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anyone hate kid activities outside the home


Elizabeth86
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Ugh we are doing soccer right now and it is such a drain. Ds isnt enjoying himself either. It just feels like such a chore for us all. Messes up our dinner time and so on. I have always been an introvert and as a kid I only ever did a few extracurricular activities. I craved my down time at home.

 

I guess more of a vent and wondering who else was in the same boat?

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I actually loved when my kids were doing soccer.

 

I used to take a nice walk around the soccer field while they were practicing.  Nice for all of us to be getting exercise and fresh Autumn (or Spring) air.  :)

 

I've had to be relaxed about supper time since my kids were school-age.  It's just easier that way.

 

But if your son isn't liking the experience, feel free to finish out the season and move on.  Maybe try some individual sports?  Or just go hiking together....

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I actually loved when my kids were doing soccer.

 

I used to take a nice walk around the soccer field while they were practicing. Nice for all of us to be getting exercise and fresh Autumn (or Spring) air. :)

 

I've had to be relaxed about supper time since my kids were school-age. It's just easier that way.

 

But if your son isn't liking the experience, feel free to finish out the season and move on. Maybe try some individual sports? Or just go hiking together....

He is so odd. We ask him if he likes soccer, he says no. We ask him if he has intentions of tball or soccer in the spring and he says yes. Hiking together appeals to me so much more. I mean I would enjoy his games if he enjoyed himself, but I can watch him pick his nose at home. This what he ends up doing. Edited by Elizabeth86
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At first I was disappointed that it didn't work out to do martial arts this year, but then I soon became relieved. It was twice a week and while ds said he liked he he never was like, "whoo! I'm going to martial arts!" or "I had a great time!" or anything lol. We just did it for a trial over part of the summer.

 

I'm drained just from taking them to other places. So I guess I'm ok with no sports at the moment. 4H shouldn't be a huge commitment when that gets going.

 

I think I'm an introvert as well.

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I was like that for little kid stuff. Now I have teens with insane schedules- multiple things out of the house daily, dance every night, etc. I was saving my energy for these years, lol.

 

But my 4 yr old did just start part time preschool and soccer and gymnastics and is loving having stuff to go to (after just getting dragged around to stuff for the teens the last few years), soi guess I we'll be doing organized activties for her too.

 

My teens didn't like stuff like that when they were little. They're making up for it now.

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Ugh we are doing soccer right now and it is such a drain. Ds isnt enjoying himself either. It just feels like such a chore for us all. Messes up our dinner time and so on. I have always been an introvert and as a kid I only ever did a few extracurricular activities. I craved my down time at home.

I guess more of a vent and wondering who else was in the same boat?

If your ds isn't enjoying soccer, why don't you let him quit? It sounds like it would be the best decision for the whole family.

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I have three kids in three different sports this season, plus park days, music lessons, library programs, and a few other events.

 

I don't mind the running around that much, but I'm secretly very, very happy when we are the only ones that show up. I know they need to have time with other kids but... I'm really not a fan of other people's kids. It's very draining for me, even when I don't have to interact with them.

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I have three kids in three different sports this season, plus park days, music lessons, library programs, and a few other events.

 

I don't mind the running around that much, but I'm secretly very, very happy when we are the only ones that show up. I know they need to have time with other kids but... I'm really not a fan of other people's kids. It's very draining for me, even when I don't have to interact with them.

Im not a fan of other people kids and mykids arent fans of other kids either lol.

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I don't love the out of the home stuff either, but I find grouping it on one or two days and keeping it to a consistent time block (like all day Wednesday is running around or Friday afternoons and Saturday afternoons is dance) helped me not to so nuts. But generally, we are homebodies. So I have to really strategize to make it work without burning me out or messing with the whole family's schedule.

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Im not a fan of other people kids and mykids arent fans of other kids either lol.

Haha! I have tried to take each of them to toddler story time when they were really little, but the whole time they just looked at the other kids like they were mind-controlled sheep when doing the songs with hand motions. They love the librarian though.

 

At least I know I got the right kids home from the hospital. I asked DH when he had his first real friend and he said, "Junior year of high school. You graduated and left for college and told me to find a friend. I found one. That was enough."

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How old is your ds? What kind of soccer are we talking about? The answers to those two questions would determine what action I would take. If we're talking younger than 1st grade, depending on the program, standing around picking their nose sounds about right.

 

I have three kids in club soccer. All three travel for games. We have practices three days a week and at least one gamea weekend, but sometimes two or more. Last weekend, my girls had a Girl Scout banquet whole my son had a soccer tournament. I drove and hour and a half round trip for the Girl Scout banquet while someone else took my son to his first game. I was then home for fifteen minutes before driving another hour and a half round trip for the second game. And then there was a third game on Sunday.

 

This weekend the girls have a tournament that's an hour round trip. Three games. Then there's the hour and a half dd spends at the library for coding club once a week and the 60 minute round trip for science class at the nature center. I spend what feels like half my life driving the kids somewhere or waiting around for them. No, I do not enjoy it, but they do. So I keep doing it.

 

We never eat dinner before 7:30.

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:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

What is even worse is when it's not just some leisure activity like soccer but a therapy that your child could really use. I got an email today from a university Occupational Therapy clinic offering my special needs child a slot for a semester's worth of OT that would be free aside from the cost of gas (and probably parking but I'm not sure about that). The catch is that I would need to reschedule her speech therapy since there's a conflict. The "bad mom" in me is hoping the speech therapist will say her schedule is full and we can't switch time slots.

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I enjoy kung-fu but it has pretty good hours and rarely gets in the way of dinner. Even if it messes dinner up I don't mind too much because dh works there so if I need to feed the kids I can easily bring dinner and feed them in the office area. I didn't mind dance because it was once a week and close to my parents' house so we got to spend some time with them before hand.

 

I have avoided team sports because I don't want to commit to practice on the week nights and games on the weekends. I enjoy my weekends free from sports stuff

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I don't mind out of the house stuff.

I DO mind evening stuff. Evening time is family/wind down time here and we guard it pretty closely. Same with weekends.

We did 2 terms of archery once, but dh did the chauffeuring. We did orchestra for a year and it was hard.

 

I know that evening activities are normal, we just try hard not to do them.

Edited by LMD
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I hated outside the house activities when only 1 child did the activity, but I had to truck around toddlers and a baby. It wasn't the activity at all that was draining, it was having to look after my littles in an environment that usually wasn't so easy.

 

Now that they are older, and I can often enroll more than one child into an activity, I love it. It's a chance for me to get out and see friends at the activity, or shop, or walk/run while my dc are busy with something else. I don't care if it's daytime or evening, though evening in the cold, dark winter can be nasty.

 

If one of the dc dislike the activity, we finish out the program, but I don't sign up that child again. I can't afford the money, time or energy to take a child to something they complain about and don't want to do. 

Edited by wintermom
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Why does your dh get to make this decision? Shouldn't your opinion matter just as much as his does? And what about your ds's feelings? Don't they matter?

I suppose, but dh wasnt ever allowed to quit things and so he thinks that make a strong person. Sticking something out even when it sucks.

 

I guess I dont get a sat because he feels so strong about it. Also I quit things as soon as I feel I dont wanna anymore and he thinks thiswont get our kids very far in life.

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My boys play rec baseball, do summer swim team, and year round swim.  We did soccer before baseball.  DH and I have a policy that the boys have to finish what they start.  It cost money to sign them up and, if they quit, the team loses 2 players (they are twins).  I don't think that's fair to the team.  I hate it, but they love it so off we go.  Right now swim and baseball overlap.  The thought of November through March being only swim is getting me through :-).  My introverted self can hole up in the house during the cold weather and get stuff done.  They love it though.  I would not make them do a sport they didn't want to do.  How miserable for everyone.  We have a kid on our baseball team that DOES NOT WANT TO BE THERE.  He is ticked off that his parents are making him play when he wants to play football.  Making it not much for the coaches and the kids.  And...me too since I'm team mom -- LOL!

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I suppose, but dh wasnt ever allowed to quit things and so he thinks that make a strong person. Sticking something out even when it sucks.

 

I guess I dont get a sat because he feels so strong about it. Also I quit things as soon as I feel I dont wanna anymore and he thinks thiswont get our kids very far in life.

I disagree with your dh, although I know a lot of people feel the same way he does.

 

I have always felt like my child's happiness was too important to force him into continuing activities he didn't enjoy. If I felt like he gave something a try and then decided he didn't like it, I had no problem with letting him quit.

 

I sometimes wonder if never allowing a kid to quit might eventually lead to the kid not wanting to try new things for fear he will hate them but not be allowed to quit.

 

Also, it doesn't really matter how strongly your dh feels about this -- you are your son's parent, too, so your opinion is worth just as much as your dh's, and I also believe that your son's feelings are very important.

Edited by Catwoman
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I really dislike drive-wait-drive-wait... Especiallt since since you asked on Thursday, which involves drop DD off at the CC, go home, drive back, pick her up, drive to chem class/lab, wait, drive to tumbling, wait, drive home. About 3 hours of driving and 3 hours of waiting in a 10 hour time period (and if I didn't go home, it would be 2 1/2 hours of driving, 7 1/2 hours of waiting.)

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I have to be strategic about activities. It's a health issue. But having an extrovert means we do things.

 

We try to group activities onto specific days, and we aim for weekend activities when possible because DH can take over if necessary. DH takes DS to most weeknight activities - by 8 pm, I'm fried crispy, so I stay home with the little and do the bed time routine, then a bubble bath. :)

 

Afternoon activities - those I don't mind.

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I'm right there with you. Now that my kids are a touch older we try to limit activities to one day per week. We found a dad organized cross country team which is perfect. Practice is on your own except one day a week. You choose which meets, it's very low key. I found a piano teacher that comes to our home, it's perfect.

 

I'm an introverted homebody with at least one maybe two introverts and one child that might be an extrovert but not strongly so.

Edited by Rach
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I sometimes wonder if never allowing a kid to quit might eventually lead to the kid not wanting to try new things for fear he will hate them but not be allowed to quit.

 

 

Which is better than them repeatedly letting teams down because they joined just to dip their toe in the water.

 

I face this with one of my daughters sometimes.  If she joins up for a season, she doesn't get to quit just because it wasn't as fun as she envisioned.  (If there were a more serious problem then maybe.)  I tell her it's not fair to the team or the coach.  If she doesn't like this kind of thing, she should not sign up next time.

 

She signed up again for volleyball, after initially saying she didn't want to.  Well, same thing over again.  Stick it out.  It isn't forever, it's just a short season.

 

Normally the kids have had some experience with an activity before making a team commitment.

 

They need to learn how to choose commitments.  How, and when, to say no as well as yes.

Edited by SKL
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I hate it enough that a few years ago I catagorically decided I can't do it anymore. I feel a little bad my last two kids won't have the same sorts of experiences (although, we did do a whole summer of really cool camps one year). But I finally came to the realization that the benefits they gained wasn't worth the self-sacrifice. Because that's how it felt. A little part of myself died every time I had to attend a soccer game. I do plenty of other things for my kids. I gave myself permission to quit.

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He is so odd. We ask him if he likes soccer, he says no. We ask him if he has intentions of tball or soccer in the spring and he says yes. Hiking together appeals to me so much more. I mean I would enjoy his games if he enjoyed himself, but I can watch him pick his nose at home. This what he ends up doing.

:lol: I hear you. How long until the season ends? Was this your son's idea? If it was then I side with your husband on sticking it out. But no t-ball or other team thing. It's easier to quit an individual activity like gymnastics. It's usually only six week sign ups and you don't have a team counting on the numbers

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We are having a great fall full of activities, but I have been super picky about the timing.  All activities have to fit into either the slot between school and lunch or the slot between naps/rest time and dinner.  I am willing to shift lunch or dinner by 30 minutes, but that is the extent of my flexibility.

 

So Monday, the 3 younger kids have speech therapy at 11 and we go swimming at the YMCA after rest time.

Tuesday all the boys have a "ninja" class at 10:30, and the two older boys have a social thinking class at 4pm.

Wednesday all the boys have a Spanish Immersion class from 10:30 to noon.

Thursday all the boys do Trampoline and Tumbling at 4pm.

And Friday the two older boys take an art class at 10am and then the kids all play at the YMCA kid zone after rest time while I just sit and breathe.

 

Wendy

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:lol: I hear you. How long until the season ends? Was this your son's idea? If it was then I side with your husband on sticking it out. But no t-ball or other team thing. It's easier to quit an individual activity like gymnastics. It's usually only six week sign ups and you don't have a team counting on the numbers

Yes it was his idea. It ends at the end of oct.

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On a bright note, Itold dh no sports for the spring. I would be hugely pregnant at the beginning and then have a tiny baby and the spring season is freezing at first and way too hot at the end. I cannot do this a newborn and a 2 yr old. Dh cannot make all games. He agrees. I feel free lol.

I'm glad to hear your dh is being reasonable and considerate about the Spring sports! :hurray:

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I suppose, but dh wasnt ever allowed to quit things and so he thinks that make a strong person. Sticking something out even when it sucks.

 

I guess I dont get a sat because he feels so strong about it. Also I quit things as soon as I feel I dont wanna anymore and he thinks thiswont get our kids very far in life.

So your husband thinks you didn't get far in life?

 

If it is that important to him then he should take him.

 

Sent from my SM-G903W using Tapatalk

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So your husband thinks you didn't get far in life?

 

If it is that important to him then he should take him.

 

Sent from my SM-G903W using Tapatalk

I have quit just about anything I felt was too hard. He is not wrong. I get in over my head and I bail out.

 

He cannot always take him.

Edited by Elizabeth86
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I have quit just about anything I felt was too hard. He is not wrong. I get in over my head and I bail out.

 

He cannot always take him.

On one hand, it's not bad to realize your limits and end something that was a bad idea--especially something with no clear end. But in a situation where the end is defined, you just have to stick it out...I agree that it's better to follow through with commitments.

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I tend to believe like your DH. I have my children give me a thoughtful reason why they want to try something new. I want them to think about what it is they are hoping to gain (a new skill, friends, trying it because it looks fun etc) and then, once they decide they do want to try it, we form a commitment. If it is a sport it is for the season. If it is something year round I tend to have them commit for the semester at least. My daughter recently joined AHG and I told her it was a year commitment. Often the hard feeling is discomfort. It is having it be harder than expected, not being good at it right away, feeling awkward and so forth. Learning that you can push past those feelings and come through it is powerful. That is grit and perseverance training at its finest.

 

After my daughter's first AHG meeting I asked her how she felt about it and she said "it was awkward, I felt a bit shy and all the girls knew each other but it seems fun and I know I will fit in eventually" I felt proud of her because it takes alot to know that at 7 years old.

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I disagree with your dh, although I know a lot of people feel the same way he does.

 

I have always felt like my child's happiness was too important to force him into continuing activities he didn't enjoy. If I felt like he gave something a try and then decided he didn't like it, I had no problem with letting him quit.

 

I sometimes wonder if never allowing a kid to quit might eventually lead to the kid not wanting to try new things for fear he will hate them but not be allowed to quit.

 

Also, it doesn't really matter how strongly your dh feels about this -- you are your son's parent, too, so your opinion is worth just as much as your dh's, and I also believe that your son's feelings are very important.

 

Ultimately, I think you have to know your own kids though.  I always told my kids if they wanted to try something we'd give in 6-8 weeks or a single season (often a single season for younger kids stuff is about that length).  Stuff that seemed impossible or horrible week 2, might be gone and fun at week 6.  I think if your child is a perfectionist or has a hard time with change or might be shy or nervous, allowing a fast quit can might not be the best decision.  My daughter is 100% full circle from where I would have imagined her a few years ago in her activities and her confidence level. 

 

I've also been on the receiving end of leading groups where a kid suddenly gone with no notice was problematic for the rest of the group which is no fun and not really fair either. 

I'm not advocating torturing a kid through an abusive coach or anything crazy like that.  But I can also see dad's point of view.

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Ugh we are doing soccer right now and it is such a drain. Ds isnt enjoying himself either. It just feels like such a chore for us all. Messes up our dinner time and so on. I have always been an introvert and as a kid I only ever did a few extracurricular activities. I craved my down time at home.

 

I guess more of a vent and wondering who else was in the same boat?

 

I don't mind some. We did soccer twice; although the practices did sort of mess with dinner, but knowing that games were only an hour long, no matter what, did help. :-) But still, we only did it twice. And we weren't doing a bunch of other things.

 

We did dance for, gosh, 11 years, first Highland dance, then ballet. One dance class a week, several competitions a year, including Highland games; we all loved the Games, so the classes were worth it, lol.

 

And that was it. I don't know how some people do dance *and* sports *and* a bunch of other stuff.

 

I didn't do *any* extracurriculars when I was a child.

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Me!!!  We tried the Upward soccer one year.  The kids were 6 1/2, 4, and 1--so an exhausting time of life anyway.  But yes, it wrecked my Thursday evening for practices, and shot my Saturday for the game.  And unlike most families there (so it seemed), we couldn't afford to just go grab food somewhere before or after.  And really, my kids just wanted to kick the ball around with other kids; I feel like we could do that in a less exhausting way.  

 

When we do lessons or regular activities outside the home, I schedule them for twice per month.  I don't know what I'll do if someone decides to have a passion for a team sport.

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I'm out of the house for some activity or more for 4-5 hours 7 days a week. We have 6 different things going on right now. I don't have enough hours in the day to get everything done, but otherwise I don't mind.

 

Picking your nose is a sport, and it runs concurrent with soccer season. Next year, he will graduate to picking grass.

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Ugh we are doing soccer right now and it is such a drain. Ds isnt enjoying himself either. It just feels like such a chore for us all. Messes up our dinner time and so on. I have always been an introvert and as a kid I only ever did a few extracurricular activities. I craved my down time at home.

 

I guess more of a vent and wondering who else was in the same boat?

 

Soccer and t-ball were the two outside activities that I absolutely loathed. 1-3 of our kids were in soccer for about a 4-year stretch. I hated being outside in the middle of the day, hated rushing dinner for practices, hated the weekends being obliterated due to soccer games, hated the unpredictability of soccer tournaments... all of it. Luckily 2/3 kids found other sports that I actually enjoyed being involved with. The third child still misses soccer but I just could. not. do. it. any. more. (I would have reconsidered if this child had potential to play in college... but they did not. So we focused on other hobbies they enjoyed even more).

 

I'm also introverted - but have found that I didn't mind kids' outside activities if a) THEY really, really love what they are doing and b) I can find a way to make it work with my own schedule (aka find a nice place to go while they are at practice like a library or something...) or c) I enjoy the company of the other waiting parents.

 

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I'm out of the house for some activity or more for 4-5 hours 7 days a week. We have 6 different things going on right now. I don't have enough hours in the day to get everything done, but otherwise I don't mind.

 

Picking your nose is a sport, and it runs concurrent with soccer season. Next year, he will graduate to picking grass.

Lol yeah he dug in the dirt during tball.

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Me!!! We tried the Upward soccer one year. The kids were 6 1/2, 4, and 1--so an exhausting time of life anyway. But yes, it wrecked my Thursday evening for practices, and shot my Saturday for the game. And unlike most families there (so it seemed), we couldn't afford to just go grab food somewhere before or after. And really, my kids just wanted to kick the ball around with other kids; I feel like we could do that in a less exhausting way.

 

When we do lessons or regular activities outside the home, I schedule them for twice per month. I don't know what I'll do if someone decides to have a passion for a team sport.

I know. ITt would be easier if we could get food out, but we cannot always. We have to leave at 5:15 to get there. I usually feed them at 3:30 or so. That way ds isnt running around on a full stomach. We get there at 6 and 2 yr old usually falls asleep. Ends at 7. 7:45 getting home. Sometime dh hasnt had anything to eat since lunch. I miss the old simple life. Sigh.

 

I wouldnt mind a bit if ds was loving, but honestly I just dont see him as an athlete. Thats fine by me, I just hope he gets through trying out all the sports soon.

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I don't care for them no.  It's a lot of driving and waiting around.  Overall, it'll be a short chapter in my life though and my kids get something out of the activities so I keep doing it.  There have been some that I didn't feel were worth the effort though (and neither did they).  So those didn't last. 

 

I will say though, I avoided sports.  Neither of my kids happen to be good at any, but no I didn't want to have to deal with that.  The stuff they do now doesn't require that level of commitment. 

 

 

 

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YBut yeah, our football team is in a spot because all of the homeschoolers who begged and begged and begged for our school to get a program dropped out and so now we are playing 6 man football with no subs.    It gives homeschoolers such a bad reputation.  I try to tell my friends not all of us are/were like that. 

 

I just want to say that last spring, our rec baseball team had 2 homeschooling families on it.  My twins and another set of brothers.  Ours were the only kids that made it to all practices and all games.  Sometimes we were in lurch with 8 kids for a game where we needed 9 players.  I'm not always impressed by the level of commitment from non-homeschooling families. 

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I just want to say that last spring, our rec baseball team had 2 homeschooling families on it.  My twins and another set of brothers.  Ours were the only kids that made it to all practices and all games.  Sometimes we were in lurch with 8 kids for a game where we needed 9 players.  I'm not always impressed by the level of commitment from non-homeschooling families. 

 

LOL.  I am not a homeschool mom, but I have 2 kids the same age who were 2 of 8 players on our team one fall.  The league rules were that the game is forfeit (lost) if you don't show up with at least 7 players.  Lord that was stressful on me.  :p  We did make it on time (sometimes barely!) for every game.  Once it was the same weekend as the scout campout a couple hours away.  We drove back to play soccer and then returned to camp.  Other times we had a game and then had like half an hour to get to a TKD belt test.  I get tired just remembering those days.

 

I observe different commitment levels by individual families, homeschooled or not.  My kids' friend will start things and drop almost every time.  After a while you just get used to who can be counted on and who can't.

 

But in fairness, it can be hard to know up front how much you are committing to - at least your first time through.  I have been overcommitted for most of my kids' school years so far.  :p

Edited by SKL
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It does drive me nuts how so many things overlap with dinner. Why aren't there more 4pm classes? I know this would suck for working moms, but there's a lot of us non-working moms. Or 6:30 practices? Done by 7:30, run home, take showers, read stories, get to bed. No, everything seems to start at 5 or 5:30. Maybe that's just my area. My town is small enough that driving doesn't take that long so a 6:30 practice does actually allow you to get through dinner, though perhaps not at a leisurely pace. ;)  And it probably isn't possible by the time kids are more serious about an activity and going for multiple hours more than once a week.

 

I've posted about this before but I've always had my kids involved in plenty of extracurricular activities, but my oldest two were never really passionate about anything. My 3 year old however, LOVES both her dance and gymnastics class. Because she's 3, I can find day time classes, but I know as soon as she hits school age, we're going to be late afternoon or evening. It's worth taking her because she loves it so much. I admit I have a very hard time dragging a reluctant child to an activity, just to watch them drag their feet at a half hearted jog across the field or whatever. :) I will say that I prefer indoor activities to outdoor. I'd much rather sit on the sidelines at gymnastics with the air conditioning and the wifi and the no sun and bugs. :)

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