

First I would call my husband. Then we would figure out where we would have to go to have it taken care of. As I understand it, military insurance and docs can not do abortions, even if it was their screw up that got you pregnant. So we would have to look out in town. But we would not be having it.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Anxiety/panic attack would be a given for me.

 

Our last pregnancy ended in a still birth in 2014. It would have been my 7th child and dh's second.

 

The pregnancy was a complete shock because I had an IUD in place when I found out I was pregnant. They removed the IUD at 7 weeks pregnant and gave us a 50-50 chance of making it to the second trimester. Somehow we beat those odds but lost the baby at 20 weeks when we went to find out the gender. The baby had been kicking, moving and had a strong heartbeat just the day before. We have no answers as to why we lost the baby. This came just weeks after our son suffered his first febrile seizure. It was a very rough year for us.

 

Given everything else we have in our lives at the moment, we have no plans to have any more though we haven't done anything permanent about it so as the last pregnancy has taught us, it is a possibility. But I doubt either of us could stop worrying long enough to enjoy the pregnancy.

 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Ravin]

Consult a medical malpractice attorney about suing my OB/GYN. That factory's supposed to be shut down. 

[ktgrok]

I would be thrilled.

 

My husband agreed to #4 on the condition that I never even mention the possibility of a #5.  He then had a vasectomy (with my blessing).

 

Having another would be a stretch in so many ways, and it isn't something that I would deliberately choose to let happen.  But if the choice were taken out my hands?  I would be thrilled.

 

Wendy

 

This. Even the part about getting the 4th on the premise I never ask for a 5th. Although mine has mentioned that vasectomy, but hasn't done anything about it. So it's possible I guess, if a condom breaks. I'd be thrilled. Then panicked. Then thrilled again. I'm getting old and tired for pregnancy and babies at 41. But I do love babies. 

[shawthorne44]

One of my high school friend's parents separated and almost divorced when her mom turned up pregnant a decade after the dad's vasectomy. The dad had gone back for the post-procedure check and everything was clear at that time so he was convinced the mom had had an affair. The DNA test proved that the baby was his as apparently his body had spontaneously healed itself. It's rare but can happen.

 

That would be so rough!    The worst part would be the time span between the accusation and the ability to prove innocence.  

[ktgrok]

That would be so rough!    The worst part would be the time span between the accusation and the ability to prove innocence.  

 

I think now they can do DNA paternity testing with an amnio, but I'm not sure. I'd like to think my husband would just believe me. Also, couldn't the husband do a sperm test to see if there are some boys getting through?

[Scarlett]

I think now they can do DNA paternity testing with an amnio, but I'm not sure. I'd like to think my husband would just believe me. Also, couldn't the husband do a sperm test to see if there are some boys getting through?

I know of a family who got a surprise baby 9 years after a V. And when I say surprise I mean surprise.....she didn't know she was pregnant and went into a coma and when she was in ICU she gave birth to a full term healthy baby girl. The doctors discovered she was pregnant when they xrayed her stomach because it looked extended. The XRay tech called upstairs and said 'why did you have me XRay a pregnant woman!!!' The nurses and doctors ran to check her and discovered she was in labor.

 

The poor husband was alone in the waiting room of ICU.....his family had left to get food.....the doctor came in to the waiting room and the husband was sure he was going to hear that she had died. Instead he hears, 'your wife is in labor'. Husband says, 'she can't be, I have had a V'. Doctor says, ' Nonetheless she is having a baby'. And he left to deliver said baby.

 

She woke up from her coma briefly after the birth and was told, but then went back into a coma for two weeks. They still thought she might die. When she woke up after two weeks they told her she had given birth and she had no memory of being told the first time.

 

Can you even imagine?

Edited October 9, 2017 by A Red Color

[Guest]

I know of a family who got a surprise baby 9 years after a V. And when I say surprise I mean surprise.....she didn't know she was pregnant and went into a coma and when she was in ICU she gave birth to a full term healthy baby girl. The doctors discovered she was pregnant when they xrayed her stomach because it looked extended. The XRay tech called upstairs and said 'why did you have me XRay a pregnant woman!!!' The nurses and doctors ran to check her and discovered she was in labor.

 

The poor husband was alone in the waiting room of ICU.....his family had left to get food.....the doctor came in to the waiting room and the husband was sure he was going to hear that she had died. Instead he hears, 'your wife is in labor'. Husband says, 'she can't be, I have had a V'. Doctor says, ' Nonetheless she is having a baby'. And he left to deliver said baby.

 

She woke up from her coma briefly after the birth and was told, but then went back into a coma for two weeks. They still thought she might die. When she woke up after two weeks they told her she had given birth and she had no memory of being told the first time.

 

Can you even imagine?

Holy smokes! That sounds like a bad daytime soap opera!

[Selkie]

I know of a family who got a surprise baby 9 years after a V. And when I say surprise I mean surprise.....she didn't know she was pregnant and went into a coma and when she was in ICU she gave birth to a full term healthy baby girl. The doctors discovered she was pregnant when they xrayed her stomach because it looked extended. The XRay tech called upstairs and said 'why did you have me XRay a pregnant woman!!!' The nurses and doctors ran to check her and discovered she was in labor.

 

The poor husband was alone in the waiting room of ICU.....his family had left to get food.....the doctor came in to the waiting room and the husband was sure he was going to hear that she had died. Instead he hears, 'your wife is in labor'. Husband says, 'she can't be, I have had a V'. Doctor says, ' Nonetheless she is having a baby'. And he left to deliver said baby.

 

She woke up from her coma briefly after the birth and was told, but then went back into a coma for two weeks. They still thought she might die. When she woke up after two weeks they told her she had given birth and she had no memory of being told the first time.

 

Can you even imagine?

 

Whoa, that is incredible! What a shock! I hope she was okay and able to raise the baby.

[mytwomonkeys]

Im 46 & my husband has had a vasectomy. I’d faint.

[Scarlett]

Whoa, that is incredible! What a shock! I hope she was okay and able to raise the baby.

 

 

She fully recovered and that baby is about 18 now.  She apparently had an un diagnosed heart condition and the pregnancy put tremendous strain on her heart.  If she had been able to receive prenatal care they could have managed it.

 

The doctors kept examining the baby left, right and forward and one doctor said, 'it is by the Grace of God this baby is alive and well.'  I think he said it over and over.  :)  They named her Grace.  :)

 

The hospital placed a plaque in the ICU wing that said, 'in honor of Grace, the only baby ever delivered in this ICU.'

 

And yes the baby was the husband's.  :)  Another failed V.

[Scarlett]

I am 52.  My husband has had a V and I am post menopausal. I would laugh.  A lot.  

[Selkie]

She fully recovered and that baby is about 18 now.  She apparently had an un diagnosed heart condition and the pregnancy put tremendous strain on her heart.  If she had been able to receive prenatal care they could have managed it.

 

The doctors kept examining the baby left, right and forward and one doctor said, 'it is by the Grace of God this baby is alive and well.'  I think he said it over and over.   :)  They named her Grace.   :)

 

The hospital placed a plaque in the ICU wing that said, 'in honor of Grace, the only baby ever delivered in this ICU.'

 

And yes the baby was the husband's.   :)  Another failed V.

 

Aww, that's so cool! I'm glad everything turned out okay!

[Crimson Wife]

That would be so rough!    The worst part would be the time span between the accusation and the ability to prove innocence.  

 

The story did have a happy ending as the parents reconciled and are still together 20something years later. Took a LOT of marriage counseling to work through all the anger and trust issues it caused.

 

[lavender's green]

This might be relevant for me. :huh: Who wants to have a pregnancy test party with me next week?

 

It was an extremely funky cycle. I normally ovulate around day 12-14. I might have ovulated on day 24. I had a pretty strong mittelschmertz feeling. 12 hours after a tea party. Right when I was supposed to be nice and in the safe zone, according to the NFP protocol I've been using.

[StaceyinLA]

I'd be super excited, even though it's not remotely possible for me since I have no uterus. I am almost 50 with grown kids and grandkids and so wish I could be pregnant, give birth and breastfeed again. Alas, after 4 ectopic pregnancies post-reversal, I couldn't put myself through the emotional roller coaster anymore. :(

 

I've certainly come to grips with it all, and am so thankful for grandbabies that have helped me realized that God knew what was best for me even when I didn't, but I'd still love another little nursling.

[Julie Smith]

I would have my Dh go to the doctor to test his vasectomy.

 

I would then, depending on the results start to serious question my mental stability and try to figure out who I got pregnant by without remembering it. Also how I fit that relationship into my schedule without anyone in the family noticing because I’m almost always with my husband, my kids, or a friend or two who would notice if I was having a fling.

 

I would insist genetic testing after the birth of the baby because it would either prove the vasectomy didn’t work, or I am crazy.

[AnnE-girl]

I'd be mad at myself for not getting back into shape sooner after my almost two-year-old surprise. I make progress, and then I regress and eat tons of carbs and take way too many days off from working out. We're talking about just seeing what happens without charting sometime next year, but I really want to get healthier and make sure my bp is nice and low first. I'd prefer to be done before I'm forty (three more years), but we'll take whoever God thinks belongs in our family.

[Elizabeth86]

I know of a family who got a surprise baby 9 years after a V. And when I say surprise I mean surprise.....she didn't know she was pregnant and went into a coma and when she was in ICU she gave birth to a full term healthy baby girl. The doctors discovered she was pregnant when they xrayed her stomach because it looked extended. The XRay tech called upstairs and said 'why did you have me XRay a pregnant woman!!!' The nurses and doctors ran to check her and discovered she was in labor.

 

The poor husband was alone in the waiting room of ICU.....his family had left to get food.....the doctor came in to the waiting room and the husband was sure he was going to hear that she had died. Instead he hears, 'your wife is in labor'. Husband says, 'she can't be, I have had a V'. Doctor says, ' Nonetheless she is having a baby'. And he left to deliver said baby.

 

She woke up from her coma briefly after the birth and was told, but then went back into a coma for two weeks. They still thought she might die. When she woke up after two weeks they told her she had given birth and she had no memory of being told the first time.

 

Can you even imagine?

OMG!

[8circles]

I'd cry.

 

Then I'd go shopping for baby things.  :lol:

[Elizabeth86]

This might be relevant for me. :huh: Who wants to have a pregnancy test party with me next week?

 

It was an extremely funky cycle. I normally ovulate around day 12-14. I might have ovulated on day 24. I had a pretty strong mittelschmertz feeling. 12 hours after a tea party. Right when I was supposed to be nice and in the safe zone, according to the NFP protocol I've been using.

Yeah I got pregnant on cycle day 30 with this baby on my first cycle back since having dd. Hipe you get the results you want.

[TravelingChris]

I think I would call my Ob/gyn and ask for cancer testing since I think pregnancy hormones in someone who isn't pregnant can mean cancer.  I am post-menopausal, had an ablation and dh had a vasectomy.  I don't think it would be good news for me.  If I was pregnant, I would be very scared about the baby since I am on medications that cause birth defects.  I don't think I would end up having a baby because I think at my age (54) and with the medications I take, miscarriage would almost be a certainty.

[Crimson Wife]

This might be relevant for me. :huh: Who wants to have a pregnancy test party with me next week?

 

It was an extremely funky cycle. I normally ovulate around day 12-14. I might have ovulated on day 24. I had a pretty strong mittelschmertz feeling. 12 hours after a tea party. Right when I was supposed to be nice and in the safe zone, according to the NFP protocol I've been using.

 

I might. I had ovulation signs around days 13-14 and a slight temp shift on 15, when I saw my GYN and officially went off birth control. TeA on 16, but then fertile mucus and a big temp shift on 18. That would be late in my cycle for me to ovulate but I didn't use any home hormone tests this cycle so I don't know which day I actually did.

 

The longest cycle I've had this year has been 28 days so I figure I'll test on day 30 (Oct 19th) or if I see multiple temps >99, which have been a sign of PG for me in the past.