I wish that I could go condo or townhome JAWM

[Ginevra]

I think this is one of those posts where I whine about something that others wish they could be so fortunate to have. And it probably is another one of those perimenopause things you don't hear about. But I sometimes just long to get rid of 2/3 of our things and move to a smaller (much smaller, but not "tiny") townhouse or condo.

 

I just reconnected with a friend who has been living overseas for several years. She is moving back into her spacious American home and says she is astonished by all the space and all the stuff. Hearing her describe the simplicity of their condos in a country where people live much smaller than in the US sounds some sort of heavenly to me, actually. Hearing her talk about her tiny kitchen and just the attitude of being satisfied with much less; she even said she lost weight partly because the kitchen was tiny and food is not emphasized in that country like it is in the US. She made one dish for dinner at that was that. All of this sounds so great to me.

 

My house is huge. My property is vast. I have a big vegetable garden and flowerbeds (that are full of weeds). DH has a massive garage filled with equipment and "toys" and projects. I have a homeschool room full of books and bookcases and desks and cabinets. I'm not a cluttery person but when you have space, things just take up the space, and it begins to feel like I am a cluttery person after all. That is how it works. Even just my refrigerator(s -I have two - see what I mean?) annoy me when I pay attention to it because the door pockets are full of every condiment known to man. My DH asked me to please get "Miracle Whip" (we already have mayonaisse...) because he likes it particularly for BLTs, which we eat a lot of while the tomatoes are good. Well, I forgot to get some. But I also didn't want to get some because it's just so excessive. We have yellow mustard, we have spicy brown mustard, we have some bougie seeded mypustard - WHY do we have three kinds of mustard? Wouldn't one do?

 

I go to Costco and it is really beginning to give me pause. Part of it is legitimately because dinner is often (at this time) just three of us, or two. DD is at college and DS has a packed schedule. So, I go to Costco and I'm thinking, "Why must I buy this big-assed package of coffee? Why do I need five pounds of sausage at a time? Why do I get 36 gatorades? Why do I even come here at all?" I really wish I had the European sort of shopping at a market and getting a few things that you eat within a couple of days. Here again - the more space we have to store food and goods, the more we just stuff it full of junk. I don't think I'm doing that, and then evidentally yes I am.

 

I learned to loom knit not even two years ago and I already have three bins packed with yarn. I could already knit on the yarn I have for probably five more years, even if I were to knit every day. In my defensive way, I'm now going to say that part of the reason I have so much yarn is that my mother constantly gives me yard sale yarn she finds - which is true, but not the whole story, because I have also bought a ton of yarn all by my dang self. If my house were small, I would say no, but it's not, so I say yes, right this way, just cart it all in. I'm disappointed that I don't even keep to my own ideals.

 

I want to live smaller and more simply. I did mention something like it to DH in the past year, but he cannot live without a big garage. His hobbies are large-scale and his business does require equipment. So he is not totally incorrect about that. We can't logically have, say, a townhouse with a huge detached garage. And we can't feasibly live in a towny-walkable kind of place because of the need for a garage and accommodating zoning. I feel like I'm doomed to have to be on a big, fat property for as long as I'm attached to DH - presumably that fact is not subject to change in the near future. I start to wish he had that kind of job where it's possible he could be transfered to another country.

 

Off rant. My sincere apologepies to anyone who read that who cannot get more space and needs it. I think it's just one of those greener grass things.

[fairfarmhand]

I know. I get it.

 

I dream of purging crap when my kids leave home.

 

Only keeping things that bring joy. And books. I love books.

[Arcadia]

We have always stayed in condos for that reason. My husband's childhood home is a bigger apartment and now it is just cluttered with stuff because his parents are empty nesters. Our current home is the second time we bought a condo and is about the same size as my childhood home. We don't like yard work and we prefer a walkable neighborhood with good public transport.

 

There are times we run out of space but a little tidying up and declutter is all we need to host three adult relatives for weeklong stays so it's not that bad. It forces my husband to declutter :)

Edited September 11, 2017 by Arcadia

[Petrichor]

I liked it when we were overseas for a short visit. Our relatives there don't buy food in bulk - nowhere to store it, and bugs would probably get to it before they got a chance to eat it anyway.

 

 There are little shops everyone, in close walking distance. If you are cooking dinner and realize you need a bit of flour, there's a small stand a block away selling flour and other stuff. You can send your 6yo (probably even younger than that) to the corner shop for you, and you don't even have to leave the house. There is a man with a cart who wanders through the neighborhood shouting the names of the different veggies he's selling that day.

 

And of course, it's the norm to buy the groceries fresh every few days. Packages for packaged goods are smaller. Milk and yogurt are  fresh, sold in plastic bags every few blocks. A lot of people live without refrigerators. 

 

But, things like sanitation are lacking, making things like H. Pylori not so rare. So win-lose...

 

But the smaller house thing. I'd go for that again. I'd like more bedrooms than we have currently, but wouldn't mind less space for storage/junk. 

 

 

 

[prairiewindmomma]

We downsized significantly two years ago, and it's been amazing.  

[slackermom]

I know the perfect building! When we lived near Oslo, there was an old carriage house behind our house. It could hold 6 cars, and it had an apartment above it.

[Cinder]

Me too. I occasionally mention to dh that when ds2 moves out we should move into a small townhouse or even just a smaller house. He thinks we need more house and a lot more property--he wants what you have with the acreage and large garage units. He grew up in the country and longs for the wide spaces. I grew up in the city, with six of us in a small townhouse.

[ksr5377]

I'm not even getting close to an empty nest and I feel this way sometimes.  I grew up in the country.  We lived for 16 years in the city.  We recently moved to 70 acres.  Our house is more than twice the size our city house was.  At first, I was loving all the space.  It was nice to walk right out your door and be in 'nature'  As time goes on though I'm seeing major drawbacks that I'm not sure I'll want to deal with for the rest of my life.  All that outdoor space eats up sooooo muuuuuch tiiiiiiiimmmmme.  The bigger garden took up so many more hours this summer. Maintenance of outbuildings. Maintenance of equipment.  Whole weekends spent trimming trees.  Whole weekends spent ensuring the pond is healthy.  All the mowing!  Our city yard was absolutely perfect in 45 minutes.  It now takes me 3 hours to mow, on a riding lawn mower, and that doesn't include any edging or trimming closely around trees.  Oh, and we're on a state highway with a lot of frontage so the trash pick up that needs done before we can mow!  It's ridiculous.  Apparently everyone loves to litter around here.  

 

I'm finding myself entering another purging phase (after the one I went through before packing our old house up) which is resulting in empty spaces.  I have built-ins in the upstairs bathroom with 6 2' wide shelves that have one bottle of lotion in them.  That's all I have to put there.  I have a completely empty hallway closet. Half of the basement is empty.  It will make a good space to burn off energy this winter I hope.  Bedroom closets have dressers in them and still have room to be used as hideouts.  

 

Some days I'm thankful for the space and other days I feel like it's all such a waste for our family size.

[Guest]

I have been on a yarn diet, except for the rare specific project and a handful of weakness purchases, since 2007. I still have plenty to knit and crochet with :o

 

It sounds like you're out of the phase of life where Costco makes sense. Maybe ditch the membership? If you like shopping more frequently for smaller items DO IT! Or are you too far from a store to have that make sense?

 

Your post is so timely, Quill. We put in an offer on the land we want and are waiting hear back - it's 'only' an acre. But I find myself so glad it's that size, and wooded, because we are trying super hard to plan all the indoor and outdoor spaces intentionally and not go too big to care for. But that's a difficult balance to strike with lots of people around. However I don't want to have to downsize when I hit forty something, so being mindful of everything that comes in and planning the space to really fit and not just be big and bigger is a challenge j am actively trying to meet.

[gingersmom]

I think I am at a happy medium house wise.

 

I have lived in less than a 1000 square foot apartments. Small is not as always as wonderful as you imagine.

I moved from a 1400 square foot house (too small for us to ever be happy) to almost 4000 square feet. Not too big, not to small. The yard is a little more than I like, but it makes the dog happy :)

 

Ever since I moved 4 years ago I have made it my mission not to acquire more stuff because I have more room. Twice a year I make a goodwill donation. Even after getting rid of so much stuff, I just today/yesterday dropped off two car loads of stuff.

 

I even did a pantry purge to get rid of old things it's obvious we will never use. I've gotten really good about having weeks where we just eat from freezer/fridge. It's always amazing how much good food is just sitting there.

 

I steer clear of Costco.

[Hilltopmom]

We moved to a much bigger house (1400 to 2400 sq ft) this year, yet got rid of about half our stuff!

More space for our wide age gap of kids & in town by my family.

 

We did buy comfy furniture like couches & loveseats since we didn't have any in the old house- weird design, long story.

But got rid of so much stuff!

 

It's been amazingly great :)

 

I'm still finding more we can part with too.

Edited September 11, 2017 by Hilltopmom

[Guest]

I'm not even getting close to an empty nest and I feel this way sometimes. I grew up in the country. We lived for 16 years in the city. We recently moved to 70 acres. Our house is more than twice the size our city house was. At first, I was loving all the space. It was nice to walk right out your door and be in 'nature' As time goes on though I'm seeing major drawbacks that I'm not sure I'll want to deal with for the rest of my life. All that outdoor space eats up sooooo muuuuuch tiiiiiiiimmmmme. The bigger garden took up so many more hours this summer. Maintenance of outbuildings. Maintenance of equipment. Whole weekends spent trimming trees. Whole weekends spent ensuring the pond is healthy. All the mowing! Our city yard was absolutely perfect in 45 minutes. It now takes me 3 hours to mow, on a riding lawn mower, and that doesn't include any edging or trimming closely around trees. Oh, and we're on a state highway with a lot of frontage so the trash pick up that needs done before we can mow! It's ridiculous. Apparently everyone loves to litter around here.

 

I'm finding myself entering another purging phase (after the one I went through before packing our old house up) which is resulting in empty spaces. I have built-ins in the upstairs bathroom with 6 2' wide shelves that have one bottle of lotion in them. That's all I have to put there. I have a completely empty hallway closet. Half of the basement is empty. It will make a good space to burn off energy this winter I hope. Bedroom closets have dressers in them and still have room to be used as hideouts.

 

Some days I'm thankful for the space and other days I feel like it's all such a waste for our family size.

Yes, all that exterior maintenance. We even live right by a state road and also get SO MUCH LITTER! I just walked out to get the mail and saw that one of my bluebird houses fell off the tree it was on. 😠 Something else to do. And my "flower" beds are just a three-foot pile of weeds that you can sort of tell also has some intentional plants in there.

 

This is what I want with all my closets and spaces - empty shelves. Like, let me hear an echo.

[Guest]

I have been on a yarn diet, except for the rare specific project and a handful of weakness purchases, since 2007. I still have plenty to knit and crochet with :o

 

It sounds like you're out of the phase of life where Costco makes sense. Maybe ditch the membership? If you like shopping more frequently for smaller items DO IT! Or are you too far from a store to have that make sense?

 

Your post is so timely, Quill. We put in an offer on the land we want and are waiting hear back - it's 'only' an acre. But I find myself so glad it's that size, and wooded, because we are trying super hard to plan all the indoor and outdoor spaces intentionally and not go too big to care for. But that's a difficult balance to strike with lots of people around. However I don't want to have to downsize when I hit forty something, so being mindful of everything that comes in and planning the space to really fit and not just be big and bigger is a challenge j am actively trying to meet.

My Costco membership just renewed in June, but when it comes up for renewal next year, I am going to think long and hard about whether or not I want that. It isn't *very* far away, but I only go to that area for shopping trips that include Costco. If going to Costco was not a factor, I would travel to that city much less often. I do go to other stores when I am there, but most of those other stores also have a nearer branch (like Target, for example.)

[Ausmumof3]

Yep I totally get it. Big houses means more work and more stuff. It's harder to justify getting rid of stuff when you have tonnes of space. Even though I feel like it's slowly killing me...

[Twolittleboys]

I know this is supposed to be a JAWM but maybe this will make you feel better anyway:

 

We do live in a much smaller space (apartment) and it is a pain! The problem is we still have way too much stuff. Our basement is packed and there are boxes all over our hallway with stuff that I don't want to throw out but don't really use and can't fit in the basement. I have an office (I work from home), but probably will have to give it up soon so my kids can have separate rooms. Right now they share and not only is it crowded but they constantly fight. I can't buy any cool kitchen appliances because our kitchen is tiny and stuffed. I even have to leave some pots on the stove because there is no space anywhere else. There is only one bathroom so there is always a fight if someone stays in too long. If I want to take a nap I need to kick kids out of their room because I don't have a bedroom but sleep on the pull-out in the living room.

 

Don't get me wrong, it isn't all that bad (slightly annoying but basically okay). Also I totally get wanting to have less stuff/be happy with less. All I am saying is, that having less space has its own challenges AND pretty often everything is still full of stuff.

[regentrude]

I hear you - but you don't have to move. You can live simpler and with fewer possessions by getting rid of stuff and enjoying the space.

 

Make it a habit to purge. Outgrown clothes? Give away as soon as you notice they don't fit the kids anymore. Annual curriculum purge. Eating down the pantry. Looking critically at possessions and evaluating whether you actually use them.

Don't acquire new item unless similar item leaves the house. Only buy a shirt when you throw away an old one with holes.That sort of thing

Edited September 11, 2017 by regentrude

[Pam in CT]

I'm so there.

 

 

Our kids are nearly launched and I sooooo long to downsize, to a space just big enough for my husband and me and the dog and the books, to a tiny terrace just big enough for a couple of pots of herbs and cascading flowers, to a place I don't have to DRIVE for every.stinking.thing.

 

My husband, sigh, is not there.  He's planning for grandchildren who have not yet been conceived, sigh...

[Lawyer&Mom]

I love my house but sometimes I miss my 970 square foot condo. The washer and dryer was two feet from the bedrooms! Bliss! Of course I never lived there with Husband and Kids, but I can day dream...

[TheReader]

My Costco membership just renewed in June, but when it comes up for renewal next year, I am going to think long and hard about whether or not I want that. It isn't *very* far away, but I only go to that area for shopping trips that include Costco. If going to Costco was not a factor, I would travel to that city much less often. I do go to other stores when I am there, but most of those other stores also have a nearer branch (like Target, for example.)

 

re: the Costco membership, they will refund the membership fee if you cancel midstream. So if you consider it, and decide you'd  like to take the plunge now, you can w/o being out the money. 

[Guest]

I know this is supposed to be a JAWM but maybe this will make you feel better anyway:

 

We do live in a much smaller space (apartment) and it is a pain! The problem is we still have way too much stuff. Our basement is packed and there are boxes all over our hallway with stuff that I don't want to throw out but don't really use and can't fit in the basement. I have an office (I work from home), but probably will have to give it up soon so my kids can have separate rooms. Right now they share and not only is it crowded but they constantly fight. I can't buy any cool kitchen appliances because our kitchen is tiny and stuffed. I even have to leave some pots on the stove because there is no space anywhere else. There is only one bathroom so there is always a fight if someone stays in too long. If I want to take a nap I need to kick kids out of their room because I don't have a bedroom but sleep on the pull-out in the living room.

 

Don't get me wrong, it isn't all that bad (slightly annoying but basically okay). Also I totally get wanting to have less stuff/be happy with less. All I am saying is, that having less space has its own challenges AND pretty often everything is still full of stuff.

Yeah, I know it does. The home I grew up in was a 3 bed, 1 bath 60s era rancher and we were a family of seven. Two times we also had extra relatives living there, too. AND my parents are kind of in the hoarder direction. AND they have remained living in that same house, so they have never been forced to really clear out.

 

Growing up in that cramped house was the entire reason I wanted a big, nice house to begin with, and since DH is in construction, it was relatively easy for us to have the size I wanted. But sometimes you have what you wanted but no longer want what you have, I guess. As the kids fledge, it will only be more of a longing to unload stuff and downsize, I think.

[Guest]

Meeeee too. But I'd like a nice apartment.

[solascriptura]

I dream about doing just that almost everyday. We're planning to do that once our kids are all in college. I sometimes wonder if I'm too optimistic thinking that our kids won't need to come back. I guess they could all share a room until they can't stand it anymore.

[3 ladybugs]

This is exactly the reason why I love living where I do. I have a smaller house. I can't have a lot of stuff because I can't store it. It is what it is. My kitchen is European (at least that is what I call it). It isn't open concept. Part of the European charm is the ability to walk everywhere. I love the ability to walk somewhere useful (a Walmart opened last year near me, major bus line is 1 block away). I think if more people experienced this way of living, it would be more popular. No one needs the huge house. I have 2 children and I am licenced to foster 2 more. I know we can fit because I can see it. My main level is 700 square feet. Basement (unfinished) is the same, upstairs is about 2/3 less. No garage but we do have a shed and a (for us) large back yard. 

[Guest]

I hear you - but you don't have to move. You can live simpler and with fewer possessions by getting rid of stuff and enjoying the space.

 

Make it a habit to purge. Outgrown clothes? Give away as soon as you notice they don't fit the kids anymore. Annual curriculum purge. Eating down the pantry. Looking critically at possessions and evaluating whether you actually use them.

Don't acquire new item unless similar item leaves the house. Only buy a shirt when you throw away an old one with holes.That sort of thing

Yeah, I know it and I do. I literally wrote a book about decluttering. I am very good about certain things that are fully within my control, such as my own clothing. My closet is half-empty (even with my new Stitch Fix clothes.) but there's seriously some law of nature at work here. Things fill back up. Sometimes it is probably because of other people in my life, but not to lay blame; I do go to Costco, after all. It's not like I don't contribute in my own stupid ways. I'm eating my freezer down right now because it just drives me insane. I don't have a handle on what's even in there.

 

There is also a problem with some things that are jointly owned. There are things here that I think are totally pointless to have, but DH is the "keeper" in the relationship and he does not want me to give/throw them away. Really glaring example: our wedding china. Sooooo pointless. We don't have enough place settings to lay the table for more than ourselves and another two couples, or just our immediate family. OTOH, if I had 12 place settings, I wouldn't want to use them for a party, either, because it kind of breaks my heart for my guests to bother with washing the dishes. (I'm pleased they care enough to offer, but I don't want plate care to be part of having dinner at my home.) When I have guests, I want only washable dishes that we can throw in the dw and forget about. We actually have not touched the china in probably ten or more years. I want to get rid of it, but DH does not. And then, since it isn't true that we *literally* don't have the space, I figure, "Oh well. I guess it can sit in that cabinet being useless until we die or go to a retirement home." (And if you're wondering, yes, I have considered just getting rid of it and banking on the very high probability that DH will not even know about it for ten more years. But all I would have gained for my sneakery is an empty cabinet that I hardly even look at, so I'm not sure it's worth it.)

 

There's also just a lot of maintenance from sheer size. There isn't any way to declutter grass and flower beds.

[mommyoffive]

I just got back from Europe and it was fun to have those small apartments for a day or so, and then I grew sick of it.   The shopping everyday was fun in the summer, but in the fall or winter I don't think I would think of it the same way. 

 

I longed to come home to my house. 

 

I wish we had a bigger house.   I am always trying to declutter, but it seems to come in as fast as I get it out.  I never feel a difference.  I feel bad getting rid of things that still have life.  I know that isn't very good to think of it like that. 

 

 

It does sound like you have the really big house that served you well when you had a full nest, but now is becoming to much work as the nest is emptying. 

[mommyoffive]

Yeah, I know it and I do. I literally wrote a book about decluttering. I am very good about certain things that are fully within my control, such as my own clothing. My closet is half-empty (even with my new Stitch Fix clothes.) but there's seriously some law of nature at work here. Things fill back up. Sometimes it is probably because of other people in my life, but not to lay blame; I do go to Costco, after all. It's not like I don't contribute in my own stupid ways. I'm eating my freezer down right now because it just drives me insane. I don't have a handle on what's even in there.

 

There is also a problem with some things that are jointly owned. There are things here that I think are totally pointless to have, but DH is the "keeper" in the relationship and he does not want me to give/throw them away. Really glaring example: our wedding china. Sooooo pointless. We don't have enough place settings to lay the table for more than ourselves and another two couples, or just our immediate family. OTOH, if I had 12 place settings, I wouldn't want to use them for a party, either, because it kind of breaks my heart for my guests to bother with washing the dishes. (I'm pleased they care enough to offer, but I don't want plate care to be part of having dinner at my home.) When I have guests, I want only washable dishes that we can throw in the dw and forget about. We actually have not touched the china in probably ten or more years. I want to get rid of it, but DH does not. And then, since it isn't true that we *literally* don't have the space, I figure, "Oh well. I guess it can sit in that cabinet being useless until we die or go to a retirement home." (And if you're wondering, yes, I have considered just getting rid of it and banking on the very high probability that DH will not even know about it for ten more years. But all I would have gained for my sneakery is an empty cabinet that I hardly even look at, so I'm not sure it's worth it.)

 

There's also just a lot of maintenance from sheer size. There isn't any way to declutter grass and flower beds.

 

Ha I get the china.  We have ours which we have never touched in 12 years.   Plus we have my grandmas which again we won't touch.  But I would feel bad getting rid of either one. 

[Hilltopmom]

When we moved in,it actually did echo in here & was annoying, lol.

 

I had to get some throw rugs for the floors, hang a few quilts on the walls & put up draperies even on Windows that didn't really need them. Much better now.

[regentrude]

 Really glaring example: our wedding china. Sooooo pointless. We don't have enough place settings to lay the table for more than ourselves and another two couples, or just our immediate family. OTOH, if I had 12 place settings, I wouldn't want to use them for a party, either, because it kind of breaks my heart for my guests to bother with washing the dishes. 

 

Why don't you just use it? For every day, for just yourselves. And just put it in the dishwasher. What's the worst that can happen? Over time the pattern may fade a bit, and it may get brittle, but then, you want to get rid of it anyway. Why not just use it up?

It makes no sense to store china and not use it.

 

 

Edited September 11, 2017 by regentrude

[JustEm]

We are in a town house with 7 people. It really is enough house for us because we have a big enough yard, a park and pool right across the street, and because right now my kids refuse to not all sleep in one bedroom. We are getting it ready to sell and I'm trying very hard to remind myself that I love having a small house. I'm even waffling about the whole selling it in the first place. Part of me just wants to fix it up, refinance it, and stay put until we absolutely need more than 3 bedrooms.

[Guest]

Why don't you just use it? For every day, for just yourselves. And just put it in the dishwasher. What's the worst that can happen? Over time the pattern may fade a bit, and it may get brittle, but then, you want to get rid of it anyway. Why not just use it up?

It makes no sense to store china and not use it.

I believe the gold edging will wear off; that is what happened to my SIL's china because she washed it in the dishwasher. This will not make DH say, "Oh, now it looks ugly, we should just get rid of it." Nope. Then I will have ugly china I have to look at that I hate even more.

 

For your last line: I totally agree. It makes no sense to have anything that doesn't get used.

[MEmama]

I hear you! I love our house, but 1600 sq feet for 3 of us is ridiculously large. Do we use it? Well yeah, mostly, but like you we do only because we can. In reality we are all in the same room as each other nearly always; we don't need extra space to spread out. And I would certainly love to have less stuff.

 

I loved the apartments we stayed in Europe and dream of downsizing to something that small and efficient. We don't exactly have that kind of option here. We already live walkable to town and I would never want to give up that convenience and enjoyment. But DS won't be living with us for too many more years (sob!!!!) and I can't imagine just two of us prattling around here. To get what I'd want would probably mean building but that would mean living outside town, and then the dream starts to unravel. I'm not sure what the solution will be.

Edited September 11, 2017 by MEmama

[Guest]

RE Costco:  I make "big food" at least once a month.  Otherwise, the membership would not be worth it.  That said, it is.  We did without for years, but every year we have to make a big purchase, it seems, and the savings pay for the membership.  BUT I remember that, and go only when something makes sense, not out of obligation, because the membership is already paid for (this year, by new tires:  $600 where the cheapest anywhere else was $850).  

 

I have the same experience with AAA; in two car rentals they saved me over $500 compared to the prices I was able to find using other memberships or just snooping for weeks.  The membership is about $120 a year for our family of 3 and pays for itself based on the number of times my son has had to have his battery jumped because he wore it out listening to his stereo.  :::smirk:::

 

Now, about downsizing:  as I have alternately boasted/whined on these boards, we have gone from 4000sf and 1600sf to 2500sf.  In addition, the property is 5000sf, as opposed to 15,000sf at the main house.  It has been a major chore to downsize.  I feel like I have been moving for 5 years.  BUT for the first time, I have an actual garden--mostly flowers--but it is so pretty.  And it is *almost* manageable.  It was impossible to keep up 1/3 of an acre, at least in an upscale suburb.  So we had to pay for that help and it isn't free.  

 

I think the condo life is appealing but I would want one about the size of our house. Dh and I are both largely retired, but we like to entertain (need a dining room and room for people to sit and we like to have a guest room) and we have hobbies and interests that take up space (musical instruments, photography, model-building, sewing, stamp collecting).  My son lives with us as he gets his software venture going.  

 

That said, I have faced the fact that I won't be beading anymore, that it is doubtful I will ever make another large quilt; that I am old enough that I'll never read some of these books again, and a lot of the ones I will I have on Kindle or can get on Kindle from the library.  We're done skiing/boarding.  Woodworking isn't going to happen again.  So a lot of stuff is gone.  We still have some furniture in the garage because if we do get a condo, we don't know what floor plan it will have, and I won't be springing for another Corian table...so it awaits its future in the garage as we use our larger more formal (but very cool) dining table.  

 

And the thing is, I could have been doing that all along.  I could have been culling books (we've gone from 28 to 8 Billy Bookcases from IKEA.  All "my" books are on my Kindle or on one bookcase.  That includes the Homeschool Keepers).  I could have recognized a long time ago that my notes from my previous job, MBA program, and teaching job are completely useless even if I WERE to go back to work.  Bye.  

 

I've gotten rid of endless kitchen stuff..we don't have room for small appliances, and I have learned to do without them.  I could have done this years ago.  But the fact that I DID have space for them hid the reality that I didn't really need or even use them.  

 

So start now.  Do it "in place."  There's no penalty.  And it gets you into the right mindset for when you NEED to do it.  

 

I have already told my DH I'm not packing and moving his books again.  He will NOT get after his downsizing and I am just done with it.  I want to do something else with my life that spending the second half of it getting rid of the stuff we got in the first half.  

 

[Annie G]

You are singing my song. However, dh is NOT on board. Every little thing gives him joy and it's SO hard for me.  I have started packing away books that we won't read again before he retires in a year. He will not get rid of them. So far I have 30 boxes of books packed. That's not even a fourth of them...not even close.  He has every magazine he has ever subscribed to. Reason magazines that are DECADES old. WHY?????

 

I did let our Sam's membership expire once we didn't need to buy in bulk. Oddly enough he was fine with letting that go. 

 

I want a small house. A few possessions. I feel like it will make me feel free. Dh feels the opposite.  It's hard. 

[Guest]

You are singing my song. However, dh is NOT on board. Every little thing gives him joy and it's SO hard for me.  I have started packing away books that we won't read again before he retires in a year. He will not get rid of them. So far I have 30 boxes of books packed. That's not even a fourth of them...not even close.  He has every magazine he has ever subscribed to. Reason magazines that are DECADES old. WHY?????

 

I did let our Sam's membership expire once we didn't need to buy in bulk. Oddly enough he was fine with letting that go. 

 

I want a small house. A few possessions. I feel like it will make me feel free. Dh feels the opposite.  It's hard. 

We need to check this out.  Our husband might be a bigamist.  haha

 

Singing your song.  

 

Thing is, dh wants a small house and I want a big house.  Apparently HIS house will be full of crap and mine will be an empty box.  LOL

 

Men.

Why can't they just do what they are told?  :0)

[Annie G]

We need to check this out.  Our husband might be a bigamist.  haha

 

Singing your song.  

 

Thing is, dh wants a small house and I want a big house.  Apparently HIS house will be full of crap and mine will be an empty box.  LOL

 

Men.

Why can't they just do what they are told?  :0)

 

Here's the crazy thing: for decades we agreed on nearly every little thing. On things we didn't agree on, usually the one who felt strongly got their way because ...well, the other spouse didn't really care that much. But this whole retirement thing....I want to downsize and he doesn't....where did this come from???? I guess I'm the one changing how I think since we have a large house and a ton of stuff. But he's supposed to change WITH ME. 

[Guest]

Here's the crazy thing: for decades we agreed on nearly every little thing. On things we didn't agree on, usually the one who felt strongly got their way because ...well, the other spouse didn't really care that much. But this whole retirement thing....I want to downsize and he doesn't....where did this come from???? I guess I'm the one changing how I think since we have a large house and a ton of stuff. But he's supposed to change WITH ME.

I'm thinking one thing that may cure DH is whenever the time comes to clean out his parents' home/farm. DH is very much like his mom in terms of propensity to keep stuff. That house...holy moly. You would not walk in and think, "wow, so cluttered!" But when you start opening the multitude of closets, eaves attics, storage spaces, big dressers...there is a staggering amount of stuff. One SIL's bedroom is still just as furnished and outfitted as if she lived there, which she hasn't for over twenty years. And then there are barns and outbuildings, shops, garage, chicken house, basement. It's daunting.

[Guest]

I'm thinking one thing that may cure DH is whenever the time comes to clean out his parents' home/farm. DH is very much like his mom in terms of propensity to keep stuff. That house...holy moly. You would not walk in and think, "wow, so cluttered!" But when you start opening the multitude of closets, eaves attics, storage spaces, big dressers...there is a staggering amount of stuff. One SIL's bedroom is still just as furnished and outfitted as if she lived there, which she hasn't for over twenty years. And then there are barns and outbuildings, shops, garage, chicken house, basement. It's daunting.

The effect lasts exactly 8.25 days. Ask me how I know.

[marbel]

Re: china.  How about keeping just two place settings, for intimate dinners for two with your husband?   

 

Or, use with your guests, put it in the dishwasher but don't start it, and then after the guests leave, pour yourself another glass of wine, get the plates out, and handwash them.  Just because your guests offer to help wish dishes doesn't mean you have to let them.  

 

I know the china is just an example and part of a larger problem.  But it's the only thing I can relate to.  :-)

[MysteryJen]

When I started to feel that way, I said, "we need to move." We moved from 3300 sq ft to around 1200. I am not going to lie, it was hard. And in the summers when the college kids come home, it is a really small house. And I do wish I had a little more private space.

 

But...I could not take the space and the stuff and the cleaning and the hassles of every single house project costing a fortune because it was so big.

 

I do like the little house, we have made adjustments. In some ways, I think I wanted to jettison not just stuff, but people and places as well. dh says he is just glad that I told him we were moving. :laugh:

[frogger]

I believe the gold edging will wear off; that is what happened to my SIL's china because she washed it in the dishwasher. This will not make DH say, "Oh, now it looks ugly, we should just get rid of it." Nope. Then I will have ugly china I have to look at that I hate even more.

 

For your last line: I totally agree. It makes no sense to have anything that doesn't get used.

I remember a child looking horrified after dropping a vase. I told them, "Thank you for freeing me from storing that anymore." At first they thought I was being sarcastic. I wasn't.

[frogger]

I have to say it isn't just the space. We just redid the ceiling. We need to get the boiler cleaned. The gutters need fixed. The deck needs rebuilt. I could spend half an hour typing things that need done but rehersal is over and my daughter should be out in a minute. I'm tired. Our fixer upper is wearing on me. I want to downsize and buy something new and tiny.

[J-rap]

We do plan to get a townhouse or condo next, in the next few years. I can't wait to go through everything and clear out 3/4 of it.

 

That said, I always want a place with an extra bedroom so that our children always know they have a place to live (and of course visit) if they ever need to move in with us for awhile, plus a big enough dining room so that I can still have big family gatherings.

[cjzimmer1]

my grandmother was a hoarder (but a very neat one at that).  She saved everything.  When she moved out of her house into an apartment (for her own safety), my sister moved into the house.  There was so much stuff grandma left behind (because it didn't fit in her apartment) that sis couldn't even fit her own belongings into the house.  Grandma was angry that whenever she came back to the house for something she wanted, it wasn't where she had left it.  Well of course sis had to move it, she needs to live in the house.  Then grandma moved to assisted living.  When she died we had to clean out her room.  I still can't get over how much stuff she absolutely had to have with her.  Her sewing machine (she had cataract surgery but still couldn't see well enough to sew), pants that she was in the process of altering, outdoor Christmas decorations (um she has no outdoors to decorate), more clothes than my 6 children together have and on and on.  It really struck home how much stuff one can accumulate even when the place "looks" tidy.  Then the Kon Mari book came out ( I never actually read it but all the talk on the board inspired me),  I'm starting my 3rd year of decluttering.  I usually only work on it for 2-3 months of the year but I have made so many trips to Goodwill that the workers notice when I miss a week.  The more I declutter, the more I feel oppressed by just how much stuff I still have just sitting around.  I know I'm winning the battle but it's overwhelming to think how far I have to go.  We have 2300 sf of finished space and it feels tight for the 8 of us but I have no desire to go bigger because I feel like I can barely keep up with what we have.  More space will just be more work!

[EmilyGF]

I believe the gold edging will wear off; that is what happened to my SIL's china because she washed it in the dishwasher. This will not make DH say, "Oh, now it looks ugly, we should just get rid of it." Nope. Then I will have ugly china I have to look at that I hate even more.

 

For your last line: I totally agree. It makes no sense to have anything that doesn't get used.

A tangent, but my MIL has *SIX* sets of china because she kept inheriting them from childless relatives. She went to sell them at an antique shop and found that they are worth just about nothing because no one wants fussy china that can't go in the microwave.

​So she uses them ALL! She rotates them through the seasons as is appropriate. She gets SO MUCH pleasure from her place settings. I never would have thought. It is so sweet.

 

I'm also thankful that she's wearing them out...

 

ETA: she doesn't have a big house, she just doesn't have much stuff because their family was always on the line of falling from middle class and so she's been super frugal all her life. Since she has so few kitchen things, she can store 6 sets of china in a teeny kitchen, at least enough to keep her table set for a few.

 

Emily

Edited September 12, 2017 by EmilyGF

[foxbridgeacademy]

I thought the same thing the other day, our house is 2400+ (more like 2600) and we have so much stuff, a big yard for the area, plus it's crazy expensive!  2 of my 4 teens have moved out and I don't need a 5-6 bedroom house. So we went looking at apartments and townhouses last week.  We've narrowed it down to 2 places, one that's in the middle of our town's shopping district and the other is close to DH's work and while the shopping isn't as nice/upscale there's still a Target and Starbucks so DD is happy.  We're moving in March.

 

I am both looking forward to and dreading the massive book purge that will be happening here round about Valentines Day. 

 

*I have about 30 linear feet of book shelves packed full plus an additional 4 big totes/bins of books... which is about 1/2 of what I had before I moved here.   :leaving:

[Guest]

A tangent, but my MIL has *SIX* sets of china because she kept inheriting them from childless relatives. She went to sell them at an antique shop and found that they are worth just about nothing because no one wants fussy china that can't go in the microwave.

​So she uses them ALL! She rotates them through the seasons as is appropriate. She gets SO MUCH pleasure from her place settings. I never would have thought. It is so sweet.

 

I'm also thankful that she's wearing them out...

 

ETA: she doesn't have a big house, she just doesn't have much stuff because their family was always on the line of falling from middle class and so she's been super frugal all her life. Since she has so few kitchen things, she can store 6 sets of china in a teeny kitchen, at least enough to keep her table set for a few.

 

Emily

I do know that china is virtually worthless. Every time I go to Goodwill, there are stacks and stacks of genuine china. Sometimes, I see the really conscientus sets that have the soup tourine, turkey platter, spoon rest and cake pedestal as well. ðŸ˜

 

Silver tea service is the same way. My MIL has one and her daughters have adamantly said, "Mom, you might as well get rid of that because we DO NOT want it!"

[marbel]

We have a silver tea and coffee service that my husband inherited.  It has been out of the box once since we received it.  He won't get rid of it - he just can't get rid of family heirlooms. I will never use it.  It won't ever go on display, for two reasons.  My silver earrings tarnish quickly around here; I can't even imagine how much work all that silver would be.  And, while it's pretty, it doesn't fit the tone of our house, which is pretty casual.  I suppose we'll keep it till he is dead and whoever is left will be free to deal with it as they wish.

 

[DawnM]

I don't want a condo or a townhouse only because I don't want to share walls with anyone, but we are downsizing significantly and although I have been purging, it isn't nearly enough.  

[G5052]

I hear you. We likely will be selling in our place in the not-too-distant future. At a snail's pace, I'm pushing the DC to clean out a little every Saturday. We're done homeschooling, and there's a lot of kid stuff that can go.

 

I don't want shared walls, but I have several areas of town that I'm eyeing because they have small, single-level houses. With just the three of us and two in college, it could easily be just me in not too long. If some other financial issues fall into place, we might do it earlier.

 

 

[Annie G]

You would think that going through his folks' stuff would encourage him to let go of stuff. Not really. While he does think they held on to things they didn't need to (can you say EVERY insurance statement of benefits??? For more than the past 20 years!) he doesn't seem to think WE have a problem. Also, when going through stuff at his parents' house he ran down memory lane. His mom still had the suits he wore to prom....his Navy uniform (he got out in 1979!) and his childhood Scholastic books.   They have every letter, postcard, greeting card I ever sent them, along with every coloring page our kids sent. 

 

On the flip side, my folks downsized 7 years ago and their house is as uncluttered as can be. It's beautiful and the closets are nearly empty and perfectly organized. But they took it too far. They came to visit us and brought the box of family photos. Told me to pick what I wanted, so I did pick a few, not wanting to appear greedy. That night Dad took them to the curb and put them beside our trash can!  Thankfully dh rescued them and I have them, but guys, these were ALL the family photos we have. Pics of my great grandmother who escaped East Germany....childhood pics of my parents who were born in the 1930's. WHO PUTS THOSE OUT WITH TRASH????