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"No child of mine will ever...!"


Farrar
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Is there anything funnier than the parent of a toddler looking at a teenager and saying this? I swear, I'm still laughing on the inside that sil said this about ds's hair (he dyed a small tuft of it blue). Like, girl, you have some battles ahead of you. Of course, you can't say that. They just have to figure it out on their own. I mean, while I wouldn't have said that about hair at that age, I know there are things I did think it about that I've been so wrong about.

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When my oldest son turned five, I gave him a Game Boy. I remember him sitting on the couch at my MIL's, playing with his new game when SIL who did not yet have kids said, "MY kids are never going to have those things." I just said something like, "you may change your mind about that." Now, she has four boys and they have every tech gadget you can think of and iPhones and Chrome tablets and you-name-it.

 

At least she gave a sporting chuckle when I recently reminded her about what she had said when my kid was young.

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It's even more comical when those types of comments come from people who don't even have kids. It's easy to be a perfect parent of imaginary children—whether they don't exist at all or are simply imaginary future versions of real kids.

Yes, I was a brilliant parent before I had kids! I don't know why everybody didn't just listen to my perfectly sensible advice! 😄

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Yes. There are often times I'm so thankful for my second child.

 

I could say lots of things about my first, that held true. Even now. However, my second dd? Nope, she broke nearly everyone. I'm so thankful for her. Without her, I was the "perfect" parent (and would gladly sit in judgement on other parents that were clearly doing it "wrong"). Then she came along.... And I needed to eat lots of crow. She's a great kid-but so very different than her siblings.

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When my oldest son turned five, I gave him a Game Boy. I remember him sitting on the couch at my MIL's, playing with his new game when SIL who did not yet have kids said, "MY kids are never going to have those things." I just said something like, "you may change your mind about that." Now, she has four boys and they have every tech gadget you can think of and iPhones and Chrome tablets and you-name-it.

 

Well, I bet he doesn't have an old-school game boy, though.

 

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The one I see all the time around here is that they will not allow dating before college. I know one woman who plans to not allow dating until after college.

 

I know plenty of parents on this board do manage to stick to the "no high school dating" rule but IRL I know more people who swore that when their child was young but ended up allowing it to some degree in high school. Or they did not allow it but it didn't stop their teens :)

 

You gotta pick your battles for sure!

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:lol:

 

Oh, yeah, imaginary kids are soooooo much easier to parent.  That's why I say the best possible option would be for all future parents to have a personal holodeck they can access.  Inside that holodeck is their future family.  They can go inside and "pretend" parent their future family and no time passes while in the holodeck.  It is just getting experience.  Then when they really have kids it won't be such a slap in the face to all their "perfect parenting plans".   :laugh:

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Yes. There are often times I'm so thankful for my second child.

 

I could say lots of things about my first, that held true. Even now. However, my second dd? Nope, she broke nearly everyone. I'm so thankful for her. Without her, I was the "perfect" parent (and would gladly sit in judgement on other parents that were clearly doing it "wrong"). Then she came along.... And I needed to eat lots of crow. She's a great kid-but so very different than her siblings.

This is my situation. So many things I was so sure of with my first. I was such an awesome parent (you know, at the wise old age of 23).

 

I really am sorry to anyone who knew me back then and I was all judgy. I remember telling someone that they shouldn't take toys, books, snacks, to church for their toddler. I told them "My ds knows it is not playtime. We set the expectation and he meets it." I paid for that one as my subsequent children could not sit through mass until they were very old. My nine yo still has bad days.

 

I think I also told people that all children can be potty trained by age 2. If not, it was a parent issue.

 

I am so humiliated when I think about these things. I was in a moms group with many older moms and they must have hated me. It was almost 20 years ago know and I so embarassed when I think about it.

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I mean, some of our boundary lines we are bound to stick to, it's just funny to me, the whole, "no child of mine!" Same sil and my brother explained to me how they would never let their kid sleep in the bed with them. Never. Never, never. They will have him trained better than that.

 

Well, except when he's sick.

Or teething.

Or traveling.

Or fussy for no reason.

 

I mean... really. Never though. So, like, on average once or twice a week. That's all though! They have him trained better than that, after all.

 

I say this all mostly with affection. They're really wonderful parents who love their kid to death and are doing a great job. I'm still around a lot of babies but rarely new parents anymore. I think I had forgotten how expert they often are about all children. (And I'm sure I was too!)

Edited by Farrar
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Mine was "my boys are not going to have toy guns and weapons." By 3yo DS#1 was turning sticks into swords and guns, but the topper was when DS#2 was about 3yo, he turned the child-friendly stuffed fabric figurines from the Christmas nativity scene into an "arrow shooter" (his words), with baby Jesus as the arrow.  :eek:  :laugh:

 

After that, we had loads of water guns, graduating to air soft pistols and rifles, and DSs now own hand guns. sigh. I'm never going to be a fan of guns, but at least DH and DSs are safe about their weapons.

 

 

The other one was biting. Famously, smugly, before children, I "knew" that biters were the fault of poor parenting. Until I had a biter. Whose biting was not out of maliciousness or pre-meditated.  :blushing:   :blushing:   :blushing: He had a delayed developed nervous system, and would probably have tested on the low end of the spectrum. His biting came out of a build up of emotion or stress and not knowing how to release it properly, he would suddenly "snap" and either bite or flail with fists. Yikes. That was not a fun toddlerhood and we didn't go much of anywhere for about 2 years until we got that one figured out and dealt with. Just in case you wanted to know, he's a super adult, now! :)

Edited by Lori D.
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My older kids think my youngest two get away with a lot more. I remind them that they are exposed to a lot more culture references and behaviors thanks to having five siblings in their teens and twenties. I found it a lot easier to control the environment when my older kids were small. That and we've been through a traumatic experiences and things I thought would matter when raising kids often didn't while other things I would have considered neutral or even positive indirectly set up the path to trauma.

 

Parenting can be such a crapshoot

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I am so with you on this. It is hilarious. Usually those are the parents who either lighten up and roll with the teen years or they fall into denial as their precious cherub cheeks does it all behind her back in a sneaky way. I definitely prefer to keep a poker face and let my kids tell me anything. Atleast I know how their brain is thinking and I can gently have discussions.

 

Blue hair...eeesh...that is small potatoes. She better watch out. My oldest wanted to dye the tips of his hair blue when he was 6 yo. He REALLY wanted it and I couldn't come up with a reason not to besides "people will have weird thoughts about me as a mom" haha! This was in 99' so a bit less common then now. I decided to let him go for it and my mom took him to a hairdresser to get it done. When he sees the school pic from that year he shakes his head with a smile and goes "I can't believe you let me do that, I will never let my kid do that" which, is hilarious considering your post ;)

Edited by nixpix5
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My older kids think my youngest two get away with a lot more. I remind them that they are exposed to a lot more culture references and behaviors thanks to having five siblings in their teens and twenties. I found it a lot easier to control the environment when my older kids were small.

When my oldest was four, we were at the playground on our street and another little boy (about 5) started playing with him. With super weapon moves and mega invisible Zombie Blasters.

 

I was horrified, because my son hadn't even seen superhero shows at that point. So violent! What were these parents thinking?!

 

Now my current 4yo, who has two older brothers? Lego creations in his room for stuff like Super Deadly Poop Rockets, fueled by Ninja Farts (that's an actual book, too, ugh) and Exploding Zombie Butts. And he knows all the superheroes, and all about different weapons. And has his own Dungeons and Dragons character when they play RPGs with dad, for which he begged to have dual-wielding blades.

 

Le sigh.

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Although, OTOH, I did really hate it a lot when experienced parents would warn me to "Just wait!" anytime I expressed fondness for something my kids did. One of my SIL's (with older kids) was constantly "warning" me about the coming end of delight in my children. It never came. I still think my kids are pretty neat people at 20, 17 and 12.

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I am so humiliated when I think about these things. I was in a moms group with many older moms and they must have hated me. It was almost 20 years ago know and I so embarrassed when I think about it.

 

 

They may have hated you saying those things, but more because it reminded them of their own judgmental period 20 years earlier when they only had one or no children. I'm sure they didn't hate you.

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The one I see all the time around here is that they will not allow dating before college. I know one woman who plans to not allow dating until after college.

 

I know plenty of parents on this board do manage to stick to the "no high school dating" rule but IRL I know more people who swore that when their child was young but ended up allowing it to some degree in high school. Or they did not allow it but it didn't stop their teens :)

 

You gotta pick your battles for sure!

Yep I love that one. If I had a dollar for every teen in the schools I worked at who's parents didn't know they were dating...lol. I even had a parent sit in my office asking if I could support her in keeping her daughter separated from another girl who was a "bad influence" because she wanted her daughter to focus on studying and not boys. The "bad influence" was a great student and did not have a boyfriend. The other girl was making out with boys around the side of the school building and wouldn't focus on work to save her life. So yeah...this one definitely makes me laugh.

 

I should add that my mom was one of the "no daughter of mine" parents and I was pregnant as a teen. Worked well for her.

Edited by nixpix5
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I had a lot of people "warn" me about teenagers and how the relationship with my daughter would fall apart.  Nope, she's 23 and we're still very close.

 

Dh was big on "my kids won't ever...." before the younger two were born.  Lots of stuff I did with oldest, was never going to happen with HIS kids.  

 

Never sleep in our bed.....then ds was the worst sleeping baby ever.  It was let him sleep with us so I could nurse easily or never get any rest.  I think it took 6 weeks for him to give in on that one.

 

Will always eat what's on their plate.....then ds who has sensory issues and would chose starve over eating something he didn't want

 

Those were the two biggies.  We're both pretty laid back now, which hopefully will keep the teen years from being too bad.

 

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Hey it even varies from child to child. First child ate sugar and junk food almost never. Almost no screen time until she was four or So. We know that the third child prefers to lick the icing from his Oreos and also enjoys certain tv shows. I'm a tired mama.

So true. That why the stereotype of perfect firstborn, spoiled baby. By the time we get to the last kid, we realize that the world won't end if they have Froot Loops for breakfast once in a while.

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Yes. There are often times I'm so thankful for my second child.

 

I could say lots of things about my first, that held true. Even now. However, my second dd? Nope, she broke nearly everyone. I'm so thankful for her. Without her, I was the "perfect" parent (and would gladly sit in judgement on other parents that were clearly doing it "wrong"). Then she came along.... And I needed to eat lots of crow. She's a great kid-but so very different than her siblings.

 

I fondly call child #2 my lesson in humility. Because boy, did I need it!

 

He's still my most challenging, though a great kid. But he has taught me more about parenting, myself, and life in general than the other two put together.

 

And I have empathy in spades now--for other mamas with a melting down 5-year-old who "should" be past the tantrum stage, but isn't. I totally get it now--nothing like BTDT!

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I've been quietly amused at the differences as my mom went from parenting me to my youngest sibling (a full generation younger).

 

I got soda about once a year as a young kid (and not at home). YS got it in the sippy cup. I was sent outside to play every day in the summer. YS watched TV at Grandma's house. And so on.

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Oh I remember one time where I declared that my darling children would never wear clothing with cartoon characters or logos on them.

 

My mother rightly raised an eyebrow at me for saying it, because at the time I was wearing a sweatshirt... with a character on it. Oops.

 

FWIW, my kids' shirts ended up as a Venn diagram with Lego in one circle, Star Wars in the other, and a spacious overlap for Lego Star Wars attire.

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The one I see all the time around here is that they will not allow dating before college. I know one woman who plans to not allow dating until after college.

 

I know plenty of parents on this board do manage to stick to the "no high school dating" rule but IRL I know more people who swore that when their child was young but ended up allowing it to some degree in high school. Or they did not allow it but it didn't stop their teens :)

 

You gotta pick your battles for sure!

Yes, I see this one. "He won't date in high school." But he is going to a dance with a girl. But they're just friends. So it's not dating. And they're going with a group. So it's not dating. And they are going to a movie next weekend. But just as friends. So it's not dating. And they both have photos of the two of them looking quite affectionate with each other on their social media profiles. But they're not dating. I SAID THEY'RE NOT DATING.

 

You can keep saying it but....

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My DH insisted that our children wouldn't watch any TV/movies/screens until they could read well. I think he said this because he hates to read and wanted his kids to be readers. Well, we survived on PBS long before they could read at all. (We watch less now.)The two oldest read a ton and the next two work really hard at it even though it's not as easy for them. DH watches tons of TV and videos and still hates to read.

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Yes, I see this one. "He won't date in high school." But he is going to a dance with a girl. But they're just friends. So it's not dating. And they're going with a group. So it's not dating. And they are going to a movie next weekend. But just as friends. So it's not dating. And they both have photos of the two of them looking quite affectionate with each other on their social media profiles. But they're not dating. I SAID THEY'RE NOT DATING.

 

You can keep saying it but....

Exactly! I've also gotten "my daughters don't text boys". Yeah...well my ds had his phone on my nightstand last night and your someone was texting him from your dd's number.

 

Ok...that is off topic from the OP. Sorry. Carry on!

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Although, OTOH, I did really hate it a lot when experienced parents would warn me to "Just wait!" anytime I expressed fondness for something my kids did. One of my SIL's (with older kids) was constantly "warning" me about the coming end of delight in my children. It never came. I still think my kids are pretty neat people at 20, 17 and 12.

 

Yeah, that bugged me too. Like, a number of the things people told me would be struggles just haven't been at all. My kids are no angels, but they're also oddly compliant. They're pleasers and rule followers, so all those warnings were really for naught. Instead, I got to worry about why they were so keen to please everyone else. Have your own opinions! It's okay to question the rules sometimes! Stop caring so much what I want and disagree with me! Sigh. There's really no winning in parenting sometimes.

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I was never one to say, “my kids would neverâ€.

 

But what I hated was people telling me, “Just you waitâ€. I had taken care of kids for years before having my own. I ‘ew what kids where like.

 

Or people who don’t believe you. my boys are vegetarian. They have never eaten meat. But my aunt is sure that they eat meat when I’m not around. When she brought up the topic once and had myself, my husband, my parents, ... ensure her that my boys have zero interest in eating meat. She said she was sure that they sneak it when no one is looking. For them is isn’t really even thought of as something edible.

 

I do think, as my kids get older that, “my boy will likely never ...†but that is based on knowing them their whole lives. Even then I add a likely because who knows what the future holds.

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Before I had kids I was a nanny. I thought I was an expert on children. Then I had children, lol. So all of the things I was certain my children would never ever do... Ive eaten a lot of humble pie over the years to say the least 😊

 

Yeah, I taught in a very small school so I thought I knew what homeschooling would be like. Hahahaha, past me. 

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I was never one to say, “my kids never ".

I never said that either. But I have said that I don't think some things are the best. And I haven't changed on that. That doesn't mean that we only do the "best" by the way. But I can think that eating sugary cereals isn't the best. And while my kids were young they didn't have any. Right now my Dd is eating some Lucky Charms because I don't police teens and their health habits like I do young children. (My young children had other treats instead of sugary cereal. ). My opinions tend to be based on professional advice to some extent (most doctors say that you should avoid or at least limit sugary cereals. ) but I don't make a moral case for these things and I realize that there is some degree of arbitrariness in which advice we take and which we ignore. Edited by Jean in Newcastle
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It can come from the other end, too.   I have had elderly ladies tell me about how when they were young mums they would never xyz.  And, then I'd think about their adult children, and it was no surprise to me why their adult children never come around to visit.  

 

Thanks, but I'll take a pass on that advice. 

Edited by Audrey
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I never said that either. But I have said that I don't think some things are the best. And I haven't changed on that. That doesn't mean that we only do the "best" by the way. But I can think that eating sugary cereals isn't the best. And while my kids were young they didn't have any. Right now my Dd is eating some Lucky Charms because I don't police teens and their health habits like I do young children. (My young children had other treats instead of sugary cereal. ). My opinions tend to be based on professional advice to some extent (most doctors say that you should avoid or at least limit sugary cereals. ) but I don't make a moral case for these things and I realize that there is some degree of arbitrariness in which advice we take and which we ignore.

 

Jean, I was about to warn you about the Lucky Charms, but I decided to google first.  ;)

 

I had no idea that Lucky Charms were now gluten free.  I'm allergic to oats, so I still can't eat them, but I just learned that the Chocolate Lucky Charms are made with rice instead of oats.

 

I might get to eat LC marshmallows for the first time in 10+ years. :party:  Unfortunately I will have to go to the store first.

 

 

Sorry for the tangent.  But, Marshmallows!!

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Jean, I was about to warn you about the Lucky Charms, but I decided to google first. ;)

 

I had no idea that Lucky Charms were now gluten free. I'm allergic to oats, so I still can't eat them, but I just learned that the Chocolate Lucky Charms are made with rice instead of oats.

 

I might get to eat LC marshmallows for the first time in 10+ years. :party: Unfortunately I will have to go to the store first.

 

 

Sorry for the tangent. But, Marshmallows!!

Yeah- that's why I allow them. Because they are a legitimate treat for my celiac girl. ;). We have a lot of no-nos that are non-negotiable. I like it when I can say yes on occasion. Edited by Jean in Newcastle
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My kids do.....

 

Good for them! I'm not being sarcastic, I'm actually excited to read that!

 

She said she was sure that they sneak it when no one is looking. For them is isn’t really even thought of as something edible.

 

Yo, if your kids are sneaking meat instead of candy or chips or drugs, you're definitely doing something right.

 

Edit: That sounds snotty. I mean to say that I have the whole list in my head of "things kids might feel the need to sneak" and "real foods" isn't even on it. Like, for serious.

Edited by Tanaqui
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It can come from the other end, too. I have had elderly ladies tell me about how when they were young mums they would never xyz. And, then I'd think about their adult children, and it was no surprise to me why their adult children never come around to visit.

 

Thanks, but I'll take a pass on that advice.

Yes! I have a person in my life who has said this so often over naps and sleeping. I have a son who didn't nap well ever, and never slept well at night.

 

So I asked her point blank once if she would have just beat her daughter if she didn't nap. Cause that is what it would have required at my house or rope...... She stopped mentioning it after that.

 

Yeah he still doesn't sleep all night just finally old enough to not always bother me.

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Oh I remember one time where I declared that my darling children would never wear clothing with cartoon characters or logos on them.

 

My mother rightly raised an eyebrow at me for saying it, because at the time I was wearing a sweatshirt... with a character on it. Oops.

 

FWIW, my kids' shirts ended up as a Venn diagram with Lego in one circle, Star Wars in the other, and a spacious overlap for Lego Star Wars attire.

Yeah we started with that same thought, and did well for about 4 years. I hate character shirts I see it as advertising you pay for!

 

But then we got a bunch of hand-me-downs with all the superheros and now that is all my son wants. So we just went to the bazaar to get clothes and he picked out so much spiderman and batman....

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