Sleepovers

[Elizabeth86]

Does your family do sleepovers or not. I was reading an article on why someone decided on no sleepovers for their family. This is not an issue for us right now because our kids are young. Dh and I were just talking about it.

 

Lets play nice. I want to know if YOUR family allows them or not and why or why not. My nerves are shot these days, no need to disagree and argue on this one please. Please? Lol

[catz]

We have allowed.  Several things ....

 

- My kids never had sleepovers before age 8.  Unless you count grandparents. 

- From ages 8-10 we just had a few sleepovers with trusted neighbors within a couple blocks of us

- After that, we became a little looser with restrictions but we still have a sense of all the families we've allowed sleepovers with.

- We only allow sleepovers when the next day is commitment free.

 

I did sleepovers when I was a kid.  It was fun.  I wasn't at any that were problematic.  Yes, kids were goofy and silly but there wasn't any dangerous or horrible activity going on.  So it has been no problem for us with trusted kids and families.  My oldest is almost 17 and I don't have a problem if he want to sleep at any friend's house at this point.  He'll be an adult in just over a year and could run off if he wanted.   My daughter is 13.  Recently she went to a slumber party where I knew a few kids, but not all and knew the parents but not intimately.  It was fine and she had a blast.  The watched musical theatre and had a sing a long dance party.  LOL. 

[Word Nerd]

We allow them selectively, though I’d prefer none at all outside of holiday or vacation sleepovers with cousins. They’re a hassle whether hosting or not, and they negatively affect sleep and in turn attitudes, in my experience.

[fairfarmhand]

We allow them with families that we know very well who have similar standards for internet usage and movie watching.

Like in our whole huge circle of acquaintances, there's like half a dozen that I'd allow it with.

I don't allow multiple night sleepovers. Thats a recipe for a whole week of grumpiness.

 

We don't do them often under age 10 or so.

 

If you can't do a sleepover without a grumpy day, you don't get the privilege.

 

And I do ask moms to my kids embarrassment, please can they go to bed by 12 at the latest?

And here at my house, I try to have everyone settled by 11 or so.

 

Yes, I'm a party pooper. I don't care.

 

[happypamama]

We allow them in select circumstances and with specific families.

[DesertBlossom]

We allow them only with cousins. No friend sleepovers.

[Junie]

We have allowed sleepovers at our house a few times.  And my oldest two have slept over at friends' houses a few times.  It's not something we do often.

 

We have allowed ds17 to sleep over/have friends sleep over more often than we have the girls because he has no brothers.

 

My 3 little girls who share a room have a sleepover every night of their lives.  :)

 

My kids have no cousins -- none! -- so we allow sleepovers with friends whose parents we know.  (Cousin #1 is due in January, but she is going to be much younger than my kids and will live in another state.)

 

 

 

[AK_Mom4]

With grandparents only until about age 8-9.

Occasionally ages 8-14 with just one friend.

 

After they started high school, it became a regular thing. Hang out late at a friends house and sleepover. Friends sleeping over here after a late night playing video games.

 

My teens know I’m not thrilled with them driving at night on dark icy roads, so arranging a sleepover is a good way around that.

[ealp2009]

Family such as grandparents or cousins only. No friend sleepovers before high school. Honestly, I would wonder about anyone who would want my children spending the night at their house and I have very little interest in other people's children spending the night at mine unless they are nieces or nephews.

 

 

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[OneStepAtATime]

We have had many sleepovers, throughout the years, starting when DD was maybe 7? 8?  Well, plus in family situations cousins came to sleep over from the time she was a baby.  She and DS have both had sleepovers.  We have enjoyed them.  

 

1.  I liked having sleepovers because it gave the kids the opportunity to get to know friends at a deeper level (as long as the group was pretty small).

2.  I accepted that there would be some messes and some noise and especially with elementary age kids they would need lots of supervision.

3.  I made rules of our household clear from the outset, in a positive way.

4.  As the kids got older I had to make it clear that the sleepover was not for the purpose of everyone sitting in front of their phones staring at screens.  If they were coming over to spend the night then they would do something OTHER than stare at their phones.

5.  I talked to parents directly to confirm there were no food allergies, what time they were used to going to bed, etc.

6.  I allowed the kids to stay up later than normal but not way later than normal.  I warned everyone ahead of time when we would have lights out.  

7.  I made sure that we had nothing scheduled for the next day and I confirmed with parents when the child would be picked up.  

8.  I had a few activities planned in case the kids struggled to keep themselves entertained or if they were running into some personality conflicts.

 

TBH, sometimes we knew the families well and sometimes we didn't.  I made it clear that while kids were under my roof, especially with their parent not there, that I would be parenting and kids would be expected to follow the rules of our household but I presented our rules clearly, up front, and in a positive way, with a smile.  I also continued to reinforce the rules, accepting that kids forget.  I almost never had an issue.  On the rare occasion that there was an issue, I worked hard to open up a line of communication, help the kids through the hump, etc.  Usually that worked out just fine.  I don't recall ever having to call a parent to come pick up their child for poor behavior. 

 

We've done a lot of fun things during sleepovers.  I also tend to be more flexible, though, so building giant forts that take up our entire living room, or turning the side yard into a mud pit, or spraying each other with silly string on the back porch doesn't bother me.  It drives some of my extended family members nuts so they would probably not allow those things.

 

 

Edited October 1, 2017 by OneStepAtATime

[OneStepAtATime]

Just to add, I grew up having spend the nights.  My parents were fine with spend the nights and I loved them.  It gave me and my friends a chance to spend more quality time together.  Some of my friends from upper elementary/middle school are still friends of mine even though we haven't lived in the same state for decades.  I credit spend the nights as part of the reason.  They can be a great opportunity to bond.

[rebcoola]

We allow sleepovers with a few select friends who we are close to their entire family.  

[mom2scouts]

We allow sleepovers. It's usually with the same few friends and I know the parents. Those same families are usually the ones who invite my child to their house for sleepovers. We had a birthday sleepover and there were five girls. I know three of the parents really well and the others I chat with at activities.

[kroe1]

No sleepovers, period. The reasons for our family were many:

 

1. Sleep habits not disrupted.

2. Creepy dads whom no one suspects. (I was attacked as a child, but, luckily, got away.)

3. No need to have to explain why some families were OK to sleepover and some were not.

4. No worries about teenagers sneaking off for the night, or telling me they were at one house, but, really somewhere else.

5. Allowed my kids an "out" as they were early risers anyway.

6. Did not mess up the extra-curricular activities which were always time consuming.

[Barb_]

Not really because no one sleeps well, half the time someone gets homesick and wants to go home. And in the morning I just want coffee and quiet lol. I can count on one hand the number of sleepovers we've done. We do lateovers though. Pajamas, pizza, movies, popcorn and a 10 or 11pm pickup time. Best of both worlds :)

[2squared]

We definitely do sleepovers, but we try to limit the older kid sleepovers to only girls or only boys for the same night. The kids have to be dry over night before sleepovers start (my boys are late to do this).

 

This weekend dh took my 8th grader and three of his friends on a sleepover in Minneapolis. The saw the Twins Friday night and the Gopher football game on Saturday.  Last night my 5th grader had a friend over and my 4th grader stayed at a friend's house.  More of our sleepovers happen in the summer when the kids' schedules are more flexible.

 

I don't personally enjoy sleepovers, but I see it allows my kids to have deeper friendships.  Also, it's just convenient a lot of the time with the older kids.

[Word Nerd]

Not really because no one sleeps well, half the time someone gets homesick and wants to go home. And in the morning I just want coffee and quiet lol. I can count on one hand the number of sleepovers we've done. We do lateovers though. Pajamas, pizza, movies, popcorn and a 10 or 11pm pickup time. Best of both worlds :)

DD went to a “lateover†birthday party a couple of years ago. I think it’s a good compromise.

[mytwomonkeys]

Yes. We allow sleepovers at our house with select kids. We also allow our kids to sleep out at other homes with selective families. Basically, our kids know spend-the-nights happen with families we know very well and trust very much and the friendships are ones my husband & I feel really good about. My daughter isn’t going to a slumber party because a girl at school invited her for their birthday. We just wouldn’t feel good about that. In those scenarios we let her go & just pick her up at like 9 or 10. Same applies to my son.

 

ETA- kind of off topic, but we also have secret texting code that would alert us to come pick them up— whatever the reason, we would know to go ASAP

Edited October 1, 2017 by mytwomonkeys

[Barb_]

Yes, we do/did.

 

Why ? Because they are fun for the kids. Because I don't think the odds are high that anything other than getting overtired will happen. Because I can't live a life of distrusting everyone, everywhere.

 

I prefer sending kids to hosting. Hosting is a pita.

:lol: same here.

[Guinevere]

Nope.

 

We live away from family, and we do let the kids occasionally go home with a cousin when we are in town. My kids also go to multiple overnight camps.

 

I've been thinking about this, though. My eldest is 12 now, and I feel like she needs to be hanging out with other kids more. I'm still trying to figure out how to make that happen.

[Element]

My daughter started having them when she turned 12. My son (14) has not been invited to one, nor has he asked to have anyone over. Most of the boys here don't have sleepovers. ETA: He's on an FRC team, which travels to various competitions and sometimes has to stay in a hotel with other high schoolers, so I guess maybe that counts? We do not go with him. 

Edited October 1, 2017 by Element

[Petrichor]

It hasn't really been an issue in our house. I don't think DS has been asked to a sleepover party nor has he asked to have one. 

 

He has stayed the night at a friends house once, but it was more of a convenience thing. Kids went straight to sleep, and I picked him up in the morning. 

 

I've only considered having DS's friends over for the night if it was to give the parents a hand/overnight babysitting.

 

We'll probably allow it when our kids are teens, with well-known friends only.

[lovinmyboys]

Yes, we love sleepovers here. We recently moved so it will probably be awhile before they happen again. My ds11 is flying back "home" soon and is going to spend one night with each of five friends. He gets 5 sleepovers and I don't have to host any 😉.

[bolt.]

I allow sleepovers only among friends where the whole family is reasonably close to our family -- I need to know and like the adults involved. My kids know this, so they know that if they want to work towards a sleepover level of closeness with a particular friend, they need to suggest I get to know the other parents. They haven't really had the interest to do this with school friends, so we are limited to sleepovers with friends whose parents are already my friends.

[Guest]

We allow them with families and our closest friends, where the parents and I all align in beliefs and parenting and the kids are our best friends. Otherwise no.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Does your family do sleepovers or not. I was reading an article on why someone decided on no sleepovers for their family. This is not an issue for us right now because our kids are young. Dh and I were just talking about it.

 

Lets play nice. I want to know if YOUR family allows them or not and why or why not. My nerves are shot these days, no need to disagree and argue on this one please. Please? Lol

I did as a kid and have always let my kids stay or have friends over. I see no harm.

 

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[wendy not in HI]

We don't really do sleepovers, for a few reasons. We move a lot, so we rarely know any of the families really well. It's easy to say "we don't do sleepovers, what time should I pick him up?" It's harder to say "I don't know you well and there's something odd about your older teenager." Also, I'm a kid who got into trouble at sleepovers. And I want to keep my kids from having to make those uncomfortable choices, as much as possible.

 

When our oldest was a teen, her good friend, who was a great kid, was doing the " I'll tell my mom I'm at your house, but I'll be at my boyfriends house thing". Just no!

 

As our kids have gotten older, they have vacationed with close friends. And we have had friends keep our kids if we were going out of town - we've also hosted friends at our home when their parents were out of town. But our general policy is no sleepovers. It's worked okay, but occasionally I feel bad that my kids have missed out on things.

[JustEm]

So far, oldest is almost 9, we only do sleep overs at grandparent's and our siblings' houses. We haven't even needed to consider it because they've never been invited to a sleepover. We just aren't close enough to other families like that

[Rachel]

We don't have any hard and fast rules. I'm ok with allowing them with some friends and not others. When we are friends with the whole family I think it's ok.

 

We have never had a sleepover just for the sake of a sleepover though. It's more my husband and I are both out of town and we don't have family that can watch our kids, so they get to spend the night with a friend. Another example was last week when we went to an evening football game, my friend kept our two younger kids. We sent pjs so it would be easy to transfer the kids to bed when we got home. They ended up falling asleep, so we picked them up the next morning.

 

I'm actually semi reluctant to allow cousin sleepovers. None of the cousins live near us and some family members allow things that we don't. For example unlimited access to electronics, violent video games, etc. I prefer my kids to be a little more sheltered. Now if the cousins came here, I'm fine with that.

[nixpix5]

We don't do them before 8 to 9 years old and only with friends from families that have similar parenting styles and beliefs as we do. We occasionally made exceptions for birthday sleepovers.

[J-rap]

My kids probably each had half a dozen sleepovers (at our house) during their growing up years, and probably slept over at a friend's house half a dozen times as well.  Mostly, they weren't into sleepovers and tried to get out of them!  But they'd go now and then and generally have fun.  

 

It wasn't a big deal for us either way.  Of course we were very careful about whose house they went to for sleepovers.

 

I'm not counting grandparents and aunts or uncles.  My kids loved sleepovers there and those were always great.  We have very similar parenting styles as our relatives, and our kids were always very comfortable with them.

 

 

[Sneezyone]

We've had a bunch b/c my oldest is very social. On average 3-5 during the school year, usually one night during a long weekend. Rarely are they at someone else's house tho.

 

Before age 10/11 we did big group sleepovers for birthdays and/or with fellow gymnasts. Now they're usually one on ones at our house. I HATE hosting. There's so much giggling and shrieking and running...ugh... but the kids always seem to have a great time.

 

At the moment we have virtual age twins living right across the street from us so my doorbell is getting a major workout and sleepovers aren't necessary.

[SKL]

We've done a few "friend sleepovers" with the first one being at age 9.  I would have done it younger, but our house was under construction or in need of repairs before that.

 

All of ours so far have been with one girl who is a friend from school.  I would allow other girls, but either their parents don't do them or don't trust me.  :P  Which is fine with me - I have enough to do without the fuss of sleepovers.

 

Why do I allow them?  Because why not?  As long as I can trust my kids to be decent guests / hosts and have the time to deal with other people's kids, I don't see any reason to avoid them.  I'm too busy to do them often though.

[CadenceSophia]

All our sleepovers so far have been with one family, who happen to be our kids godparents. I recently had to stop sleepovers for my oldest because he was staying up too late and having massive melt downs with half-hearted attempts at running away. I mean if it is affecting your mental health like that there is just no reason.

We will probably try again next summer. There really isn't any opportunity in the winter between the other kids' school, our skiing obligations and church. I'm pretty relieved not to have to be the bad guy for a while :)

Of course kids are welcome here, but my house with rules can't compete to being allowed to sleep unsupervised in a camper parked in the driveway :)

[wintermom]

We started sleep-overs with cousins, then included really good friends. That's all my dc are interested in. It's usually been sleep-overs with just one or two children at a time, so not a party atmosphere.  We've never had any problems.

Edited October 2, 2017 by wintermom

[Sarah CB]

We're at a point now where there are extra teen boys sleeping over nearly every weekend. We like having a home where other teens feel comfortable hanging out. 

 

My youngest stays over at his best friend's house every couple of weeks. His best friend is allergic to our cats, so he doesn't stay here as much.

 

My two oldest boys (17 and 15) don't sleep out very much, but they do occasionally. Actually, now that I think about it, I can't remember the last time my 17 year old slept somewhere else, though he does have friends in often. 

[mommyoffive]

WE do not do sleepovers.  

[EMS83]

Not yet, except grandparents.

[Farrar]

We do them. I find most of the objections to either be things I absolutely am not worried about or that I think the benefits to friendships and life in general outweigh.

 

I am, however, ready for this sleepover that's finishing at this moment in my house to be over. Like, okay, time for all the teens to go home.

[desertstrawberry5]

we have done sleepovers since age 3. It doesn't come up often, but when offered, I have no problem with it. We have only hosted once, with cousins. I want to start doing them regularly with those cousins. 

 

[TheReader]

We allow them, either having kids sleepover here, or our kids sleeping over at someone else's house, based on the comfort level of each kid & family involved. 

 

Our kids haven't actually slept over at other people's houses very often, but that's been due more to us moving a lot than anything else, and our particular kids not actually liking the idea that much. 

 

When they've been invited to do so, though, they've mostly accepted and we've let them if they wanted to, and we're more than willing to have others sleep over here. 

[fraidycat]

We allow sleepovers.

[marbel]

We have allowed them with close friends.  Generally they happen when there's not much going on the next day.  I don't worry much about an occasional late night / poor sleep which seems to be one of the major objections.  

 

I do hate hosting, simply because our house is small and the floor plan is not conducive to it.  I hate thinking of breakfast food for guests.  :-)

 

When I was a teen, I had a slightly uncomfortable experience at a friend's house.  Her older (young adult at the time) brother came home with a friend (or two?) late in the night while we were sleeping on the living room floor.  They stood over us and talked, thinking we were both asleep - but I wasn't.  I don't have a particular impression or memory of what they said but the experience made me feel weird.  But in retrospect that family... not good... the friend and I had a bad 'breakup' sometime later, not related to the brother but rather to an incident she caused.   

[HS Mom in NC]

Yes, with a select few.

[Mom22ns]

I never had rules about sleep-overs, but my kids never wanted to sleep at other people's houses. Dd had a few, and as she got older, 10+, had some friends who regularly spent the night with us. As a teen she had a few friends she spent the night with, one I'm pretty sure was just a front (although her parents were strict and conservative the child was trouble!). By the time dd wanted to spend the night elsewhere I trusted her feelings about where she wanted to be and she always took a cell phone so she could call if she wanted to leave. That only happened once, but it did happen. She thought the family dynamic was weird and she wanted out.

[Guinevere]

We're at a point now where there are extra teen boys sleeping over nearly every weekend. We like having a home where other teens feel comfortable hanging out.

 

How do you make your home feel comfortable? I've always wanted to be like that, but have found that I actually get pretty stressed. Maybe it's different with older kids?

[Sneezyone]

How do you make your home feel comfortable? I've always wanted to be like that, but have found that I actually get pretty stressed. Maybe it's different with older kids?

 

Not Sarah but I'm not convinced it's exclusively parent-driven. I don't do anything other than exist as a welcoming presence, maintain a 48-hrs notice policy, and keep 'good food' on hand. DD also knows that, as long as we don't have other plans, friends are welcome to stay over so she's much more free with invitations than other kids might be. DD is also a bit like the pied piper and manages to collect and bring over friends wherever we are. As much as I hate the noise and chaos these events bring with them, I also love being able to keep my eyes (and ears) on DD and her friends.

[Elizabeth86]

How do you make your home feel comfortable? I've always wanted to be like that, but have found that I actually get pretty stressed. Maybe it's different with older kids?

I couldnt imagine. I am always stressed when outsiders are in my house. Im so super private. I didnt go to sleepovers much just a few and I had afew growing up, but was always homesick. I never had them as a teen because I had already begun my private introverted way and didnt like others in my space.